Category: Review

The First Omen (2024) Review

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Quick Synopsis: Church’s be crazy, y’all

Arkasha Stevenson is one hell of a director. TFO is a spectacularly directed feature, which is even more astounding considering it’s her debut. She has a hell of a legacy to tackle, kind of. The Omen is the first horror movie I remember scaring me, but not the first I watched. In fact, I’m not even sure it was the actual film, it might have just been a parody someone did on a British comedy show (it feels very Vic Reeves), but the image of Damian knocking his mother over the balcony is chilling, and it’s not just me who thinks so. The first Omen (as in, the original 1976 movie, not the one I’m currently reviewing) is a horror classic, the sequels and the remake? Not so much. The original is full of moments which have been referenced and parodied, the third one does have a cool moment where someone blows their head off in front of a touring school group which is cool, but it otherwise hasn’t touched public consciousness in the same way. Stevenson has the chance to do something incredible but also has the pressure of attempting to match the original. Her task is made harder by two things: 1) it is a prequel. Prequels are notoriously difficult to get right, especially for horror movies as everybody knows the villain survives, so where is the tension? 2) She’s a woman. A female-directed horror movie gets judged much more harshly than a male one. Every mistake is scrutinized, any strong female characters, or villainous male ones, are “evidence of wokeness, I mean, a woman existing? Woke!”

So it’s a pleasant surprise that reviewers have actually been kind to this. After watching, it’s easy to see why. This is a surprisingly solid horror movie. Its biggest flaws are the inevitable comparisons to both the original 1976 movie, and to the recently released Immaculate. Thankfully, the comparisons to the original don’t happen too often. It does have a character from the OG Omen as a main character, but it crucially never puts THAT character in danger. It has enough characters to throw into peril to keep you second-guessing whether they survive. It does have enough twists and turns to keep you on your toes, but one of them, the most important one, is set up TOO well, to the point where experienced film watchers are likely to have guessed it before they’re told, mainly because it’s the only way certain things make sense.

The script is pretty damn good. It actually gives a reason as to why the church is supporting the rise of Satan. Crucially, a lot of the scares aren’t just jump scares, some truly grotesque and Cronenbergian images will linger like a Cranberries song, but not as enjoyable. The childbirth scene, in particular, is horrific and is a scene that could only be done by a female director. Stevenson’s talent lies in having a female lead in a horror movie, but not making her seem like a victim, or sexualising any of the horror. When Nell Tiger Free’s Margaret is writhing around, lesser directors would have filmed it in such a way that it would resemble low-budget porn, in this it’s clear that Margaret is SUFFERING. That’s not just the directing though, Nell Tiger Free is one hell of a performer. She’s surrounded by experienced performers; Ralph Ineson, Bill Nighy etc, but Nell is the best of the lot.

I mentioned earlier that there aren’t many jump scares, but the best scare I can remember IS of the jumping variety. It’s such a simple one too, her saying “It’s not real” repeatedly, then a disembodied voice cutting in with “what’s not real?”. It’s a rare jump scare, of the almost entirely audio variety. But it’s so damn unexpected and chilling that it will fuck you up a little bit. It’s probably my favourite scare since the Eternal Darkness Bathtub scene. It could be better, it settles back down too quickly, but not quickly enough for it to be shocking. It doesn’t have enough time to really settle before it’s moved on. It’s still phenomenal but not quite perfect.

In summary, I highly recommend this. It’s not incredible, but it’s a lot better than it could be. It’s artful and confident, and I’m excited to see what Stevenson can do when she’s not shackled by the constraints of franchise rules. The “It’s all for you” moment in particular feels like it would be a much better scene without that reference. The weakest part of the movie is the most obvious allusion to what happens next; the ending where it’s revealed the child has been given to Robert Thorn and named Damian. It’s supposed to be a dramatic ending, but it’s a bit pointless. We know the child has been given to Thorn, and everybody in the audience knows what happens next. His being called Damien isn’t important. Nobody was sitting there thinking “Wait, is that baby the kid from the first movie?”. It’s not as though the film was going to end with the reveal that this is ANOTHER demon child that was given to the Thorn family after killing their child and doing a swap.

Also, the use/updating of Ave Satani doesn’t really work, which is a shame as that’s in my top five horror movie themes.

