So a few years ago I had a really bad pun I needed to get rid of. It was too bad to use on it’s own on facebook so I had to think of a way to make it somewhat acceptable. In the end I decided on this:
Okay it’s not the best method but it transformed a shit joke into a mediocre one. I then used the “reasons I’d make a terrible superhero” to dump out more bad puns, then shit changed. I started to use jokes about the format of superhero movies, about morality, and about vengeance. People really started to dig it, so I considered having it in another medium. We briefly had a webcomic (visible here) but I needed more. I eventually decided as a sketch show, albeit one where every episode has a running theme. It was when I was thinking of this that I came up with one of the most distinguished parts of the series: Lee would be a male character, but Superlee would be female. I’ll freely admit that this is because the one performer I trust with this character is a woman, plus I found the idea funny. It’s easy to justify too, just say “well, of course, I look different, that’s a point of a secret identity”. That part has been kept, because I found it funny, and it’s unique. Plus it really sets up the weird pseudo-reality tone that I’m going for. There was just one issue; sketch shows are really fast-paced, and the way I write REALLY isn’t. So I put it on the backburner until last month when I needed to write a sitcom for reasons I can’t be bothered to go into here. It went through a few structural changes as I was writing it. I had a character who was originally supposed to be in one scene but then I decided to make him a season regular. I added a narrator, not so much for the benefit of this episode but it will really come into it’s own later in the season. The format is pretty much settled, and all but one major character. I’ve set up the first season with this episode and I’m pretty proud of what I’ve managed, especially since with the exception of one scene it’s filmable on a cheap budget. I know this isn’t the final draft, but I’ve definitely got the major parts down. I feel different drafts from here on in will be tweaks rather than complete rewrites. Hope you guys enjoy it too, here you go:
Very similar to the last one, only this time it won’t be franchises I’m looking at, I’ll be focusing on one-off games that for some reason never got a sequel. Here I’m mainly looking at the very weird, and the incredibly wonderful. The newest game here is 18 years old, so I think it’s safe to say that for all of these if there was going to be a sequel it would have happened by now. I mean, can you imagine doing a sequel in 2020 to something released in the ’90s? It would never work.
Space Station Silicon Valley (N64: 1998)
Okay, this is a weird game (expect that to be a recurring theme throughout this blog btw). Originally released in the late ’90s, when Sega was still a big deal, and the PlayStation was huge. The video game market was huge at the time in terms of variety, you had games where you could control a wide range of white people, muscle-bound men, heavily chested women, all of them were seen by marketers as the pinnacle of humanity. It’s in this environment where this game was released and you controlled……a computer chip. You see, this game is populated by robotic animals so you can jump into any dead robot animal and control them. It’s a wonderfully unique system which leads to different ways of playing the game. Every animal has two special skills, fox’s for example, can use a rocket boost, kangaroos can punch, sheep can go “baa” (oh, and they can float). This game is perfect for a reboot because of the animals, the merchandise potential is huge (50 animals-50 funko pops). Even if it’s not this game exactly, the idea of controlling a computer chip in a world of robots is brilliant. Can you picture that in an open-world game? The possibilities it will open up are endless and the potential for DLC is staggering.
B.O.B (SNES: 1993)
Yup, another robot game. This one’s a platformer though. It has a weird sense of humour that’s kind of charming (the game starts with the main character crashing his dad’s space car into an asteroid whilst on a date). It’s a standard platformer but because you’re controlling a robot it means you have access to different attachments including helicopter blades, trampolines, etc. It has a good health system too, you gain health by just going into recharging points. This makes sense as, you know, it is a robot. I kind of love the look of it too, it has a kind of electric plant look. Look at the picture above, that’s how it deals with inside scenes, now look at the outside ones:
I love the level of detail on everything, it makes it feel, I dunno, “squelchy”? So the whole thing feels alive, it feels like the character is on an alien world full of life. Now if this were to be remade today I’m not sure how it should be done, a 3D one would be kind of cool but I feel it would risk losing some of the charm it has. Plus some graphical styles only seem to work 2D, if this went 3D they’d either have to make it cel-shaded, or *shudders*, realistic. You need to keep this simple and fun, but I feel you could lean into making it funnier; maybe lean into making it more of a Metroid parody.
