Tag: movies

Civil War (2024) Review

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Quick Synopsis: In a dystopian future America, a team of military-embedded journalists races against time to reach Washington, D.C., before rebel factions descend upon the White House.

I have watched lots of terrible films, some at home, some at the cinema. Some, I’ve slowly realised are bad as the film went on (Lucky, or ironically Alex Garland’s previous film Men), and some I knew were going to be shit from the opening moments (Wolf, Hellboy), and a few I knew would be shit before they even started but I knew I’d get a decent review out of them (Thunder Force). But no matter how bad a film is, or how torturous the experience is, I have one rule; stay until the end. There have been a few cases where I have got up IMMEDIATELY at the fade-out, but I made sure I stayed until then. Civil War is the closest I’ve ever come to walking out of a screening.

Not because it was bad, or I objected to anything in it (and in a film about an American Civil War there was potential for it to be very problematic in terms of themes), or even because I didn’t like what I was watching. It was just so unbearably brutal and bleak that I felt I needed a break, just for a few minutes so that I could compose myself and face what was unfolding. Civil War is one of those films which seems horrific and terrifying until you sit down and think about it and realise it’s actually somehow more horrific than you first thought.

That’s the point of it though. People have come out against the film for “not picking sides”. In a way, they have a point. It’s difficult to know how to feel about certain factions because you don’t know their motivations. All we know is that the president has done some awful things. But we don’t know why. The war itself isn’t given any background, and the main opposing faction is comprised of both a red and blue state, so it’s difficult to assign any political leanings to it. We do see one group who are torturing and massacring any foreigners or people they see as “un-American”, but they’re shown as being unaffiliated with any of the main rebel factions. Similarly, it mentions an “Antifa massacre”, now is this a massacre committed by anti-fascists, or one committed upon them? The film doesn’t say.

It’s easy to see why this would annoy people. They need a side that is right and wrong, and they need to feel like they’re on the right side. I don’t think it matters though. If someone is threatening to shoot you it doesn’t matter what side they’re on. Unless they’re Israeli in which case, you’re obviously Hamas and deserve to be killed, even if you’re an unarmed child laying sick in a hospital bed. The point of this movie isn’t that you’re right, or even that you’re wrong and need to change your ways. The point is; war is fucking shit. It’s not fun. It’s not glorious, it’s not inspiring. It’s fucking shit and brutal and people will be killed unnecessarily. It won’t be “driving through the city playing CCR and shooting evil-doers whilst fireworks go off”. It will be “Family members and people you love are going to be tortured and you won’t be able to stop it, so stop wishing for it to happen you fucking idiots”.

It’s a lot more effective because of how well the story is crafted. Some characters are only in one scene yet are so well defined that you can fill in the gaps and create a believable back-story for them. All cast really well too, Jesse Plemons is perfect in his small role, as are the other one-sceners. But it all hinges on the core cast: Dunst, Wagner Moura, Cailee Spaeny and Stephen McKinley Henderson. They work brilliantly together. Truth be told; Wagner Moura is given less to do than the others, but he does have some great stand-out moments, particularly at the end. Dunst is fantastic and is a reminder of why she is highly regarded in acting circles. I haven’t seen that much of Cailee Spaeny before (mainly because I never got around to watching Priscilla), but she is damn near perfect in this. I want to see what she does next because she is fucking phenomenal in this.

In summary; a fantastic watch. Possibly the best film I’ve seen this year. Very much not an easy watch though. The scene with the mass graves, in particular, was difficult to stomach. It is something I feel most people NEED to see though. And you should see it in theatres whilst you can before you end up seeing it in the streets.

Imaginary (2024) Review

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Quick Synopsis: A horror story about an imaginary friend/bear. I’m not putting more detail into this than the scriptwriter did.

This may come as a shock to some of you, but I am not perfect and I do sometimes make mistakes. My mistake here was assuming Imaginary was good and that I should see it. That’s not to say it’s terrible, it’s just incredibly mundane. A huge issue is a lack of identity. Imaginary is as confused about its identity as I am when I enter a new relationship with someone who has interests I don’t know about but I suddenly find myself being a big fan of.

It’s not a film, it’s a mix tape of other creative releases: The black-eyed fake family from Coraline is one. The Never Ever (the dream world) reminds me of Among The Sleep in terms of visuals. Then there’s the fact the villain is an interdimensional reality-bending being who’s capable of driving people mad, usually focuses on children, and whose real form looks like a giant spider, which is basically It. You don’t come out of this wanting to see it again, you come out of it wanting to see the better films it reminded you of, and It; Chapter Two.

There’s only one time where this horror tribute act works; when it hints that it happens in the same universe as Nightmare on Elm Street. That would explain a lot of things which occur, as well as help close up some holes. That, and only that, is a reference to another horror movie that actually enhances the lore that it’s trying to create.

