Tag: Review

Monster (2023) Review

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Quick Synopsis: A single mother demands answers from a school teacher when her son begins acting strangely. 

I went into this knowing the quick synopsis, and that’s it. So I had certain expectations; I thought it would be an intense drama about a mother getting to the bottom of her child being abused by a teacher at school, and the school’s indifference towards it. And for the first section of Monster, that’s what it is. Saori Mugino, played by Sakura Ando, is a fiery tour de force during its section, so it’s easy to see why that character (and performer) was chosen to lead this story. Then it suddenly flashes back, and we’re put in the shoes of the abusive teacher Hori (Eita Nagayama). Tonally, it’s here that the film shifts more than a pervert in a porno theatre (as opposed to the non-perverts who sit there and admire the cinematography. Which is the normal thing to do when watching porn, obviously). It takes some time to adjust to this. Honestly, the film could do a better job of this moment. It takes a while for the audience to acclimate to the fact that it’s now a flashback and they’re seeing something new. So you’re not really spotting things that you probably should be. That’s a shame as it pulls this trick again later in the film. So that’s three perspectives tying into each other, with recurrences that are very important for the audience to notice. So the fact that the audience is sitting there trying to work out where they are means they’re not connecting dots that they should. It’s a shame, as something as simple as a more coherent establishing shot or a title card would greatly improve it.

Once you do realise what the film is doing, it’s a damn fantastic watch. What you may think is a tale of abuse, turns out to be one of a crush between classmates. Unlike a lot of romantic sub-plots, this one feels not only earned, but desired. Once you realise what’s happening, you want them to end up together, you want them to admit their feelings to themselves and to others. It’s weird, looking back on it, this is essentially a mystery movie, but a nice one. The mystery isn’t about a murder or a disappearance, it’s about explaining behaviour. In a world where films start off innocent and then get darker, it’s nice that for once something comes out that’s the other way around. Genuinely heartwarming, not everybody will like it, but those who are into it will REALLY be into it. A bit like feet.

Drive-Away Dolls (2024) Review

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Quick Synopsis: In search of a fresh start, two women embark on an impromptu road trip to Tallahassee, Fla. However, things quickly go awry when they cross paths with a group of inept criminals along the way.

I’ve said before how there are some directors who, for some reason or another, I just don’t vibe with. I’m worried that this is the case with the Coen brothers. I should like them, actually, let’s go further, I should be obsessed with their stuff. But Hail, Caesar! left me cold, and DAD gave me the same feeling. Okay, this time it’s only by Ethan as opposed to both of them, but I had similar issues with both films. I felt the narrative promised in the trailer was not focused enough on in the film. The central narratives felt more like an annoying distraction the writer felt they had to reflect on rather than the main focus. The execution just didn’t work for me. It felt too loose and unstructured. There are moments where the film is intercut with random hippy-ish visuals and music. This does come together at the end when we find out the reason for them, but whilst you’re watching it is a bit weird to have all these 60’s visual interludes in a film set in the late 90’s.

That’s my other issue with it, it never FEELS like the ’90s. Except for an unimportant Y2K party, and the mention of gay marriage not being legal in some states, the timeframe the film is set in never really factors into either the plot or (more disappointingly) the design. Considering the fact this is a road movie, and they spend a lot of time in clubs, it’s a massive let-down that the music is so forgettable. I’m not asking for every scene to be soundtracked to third-wave ska, but give me SOMETHING, make it feel like if I was listening to the soundtrack I’d get a sense of 90’s nostalgia; some grunge, some riot grrrl etc. Just something to make us feel the time.

The performances are fine, although I highly doubt that that’s Margaret Qualley’s real voice. Geraldine Viswanathan continues to be great and I love her. The two of them have a very natural chemistry on-screen, which is handy because if they didn’t you wouldn’t buy the way the relationship develops between the two of them. Their characters are a bit off at times, especially Qualley’s Jamie, who at times is kind of unlikeable and selfish, a little emotionally/sexually pushy. It’s a shame, if she was pulled back a bit, her character would actually be kind of sweet.

You’ll notice how I haven’t mentioned the crime aspect of this. That’s because the film doesn’t mention it much. The core focus is on the developing relationship between the two leads. The supporting cast is okay, but none of them really get a chance to shine. Despite boasting a cast consisting of Matt Damon, Pedro Pascal, and indie darling Beanie Feldstein, DAD belongs entirely to Qualley and Viswanathan.

In summary, some people will love this. But personally? I felt kind of bored. Maybe that was on my expectations. I just kind of feel like the movie that was in the trailer, was not the one delivered in the final product except in very brief moments.

The Iron Claw (2023) Review

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Synopsis: The triumph and tragedy of the Von Erich brothers, a wrestling family based in Texas during the 70’s and 80’s.

I’m gonna be honest with you guys, girls, both and neither, this film would have had to be TERRIBLE for me not to like it. I watched a documentary about the Von Erichs a few years ago so I knew the tragedy was perfect for a movie. That foreknowledge also meant that what happened was not a surprise. I’m not sure what would be the most devastating way to watch this. If you went in completely blind then you might think “Oh, that moment was very sad. Time to see how the family recovers from this. Wait, now THIS?” and find yourself relentlessly overcome by the constant slew of depressing events, a bit like watching the news in [insert current year]. But is being aware of what’s coming any better? Watching with the knowledge of what’s going to happen is a bit like watching a train slowly fall on an unknowing family having a picnic. You can see something terrible will happen, but you can’t do anything to stop it.

