Tag: scream

Scream VI (2023) Review

On By troubledproductionsIn ReviewLeave a comment

Quick synopsis: People from Woodsboro get stabbed, this time in New York

I am a massive fan of the Scream franchise (despite only managing to catch one of them at the cinema), so a new one is always welcome. They don’t just work as slasher horrors, but also as murder mysteries, you watch them and look for clues to work out who the killers is, and why. The duel genre nature of the franchise is one I’ve always been a fan of, so I was looking forward to this. Scream movies have always started well, and have always been unexpected. The first one killed off Drew Barrymore, the third one killed off returning character Cotton Weary, the fourth was….well it was very weird, the fifth one started with the person who was attacked surviving, and this? This started with someone being brutally murdered, and the killer unmasking himself. It’s a shockingly different way to start the film off, and I love it. I’ll say this now, it’s genius. It subverts expectations twice, and both times it blew my mind and got me very excited.

The ending? Not so much. Scream 3 gets a lot of shit for the killer reveal, but it was still a lot better than this. In the third one, there was still some ambiguity about who the killer could be and what their motives were, we were presented with numerous possibilities, but enough clues so that we could possibly figure it out (but maybe not the “why”). Scream VI does the opposite, it’s blindingly obvious who the killers are. When you have a character say they “had” a son, and also have them talk about swearing revenge on those who hurt his family, it’s not difficult to figure out that they’re the killer, and the motive. Related to this, if a character in a slasher movie dies off-screen and you don’t see the body properly, they didn’t die. This is incredibly obvious to everybody who has seen a movie before. It’s an incredibly disappointing reveal, even more so because it starts wonderfully.

The rest of Scream VI is fun to watch, well, as fun as watching people get brutally murdered can be. The kills are disgustingly brutal, it gets really specific with where the knife goes. Someone being stabbed directly in the throat will always be a manner of murder that stands out more than just stabs in the back or chest. That being said, there is a scene where someone gets stabbed in the chest repeatedly and the sheer violence of it is shocking, so there is a way to do something as simple as that in a way that makes it stand out.

Usually, “[killer name] in Big City” is a sign a horror franchise has gone off the rails, second only to “in space” as a sign that the movie is going to be shit. I actually like the way they use the location here. New York is loud, so it is conceivable that somebody can be stabbed in an alleyway and nobody will notice. I will respect this for not doing the obvious scenes in Times Square etc. It is in New York, but it’s not a tour of the landmarks. Instead, it is a way to introduce different horror set pieces, the scene on the subway system is incredible, although it was ruined in the previews (as was the scene in the bodega). There are moments where it does get a bit too “You mess with one of us, you mess with all of us!” Spider-Man-like.

The big story leading up to the release was the absence of Neve Campbell, who refused to make an appearance due to Paramount deciding not to pay her enough because they’re bastards. I have to be honest though, I’m not sure what she would have done in this. There’s not really a Sidney Prescott-shaped hole in this story. If there’s a sequel then there will have to be a discussion about bringing her back, but the story they’re telling here? She would have seemed superfluous. They do explain her absence, and it’s a way that makes sense. Without Neve, Scream VI focuses more on the characters introduced in last year’s Scream. The only legacy character to return is Gale Weathers, but Courtney Cox only appears in roughly 4 scenes. Her character seems to have reverted to her Scream 1 persona, in a character development that doesn’t make much sense. Her scenes do feature a nice reference to how she and Ghostface have never really spoken much, but aside from that, Gale’s scenes seem a bit superfluous.

Not quite established enough to be a legacy character, but also returning from this is Hayden Panettiere’s Kirby Reed, who was last seen (and introduced) in Scream 4,or to give it proper (a.k.a, stupid) title: Scre4m (pronounced Screfourm, obviously). It is nice to see her back, not just in this franchise, but in Hollywood in general, with this being Hayden’s first film appearance since Custody in 2016. Kirby’s character arc is a great examination of how characters react to events like this, although I would like to see her explored more in the future.

The rest of the cast is great too, Melissa Barrera keeps her upward trajectory, but I feel this does slightly stall the momentum Jenna Ortega is on from Wednesday. Not due to the quality of the script, but there are moments near the start where her performance seems a little bit weak. Not “OMG this is terrible” level, but it feels like she’s operating at a slightly lower level than everybody else. In a film full of Lennon and McCartney, she’s a George Harrison; still very good, but overshadowed.

So in summary; go see this. It’s very good, although you may get a headache from how many times the “How did they survive that?” alarm in your head goes off.

2022 Film Awards Day Two: The Technical

On By troubledproductionsIn AwardsLeave a comment

Best Looking

I tried to go for different types of visuals here, so everything here has a different reason for me liking the visuals. On the downside this means that some did miss out, purely because what they did very well, others did better.

Avatar: The Way Of Water

Obviously, this was going to be here. The film itself is dull, but it’s a visual masterpiece. The worlds feel lived in, with environments and buildings showing suitable wear and tear.

Encanto

The level of detail on the clothes is amazing. You can almost feel the fabric. There’s a great visual flow to everything too. The house etc looks lived in due to the little visual details.

Fall

Mainly because it did a great job of making you feel like you were high up. This was probably the most nauseating film I saw all year, and that’s entirely due to how effective the visuals were.

Licorice Pizza

I hated this film, but I loved the way it looked. It looked like it was being watched on an old cathode TV.

Orphan: First Kill

It’s a prequel, filmed 13 years on from the original, but you never think that the actress is 13 years older than she was originally. All practical as well.

The Batman

Very rarely has Gotham looked quite as grimy as it does here.

Winner

We’re All Going To The Worlds Fair

Without the visuals, this would be poor. It would be too incomprehensible. With it, it’s hauntingly beautiful. Some films have looked better, but few films have enhanced the quality of a film as much as was done here. It’s like being trapped in a lava lamp.

Best Music

Belle

I watched this film once, haven’t watched anything on youtube about it since, and I don’t own the soundtrack. I can still hear some of the songs in my head sometimes.

Bullet Train

It had a Japanese cover of Holding Out For A Hero playing out during action scenes, what else do you want?

Licorice Pizza

A good mix of classic music that suits the tone perfectly. Yes, I am aware it’s weird to nominate a film for two positive awards if I hated it. Deal with it.

Men

So very creepy. Incredibly effective at making you feel wary of what would otherwise be beautiful countryside.

The Justice Of Bunny King

Mainly for the cover of What’s Up that plays over the end.

We’re All Going To The Worlds Fair

I mean, I purchased the soundtrack. The only movie soundtrack I purchased all year in fact. So it’s kind of here by default.

Winner

Encanto

“The Family Madrigal” earned this film a nomination, “Surface Pressure” won this for it. A legit heartbreaking song.

Best Character

Bee – Bodies Bodies Bodies

She’s one of the few likeable characters. She’s just so damn kind that you see her in this world and really feel for how the dickweeds are treating her. She goes through so much through the course of this film that your heart just breaks for her.

Jupe – Nope

A character is in such strong denial about his trauma. Only being able to talk about it through the medium of an SNL sketch, and then repeating the exact same damn mistakes. It’s stupid, and it’s baffling, but it’s so human.

Luisa – Encanto.

Had a lot of options for this and really there are many that could be chosen, in the end I went with her because it’s specifically her song where the whole tone changes and the film becomes something different.

Mina – Ballad Of A White Cow

She is so beaten down by her situation, and you can’t really blame her for feeling like she does. It’s made worse by the fact that this happens all the time to women in certain parts of the world. They’re powerless to stop it, and others are powerless to help. There’s a scene near the end which demonstrates this. I talked about it in the original review and I’ll post it again here:

Sadly, this act of kindness ends up getting her evicted (for having an unrelated male in the house), but she never mentions it to him. She hides it from him out of kindness for him. Because she doesn’t want him to feel guilty.

The Riddler – The Batman

Takes a character who is usually seen as a joke by the film-going audience, and makes him a highly disturbing serial killer.

The Wolf – Bullet Train

He gets a whole sequence fleshing out his backstory, giving him a compelling arc which you know he’s going to use as the basis to redeem himself later in the film. Instead, he dies, very quickly. And it’s brilliant.

Winner

Benoit Blanc – Glass Onion

I think he’s now up there with the greatest characters in modern cinema. Everything about him is notable. The fact that “Benoit describing other films” is now a meme, displays just how well-written and defined this character is.

Worst Character

Cyclone – Black Adam

Mainly because it did a terrible job of explaining her powers.

Spider – Avatar: The Way Of Water

His characterisation is all over the place. He was raised with the Na’vi and dislikes humans. He gets kidnapped by humans and then starts liking them, even though many of his friends have been killed by them. He then watches the humans attempt genocide, and decides that’s too much, he has to leave them. But not before saving the villains life, making sure he can come back in the sequel.

Billy Lomas – Scream

Hallucinations always feel like a cheap way of bringing dead characters back, and that’s definitely the case here. It’s nice to see the actor again, and it does make some narrative sense, but it kind of feels like they came up with the concept of him coming back first, and then wrote a reason for it.

Will – Ambulance

Only because it’s yet another “No, I don’t kill” character who then DEFINITELY kills nameless characters by causing accidents and vehicular destruction. He’s written too much like a cliché, which renders him really uninteresting to watch.