So whilst it is basically a mix tape, it is a very well-curated one. Jeff Wadlow is a competent director, he’s less good at picking good scripts though, being responsible for three of the harshest reviewed films on this site: Truth Or Dare, Bloodshot, and Fantasy Island. Two of those were so notably bad, I liveblogged them, if you want to read my brain break, look here and here. Imaginary isn’t as bad as those, but it is nowhere near good enough to redeem it in my eyes.

Visually it’s nowhere near where it needs to be. There’s also a TERRIBLE edit. A character expresses joy that they were correct. You know, the “arms spread out, shouting out loudly” kind of joy. So she’s shouting in elation, arms spread out in euphoria, us watching it all from above. The camera then IMMEDIATELY cuts to her eye level and she’s standing normally. That’s just lazy.

He’s not helped by how dull the script is. A lot of the moments don’t land. It wastes the potential of an evil imaginary friend, to the point where there are times when that feels more like the background than the main plot. It’s not just the plot not mattering, there are specific scenes which waste so much potential. For example; there’s a section where the characters are attempting to enter the Never Ever. To open the door the characters need to feel pain. Physical pain isn’t enough so one of the characters delivers a “brutal” speech to her stepdaughter, harming her daughter for having to hear it, and herself for having to say it. That’s a genuinely good idea, but Colombo (by which I mean: there’s just one problem): It’s not brutal enough. It’s not a sentence you can imagine breaking anybody. It’s incredibly tame.

The tameness is a constant issue. The predictable heel turn from a side character leads to a motive rant about how they want to do something (I stopped paying attention, I was that bored). It seems hollow and a bit stupid. She’s then killed off-screen. So you don’t even get the catharsis of seeing a horrible character suffer.

The performers are all fine though. Pyper Braun is hella talented for someone so young, reminding me of Milly Shapiro. Taegen Burns is also pretty good, coming off as an alternate version of Sarah Hyland. DeWanda Rise is talented enough to lead a much better film than this. The other characters are severely underwritten, completely wasting some potential horror fodder, some of them are basically crying out to be killed, yet instead they just walk off and never appear again, probably having a wank, or a salad, or wanking into a salad.

Yup, that’s how I’m ending it.

Monkey Man (2024) Review

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Quick Synopsis: Kid (Dev Patel) infiltrates the Mumbai elite to enact vengeance, with his fists.

Dev Patel is quite good, isn’t he? He’s already shown his acting pedigree in The Green Knight, The Personal History Of David Copperfield, and Slumdog Millionaire. Now it turns out he can direct too. Monkey Man is an ambitious effort for a first-timer, with some brilliantly inventive action scenes. They’re a lot more brutal than you’d expect. It’s not quite “blood blood everywhere, in my eyes and in my hair” levels of brutality, but it doesn’t shy away from showing the damage these fights would have. It has someone getting their thumb severed with a dinner tray. But also has enough Wick-ian fights to satisfy modern action palates.

Monkey Man has more than action to its name though. There’s also one hell of a story. Despite the fact that the character physically challenges many people, there’s a very personal approach to it. He is focused and determined throughout the narrative, with a clear goal. His backstory is incredibly believable and provides enough humanity that you actually do give a shit when he gets hurt or nearly dies. Yes, the action sequences are incredible, but it’s a damn fine film away from those moments too. There’s a sequence where he’s involved in stealing something and it’s so intricate and well-done, it’s basically a mini heist movie, very mini, a few minutes.

There’s a social message to this, which is always nice. I remember after the first trailer, people online were bitching about how “I bet they make a white man the villain, typical political correctness”, then when it turned out the villains are played by the very Indian Sikander Kher, Ashwini Kalsekar, and Makarand Deshpande, that discourse changed to “so there’s barely any white people in this? Racism!”. This is a Mumbai film through and through (albeit made by someone from Harrow, and filmed mostly in Indonesia), dealing with corruption, the caste system, trans rights, and abuse of political power. All themes that are sadly still prevalent in modern Mumbai (and in most countries too, let’s not get too full of ourselves to deny that). It doesn’t hurt that the character of Baba Shakti visually resembles the current Indian PM and notable dickhead, Narendra Modi. It’s this political context which was responsible for Netflix deciding not to release it, feeling it was too controversial and gritty. They tried to quietly cancel it because Netflix are cowards, but it thankfully found a home with Jordan Peele’s Monkeypaw Productions. I’m glad they released it, as it’s a film that’s worth seeing, but it definitely feels like it doesn’t quite fit in with the rest of their releases.

Now onto the bad. The female characters are woefully underwritten, with most of them coming off as nothing more than visual props. There are large periods of the film which basically feel like it’s there so the audience can be amazed at Patel. The “Monkey Man” aspect is also underdeveloped. There’s a big deal made about him turning his mask white, he dons the newly coloured mask for about 30 seconds before throwing it away. The general “lore” aspect of the backstory is not needed. It provides a small amount of detail into his connection with his mother, but we’d have assumed the two had a connection anyway as they’re related, not only is she his mother, but she was also married to his dad. I presume it was also there to provide a visual “hook” they could use in marketing, but again, it’s not needed. It’s just padding, and not even good padding; it’s asbestos.