The worst part about this? The reality is actually sadder. There’s another brother who passed away that the film doesn’t show. Imagine that, having so much bad shit happen to your family a two-hour film isn’t enough to fit it all in. There are some other moments where it plays a bit loose with reality. Nothing major, it’s mainly about the chronology of events. A lot of things are made to look like they happened closer to each other than they actually did, creating a false sense of connection to some of them, implying that some events were the direct cause of the tragedies, even when in reality there were years between them. For most people watching, this won’t cause any issues, but for those who know what actually happened, it can be a bit frustrating to watch, but not enough to stop you from enjoying it.

A few wrestling fans might have issues with the cast not really looking much like the people they’re portraying. It’s true, in photos you can’t really see the resemblance. But the way that each actor captures the essence of their character is perfect. With one exception. I try to shy away from bad performances from actors I don’t know, particularly with those who don’t even have a Wikipedia page. It can feel a bit like bullying, and you never know if they might see it and feel discouraged. If you’re a name actor and your performance is shit? Yes, I’ll call you out on your performance, but I do try to be a bit kinder to unknowns. I’m about to break that rule for Aaron Dean Eisenberg. His portrayal of Ric Flair is shocking, and unrecognisable as the character. Ric Flair has a very distinctive vocal cadence, and Eisenberg doesn’t even approach it. At best he sees the correct cadence in the distance and then heads in the opposite direction to buy cheese, walking right past a warehouse that’s currently holding acting workshops. It’s distractingly bad and is the weakest part of a truly great film.

I think everybody should see this film, it’s genuinely fantastic. It will break you, and when you think it’s finished, will break you again. It’s so well done too. There’s a scene set in the afterlife which risks coming off cheesy, especially in such a grounded film. But it REALLY works here, with even the surviving Von Erich coming out in support of it. I’m glad he liked it, as he wasn’t actually involved in production so if he wasn’t a fan of the finished result it would mean the whole thing comes off slightly exploitative. The reaction from most people in the industry, and from family members, has been mostly positive. There’s been a few people who have said it made the father, Fritz Von Erich, look like a dick. I mean, nobody will come out of this thinking he was a good person, but considering it only implied instead of flat-out stating that when he forced his son to give a press conference after a coma it was whilst the son had brain damage, and it doesn’t contain a moment where he drunkenly tells his only surviving son “The only reason you’re still alive is because you’re not man enough to kill yourself like your brothers did”, I’d argue that Fritz The Twat actually got off pretty light.

In summary; watch this film. But FFS pick something nice to treat yourself to afterwards. I’ve watched two holocaust-based movies this year, but they didn’t quite hit home like this did. I think it’s because the holocaust is SO large that it’s hard to truly comprehend. Whereas the themes of The Iron Claw; toxic masculinity, burnout etc. They’re all ones that we see every day all around us, and they’re ones which some people actually still defend as push as good things. So it’s heartbreaking to see the natural ending of a lot of those vices. It’s not something that happens to other people, it’s something we can see happening to all of us. So it has a natural sense of empathy to the way you watch it. Only, you know, it’s empathy with spandex tights and fake fights.

2023 Film Awards Day Four: The Everything

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Most Surprising

Puss In Boots: The Last Wish
I expected this to be quite banal. Probably because my memories of the Shrek franchise have been tainted by how bad the sequels were, and the glut of poor imitations consisting of animated characters making pop culture references that date very quickly. So it’s a surprise that this was actually pretty damn decent. It had an actual plot, a genuinely disturbing villain, and a whistled tune which easily rivals the one from The Hunger Games. Not many kids’ films would dare do something based around the inevitability of death, and I doubt many would be able to do it as well as was done here.
Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret
I am fully aware that I am not the target audience for a film like this. And not just because I’m English and the Judy Blume books aren’t really a thing over here. There is a trend for cynical films lately, and if they decided to go that route then it would lead to somewhere terrible; Doncaster, or disaster, probably disaster. Cynicism would ruin this, I was won over by just how utterly charming it is, and if it was aimed at a more cynical audience you would have lost the warmth that makes it unique. I went in expecting to have to add a caveat to a positive review. You know, something like “It’s good for what it is”. But it’s not just good for what it is, it’s just good.
The Creator
This is a case of a film you watch, and then you’re surprised afterwards. You remember the incredible action scenes, the magical special effects, and how it perfectly blended CGI with real footage. You then remember it was done on a minuscule budget, and your head explodes. I can only assume Edwards made a deal with the devil to get this looking as good as it does. That’s the most logical explanation.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem
This could have gotten away with being a bit shit and it still would have had an audience, the Michael Bay feels have proven that. Also, this is aimed at kids, so it could have just been loud noises and stupid characters, the success of Minions has proven that. What it didn’t need to be was quite as weird as it is. It didn’t need to be as original as this was or try to do as much as it does. It would have been so easy for the studio to just do a low-effort piece of shit, keep everything the same, and watch the money. They take real risks with this, the big one being not having the iconic villains from the show in. No Krang or Shredder, they’ve been held off for the inevitable sequel, and I can’t wait.
Barbie
This was in the works for a while. One of the first writers attached to it was Jenny Banks, who has written for Sex And The City and the short-lived sitcom (very short, six episodes) Leap Of Faith, as well as the screenplay for What A Girl Wants. I feel that indicates what kind of film the studio wanted. Something light, fluffy, and kind of disposable. Many years later, after a change of producers, writers, and studio, we have this; one of the most successful films of all time, and it REALLY earns it. The script is razor sharp, with one of the best monologues I’ve ever seen. By the time the trailer came out, people could likely have seen what the final product would be, but when it was announced? Not a damn chance.

