2010’s In Film Day 9 (2019+2020)

Something a bit different today. I’ll be doing the end of year roundup at the end of the month. I’ll also be doing the end of year awards too, as such I’m going to talk about the films I saw in 2019 quite a lot in the next few weeks. So if I talk about them here then I feel that will be too much repetition in a short time. So I’ve decided to approach this differently, I’m going to talk about films I didn’t see, whether my missing it was intentional, and whether I’m going to see them at any point. Because I feel that might be a short blog, I’m also adding films from 2020 that I’m looking forward to. Enjoy.

January

2019 – The Favourite

This won SOO many plaudits and awards, and that’s why I didn’t watch it. I felt if I came out and didn’t like it, and then publicly said so, a lot of people will think less of me. I probably will like it, and I will watch it at some point when I don’t have to review it, but I felt like I didn’t want to be the only person who disliked a popular film (oddly enough, I felt fine disliking Once Upon A Time In Hollywood).

2020 – 1917

Damn this is a tough month. There is SO much good stuff. Uncut Gems, David Copperfield, A Beautiful Day In This Neighbourhood, The Lighthouse. It’s a packed schedule, most of which probably won’t be shown at my local cinema because reasons. This is the film I’m most intrigued by though. I was going to avoid it because I’m so bored with war films. Then I heard this was presented like it was one long shot, and I was instantly sold. I like to reward creativity in cinema, so I have to see this.

February

2019 – Boy Erased

A film about a gay teen being forced to undergo conversion therapy. The only reason I didn’t see this is because it wasn’t shown at my local cinema. Very annoyed by that and I will watch it at some point. I thought I had seen it but then realised I watched the OTHER really bleak and depressing Lucas Hedges film.

2020 – Sonic

Will it be shit? Will it be okay? Will it be great? It will definitely be one of the first two, but either way it’s going to be a lot of fun to write about.

March

2019 – Dumbo

Unlike Boy Erased, the cinema did play this, a lot. I purposely avoided it. I don’t really remember too much from the original Dumbo, I remember enough to make weird references to it, but not enough to feel an emotional connection to it. So I had no desire to watch a live-action version. Plus, live-action Disney remakes are something I’m trying to avoid on principle, on the principle they’re unoriginal and stifling creativity in cinema.

2020 – A Quiet Place Part 2

I’m really interested to see whether this will fuck up my love for the first one. I’m hoping it won’t and I am genuinely interested to see where they go with it. It does seem to have quite a few flashbacks too, which could be nice.

April

2019 – Puppet Master: The Littlest Reich

I didn’t see this because I didn’t know it existed. I wish I did and watched it now as I get a feeling my review would have been a lot of fun to write. It looks like it’s either going to be schlocky fun, or just terrible. Either way, would have been fun to write about.

2020 – The New Mutants*

That has a star next to it because, let’s face it, it’s probably going to get delayed again. Film in 2017 and not released until now, which is always a good sign for a movie. It can’t be worse than Dark Phoenix though, can it?

May

2019 – Aladdin

Again, purposely avoided this one. I sometimes feel like the only person who didn’t really care about the animated Aladdin movie (or The Lion King for that matter), so I definitely wasn’t going to see a live-action one. I saw a section from it where Will Smith sings the Prince Ali song, and it just made me more determined to not watch this film. It was too visually slow. I maintain they should have had a film crew with more experience in Bollywood cinema, even if it was only just for that scene, to give it the vibrancy and life that it needed. It just seems so plodding and dull.

2020 – Artemis Fowl

I fear this. I love the books and all indications show they haven’t really paid attention to them. For one thing, they’ve got Commander Root played by Judi Dench. Now I LOVE Judi Dench, but it ruins one of the story arcs from the book which is that Holly Short is the first female LEPrecon officer, if Root has already been there then it ruins not only that arc, but also their dynamic. I will admit though, the director is the right choice, as is Josh Gad as Mulch Diggums.

