Unhuman (2022)

Quick Synopsis: Seven misfit students must band together against a growing gang of zombies

Was really looking forward to this. It looked like it was going to be funny, violent, and slick. Basically I thought this was going to do with zombies what Freaky did with body swap cÍomedies. It’s not quite there, but that is what it’s aiming for. It’s definitely trying to do that, but it’s just not good enough to reach it.

Directing and editing are a bit like making a soufflé, there’s a fine line between perfection and the whole thing collapsing in on itself. This tries so hard to be slick and cool, but is too visually busy at times. Even scenes which are just conversations are overstylized to the point where it’s almost comical. There’s one in particular at the start where there’s an edit which is definitely a conscious choice, but feels like a mistake.

The directing and the writing are the weakest parts of this. The whole thing feels weirdly dated, to a very specific time too: the late 90’s early 2000’s. All that’s missing is a nu-metal soundtrack. There’s a cool mid-point plot twist that is pretty surprising, but I feel like it needs to be set up better. It also comes at a weird time, around halfway through. If it happened earlier then it would be the inciting incident and would set the film up as different from its contemporaries. If it happened later than it would propel the film into a chaotic third act, but it happens in the wrong place to achieve either. It also doesn’t do that thing that great twists do, you don’t sit there thinking “I’m going to watch this again and catch all the clues that led to this reveal”.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s a pretty damn good twist, and very cleverly thought of, it’s just poorly executed. Probably would have been helped if the characters were better, they’re so poorly defined that you could swap the characters at multiple points and it wouldn’t affect the story that much. They don’t feel like they have a relationship outside of this film, their lives begin and end when the film does.

There are some promising moments though: the bus crash itself is very well shot. Although there’s a moment in it where someone bashes their head on the chair in front and gets a broken nose. But the impact itself is weirdly flat and if it wasn’t for the CGI blood you wouldn’t think it did any damage. There’s a great split-second moment afterwards though where a guy is handed a menstrual pad to pass over to the broken nose girl to help clean up the blood. The pad is new and in an unopened box, but the guy still acts with utter revulsion. I don’t know whether that was the actor’s decision or the director’s, but it was really smart and so funny.

The cast? It’s okay. The main star is Brianne Tju, better known for being in TV adaptations of 90s horror films, which is a weird niche to be in. Drew Scheid also seems to have found a niche as “nice guy in a horror movie who turns out to be creepy”. There are no real standout performances, you mostly get “wait, where do I know that person from?”. It was released by Paramount yet the whole thing SCREAMS “Made for MTV” in terms of casting.

It feels like it’s influenced by the John Hughes movies of the 80s, but doesn’t seem to understand what made those films work. It’s not enough to just have “here’s a jock, and here’s a fat kid, and a shy girl, all trapped together”, you need to have heart. You need a warmth to the whole thing. There needs to be an emotional lynchpin to base the situation around so that you can relate, and this lacks that.

It’s a shame as I had a lot of hope for this, and it’s a shame that it ended up being so disposable and forgetful. Also, and I appreciate this is a weird criticism: it’s nowhere near as gay as it should be.

You Are Not My Mother (2021)

Quick synopsis: In a North Dublin housing estate, Char’s mother goes missing. When she returns, there’s something “different” about her.

I will always be a sucker for a slow-burn horror film. Don’t get me wrong, I adore a fast-paced slasher with blood from the outset. But there’s a weird sense of satisfaction I get from watching the closing section of a slow-burner, when everything comes together and the tension starts ramping up. This is one of those, it’s not the quickest film, not going to be one where you’re sitting there thrilled throughout. But it is one where you’ll be watching and enjoying. It’s the cinematic equivalent of when you read a book by the fire, and you’re so hooked that you finish the whole book in one night. It’s genuinely a compelling watch. It’s set in Ireland, the quiet modern world providing a lovingly simple backdrop to the haunting narrative. That’s the best location for this story, I feel if it was in a large city it wouldn’t have the cosy familiarity that it needs to work. It would also require a different type of audio, you’d need the sound of the hustle and bustle of city life, so you couldn’t get the silence and the darkness that this needs for the narrative to breathe.

That’s the best way to talk about one of the possible downsides of this film, it is slow, and that won’t be for everyone. There are also some plot points which are started, but not really closed. I know that closure is unrealistic, but there are some things which feel like they’re forgotten. Trouble is, I’m not entirely sure how you could have closed them without disrupting the narrative. It’s really tricky, and really picky of me to point out. You also get the feeling that this might work better as a short, it does struggle to fill the length sometimes. There are also moments where characters don’t question things which they probably should, it feels like this is just because if they asked questions and investigated, the film would be over quicker.

