Author: troubledproductions

2016 In Film (Part Three: The Good)

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Films I like but don’t love. One’s that I won’t rush out to buy, but if I saw them at a good price I’d feel compelled to get them.

the-5th-wave
I actually liked this film. Okay, the “romance” moments were really bad but the rest of the film was good. The destruction scenes were very well done and really showcased the horror that’s going on. There’s very little “implied” deaths here, they’re shown, and shown in detail. For example; during a scene where an earthquake induced tsunami where the wave washes through a building, rather than just show it from the outside, or show people getting knocked down, the wave actually knocks someone off a balcony and they land (painfully) on a rail below. The plot itself was really tight as well, it held together beautifully and I’m genuinely invested in the characters and want to see what happens next. A mix of both terribly cliche teen bullshit, and REALLY strong plotting.
The Accountant
Aflecks best film of the year (although that’s not saying much).
Bridge Of Spies
I expected to be really bored by this. But the plot, and the performances, were strong enough to keep me emotionally invested in the story. I loved it.
Carol
A lovely film, seemed to come straight from the 70’s. Very disappointed it wasn’t nominated for Best Picture and Best Director at Academy Awards, it fully deserved it. I also found it kind of weird that Rooney Mara got nominated for Best Supporting Actress considering she was one of the leads. It’s like the academy doesn’t want to admit that a film can have more than one female lead. And in a year where Jennifer Lawrence got nominated for the “oh yeah I forgot that film existed” Joy, it’s not as though there was lots of very strong competition to keep her out, okay she would have still ended up losing to Brie Larson from Room, but still.
Creed
A film that almost made people forget about the last few Rocky movies. It does follow a few of the same story beats as the original, but it’s done so well that you don’t really care. Possibly the best boxing film of the year (and one that reminds me I forgot to put Bleed For This in the “bad” blog so I’ll just quickly mention it here; the important car crash from the trailer? Doesn’t happen until over the halfway mark, it’s horrifically paced, we see the main character lose a fight, train and make a comeback, win that fight, THEN get in the car crash. Cut the first fight and would improve it immensely). But back to this film; it was basically a remake of an iconic film, featuring a black character as the lead, yet the internet didn’t shit on it, THAT’S how good this film was, even racists like it, and they usually only like burning crosses on lawns, drinking beer, and being terrible people.
Had a lot working against it, film adaptations of television shows very rarely work, neither do remakes, and this is both. I went into this with low expectations but it was very enjoyable, funny enough and enjoyable, very entertaining.
Eddie The Eagle
The kind of film you put on at christmas when you’ve got family round and need something funny and innocent whilst you stuff your face full of celebrations and pringles. Very very funny, and not just “slight chortle to self” laugh, but “full on laugh out loud” laughs.
Eye In The Sky
Pretty much a bottle episode, starts off very tense and maintains the tense nature throughout the entire film, which is very hard to do. A worthy last film for Alan Rickman.
Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them
This was very close to being put in the “meh”, it doesn’t have enough “wow” moments, moments where you truly embrace the magic of the moment, just kind of ordinary. Elevated into “good” by the performance of Dan Fogler and his characters romantic sub-plot, which really works. Is sweet and heartwarming, one of the rare examples of a romantic sub-plot really elevating a film. I think that might be because he’s the only non-magical main character in the film, so he’s our point of reference, he’s the one we identify with.
Florence Foster Jenkins
Some reviewers complained this film was uneven, saying the audience was unsure whether we should be mocking or sympathising with the main character. That’s a strength to me though, the fact that we can do both. She was clearly delusional, but her delusion came from a place of warmth and honesty so we could easily sympathise with her. The fact that the audience can laugh at this character, yet also feel her pain throughout, is testament to both the script and Meryl Streep’s performance (I know, Streep gives a good performance, what a surprise, right?)
Again, went in with low expectations yet really liked this film. Can be best defined as a horror film aimed at pre-teens. Not scary enough for adults, but entertaining enough to justify its existence.
Grimsby
Very close to being in the “Meh”, but Mark Strong’s performance just about pushes it into this one. Funny, disgusting and full of obvious inaccuracies, it’s basically South Park without politics.
Keanu
It’s an action comedy about two people stealing a cat from gangsters, and it features Anna Farris playing a drugged up Anna Farris, this was either going to be awful or charming and funny, luckily it manages the second one. Very sweet and very funny.
Ridiculous plotting, stupid characters, and coincidences that even JK Rowling would consider “a bit much”, yet bombastic enough that it kind of works. Plus Radcliffe seems to be having the time of his life.
Great songs, and a film which could teach Zoolander 2 a thing or two about how to do celebrity cameos; do it to enhance the film, keep the focus on your characters, not on the celebs.
Race
Obvious oscar bait, but a remarkable story that’s very well told. Also Jason Sudeikis gives a career best performance, one scene in particular stands out as fantastic, where he’s in a locker room as a football team shouts at him, he’s ignoring them and continues talking to his athletes about how all the yelling is “just noise” and doesn’t matter.
Secrets in their eyes
A film that nobody really talks about, which is a shame as it was very good. Yes it was a remake, but it’s very well made and has a great story. Plus it’s the first film where I’ve truly understood why people like Julia Roberts.
Storks
Expected it to be terrible, yet was actually quite funny. Not the greatest plot but very charming. Plus it has a fight scene where all the characters are trying to not make any noise so they don’t wake a sleeping baby, which was one of my favourite scenes of the year, was hilarious.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot
Worth seeing, even if only to hear Martin Freeman call someone a “cunt” in a Scottish accent.
The Witch
Very very scary. But not enough iconic scenes/shots. And maybe it would have been better if there wasn’t actually a witch so it would have been about puritanical paranoia, as it is their paranoia was justified, I feel it would have been a stronger film if it wasn’t a witch that destroyed them, but was their own religious beliefs that did so instead.

