I Scream For The Last Time: Scream 4

  • This film is actually tinged with sadness for me, it’s the last film Wes Craven directed. Please don’t be terrible. Or as it’s called on the package: Scre4m. So to give it it’s full title: Screfourm.
  • I haven’t mentioned this before on any of the others but the DVD extras on this are shocking: the trailer, subtitles, and that’s it. That’s unacceptable. This is the first film in the series in over ten years, at the very least, want a short documentary explaining why it’s back, maybe something about how horror has changed since the first Scream movie came out. The extras on this are like the ones you got listed on the very first DVDs that came out (I remember having 10 Things I Hate About You and the special features on that were “scene selection”, and “interactive menu”, and the DVD itself was actually broken anyway so you had to use the scene selection to start the movie because if you just clicked “start movie” it would just take you back to the menu.
  • I know, I’m surprised I mentioned a rather forgettable 90’s rom-com this early into a liveblog about horror too.
  • The film opens with characters complaining about Saw IV. “It’s all torture porn shit. You don’t give a shit who dies because there’s no character development it’s just body parts spraying everywhere”. This movie would be awesome at liveblogs.
  • “I’m going to cut through your neck until I feel bone”, her response to someone saying this on the phone is to hand the phone to her friend “well you’re the one with the stalker”. Even more reason to not do it.
  • Ah, so the opening of this film is actually just Stab 6. Now we’re actually watching this film.
  • Oh hey, it’s Kristen Bell, I think.
  • Okay, so it turns out people watching Stab 6 were actually actors in Stab 7. Wtf? Actually, I really like that opening, it’s unique and makes the audience know they’re going to have to stay on their toes and pay attention. It’s also quite weird, and I like weird.
  • Hey, it’s the girl from Tomorrowland, I don’t care what people say (and by “people”, I mean “almost everyone”), I actually really like that film.
  • Oh, she’s dead now 😦 I should just stop liking people in horror films, they almost always die.
  • Holy crap it’s The Sounds. Say what you like about this film, I never expected to hear European dance pop-punk in a horror movie.
  • Wow, it’s Alison Brie. Completely forgot she was in this too. I bet she dies 😦
  • Still weird the town kind of celebrates these murders, almost like they’re proud of them. it would be like New York selling 9/11 merchandise, would seem a bit cheap.
  • Wait, this film also has Anna Paquin and Emma Roberts, holy crap this is one hell of a strong cast.
  • “you’re not cheating on your wife if you eat my lemon squares”. Phrasing!
  • “”Here I am with Olivia “don’t look at my tits I have a mind” Morris””. Why is that a nickname? It’s an awful name, basically saying “this person hates being objectified”. Oh no, how awful of her.
  • Marley Shelton is really good in this, she reminds me of the bunny from Zootopia, which is odd as they’re both police deputies called Judy.
  • “Anything with an on/off switch should be off”. Does that include heart monitors?
  • Gale Weathers thinks she should be involved because she wrote the books on the original murders. But she wrote them after the fact, she didn’t really do much during.
  • “your lemon squares taste like ass”, in which case it’s even weirder her husband is eating them.
  • The killer says he’s standing in the closet whilst making the phone call, I could make an obvious “in the closet” joke, but instead I think I’ll take the high road and say “how did he manage to have a conversation on the phone whilst in the closet and the girl not hear him in there? I mean, the closet he was in belonged to a girl who was just standing there not making any noise, so she surely would have heard something?
  • “this isn’t a fucking movie”, hey, that’s my line!
  • “I’m going to slit your eyelids so you see when I stab you in the face”, wow, that’s…..brutal.
  • Just realised Sidney no longer has the necklace. Okay to explain. In the second film her boyfriend handed her a necklace before he died (obviously, would be a bit weird if he did it afterwards). She kept it in the third film, and I always thought that was a nice touch. She’s not wearing it in this one, so either her character has moved on, or the film-makers just forgot.
  • “Olivia Morris, who will officially never go out with me, is dead” this guy is the worst.
  •  Okay, Alison Brie’s character is awful too, saying Sidney should be glad about the murders as it will increase book sales.
  • “the problem with Sidney is she never gets laid”, I’d say the problem is more to do with all the murders.
  • Alison Brie gets stabbed in the stomach, not the most exciting death but well crafted enough.
  • Her body is thrown off car park onto a news van during a press conference. Now that’s better.
  • “you film your entire high school experience and put it on the web?” Why would any high school student do that? Most schools feature much embarrassment and things people would rather forget.
  • So they’re doing a drinking game for a film series consisting of 7 films? They’re going to be white-girl wasted by the end of this.
  • Wait, they’re showing the popcorn scene from the original Stab, then the shower scene. But weren’t they the other way around when they were shown in Scream 2? Unless maybe because that was a preview the studio changed it around. Actually considering someone was murdered at a sneak preview of the first film, how on earth did sequels get green-lit?
  • Cop gets stabbed in the head then random walks down the street, punching the air before falling over. May seem unrealistic but apparently based on videos of people who have been stabbed in the head.
  • “fuck Bruce Willis”, I agree.
  • Stabbed through the letterbox. That sounds like a weird euphemism. We later found out that the mother was intended to die, but how did the killer know that it was her leaning against the door and not Sidney?
  • Okay, they’re all settling down to continue the Stab-athon and finish watching stab 7. Which is weird as the last we saw they were still in the first one. So did all those people get stabbed and then just sit around and watch the first six films before doing anything? Let’s say 90 minutes per film that’s about 9 hours.
  • A history lesson on the slasher genre, I have now added Peeping Tom to my list to watch.
  • “name the remake that” she then reels off about 20 remakes that have been recently made. Very very funny.
  • “this is making a move” *proceeds to stab someone*. Hey, how about that? I have made a move on people before then.
  • So Rory Culkin stabbed someone seemingly out of sexual frustration? Typical white male bullshit.
  • Weird touch here that I’m not sure if it was intentional but both killers are played by people from acting families; Rory Culkin and Emma Roberts.
  • “I told so many lies that I actually started to believe them”. So she’s not only a killer but also a liar. I’m starting to think she’s not a nice person.
  • “old school, like Billy and Stu”, he’s then surprised when he gets stabbed by the other killer, did he not pay any attention to the first movie?
  • “I don’t need friends, I need fans”, actually a killer line.
  • “how do you think people become famous now? You don’t have to achieve anything” lucky me.
  • “you just need to have fucked up shit happen to you”, actually that’s pretty accurate. I mean, I would argue that point, but Madeline McCanns parents got a book tour and to meet the pope.
  • Emma Roberts character maims herself to make her look more like a victim. And we’re talking proper hardcore maiming here. She drives a knife into her own shoulder, runs into a glass picture frame, and throws herself backwards through a glass table. Surprisingly chilling scene. Weird that this is her first horror movie as she’s so damn good at it. She was later in Scream Queens, which again, I recommend everybody watch, even if only to hear one of the best songs you’ll ever hear.
  • Oh no, Marley Shelton got shot 😦 That’s annoying as she was lovely. I really need to stop finding people adorable in horror films, it never works out.
  • “you forgot the first rule of remakes, don’t fuck with the original”. I assumed that’s what all remakes did.
  • So it turns out Marley Shelton is still alive because, as she says, “Wear the vest, save your chest”, and it is a magnificent chest. Wait….
  • Oh fuck that’s how this series ends, with me making a perverted comment. God fucking damn it.