This is Kate Dolan’s debut feature as both a writer and a director. She’s found success in her shorts, creating the award-winning Catcalls back in 2017. There’s been a lot of promising debuts over the last few years, particularly in horror, especially from female creators. Some have shown promise (Umma), some have shown potential but aren’t quite there yet (How To Deter A Robber), and some instantly get you into the creator (Censor). This is up there towards the higher quality, I won’t exactly rush out and have a NEED to watch everything she has done, but if I’m watching a trailer and I see the words “By Kate Dolan”, it will be the deciding factor about the film. She has a great talent at narrative misdirection, but then making it seem like the ending was the only possible way, almost like it’s mocking you for thinking one thing was true. Her directing is pretty much spot on too. She knows when to inject suspense into a scene, and when to have it play like a drama. The biggest compliment I can give her as a director is it’s a horror movie that doesn’t feel like a horror movie. That’s a weird point I know, so I’ll just explain it. Often things in horror movies only happen because they’re horror movies: there are people just walking around a house while creepy music plays and they’re terrified. But if you think of it from their reality, they don’t hear the music, so what are they scared of? It makes you very aware you’re watching a movie. This plays out like a drama, so when the horror moments happen, the grounding in reality that the film has established means the horror feels real. These aren’t characters in a horror movie, these are real characters who are living, and are having a horror movie happen to them.

Her work is aided by the performances, the central 3 (Ingrid Craigle, Hazel Doupe, and Carolyn Bracken) work so well together that I could watch a film that’s just the three of them in a room talking for 90 minutes. Carolyn deserves special mention purely because of how physically demanding her role as the mother (and “mother”) is. She technically plays two roles and carries herself differently in both. There’s one scene in particular where she shines and is a great example of her talent. She’s dancing around the room, very graceful and elegant. But then it gets weird, and the dancing has a strange, almost violent energy to it. It is still elegant, but it’s a violent elegance that is beautiful to watch but also terrifying.

That’s how I sum up this film: terrifying elegance. The biggest disappointment is that it’s on Netflix and I didn’t get to see it at the cinema.

F@ck This Job a.k.a Tango With Putin (2021)

Quick synopsis: A documentary about the rise and predictable fall of Dozhd, an independent news company based in Russia.

I don’t normally do documentaries, but this one intrigued me. It was difficult for me to find as I was searching for it under its original title, which is difficult to find as it includes symbols in the title. Then I found out it’s also got another name, and is available on iPlayer, which is nice (under the Storyville section).

This is depressingly needed now. The invasion of Ukraine didn’t come out of a vacuum, it’s been set up and orchestrated for years. I don’t go into politics that much in these, mainly because it’s quite dull, plus it dates the reviews which would mean they’re not as enjoyable to reread in a year or so’s time. But occasionally there’s some stuff that goes beyond political, and becomes stuff that needs to be said. Being anti-racist isn’t political, it should be default. Similarly, being against a lot of what Putin has done isn’t political, it’s basic human empathy. He’s a prick, and It’s weird to see the love people have for him, which I’m sure has nothing to do with all the media talking about how great he is.

The control he has over the press is terrifying. The fact that a news company can unintentionally be notable just for telling the truth is strange. When Dozhd change focus from a happy optimistic news channel to hard-hitting journalism, the knives of the regime come out. The rest of the media calls them traitors, which is weird it’s clear to see that they deeply love their country, and that’s why it’s unthinkable to them to not fight for ways to improve it.

Now more onto the film itself. Vera Krichevskaya is a good choice for this as director and narrator. This is a story that needs to be told from the POV of someone who was there. I will admit, that there are moments where someone with a more flowing voice might have been a better option. Or have it in Russian and subtitle her narration. But that’s a small issue. Someone doing the narration just for a job would have been a disservice to the station. And having it be someone who wasn’t Russian would be kind of weird considering that this is a very Russian story.

It’s edited beautifully, it flows together like a fiction film, there’s no awkward “oh they obviously couldn’t say anything about this section” or “they had nothing to say here”, it flows together with a real sense of purpose and deliberateness.