Glover (N64/Playstation: 1999)
I’ll admit I haven’t actually played this game. It’s a late replacement for Zombies Ate My Neighbours, which I only today found out had a sequel to Ghoul Patrol, and as such isn’t eligible for this blog (shame as I LOVE LOVE LOVE that game). So, what causes this game to warrant a mention despite never having played it? Well, you play a glove, and the point of the game is to get a ball to the end of the level. Admit it, that is SUPER unique. You could even make that game a VR one with motion controls in the modern era. It’s not the most famous glove in video game history, that would be the power glove, and how was that received?
Oh, not good then. So yeah it’s safe to say this is probably the best-received videogame based glove of all time. I admit that’s an extremely low bar but still.
This is a weird game, but it would also be a lot of fun for drunk people to play together. Do short levels where people make asses of themselves in front of their friends.
Blast Corps (N64: 1997)
This is a strange game, but once I tell you the premise of it you’ll wonder why it’s not been done since. Here goes: you have to destroy buildings to stop a runaway nuclear missile hitting them. Yes, it’s incredibly 90’s but it’s just so satisfying. In many ways it’s a puzzle game, you have to figure out the best way of achieving the goals with the tools at your disposal. And there’s a lot of tools (insert obvious joke here) for you to play with. Bulldozers, giant robots, the A-team van, all of them you can use. Personally, I feel that’s the games biggest weakness; there’s no consistency between levels. You’ll be driving a bulldozer in one level and the next one you’d have to attempt it with a dump truck when it would have been easier with the aforementioned dozer. There’s no reason given for you abandoning the vehicle at the end of every level and it’s just kind of weird as it makes no sense for the story. This is the biggest change I’d make. I’d also attempt to link the levels somehow so it’s a semi-open world. So each level is distinct but you drive through tunnels to get to the next one whilst it loads, giving the appearance of one continuous level (similar to how they did it in Tony Hawk’s American Wasteland). Have it so you can have any vehicle you’ve unlocked if you choose, BUT either have it so you have to pay attention to petrol levels, or have vehicle wear and tear so you don’t use the same one again and again.
Eternal Darkness (Gamecube: 2002)
Obviously, I was going to mention this. A psychological horror game where you have a sanity meter, and when that depletes, well, shit gets weird. By which I mean:
A character dramatically changes size, growing to become a giant, or shrinking to become tiny.
Blood drips off the walls
Paintings change from idyllic landscapes to hellish ones.
Statues come to life and look at you as you walk past them.
So far, so standard, right? I mean, it’s a neat quirk but nothing game-changing. But then it gets MUCH better when it doesn’t just get weird for the character, it does for the player too. It’s great as it starts messing with your head as you play it. Here are some of my favourites:
The screen goes blank, making it seem as if your TV has turned itself off.
The volume suddenly lowers.
The camera begins tilting.
The game will appear to reset.
A fly starts walking on the screen.
That last one genuinely got me, I went up to the screen and tried to swat it way. Clever bastards. I think this is a great idea and one I’d love to see implemented (why the Resident Evil or Outlast franchises haven’t done something similar I have no idea). It’s even more puzzling when you consider the multiple new ways players can be messed with. Just off the top of my head:
Lost internet connection.
Fake messages from your contacts.
Deleting all your games.
A message from the police saying they’ve found illegal content in your internet history (for PC version)
Even better (but MUCH trickier to do) would be to have it connect to a camera that is directed at the player and shown onscreen (like when you watch a lot of streamers on twitch etc). Then have THAT screen get fucked up, make it look like things are appearing behind them etc. This will also REALLY add to the experience of watching them being streamed. Another way; if people have headsets on where they’re talking to people then have fake voices on it. Now, these suggestions are intense and could lead to issues, but just imagine how shit scared you’ll be playing them.
That’s that done, which obvious ones did I miss? I know I’m probably missing A LOT of sega and PlayStation games, so let me know.
So during this lockdown, I’ve been watching some youtube playthroughs of video games (without commentary, of course) for, I dunno, I can’t even say “reasons” because there isn’t any, but I’ve been doing it anyway. There’s been the good, the bad, and the just kind of terrifying,
But there’s also been quite a bit of disappointment. Disappointment mainly at all these franchises that don’t really exist anymore, at least not to the same popularity. It confuses me as to why Bomberman isn’t still a big deal as you’d think online multiplayer would be perfect for that. Maybe the issue for that is the games are too long to be just quick “ok onto the next one” but too short to feel too much accomplishment, I dunno (I don’t play multiplayer online due to sucking at games and dying repeatedly isn’t a fun experience for me). So with that in mind, here’s five franchises I wish still had games.