Films to look Forward to in 2016

Batman V Superman: March 25

PHDHoUG4AUNdHI_1_lBecause despite the last trailer giving WAY too much away, who isn’t going to see this film? It’s Batman fighting Superman…for at least a third of the film anyway. And despite that trailer there’s still hope. The idea that Batman is turned against Superman because of the chaos he caused in Man of Steel is good screenwriting; it makes sense from a character point and helps bring the films together. The casting is also very solid, with Batfleck actually looking to be one of the best iterations of the Dark Knight yet. But we all still need to take a step back to wait and see whether Jesse Eisenberg’s Lex Luthor is the trainwreck everyone is HOPING it will be, or whether like Keaton and Ledger before him he will turn in a great performance despite the naysayers. I have no idea, but I at least love how much fun he seems to be having.

 

Deadpool: February 10

I limited this list to only Deadpool_postertwo superhero films because I didn’t want it to be inundated with them, and I wanted this to be a cut away from a lot of most anticipated lists by not just focusing on the big blockbusters coming our way (but saying that I am looking forward to Civil War and Dr Strange).
Now Deadpool; the reason I chose this over the many superhero flicks of 2016 is because this is by far the riskiest. R rated, fourth wall breaking, X-Men Movie universe expanding, and Ryan Reynolds’ starring; it’s had the best advertising campaign of any superhero film that manages to introduce the character while staying true to his roots, and is being made by people who clearly care deeply about making it an authentic adaptation. So let’s hope all those good intentions don’t pave the way to hell this time.