Alana/Gary – Licorice Pizza

When the two characters were apart, they were smart, funny, likeable, and I wanted to see more of them. When they were together they were selfish, manipulative, and nonsensical. It drove them to be the worst versions of themselves. Which for a film about a relationship is a bad thing.

Winner

Corey Cunningham – Halloween Ends

His entire arc lessens not just this film, but the entire modern trilogy. They really dropped the ball with this entry, and part of that is because of the sudden focus on Corey. I refuse to believe this was the plan all along, if it was, it should have been threaded through the previous two films.

Best Performer

Janelle Monae – Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery

A strong cast throughout, but Monae inches ahead because of her (spoiler) duel roles. It’s difficult as not only does she have to play both, but also has to play one who is pretending to be the other. It’s a really tricky performance, but she manages it, and provides the glue that holds the film together.

Ayden Mayeri – Confess, Fletch

She’s surrounded by veterans of the comedy game in Roy Wood Jr, Jon Hamm, Annie Mumolo, and John Slatterly. Meanwhile, she is still yet to have a Wikipedia page. That’s a damn shame, as in a film of comedy giants, she stands out. Her line delivery provides some of the biggest vegan laughs (that’s laughs that contain no Hamm). I want to see her in more stuff, especially leading a sitcom. She’s got the skills, and now she has the credibility.

Grace Carolyn Currey – Fall

The film is anchored around her performance, if she fails, she drags the film down and it sinks. I kind of regret saying “anchored” now, feels like it clashes with the metaphor, but the point still stands.

Anastasia Budiashkina – Olga

If this was “best film debut performance by a sports star” then Anastasia would definitely……be in the top two for this year (spoilers). Even without her complete inexperience, this would be an astounding performance. But when you consider that this is her only acting performance, it’s almost impossible to believe.

Kali Reis – Catch The Fair One

The other sports star performance of the year, this time from a boxer. She has an advantage over Budiashkina in that she has acted before, in an episode of True Detective. Normally, that wouldn’t be enough experience for a director to base a film around. She brings an energy to this film that is unmatched. I also love the fact that she seems like a genuinely good person, albeit one that punches women in the face for a living.

Austin Butler – Elvis

Everyone is familiar with Elvis Presley. They know his voice, they know his look, and they know his mannerisms. So if a performer is lacking in certain aspects, not only will it be noticed, but the person will be ripped apart by a truly passionate fanbase. If you even get a syllable wrong, you’ll be crucified. It’s a LOT of pressure, and it could destroy a young actor. I know Elvis fans, and ones who dislike a lot of things, they liked his performance. I did too, there’s a moment near the end where it shows footage of the real Elvis and it suddenly hit me “oh yeah, I was watching an actor”.

Winner

Stephanie Hsu – Everything Everywhere All At Once

I tried to limit it to one performer from each film, and this was the hardest one to pick. Everybody in this is at the top of their game. There’s not a single moment where the performances could be improved. In a way, this film is for all three of the leads, but Hsu deserves highlighting because of the sheer amount of differences she has to give her variations. Michelle Yeoh does too, but a lot of her hardest work is in the physical fight scenes, and the differences aren’t quite as varied as the ones Hsu is given to do. Very few performers can be both an omnicidal maniac, and a broken and scared teen who just wants her mother to recognise she’s in pain, even fewer manage both of those in the same film.

2022 Film Awards Part 1: The Moments

On By troubledproductionsIn AwardsLeave a comment

Going to try something a bit different this year, rather than place every award in one post, I’m going to split it over three, mainly to avoid repetition, and to keep it to a readable length. In this one I’ll be focused more on moments, focusing more on how films started, ended, and the moments in between.

Worst Closing

Fall

It feels like they cut a few scenes off. It goes from “here’s my plan” to “I succeeded” way too quickly. It’s a shame as there could have been a lot more tension in those scenes.

Moonfall

Really unsubtle sequel bait. The premise of the film itself is stupid, but whilst watching it I thought that was a deliberate “yes this is dumb, but it’s fun” stylistic choice. Then the way the story concluded made go all Benoit Blanc “no! It’s just dumb”.

The Batman

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVED this film, and it is long, but the ending is the only part where it feels long. We got the point being made, they didn’t need to repeat it again and again.

Doctor Strange In The Multiverse Of Madness

Just a simply terrible ending. A great film leaves you feeling things, this just leaves you thinking “wait, what?”. It’s basically a “guys, there’s trouble at the old mill” shrugs shoulders “here we go again” ending that was popular in 70’s tv shows.

Winner: 

Morbius

Vulture ends up here from the MCU. One of those endings which just gets dumber the more you think about it. It is technically a post-credits scene, but considering they put it in the marketing, I’m counting it. A shitty ending to a shitty movie. 

Best Closing

Belfast

A very sweet textual tribute. I’m normally not a fan of text ending a film, but it works brilliantly here.

Halloween Ends

The destruction of Michael Myers. The PERFECT way to end this franchise. If you ignore, you know, the whole middle section of the film.

Nightmare Alley

The main character submits to a life of being a geek. It’s horrifying, and so bleak. But perfect.

The Justice Of Bunny King

A phone call with her kids. She knew she has screwed up, and she knows she’s made it a lot worse. The kids don’t seem phased though. Which makes it worse. They’re too young. Their innocence comes off as apathy and you can tell she’s doomed. Then the police shoot her. It’s really the only way it could end. It’s emotionally devastating but narratively satisfying. It also says a lot about her character that when she’s being loaded into the back of the ambulance she points out the windows are disgusting

Winner

Bodies, Bodies Bodies

The reveal changes everything about this. Closes what you thought were plot holes, and puts a whole new spin on the film on the characters. The build-up to it is great too, when you can sense it is about to happen.

Best Moment

Belle – Everyone Sings

When the world starts singing, it’s one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen a sign saying “free cheese”.

Bodies Bodies Bodies – The First Death

Ties everything together perfectly, and is timed brilliantly. When I saw it I could sense when different people got it. The laughter of recognition made its way through the audience and it was a wonderful experience to be part of.

Bullet Train – The Wolf

Really there are a lot of options here, almost all of the fight scenes are worthy. But I have to go with the introduction of The Wolf. His entire sequence is a masterclass in how to set up a character’s motivations, and it’s stylish as hell. It gives what could be a small character SO much detail.

Catch The Fair One – The Kidnapping

It’s so naturally done. There’s no dramatic music leading up to it. It’s unexpected and shocking. There are a lot of choices in this though; the missing person group was also up there for being chosen

Doctor Strange In The Multiverse Of Madness – Illuminati

Gloriously vicious and violent. Plus it really shows how dangerous a character she is.

Fall – Ladder Break

A moment of incredible tension that truly shook up the audience in the screen I was in.

Nope – SNL

The fact that Jupe can only relive the trauma through an SNL skit says so much about him. That level of denial explains so much about his character, and why he does what he does. It’s one of those scenes which only gets better the more you think about the implications of it.

The Batman – Flood Saving

When he goes to save a group of people, they flinch away from him. Genius. It shows how his use of fear to keep order needs to be balanced with providing hope.

Thor: Love and Thunder – Relationship Montage

The Thor/Jane Foster romance is one that hasn’t really been well received in the MCU, with the whole thing feeling a bit flatand unnecessary. This saved it. It made the relationship feel real, and it meant you actually felt the heartache that Thor was going through.

You Are Not My Mother – Dance Scene

It has a really intense energy. I don’t see how they could have done that scene any better, the most perfect way. Also a great piece of dynamic storytelling and character-building.

Winner

Everything Everywhere All At Once – Googly Eyes On A Rock

Again, a lot of options. So many of the fight scenes are incredible. But I have to go with something simpler, a scene of a silent conversation between two rocks. Even remembering it brings me to tears.

Worst Moment

Scream – Billy

The hallucinations of him are something that hasn’t really been a theme in the Scream series (outside of a brief few moments in the third one), so it just doesn’t feel like a tonal fit.

Clerks 3 – Ending Credits

Kevin Smith narrates over the credits, explaining what happened to the characters afterwards. Feels incredibly lazy and last minute.

Elvis – MLK death

Trying to tie the assassination of MLK into Elvis’s career feels really cheap and unnatural.

The Lost King – Ghost Clue

They changed a lot about the character, but I don’t think it’s particularly a big secret that in real life, the character had more to go on than “a ghost told me where he was buried”.

The Phantom Of The Open – Dream Sequence

Completely unnecessary and a bit stupid. Almost embarrassing to watch.

Firestarter – “It’s different for us”

Has THE worst piece of editing I’ve seen this year. Or a bad performance. The line is delivered as if it’s half of a sentence. She doesn’t get interrupted, she doesn’t slow down or lose her bearings, the camera just cuts away and there’s no sound of her talking anymore. It sounds like she’s been cut off by silence. It takes a lot for a scene of a simple conversation to be nominated for this, the scene is so bad that it managed it.

Morbius – Falling Fight Scene

It’s an incomprehensible mess. A basic necessity of a fight scene is you should be able to tell what’s going on. This is just a blob of grey falling down from a great height.