As I said, it’s worth a watch. But it’s not a “must-see”. It at times comes off as a remake of an existing property that wasn’t that good in the first place. Or like an expertly crafted cover song, as good as it gets, you kind of just want to experience the original instead. Patel is clearly one hell of a director, and he will make something incredible. But this isn’t quite it. It is clearly a passion product for Patel, made with love and a NEED to get this made. But maybe someone should have stepped in at times to tell him to prune some of the cinematic flowers that aren’t quite blooming.

Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire (2024) Review

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Quick Synopsis: A death-chilling god seeks to build a spectral army. And in that scenario, who are you gonna call? Well, text, nobody answers the phone anymore.

I didn’t understand the negative reaction Afterlife got. Well, I say “negative reaction”, it was mainly from critics and online douchbags. Actual people who aren’t just going to be annoyed because “it’s gone woke” all enjoyed it. The same negative reviews and internet comments were there for this one. Logically I shouldn’t have cared because of what happened with Afterlife. But I had similar situations with Halloween Kills and Halloween Ends, poo-pooing the negative reviews of Ends, when they later turned out to be accurate as the film was shit.

I can gladly say, negative reviews of this are wrong. If you enjoyed Afterlife, you’ll enjoy this. The things which made that film work, also work here. It’s charming, it’s funny, and McKenna Grace continues to be one of the best young performers in the industry. Frozen Empire does have the advantage of being a bit spookier than Afterlife. There are some great scares and genuine tension, with a villain who’s much better defined than the previous one.

Just because he’s better defined, does not mean he’s better utilized. It’s a nearly two-hour film, yet it still doesn’t have time to properly flesh out the villain. He appears sporadically throughout, so never really overhangs the film like he could/should. When he’s on-screen/being discussed, definitely feels like a threatening threat of threatening proportions, but he’s definitely not used as effectively as he could.

I think part of the problem is that there are essentially two BIG threats in one movie. There’s the “Frozen” part, where the world is at risk of being frozen and people being killed via death chill so they will never want to build a snowman ever again. That could be a huge threat to overcome, and there’s a reason it’s all over the marketing.

But there’s another threat at play; all the ghosts that have been captured by the team are at risk of being broken out of “prison” and all returning. That was underplayed in the marketing and the film itself. But let’s face it, that should have its own movie. That concept has so much potential for greatness, and it’s as undercooked as that chicken that I had from KFC in ‘94 in which the only compensation we got was Viennetta ice cream.

It’s a shame as apart from that this is great. All the performers are great, although some aren’t in it enough but that’s probably because there are just SO many of them; not only do we have the cast from Afterlife, but we also have the surviving originals and some new ones we’re introduced to play by James Acaster, Kumail Nanjiani and Emily Alyn Lind. There are about 12 characters, so obviously, its going to be a struggle to juggle them all. Alyn Lind’s character in particular is interesting. I’m not sure if I’m imagining it, but there did seem to be a slightly sapphic undertones to the interactions between her Melody and McKenna Graces Phoebe. I’m not sure whether it was implied intentionally in the script, or whether it’s just the chemistry between the actors, but I did sense it there. As everyone knows, I’m a huge fan of McKenna and what she brings to the table performance-wise, and I want to see more from Alyn Lind, there’s an inherently loveable quality to her. She could easily lead a horror franchise, in the right hands, she could be mentioned in the same breath as Jamie Lee Curtis,

In summary, I love this movie. It’s not quite as good as the previous one, but it’s not a shame to the franchise. This is much better than the 5th (or 4th depending if you take the 2016 as canon) movie in a franchise should be. Few franchises this far in are very rarely this inventive, this fresh, this joyful. I want a lot of these characters and this world. I love it so much.

Godzilla X Kong: The New Empire (2024) Review

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Quick Synopsis: It’s a monster movie, is the plot important?

The Monsterverse movies have been a huge success, the fact they’re big-budget movies that keep getting sequels is proof of that, especially since they’re made by Warner Bros, who have a tendency to cancel films and don’t let silly things like “It’s been completed and early reviews have been very positive” get in the way. But anyway, that’s enough about my bitterness over the Batgirl movie. I have watched all the Monsterverse movies at the cinema and reviewed most of them. But here’s the thing; I can’t remember any of them. I can’t remember any of the characters’ names, can barely remember any of the actors, with one exception (Brian Tyree Henry) I’m genuinely not sure if any of the actors from this film were in the previous ones or if they’re all new. Human characters have never been this franchise’s strong point, especially when compared to Minus One which was released last year.

If you’ve seen both this and Minus One, this can’t compare. The visuals are better, yes, but the story, the characters, the entertainment, just aren’t there in this. As I said, the visuals are great in this, the monsters themselves look fantastic, if not incredibly cartoon-like. The sense of scale is occasionally off though. You don’t know how big they are because there’s nothing recognisable in there to compare it to, just trees, which aren’t great for establishing size because (obviously) they can vary in size. This is a huge problem with Suko, the “Baby Kong”. We only ever see him next to Kong and other similarly sized objects, all of whom tower over him. So in your head, you think “Oh, okay, he’s the size of a child”, then when he enters the fight at the end you find out he’s actually the size of a small building. Would it have killed them to have him near a human character to establish his size?