 

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Hail, Caesar!: February 26

Because it’s the Coen brothers (who I’m not the biggest fan of so not just dick sucking), doing a satire of the golden age of Hollywood with an all-star cast of old (Clooney and Brolin) and new talent (Hill and Tatum), with a the truly Coeny plot about a Charlton Heston type movie star being kidnapped, and the hapless Hollywood fixer who has to find him. It should be a very gaudy picture, with its only hurdle to clear is the early February release date, which could be a) a sign that the Coen’s just don’t give a shit, or b) the studio wants to drop it where no one will see it. We will see.

 

 

 

Everybody Wants Some: May 13

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His first film since his cinematic milestone and masterpiece Boyhood, Linklater returns to his stoner roots, with the spiritual sequel to possibly the best hangout film ever, Dazed and Confused; the 70s set stoner comedy that always found the chuckles, but never lost the poignancy of leaving your teenhood behind. This latest outing is set in the 80s and picks up exactly where Boyhood left off (if a few decades earlier) with a group of teens (played by refreshingly unknown actors) integration into their first year of college life and their college baseball team. Now this doesn’t sound that different from your typical stoner/gross out comedy of today, but with Linklater’s sensitive directing and thoughtful mind for youth and character, what sounds like a typical set up will (hopefully) be another timelessly funny and heartfelt film that captures that moment between teenhood, everything else, and who knows what.

 

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Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them: November 18

I like the Harry Potter films about as much as the next guy, I grew up with them. But honestly I might be looking forward to this more than any of those films, because I always found the most fascinating part of them to be the world itself. And now we have a film set in that world, Seventy years before the original films (so in the 20s), set in New York, led by one of the best young British actors working today Eddie Redmayne, and was penned by J.K Rowling herself…I’m shocking myself how game I am for this film, and you all should be too! It’s Harry Potter without Harry Potter!

 

The Disaster Artist: TBA

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The adaption from the unsurprisingly hilarious but surprisingly poignant novel about the making of The Room, the infamously best worst movie ever made, but is really about the friendship between its crazy maker Tommy Wiseau and his co-star Greg Sestero. Produced by Seth Rogan and directed by James Franco (who with his directing record doesn’t scream hope), but with a screenplay adapted by Scott Neustadter and Michael H. Weber, the screenwriters behind The Fault in Our Stars, The Spectacular Now, and 500 Days of Summer, I became far less worried. And that was before the all-star cast started flocking to it like moths to an eccentric flame. James Franco of course is taking the role of Mr Wiseau himself, and his little brother Dave is Greg, but as well as them; Seth Rogan, Zac Efron, Alison Brie, Sharon Stone, Josh Hutcherson, and Bryan fucking Cranston, are also co-starring. With such a shockingly A-list cast, we can only hope they’ve all gathered because of the strength of the script and talent involved, and nothing less. If Franco can make this even half as good as the novel, this could be one of the best films of 2016.

 

The Nice Guys: May 20

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If my look at Shane Black’s Kiss Kiss Bang Bang didn’t give it away, I love Shane Black when he does buddy movies. So it’s great to see him return with what looks like a spiritual sequel (or prequel) to that, with this 70s set dark comedy crime thriller that brings us the inspired pairing of Russell Crowe and Ryan Gosling; an enforcer and hapless private eye who team up to find a missing girl and solve the murder of a porn star…how can you not be stoked for that! So let the guilty violence and laughs commence!

 

 

 

 

Moana: November 23

moana-poster-conceitual-camundongoDisney’s next animated film after the disappointing Big Hero 6 (and fuck you it wasn’t that good) brought to us by the directing duo behind some of Disney’s greatest films (Aladdin, The Little Mermaid, Treasure Planet) and will follow an ancient Oceania tribal girl as she searches the South Pacific for a fabled island, helped by a demi-god voiced by Dwayne Johnson. Don’t know much beyond that, but with the talent involved we can but hope for another Disney classic, or at least something up there with Tangled and Frozen.