June

2019 – In FabricA

Didn’t even know this film existed until I was looking through the launchingfilms.com page for films released in 2019. I’ll share with you the synopsis: IN FABRIC is a horror-comedy in which an enchanted dress wreaks havoc on the lives of those who wear it. Why do I not already own this on DVD? I now have to see this at some point.

2020 – Candyman

It’s Candyman written by Jordan Peele, you damn right I’m going to see this.

July

2019 – The Lion King

Wait, that was this year too? Damn Disney with the remakes. This film came out about 6 months ago now, it had Beyonce in it, yet I haven’t heard anybody talk about it. The live-action version has made no impact on popular culture.

2020 – Morbius

This seems like a vampire horror movie set in the MCU. I am all for that. The MCU needs to get more diverse and have different genres. It has been unable to do that until now because all the films needed to be linked, you needed to watch them all to fully get Endgame. Hopefully, now that’s finished they can be separate and they can take more risks.

August

2019 – Playmobil

Again, this could have been a vitriolic masterpiece review. But I would have felt a bit weird being the only childless adult in the cinema watching this. Plus at this point I realised I really needed to stop watching bad films, I had seen enough (this was after Dark Phoenix and Hellboy, but before Wolf, so it was going to get worse).

2020 – Bill And Ted Face The Music

I need this. I need this so much. I loved the first two movies and I really hope this lives up to the hype.

September

2019 – Ready Or Not

Now, this annoyed me. It came out just after the worst film I’ve ever seen, a film that was so bad it put me off cinema for a short while. As such I missed the REALLY brief window that this film was at the cinema. Shame as it looked good, and I’ve heard great things about it. Who knows, maybe if I saw at the cinema I would have realised it wasn’t actually Margot Robbie in it.

2020 – The King’s Man

I’m curious about this. A lot of the fun about spy movies are futuristic gadgets, so I’m curious how this is going to work. The trailer didn’t leave me as excited as it should have done. I have faith though, it could be amazing. No matter what, I’m looking forward to it.

October

2019 – Gemini Man

Hahahaha yeah I wasn’t going to see this. It looked stupid, and not fun enough to make up for it. My favourite thing about this film? The poster for it had the cast at the top, which was just Will Smith. But to show that he was playing two roles (well, three) they had his name twice. So it was “Will Smith Will Smith”, which is a grammatically correct sentence enquiring whether Smith can will someone else called Smith to do something

2020 – Death On The Nile

A surprisingly packed month really. You’ve got this, the Halloween sequel, and the remake of The Witches. This is the one I want most though, I loved Murder On The Orient Express. I loved the direction, I loved the performance, so I REALLY want more, and I’m so glad it’s happening.

November

2019 – Last Christmas

I was going to see this, then I had a realisation that I think I knew the ending. I looked it up and it turned out I was right. That instantly turned my feelings on the film from “warm christmas feeling” to outright cynicism.

2020 – Godzilla Vs. Kong

Mainly as I’m not entirely sure how this is going to work. The last Godzilla movie made him really overpowered, so I’m not entirely sure how they’re going to make Kong his equal. Interested to find out.

December

2019 – Cats

This is the only film I’ve heard of that required a day one patch. If the studio doesn’t care about quality, then I don’t give a shit about watching it. And it wasn’t just “small ironing out of issues”, it was this:

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That is unforgivable. There is no excuse for releasing the film in that state.

2020 – Coming 2 America

I’m going to need to rewatch the first film before this, but it could be weird. The only film that beats out Bill And Ted for “sequel in 2020 we’ve been waiting the longest for”. I get the feeling people will either love this, or it will bomb HARD. Either way, I’m keeping my eyes peeled for a trailer.