Some of the interviewers could stand out a bit more. It doesn’t help that some of them look VASTLY different from how they did back then. Plus since the story only really focuses on one person, you don’t really get a chance to know most of the people involved. It’s a shame as the small glimpses we get of them show they are interesting people. Plus it would be good to find out more about the psychology of people who take on a project like this. At times it does feel not so much a look at the staff, or even the channel itself, and more a story about the owner: Natalya Sindeyeva. It focuses on her a lot, sometimes to the detriment of the film. Thankfully it’s not TOO big a detriment, not only because the channel itself is clearly a passion project for her, so by talking about Natalya, you do get a sense of Dozhd too, but also because she’s such an interesting person. She has the kind of energy where if you were at a party and she was in the room, all the attention would move to her. She captivates you with her presence and undeniable charisma. So when we see her go through what she does, it just makes it feel so awful. She has to leave the country she loves just because she disapproves of the leadership. Her friends and staff have been arrested and beaten, just for protesting. It adds a personal touch to the tragedy which is everyday life for Russia. The fear the general population have lived under, the worry that they are just one sentence away from being tortured, and how their fellow countryman not only seem to accept it, but embrace it.

Here’s the thing to remember though: all this shutting down of protests, all those arrests of “dissidents”, all of those inhuman government decisions that removed the rights of millions of people and killed thousands, all of them happened alongside the backdrop of silence from the UK and US governments. None of this was a problem to them. All of this was completely fine as long as Russian oligarchs still spend money on penthouse suites in London, or purchased our football clubs or sold us gas. People in bed with the Russian government performing these horrendous actions were still given access to Conservative politicians. All of this was completely fine. If our public figures had enough guts to stand up to them then, and started looking for other energy sources then the Russian military operation of this year wouldn’t have been as destructive on us as it is.

The Ukrainian invasion is mentioned very briefly in the end but it really changes this film. It would already be a compelling documentary, but knowing what comes after is a real kick in the balls and face. The fact that the channel still operates, but has had to move to another country for its own safety is a sign of pessimistic hope. In summary, well worth a watch, utterly fascinating, but in a depressing way.

Thor: Love And Thunder (2022)

Quick Synopsis: Gorr The God Butcher wants to butcher gods (hence this name). Thor is not happy about this. Also, Jane Foster has cancer and a hammer.

There’s been quite a few mixed reviews about this. On one hand I get it, but on the other I don’t. I feel part of that might be due to expectations. People expect certain things from Marvel films now, they expect cameos, they expect surprises, they expect every film to be the best one ever. This is not among the best films ever, but it is a lot of fun. As the film goes on you’ll have an idea of where it’s going, but you won’t know exactly. It’s got surprises, but not really any you can spoil. There’s no singular jaw dropping moment that the film anchors around. But in a way that saves it, what would No Way Home be without the appearance of Maguire and Garfield (Tobey and Andrew, not Harry and The Cat)? Because this doesn’t have a moment like that, it will hold up better in repeat viewings. It can’t really be spoiled in a sentence like some of the others can be.

It’s just generally a better story than they’ve done in a while. Not as many twists and turns, just a straight forward story with understandable character motivations and actions. Gorr The God Butcher is an understandable villain, but not completely sympathetic. It does try to make him one though, even trying to redeem him at the end, which is a weird step to take. It only works because he hasn’t really been shown as a villain. We see him kill the god at the start, but that guy was kind of a dick to begin with. We then get told “he’s killed this one, and this one”, it would be a lot better if we actually saw him kill an innocent god. As it is, his on-screen death count is one so he doesn’t seem to be that much of a threat. He definitely should have killed someone the audience knows. The fact that only one character we know dies in this film really hurts it. It had a chance to do something brave and game-changing but refuses.

That’s been a problem with a lot of MCU films lately though, we’re still waiting for something to happen, for that cataclysmic event that will change everything. The post-credits scene hints at something, which if it happens could define the next few films. But that’s all dependent on whether it’s followed up with, and quickly. Or whether it will be like the Adam Warlock reveal at end of Guardians 2 which has been five years in real-time and even longer in-universe due to the blip. Could be at least 10 years in that universe where that story has not developed at all.

One thing this does much better than any MCU film in years: it works as a stand-alone film. It does reference the others, but it does a good enough job of explaining other things that I think you could possibly go into this as your first Marvel film and not feel too lost.