Late Night With The Devil (2023) Review

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Quick Synopsis: Jack Delroy is a television host who courts controversy in the face of falling ratings. On Halloween, 1977, he invites a possessed girl onto the show in this found footage slice of horror gold.

LNWTD is utterly fascinating, from the opening credits all the way through to the closing you are on the edge of your seat, taking in every subtle nuance it throws at you. That’s the opening credits of the fictional television show Night Owls With Jack Delroy. The opening of the film itself? I found it kind of weak. It’s framed as a documentary investigating the original show, but this never comes up again outside of the opening. It’s alluded to that the documentary crew are the ones who uncovered the footage played from the commercial breaks. But that doesn’t really work because the black-and-white footage feels too modern and clean in the way it’s filmed, if anything that footage should be in WORSE condition than the stuff shown on television, it should feel hand-held and rough, like it was secretly filmed and kept in a loft. The documentary isn’t even needed for that to make sense, just have it as unseen stuff that happened. The other issue with the documentary-style opening is it doesn’t say much that’s not told in the film itself. And the stuff that’s not noted in the movie is alluded to or could have easily been said. If you’re a writer and you can’t figure out how to get characters to say information during a talk show, you’ve failed.

Like a portable timepiece that shouts out your sexual fantasies at random intervals; this is a deeply unsettling watch. A lot of effort has been put in to make it feel authentic to the time, from the way it is shot, to the audio cues, all the way through to the word choices. You completely buy into the fact that this is from the time. It’s helped that it’s a found footage movie that has a reason to exist. It doesn’t feel like it’s been edited together afterwards, it feels like someone just happened to record it onto a VHS when it was being shown.

The performances are all fantastic. David Dastmalchian is great as the nervous but genial host with a dark secret. I’ve only ever seen him as a supporting character, never really buying him as a lead, that’s changed. He’s perfect for this, his vocal performance, the way he carries himself, and his facial acting, wouldn’t work with a lesser actor. Personally, I thought the best performer was Ingrid Torelli. Her performance isn’t as good, but she shows more sides to her and is given more to do, I have to mention her now because in a few years, she could break out into something fantastic, and I just want it in writing I was there early.

In summary, if you’re a horror fan, you will love this. It’s a fresh gimmick based on something a lot of people will be familiar with. It’s clever, it’s well-made, and it’s very violent when it needs to be. Importantly, it actually closes. There’s no sequel hook, it’s all very self-contained, but with the possibility of literature to find out more. Definitely not enough to stretch out to a whole new film though. It won’t quite reach horror infamy, but it will be one fans of the genre will talk about.

Immaculate (2024) Review

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Quick Synopsis: A naive nun joins a remote convent in Italy, discovering they’re harbouring a dark secret.

I have three horror reviews to write this week: this, Late Night With The Devil, and The First Omen. I was going to review Late Night With The Devil (LNWTD, pronounced La-new-ted) first, it’s the most critically acclaimed of the three, and I have the strongest opinions regarding it. But after seeing seeing Immaculate I have to do this first. Not because my feelings towards it are particularly strong, or because I have anything important to say. I’m just not sure how I can put this and The First Omen reviews next to each other, I haven’t seen TFO (Tee-foe) yet, but there is a definite worry that they will be treading similar grounds, and I don’t want to repeat myself. Plus, if I think of any jokes after posting this, I can just use them in the TFO review. The upside of repetition in cinema.

Now onto Immaculate itself. It’s received a lot of praise, particularly for Sydney Sweeney’s performance. I’m not entirely sure I agree. The final third, she is superb, a cinematic slice of delicious cheesecake. But for most of it? She appears kind of bored. Like I said, the final third where she has the hardest stuff to do, she’s great at. But the standard conversations with others? Doesn’t feel real, with one exception. Her interactions with Sister Gwen (played by Benetta Porcaroli) are incredibly sweet and I wish I could see more of them. Sadly, Gwen is killed relatively early on. Her body is discovered in the closing section and this is filmed like it’s supposed to be a surprise. Not entirely sure it is though. The last time we saw her she was being tortured, and then she didn’t appear again for (in film time) about 6 months, obviously she’s dead. It would be a bigger shock if she wasn’t.