The 5 Best Film-Based Video Games

Happy Friday The 13th everyone! Now like all of you I’ll be celebrating this most holy of days by killing horny teenagers near a lake somewhere (lake, puddle, it’s all the same). But other people celebrate it differently. Since the days of Jesus fighting a Pterodactyl in the Roman Colosseum, some people have watched some of the Friday The 13th films on this day. So it makes logical sense that I should take advantage, celebrate this by blogging about it. But I’ve never seen any of the films so instead I’m going to talk about video game adaptations of films, because there was once a video game adaptation of the film, and do I need another reason?

5. Goldeneye

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Let’s get the obvious one out of the way. This is the first game everybody talks about when they talk of truly great video games. There’s not a word missing there, that should be “video games based on films”, that’s how good this game is. At the time I’d never watched a James Bond film, and even now I’ve seen one I still think he’s a prick, he’s a sociopathic monster who probably has so many STD’s that he should pretty much change his name to Mydia, Chlamydia. But despite that, I still love this game. It has not aged well however, but that’s mainly because of the lot of the things we found innovative in the game are now standard. Before this game it was normal for weapons and ammo etc just to be laying around, this made ammo collecting logical: you could only pick up what had been dropped by people you killed. Yes, there were a few bits of ammo laying around, but your main source of it was the people you killed. Then there’s the multiplayer. There are two types of people who played video games in the 90’s. Those who spent hours shooting their friends in the head in multiplayer and obeying the “no oddjobs” rule, and liars! Dirty stinking liars!

4. Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy

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This game comes from a different time, whereas modern games help the player, sometimes with tutorials, sometimes with guidance during the game, and sometimes with just skipping parts of it if you find it too difficult. Gaming is now focused on enjoyment, making the player have fun (with a few notable exceptions). It wasn’t always the case, however. Some video games used to make you wonder what you had done to piss off the creators. The biggest genre for this were text adventure games. Games which by their nature were quite annoying: you could spend hours trying to talk to a character before you work out the exact phrasing needed (for example: “Talk to person” wouldn’t be accepted, but “converse with person” would). This game is fiendishly difficult, but also very funny. It will make you laugh, scream in anguish, and then hate yourself, a bit like having sex with a clown. I’m not exaggerating by the way, the game is available here if you don’t believe me.

3. Aladdin

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Oh, should have mentioned, I am not doing these in any particular order, otherwise there’s no way this would be higher than Goldeneye. But it is very very good. A 2D side scrolling platformer that stands out on a console which it seemed like almost every other game was a platform game. I don’t think people can appreciate how hard it must have been for a platform game to stand out in the early 90’s. You were competing against Mario and Sonic at their peaks. The Mario games had some of the best level design in video game history, easing you into an unforgiving game with innovative gameplay that filled you with wonder, whilst Sonic went “vroom” and moved quickly. So for a game to stand out it must be truly great, and this is. I would talk about why, but I already did it here so anything I’d say would just be repeating myself. So because anything I say would be repeating myself, and I don’t like repeating myself I won’t say anything more, because I don’t like repeating myself.

2. Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World

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Because rarely has a video game of a film been so faithful in tone to the film. Anybody who has played video game versions of films and television shows know that the games can play fast and loose with the themes of the film. For example: there’s a Doctor Who game where you play as the famous pacifist, and go around shooting and killing everyone. In Scarface, crime totally pays, and the Fight Club game has Fred Durst. This game doesn’t suffer from that. It’s a throwback game based on a film which loves 80’s video games. It’s not just the film it uses for inspiration, the graphic novel has a scene where two characters get beaten at the same time and an achievement pops up, if you recreate this in the game, the same achievement pops up. It’s little touches like that which are missing from a lot of games.