There’s been some criticism of the humour in this. I don’t mind it. The characters make jokes, but they don’t do them in battle, they do them in casual conversation so the tonal whiplash isn’t too great. There are some very funny moments in this, and some sad ones. Overall I’d say it’s more funny than sad, but when it does have emotional moments, it hits hard.

In terms of performances, there are some strange choices made by some of the gods, the first one in particular is too reminiscent of Jim Howick for it not to be distracting. India Hemsworth has a lot of potential, showcasing her obvious talent in the small amount of screen time she’s given. Not quite at McKenna Grace levels of quality, but definitely has potential if utilised correctly. This is definitely the best Natalie Portman has been in the MCU. Although I’m not sure if part of that is because of performance, or due to the writing. I think it is the writing, this does a better job of displaying the Thor/Jane dynamic in a quick montage than the first two films did in their entirety. Christian Bale is good, but there are a few moments where he’s a bit too cartooney. Mostly works, but sometimes it does take away the fear factor which you should have of someone who is committing deicide.

In summary; if you’re a fan of Marvel films, you’ll enjoy this, probably. But this isn’t going to change your mind about the franchise as a whole. Much like……almost every Marvel film of the last few years to be honest.

Olga (2021)

Quick synopsis: Olga (Anastasiia Budiashkina) is a 15-year-old gymnast who is forced to live in Switzerland after protests in Ukraine render it an unsafe place to live.

A lot of films can amaze you with certain things, the look, the acting, the story, then there’s one like this where you’re amazed by just how fucking insane gymnastics are. Like, seriously, watch them, how the hell do they do that? The human body is not meant to operate like that, it’s phenomenal. How do they do that without internally screaming all the time? Impressive.

Now onto the film itself. I loved the opening for this. It starts off as a standard sports drama, her training and practicing in a slightly run-down building. All ready for an inspiring underdog story. . Then when she’s having a conversation with her mother, a car smashes into them. This is very sudden, there’s no deep meaningful conversation before it, there are no hints. In a brilliant directorial choice, the camera gives no clue what’s to happen, it doesn’t telegraph it at all. It truly comes out of nowhere in a sublime piece of whiplash, both mood and literal. So, is it going to be a “child driven to perfection by the memory of her dead mother” film? Nope, not only does the mother live, the car that hits them drives into them again, and in that second you realise it’s intentional. Then you remember the mother is a journalist. A journalist investigating the corruption of the pro-Russian president of Ukraine.
This film is set in 2013-2014 and was made before the 2022 Russian invasion, but that has certainly added another level to it. I feel bad saying it improves it because then I worry that comes off as “yes, war is bad, but it made a film better so it was worth it”. The film makes clear that whilst for the west, the invasion came as a surprise. For Ukrainians, and for anybody who was looking into it, it’s been on the horizon for a long time.

Quite a few of the emotional lynchpins of the film are based around the Euromaidan protests, when Ukrainians protested because they wanted closer integration to the EU as they felt membership of it was going to help keep them safe from Russian invasion. This was at a similar time as when the Brexit debate was kicking off and lots of Russian money was funded into getting Britain out of the EU, as such weakening the impact the EU could have. Don’t worry, I’m sure those two things happening at the same time are DEFINITELY just a coincidence.

The Maidan Square footage looks real, it very well could be. And the fact that she has to watch her homeland suffer like that whilst she’s safe in another country kills her. It’s after this moment that the actress shows her skill and how great a physical performer she is (or her stunt double). Her routine is still graceful and elegant, but there’s a certain snap to it that you can tell comes from a place of anger and frustration. I’ve never really understood people saying gymnastics is a form of expression because it’s all chosen for you and it’s the same. This has shown how wrong that was.

Looking back at it, it might not have been a stunt double. Anastasiia Budiashkina is a high-level gymnast, competing in the European championships in 2016. This just seems unfair considering how talented an actress she is as well. Her physical presence is incredible, she does some incredible non-verbal acting. It’s surprising that this is listed as her first film, she has a great future ahead of her.

Speaking of great first-timers, this is Elie Grappe’s first feature-length film, but you wouldn’t guess from looking at it. It has a lot more beauty than you’d expect. There’s a scene where someone is discussing what’s happening back home, and in the space above them scenes from the town square are superimposed, so you can see the lights of hundreds of mobile phones shining above the characters like starlight in the sky. There are moments which could be normal, but Grappe decides to give them a unique look. One example is someone lighting up a cigarette, Grappe shoots it in such a way that really highlights the colours of the flame and the background.