 

 

 

kuboKubo and the two strings: August 19

 

But this is the animated film I’m looking forward to most in 2016! Brought to us by the same team and studio behind the stop-motion masterpieces Coraline and ParaNorman, comes this action fantasy set in ancient Japan about a teenager fighting demons and searching for the magic armor his legendary samurai father once wore….it’s a STOP MOTION ANIME! I MEAN…how can you not be wetting yourself at the awesomeness of that! And with an all-star cast, the talent behind the scenes, and the recent trailer for it, all we can do now is wait and hope.

La La Land: July 15

Stars On The Set Of 'La La Land'

 

A musical dramedy about the romance between a jazz pianist played by Ryan Gosling, and an actress played by Emma Stone, and J.K. Simmons is in it too. Really the only reason this has made the list is that its writer and director Damien Chazelle’s follow up to his jaw-breakingly great Whiplash. Whether he’ll be able to live up to that will have to be seen, but I find it a good sign he appears to be going for a very different vibe for this film.

 

 

High-Rise: March 18High_Rise_2014_Film_Poster

The new and probably highest profile film from the bizarre director of Sightseers, A Field in England, and Kill List (the only of his films I have seen), Ben Wheatley; and stars Tom Hiddleston as the newest resident in a self-contained block of highrise apartments with a vicious classiest system, in this dark comedy Sci-fi thriller…or something like that. Co-starring Jeremy Irons and Elisabeth Moss, there is still a bit of mystery about this film, for all those who haven’t read the books it’s adapted from, as the advertisement has done a good job in being vague on plot but specific on tone and style. And with early release reviews beginning to come in I’m seeing almost equal people calling it a failed attempt at something grand, or hailing it as a masterpiece. So I’m glad its release date isn’t too far into this year, before we get a chance to judge for ourselves whether Mr Hiddleston has been using his Marvel down time on worthy projects.

Live by Night: October 7

2E0BBB1A00000578-3300941-image-a-62_1446500565850Ben Affleck finally took a break from acting to get back to his much more interesting career as a director, with this follow up to Argo. Adapted from another Dennis Lehane novel like his first and best film Gone Baby Gone, it’s a period crime thriller that follows the prodigal son of a police captain as he becomes a bootlegger and later a gangster legend. Again here because of the director and writer’s track record, he’s currently three for three on great thrillers, and I doubt Affleck’s in a hurry to break the streak; especially with his next directorial project being the first solo Batman film in the new DCCU. And that’s before mentioning that Mr Leonardo Dicaprio has taken on a producer hat for it.

Of course these are only vague predictions on what will be some of the best films in the coming year, as we all know that best films tent to come out of nowhere with a sharp left hook, not let us see it coming from months away.

Films Worth Seeing from 2015: The funny ones

Instead of a normal top ten list of the best films of 2015, here’s a list of film worth a watch from 2015, separated by genre and in now real order.

The Comedies (or the next best thing)

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A little seen but a very affectionate film that follows a witty but depressed cartoonist trying to be a single father and bounce back from his divorce. Now it doesn’t sound that different from your atypical rom-com shlock, but with a sensitive script that knows how to pluck your heartstrings to make you laugh and feel, and a surprisingly nuanced turn from Jemaine Clement (of Flight of the concords’ fame) and his chemistry with everyone he shares the screen with, People, Places, Things, becomes the movie equivalent of an awkward bear hug and a nice cup of coffee.

 

Mistress America

mistress_america_poster_midnight_marauder_2The second film this year from Indie director superstar Noah Baumbach, after his critically acclaimed While We’re Young, which was…okay. But he makes up for it here in this sharply funny and very earnest film about adult life, facing your limitations, and the fact that the people who act the happiest rarely really are. All as seen from the POV of an introverted university student as she gets to know her new manic pixy hipster step-sister. Again a bit of a plot-less film, but the shear energy Greta Gerwig brings to her role, and the zany dynamic she and every other character has, takes this film and its characters to a whole other level, and then turns the comedy around to look at the tragedy of it all. It’s possibly his best work since The Squid and the Wale.

The Big Short

the-big-short-movie-posters-001.jpg~original.jpgFrom the director of Anchorman of all people comes the other awesome investigative film of the year, and don’t believe the trailers, that is what this film is. Selling itself as some form of Ocean’s 11 but about the 2008 Credit Crunch, what this film actually turned out to be is a very in-depth and detailed look into all the fraud and corruption the Bank’s did to cause the financial crash. And it’s told from three different parties separately looking into it, each group led by an outstanding Christian Bale, Steve Carell, and Brad Pitt. But the trailer didn’t completely lie; this is a comedy (if a thrilling emotional one), with most of the big laughs coming from an enjoyably

Picture1.pngsleazy Ryan Gosling who narrates the film while also having his own place in it, trying to explain to us the inner workings of stock broking, and introduces some ridiculous celebrity cameos. Surprisingly well directed, and masterfully written and acted, it has a few bums and clunks in its tone, but is much more than the fast and funny caper the trailer tried to sell it as.