There is a distinct lack of surprise in Immaculate. You can pretty much plot what’s going to happen based on the synopsis, all the twists and turns are more like slight veers to the left to the left. Sorry, went a bit Beyonce there. The final third is batshit insane and I am all for it, but the lead there just isn’t that exciting. The people you expect to be shits turnout to be shits, turns out there is a massive conspiracy where the church is impregnating young nuns without their knowledge. Which is a bit stupid when you think about it, there must be millions of women who would willingly consent to that, so going after unwilling ones just seems like you’re setting yourself up to be the villain. I kind of wish that the blood they used for the procedure turned out to not be from Christ at all. There’s not a single moment where there’s any doubt that that is his blood. That’s a lot of faith. Biblical relics are not that well preserved and catalogued. There are 21 churches which claim to have the foreskin of Jesus, and that means at least 20 of them are wrong or lying unless he had 21 penises (which I think they would have mentioned in the book, but it would have meant they’d have to change the title from The Bible to The 21 Dicked Man, which won’t sell as well). So the odds that they would have the correct artifact are quite low. I do like that the film discusses how their methods are more likely to create the antichrist (and it’s implied that is what happens). But the scene where they discuss that does have someone say “If this is not the will of God, why does he not stop us?” and this is treated (even by TVTropes) as a “gotcha”. So if God allows something, this means he supports it? I think the residents of Germany in the late 1930s would have a few fucking things to say about that. As would the residents of cities hit by tsunamis and earthquakes, and people who had to watch Madame Web.

As I said, the final third is superb, and it has one of the strongest closing scenes I’ve seen since Knives Out. It’s a slow slog to get there, but it is overall worth it. This won’t end up being my favourite film of the year, not even close, but it is one I will tell people to watch if they are fans of the genre. It’s very low on jump scares, relying more on tension and atmosphere. It’s directly brilliantly (with some pretty good music choices), and I’m glad to see the horror is mostly from humanity rather than demons (which usually results in scares which are just “thing jumps at the screen but it turns out to not be real”). I do want to see a sweet friendship-based road trip dramedy starring Sydney Sweeney and Benetta Procaroli though, they bounce off each other very well and it would be a shame to waste that chemistry.

Spaceman (2024) Review

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Quick Synopsis: Jakub Prochazka (Adam Sandler) is a Czech astronaut, six months into a space mission and starting to feel the effects of both isolation and the growing emotional distance between him and his wife. Also, there’s a telepathic spider called Hanuš

I have not been kind to Netflix movies lately. In my defence, they haven’t been good. I think 2023 was the first time since I started this site that every film in the “Amazeballs” section at the end of the year was a cinematic release. I can’t remember the last time a Netflix original movie excited me, and then delivered on that promise. Actually, I can, it was Glass Onion. My hopes aren’t that much higher for something that’s not only a Netflix original but also an Adam Sandler film. Don’t get me wrong, Adam Sandler is capable of doing great things. To the point where I don’t actually think it’s as much a surprise as people say it is when he gives a good performance. But his Netflix stuff has seemed to be an excuse for him and his friends to get paid vacations.

Sandler does give a great performance though. As I said, it’s no longer surprising when he does so. What is a surprise, is that his character is supposed to be Czech. We need a Czech actor. It’s not that he gives a bad performance, but it’s like if Michael Sheen played Martin Luther King, no matter how good he is, you can never fully buy into it. The other performers are all good, and it’s impossible for Carey Mulligan to not be great, Paul Dano gives an INCREDIBLE voice performance, to the point where you don’t realise it’s him. Really though, this is a showcase for Sandler. It’s essentially him screaming out “What the fuck do I need to do for you awards fuckers to take me seriously?”, turns out the answer, by the way, is “Don’t work with Kevin James”.

I’ve criticised isolation-based films for focusing too much on flashbacks, and how doing so means the characters don’t actually feel isolated because half of their screen time is spent with people (whatever that Colin Firth one was, Eternals etc). But here the flashbacks are shot in such a way that they are distinct memories, it does something rare in cinema; it makes us genuinely believe that he is remembering those things. The way they’re done, they feel like actual memories rather than long-distance not-instant replay. They’re slightly “off”, they’re shot differently from modern life, and there’s a sense of ethereal otherness to the whole thing.