Winner

Avatar: The Way Of Water – The Entire Third Act

Not needed. When I saw it at the cinema the start of the final action scene caused a noticeable reaction, and not a good one. It was like the air had been sucked out of the room. If it was a live gig people would have thrown bottles of piss. 

Best Opening

Nope

It automatically gets the audience asking questions, and kind of horrifies them too. It also sets up the reveal beautifully. There are some flaws in how this film approaches mystery and questions, but the set up is incredible.

The Batman

Instantly sets up this universe as being something different from what we’ve seen before. It feels like every time we get a new Batman movie it’s advertised as “this is dark and gritty”, but this is the first time it feels truly earned. It’s genuinely disturbing and sets up the tone better than any other opening could have.

Black Panther: Wakanda Forever

Mainly because it automatically answered the question everybody was going to ask, and did it in a respectful and dignified way.

Umma

The sound of knocking and someone asking their mother to open a door. The daughter apologises, the mother rejects her apologies and we hear electric noises and screaming. Good start, suitably creepy.

You Are Not My Mother

A baby in a pram in the middle of the street in darkness. Such a simple but effective way to open the film. The baby is then taken to the woods by its grandmother, who lights a ring of fire around her. Instantly gets you asking questions.

Broadcast Signal Intrusion

James is transferring tapes over at work, then goes home. Really well done actually. They don’t go with traditional horror music, they go with jazz, which gives it a strange ethereal quality. Some really creative shots too. It then goes into slightly more horror dream fare but the transition between reality and horror is handled well.

Winner

Halloween Ends

Corey is babysitting a kid and accidentally kills him. Apparently, this is frowned upon in babysitting circles. It was an accident (and kind of the kid’s fault), but the town still blames him. The film never gets close to this level of small-town paranoia and fear again.

2022 In Film: Day Nine (The Almost Amazing)

On By troubledproductionsIn Year round upLeave a comment

These are films which are incredible, they’re just not among the best I’ve ever seen. There’s some great stuff in this section, most years, these would be among the best, but 2022 was actually an INCREDIBLE year for cinema, as will be proven in the next entry.

Bodies Bodies Bodies

Ups: Very funny.

Some great deaths.

So damn clever at the end.

Downs: You might get frustrated before it gets to the end.

Characters are a bit unsympathetic.

Pete Davidson could tone it down a bit.

Best Moment: The ending, easily.

Worst Moment: The sub-plot about the texts. Could have been done better.

Best Performer: Maria Bakalova

Opening: Bee and Sophie are travelling to a hurricane party. The fact they’re travelling to a hurricane party says everything you need to know about those characters. Perfect.

Closing: I don’t want to spoil it, but trust me, it’s good. It changes the entire film and is everything an ending should be.

Best Line: “I’m not escalating you’re holding the knife and you’re moving your hands while you talk.”

Original Review here

Boiling Point

Ups: The fact it was made. A technical masterpiece.

Downs: It’s supposed to be a very busy night, but never really feels like it. Feels very low-stakes.

Best Moment: Chef Carly bringing one of the front of house staff to tears just through words alone. It’s a long-ass speech and it’s delivered perfectly.

Worst Moment: The ending. Seems a bit too reminiscent of the original ending of Clerks, like they didn’t know how to end it.

Best Performer: Graham. Easily.

Opening: The main character walking to work whilst on the phone, and then meets an environmental health officer. Does a great job of setting up him and the situation. Then the health officer starts criticising people, “I know that’s regulation temperature, but ideally I want it lower”, so he essentially marks them down for following the rules. Sets up the conflict.

Closing: He cries on the phone to his estranged wife, getting her to tell their son that he loves him. He then promises to get into rehab. He then keels over, possibly dying as we fade to black. That’s…….brutal.

Best Line: The aforementioned speech. It’s cutting, and perfect. Can’t type the whole thing here.

Original Review here

Chip N Dale: Rescue Rangers

Ups: Very funny

Very meta

The animation differences actually work.

Lots of cameos.

REALLY dark.

Downs: A bit predictable

Some of the characters from the original series are sidelined.

If you’re a child, are you going to understand all the references and cameos?

Best Moment: When one of the characters uses a Rescue Rangers episode to indicate they’re in trouble. The code is not picked up, but another one with the same message is. Very funny.

Worst Moment: The cheesemonger moment feels a bit of a waste of the performers talent.

Best Performer: Samberg. His child-like enthusiasm is perfect for this.

Opening: Voiceover, showing how the two met. Cliche, but works, also adds some great jokes in there “you’re not Donald Duck, you have to wear pants”

Closing: They decide to release a reboot of the Rescue Rangers TV show. Works. Suits the style of the film.

Best Line: “What’s the first thing that pops into your head when I say Chip N Dale? I’m willing to bet it’s Thomas Chippendale, the london cabinet maker. I bet the second thing is these guys *shows the chippendale dancers*“

Original Review here

Confess, Fletch

Ups: So damn funny.

A compelling mystery.

Great ensemble cast.

Downs: Other mysteries have been better.

Terribly marketed.

Could be smarter.

Best Moment: The scene with the neighbour, chaotic comedy.

Worst Moment: Some of the police scenes undermine their characters a little bit.

Best Performer: Ayden Mayeri. Tempted to go with Hamm, but he has enough recognition, Mayeri doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page. So just mentioning her now so that when she inevitably becomes a huge sitcom star, I can point out I was a fan of her first.

Opening: The lead is sent by his girlfriend to recover stolen paintings. Might have set up the character more if we caught him at the end of a previous job so we get more of an indication of how good he is. But I respect how quickly it leaps into the main story.

Closing: The redistribution of the stolen paintings. In a lot of films, I would criticise this as being too “look, this character is likeable”, but in this, it kind of makes sense with the way the character is written.

Best Line: “We obtained surveillance footage from a store around the corner.”

“Where the fudge is made?”

Original Review here

Fall

Ups: Effective, to the point it almost made me nauseous watching it.

Likeable characters.

Simple story, done in the best possible way.

Downs: “so it’s just them on a small platform?” If you can’t get past that, you’re not going to like this.

Visuals in the opening are a bit weak.

Might not be able to stomach it more than once.

Best Moment: When the ladder breaks. You know it’s not real, and you know the characters won’t die that early. But you can’t get past the “holy shit, that should not happen” part of your brain. Plus, when it happened in the screening I was at, a guy immediately shook his head, stood up, and loudly exclaimed “nope, fuck that”

Worst Moment: The ending.

Best Performer: Grace Caroline Currey. The film is anchored around her performance, if she fails, she drags the film down and it sinks. Kind of regret saying “anchored” now, feels like it clashes with the metaphor.

Opening: Becky, Hunter, and Dan (Becky’s husband) climb a mountain. Dan makes a quick dismount, by which I mean he falls and dies. The weakest visuals in the whole thing, the backgrounds look incredibly fake.

Closing: Obvious ending. But it happens way too quickly and feels like they cut a 5 minute scene out filling in some things.

Best Line: “If you’re scared of dying, don’t be afraid to live”

Original Review here

Orphan: First Kill

Ups: Actually adds to the mythos.

Great use of practical effects.

Incredible plot that rewards rewatching

Downs: A bit too many “this is a reference to the original” moments.

Best Moment: The reveal. Trust me, it’s glorious.

Worst Moment: “Esther” finding a missing child who looks like her, is like a needle in a haystack. May have worked better if she saw news about the missing child, then decided to make most of the opportunity.

Best Performer: Julia Stiles.

Opening: Leena/Esther escapes an institution by seducing and killing a guard. It’s weird the guy was sexually aroused by someone with a disease that makes them look like a child, right? Very slasher movie, and works well.

Closing: The original film starts. Good to see.

Best Line: What was I supposed to do… put my surviving child in prison over some sibling rivalry shit?

Original Review here

Scream

Ups: Very clever.

Tackles the darker side of fandom.

Good kills.

Has the best use of Red Right Hand in the franchise so far.

Likeable characters

Downs: Wastes some good potential killers.

The twist could have been foreshadowed slightly better.

Best Moment: Dewey’s death. Truly shocking.

Worst Moment: The hallucinations of Billy are an acquired taste that doesn’t fully work.

Best Performer: David Arquette.

Opening: It’s a Scream movie, you know how it’s going to start: ghostface stabs someone. Major difference in this is they survive. It’s a good way of saying “yes we know the conventions, but we’re going to swerve away from them”

Closing: Gale decides to not write about the killers, leaving them anonymous. Good ending, but might have worked out better for the fourth.

Best Line: “See, you can’t just reboot a franchise from scratch anymore. The fans won’t stand for it. Black Christmas, Child’s Play, Flatliners, that shit doesn’t work. But you can’t just do a straight sequel, either. You need to build something new. But not too new or the Internet goes bug-fucking-nuts. It has to be part of an ongoing storyline, even if that story should never have been going on in the first place. New main characters, yes, but supported by, and related to, legacy characters. Not quite a reboot, not quite a sequel, like the new Halloween, Saw, Terminator, Jurassic Park, Ghostbusters, fuck, even Star Wars. It always, always goes back to the original!”

Original Review here

See How They Run

Ups: Compelling mystery

Saoirse Ronan is a ball of energy.