The writing is good too. But it will break you. The only way she can compete is on a Swiss passport, which means she has to get rid of her Ukrainian one. She essentially has to give up her national identity to survive. It’s slightly heartbreaking to be honest. Especially since Olga already feels guilty. The sense that she sold out her country by surviving is one of the core concepts, and it’s sold beautifully. Especially at the end when one of her former friends swears at her for leaving.

Her friend also provides one of the most subtle terrifying moments. When they meet again at a gymnastics event, Olga realises her friends hair is shorter “you look like a boy”. The response: “it stops me getting shit at the barricades”


On the subject of horrifying things: you may think you’re ready for the reveal of how bad her mothers’ injuries look. You’re not.

On the negative, there are a few moments where the momentum of the film is slightly halted. Some of her interactions with her Swiss teammates don’t seem very consistent, and a lot of the background characters are inconsequential.

Olga herself is a brilliantly written character though. A tormented and broken person who has to convey beauty and poise despite the darkness. See it just for her. This is a great character study, and an important historical viewpoint on a period we all hope will be over soon.

The Black Phone (2021)

Quick synopsis: Finney is a young child kidnapped by The Grabber in this adaptation of a Joe Hill short story.

A few weeks ago I reviewed Firestarter, it’s okay if you’ve forgotten, give me a few weeks and I’m going to forget everything about it too. One thing I do remember is thinking that it should have led with the opening credits. This is similar, the actual opening of the film is standard horror movie “develop doomed character” but only really giving them one trait so you don’t really feel too much fear from their death. It feels like it’s there just because “well this is horror movies start, right?”. It introduces you to the main character too, and his relationship with the kid who dies, but both of those could have been developed more naturally throughout the film. It flashbacks and explains the connection between the two characters later on anyway, so not as though you miss much.

In contrast, the opening credits are really well-done. They’re super creepy and disturbing, like a home video which you know ends in tragedy. If the rest of the film was like that I would have enjoyed it a lot more. It just feels a bit……well you can tell it’s adapted from a short story. It doesn’t really have the momentum to carry itself through a full-length film. It feels a bit stop and start so never really gathers enough pace to really be exciting or scary. The idea of a small child being locked in a basement and getting help from the ghosts of previous victims is an intriguing one, but because that doesn’t happen until quite a way into the narrative, the situation never feels as helpless as it actually is. The section of that character in the basement either needs to be longer so we feel his pain and despair, or needs to be shorter so that it’s the final section.

The pacing as a whole is a bit weird, but thankfully the performances are great. There are moments where some of the child actors are slightly weak, but that’s to be expected. Plus, the true star of this is Ethan Hawke. If Johnny Depp turns out to be a genocidal dictator and the industry needs to remake all his films with a different performer, Hawke wouldn’t be a bad shout. He has a dangerous playfulness to him that makes him seem both weirdly endearing but also terrifying. I get why they don’t have him in it that much, if you over-used that character you do risk either watering him down, making him sympathetic, or giving too much information about him away and thus reducing the mystique around him. They could do a slightly better job of building up the legend of The Grabber. The only people who discuss him are the kids. So you don’t really get the idea of a town in fear. Compare this to Halloween Kills, that film truly made Haddonfield feel like a town scared. I know this was the 70’s, and people were slightly more blasé about child safety, but you get the feeling that the parents would be more cautious about the safety of their children when there’s someone going around abducting them.

To end this on a positive, the ending section where al the kids knowledge builds together to create the perfect escape method is a great piece of scriptwriting, it’s very narratively satisfying to see it all come together like it does. Also, when the ghosts first appear the film shows the lives of the children leading up their demise. It’s incredibly simple but effective, instantly providing emotional backstory to what otherwise could be fairly flat characters.

So in summary: not one of the best horror movies you’re likely to see, but one of the most interesting of the last few years.

Lingui, The Sacred Bonds (2021)

Quick synopsis: Single mother Maria discovers her 15-year-old daughter is pregnant and the two seek an abortion, which is condemned by both religion and law

Mahamat-Saleh Haroun is a big deal in the film industy of Chad. It’s been argued that he’s the first Chadian director of full-length films. So him making a new film is a big deal, of the kind there is no English or American equivalent. This is the first film I’ve seen from him, and I’ll say I’m pretty impressed.