On the subject of it, the final fight could be better. It’s built up well, and does deliver in terms of titans smashing into each other. But again, it lacks the human aspect. We see buildings demolished in the fight, but there’s no sound from them, nobody screaming. Were the buildings empty or is it just lazy sound design? If they were empty, then surely a shot from the inside of one of the buildings would have been a nice thing to see? These films are impressive for what they manage on their budget, but it feels like creatively the directors are so focused on meeting the budget that they leave zero room for creativity. There are no shots which will linger with you once it’s over. There are “fuck yeah!” shots, shots which look great in trailers and on posters, but nothing that stands the test of time. Think of King Kong, the character. Odds are, you’re imagining him at the top of the tower, fighting off bi-planes (and some heteroplanes, but less than you think they’d be), NOTHING in this entire franchise has ever even attempted to be as iconic. It feels bad to say this considering the sheer amount of effort that has clearly gone into these, but creatively it’s all very lazy.

I’m aware those are very pretentious criticisms and ones which most people won’t give a shit about. Most people go into this for dumb fun, and in that aspect, it does deliver. I mean, it does count on you being able to remember far too many details from previous (forgettable) films. This is definitely spectacle film that deserves to be seen at the cinema. It’s just, dumb spectacle is no excuse for low effort. There is zero reason spectacle has to be stupid. Zero reason for it to have characters you can’t name. Zero reason for it to take no risks. That scene of Mothra is dope as fuck though.

Late Night With The Devil (2023) Review

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Quick Synopsis: Jack Delroy is a television host who courts controversy in the face of falling ratings. On Halloween, 1977, he invites a possessed girl onto the show in this found footage slice of horror gold.

LNWTD is utterly fascinating, from the opening credits all the way through to the closing you are on the edge of your seat, taking in every subtle nuance it throws at you. That’s the opening credits of the fictional television show Night Owls With Jack Delroy. The opening of the film itself? I found it kind of weak. It’s framed as a documentary investigating the original show, but this never comes up again outside of the opening. It’s alluded to that the documentary crew are the ones who uncovered the footage played from the commercial breaks. But that doesn’t really work because the black-and-white footage feels too modern and clean in the way it’s filmed, if anything that footage should be in WORSE condition than the stuff shown on television, it should feel hand-held and rough, like it was secretly filmed and kept in a loft. The documentary isn’t even needed for that to make sense, just have it as unseen stuff that happened. The other issue with the documentary-style opening is it doesn’t say much that’s not told in the film itself. And the stuff that’s not noted in the movie is alluded to or could have easily been said. If you’re a writer and you can’t figure out how to get characters to say information during a talk show, you’ve failed.

Like a portable timepiece that shouts out your sexual fantasies at random intervals; this is a deeply unsettling watch. A lot of effort has been put in to make it feel authentic to the time, from the way it is shot, to the audio cues, all the way through to the word choices. You completely buy into the fact that this is from the time. It’s helped that it’s a found footage movie that has a reason to exist. It doesn’t feel like it’s been edited together afterwards, it feels like someone just happened to record it onto a VHS when it was being shown.

The performances are all fantastic. David Dastmalchian is great as the nervous but genial host with a dark secret. I’ve only ever seen him as a supporting character, never really buying him as a lead, that’s changed. He’s perfect for this, his vocal performance, the way he carries himself, and his facial acting, wouldn’t work with a lesser actor. Personally, I thought the best performer was Ingrid Torelli. Her performance isn’t as good, but she shows more sides to her and is given more to do, I have to mention her now because in a few years, she could break out into something fantastic, and I just want it in writing I was there early.

In summary, if you’re a horror fan, you will love this. It’s a fresh gimmick based on something a lot of people will be familiar with. It’s clever, it’s well-made, and it’s very violent when it needs to be. Importantly, it actually closes. There’s no sequel hook, it’s all very self-contained, but with the possibility of literature to find out more. Definitely not enough to stretch out to a whole new film though. It won’t quite reach horror infamy, but it will be one fans of the genre will talk about.

Mothers’ Instinct (2024) Review

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Quick Synopsis: Housewives Alice and Celine are best friends and neighbours who seem to have it all. However, when a tragic accident shatters the harmony of their lives, guilt, suspicion and paranoia begin to unravel their sisterly bond

Anne Hathaway is quite good, isn’t she? I know that it might come as a shock that a multiple award-winning actress is quite good at this whole “acting” thing, but it must be said. She’s a big part of why Mothers’ Instinct works. She plays Celine as somebody of whom you’re never quite sure of her intentions. She is either a cold-hearted manipulative woman who is trying to gaslight Alice into madness and steal her family, or she’s just a grieving mother who is doing her best to cope with an unimaginable loss? It’s not so much that flits between the two depending on the scene, it’s that at all times she could conceivably be any one of them. I’d be interested in watching it twice again, each time focusing on assuming a different thing.