Gonna give a weird criticism; the spider moves too fluidly. It looks fantastic, but it doesn’t have that slight jerky/hydraulic leg movement that spiders have. The limbs are more like a cat than a spider. Now this could be argued it’s because it’s a space spider, not a land-based one, but still. Jakub also doesn’t seem to respond to Hanuš the way you’d expect. He just kind of backs away, tries to kill it, then comes back and starts talking to it. He doesn’t view it like the horror he would think it is. Spiders are creepy bastards anyway, giant space spiders that can talk? That’s pure horror. Yet it doesn’t ever really feel like he believes that. He treats it more as a mere inconvenience.

In summary, if this was at the cinema I’d say you should probably see it, but because it’s on Netflix? If you have that streaming service, you should definitely watch it. Set aside some time on a Sunday afternoon after dinner, put it on, and then get ready to feel something (not yourself). I should say though, no matter how good it is, it’s never good enough to stop you thinking of the Babylon Zoo song.

Monster (2023) Review

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Quick Synopsis: A single mother demands answers from a school teacher when her son begins acting strangely. 

I went into this knowing the quick synopsis, and that’s it. So I had certain expectations; I thought it would be an intense drama about a mother getting to the bottom of her child being abused by a teacher at school, and the school’s indifference towards it. And for the first section of Monster, that’s what it is. Saori Mugino, played by Sakura Ando, is a fiery tour de force during its section, so it’s easy to see why that character (and performer) was chosen to lead this story. Then it suddenly flashes back, and we’re put in the shoes of the abusive teacher Hori (Eita Nagayama). Tonally, it’s here that the film shifts more than a pervert in a porno theatre (as opposed to the non-perverts who sit there and admire the cinematography. Which is the normal thing to do when watching porn, obviously). It takes some time to adjust to this. Honestly, the film could do a better job of this moment. It takes a while for the audience to acclimate to the fact that it’s now a flashback and they’re seeing something new. So you’re not really spotting things that you probably should be. That’s a shame as it pulls this trick again later in the film. So that’s three perspectives tying into each other, with recurrences that are very important for the audience to notice. So the fact that the audience is sitting there trying to work out where they are means they’re not connecting dots that they should. It’s a shame, as something as simple as a more coherent establishing shot or a title card would greatly improve it.

Once you do realise what the film is doing, it’s a damn fantastic watch. What you may think is a tale of abuse, turns out to be one of a crush between classmates. Unlike a lot of romantic sub-plots, this one feels not only earned, but desired. Once you realise what’s happening, you want them to end up together, you want them to admit their feelings to themselves and to others. It’s weird, looking back on it, this is essentially a mystery movie, but a nice one. The mystery isn’t about a murder or a disappearance, it’s about explaining behaviour. In a world where films start off innocent and then get darker, it’s nice that for once something comes out that’s the other way around. Genuinely heartwarming, not everybody will like it, but those who are into it will REALLY be into it. A bit like feet.

Drive-Away Dolls (2024) Review

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Quick Synopsis: In search of a fresh start, two women embark on an impromptu road trip to Tallahassee, Fla. However, things quickly go awry when they cross paths with a group of inept criminals along the way.

I’ve said before how there are some directors who, for some reason or another, I just don’t vibe with. I’m worried that this is the case with the Coen brothers. I should like them, actually, let’s go further, I should be obsessed with their stuff. But Hail, Caesar! left me cold, and DAD gave me the same feeling. Okay, this time it’s only by Ethan as opposed to both of them, but I had similar issues with both films. I felt the narrative promised in the trailer was not focused enough on in the film. The central narratives felt more like an annoying distraction the writer felt they had to reflect on rather than the main focus. The execution just didn’t work for me. It felt too loose and unstructured. There are moments where the film is intercut with random hippy-ish visuals and music. This does come together at the end when we find out the reason for them, but whilst you’re watching it is a bit weird to have all these 60’s visual interludes in a film set in the late 90’s.