Winner

Wonka
Before seeing this, I had seen the trailer multiple times, so I had an idea of what to expect. But I still had a concern that it could end up terrible. Chalamet looked like completely the wrong casting choice, and I was worried that would tank the film. Thankfully, the supporting characters and the INCREDIBLE script mean that when Chalamet isn’t a 9/10, it’s not too bad. Yes, it would have been better if Chalamet wasn’t quite as flat when it comes to singing if he didn’t have the air of someone trying too hard, and if he wasn’t played as basically an idiot. But even with that, the fact that the film itself suffers from the problem of Chalamet, and manages to still be UTTERLY FANTASTIC, says a lot.

Most Disappointing

The Pale Blue Eye
It’s a murder mystery film with Edgar Allen Poe, starring Christian Bale, Timothy Spall, and Toby Jones. It should be incredible. At the very least, it should be memorable. Yet this is nothing. It doesn’t play up the Poe side, he could be replaced by a fictional person and it wouldn’t change the story at all. The mystery isn’t that compelling, and it’s too dull to care about. It’s a shame as the concept is original and you could have had a lot of fun with it by creating something unique and terrifying. Instead, it’s just bland.
65
To quote my original review: “Adam Driver fighting dinosaurs should not be as dull as this”. It would be hard to think of how they could have fumbled this more than they actually did. It makes so many mistakes and misses more shots than I do in a penalty shootout. There’s a spacecraft crash early on, one which kills almost every person on board. We’re not introduced to these people in a meaningful way. So when they all die, and I know this sounds harsh, but we don’t care. It seems like such a basic mistake to make, the film had an opportunity to add emotional meaning, yet didn’t. It seems like a low-budget movie at times, like they cut down on cast to minimise costs etc. Yet its budget was £45million, and I’m not sure how.
A Kind Of Kidnapping
Again (or, as I’ll say later, depending on the order I place these), my interest in this was based on being a huge fan of a sitcom written by the creator. This time, it was How Not Live Your Life, which is a real out-of-nowhere piece of greatness. The trailer made me laugh, and got me thinking this would a sharp and hilarious piece of satire. It’s not, it’s satire which doesn’t really have much to say. Beyond “politicians are shit” it has nothing. Watch the trailer, that’s the whole film. There’s no other twists to further the story (Well there is one mid-plot decision made by two of the characters, but it feels kind of ugly and only exists to get a third-act conflict).
Dumb Money
I was really looking forward to this. I thoroughly enjoyed The Big Short and was hoping this would be similar. It’s not. For one thing, it doesn’t explain things to those who don’t know financing and stock market terms like “shorting”, which makes it almost impenetrable for people who don’t know about it already. The editing feels amateur and like it was made for watching in short bursts on TikTok. There’s a really interesting story somewhere in among the muck, but it’s not being told here.
It’s A Wonderful Knife
I like genre mash-ups, especially when it comes to horror movies. It’s why I love Freaky, Happy Death Day, and Totally Killer. But this? It’s kind of dull. It doesn’t make the most of its premise, probably because it puts the main character in more of a passive role, and attempts to explain how it happened using logic that doesn’t really work. Probably not the worst horror film of the year, but definitely the one with the most wasted potential.
Assassin Club
Sometimes action movies surprise you. Usually by either a unique concept, or being incredibly well-made. This at least gives a unique concept. But completely messes up the execution. Every decision it makes in terms of narrative is the wrong one. I may not have expected something on the same level as John Wick or Polite Society, but I expected something that’s at the very least competent, and it couldn’t even reach that.

Winner

Your Place Or Mine
Yeah, this one’s on me. I wanted to watch this purely because of the writer. Aline Brosh McKenna helped write one of my favourite sitcoms of all time. Despite what my somewhat misanthropic nature would make you think, I’m actually genuinely a huge fan of romantic comedies, mainly because they’re a good showcase for writers. You really get to feel how creative a screenwriter is when they can do something where everybody knows the ending, and do it well enough that you enjoy watching it. So I went in expecting a new favourite romcom, instead, I got something that is at best serviceable. It’s probably not helped by the narrative device meaning that we don’t see the two leads physically interact that much.
This can sometimes work, but I’ve only seen it be exceptional once; in the supremely underappreciated TV show Love Soup. This isn’t Love Soup, at best, it’s “I Like You As A Friend” Toast