I like that I know there are many Agatha Christie references I missed out on.

A classic throwback to a genre.

Once you realise where the ending is going you’ll laugh your ass off.

Downs: Loses momentum going into the third act.

Some wasted time.

One of the misdirect attempts really doesn’t work.

Best Moment: The murder reveal is executed (pardon the pun) perfectly.

Worst Moment: The dream sequence.

Best Performer: Saoirse Ronan

Opening: Pan down from the theatre down to the eventual murder victim as he monologues.

Closing: Two characters sit down to watch The Mousetrap. Weirdly nice and quaint. Plus it allows the film to end in a thematically suitable way.

Best Line: “What’s next? A caption that says Three Weeks Later” *caption saying Three Weeks Later appears on screen*

Original Review here

The Banshees Of Inisherin

Ups: Darkly hilarious.

A lot of beauty in the shots.

Tremendous attention to detail for the sets and costumes.

Incredible performances.

Downs: Relentlessly bleak, which stops the emotional moments from hitting quite as hard as they should.

Repeats narrative beats.

Best Moment: When Colm actually cuts his fingers off, brutal.

Worst Moment: Dominic dying, only because it’s handled very quickly.

Best Performer: Colin Farrell. Could easily be Gleeson though.

Opening: Pádraic goes to see his friend Colm, who ignores him. That’s it. That’s also the opening 30 minutes or so. It works though.

Closing: The former friends aren’t so much at loggerheads anymore, but definitely won’t can’t be friends again. It’s good as it shows you although this is the end of the film, it’s not the end of the story.

Best Line: “Look at this I found. A stick with a hook. What would you use it for, I wonder. To hook things that are the length of a stick away”

Original Review here

Turning Red

Ups: Likeable characters.

Has something to say, you can tell this is a writers dream project and is deeply personal to them.

Downs: The animation isn’t as good as Pixar usually is.

The characters are slightly obnoxious at times, but then again, they are teenagers so….

Best Moment:

Worst Moment: The furore about “sexualising children” that surrounded the release of this.

Best Performer: Maitreyi Ramakrishnan, brilliantly deadpan.

Opening: Mei doing the usual “so this is me” opening. Instantly sets out who she is, and her relationship with her family. She’s incredibly likeable and her personality shines through.

Closing: The family relationship is fixed, and the red panda is now a tourist attraction at the temple. Kind of obvious was going to end that way, but allows some sweet moments.

Best Line: Honoring Your Parents Sounds Great, But If You Take It Too Far, Well, You Might Forget To Honor Yourself.

Original Review here

Scream (2022)

On By troubledproductionsIn ReviewLeave a comment

Quick synopsis: Twenty-five years after a streak of brutal murders shocked the quiet town of Woodsboro, Calif., a new killer dons the Ghostface mask and begins targeting a group of teenagers to resurrect secrets from the town’s deadly past. Brought to you by the directors of Ready Or Not.

So far, this is my favourite film of the year. Belfast was technically better and is definitely more important, but this is the one I’m more tempted to see again soon. Fun fact, this is actually the first Scream movie I’ve seen at the cinema. I thoroughly enjoyed it and look forward to watching it again with the knowledge of who the killers are. This is a film that’s REALLY going to benefit from repeat viewing. This franchise is a horror, but at its heart, it’s also a detective franchise. The audience looks at clues and tries to figure out who the killer is. It’s Poirot with pointier sticks. There are a few moments where the reveal doesn’t line up with what we’ve seen in terms of the strength and body mass of the killer. But it mostly works, it even sets up enough red herrings to catch you out. It mentions Billy Lomis from the first film quite a lot, treating him like the main killer, I felt certain that was to set up that Stu Macher would either return, or otherwise be involved in the reveal, with the motive being annoyance that he was forgotten and everybody focuses on Billy instead. Spoilers, that doesn’t turn out to be the case, but if I write a script based on it, that’s what I’m going to be aiming for, so spoilers for that.

By this point, the filmmakers know what the audience expects, and it plays with that. The opening scene has the usual violence and stalking that this franchise is known for, but the person survives. It’s clear that the directors, Matt Bettineli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett, know the genre, and the franchise. There’s a shower scene where every few seconds it plays out like a jump scare is going to happen. The camera angles etc in scenes where someone opens a cupboard door mean that you expect something behind it, even if it is just a harmless character and the scare is fake. Instead……..there’s nothing. It repeats this trick more than once, and I love it.

One thing this film does which most horror films fail to do, is make the characters likeable. So often writers decide that everyone wants to cheer the deaths, and the best way to do that is to make the characters so annoying that when they get killed brutally, we’re happy, it’s cathartic to see them killed. But that means we have no emotional connection, and we’re spending most of the film stuck with characters we can’t stand. In this, even though the characters are snarky, sarcastic, and make stupid decisions at times, they’re all likeable. So when they die we’re actually sad. You’re not going to cheer the deaths in this unless you’re a sociopath, which a lot of horror film fans are.

Well, maybe not sociopaths, but a lot of film fandoms are quite toxic and hateful, incredibly resistant to any chance, or any role being played by a woman or someone non-white. This film takes aim at that and does so in a way that’s as sharp as the knives Ghostface uses. This will undoubtedly annoy certain people, but I don’t want those kinds of people to like the same films as me anyway, so fuck ’em. The killers reveal is both stupid and genius, and again, I’m sure will annoy a lot of people but I loved it. But I loved this whole film, it does so much so well. The performances are great, it’s very funny, and has a great selection of music on the soundtrack. On that note, this has the BEST use of Red Right Hand in the franchise, not the whole song, but the metallic sound effect the song uses.

So if you like the franchise, go see this. The kills are brutally simplistic (at one point he just stamps on someone’s ankle), the script is smart, and it looks beautiful. A lot of franchises have done “re-quels”, few have done it as masterfully and as true to the spirit of the original as this.

2010’s In Film: Part One (2010+2011)

On By troubledproductionsIn Year round upLeave a comment

So we’ve reached the end of the year, and the end of the decade. Well, this is weird, isn’t it? There are people who voted in the last election who weren’t alive when 9/11 happened. That’s weird. Time is strange. So to cope with the inevitable passing of time, I’m going to make you all feel really f*cking old and briefly talk about one film from every month for every year of the past decade. Some of these films I haven’t seen, particularly before about 2015 when I started to go to the cinema more. We’re going to start at the beginning, because we’re not Memento.

January – Tooth Fairy

God damn you 2010. This is why this blog is hard, January 2010 was, well it was not good. Here’s a list of films released that month that I’ve heard of: The Book Of Eli, Bitch Slap, Tooth Fairy, Youth In Revolt, Leap Year. That’s it, it does feature two films that share a name with bigger things though: Girl On The Train, Stranger Things. That was a terrible start to the decade and I really hope the year gets better. I chose Tooth Fairy because it’s weird to look back on a film before a time where The Rock was legit the biggest action star on the planet. To be honest I’m not even sure how that even happened. I personally can’t pinpoint the film which launched him into superstardom, I’m guessing Fast And Furious because of the mainstream appeal those movies have. Nonetheless, this is a strange film to watch, is kind of cute and funny. Not something that will stick with you, but a film you’d probably watch if it was on and you were bored. Also, it has Julie Andrews on it, which is always nice.

February – Ponyo

Originally released in 2008 in Japan, this film FINALLY saw a UK release in 2010. I love this film. It’s one of the most adorable films you will ever see in your life. It is just so cute, the cinematic equivalent of a lovely hug. Ghibli can do incredibly mature and depressing films (Grave Of The Fireflies being a notable example), this isn’t one of them. Yes it has mature moments, but it is overall a kids film, and has all the positive things that that entails. It reminds me of the live-action version of The BFG (which sadly almost nobody has seen, but they REALLY should).

March – Alice In Wonderland

Damn this movie to Hades. This film made Disney realise that they can just do live-action remakes/re-imaginings instead of coming up with new versions. I hate this trend and refuse to watch them. I watched the live-action Jungle Book they made a few years ago and disliked it because it didn’t stand on it’s own merits; it made so many references to the animated film that you couldn’t watch it as a stand-alone movie as some of it wouldn’t make sense, but they’re not going to be better than the originals, and they’re also not going to be different enough to justify their existence. So really, what is the point of them? So yeah, damn this movie.

April – Iron Man 2

You can read my thoughts about this movie here, this is only here to make you realise how old this franchise now is. How the cinema landscape has changed and yet this franchise is still going strong. I remember people really liking this film when it first came out, yet now everyone hates it. It’s the opposite of Iron Man 3 (which I have always loved btw).

May – Four Lions

This month is the opposite of January. In this you had this film, Hot Tub Time Machine, A Nightmare On Elm Street (shut up, I like it). All films I love, albeit two of them as guilty pleasures. This is probably my favourite though. It’s one of my favourite films of all time, and is still depressingly relevant today. Really you do HAVE to see this film, it’s funny and horrifying and then back to funny again, and then back to horrifying as you realise how true most of it is.

June – MacGruber

I weirdly like this film despite knowing nothing of the character (SNL isn’t really a “thing” in England. Like A Christmas Story, Kiss, or deep-fried butter, it’s huge in the US, ignored over here). This is not the greatest film in the world, but it is a fantastic way to kill some time, and I wish I saw this at the cinema when I had the chance, or that I had watched it with people. I imagine this is great when high, not that I would know of course.