That’s my other issue with it, it never FEELS like the ’90s. Except for an unimportant Y2K party, and the mention of gay marriage not being legal in some states, the timeframe the film is set in never really factors into either the plot or (more disappointingly) the design. Considering the fact this is a road movie, and they spend a lot of time in clubs, it’s a massive let-down that the music is so forgettable. I’m not asking for every scene to be soundtracked to third-wave ska, but give me SOMETHING, make it feel like if I was listening to the soundtrack I’d get a sense of 90’s nostalgia; some grunge, some riot grrrl etc. Just something to make us feel the time.

The performances are fine, although I highly doubt that that’s Margaret Qualley’s real voice. Geraldine Viswanathan continues to be great and I love her. The two of them have a very natural chemistry on-screen, which is handy because if they didn’t you wouldn’t buy the way the relationship develops between the two of them. Their characters are a bit off at times, especially Qualley’s Jamie, who at times is kind of unlikeable and selfish, a little emotionally/sexually pushy. It’s a shame, if she was pulled back a bit, her character would actually be kind of sweet.

You’ll notice how I haven’t mentioned the crime aspect of this. That’s because the film doesn’t mention it much. The core focus is on the developing relationship between the two leads. The supporting cast is okay, but none of them really get a chance to shine. Despite boasting a cast consisting of Matt Damon, Pedro Pascal, and indie darling Beanie Feldstein, DAD belongs entirely to Qualley and Viswanathan.

In summary, some people will love this. But personally? I felt kind of bored. Maybe that was on my expectations. I just kind of feel like the movie that was in the trailer, was not the one delivered in the final product except in very brief moments.

The Iron Claw (2023) Review

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Synopsis: The triumph and tragedy of the Von Erich brothers, a wrestling family based in Texas during the 70’s and 80’s.

I’m gonna be honest with you guys, girls, both and neither, this film would have had to be TERRIBLE for me not to like it. I watched a documentary about the Von Erichs a few years ago so I knew the tragedy was perfect for a movie. That foreknowledge also meant that what happened was not a surprise. I’m not sure what would be the most devastating way to watch this. If you went in completely blind then you might think “Oh, that moment was very sad. Time to see how the family recovers from this. Wait, now THIS?” and find yourself relentlessly overcome by the constant slew of depressing events, a bit like watching the news in [insert current year]. But is being aware of what’s coming any better? Watching with the knowledge of what’s going to happen is a bit like watching a train slowly fall on an unknowing family having a picnic. You can see something terrible will happen, but you can’t do anything to stop it.

The worst part about this? The reality is actually sadder. There’s another brother who passed away that the film doesn’t show. Imagine that, having so much bad shit happen to your family a two-hour film isn’t enough to fit it all in. There are some other moments where it plays a bit loose with reality. Nothing major, it’s mainly about the chronology of events. A lot of things are made to look like they happened closer to each other than they actually did, creating a false sense of connection to some of them, implying that some events were the direct cause of the tragedies, even when in reality there were years between them. For most people watching, this won’t cause any issues, but for those who know what actually happened, it can be a bit frustrating to watch, but not enough to stop you from enjoying it.

A few wrestling fans might have issues with the cast not really looking much like the people they’re portraying. It’s true, in photos you can’t really see the resemblance. But the way that each actor captures the essence of their character is perfect. With one exception. I try to shy away from bad performances from actors I don’t know, particularly with those who don’t even have a Wikipedia page. It can feel a bit like bullying, and you never know if they might see it and feel discouraged. If you’re a name actor and your performance is shit? Yes, I’ll call you out on your performance, but I do try to be a bit kinder to unknowns. I’m about to break that rule for Aaron Dean Eisenberg. His portrayal of Ric Flair is shocking, and unrecognisable as the character. Ric Flair has a very distinctive vocal cadence, and Eisenberg doesn’t even approach it. At best he sees the correct cadence in the distance and then heads in the opposite direction to buy cheese, walking right past a warehouse that’s currently holding acting workshops. It’s distractingly bad and is the weakest part of a truly great film.