I Don’t Get It

Asteroid City (RT Score: 75%)
It’s possible I just don’t like Wes Anderson’s style. It feels too fake, there’s nothing for me to cling to. I also find them a bit pretentious. I know some people love them, but they leave me emotionally cold. The only exceptions so far are Fantastic Mr. Fox and Isle Of Dogs. People watch them and they see beautiful visuals and quirky characters, all I see are a bunch of characters speaking unnaturally and lacking individual personalities. Felt the same about French Dispatch.
Dream Scenario (RT Score: 92%)
This is annoying as I wanted to enjoy this. To the point where I even went to a preview showing of it. It’s a great concept, but it’s incredibly unfocused. Is it attacking cancel culture? Memes? The capitalist desire to exploit wonder for adverts? It attempts to talk about all of them and ends up not discussing any of them. I love weird things (probably because I am a weird thing), and Nicholas Cage is entertaining as hell. It looks good and has some really good supporting performances. It’s just, how can I put this in a way that makes sense? The only way I can describe it is like this: it’s like when you’re English and watching an American sitcom and you hear jokes about certain basketball players or shops, you sit there like “I’m sure I’d appreciate that if I got the reference”. 
Dumb Money (RT Score: 84%)
It’s possible I’d like this more if I hadn’t watched The Big Short, but since I have, comparisons between the two are inevitable, and there’s not a single area in which this is preferable. It is a shame, as on its own it’s a 5/10, but in a universe where a better version exists; it’s knocked down severely. Everything in it has been done better, and recently. Even the song choices.
Ferrari (RT Score: 72%)
I just didn’t give a shit about the main character. So when things started going well, I was displeased. I didn’t want him to be happy, I didn’t want him to win. I was actively rooting against him.
Pearl (RT Score: 93%)
Similar to the Asteroid City one, this might just be that I don’t like the directors’ style. Outside of the style, I felt it didn’t have a lot for me to be interested in. The visuals and performances were great, no doubt about that. But I didn’t vibe with the script.

Winner

Thanksgiving (RT Score: 84%)
My feelings about this can basically be summed up as: Too Bleak, Stopped Caring. I didn’t care about these people, and the world they were living in didn’t inspire any need to care.

Well I Liked It

Next Goal Wins (RT Score: 45%)
This isn’t an essential watch, but it is very good. It’s not going to change the world, but I’m not sure it’s supposed to. It’s supposed to just entertain you, and tell a really unique story. It’s also very sweet, with genuine heart. I’m not sure what else audiences were expecting.
The Creator (RT Score: 67%)
That score genuinely baffles me. I’d have thought critics would love this. It’s one of the best-made films I’ve ever seen. Yes, it lacks some personality, but it’s beautiful and stunning. John David Washington gives a great performance. Has a fantastic opening, and says a lot about humanity.

Winner

The Marvels (RT Score: 62%)
Is this the best Marvel film? No, but it is an utter delight. I think part of the low score might be because people are generally tired of the MCU at this point. On it’s own merits, it’s a fun and entertaining watch. Despite what the scores say, there is no way this is a worse film than Black Widow. It’s funnier, has a better story, better dialogue, better performances. The only thing Black Widow has over The Marvels is more skintight costumes. Oh, yeah I just figured out the discrepancy.

Most “Me”

Bottoms
Violent, sexual, and with a personal political point to make. Spoilers, but this isn’t going to end up winning the best film award here, but it is the one I’ve told the most people about. This is all very me, and unlike a lot of films I describe like that, this also has a mass appeal. This pleases me, because it means that despite me not being the target market for it, it does make me feel like there’s a place for me in this world.
Scrapper
A remarkable film and hopefully leads to great things for Lola Campbell and Charlotte Regan. I hope they work together again, but I’m sure even if they don’t then they’re going to do something incredible. They’ve already done something very good. It’s incredibly funny, and the dialogue makes me jealous that I didn’t write it.

Winner

Totally Killer
At this point, even I’ve realised that it’s kind of odd that so many of the films in this category have female leads. Maybe the suspicions people have about me are true. I should probably speak to someone about that. Anyway, back to the point. Totally Killer is essentially Back To The Future as a horror movie. That concept alone is very me, but the execution is damn near perfect. Subversive, smart, and damn entertaining.

Worst Movie

Nominees: Everything here

Winner

Assassin Club
Some of these awards are difficult. So I’m very happy that films like Assassin Club make it easy. Within ten minutes I realised this was a lock for worst film. Not just of the year, but one of the worst I’ve ever seen. It’s diabolical. Nothing about it works. I know opinions are subjective, but if someone I know said they enjoyed this film, I would judge them.

Best Movie

Nominees: Everything here

Winner

Past Lives
This was the most difficult one. For most of the year, Missing was the winner for this. But the more I thought about it the more I graduated towards Past Lives. Missing was great, a fantastic script and amazing performances. But Past Lives was magical. It’s the cinematic equivalent of floating through something ethereal. Even months after I watched it I still occasionally get moments where I flash back to that floating feeling I got watching it.

2023 Film Awards Day Three: The Genre

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Funniest

Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret
Yes, it’s sweet and very wholesome. But what I mainly remember is how endearingly funny it is. Whilst the situations aren’t universal, the feelings behind them are, and the comedic ways the characters react to them are far too relatable.
Barbie
God bless the weirdness. From the first time I saw the trailer I knew I was going to laugh a lot, and the film itself didn’t let me down on that front. There are different types of jokes too, some innuendo that wouldn’t be out of place in a Carry On film, some absurd stupidity, and some that just hit way too close to home for me to be comfortable with.
Champions
A film with this much emphasis on special needs could have gone SOOOOOO wrong. But it works here. Crucially, it doesn’t make them the butt of the joke but also doesn’t feel overly condescending either.
Joy Ride
It features a scene with a light-up vagina, and a series of scenes of them accidentally injuring a sports team with sex. It’s filthy, and it’s fucking funny.
Scrapper
I went into this completely blind, and it won me over with heart and humour. The character of Georgie is wise beyond her years, but not in a pretentious way that makes you dislike her. She’s street-smart and quick-witted. From the moment she gets caught stealing a bike and blags her way out of it by saying “I was just checking your bike was safe, it isn’t by the way” the tone is set.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem
It’s a little bit too reference-heavy, with pop-culture references flying by thick and fast. But it is mostly very funny. It’s helped by the main characters being voiced by actual teenagers, so their dynamic feels genuine. It’s a chaotic humour that suits the animation style. The dialogue feels like a bunch of teens just talking shit. The character of April has her moments too, including a vomit scene which is so over the top it goes past gross into hilarious.
The Blackening
I love a good comedy horror, in fact, as my love for Bride Of Chucky proves, they don’t even have to be good. The Blackening is good though. It knows the audience has certain expectations when it comes to black people in horror movies, and it plays with those tropes brilliantly.
Totally Killer
“Just think, maybe if she did blowjobs she’d still be alive today”
“Yeah, let’s NOT make that the lesson”
God damn, I loved the dialogue in this, the way it plays with time travel tropes, the way it points out how 80s parents at times didn’t really seem to care if their kids were alive or not.
Wonka
If you liked the Paddington movies, you’ll enjoy this. There’s a similar sense of playful weirdness which provides. It’s helped by a great ensemble cast, all bringing the weirdness, the funny, and the funk.