 

1. Alien Isolation.

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This game is terrifying, it makes the Alien scary again, which it should be. It should be a fearful beast, it shouldn’t be something you can handle with a few shots from a pistol. This game makes you fear it, and that’s wonderful. You know how highly regarded this game is? It put faith back into the franchise after Colonial Marines, a game so bad someone attempted to sue the makers, and won. Whereas that game had you running around shooting aliens by the hundreds (and just made them into another enemy), this game only has the one alien, and you can’t kill it, all you can do is hide and survive. This is the survival horror game the latest generation has been waiting for. I am in no way saying that the genre is not good anymore, just that it’s mainly indie developers doing it now, you don’t have many major releases anymore (I mean, P.T got cancelled for f*cks sake), most of the franchises people used to turn to for the genre have now changed into more action games, so it’s good to see a game where you’re completely helpless, a game where (contrary to video game logic) exploration and discovery will probably kill you.

 

So yeah, that’s it. Hope you enjoyed it, and Fuck You Konami

Top 10 Super Nintendo Games (Part 1)

Welcome, welcome, welcome. It’s getting to the end of the year so it’s time for lists. But it’s not close enough to end where we can’t do a “best of the year” list, so decided on this. The title pretty much says everything I need to, if you’re still uncertain what this list is, you’re not my target audience. Only 3 rules:

  1. They have to be on the SNES (obvious, but if I didn’t mention it….)
  2. One from each series if direct sequels.
  3. I have to have played them. Now this is the most restrictive one, and means I’m missing out on Zelda, Castlevania, Metroid and Final Fantasy. I know, I’m a terrible person but I wasn’t into those kind of games when I was that age and now they’re not easy to find.

10 Lemmings

lemmings_us_box_artThis was the last one I put on the list. Originally I put NBA Jam to take this spot. Mainly because I forgot this game existed for a while. Even once I remembered I had this I didn’t add it to the list because I mainly associated it with PC gaming. And then I remembered exactly why I brought Lemmings 2 on PC back in the day; it was because I hired out the original for SNES from a video game shop back in the day. So it gets on the list based solely on the fact it introduced me to a whole new area of gaming. It taught me gaming isn’t about speed or reactions, it was about thinking, about looking at a complex situation and figuring out exactly what tools you needed to solve it. This path has led me to games like Portal etc so is personally a very important game for me.

9 Aladdin

I know, movie licensed game before Goldeneye made them acceptable, but hear me out. This game is actually good. Odd fact for this; this game was available on the Super Nintendo and Mega Drive, but both games were different. Virgin Games (makers of Earthworm Jim and other fine games) had the disney license for video games, but Capcom had the license for Disney video games on Nintendo consoles. Very weird situation that would be unthinkable today but it led to two different, both very good games.

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And it looks BEAUTIFUL

8 Earthworm Jim

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See, I told you this was a fine game. Now, this game is weird, very very weird. It’s a tale as old as time itself, an earthworm finds a super suit and tries to save Princess Whats-Her-Name who is sadly crushed by a flying cow. Yeah, it’s a strange one, but it’s also fun, and actually funny.

7 Mario Is Missing

A lot of people dislike this game. And I can see why. It’s a mario game whemario is missingre you can’t kill mushrooms by jumping on them, and it’s educational. But for some reason I like it, I have warm memories of playing this as a child. Particularly the fact that the villains plan involves melting the polar ice caps with hundreds of hair dryers. And you controlled Luigi. And I liked Luigi. For some reason I preferred sidekicks to main characters. Not just Luigi, I preferred Tails to Sonic, always found Sonic and arrogant prick, and always felt Luigi was underappreciated. Even in Super Mario World when you beat a castle with Luigi the in-game text thanked Mario. Luigi gets no respect.

6 Street Fighter 2 Turbo

street fighterI imagine most of you know this game, so I don’t need to say much about it. This is one game where multiplayer is key. Beating the computer is fun and all, but not quite as fun as slapping your friend in the face as E.Honda. And it taught
us an important lesson, whether you’re Japanese or not, all good people are white.

 

So, that’s that, and part 2 will be next week. In the meantime, keep watching the skies! Oh wait, that’s not my sign off. Buy me cake! That’s better.