I think everybody should see this film, it’s genuinely fantastic. It will break you, and when you think it’s finished, will break you again. It’s so well done too. There’s a scene set in the afterlife which risks coming off cheesy, especially in such a grounded film. But it REALLY works here, with even the surviving Von Erich coming out in support of it. I’m glad he liked it, as he wasn’t actually involved in production so if he wasn’t a fan of the finished result it would mean the whole thing comes off slightly exploitative. The reaction from most people in the industry, and from family members, has been mostly positive. There’s been a few people who have said it made the father, Fritz Von Erich, look like a dick. I mean, nobody will come out of this thinking he was a good person, but considering it only implied instead of flat-out stating that when he forced his son to give a press conference after a coma it was whilst the son had brain damage, and it doesn’t contain a moment where he drunkenly tells his only surviving son “The only reason you’re still alive is because you’re not man enough to kill yourself like your brothers did”, I’d argue that Fritz The Twat actually got off pretty light.

In summary; watch this film. But FFS pick something nice to treat yourself to afterwards. I’ve watched two holocaust-based movies this year, but they didn’t quite hit home like this did. I think it’s because the holocaust is SO large that it’s hard to truly comprehend. Whereas the themes of The Iron Claw; toxic masculinity, burnout etc. They’re all ones that we see every day all around us, and they’re ones which some people actually still defend as push as good things. So it’s heartbreaking to see the natural ending of a lot of those vices. It’s not something that happens to other people, it’s something we can see happening to all of us. So it has a natural sense of empathy to the way you watch it. Only, you know, it’s empathy with spandex tights and fake fights.

2023 Film Awards Day Three: The Genre

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Funniest

Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret
Yes, it’s sweet and very wholesome. But what I mainly remember is how endearingly funny it is. Whilst the situations aren’t universal, the feelings behind them are, and the comedic ways the characters react to them are far too relatable.
Barbie
God bless the weirdness. From the first time I saw the trailer I knew I was going to laugh a lot, and the film itself didn’t let me down on that front. There are different types of jokes too, some innuendo that wouldn’t be out of place in a Carry On film, some absurd stupidity, and some that just hit way too close to home for me to be comfortable with.
Champions
A film with this much emphasis on special needs could have gone SOOOOOO wrong. But it works here. Crucially, it doesn’t make them the butt of the joke but also doesn’t feel overly condescending either.
Joy Ride
It features a scene with a light-up vagina, and a series of scenes of them accidentally injuring a sports team with sex. It’s filthy, and it’s fucking funny.
Scrapper
I went into this completely blind, and it won me over with heart and humour. The character of Georgie is wise beyond her years, but not in a pretentious way that makes you dislike her. She’s street-smart and quick-witted. From the moment she gets caught stealing a bike and blags her way out of it by saying “I was just checking your bike was safe, it isn’t by the way” the tone is set.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem
It’s a little bit too reference-heavy, with pop-culture references flying by thick and fast. But it is mostly very funny. It’s helped by the main characters being voiced by actual teenagers, so their dynamic feels genuine. It’s a chaotic humour that suits the animation style. The dialogue feels like a bunch of teens just talking shit. The character of April has her moments too, including a vomit scene which is so over the top it goes past gross into hilarious.
The Blackening
I love a good comedy horror, in fact, as my love for Bride Of Chucky proves, they don’t even have to be good. The Blackening is good though. It knows the audience has certain expectations when it comes to black people in horror movies, and it plays with those tropes brilliantly.
Totally Killer
“Just think, maybe if she did blowjobs she’d still be alive today”
“Yeah, let’s NOT make that the lesson”
God damn, I loved the dialogue in this, the way it plays with time travel tropes, the way it points out how 80s parents at times didn’t really seem to care if their kids were alive or not.
Wonka
If you liked the Paddington movies, you’ll enjoy this. There’s a similar sense of playful weirdness which provides. It’s helped by a great ensemble cast, all bringing the weirdness, the funny, and the funk.

Winner

Bottoms
Again, a film that’s batshit insane. The final fight in particular is a masterclass of WTF black comedy. What would just be a standard football scene in most films (or at most, a quick fight) is a massacre, decapitations, explosions etc. There’s a line that comedy films have to be careful not to cross, Bottoms crosses that line multiple times and then snorts it. All the characters get jokes too. PJ and Josie are the leads, but the background characters get their chances to shine too. Personally, I loved Hazel and her sarcasm blindness.