Winner

Bottoms
Again, a film that’s batshit insane. The final fight in particular is a masterclass of WTF black comedy. What would just be a standard football scene in most films (or at most, a quick fight) is a massacre, decapitations, explosions etc. There’s a line that comedy films have to be careful not to cross, Bottoms crosses that line multiple times and then snorts it. All the characters get jokes too. PJ and Josie are the leads, but the background characters get their chances to shine too. Personally, I loved Hazel and her sarcasm blindness.

Saddest

Aftersun
On the surface, not that sad. But when you get the subtext, when you get what’s NOT being said, it will break you.
All Quiet On The Western Front
Does a great job of showing just how futile individual effort is in a large-scale war. How you can die and it can mean absolutely nothing.
Talk To Me
Horror is a useful genre for exploring certain topics. Talk To Me explores grief and guilt, and does so perfectly. It blends together horror and sadness in some truly beautiful moments. The attempted suicide, in particular, is a mix of “Holy shit” and “please no” and is more effective than films with bigger budgets and more gore.
The Flash
Most of the film is not great. But the moment where he is essentially saying goodbye to his dead mother is heartbreaking. It is EXACTLY how I would have done it, and if the rest of the film had this much care put into it, then it would have been one of the best of the year.
The Night Of The 12th
Just knowing that you can be brutally murdered and not know why, the killer never being caught etc. It’s horrific. Murder mysteries tend to end with the murder being solved, this is depressingly realistic.

Winner

The Whale
God damn this is bleak. Much like The Wrestler (which is a great watch if you haven’t seen it), a tale of someone haunted by demons who hides himself away out of shame, which in turn alienates him from his family. They even end similarly, with a presumed but not confirmed death.

Scariest/Best Horror

Godzilla: Minus One
The big G is smaller here than in most iterations, you’d think that would make him less intimidating, but nope. His smaller size now means that he is aware of humans, and he’s not a fan (although can you blame him? What other species has invented atomic bombs, date rape, and the 2019 film Cats?). So you can’t just walk around him, if he sees you, he’s going to kill you.
Guardians Of The Galaxy Volume 3
The main villain is incredibly disturbing. There’s not enough of him in the finished product, but when he’s on-screen he’s utterly despicable and could easily work in an R-rated horror.
Holy Spider
The idea that people like Saeed Azimi actually existed, and in the modern world, is terrifying. It’s horrific how men like that don’t just exist, but seemingly thrive in some parts of the world. It would be nice if this ended with him and jail and the threat over. Whilst he is dead, it’s clear his son still thinks of him as a hero and is likely to carry on his mission. The patriarchy sucks.
M3gan
They’ve got a franchise here, and I think they know it. Reminded me of the last Childs Play movie, but with less violence. If the franchise continues though, it HAS to improve and go further. Plus it has some GREAT kills.
Piggy
Damn, people are dicks. Especially to overweight women. The sheer callousness displayed in how they treat her is uncomfortably true and will resonate with anybody who has weight issues.
Puss In Boots: The Last Wish
I’m surprised to see this here too. But it’s a kid film which fits in tales of existential angst, which I always find terrifying. Plus, it has a fantastic audio cue.
Saw X
Genuinely disturbing, and a surprisingly solid addition to the franchise. It’s as good as almost anything the Saw movies have given us. The traps are brutal and fun but do feel a bit unfair. We’re also given one of the most despicable and inhuman villains in horror history.
Scream 6
The ending was pitiful, but some of the deaths in this are brutal. The opening is nihilistic as hell and one of the best openings to a Scream movie in quite some time. It’s a shame that this could be the last good one as the seventh looks like it’s going to be a trainwreck.

Winner

The Blackening
The relationship between race and horror movies is well known, there’s a great documentary on the subject called Horror Noire: A History Of Black Horror. Films like Get Out have approached it from a serious side, so it’s about time someone took it in a comedic slant. The Blackening could not have been made 10 years ago. Racism is now politically acceptable, with politicians debating whether “This woman makes me hate all black people. I hope she gets shot” is racist or not. It’s in a “we’re not racist, many of my employees are Asian” world where films like The Blackening are needed. It kills it as both a horror and a comedy.

Wicked Little Letters (2023) Review

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Quick Synopsis: When the residents of Littlehampton start receiving letters filled with obscenities and hilarious profanity, Rose, a rambunctious Irish immigrant, is accused of the crime.