Last Game: F-Zero Climax (2004)
That’s insane to think about. There are people who can vote who won’t remember one of these games coming out. To the point that I might have to explain it to people: racing games in really fast spaceships. It’s weird as these games have usually been used to showcase incredibly innovative ideas. From using Mode-7 Scrolling to simulate 3D environments on the SNES, to the X Cup which I still consider one of the greatest features in racing games. What it did was randomly created a track every time you played, I don’t mean “it picked a track for you”, I mean it created a new one. This was on the N64 so the fact it’s not still being used by other games now is weird.
How To Bring It Back
First off, keep the X-Cup, but allow us to save courses we like. As great a feature as it was, it could be frustrating to play an exhilarating course and then know it will never happen again (I once had a course with such a bad opening turn that almost every other racer fell off it). Similar to that, be able to create courses. This was able to be done on the N64 one, albeit only on the 64DD version. They could probably get away with doing a slightly lower-priced game with minimal tracks but the ability to share tracks online.
Last Game: Pilotwings Resort (2011)
I feel there should be an asterisk next to that as that wasn’t really a Pilotwings game, it was a flight simulation. Despite the aim of the game kind of being “get a pilots license” the game itself is so much more than that, taking in sky-diving, jet packs etc. Not really missions per se, more series of minigames based around flight.
How To Bring It Back
More minigames. Instead of just “fly through these rings and shoot this” add different flight styles. So you have old planes where the idea is just straight flight through rings with take-off and landing. But you also have planes like the Red Arrows where you have to fly in formation, and also some in which you have to do tricks. Add this attitude to the skydiving ones too; some are based on you landing in a certain place, some will be on flips before opening the parachute, and some will be staying in a formation with people. You could also potentially add more sports. This is where the main money could be made; DLC sports. So you add more sports post-release to keep the game in peoples minds. I’m not opposed to DLC on principle, I feel if it truly adds to the game and if it’s not stuff that should have been added originally then it’s fine. I feel if you put enough attention into this then the DLC for this could work.
Last Game: Paperboy Re-Release (Xbox 360, 2007)
Well, I say 2007, that was a re-release with pretty much the same graphics etc as the original, so not sure that counts. I have fond memories of this game but it did not transition to 3D well. I think that’s because it’s a game where you have to aim sideways. In an isometric environment, this is fine because the high angles give you a good view of either side of the main character. But in a 3D environment, you either can’t see to the side of you that well, (so you can’t aim) or you can’t see in front of you, so you can’t drive.
How To Bring It Back
One way is to keep it 3D so it still fits into the modern age, but have it co-op multiplayer (either online or split-screen if on the same console). So one person does the bike controls and one person does the aiming. This is the kind of thing that would require intense teamwork to get through, and it will be either fun or a nightmare, but it will be interesting none-the-less. Another way is to forget the “aiming and shooting papers” part and make it more like Crazy Taxi where you just have to get to a certain spot as quickly as possible. Although then that wouldn’t so much be “Paperboy” as “Uber-eats Delivery” (actually that could genuinely work). Alternatively, keep it isometric and make the game so good that people don’t bitch about the graphics. If Mario can still do 2D platformers you can still do a game like this.
Last Game: Rampage Total Destruction (2006)
Okay, there was a game released after this, but it was only in arcades so that doesn’t count. It’s weird as they had a film based on this out a few years ago (hence the arcade game) so you’d figure a console release would be a good idea. In this game, you essentially just destroy buildings as a giant monster.
How To Bring It Back
You destroy buildings as a giant monster, what else needs to be said? This is actually quite tricky though as the gameplay could be quite repetitive after a while. I suppose the best way to do it would be different monsters control differently, which would make it more puzzle-based. So you could have some that can’t jump, some that can range-attack etc. Alternatively, and this is going to be much less likely to happen but here goes:
License it to Warner Brothers so you can get King Kong and Godzilla. Yes it would go against the spirit of the films to have Godzilla as a destructor, but as if video game adaptations ever let a small thing like that bother them.