Yes, there are some flaws. Some of the editing is a bit weird. There’s one in particular where someone is walking behind someone, they get halfway behind them, then it jumps to them standing somewhere different. It’s not a mistake, as it’s clear there was a small time jump, but it is strange to see such an amateur mistake from such an experienced director such as Haroun. I do have to respect him for being a male who chooses to make a film about abortion rights. Let’s be honest, that’s not an issue that concerns men. So it’s an issue that he could ignore, that he could decide “nothing to do with me” and move onto something else. But the fact that he focuses on how shitty the laws regarding abortion are in that country is to be recommended. He has no dog in this fight, but he has chosen to enter it anyway.

It is a bit weird watching a film decrying backwards abortion laws lately, and this is no different. A story about a country where abortion is illegal and yet single mothers are still demonised, and this is all due to religion. You’re supposed to think “oh, that’s horrible”. But all you can think now is “so, like Texas?”

I should point out though, abortion laws in Chad are nothing like they are in Texas. Chad allows it to happen in case of sexual assault or if the pregnancy endangers the life of the mother. So Texas is more backwards than Chad, and that’s a country whose last president has a section on his Wikipedia page titled “died in battle”.

So that’s the politics, how about the film itself? It’s……it’s powerful. It’s shot in a very matter of fact way, there are no shots which blow you away in terms of impressiveness, Haroun preferring to let some of the natural beauty of the locations come through. Achouackh Abakar Souleymane plays Amina, and she does a very good job. Even when she is condemning her daughter, telling her that she can’t through with the procedure due to their religion, the doubt is visible on her face. From that alone you can tell how her story arc is going to go, about how she’s going to react to her leaders and neighbours. It’s an incredibly powerful performance, and one that helps the film become what it is. Rihane Khalil Alio plays her daughter, also giving a pretty good performance. They don’t quite have the perfect chemistry, there are moments where it feels like two strangers talking rather than a mother and a daughter. But then there are moments where you can feel a closeness between the two.

In a weird way this is a film not just about those two, but about the country as a whole. Yes, this is a film about the closeness of mother and daughter, but it’s also about the closeness of community. A community that has to stay hidden and do their work in the shadows. About the communities necessary for life to continue as it does with the harsh restrictions on them. In dystopian films it can often be horrifying to see someone so nonchalant about terrible things. This takes it in the opposite direction. When Amina’s sister is talking about her husband threatening their daughter with genital mutilation, it’s not in a “well that’s how it is, I’m so downtrodden I see this as normal”, she too is horrified by what’s going to happen. It’s a stark reminder that certain laws cause people to suffer, and just because they’re silent about it does not mean they’ve accepted it or given up. They’re still aware that is happening is a grave injustice, and they’re still FUCKING PISSED about it. They can’t depend on the government to provide help or sanctuary, and they can’t depend on their husbands, because they’re often the ones doing it. So who do these women depend on? Other women. A community of women looking out for each other, understanding and advising.

It’s strangely beautiful, but ugly once you realise why. Once you think about the sheer panic the members must live in every day. That panic does come through in this film, especially in the surprisingly violent final act. There’s an act of violence near the end which is incredibly realistic. That works for it and against it. It doesn’t make it seem cinematic, but the dull thuds give it a strange brutality that you wouldn’t get in other, more slick, productions. It doesn’t feel like we’re watching an act of violence on film, it feels like we just walked into a room and are witnessing it. It’s incredibly uncinematic, and in a way that makes it brilliant.

In summary, this is available on Mubi, so if you have an account on that, I would recommend checking it out.

All My Friends Hate Me (2021)

Quick synopsis: Pete is cautiously excited about reuniting with his college crew for a birthday weekend. But, one by one, his friends slowly turn against him.

People decry trigger warnings, but sometimes they’re useful, you can argue “they ruin the surprise” or “if you’re that bad then just don’t go to the cinema” but both of those ignore one simple thing:

You’re actually supposed to enjoy things sometimes. Even things it seems like you’re not supposed to. Horror books are supposed to use a font that’s actually legible so it’s not a struggle to read it, roller coaster seats are not supposed to be painful to sit in. It’s the same with films, it’s supposed to be something you actively want to do, and if trigger warnings will let you know that this film is not for you then that can only be a good thing. I’ve avoided certain films purely because I knew I wouldn’t be able to objectively watch them. As much as I might have enjoyed, for example, Another Round, the subject matter meant that there was a large chance I wouldn’t, so I avoided it.