July – Toy Story 3

It was either this or Inception. I went with this instead because this film made me cry. There’s not much I can say about this that hasn’t already been said. It’s the perfect closer to a great trilogy. It’s so good I didn’t want a fourth one to exist, although when it came out I was very glad it did. Pixar are magical.

August – The Human Centipede

Yet again, a film I haven’t seen. So why am I talking about this? Look, I know I’m incredibly immature at times, but this film made me realise that I do have some sense of maturity. It made me realise I had outgrown the “watching shocking things for shocking things sake” stage. It made me realise that I didn’t want to waste my time with ugly art.

September – The Town

Damn I love Affleck. And this film is just more proof of why. I really wish he was given a MAJOR film, he deserves it as both a director and a screenwriter.

October – Despicable Me

Yup, those little yellow bastards have been with us for an entire decade. Now used almost exclusively by middle aged women on facebook to admit they’re massive alcoholics but it’s okay because it’s gin/wine, which is socially acceptable for some reason. “It’s always Gin O’Clock” is something you can proudly put on facebook, yet “I’m going to down a bottle of vodka on my lunch break” isn’t.

November – Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows Part 1

Another cinema-ruining movie. A film which made studios realise that they no longer have to make self-contained films, they can just split them into two double their money. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it really doesn’t (Twilight, The Hobbit). Here’s the thing though; I can’t remember how this film ends. I know the plot of both of them, but I can’t remember what happened in each separate film. Compare this to Infinity War/Endgame where I know what happened exactly in each part (or even the IT films). These films do seem like one film that was just cut into two, rather than made as two. I didn’t watch any of the films before the last one came out, and this is partly why; I don’t want to wait a year to see the end of a film I just paid to watch.

December – Little Fockers

Depressing point; kids today might recognise DeNiro mainly from comedy films rather than what he’s best at. That seems wrong. I kind of enjoyed the first two films, but I had no desire to see the same jokes repeated again, and the fact that NOBODY speaks about this film says a lot about it.

Now onto 2011. It doesn’t get much better

January – It’s Kind Of A Funny Story

This is here just to remind me that I really need to read this book, it’s been recommended to me by quite a few people so I should get round to it at some point.

February – Big Momma’s: Like Father Like Son

Ah, remember when this series was a thing? Quick question, did anybody actually ever like these films? You never hear anybody say anything about them, they’ve made almost zero impact on pop culture, yet somehow it still warranted sequels. Tax dodge?

March – Submarine

Oh, so I guess 2011 was just “films I should have seen but didn’t but will get around to one day”? Stop making me feel bad! And I know “why don’t you just pick another film for this month?” Because almost nothing was released this month.

April – Scre4m

Terrible title aside, I do genuinely like this film and I think it features both the best opening, and best villain motivations, of the series. The scene where the killer is injuring herself are brilliantly psychotic and looked like a lot of fun to film.

May – The Hangover: Part Two

I have a weird relationship with this film series. It boils down to me not respecting the people in it that much, and that’s down to this film. Australian racist Mel Gibson was supposed to have a cameo in this as a tattoo artist, but the cast and crew stopped it happening due to him being a drunk nazi. Now I’m not saying he should have been in it or that nazi’s should be allowed in films. But I will point out they had Mike Tyson in this series, and he’s a rapist. Yet the public seem to have forgiven him. So I don’t think it was down to morals, I think it was down to “this will make us look bad” rather than a genuine worry about ethics.

June – X-Men: First Class

The film that saved the X-men franchise which was in desperate need of saving after Last Stand and Origins: Wolverine. In the end it kind of ruined the franchise though as it led to too many discrepancies between timelines. It also led to Dark Phoenix, and fuck that film. But this did show that you can save a franchise thought to be dead. All it takes is to make a good film and people will, well not “forget”, but certainly forgive the sins of the past films.

July – Cars 2

Because even Pixar make mistakes. And for them to put three of their worst films in one franchise is admirable. Still, made a lot of merch sales.

August – Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes

Yes! Now we’re talking. This is one of the most complete trilogies of all time. It follows one story arc but each film is self-contained. Everyone was wary about this film when it was announced, and for good reason. Thankfully it turned out great. This is a trilogy where any film in it could claim to be your favourite one. The fact it lost the academy award for best visual effects is a travesty. As is no nominations for Andy Serkis.

September – Tucker And Dale Vs. Evil

Yeah everyone should have seen this film by now. It’s hilarious. It’s one of those films that you feel has always existed, like the fact that there was a time before this film existed is strange. A bit like Led Zeppelin, but with more woodchipper deaths and less raping of underage girls.

October – Tyrannosaur

Are you a happy person? Do you wake up with a spring in your step and a desire to smile and sing and bring joy everywhere? Watch this film, it will soon cure that. When Olivia Colman won an Oscar earlier this year, the collective thought from everybody who saw this film was “it’s about damn time”. I haven’t seen The Favourite, but I really struggle to see how it can be better than her performance in this. It’s completely heartbreaking and wonderful and depressing. I love it so much.

November – 50/50

The best Seth Rogan film. This film makes me tear up everytime I see it. Based on a true story and all the better for it. The cast are on top form; Rogan plays the role he played in real life, so brings an emotional honesty to the character. Joseph Gordon-Levitt puts his puppy dog-like face to the best possible use. Plus it has Anjelica Huston, and I love her. It also has the best possible use of “To Love Somebody” you’ll ever see.

December – A Very Harold And Kumar Christmas

These films don’t get the love I feel they should. They’re REALLY funny and have something to say. This one is oddly mature compared to the others, but still juvenile in the right ways.

See-Saw: Day One (Saw)

On By troubledproductionsIn See-SawLeave a comment

It’s that time of year again. The time of year where I actually get compliments on my face, mainly because people think it’s a Halloween mask. Like a creepy art student when they see a woman in a coffee shop, the day draws ever closer, creeping slowly until we’re glad it’s over. So we’re going to live-blog another horror series. Was considering doing The Omen, or maybe Halloween, but I came to a decision. After chuckling at Chucky, guffawing at Ghostface, and flipping off Freddy, it’s time to jerk off Jigsaw. It’s the Saw series. We start with the first one, because…..because it’s the first one. This really shouldn’t be this complicated.

Director: James Wan (Insidious, The Conjuring, Furious 7, Aquaman)