Saddest

Aftersun
On the surface, not that sad. But when you get the subtext, when you get what’s NOT being said, it will break you.
All Quiet On The Western Front
Does a great job of showing just how futile individual effort is in a large-scale war. How you can die and it can mean absolutely nothing.
Talk To Me
Horror is a useful genre for exploring certain topics. Talk To Me explores grief and guilt, and does so perfectly. It blends together horror and sadness in some truly beautiful moments. The attempted suicide, in particular, is a mix of “Holy shit” and “please no” and is more effective than films with bigger budgets and more gore.
The Flash
Most of the film is not great. But the moment where he is essentially saying goodbye to his dead mother is heartbreaking. It is EXACTLY how I would have done it, and if the rest of the film had this much care put into it, then it would have been one of the best of the year.
The Night Of The 12th
Just knowing that you can be brutally murdered and not know why, the killer never being caught etc. It’s horrific. Murder mysteries tend to end with the murder being solved, this is depressingly realistic.

Winner

The Whale
God damn this is bleak. Much like The Wrestler (which is a great watch if you haven’t seen it), a tale of someone haunted by demons who hides himself away out of shame, which in turn alienates him from his family. They even end similarly, with a presumed but not confirmed death.

Scariest/Best Horror

Godzilla: Minus One
The big G is smaller here than in most iterations, you’d think that would make him less intimidating, but nope. His smaller size now means that he is aware of humans, and he’s not a fan (although can you blame him? What other species has invented atomic bombs, date rape, and the 2019 film Cats?). So you can’t just walk around him, if he sees you, he’s going to kill you.
Guardians Of The Galaxy Volume 3
The main villain is incredibly disturbing. There’s not enough of him in the finished product, but when he’s on-screen he’s utterly despicable and could easily work in an R-rated horror.
Holy Spider
The idea that people like Saeed Azimi actually existed, and in the modern world, is terrifying. It’s horrific how men like that don’t just exist, but seemingly thrive in some parts of the world. It would be nice if this ended with him and jail and the threat over. Whilst he is dead, it’s clear his son still thinks of him as a hero and is likely to carry on his mission. The patriarchy sucks.
M3gan
They’ve got a franchise here, and I think they know it. Reminded me of the last Childs Play movie, but with less violence. If the franchise continues though, it HAS to improve and go further. Plus it has some GREAT kills.
Piggy
Damn, people are dicks. Especially to overweight women. The sheer callousness displayed in how they treat her is uncomfortably true and will resonate with anybody who has weight issues.
Puss In Boots: The Last Wish
I’m surprised to see this here too. But it’s a kid film which fits in tales of existential angst, which I always find terrifying. Plus, it has a fantastic audio cue.
Saw X
Genuinely disturbing, and a surprisingly solid addition to the franchise. It’s as good as almost anything the Saw movies have given us. The traps are brutal and fun but do feel a bit unfair. We’re also given one of the most despicable and inhuman villains in horror history.
Scream 6
The ending was pitiful, but some of the deaths in this are brutal. The opening is nihilistic as hell and one of the best openings to a Scream movie in quite some time. It’s a shame that this could be the last good one as the seventh looks like it’s going to be a trainwreck.

Winner

The Blackening
The relationship between race and horror movies is well known, there’s a great documentary on the subject called Horror Noire: A History Of Black Horror. Films like Get Out have approached it from a serious side, so it’s about time someone took it in a comedic slant. The Blackening could not have been made 10 years ago. Racism is now politically acceptable, with politicians debating whether “This woman makes me hate all black people. I hope she gets shot” is racist or not. It’s in a “we’re not racist, many of my employees are Asian” world where films like The Blackening are needed. It kills it as both a horror and a comedy.

Wicked Little Letters (2023) Review

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Quick Synopsis: When the residents of Littlehampton start receiving letters filled with obscenities and hilarious profanity, Rose, a rambunctious Irish immigrant, is accused of the crime.

This is the fourth time I’ve written this introduction. The first time I mainly spoke about how the trailer was misleading and the final film isn’t as hashtag girlboss as you’d think. But I couldn’t go into that any further without spoiling the plot. My second attempt mainly focused on how Olivia Colman is undefinable, how you never know what you’re going to get from her, is it going to be an intense award-winning drama, or something sweary and British? That ran out of steam when I (and this is genuinely true) every path I took led to a punchline where I talked about how I suspect a beloved comedic actor shows hallmarks of being an abusive piece of shit. My third attempt wasn’t a review but was in fact a recipe for tomato soup. That was thrown out because I ran out of croutons.