Potentially you could also have an online mode similar to Friday The 13th, where one person plays as the monster destroying everything, and the others play as humans trying to survive the rampage.
Personally, I wouldn’t need all that though, I would be perfectly happy just walking around destroying towns and cities for a while, but maybe that’s just me.
Last Game: Destruction Derby Arenas (2004)
So, we end with the game that inspired this whole blog. A game where you not only race but also have to destroy the other cars as you do so. It had 4 games back in the day and is one of the only games which made me regret choosing Nintendo over Playstation (not in some “ideological warfare” way, in an “I’m 10 so my opportunities for having enough money to buy all the consoles is limited” way). More than any other game, this just seems fun.
How To Bring It Back
Focus on The Bowl arena, make it larger and use it as an online arena so you have a sort-of vehicle-based Fortnite, with the ability to use your winnings to upgrade your vehicle. Make that part free but have other game modes available for a price. When it comes to the game modes the courses available are important. I feel standard race tracks for this take away from its unique identity. You can either have the courses on streets so it seems like illegal racing (so no laps, just “Get to the endpoint”) or you can have it on dirt courses and give it a kind of rustic feel. If you do that you could have a standard race, and then a demolition derby at the end. Again, your winnings giving you the ability to upgrade your vehicle.
So, that’s the list, what ones did I miss out? Off the top of my head: Shinobi, Streets Of Rage come to mind but are there any other really obvious ones that I’m missing?
So yeah, I attempted to write a sitcom. I’ve had this “gimmick” for a while now but didn’t really do much with it. The difficulty with it is how to sell it to people. Outside of the central gimmick, I don’t really know what separates it from others; the situations and characters are pretty standard.
The gimmick: the two main characters have a “Headspace” (Hey, that’s the title of the show). It’s essentially a monologue room/look inside their brain. Both rooms will be relatively blank at the start: containing just a chair. The room itself will be used to show how their minds are at the moment: as they get closer their rooms will start to share certain elements to showcase the closeness of the characters. When the characters start feeling depressed this will be symbolised by their rooms becoming more empty. Within the monologue room, the characters will be interacting with the viewing audience (for example at one point one of the characters will refer to something that a character just said and point out that the show will be coming back to it in a future episode).
I’m aiming for a slightly meta sense of humour, with the occasional joke made about typical sitcom tropes and conventions. As the series goes on these will get larger, so you have entire episodes that deal with tropes specific to a certain genre. For example, there will be a Halloween episode which is based around the characters telling stories. This will be mocking the different trends often used in the different types of horror films. As the series develops I’d be able to develop more emotional storylines which will tug on the heartstrings of the viewer. That is why my first attempt at doing this script failed. I was too miserable to delve too deeply into my own psyche and look at mental health issues. It just made it kind of hateful and cruel, and incredibly disjointed. I think I’ve done better with this, made the characters more likeable, have a much better first episode plot than I did last time too. The tricky thing is setting up the gimmick, I need to do it enough times that the audience grasps it, but not do it so much it becomes annoying. I think I’ve managed that but it’s not really for me to judge.