Budget: $1.2million

Box Office: $103million

  • I actually like the credits to this. The font etc they use brings to mind a dodgy 80’s VHS video nasty.
  • Very blue tint over everything. Hah! It’s a blue movie.
  • A guy (Adam) wakes up in a bathtub chained to a pipe and accidentally pulls the plug out, sending a key down the drain. This is actually VERY IMPORTANT, so the film decides to show how important it is by barely focusing on it at all so if you sneeze you miss it. You can’t even tell what it is until much later on.
  • Wait, how long was he underwater for? How did he not drown or something? He must have been in there a while otherwise the other guy would have been more aware of him. And why was he in the water anyway? He could have got hypothermia and died, which would ruin Jigsaws plan.
  • I like that Cary Elwes is in this (as Doctor Gordon). He really doesn’t get as much work as he should. He’s also chained to a tub in this. This entire plan rests on the two of them not being able to pick locks.
  • “what’s your name?” “My name is very fucking confused”. Look, I do love the script to this, but the dialogue is sometimes awful. Yet it thinks it’s very funny, weirdly enough most of the supposedly funny lines go to the actor who also wrote the script.
  • “that’s what they do, they take out your kidney and sell it on eBay”. You can’t sell kidneys on eBay. You have to use Amazon or craigslist.
  • “are you a surgeon or what?” It later turns out that Adam has been following Dr Gordon, so he knows he is a surgeon.
  • There’s a lot of luck in this plan. Mainly, luck that the tape in Adam’s pocket wouldn’t break when he fell onto the floor earlier. How long has Dr Gordon been awake to not notice the tape in his pocket, but also know that screaming has no purpose (and yet also somehow didn’t wake Adam up)?
  • So Jigsaw punishes people for their sins. Adams sin is that he takes photos. Bit weird.
  • The doctors’ tape says that he can only escape if he kills Adam. This would have been a lot easier if, you know, he wasn’t chained to the wall.
  • Tape players in movies are fantastic, always being rewound to the right moment.
  • Adam sticks his hand down a dirty, shitty toilet so he can help…..the person who has just been told to kill him.
  • Considering how much shit is in that toilet, the smell must be overpowering.
  • How has he never heard of the Jigsaw killer? If there was a serial killer operating near me, I would know (and be really annoyed at the competition).
  • Hey, it’s Danny Glover!
  • “he’s not really a murderer”, Nah, he is. Just because he’s leaving them to die but not actually striking the final blow himself doesn’t make it not murder. Otherwise burying someone alive wouldn’t count as murder.
  • So they think the doctor is a killer because they found his pen nearby. How did they recognise it as his? Does a doctor with no criminal record have his prints on file?
  • They’ve established it’s not him, his alibi is someone he nearly fucked. They still make him sit in on a survivor interview, because…..erm, so he can tell the story at this point in the film?
  • Flashback within a flashback. That’s too many flashbacks. This is the first really iconic one, the reverse bear trap. It’s put on someone’s face and when the time runs out it opens, ripping their jaw open. Sexy. To unlock it he has to get the key out of someone’s stomach who is supposedly dead. He’s not, however, he just can’t move. Not sure why the detail about him supposedly being dead is in it. He’s her former drug dealer so it would have made more sense if she had to do it whilst knowing he was alive. Would have been more thematically pleasing and a harder choice for her. She’s actually pleased this happened as it helped her get off drugs. Not entirely sure how, as surely trauma would make someone MORE likely to do drugs. And now we’re back in the bathroom.
  • “you have something I don’t, information” That’s not exactly his fault. If you’re not aware of a serial killer in your own town, that’s on you.
  • “this is the most fun I’ve had without lubricant”. Okay then.
  • Dr Gordon continues work instead of checking his daughter’s room to let her know there are no monsters there. This is supposed to show him as a work-obsessed monster. But he just finishes the paragraph and then goes to check the room. And stays with her, singing songs to her until she’s okay. He did exactly what he should do. He’s doing a job which he can’t really abandon, it’s an important job which he needs.
  • This film is essentially a live-action version of Condemned. That game was freaky. And had more pigeon-collecting than most games.
  • About 50% of Danny Glover’s dialogue is the word “asshole”
  • Actually, love the way detective Sing dies in this. Tripwire setting of shotguns. It’s simple but effective, is the mark of someone who is just starting to set up traps. Although this kind of goes against Jigsaw’s modus operandi to kill people who deserve it, he’s killing a lot of cops.
  • They’ve found a box containing a phone and cigarettes. The phone isn’t useful though as it was only meant to receive calls, not make them. Which is kind of bullshit tbh, because all phones can dial the emergency services in case of….you know…emergency.
  • And now another flashback. This film deserves credit for the main action taking place in one room, but it doesn’t half take liberties with flashbacks.
  • It turns out the doctor was kidnapped by a person wearing a pig mask who sneaked up on him. Why did they wear the pig mask if they were sneaking up on him? All it would have taken is someone seeing them and shouting out “oi, piggy”.
  • “my last girlfriend, a feminist vegan punk broke up with me because she thought I was too angry”. Love that line.
  • The make-up on this is on point. Doctor Gordon looks emotionally distraught and near death.
  • The lights go off so the camera can’t see them, and they start to whisper to discuss their plan. Why did they turn off the lights when it was them speaking that would have given the game away? He could have just sneakily written something on the back of one of the many pictures and threw it over.
  • I can’t tell whether Adams “death” is bad acting or great bad acting. I’m leaning towards the latter.
  • “this thing electrocuted me” how? It doesn’t seem to be part of a circuit.
  • “The guy who paid me to stalk you, he’s a tall black guy with a scar around his neck”. And you didn’t connect this to the story the guy told earlier about the black guy who got his throat cut who was following him earlier?
  • “I don’t care if you covered yourself in peanut butter and had a 15 hooker gang-bang”. Are we sure I didn’t write this?
  • The way they set up Zepp as a red herring villain is kind of genius, to be honest.
  • Adam is just around the corner taking pictures, like a few feet away. How did Dr Gordon not notice him from that distance? He would have seen him, at the very least heard him.
  • All this computer and equipment is set up in the home of the kidnapping victim. That’s not normally how it’s done, is it?
  • And now we have the scene; the one that defines this film; Doctor Gordon sawing his leg off. I do like how brutal this bit is, but after seeing it done differently in another film, it could be done a lot better.
  • This is where it goes from being good to great; the ending. It turns out Zepp was just another player in the game, the actual Jigsaw rises up, turns out he was the body in the middle of the room. A great twist, like, nobody saw it coming. Mainly because it’s a bit strange. I mean, nobody noticed him breathing for about 6 hours? He didn’t move, defecate, or even cough in that entire time? An ageing cancer patient managed to stay perfectly still on a cold floor for that length of time? But forgetting that this is a magnificent piece of storytelling.
  • “The key is in the bathtub”. Two points: 1) the film gave no indication that was important. 2) Let’s say it didn’t go down the plughole when he emptied it. That means he’d be able to unlock his chain and escape almost instantly.
  • I do like this film more than the others, mainly because it forgoes the torture-porn the series became known for tight plotting and character work. It’s not perfect, there are a few moments which are inconsistent with character motivations etc. And the timing is a bit off at times with nothing happening for hours in-universe.

So, day one down. And that’s the best one out of the way. I can’t remember exactly when they started going downhill, but I know it happened and I’ve got that to look forward to.

I Scream For The Last Time: Scream 4

On By troubledproductionsIn I Scream Some DaysLeave a comment

  • This film is actually tinged with sadness for me, it’s the last film Wes Craven directed. Please don’t be terrible. Or as it’s called on the package: Scre4m. So to give it it’s full title: Screfourm.
  • I haven’t mentioned this before on any of the others but the DVD extras on this are shocking: the trailer, subtitles, and that’s it. That’s unacceptable. This is the first film in the series in over ten years, at the very least, want a short documentary explaining why it’s back, maybe something about how horror has changed since the first Scream movie came out. The extras on this are like the ones you got listed on the very first DVDs that came out (I remember having 10 Things I Hate About You and the special features on that were “scene selection”, and “interactive menu”, and the DVD itself was actually broken anyway so you had to use the scene selection to start the movie because if you just clicked “start movie” it would just take you back to the menu.
  • I know, I’m surprised I mentioned a rather forgettable 90’s rom-com this early into a liveblog about horror too.
  • The film opens with characters complaining about Saw IV. “It’s all torture porn shit. You don’t give a shit who dies because there’s no character development it’s just body parts spraying everywhere”. This movie would be awesome at liveblogs.
  • “I’m going to cut through your neck until I feel bone”, her response to someone saying this on the phone is to hand the phone to her friend “well you’re the one with the stalker”. Even more reason to not do it.
  • Ah, so the opening of this film is actually just Stab 6. Now we’re actually watching this film.
  • Oh hey, it’s Kristen Bell, I think.
  • Okay, so it turns out people watching Stab 6 were actually actors in Stab 7. Wtf? Actually, I really like that opening, it’s unique and makes the audience know they’re going to have to stay on their toes and pay attention. It’s also quite weird, and I like weird.
  • Hey, it’s the girl from Tomorrowland, I don’t care what people say (and by “people”, I mean “almost everyone”), I actually really like that film.
  • Oh, she’s dead now 😦 I should just stop liking people in horror films, they almost always die.
  • Holy crap it’s The Sounds. Say what you like about this film, I never expected to hear European dance pop-punk in a horror movie.
  • Wow, it’s Alison Brie. Completely forgot she was in this too. I bet she dies 😦
  • Still weird the town kind of celebrates these murders, almost like they’re proud of them. it would be like New York selling 9/11 merchandise, would seem a bit cheap.
  • Wait, this film also has Anna Paquin and Emma Roberts, holy crap this is one hell of a strong cast.
  • “you’re not cheating on your wife if you eat my lemon squares”. Phrasing!
  • “”Here I am with Olivia “don’t look at my tits I have a mind” Morris””. Why is that a nickname? It’s an awful name, basically saying “this person hates being objectified”. Oh no, how awful of her.
  • Marley Shelton is really good in this, she reminds me of the bunny from Zootopia, which is odd as they’re both police deputies called Judy.
  • “Anything with an on/off switch should be off”. Does that include heart monitors?
  • Gale Weathers thinks she should be involved because she wrote the books on the original murders. But she wrote them after the fact, she didn’t really do much during.
  • “your lemon squares taste like ass”, in which case it’s even weirder her husband is eating them.
  • The killer says he’s standing in the closet whilst making the phone call, I could make an obvious “in the closet” joke, but instead I think I’ll take the high road and say “how did he manage to have a conversation on the phone whilst in the closet and the girl not hear him in there? I mean, the closet he was in belonged to a girl who was just standing there not making any noise, so she surely would have heard something?
  • “this isn’t a fucking movie”, hey, that’s my line!
  • “I’m going to slit your eyelids so you see when I stab you in the face”, wow, that’s…..brutal.
  • Just realised Sidney no longer has the necklace. Okay to explain. In the second film her boyfriend handed her a necklace before he died (obviously, would be a bit weird if he did it afterwards). She kept it in the third film, and I always thought that was a nice touch. She’s not wearing it in this one, so either her character has moved on, or the film-makers just forgot.
  • “Olivia Morris, who will officially never go out with me, is dead” this guy is the worst.
  •  Okay, Alison Brie’s character is awful too, saying Sidney should be glad about the murders as it will increase book sales.
  • “the problem with Sidney is she never gets laid”, I’d say the problem is more to do with all the murders.
  • Alison Brie gets stabbed in the stomach, not the most exciting death but well crafted enough.
  • Her body is thrown off car park onto a news van during a press conference. Now that’s better.
  • “you film your entire high school experience and put it on the web?” Why would any high school student do that? Most schools feature much embarrassment and things people would rather forget.
  • So they’re doing a drinking game for a film series consisting of 7 films? They’re going to be white-girl wasted by the end of this.
  • Wait, they’re showing the popcorn scene from the original Stab, then the shower scene. But weren’t they the other way around when they were shown in Scream 2? Unless maybe because that was a preview the studio changed it around. Actually considering someone was murdered at a sneak preview of the first film, how on earth did sequels get green-lit?
  • Cop gets stabbed in the head then random walks down the street, punching the air before falling over. May seem unrealistic but apparently based on videos of people who have been stabbed in the head.
  • “fuck Bruce Willis”, I agree.
  • Stabbed through the letterbox. That sounds like a weird euphemism. We later found out that the mother was intended to die, but how did the killer know that it was her leaning against the door and not Sidney?
  • Okay, they’re all settling down to continue the Stab-athon and finish watching stab 7. Which is weird as the last we saw they were still in the first one. So did all those people get stabbed and then just sit around and watch the first six films before doing anything? Let’s say 90 minutes per film that’s about 9 hours.
  • A history lesson on the slasher genre, I have now added Peeping Tom to my list to watch.
  • “name the remake that” she then reels off about 20 remakes that have been recently made. Very very funny.
  • “this is making a move” *proceeds to stab someone*. Hey, how about that? I have made a move on people before then.
  • So Rory Culkin stabbed someone seemingly out of sexual frustration? Typical white male bullshit.
  • Weird touch here that I’m not sure if it was intentional but both killers are played by people from acting families; Rory Culkin and Emma Roberts.
  • “I told so many lies that I actually started to believe them”. So she’s not only a killer but also a liar. I’m starting to think she’s not a nice person.
  • “old school, like Billy and Stu”, he’s then surprised when he gets stabbed by the other killer, did he not pay any attention to the first movie?
  • “I don’t need friends, I need fans”, actually a killer line.
  • “how do you think people become famous now? You don’t have to achieve anything” lucky me.
  • “you just need to have fucked up shit happen to you”, actually that’s pretty accurate. I mean, I would argue that point, but Madeline McCanns parents got a book tour and to meet the pope.
  • Emma Roberts character maims herself to make her look more like a victim. And we’re talking proper hardcore maiming here. She drives a knife into her own shoulder, runs into a glass picture frame, and throws herself backwards through a glass table. Surprisingly chilling scene. Weird that this is her first horror movie as she’s so damn good at it. She was later in Scream Queens, which again, I recommend everybody watch, even if only to hear one of the best songs you’ll ever hear.
  • Oh no, Marley Shelton got shot 😦 That’s annoying as she was lovely. I really need to stop finding people adorable in horror films, it never works out.
  • “you forgot the first rule of remakes, don’t fuck with the original”. I assumed that’s what all remakes did.
  • So it turns out Marley Shelton is still alive because, as she says, “Wear the vest, save your chest”, and it is a magnificent chest. Wait….
  • Oh fuck that’s how this series ends, with me making a perverted comment. God fucking damn it.

