Quick Synopsis: A reimagined He-Man is drawn into a fractured Eternia to unite rival factions and stop Skeletor’s chaotic rise to power

I’m going to be honest, I wasn’t going to watch this movie. The trailers did their job; I’ll give them that; bright, chaotic, and with a kind of sugary enthusiasm that makes you think, “maybe this will be fun in a post-modern way.”. But I have no nostalgia for He-Man; I probably did watch it at my nan’s when I was a child, I probably even had some toys, but nothing about it fills me with nostalgic warmth. Somewhat cynically, my opinion of the TV show is that it was a 20-minute toy commercial that occasionally got side-tracked by a plot. Which is ridiculous; it was 23 minutes.

Also, it stars Jared Leto. A man who, at this point, feels less like a casting choice and more like an industry-wide dare. You get the sense he only appears in films when someone in a boardroom loses a bet, or when a production needs a controlled demolition of its own box office prospects (a la The Producers). Or, less amusingly, when no one in the room is particularly interested in asking hard questions about certain reputations and behaviour towards women. His casting would have been acceptable if he did his usual “method acting” shtick and insisted on ripping his skin off and actually becoming a skeleton. Sadly, he did not. He also didn’t promote the movie at all once it came out, and he was barely mentioned in any of the marketing I saw. Bit weird.

But I did see it. And I’m glad I did. Master Of The Universe (MOTU, pronounced like the things from the 2014 Godzilla movie) is exactly what it needs to be. It doesn’t try to be profound. It doesn’t try to be ironic in a way that drains the colour out of everything; it adds colour, if anything. It lands in that narrow, difficult space where it can acknowledge the inherent absurdity of “He-Man” as a concept without sneering at it. Yes, it pokes fun at itself: it knows the name is ridiculous, it knows the world is ridiculous, but it does so with a kind of sincerity that feels oddly disarming. There’s warmth here. Proper warmth. The sort that suggests someone, somewhere actually liked the thing they were adapting (weird, I know). More importantly, there’s hope, and there’s not enough of that in modern cinema

It’s also full of actors who understood the assignment. Nicholas Galitzine continues to be so impressive that sooner or later I will remember how to spell his surname (considering in my review tags I’ve spelt his name two different ways in my time on this site, that’s easier said than done). Camila Mendes is badass, and Idris Elba does what Idris Elba always does: arrive, dominate, leave a lasting impression. Leto is a bit weak, but I think that’s down to the writing. Skeletor is a badly written character. Again, I will refer to Airplane! That movie featured an airplane (hey, that’s why it’s called that; I never made that connection before) nearly crashing because the pilots fall ill due to food poisoning. It’s a comedy, but the situation itself is serious. Can you imagine if the main conflict in that movie was about the passengers trying to find a lost shoe? It wouldn’t work. And that’s why Skeletor sucks. He’s not a threat; he’s like a meat sandwich in an office meeting: an overly hammy distraction. His character isn’t taking the situation seriously, so why would the audience? He’s too busy making stupid jokes or theatrical flourishes to be a threat, so every second he’s onscreen robs the film of any sense that it’s a story worth paying attention to.

Other than that, MOTU is a lot of fun. The music is surprisingly effective, especially when it leans into the main theme, which is deployed with a confidence that borders on triumphant. There’s even just the right amount of Queen sprinkled in: not enough to feel like a middle-aged man going through his vinyl collection, but enough to remind you that yes, this is a film that knows exactly what kind of ridiculous it is. It even handles meme culture better than expected. The “What’s Up” nod is there, acknowledged with a light touch, the kind that won’t alienate anyone who isn’t already terminally online. The same can’t be said of the Dolph Lundgren cameo, which does everything it can to tell the audience “this is a reference!”. I genuinely had no idea there was an 80’s He-Man movie (it’s possible I did, but I assumed anything I knew about it was actually about the Flash Gordon movie), but as soon as I saw that cameo, I knew there was, and I knew he was in it. It has all the subtlety of a headbutt, and is just as likely to cause brain damage.

MOTU is (at the moment) a box office bomb. That’s a shame, especially when Scary Movie is doing so well and is nowhere near as good. It’s probably failing because it hasn’t reached an audience outside of “Middle-aged men who remember the cartoon”, there’s been no attempt at crossover appeal. Plus, the fact it made a “He/Man” pronoun joke in the trailer means the internet now hates it for being “woke”. Which has led to people who spend 8 hours a day complaining about how “you can’t make jokes anymore, people are too easily offended” spending another 8 hours a day complaining about a joke in a movie trailer, and then the other 8 hours attempting and failing to learn the definition of irony (it’s when you’ve ironed your shirt enough that it’s noticeable, but not enough that you completely the job, so it’s not fully ironed). This movie deserves better. It’s one of the most joyful times I’ve spent in a cinema that hasn’t involved [redacted], [redacted], or [continue to redact. Oh my god, we’re still redacting; there’s so much here, this is diabolical]. It’s fun. It’s bright. It’s oddly sincere in a way that sneaks up on you. And in a cinema landscape increasingly allergic to joy unless it’s attached to an existing multiverse spreadsheet, that alone feels worth something.

It may not be around for long, so if you’re even slightly curious, catch it while you can. Worst-case scenario, you get a couple of hours in the dark away from the football. Plus, remember: cinemas do have air conditioning. So why not spend your time sitting in a dark, cool room being entertained.

That came out wrong.