Actually, that’s a lie, I’m not interested in watching this again. As good as this Mothers’ Instinct is (and it is finely crafted), nothing about it really warrants a second watch. There’s nothing inherently wrong with it, but like a lot of films based around a mystery or possible misunderstanding, once you realise the truth, is there much left to it?

As I said, this was directed by Benoît Delhomme. Obviously not the first time the name “Benoit” has been associated with dead children. Delhomme has a history in cinematography, with this being his directorial debut. He does a really good job. There are some very interesting shot choices, his use of angles to suggest uncertainty is brilliant. It’s a really basic trick, but he utilises it perfectly.

Unlike a lot of thrillers/horrors, the majority of this movie takes place during the day. Lit by natural sunlight, small lamps, and of course, a lot of gaslighting. The original film Duelles took the modern setting of the original book (Derrière la haine) and changed the setting to the ’60s. That time change has been kept in this English language version, and it suits the themes perfectly. There are so many moments that wouldn’t be as effective if it was set in a modern age. It would still work, but it hits more when every character is repressed by the time period they are living in. You don’t need to ask why they’re not doing certain things, because “they’re women in the 60s, and that’s just not done” is there. I listen to a podcast called How To Survive, which deals with how to survive (hey, that’s where they get the title) in certain films, usually horror. I highly doubt they are going to cover this, but if they did, then I imagine it would just come down to a single word: therapy. It’s mentioned that Alice has had issues with mental health in the past, to the point of being briefly institutionalised, but never being allowed to talk about it. Celine is clearly going through some shit and NEEDS someone to talk to. But since her friends are abandoning her because everybody finds it too awkward. At one point, she is flat-out told “You shouldn’t be here, your presence is making everyone sad”. The characters are clearly all broken, which fuels their paranoia and decisions. So in a way, there is no good, there is no evil, and the real villain is trauma. But in another, more accurate way, the villain is the person who killed a bunch of people.

I still can’t figure out why I didn’t love this movie. It had a good story, great performances, and it was very well made. But it never quite warmed its way into my heart. It’s technically brilliant, but colder than a British summer before global warming. It’s a bit like its own main characters; constantly unsure of itself, constantly figuring itself out whilst it waits to find its footing. It’s a very easy film to be impressed by, a very easy film to praise, but it’s a very difficult film to be excited about. That’s its main problem.

Spaceman (2024) Review

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Quick Synopsis: Jakub Prochazka (Adam Sandler) is a Czech astronaut, six months into a space mission and starting to feel the effects of both isolation and the growing emotional distance between him and his wife. Also, there’s a telepathic spider called Hanuš

I have not been kind to Netflix movies lately. In my defence, they haven’t been good. I think 2023 was the first time since I started this site that every film in the “Amazeballs” section at the end of the year was a cinematic release. I can’t remember the last time a Netflix original movie excited me, and then delivered on that promise. Actually, I can, it was Glass Onion. My hopes aren’t that much higher for something that’s not only a Netflix original but also an Adam Sandler film. Don’t get me wrong, Adam Sandler is capable of doing great things. To the point where I don’t actually think it’s as much a surprise as people say it is when he gives a good performance. But his Netflix stuff has seemed to be an excuse for him and his friends to get paid vacations.

Sandler does give a great performance though. As I said, it’s no longer surprising when he does so. What is a surprise, is that his character is supposed to be Czech. We need a Czech actor. It’s not that he gives a bad performance, but it’s like if Michael Sheen played Martin Luther King, no matter how good he is, you can never fully buy into it. The other performers are all good, and it’s impossible for Carey Mulligan to not be great, Paul Dano gives an INCREDIBLE voice performance, to the point where you don’t realise it’s him. Really though, this is a showcase for Sandler. It’s essentially him screaming out “What the fuck do I need to do for you awards fuckers to take me seriously?”, turns out the answer, by the way, is “Don’t work with Kevin James”.

I’ve criticised isolation-based films for focusing too much on flashbacks, and how doing so means the characters don’t actually feel isolated because half of their screen time is spent with people (whatever that Colin Firth one was, Eternals etc). But here the flashbacks are shot in such a way that they are distinct memories, it does something rare in cinema; it makes us genuinely believe that he is remembering those things. The way they’re done, they feel like actual memories rather than long-distance not-instant replay. They’re slightly “off”, they’re shot differently from modern life, and there’s a sense of ethereal otherness to the whole thing.

Gonna give a weird criticism; the spider moves too fluidly. It looks fantastic, but it doesn’t have that slight jerky/hydraulic leg movement that spiders have. The limbs are more like a cat than a spider. Now this could be argued it’s because it’s a space spider, not a land-based one, but still. Jakub also doesn’t seem to respond to Hanuš the way you’d expect. He just kind of backs away, tries to kill it, then comes back and starts talking to it. He doesn’t view it like the horror he would think it is. Spiders are creepy bastards anyway, giant space spiders that can talk? That’s pure horror. Yet it doesn’t ever really feel like he believes that. He treats it more as a mere inconvenience.

