This film is actually tinged with sadness for me, it’s the last film Wes Craven directed. Please don’t be terrible. Or as it’s called on the package: Scre4m. So to give it it’s full title: Screfourm.
I haven’t mentioned this before on any of the others but the DVD extras on this are shocking: the trailer, subtitles, and that’s it. That’s unacceptable. This is the first film in the series in over ten years, at the very least, want a short documentary explaining why it’s back, maybe something about how horror has changed since the first Scream movie came out. The extras on this are like the ones you got listed on the very first DVDs that came out (I remember having 10 Things I Hate About You and the special features on that were “scene selection”, and “interactive menu”, and the DVD itself was actually broken anyway so you had to use the scene selection to start the movie because if you just clicked “start movie” it would just take you back to the menu.
I know, I’m surprised I mentioned a rather forgettable 90’s rom-com this early into a liveblog about horror too.
The film opens with characters complaining about Saw IV. “It’s all torture porn shit. You don’t give a shit who dies because there’s no character development it’s just body parts spraying everywhere”. This movie would be awesome at liveblogs.
“I’m going to cut through your neck until I feel bone”, her response to someone saying this on the phone is to hand the phone to her friend “well you’re the one with the stalker”. Even more reason to not do it.
Ah, so the opening of this film is actually just Stab 6. Now we’re actually watching this film.
Oh hey, it’s Kristen Bell, I think.
Okay, so it turns out people watching Stab 6 were actually actors in Stab 7. Wtf? Actually, I really like that opening, it’s unique and makes the audience know they’re going to have to stay on their toes and pay attention. It’s also quite weird, and I like weird.
Hey, it’s the girl from Tomorrowland, I don’t care what people say (and by “people”, I mean “almost everyone”), I actually really like that film.
Oh, she’s dead now 😦 I should just stop liking people in horror films, they almost always die.
Holy crap it’s The Sounds. Say what you like about this film, I never expected to hear European dance pop-punk in a horror movie.
Wow, it’s Alison Brie. Completely forgot she was in this too. I bet she dies 😦
Still weird the town kind of celebrates these murders, almost like they’re proud of them. it would be like New York selling 9/11 merchandise, would seem a bit cheap.
Wait, this film also has Anna Paquin and Emma Roberts, holy crap this is one hell of a strong cast.
“you’re not cheating on your wife if you eat my lemon squares”. Phrasing!
“”Here I am with Olivia “don’t look at my tits I have a mind” Morris””. Why is that a nickname? It’s an awful name, basically saying “this person hates being objectified”. Oh no, how awful of her.
Marley Shelton is really good in this, she reminds me of the bunny from Zootopia, which is odd as they’re both police deputies called Judy.
“Anything with an on/off switch should be off”. Does that include heart monitors?
Gale Weathers thinks she should be involved because she wrote the books on the original murders. But she wrote them after the fact, she didn’t really do much during.
“your lemon squares taste like ass”, in which case it’s even weirder her husband is eating them.
The killer says he’s standing in the closet whilst making the phone call, I could make an obvious “in the closet” joke, but instead I think I’ll take the high road and say “how did he manage to have a conversation on the phone whilst in the closet and the girl not hear him in there? I mean, the closet he was in belonged to a girl who was just standing there not making any noise, so she surely would have heard something?
“this isn’t a fucking movie”, hey, that’s my line!
“I’m going to slit your eyelids so you see when I stab you in the face”, wow, that’s…..brutal.
Just realised Sidney no longer has the necklace. Okay to explain. In the second film her boyfriend handed her a necklace before he died (obviously, would be a bit weird if he did it afterwards). She kept it in the third film, and I always thought that was a nice touch. She’s not wearing it in this one, so either her character has moved on, or the film-makers just forgot.
“Olivia Morris, who will officially never go out with me, is dead” this guy is the worst.
Okay, Alison Brie’s character is awful too, saying Sidney should be glad about the murders as it will increase book sales.
“the problem with Sidney is she never gets laid”, I’d say the problem is more to do with all the murders.
Alison Brie gets stabbed in the stomach, not the most exciting death but well crafted enough.
Her body is thrown off car park onto a news van during a press conference. Now that’s better.
“you film your entire high school experience and put it on the web?” Why would any high school student do that? Most schools feature much embarrassment and things people would rather forget.
So they’re doing a drinking game for a film series consisting of 7 films? They’re going to be white-girl wasted by the end of this.
Wait, they’re showing the popcorn scene from the original Stab, then the shower scene. But weren’t they the other way around when they were shown in Scream 2? Unless maybe because that was a preview the studio changed it around. Actually considering someone was murdered at a sneak preview of the first film, how on earth did sequels get green-lit?
Cop gets stabbed in the head then random walks down the street, punching the air before falling over. May seem unrealistic but apparently based on videos of people who have been stabbed in the head.
“fuck Bruce Willis”, I agree.
Stabbed through the letterbox. That sounds like a weird euphemism. We later found out that the mother was intended to die, but how did the killer know that it was her leaning against the door and not Sidney?
Okay, they’re all settling down to continue the Stab-athon and finish watching stab 7. Which is weird as the last we saw they were still in the first one. So did all those people get stabbed and then just sit around and watch the first six films before doing anything? Let’s say 90 minutes per film that’s about 9 hours.
A history lesson on the slasher genre, I have now added Peeping Tom to my list to watch.
“name the remake that” she then reels off about 20 remakes that have been recently made. Very very funny.
“this is making a move” *proceeds to stab someone*. Hey, how about that? I have made a move on people before then.
So Rory Culkin stabbed someone seemingly out of sexual frustration? Typical white male bullshit.
Weird touch here that I’m not sure if it was intentional but both killers are played by people from acting families; Rory Culkin and Emma Roberts.
“I told so many lies that I actually started to believe them”. So she’s not only a killer but also a liar. I’m starting to think she’s not a nice person.
“old school, like Billy and Stu”, he’s then surprised when he gets stabbed by the other killer, did he not pay any attention to the first movie?
“I don’t need friends, I need fans”, actually a killer line.
“how do you think people become famous now? You don’t have to achieve anything” lucky me.
“you just need to have fucked up shit happen to you”, actually that’s pretty accurate. I mean, I would argue that point, but Madeline McCanns parents got a book tour and to meet the pope.
Emma Roberts character maims herself to make her look more like a victim. And we’re talking proper hardcore maiming here. She drives a knife into her own shoulder, runs into a glass picture frame, and throws herself backwards through a glass table. Surprisingly chilling scene. Weird that this is her first horror movie as she’s so damn good at it. She was later in Scream Queens, which again, I recommend everybody watch, even if only to hear one of the best songs you’ll ever hear.
Oh no, Marley Shelton got shot 😦 That’s annoying as she was lovely. I really need to stop finding people adorable in horror films, it never works out.
“you forgot the first rule of remakes, don’t fuck with the original”. I assumed that’s what all remakes did.
So it turns out Marley Shelton is still alive because, as she says, “Wear the vest, save your chest”, and it is a magnificent chest. Wait….
Oh fuck that’s how this series ends, with me making a perverted comment. God fucking damn it.