This is the fourth time I’ve written this introduction. The first time I mainly spoke about how the trailer was misleading and the final film isn’t as hashtag girlboss as you’d think. But I couldn’t go into that any further without spoiling the plot. My second attempt mainly focused on how Olivia Colman is undefinable, how you never know what you’re going to get from her, is it going to be an intense award-winning drama, or something sweary and British? That ran out of steam when I (and this is genuinely true) every path I took led to a punchline where I talked about how I suspect a beloved comedic actor shows hallmarks of being an abusive piece of shit. My third attempt wasn’t a review but was in fact a recipe for tomato soup. That was thrown out because I ran out of croutons.

So how do I discuss this without giving too much away? I can start by pointing out the most important thing; this film is filthy. If you have an elderly relative who is thinking of going because “I loved her in that thing where she played the Queen, she seems such a nice lady”, warn them. I haven’t seen swearing like this since The Thick Of It, and just like TTOI, it’s done beautifully. There is an art to swearing. If it’s done wrong it can come off gratuitous and immature (see, well pretty much any Tarantino movie), but when it’s done well then it can provide sentences with an artistic rhythm which flows beautifully (think of the scene from Planes, Trains, and Automobiles). This is more of the second, with the “shits”, “cumbags” and “piss” flowing like a British river.

The story is one you want to see unfold. The timing of the reveal of the letter writer is perfect. If it was any sooner it wouldn’t feel earned, and if it was later it would feel like the mystery was too small to justify waiting that long. The mystery is possibly the weakest part, there are not enough potential suspects to drive the suspense. But the aftermath of the reveal is very good. It moves into more of a caper, the police trying to prove their suspicions, the suspect proving their innocence, and the guilty party being racked with guilt. It gives everybody involved more to do and is genuinely quite tense because you’re unsure whether the person will get away with it.

None of that would matter if it wasn’t for the performances. Jessie Buckley and Olivia Colman have tremendous chemistry and I’d like to see them do more together; I would legit love a buddy cop movie. Anjana Vasan is a ball of energy and made me really want to see a second series of We Are Lady Parts. Joanna Scanlan is a lot of fun too. I wish some of the background characters had more to do though, there are inklings of personality for a lot of one-shot characters, and I’d have liked to have seen more of them.

Overall, Wicked Little Letters (or WLL, pronounced Woo-lil) doesn’t quite feel big enough to earn a cinema release, but it’s one you will be very glad you watched. Maybe don’t put it on over Christmas with the folks, but watch it when you need to laugh.

Bob Marley: One Love (2024) Review

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Quick Synopsis: Bob Marley once existed. Here’s what happened.

Biopics of musicians are always difficult to pull off in a way that will satisfy everybody. What’s the thing most people know about musicians? What? No, not their penis size, that’s weird. The answer is their music. You go into a film about a musician, and you expect to hear music (Unless you’re watching Stardust, the movie about David Bowie where the makers didn’t license ANY David Bowie music). So I think my enjoyment of Bob Marley: One Love (or BMOL, pronounced, well there’s no other way to say this; Bum’ole) was limited by the fact that I don’t actually know that many Bob Marley songs. I only know about five or so. If I were a fan, then I imagine I would have enjoyed seeing the songs come together, from a single bassline, then gradually more and more elements added until it becomes the song we all know in some kind of improvisational mix of jazz, reggae, and singing which people in the people in business call Jeggings. Okay, they don’t, but I just wanted to get that jeggings joke in there. Not worth it really was it?

But for those who aren’t familiar with the music, all they’re seeing is a song they sort of recognise. I’m not sure how much there is in this film to draw in non-Marley fans. It pains me to say this, but his life doesn’t have THAT moment to anchor the narrative around, which really hurts the film. It doesn’t feel like it’s building towards anything or is about anything in particular, stuff just happens, and then more stuff happens. I would have liked to have seen more about the gig he was shot at etc, more about his political side and what inspired it.

Some people had issues with understanding what was being said. I sort of did, but I don’t mind it. A look of the dialogue is in Jamaican Patois, and I’d much rather have that authenticity than the fakeness of just doing the accent whilst speaking full English.

Onto the positives, there are times when you do forget you’re watching an actor play Bob Marley. In reality, Kingsley Ben-Adir looks nothing like Bob, but when you watch him perform and hear him speak, you believe. When you see footage of the real Marley at the end you’re like “Oh yeah, we haven’t actually been watching him”. The other performances are fine, but none of the background characters are really built up enough to come close.

In summary, it’s a good film. It’s an interesting film. It’s also incredibly unfocused and feels like it was made for the sake of being made. Worth a watch if you can catch it though.

Madame Web (2024) Review

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Quick synopsis: Cassandra Webb is a New York City paramedic who starts to show signs of plot convenient-clairvoyance.

I was supposed to watch this a week earlier, but I was unable to go down to the cinema due to a random bout of sickness. Now I’ve not only recovered from illness but have managed to catch this at the cinema I can finally say…

I miss the days when I was ill.

Going to start by saying this; Madame Web is not as bad as Morbius. Morbius had absolutely nothing going for it. MW at least has one GORGEOUS shot, sets something up for the future (which now probably won’t happen), and ends with a Cranberries song. I mean, the rest of the film is dogshit though.