I know at the moment it’s not really there yet. I need to delete a few pages, develop the side characters more, and (most importantly) make it funnier. I’m going to need a MUCH higher joke ratio for this to work, but I feel for a first draft I’ve done pretty well here. I’m currently doing a pilot script for another sitcom, and I should be able to post that in a few days time, that one has a MUCH higher joke rate. Jokes are something I really struggle with, I’m okay with comedic situations etc, but I take way too long to get to them and for a sitcom that’s not really suitable. They really need to come thick and fast (title of your sex tape) and to be honest, I kind of suck at that (that’s what she said). It’s a unique skill, and I’m getting there, but it’s obviously going to take practice. I’m going to need to do drafts which are just putting in jokes etc. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it, notes and feedback always welcome
Okay now I’m getting to the fun parts. The best parts of these movies are the deaths. Because they take place in a dream world you really have no limits so you can get as creative as you want. You need them to be creepy and disturbing. Not sure if it’s just me but I like when the deaths link into the persons character. I feel that makes sense as people dream about things that affect them, so it only makes sense that their dream deaths would be linked to them. That’s what I’m attempting to do in this. I’m about to enter the “adding new characters” stage and I know who some of them are already based solely on how I want them to die. That’s probably a backwards way of doing it but it works for me. Anyway, here’s what the deaths will be like
A little bit of background on these two characters:
Alex is a wannabe bodybuilder, who in the scene before this we found out has a real complex about his strength, he has the need to always be the toughest guy in the room, that’s why I had his death take place on one of those “test your strength” fairground machines. Originally I was going to have it take place in a gym but realised that had already been done (I think in the fourth one) in a REALLY creepy piece of body horror where a set of weights were pushed down and used to break a characters arms. I wouldn’t be able to top that so I decided to go in a different direction. Plus I figured it wouldn’t be bad enough for him to be outmuscled, the worst thing would be for him to be outmuscled in public so everybody sees. The little girl being the one to do it came about because it’s a good opportunity to use the creepy Freddy girls in this movie. You know, the ones in the blue dress who sing the rhyme? If I dressed the little girl in it similarly it would be a nice way for me to give a shout out to the original series without being distracting. Originally I had the final blow be done by a random bodybuilder, to show him that no matter how hard he works out, there will always be someone better. I then mentioned in passing to someone that I was considering having the small girl do it instead, and that was received much more favourably so I changed it to that. Someone else mentioned having the head hit the bell at the top. Didn’t do that as I wanted the skull to be shattered, but I did like the concept so I modified it slightly and instead had a small segment of the head hit the bell. This had the double advantage of leading to the next scene. The next scene takes place in a class, so I could easily match up the piece of skull hitting the bell, and the bell ringing in the class.
Now, the second one takes place in a swimming pool. I will freely admit this one was inspired heavily by a graphic novel I found called Clean Room by Gail Simone. If you get a chance I highly suggest you read it as it’s incredibly creepy and inspired some imagery which I will use in this. What was most useful to me from it was these two scenes:
I saw that and thought “I could definitely use that”. I named the child Terry in homage to this scene. The challenge with this was making it different enough so that it wasn’t just “me stealing shit from women writers and claiming it as my own”. I wanted to use it as a jumping-off point for something else, and I like to think I did that. It’s why his death ends the way it does; with him being swallowed by the water (and it’s why I had him responsible for his death again in the dream). I might need to change it more but I’m happy with what I did and think I made it different enough from the original to claim it as my own.
So yeah, those are the deaths, let me know what you think of them, whether they worked etc. And then go read Clean Room as it’s f*cking superb.
So lately I’ve been working mainly on the Nightmare script, so haven’t really done any shorts. So again, I’m dipping into the vault. This one was knocked up over a weekend a few years ago, I can’t really remember why, though. I assume I had a reason for it, but I can’t recall. I think it did kind of change the way I write though, it’s probably the first script I’ve done where the actions outweighed the dialogue. It’s also one where I went kind of cliche. The “twist” is obvious, plus it doesn’t really have an ending. It has a reveal, but that’s not the same thing. Anyway, here goes Three Kings. Enjoy
Note: if you’re unsure what this is about, visit here
So it’s been a while since I’ve updated this, been busy on other projects. I thought I’d offer a quick update as to how the story is going. I have an idea of where it’s going and should probably do an outline to establish it. I’ve been reading some of the Nightmare On Elm Street comics too, they’re mostly terrible but there are a few really disturbing parts in them. The trouble with doing a script like this is that theoretically anything is possible, and when you’ve got no limits then it can be boring to do standard things. Like I was going to have a scene where someone dies by having their face held against a hotplate until the skin melts. Very gruesome and could be horrific if done right, but it’s also possible, so would be best used for another film (could work in a Halloween film I think). I’m posting my progress now because after this is when the actual horror starts. I’ve put some creepy moments in there but all of it is setting up the rest of the film. So, here’s the opening:
I’m quite proud of what I’ve got here, but I know some of it will HAVE to change. I have to set up his PTSD nightmares more (I’ve got a great idea but at the moment it’s a bit too similar to a scene from Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark), so I’m going to need to think of a better way of doing it before putting it on paper. I need to set up the background characters more, specifically the ones in his class. This should be easily done, it’s a classroom so lots of chance for debate which I could use to showcase character traits. Overall I think I’ll have a better idea of how I want the beginning to go when I get to the end as I know what I’ll have to set up. I’m very wary of timing, I’ve seen A LOT of horror films which seem to take two-thirds of the script before the actual story starts. I hate when it happens and I don’t want to do it. At the moment it’s about 20 minutes, which I think gives me a good basis to start, especially since it is still relatively scare-heavy. I think if I keep that level of intensity up I could extend the beginning by about another ten minutes and keep the momentum going.