So what does all that have to do with this film? Well if I knew going into this film how I’d feel going out, I might have avoided it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s very well made. It’s very funny at times, the performances are pretty much perfect, and it looks fine. It’s just…….it feels too real. It starts with the main character (who we’ve seen to be awkward) described as “funny” and how he now worries he has that to live up to. It’s so difficult to watch his anxiety beat the crap out of him, especially as you can kind of see why he’s so anxious. It feels sometimes like his friends are trying to gaslight him. They take him shooting and then berate him for not being able to shoot anything, saying it was disrespectful of him. They then hire an impressionist who just insults him the entire time.

And then to top it off, they say “it’s you. You’re why this weekend has gone wrong” is horrific. His anxiety drives all his friends away in a self-fulfilling prophecy. That’s not something you want to hear if you have anxiety, that you have to hide all your worries or everybody you love will leave you. It’s a lot to take in, maybe it would have been better if it was a short series so you had a break every half hour as opposed to taking it all in in one sitting.

So in summary, maybe you should see this. But there is a chance this film will lead you into a deep depression and do for friendship what Psycho did for showers, makes you wary and slightly frightened of them. If you have any insecurities, this film will play upon them, it will gnaw into your brain and reside there, making you think over your friendships and wonder if they are actually your friends or whether they hate you too. It’s a psychological horror for your mental health. Utterly fascinating, and you probably should watch it, but…..prepare something nice for after. I may have said that before in reviews, but I have never meant it as much as I do for this. No film has damaged my brain as much as this did, and that’s a huge compliment to just how spot-on they got everything.

The Princess (2022)

Quick Synopsis: When a strong-willed princess refuses to wed a cruel sociopath, she is kidnapped and locked in a remote tower. With her scorned, vindictive suitor intent on taking her father’s throne, the princess must protect her family and save the kingdom.

I was going to dismiss this until I saw the trailer and noticed it was far more subversive and bloody than I thought it would be. I’m glad I watched it as it’s a fun watch and a good way to spend 90 minutes.

I’m not that familiar with the work of Le-Van Kiet, who has mainly worked in Vietnamese cinema, but he did a really good job directing this and I could easily see him being the guy trusted to take on whatever action franchise replaces Fast And Furious. Truth be told, I think he’s only about two or three films away from being discussed as possible Bond director. Those films would need to be really good though as there are a few flaws in the directing here which will be more harshly criticised in a bigger film. Firstly, the CGI is really bad at some points, looking like a video game (especially the fire), and there are some moments which seem overly stylised. But mostly the stylised nature works in its favour. It provides it with a unique and fresh look akin to Kingsman (and yes, I am fully aware how weird it is to say something is unique and then immediately compare it to another film). The action set-ups are superb, there’s a lot going in them but you never feel lost, great sense of physical geography in fight scenes that make them very easy to follow.

There is still a question about whether films like this are catering to a female demographic, or pandering to them. Is it supportive or demeaning? There are arguments both ways, yes she is a strong independent female lead with no focus on romance, there are strong female side characters etc. But her clothes get torn off in fight scenes, and her character is still defined by men. I will be kind and lean towards thinking it’s catering for them. It does do it rather clumsily though. Remember that bit in Endgame where all the female superheroes suddenly appeared in the same shot and you could almost hear the “wooo, girl power, see, we support women” because of how unsubtle it was? There are moments where it’s reminiscent of that. It’s not the worst thing in the world, if it is going to do something like that I’d rather it do it with that message, not just the constant “I am strong man who is rude and sexually harasses women into relationships” themes that defined 80s and 90s action movie leads.

So yeah the message is basic, but what of the plot? Well that’s basic too. It’s very stop and start. She starts to escape, hides, starts to escape. It is clever that almost the entire thing took place in a single building, and is a lot more believable than “she escaped easily and then came back” but it would have been nice to have it feel less like a video game and more like a story. As it is, it’s just her constantly kicking ass for 90 minutes, which is fun to see but does mean that you could edit the film down to 10 minutes and not lose anything of substance. This isn’t helped by how lacking the supporting cast are. Dominic Cooper is having a great time as the antagonist, but the other characters are flatter than a pancake and just as disposable. It doesn’t help that almost all of them look slightly like a more famous actor.

In terms of performance, Joey King is……well it’s hard to tell. There are times when she’s brilliant, but then in some of the action scenes doesn’t quite have it. She’s mostly there, but there are a few moments where her movements (or the movements of her stunt double) don’t quite work, coming off a little stiff. Those are only fleeting moments though, otherwise, she’s pretty much perfect for this. Much better than she was in Wish Upon.