I actually went into this knowing it would be terrible. I don’t think that affected my viewpoint though. I mean, I went into Ghostbusters: Afterlife having only seen negative reviews, and that won me over. Conversely, I went into Wolf expecting it to be great and that………was not. It wasn’t just the early reviews that caused me to think this, it was the trailer too. The trailer said absolutely nothing about who this character is, or why we should bother paying for a ticket to see her movie.

I don’t get how Sony decided that THIS was the movie they wanted to release. They picked the screenwriters of Morbius FFS. How does that make sense? “Hey, these two people wrote one of the worst movies of all time, let’s hire them again”. The plot is DUMB, the dialogue is some of the worst I’ve ever seen, and the characters are badly written. It feels like it was written by AI; nobody speaks or behaves like an actual human. Nothing really has consequences. Cassie is thought to have kidnapped the children, so she has to hide out with the teens to avoid suspicion. All standard so far. But there’s not really a reason for people to believe that. There were witnesses to the police being attacked by the villain, and all it would have taken was one of the multiple police officers on the scene to radio in “It’s a man in a Spider costume”. At least one person would have seen the villain get off the moving train too. They also would have seen him pace down the train whilst angrily staring at the teens. The kidnapping (which happens during working hours), is later reported in that day’s newspapers. You know, newspapers are famous for 3pm printings and distributions, everybody loves picking up a newspaper on the way home from work instead of in the morning. That’s such an easy problem to fix too, just show it on a TV screen. It only seems to be done via newspaper so the film can get a daily bugle reference in.

Usually when I’m writing a script I go through one draft where I delete the names and see if I can figure out who is who just by character actions and dialogue. You could not do that with MW. Characters change personalities from scene to scene, going from nervous and bookish, scared of drawing attention to themselves, to dancing on the table in a diner (completely sober).

The song that woman is dancing to? Toxic by Britney Spears. A song which wasn’t released until January 2004, in a film set in 2003. Why is it set in 2003? No idea. I’ve heard rumours it’s so they could tie it into the Andrew Garfield films, then the Tom Holland ones, then realised none of those timelines work. I’m not entirely sure I would believe that, but it would back up the absolute clusterfuck that is this movie. It being set in 2003 adds nothing. I suppose you could argue it means that you can use Uncle Ben as a living character. I mean, him being Uncle Ben adds NOTHING, if anything it makes Spider-Man a worse character, as it means he likely based himself on the supervillain from this film. All the 2003 setting adds is weirdness, especially in terms of music. It’s not just “that song wasn’t out yet”, it sometimes goes too far the other way, using too many songs from the 80s and 90s. I don’t think many radio stations in 2003 would play the 1987 Tiffany song I Think We’re Alone Now early in the morning. It doesn’t feel very 2003, and unlike the Spider-Verse soundtrack, it doesn’t feel very New York. Except for a Yeah Yeah Yeahs song near the start, it’s the most generic soundtrack outside of royalty-free music. That’s not the most offensive part of the audio though; it feels like a lot of Tahar Rahim’s dialogue was rerecorded in post-production. Sometimes it’s not as noticeable, his mouth being obscured, but then there are some times when the dialogue doesn’t match his mouth movements at all. That’s not just bad, that’s a failing grade at film school.

MW doesn’t even have the decency to look good, it overdoes the swoopy 180 shot. Some of the action scenes are incomprehensible in terms of staging and choreography. That being said, there is one PERFECT shot; a car quickly drives away, turning as it does so. The shot is a standard “snow gets kicked up into the air by a speeding tyre”, but with broken glass. It looks absolutely stunning and may be one of my favourite shots of the year. But other than that? It’s like a glass of cloudy lemonade left for four days; it’s murky, it’s flat, and it’s ugly.

So that’s established that the script is shit, the directing is shit, and the sound is shit, what of the performances? Sydney Sweeney, Isabella Merced and Celeste O’Connor are good and I would like to see a full-length Spider-Women movie featuring them (just with a different director and screenwriter). That’s actually my main takeaway from this; it was a trailer for a film that will now never be mad. I don’t know how much Emma Roberts was paid but considering her level of stardom it was undoubtedly too much for how little she’s in it. Adam Scott is fun, but again, isn’t in it enough to really be memorable. So, no issues with casting there.

Dakota Johnson is fucking terrible though.

American Fiction (2023) Review

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Quick Synopsis: Monk is a frustrated novelist who’s fed up with the establishment that profits from Black entertainment that relies on tired and offensive tropes. To prove his point, he uses a pen name to write an outlandish Black book of his own, a book that propels him to the heart of hypocrisy and the madness he claims to disdain.

This is astounding. I’m leading with that, not because I’m going to be nitpicking and pointing out flaws in this so I wanted to remind you that I did actually like this, but because that’s the message I need you to know first. This was another secret screening, so nobody in the screening knew what it would be. I also haven’t seen a single advert for it being played, so it can’t really be argued to be eagerly anticipated by an audience. From speaking to people in the foyer, the general consensus was that it would be Argylle. So instead of something that had an extensive marketing campaign built around it, something that people were excited to see (note, this was before the early reviews came in so people were still excited about Argylle), they were met with a film that most of them didn’t know. Then to top it off, the first scene is an unsubtle racially charged explosion of sweary dialogue, the kind of moment which will put a lot of people off, yet nobody left.

I commend Cord Jefferson for leading with that scene, as it will weed out audiences who won’t like the film anyway. There’s no attempt to ease them in, AF lays out its themes and societal frustrations from the outset, not so much asking you questions as shouting them at your face.