In summary, if this was at the cinema I’d say you should probably see it, but because it’s on Netflix? If you have that streaming service, you should definitely watch it. Set aside some time on a Sunday afternoon after dinner, put it on, and then get ready to feel something (not yourself). I should say though, no matter how good it is, it’s never good enough to stop you thinking of the Babylon Zoo song.

Drive-Away Dolls (2024) Review

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Quick Synopsis: In search of a fresh start, two women embark on an impromptu road trip to Tallahassee, Fla. However, things quickly go awry when they cross paths with a group of inept criminals along the way.

I’ve said before how there are some directors who, for some reason or another, I just don’t vibe with. I’m worried that this is the case with the Coen brothers. I should like them, actually, let’s go further, I should be obsessed with their stuff. But Hail, Caesar! left me cold, and DAD gave me the same feeling. Okay, this time it’s only by Ethan as opposed to both of them, but I had similar issues with both films. I felt the narrative promised in the trailer was not focused enough on in the film. The central narratives felt more like an annoying distraction the writer felt they had to reflect on rather than the main focus. The execution just didn’t work for me. It felt too loose and unstructured. There are moments where the film is intercut with random hippy-ish visuals and music. This does come together at the end when we find out the reason for them, but whilst you’re watching it is a bit weird to have all these 60’s visual interludes in a film set in the late 90’s.

That’s my other issue with it, it never FEELS like the ’90s. Except for an unimportant Y2K party, and the mention of gay marriage not being legal in some states, the timeframe the film is set in never really factors into either the plot or (more disappointingly) the design. Considering the fact this is a road movie, and they spend a lot of time in clubs, it’s a massive let-down that the music is so forgettable. I’m not asking for every scene to be soundtracked to third-wave ska, but give me SOMETHING, make it feel like if I was listening to the soundtrack I’d get a sense of 90’s nostalgia; some grunge, some riot grrrl etc. Just something to make us feel the time.

The performances are fine, although I highly doubt that that’s Margaret Qualley’s real voice. Geraldine Viswanathan continues to be great and I love her. The two of them have a very natural chemistry on-screen, which is handy because if they didn’t you wouldn’t buy the way the relationship develops between the two of them. Their characters are a bit off at times, especially Qualley’s Jamie, who at times is kind of unlikeable and selfish, a little emotionally/sexually pushy. It’s a shame, if she was pulled back a bit, her character would actually be kind of sweet.

You’ll notice how I haven’t mentioned the crime aspect of this. That’s because the film doesn’t mention it much. The core focus is on the developing relationship between the two leads. The supporting cast is okay, but none of them really get a chance to shine. Despite boasting a cast consisting of Matt Damon, Pedro Pascal, and indie darling Beanie Feldstein, DAD belongs entirely to Qualley and Viswanathan.

In summary, some people will love this. But personally? I felt kind of bored. Maybe that was on my expectations. I just kind of feel like the movie that was in the trailer, was not the one delivered in the final product except in very brief moments.

2023 Film Awards Day Four: The Everything

On By troubledproductionsIn AwardsLeave a comment

Most Surprising

Puss In Boots: The Last Wish
I expected this to be quite banal. Probably because my memories of the Shrek franchise have been tainted by how bad the sequels were, and the glut of poor imitations consisting of animated characters making pop culture references that date very quickly. So it’s a surprise that this was actually pretty damn decent. It had an actual plot, a genuinely disturbing villain, and a whistled tune which easily rivals the one from The Hunger Games. Not many kids’ films would dare do something based around the inevitability of death, and I doubt many would be able to do it as well as was done here.
Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret
I am fully aware that I am not the target audience for a film like this. And not just because I’m English and the Judy Blume books aren’t really a thing over here. There is a trend for cynical films lately, and if they decided to go that route then it would lead to somewhere terrible; Doncaster, or disaster, probably disaster. Cynicism would ruin this, I was won over by just how utterly charming it is, and if it was aimed at a more cynical audience you would have lost the warmth that makes it unique. I went in expecting to have to add a caveat to a positive review. You know, something like “It’s good for what it is”. But it’s not just good for what it is, it’s just good.
The Creator
This is a case of a film you watch, and then you’re surprised afterwards. You remember the incredible action scenes, the magical special effects, and how it perfectly blended CGI with real footage. You then remember it was done on a minuscule budget, and your head explodes. I can only assume Edwards made a deal with the devil to get this looking as good as it does. That’s the most logical explanation.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem
This could have gotten away with being a bit shit and it still would have had an audience, the Michael Bay feels have proven that. Also, this is aimed at kids, so it could have just been loud noises and stupid characters, the success of Minions has proven that. What it didn’t need to be was quite as weird as it is. It didn’t need to be as original as this was or try to do as much as it does. It would have been so easy for the studio to just do a low-effort piece of shit, keep everything the same, and watch the money. They take real risks with this, the big one being not having the iconic villains from the show in. No Krang or Shredder, they’ve been held off for the inevitable sequel, and I can’t wait.
Barbie
This was in the works for a while. One of the first writers attached to it was Jenny Banks, who has written for Sex And The City and the short-lived sitcom (very short, six episodes) Leap Of Faith, as well as the screenplay for What A Girl Wants. I feel that indicates what kind of film the studio wanted. Something light, fluffy, and kind of disposable. Many years later, after a change of producers, writers, and studio, we have this; one of the most successful films of all time, and it REALLY earns it. The script is razor sharp, with one of the best monologues I’ve ever seen. By the time the trailer came out, people could likely have seen what the final product would be, but when it was announced? Not a damn chance.