I Scream Monday: Scream 3

On By troubledproductionsIn I Scream Some DaysLeave a comment
  • For a long time, this was the only one I owned on DVD (yeah, I know, I’m odd) so I’ve always had a soft spot for it. A lot of people hate this film for some reason and see it as really weak, so I hope this rewatch doesn’t open my eyes to its suckiness and ruin it forever. That was the downside of the Musings On Marvel series, it really opened my eyes to a lot of issues those films have and made it slightly harder to enjoy them. Doing these is like dissecting a frog, you cut it open and accidentally kill it.
  • A great horror movie should make you feel uncomfortable very quickly. This film starts with the logo for Dimension Films, an offshoot of The Weinstein company. So, erm, job done, I guess?
  • So since the last film Cotton has become a talk show host, apparently the number one rated one in the country, but they all say that.
  • A jump scare utilising the scariest sound in human history; a song by Creed. Terrifying.
  • “okay Cotton, you know I don’t like your Stab games”. Wait, what exactly does Cotton do with his girlfriend at his house? Does their sexual roleplay involve murder? That’s……….not normal is it?
  • Cotton removes his jacket for seemingly no reason, almost just to show that Liev Schrieber had been working out. Actually, if rumours are to be believed that’s the exact reason that happened, he insisted on it.
  • This film came out at a really weird time, Hollywood was terrified of receiving backlash for seemingly causing the Columbine massacres so was keeping a watchful eye on violence in cinema. It got to the point where the producers wanted no blood at all in this film, how exactly would that have worked? I mean, you can do that in a new franchise but to go from 50 gallons in the first film to nothing in the third? You would have noticed the complete tonal 180 and it would have ruined it, which the producers would then blame on everybody except themselves.
  • “If we stop making horror movies, all the psychos would retire?” I doubt it, they don’t have the greatest pension plan.
  • “he was making a movie called Stab, he was stabbed” is used as a reason for police to believe the killing of Cotton was linked to the film. Which kind of makes me want to twat Robert Downey Jr. round the face with an Iron, man.
  • “you think serious black actors can just throw away jobs?” to prove his point he then mentions Usher and LL Cool J, who nobody takes seriously.
  • Jay and Silent Bob make a cameo appearance, that’s….odd to think they exist in this universe.
  • Scream goes for a random ghostly jump scare. It’s weird as this is the catalyst for Sidney returning from her self-imposed exile, which was the killers plan all along, but the killer can’t force this hallucination on her, so what would he have done if this never happened? His entire plan was focused on drawing her out, yet the only thing that does so is something he can’t control and is based entirely on luck.
  • “how are we supposed to learn our lines when there’s a new script every 15 fucking minutes?”, weren’t you just complaining that you’re only in two scenes? So no matter what changes it’s not as though you have a lot to learn.
  • “who gets killed third? You do”, and there we have the worst line reading in the history of the series.
  • So because of all the deaths, the films get cancelled, which is kind of odd as they’re based on real murders that happened about 6 months prior to the films being made. So really they’ll probably just delay it and use it the murders as inspiration for the third film. Speaking of which, why the hell is there a third film? The first Stab film was based on the murders in the first Scream film, which Gale Weathers wrote a book on (which was used as the basis of the script), presumably, the second one is based on the second set of murders, so what’s the third one based on? And as the person who wrote the book which (at least) the first one was based on, wouldn’t Gale know the third one is being made and the details of it?
  • Not-Dewey gets blown up by checking a fax in the dark by using a lighter in a room full of gas. So many ways this is basically just luck, what if he had a torch? What if he left the house then looked? What if nobody cared what the fax said?
  • Sidney finally comes back to meet the other characters. It takes nearly 50 minutes for Scream to Scream.
  • Hey, it’s Heather Matarazzo, a.k.a the girl who’s not Julie Andrews or Anne Hathaway from Princess Diaries.
  • Hey, Jamie Kennedy is back by oddly prescient videotape. I suppose that’s one way to kind of bring the character back without it feeling cheap.
  • And there goes Heather Matarazzo, shame, she should be in it more, just because she’s awesome.
  • Carrie Fisher cameo, playing someone who looks like Carrie Fisher and was nearly in Star Wars but wasn’t in it because she refused to sleep with George Lucas. So a film made by a company that’s an offshoot of Weinstein company has a scene where an actress loses out on a part because she refused to sleep with someone? Well, this just got a lot fucking creepier.
  • Okay, the producer of the Stab films is talking about sexually exploiting/raping women to get them parts in films. Talking about how “you have to play by the rules in this town”, and blacklisting actresses who won’t do it or who try to report it. Again, this is a film distributed by an off-shoot of the Weinstein company. This is…..uncomfortable viewing. Like that kind of creeping sensation you get where you feel your skin tightening, or like a hundred spiders are walking up your back.
  • “looks like Stab 3 is back in production”. That is not how to announce “crazy psycho killer is in the house”, rather flippant.
  • “I did not fuck that pig Milton just to die surrounded by second-rate actors like you”, yet another reference to a producer using his power to sexually exploit young women. This film is making me feel awful.
  • Dewey thinks someone is being killed behind a wall of mirrors, so he slowly shoots every single mirror, as opposed to just shooting one then walking through the gap.
  • So when the killer takes the mask off he needs to hold the voice changer to his mouth to change his voice, yet he wasn’t holding anything to his face during any other point, is there one in the mask?
  • Oddly tweet music accompanying the killer reveal, it sounds like Home Alone music.
  • So the killer’s justification is that Sidney gets all the attention that he craves? He’s a Hollywood director, she lives under a fake name in the middle nowhere, he’s definitely the more famous one of the two. Kind of odd as apart from that his motive is pretty logical, even his methods were logical, very few of the deaths are superfluous, even the ones you think are turn out to be “well otherwise they wouldn’t have told people” later on.
  • Kind of nice moment when the killer dies holding Sidney’s hand, sort of sweet.
  • Random fact, when Sidney stabs the killer with the ice pick, she missed the pad she was supposed to hit, and instead hit flesh, the second time in the series that’s happened.
  • And that’s the end of that, and I feel disgusted with Hollywood.