So how do I discuss this without giving too much away? I can start by pointing out the most important thing; this film is filthy. If you have an elderly relative who is thinking of going because “I loved her in that thing where she played the Queen, she seems such a nice lady”, warn them. I haven’t seen swearing like this since The Thick Of It, and just like TTOI, it’s done beautifully. There is an art to swearing. If it’s done wrong it can come off gratuitous and immature (see, well pretty much any Tarantino movie), but when it’s done well then it can provide sentences with an artistic rhythm which flows beautifully (think of the scene from Planes, Trains, and Automobiles). This is more of the second, with the “shits”, “cumbags” and “piss” flowing like a British river.

The story is one you want to see unfold. The timing of the reveal of the letter writer is perfect. If it was any sooner it wouldn’t feel earned, and if it was later it would feel like the mystery was too small to justify waiting that long. The mystery is possibly the weakest part, there are not enough potential suspects to drive the suspense. But the aftermath of the reveal is very good. It moves into more of a caper, the police trying to prove their suspicions, the suspect proving their innocence, and the guilty party being racked with guilt. It gives everybody involved more to do and is genuinely quite tense because you’re unsure whether the person will get away with it.

None of that would matter if it wasn’t for the performances. Jessie Buckley and Olivia Colman have tremendous chemistry and I’d like to see them do more together; I would legit love a buddy cop movie. Anjana Vasan is a ball of energy and made me really want to see a second series of We Are Lady Parts. Joanna Scanlan is a lot of fun too. I wish some of the background characters had more to do though, there are inklings of personality for a lot of one-shot characters, and I’d have liked to have seen more of them.

Overall, Wicked Little Letters (or WLL, pronounced Woo-lil) doesn’t quite feel big enough to earn a cinema release, but it’s one you will be very glad you watched. Maybe don’t put it on over Christmas with the folks, but watch it when you need to laugh.

Bob Marley: One Love (2024) Review

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Quick Synopsis: Bob Marley once existed. Here’s what happened.

Biopics of musicians are always difficult to pull off in a way that will satisfy everybody. What’s the thing most people know about musicians? What? No, not their penis size, that’s weird. The answer is their music. You go into a film about a musician, and you expect to hear music (Unless you’re watching Stardust, the movie about David Bowie where the makers didn’t license ANY David Bowie music). So I think my enjoyment of Bob Marley: One Love (or BMOL, pronounced, well there’s no other way to say this; Bum’ole) was limited by the fact that I don’t actually know that many Bob Marley songs. I only know about five or so. If I were a fan, then I imagine I would have enjoyed seeing the songs come together, from a single bassline, then gradually more and more elements added until it becomes the song we all know in some kind of improvisational mix of jazz, reggae, and singing which people in the people in business call Jeggings. Okay, they don’t, but I just wanted to get that jeggings joke in there. Not worth it really was it?

But for those who aren’t familiar with the music, all they’re seeing is a song they sort of recognise. I’m not sure how much there is in this film to draw in non-Marley fans. It pains me to say this, but his life doesn’t have THAT moment to anchor the narrative around, which really hurts the film. It doesn’t feel like it’s building towards anything or is about anything in particular, stuff just happens, and then more stuff happens. I would have liked to have seen more about the gig he was shot at etc, more about his political side and what inspired it.

Some people had issues with understanding what was being said. I sort of did, but I don’t mind it. A look of the dialogue is in Jamaican Patois, and I’d much rather have that authenticity than the fakeness of just doing the accent whilst speaking full English.

Onto the positives, there are times when you do forget you’re watching an actor play Bob Marley. In reality, Kingsley Ben-Adir looks nothing like Bob, but when you watch him perform and hear him speak, you believe. When you see footage of the real Marley at the end you’re like “Oh yeah, we haven’t actually been watching him”. The other performances are fine, but none of the background characters are really built up enough to come close.

In summary, it’s a good film. It’s an interesting film. It’s also incredibly unfocused and feels like it was made for the sake of being made. Worth a watch if you can catch it though.