Winner

Wonka
Before seeing this, I had seen the trailer multiple times, so I had an idea of what to expect. But I still had a concern that it could end up terrible. Chalamet looked like completely the wrong casting choice, and I was worried that would tank the film. Thankfully, the supporting characters and the INCREDIBLE script mean that when Chalamet isn’t a 9/10, it’s not too bad. Yes, it would have been better if Chalamet wasn’t quite as flat when it comes to singing if he didn’t have the air of someone trying too hard, and if he wasn’t played as basically an idiot. But even with that, the fact that the film itself suffers from the problem of Chalamet, and manages to still be UTTERLY FANTASTIC, says a lot.

Most Disappointing

The Pale Blue Eye
It’s a murder mystery film with Edgar Allen Poe, starring Christian Bale, Timothy Spall, and Toby Jones. It should be incredible. At the very least, it should be memorable. Yet this is nothing. It doesn’t play up the Poe side, he could be replaced by a fictional person and it wouldn’t change the story at all. The mystery isn’t that compelling, and it’s too dull to care about. It’s a shame as the concept is original and you could have had a lot of fun with it by creating something unique and terrifying. Instead, it’s just bland.
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To quote my original review: “Adam Driver fighting dinosaurs should not be as dull as this”. It would be hard to think of how they could have fumbled this more than they actually did. It makes so many mistakes and misses more shots than I do in a penalty shootout. There’s a spacecraft crash early on, one which kills almost every person on board. We’re not introduced to these people in a meaningful way. So when they all die, and I know this sounds harsh, but we don’t care. It seems like such a basic mistake to make, the film had an opportunity to add emotional meaning, yet didn’t. It seems like a low-budget movie at times, like they cut down on cast to minimise costs etc. Yet its budget was £45million, and I’m not sure how.
A Kind Of Kidnapping
Again (or, as I’ll say later, depending on the order I place these), my interest in this was based on being a huge fan of a sitcom written by the creator. This time, it was How Not Live Your Life, which is a real out-of-nowhere piece of greatness. The trailer made me laugh, and got me thinking this would a sharp and hilarious piece of satire. It’s not, it’s satire which doesn’t really have much to say. Beyond “politicians are shit” it has nothing. Watch the trailer, that’s the whole film. There’s no other twists to further the story (Well there is one mid-plot decision made by two of the characters, but it feels kind of ugly and only exists to get a third-act conflict).
Dumb Money
I was really looking forward to this. I thoroughly enjoyed The Big Short and was hoping this would be similar. It’s not. For one thing, it doesn’t explain things to those who don’t know financing and stock market terms like “shorting”, which makes it almost impenetrable for people who don’t know about it already. The editing feels amateur and like it was made for watching in short bursts on TikTok. There’s a really interesting story somewhere in among the muck, but it’s not being told here.
It’s A Wonderful Knife
I like genre mash-ups, especially when it comes to horror movies. It’s why I love Freaky, Happy Death Day, and Totally Killer. But this? It’s kind of dull. It doesn’t make the most of its premise, probably because it puts the main character in more of a passive role, and attempts to explain how it happened using logic that doesn’t really work. Probably not the worst horror film of the year, but definitely the one with the most wasted potential.
Assassin Club
Sometimes action movies surprise you. Usually by either a unique concept, or being incredibly well-made. This at least gives a unique concept. But completely messes up the execution. Every decision it makes in terms of narrative is the wrong one. I may not have expected something on the same level as John Wick or Polite Society, but I expected something that’s at the very least competent, and it couldn’t even reach that.

Winner

Your Place Or Mine
Yeah, this one’s on me. I wanted to watch this purely because of the writer. Aline Brosh McKenna helped write one of my favourite sitcoms of all time. Despite what my somewhat misanthropic nature would make you think, I’m actually genuinely a huge fan of romantic comedies, mainly because they’re a good showcase for writers. You really get to feel how creative a screenwriter is when they can do something where everybody knows the ending, and do it well enough that you enjoy watching it. So I went in expecting a new favourite romcom, instead, I got something that is at best serviceable. It’s probably not helped by the narrative device meaning that we don’t see the two leads physically interact that much.
This can sometimes work, but I’ve only seen it be exceptional once; in the supremely underappreciated TV show Love Soup. This isn’t Love Soup, at best, it’s “I Like You As A Friend” Toast