I wasn’t sure what to do for this one, so I went into my folder of script ideas and tried to find one I could do. I found one:
That was it, that was all I had. It was an idea discussed YEARS ago, just that one sentence and nothing else. We had that idea then quickly moved onto something else. So I did that, twice. The first one, I’ll admit the idea slightly ran away from me and I definitely went on too long. So I did a second one which was completely dialogue-free. I’m not sure which I prefer, or which one works better so I thought I’d show both.
So, would I make these? I think I would. They’d need heavily adjusting, I think the general concept needs to come through more in the long one, I feel like the “gimmick” is sort of in the background a bit too much. I focused too much on the story being told and not how I was telling it. Plus it’s tonally inconsistent at times, and some of the background characters need to be fleshed out more. On the plus side, I feel it’s more mature than I usually do, in the end, the guy doesn’t get the girl as he fucked up too badly. There are some things that “I’m sorry” just doesn’t fix, some things are hard to get past. The short one is a little trickier to fix, especially since it was mainly made just by cutting out everything from the longer one that I didn’t need, so there are probably things that don’t make sense in it.
I feel these ideas may be improved if I worked on it with people. This idea was made for discussing over drinks with someone, bouncing ideas off each other and come up with it there.
Still continuing with this. I haven’t posted anything for a while and there’s a good reason for that; this exercise is based on just writing as I go, making up the plot on the fly. I attempted to write a spy film, and let me tell you now, that’s a TERRIBLE way to write a film of that genre. Those films need to be INCREDIBLY tightly plotted, and making it up as you go means you end up backing yourself into many corners. You need to plan these things out in great detail otherwise they just don’t work. It’s a shame as I had a motivation I was quite proud of, and some good dialogue, but that wasn’t going to be enough. I realised as I approached what should be the end that I had no way to get from where I was at the moment to where I needed to be. Not just narratively, in terms of geography too. The “bad guy” sent the protagonist far away from him so he could do something, so they were a fair distance away from each other, and I needed them to be close to each other within a few hours, the rest of the story took place almost in real-time, so doing a time-jump that late in the script would have been jarring. So yeah I didn’t finish it, decided to scrap it. To make up for it I decided to publish this script I wrote a few years ago for a scriptwriting competition. I’m quite proud of it as it’s a fantasy script, and it’s not a genre I would usually write, but I think I did quite well, especially since it was done in about 48 hours. So, enjoy:
I had multiple issues with tone on this, going from too comedic to gross with no filter between them. Yeah, I had no idea what I was doing with this, I was mostly freestyling it to get to the moment of the neighbour not letting her in due to social distancing rules. But looking back at it that’s the section I’d cut. That entire section at that house doesn’t really add much, not once I got to the end. Now the end of this completely changed my enthusiasm for this. Before that, I thought “okay I’m not dealing with this script, but some of the deaths I could use in a slasher”, but as soon as I hit upon that final few pages (after she leaves the second house) I got excited. The idea of a film where a group of people (lets face it, it would be a group of guys) dress up as their favourite horror movie characters and go around killing people. There’s the traditional aspect could be fun, but crucially I could add in A LOT of detail about how we consume horror movies, about how horror focuses more on the killers than the victims, so it’s natural that people will end up idolizing them. Not only that but a lot of horror movie villains are shot like heroes, the angles are the same that were given to heroes in old Westerns. Suddenly I got very excited about this as an idea, and importantly; an idea I think I could write. In that context the tonal changes might not be as jarring as the villains will be movie-obsessed people, so will give me a lot of chances for comedic moments. Plus, just think of the number of references I could put in. The “Freddy” could mix and match costume aspects from the different iterations of the character.
In summary; I’m not that proud of this script as it is, it’s just a collection of scenes and spots more than a coherent narrative, but I can definitely change it into something very exciting if I put the effort in.