The Voices

This being Troubled Production’s other producer’s favorite film of 2015, I’d8345_poster_iphone of felt bad if I didn’t mention it somewhere, but that’s far from the biggest reason it’s here. The Voices is a delightfully quirky black comedy from the director of Persepolis (because of course), led by a possibly career best Ryan Reynolds as a mentally ill serial killer who talks to his dog and cat. If that doesn’t sell it to you, nothing will. This film revels, revels, in its warped quirky darkness, and manages to be simultaneously, outlandishly funny, disturbingly dramatic, and just plain charmingly odd because of it. It’s a film with a bonafide destiny to be a cult classic, for the people who like their comedy, dark, violent, and silly. And with this, thevoices0002

Mississippi Grind, and a hopefully awesome Deadpool, let’s hope the underrated Mr Reynolds is back on the rise.

 

 

The Diary of a Teenage Girl

8c9eb37b259f536f6381af56983f06baThe oddest but most accurate description I’ve heard for this 70s set coming of age dramedy, is that it’s the spiritual sequel to Inside Out…now they don’t mean that the titular teenage girl has a bunch of voices in her head, but is instead referring to that it follows the growing development of a young soon to be woman. As Inside Out ends with Riley on the cusp of teenhood, The diary of a teenage Girl picks up a few years later with a fifteen year old girl’s sexual awakening (forgive me for using the word sexual in the same sentence as Inside Out), and that’s what the film is about in a nutshell; sex. It’s about the first time and the times after that, it’s about becoming comfortable with yours and other’s bodies; Picture2it’s about experimenting and working out what gets you off, and then finding the limits. And I have SUCH respect for this film, because it’s about a fifteen year old’s sexual awakening and it shows it. There are no cutaways or clever angles, you see all of her, and that adds such authenticity to her and her story; because the fact that the film doesn’t shy away from you, means you don’t shy away from it; through every sweet, funny, and emotional moment, on this journey to the end of innocence and the start of everything else.

Man Up

This is that special romantic comedy large_large_y7C1EQ9zxJ3mlaQeRztw3NVw41Pthat’s the perfect mix of cynicism and cheese ball romance, of those little moments and grand gestures. And is the best non-blockbuster/ Edgar Wright film Simon Pegg has ever done. Following a 30 something woman in a romantic rut, she ends up stealing someone else’s blind date, and going on an amazing date with them instead. Now with that set-up this could have easily turned into a basic liar revealed plot, but I’m happy to say it doesn’t (if it did would it be here), and instead goes off in much sweeter and funnier directions. It’s definitely one of the funniest films of the year, and the perfect date movie for people who hate date movies.

Sleeping with Other people

236272This is just funny. Yeah it’s sweet, raunchy, and romantically mature too at times, but mostly it’s just funny. Jason Sudeikis and Alison Brie make a strong double act, playing two sex addicts who start a platonic friendship to try and help each-other deal with their relationship issues, and of course fall in love along the way. So it does get a bit too cliché at the end, but the journey there is so fun and so tastefully raunchy it’s still definitely worth a watch.

 

 

 

Me, and Earl, and the Dying girl

Along with The Big Short, and The me-and-earl-and-the-dying-girl-poster-olivia-cookeDiary of A Teenage Girl, this is the other film pushing the boundary for ‘comedy’ this year. Not because it isn’t funny, it’s filled to the brim with funny teen angst and witticisms, but it’s also about a girl dying of cancer, and this isn’t no Fault in Our Stars shit (I say actually liking that film), and stays far away from schmaltz, opting for a much bleaker and deadpan look at teen life and death, and has no quorum ramping up the seriousness and heart wrench when the time comes. Now it maybe too self-indulgent and referential for some people and it definitely reeks of 90’s teen dramedy at times, but past that I found a very earnest and true look at teen life on the outside and at dealing with death, that really captures the teenage voice.

Top 5

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Oh and Top 5 was pretty funny. Forgot about that one till I just came to post this.