I Don’t Get It

Asteroid City (RT Score: 75%)
It’s possible I just don’t like Wes Anderson’s style. It feels too fake, there’s nothing for me to cling to. I also find them a bit pretentious. I know some people love them, but they leave me emotionally cold. The only exceptions so far are Fantastic Mr. Fox and Isle Of Dogs. People watch them and they see beautiful visuals and quirky characters, all I see are a bunch of characters speaking unnaturally and lacking individual personalities. Felt the same about French Dispatch.
Dream Scenario (RT Score: 92%)
This is annoying as I wanted to enjoy this. To the point where I even went to a preview showing of it. It’s a great concept, but it’s incredibly unfocused. Is it attacking cancel culture? Memes? The capitalist desire to exploit wonder for adverts? It attempts to talk about all of them and ends up not discussing any of them. I love weird things (probably because I am a weird thing), and Nicholas Cage is entertaining as hell. It looks good and has some really good supporting performances. It’s just, how can I put this in a way that makes sense? The only way I can describe it is like this: it’s like when you’re English and watching an American sitcom and you hear jokes about certain basketball players or shops, you sit there like “I’m sure I’d appreciate that if I got the reference”. 
Dumb Money (RT Score: 84%)
It’s possible I’d like this more if I hadn’t watched The Big Short, but since I have, comparisons between the two are inevitable, and there’s not a single area in which this is preferable. It is a shame, as on its own it’s a 5/10, but in a universe where a better version exists; it’s knocked down severely. Everything in it has been done better, and recently. Even the song choices.
Ferrari (RT Score: 72%)
I just didn’t give a shit about the main character. So when things started going well, I was displeased. I didn’t want him to be happy, I didn’t want him to win. I was actively rooting against him.
Pearl (RT Score: 93%)
Similar to the Asteroid City one, this might just be that I don’t like the directors’ style. Outside of the style, I felt it didn’t have a lot for me to be interested in. The visuals and performances were great, no doubt about that. But I didn’t vibe with the script.

Winner

Thanksgiving (RT Score: 84%)
My feelings about this can basically be summed up as: Too Bleak, Stopped Caring. I didn’t care about these people, and the world they were living in didn’t inspire any need to care.

Well I Liked It

Next Goal Wins (RT Score: 45%)
This isn’t an essential watch, but it is very good. It’s not going to change the world, but I’m not sure it’s supposed to. It’s supposed to just entertain you, and tell a really unique story. It’s also very sweet, with genuine heart. I’m not sure what else audiences were expecting.
The Creator (RT Score: 67%)
That score genuinely baffles me. I’d have thought critics would love this. It’s one of the best-made films I’ve ever seen. Yes, it lacks some personality, but it’s beautiful and stunning. John David Washington gives a great performance. Has a fantastic opening, and says a lot about humanity.

Winner

The Marvels (RT Score: 62%)
Is this the best Marvel film? No, but it is an utter delight. I think part of the low score might be because people are generally tired of the MCU at this point. On it’s own merits, it’s a fun and entertaining watch. Despite what the scores say, there is no way this is a worse film than Black Widow. It’s funnier, has a better story, better dialogue, better performances. The only thing Black Widow has over The Marvels is more skintight costumes. Oh, yeah I just figured out the discrepancy.

Most “Me”

Bottoms
Violent, sexual, and with a personal political point to make. Spoilers, but this isn’t going to end up winning the best film award here, but it is the one I’ve told the most people about. This is all very me, and unlike a lot of films I describe like that, this also has a mass appeal. This pleases me, because it means that despite me not being the target market for it, it does make me feel like there’s a place for me in this world.
Scrapper
A remarkable film and hopefully leads to great things for Lola Campbell and Charlotte Regan. I hope they work together again, but I’m sure even if they don’t then they’re going to do something incredible. They’ve already done something very good. It’s incredibly funny, and the dialogue makes me jealous that I didn’t write it.

Winner

Totally Killer
At this point, even I’ve realised that it’s kind of odd that so many of the films in this category have female leads. Maybe the suspicions people have about me are true. I should probably speak to someone about that. Anyway, back to the point. Totally Killer is essentially Back To The Future as a horror movie. That concept alone is very me, but the execution is damn near perfect. Subversive, smart, and damn entertaining.

Worst Movie

Nominees: Everything here

Winner

Assassin Club
Some of these awards are difficult. So I’m very happy that films like Assassin Club make it easy. Within ten minutes I realised this was a lock for worst film. Not just of the year, but one of the worst I’ve ever seen. It’s diabolical. Nothing about it works. I know opinions are subjective, but if someone I know said they enjoyed this film, I would judge them.

Best Movie

Nominees: Everything here

Winner

Past Lives
This was the most difficult one. For most of the year, Missing was the winner for this. But the more I thought about it the more I graduated towards Past Lives. Missing was great, a fantastic script and amazing performances. But Past Lives was magical. It’s the cinematic equivalent of floating through something ethereal. Even months after I watched it I still occasionally get moments where I flash back to that floating feeling I got watching it.