It is depressing that this film is still relevant today, in a world in which a lot of people will loudly say “There’s no racism anymore”. Whilst there’s indeed less (definitely not “none”) open racism in modern society, it is definitely still there. It’s why people describe Idris Elba as “too urban” to play James Bond, or why the mere existence of a black man in an advert for a supermarket led to multiple people saying they’re boycotting the shop.

You may think a film dealing with race would be a somewhat dour affair, but it also deals with Alzheimer’s, sudden sibling death, and homophobia (in regards to his brother Cliff). Those moments are beautiful though. The death comes from nowhere and doesn’t form a shadow over the movie, but it is always in the back of your head when it comes to character actions and motivations. The other two bits combine in one of the most heartbreaking moments; Cliff is dancing with his mother (who he is out to), and she randomly says “I always knew you weren’t a queer”. Cliff (played WONDERFULLY) by Sterling K. Brown just breaks, he doesn’t need to say anything, you can read all the pain on his face. That pain is doubled in another scene where he speaks about how he regrets never coming out to his dad, he feels that his father died not knowing the real him. There is so much going on in the background of this, every character feels fleshed out and real. You could easily do spin-offs for most of the characters in American Fiction. Crucially, it doesn’t feel like their journeys are centred around the protagonist, they are all floating around in their own orbit, occasionally meeting in the same area.

It’s not all sad, it’s also HILARIOUS. Monks frustration at how he he feels stereotypical “Black” literature is dehumanising and false leads to some brilliant dialogue. He is essentially the sane man in a world gone crazy, but he’s still not entirely sane. It’s the most Larry David I’ve seen a character outside of Curb. Only a Larry David who accidentally Springtime For Hitlers himself. It all feels real too. Even the relationship aspect feels true, the fact that the argument isn’t resolved feels fresh, they had a massive fight, that shit isn’t fixed quickly.

In summary, this is my favourite film of the year so far, and it’s going to take something truly special to displace it from its place at the top. So much about it works, the dialogue is damn near perfect. The story is believable (although some may not like the directions it takes at the end), and the performances are damn fine. It feels weird to say this about an actor with as many awards as he has, but the world really is sleeping on Sterling K Brown. Jeffrey Wright is the true star though, this is the best he’s ever been, and considering how good he’s been in other things, that says a lot.

Lift (2024) Review

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Quick synopsis: A group of thieves plan to steal $500million a shit load of gold from a dickhead.

Palestine, Ukraine, economic turmoil, in these trying and confusing times it can be nice to have something to ground yourself, something that you can hold onto that you know is real. So thank Netflix for bringing us Lift and providing us with an undeniable truth; some films are utter shit.

F. Gary Gray has a weird history as a director. Sometimes he brings us Friday or Straight Outta Compton, and sometimes he brings us Men In Black: International. Lift belongs more in the second camp. It’s so by the numbers it’s basically a children’s colouring book. When you watch it unfold you’re not surprised or entertained by anything. There are moments where you can guess what’s going to happen, not just in terms of narrative, but also in terms of action scenes and dialogue. Everything has been done before, and done better.

Lift even copies the stupid things from action movies. They do that usual chase scene thing of using the “make go fast” lever/button when it’s dramatically convenient rather than when it would have been best to use it. It feels like the writer took a bunch of modern buzzwords like “NFT” and “hackers”, and then got AI to write the script. It has the “yes they’re thieves, but they’re the good guys” BS that’s prevalent in a lot of similar stories, but they’re not really good. Yeah, they’re stealing art from dickheads, but they’re doing it entirely for selfish reasons. Also, I’m calling BS on the “we’re the best thieves in the world” claim as the police know every single member of the crew. Not just names, but also their roles within the organisation, their addresses, and their contact details.

I’m also not entirely sure WHY it had to be this group of misfits who helped get the MacGuffin back. The movie states “We legally can’t get the gold because the transaction itself is legal”. But Interpol plans on taking the gold once it’s been retrieved. By doing that, they wouldn’t be able to do anything with it EXCEPT return the gold to the first person, who will then just make the deal again.

I don’t know enough about physics to call out the flight scenes as unrealistic, but even I know enough to doubt the scene where one of the planes flies upside down steadily for an extended period of time. I’m guessing there are more instances which will cause people’s heads to explode, but that was the most obvious. I do know enough to know that planes flying over the English Channel don’t tend to need to be wary of mountains. There’s not really an extended mountain range in Folkestone or Margate.

The worst thing for me about those errors is how unnecessary they are. Just don’t mention the mountains, say “high winds”. Make up a different reason for the crew being needed (maybe they used to work for the Big Bad so have inside information etc). Use a heist method which doesn’t involve flying a jet upside down. All of those are easy fixes for unnecessary problems. The fact that these problems are all over the film like Bill Cosby on an unconscious woman raises concerns. Concerns that the scriptwriter either didn’t realise they were problems, didn’t care, or was told to put these problems in by the studio. Neither of these scenarios is good. It just adds up to the feeling that nobody involved in this plane crash of a movie gave a shit about making it the best movie they could. Nobody went in with the intention of bringing 100%, they just did what they were paid to do, and then left. Nobody cared, and that’s evident throughout.

A plane heist is a unique idea, and one that could be interesting to watch unfold. As it is, it’s hard to recommend something as lazy as this. If nobody involved is going to care about a film, then why should the audience? Billy Magnussen is dope as fuck though.