I Scream Too

On By troubledproductionsIn I Scream Some DaysLeave a comment

Nothing much to say about this, fun fact, I used to own this on video, I think. I don’t know, I might have done. I say “fun”, I mean “pointless and tedious”, which is the same thing, right? Right? Oh I’ve wasted my life

  • Not really anything to do with the film, but the DVD menu for this is really weird. It’s a close up of a blinking eye. Kind of creepy but doesn’t really suit the tone of Scream, more Saw.
  • “I don’t want to be here” “baby, these tickets are free”. Ah, young love, where “it’s free” is somehow an acceptable reason to make someone miss important studying time to do something they don’t want to do.
  • It’s weird watching this film in [insert current year here], the first two people we see are Omar Epps and Jada Pinkett-Smith, both of whom would never do these roles now.
  • “It’s a dumbass white movie about some dumbass white girls” that’s racist
  • “I guess Sandra Bullock is Miss Ethnicity” only when she blacks up.
  • “horror movies have historically under-represented black people”, that’s not true, there’s nearly always a black person in horror films, where do you think the “black guy dies first” trope comes from?
  • Jada’s response to being given a “Ghostface” costume is to complain that it’s white. Only the face, the rest of it is black.
  • Okay, there’s an usher outside the cinema, then another one inside, 3 people working the Stab puppets, and someone handing out costumes. Yet nobody is handling security so it’s chaos. The kind of chaos you only get at sneak previews in films. Unless it’s a sequel or something unique I don’t think people would be this excited. In fact, it’s weird they are this excited considering that in-universe the film is based on a true story. This would be carrying sparklers into a film about 9/11. They’re all dressed up too, this would be dressing up as a dead student during a screening of a film based on Columbine massacre, or the Virginia Tech shooting, or Sandy Hook, or

 

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  • Aaaaaand we’re back. What year is it? Is Trump still president? Fuck!
  • Back to that point, it’s weird the studio is making costumes of an (in-universe) real-life killer and selling them. You don’t see many Gary Glitter costumes in the stores. Oddly enough you do see a lot of blacking up for Halloween, it turns out an oddly high amount of people, when they think “scary”, their first thought is “black people”.
  • Why does her shower have a giant window next to it?
  • Okay I know it’s a movie within a movie but why is this woman making popcorn on the stove when she’s getting a shower? Surely doing both at once is a bit stupid and is likely to cause a fire?
  • People are sitting in the audience watching the film wearing masks, as such, they can’t see shit.
  • How did the studio who made Stab get the voice of the original killer? Bit weird.
  • Jada lives up to the “black cinema viewers yell at the screen” stereotype. That’s a really weird stereotype by the way that I’m 97% sure only happens in films.
  • “hey we sold out”, sneak previews are usually free, trust me I know, I’ve been to a few. So you didn’t sell out, you didn’t sell anything.
  • If everybody is in the screening, why are so many people just standing in the lobby?
  • “medium pepsi, medium popcorn, no butter”, a note to America; not everything needs butter.
  • “scary movies are great foreplay”, for psychopaths. So yeah it works great for me.
  • Omar Epps death is entirely luck-based. If his head wasn’t in that exact position he wouldn’t have died. More to the point, how did the killer know he would use that toilet? If he doesn’t put his head up against the door he survives, and the odds of anybody putting their head against a cubicle wall in a public bathroom is statistically very very low. I’d say near impossible, I’ve never done it, and I’m weird.
  • NOBODY in the audience realises this woman got stabbed to death, this is the stupidest cinema audience since millions of people decided to see the Transformer movies.
  • Journalists respond to murder by crowding round Sidney and asking “do you think they’ll be anymore?”. Bitch, how the fuck does she know?
  • “you can’t blame real-life violence on entertainment”, anybody else get the feeling this scene was just there as a response to criticism of the first film? I mean, I get it, and it’s funny, but still.
  • “the killer was wearing a mask, just like in the movie, it’s directly responsible”. Erm, how? The film wasn’t even released yet and the murder happened in the opening scene of the sneak preview. It’s impossible for it to influence someone like that, now if you said the actual murders inspired the killer, then yes I’d say you could be right. So what’s the solution; ban murder? Not in my Britain! Political correctness gone mad! *foams at mouth*
  • Film students discussing the recent murder of one of their classmates, we never did at my uni, we just discussed how Resident Evil is objectively not a great film.
  • “that’ll be a wrap”, not even a film studies tutor would end a lesson like that.
  • “So how would you make it different?” “I’d let the geek get the girl”. Just like in American Pie, Spider-man, or any other 80’s film which a nerdy lead character?
  • “you got any tricks for getting me back to a pseudo-quasi happy existence” Have you tried drugs?
  • So Gale Weathers, who has a best-selling book out is reduced to using inexperienced cameramen?
  • Why are they having a press conference at the college? There are lots of better places, this only happens so Sidney etc could see Gale again.
  • Few things can take you out of a horror movie like seeing one of the Bluths in it talking like a valley girl.
  • “Dewey I never meant to imply” you didn’t imply anything, you flat out said he was inexperienced.
  • “now if you excuse me, I have some oozing to do”. Does he mean masturbating?
  • “Sarah dumped Bailey”, a reference to the show Party Of Five, which stars Neve Campbell from Scream. So how does that work in this universe? Does Neve Campbell exist in the Scream universe? And why has nobody pointed out to Sidney how much she looks and sounds like her?
  • So EVERYBODY who lives in that house has gone to a party? There’s nobody who is unsociable or ill or just wasn’t feeling it? Bullshit!
  • Sarah Michelle Gellar is watching a vampire film, I feel there’s a really obvious joke here.
  • What was Sarah Michelle Gellar’s plan here? Run onto the balcony, and then what? Her only option would have been to jump off, which would have killed her.
  • That’s Matthew Lillard (the killer from the first one) in the background there, hugging the killer from this film. Nice subtle thing there.
  • “The Ewoks, they blow”. They do? I must find one.
  • Why does Sidney answer the phone, it’s not her house.
  • Why is Gale allowed in the police station? She’s a reporter, do they generally get access to confidential information?
  • “My film is about a girl who finds out her boyfriend is this serial killer who also killed her mother the year before that”, Tori Spelling just ruined the twist ending of Stab. This is why they don’t let her take lead roles anymore.
  • “He wasn’t gutted, I made that up, his throat was cut”, why did she change that part?
  • “I need you”, yes because it must be so hard to find someone who can operate a fucking camera at a college. Ask Randy, I bet he knows local film-makers.
  • Why does the drama teacher make Sidney do a scene in a play where she’s being attacked by people with knives?
  • “have you ever stabbed someone and felt the knife scrape against bone?” yes, every Tuesday at pilates.
  • “is that the best you can do? Billy and Stu were much more original”, how do you know that? Only people they phoned were Sidney and those who died, and I doubt Sidney told you much about it.
  • What were the killer’s plans if Randy didn’t coincidentally stand up and walk next to that exact van the killers were in? Or if people didn’t play music loudly as they walked past, masking the sound of murder? This and Omar Epps death rely almost entirely on luck.
  • Does this college not have security cameras? They should be able to see who left the van, a piece of piss.
  • “You have a message, you just need to hit alt+m”, she then hits at least 4 keys.
  • Sidney wondering how she can get a message when she’s not signed on. I wonder the same thing when I go on outlook and it automatically signs me into skype because outlook is a piece of shit.
  • “get her away from the computer”, you know the killer isn’t literally inside the computer right?
  • “that’s not a crime” “but homicide is”, wow! Thank you, Mr. Policeman for telling me that, I never would have guessed that.
  • “if the killer really is watching us, he’ll be on these tapes” they then decide to watch the tapes at the college, instead of, you know, in her newsroom, or anywhere that’s more professional.
  • “There’s gotta be a VCR player around here somewhere?” Millions of Millennials shout out as one “what’s a VCR?” only to be answered by a hail of gunfire aimed at them.
  • This shot of Omar Epps and Jada Pinkett-Smith is seemingly shot from a car next to them on the street, only if you watch the scene earlier there was no car. This film lies! It’s a lying liar!
  • Who’s editing these tapes? And why? That’s also my number one question for almost every single found footage film.
  • “where are you taking me?” “If we told you, we’d have to kill you” Dude! That’s not an okay thing to say to someone whilst a serial killer is around.
  • Did the other students just leave Derek tied and duct taped whilst there’s a killer around? Wow, the actual killers barely had to do any work, they lucked into almost every single murder.
  • Sidney thinks her boyfriend is the killer, she only finds out he’s not when he gets killed. What would have happened if he didn’t die? Seriously, how would that have impacted their relationship in the future? He would win every single argument forever. “you cheated on me with my best friend” “yeah, you suspected me of being a killer”.
  • “My motive is just good old-fashioned revenge”, then why did you kill anyone else? It doesn’t make sense!
  • “I’m sick of people blaming the parents, want to know who’s to blame? Your mother”. Odd she managed to contradict her own logic in just one sentence.
  • Dewey is still alive, despite losing blood for hours, again. Why is the ambulance response to these things always so slow? The final murders happen at night (which is another thing; nobody yawns or looks tired), yet no ambulances arrive until morning.
  • And we’re done the same way every film ends in the 90’s, a happy song sung by a happy band, and they all lived happily ever after, apart from all the people who are dead, obviously.
  • So over the end credits of a brutal horror movie; Less Than Jake, obviously.