So in summary; there’s a lot to criticise about this film, but if that’s what you’re thinking when you watch it then that’s a bit weird (I mean, I do, but I am weird). It’s not to be analysed and pored over, it’s to watch and enjoy. It’s popcorn cinema at its best.

Elvis (2022)

Quick summary: Through the eyes of Tom Parker, this film chronicles the rise of one of the biggest stars in music history.

This is weird. I’m still not entirely sure about it. It’s either the best bad film, or the worst good film. It does some things brilliantly, and when it’s good, it’s very good. There are moments which will break your heart, moments which will astound you, moments which will teach you about American culture and the importance of music. Then there are moments which make you wonder if the filmmakers have ever seen a movie before. Moments where they make terrible decisions in how to display the narrative, moments where the editing is so bad it almost gives you a headache.

When I say “bad editing”, I’m not talking about complicated scenes which need editing and they’ve just made some weird choices. There are moments where two people are having a conversation and there is so little faith in the dialogue and performance that there’s a cut every few seconds just to keep things exciting. It doesn’t quite reach Bohemian Rhapsody levels of headache-inducing, but it’s the closest a big-budget film has got.

I know, you don’t expect subtlety and restraint from a Baz Luhrmann film. You know it’s not exactly going to be a calm and relaxed drama, but a little bit of restraint would help this film. There are scenes where all it needed to do was stay still, let the emotions wash over you as the conversation happens in front of you. The weird non-chronological nature at the beginning doesn’t help it either. As the film goes on it does develop into a more traditional narrative, but at the start, it jumps back and forth between different times and locations at an almost baffling pace. A lot of this film belongs amongst the worst I’ve seen all year.

But when it’s good, it’s very good. There are times where you forget you’re watching a modern film, it slips into feeling like life observation so easily. But then something breaks the immersion like hearing an Eminem song. But otherwise it all feels very real. The emotional beats it hits are pretty damn impressive, and it will make you feel things, which is difficult considering everybody going in knows how it ends.

In terms of casting, Tom Hanks is…..he’s okay. I’m not sure what would have been lost by casting someone less well-known and with a more natural accent. The supporting cast are all good without being remarkable. Really, this is all about the lead though. Austin Butler is phenomenal, he doesn’t just do an Elvis impression, the way he carries himself throughout is perfect. Elvis is a difficult role to play as everybody does an impression of him. Everybody has seen so many films of him that any missteps will be noticed. Plus, his fans are very obsessive so will notice differences. He does everything so well that you genuinely forget you’re not watching Elvis himself at times.

The familiarity everybody has with him does somewhat hurt the story too. Everybody knows a lot about him, and this doesn’t really tell you anything new. It is a LONG film, but it doesn’t have much to say. It feels like an edited version of something bigger.

I am opposed to unnatural splitting of movies into trilogies etc, but I feel that would have helped it here. Especially since the story is very episodic in nature, it has a basic narrative of “Parker is a bastard” but that’s not enough to really anchor the whole thing, so it splinters into episodic storytelling that causes it to constantly stop and start. You could easily split this into three movies, and I know EXACTLY where you could split them:

  1. The rise of Elvis, his relationship with black music (one great thing about this film is it puts the fact he was influenced by black artists out there), and how the police tried to shut him down. You end this when he defies the police and to avoid being arrested is sent to the army.
  2. Army and then his transition into an actor. End this when records his comeback special, performing songs his manager doesn’t want him too, but being so damn good that it revives his career.
  3. Vegas Elvis.

All of this is covered in the film. It’s weird as it feels like every one of those sections has it’s own three act structure within it. But because they’re all fit into one they feel rushed (even though it is nearly 3 hours long). If they were split then it would allow the effects of each story to be explored more. We saw a lot of how Elvis reacted to events, but we didn’t see how the world reacted to him. He goes from completely unknown to Biggest Star In The World in a small montage so you don’t really get a sense of how it happened.

If you hoping to use this to pass a test about Elvis, you’re out of luck. But if you were using this to UNDERSTAND Elvis, to work out why he was such a big deal, you couldn’t ask for anything better.

In summary: it’s obviously very good and has some excellence, but it feels like it’s being harmed by external forces trying to push it in a direction it doesn’t want to go in. Which is kind of perfect for an Elvis movie when you think about it