2016 In Film (Part 2: The Meh)

On By troubledproductionsIn Year round upLeave a comment

The qualifier for this is somewhat more complicated than the previous one. These aren’t necessarily bad films, just films that I don’t need to see again. If they’re on netflix and I can’t sleep I might consider them, but I will never buy them or go out of my way to see them. Now this will be when it gets contentious, there’s definitely two I can see a lot of people disagreeing with, and I get why.

10 Cloverfield Lane

I was really disappointed by this, when the trailer came out I was really excited for this, it just came out of nowhere and I loved the original so I was as excited as a vampire at a blood drive. But then I saw it and my excitement dried up quicker than you can say “wow, this film is deeply deeply flawed in many ways The ending doesn’t really work at all. Which is a shame as the first two acts are really strong, it’s like a small independent film, but then it all goes weird in the closing section, and is all the poorer for it. It’s like two different films welded clumsily together, after a tense housebound thriller it becomes generic alien invasion. I haven’t seen a genre shift this severe since Life Is Beautiful”, which doesn’t seem very short, but compared to the length of the film it is.

Batman Vs. Superman

Not bad, but deeply deeply deeply deeply flawed. The trouble with Zack Snyder is he can’t make his own shots, he can make a shot based on a scene from a comic book look gorgeous, but the second he has to make compose his own shot it all falls apart. Also this film is long, very very long, and it doesn’t really hold your attention that much. The acting in it is mostly great (one or two exceptions), Ben Afleck in particular made a fantastic Batman. There was a lot of worry about whether he could pull it off, but the second the trailer came out and we saw him running INTO a collapsing building we knew he’d be perfect, he just looked so perfect for it. Just a shame he was a great Batman in a mediocre film.

Central Intelligence

Funny, but not quite funny enough, and spends too long playing catch up to its own trailer. Plus, Kevin Hart is rather annoying in it.

The Conjuring 2

Have a review of this already over here. So to summarise; If you like horror (or are interested in film-making) then see this film, but it won’t change your mind if you don’t like the genre.

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Said it before and I’ll say it again, this girl is amazing in this film though

The Danish Girl

Far far too English for a Danish film. Personally I would have preferred it if it was a subtitled Danish film, as it is there’s very little Danish about it, if you were only paying small attention to it then you’d have assumed it was set in England. Alicia Vikander continues being just fantastic, I didn’t think she could top her performance in Ex Machina, but here she manages it. If I saw this film later in the year it would have stood a good change of being in the “Good” blog, as it is, I’ve had time to think about it, and in reality it is kind of meh.

Don’t Breathe

I get why people like this, I really do, it just didn’t really do anything for me. I think it’s because I found the main characters too annoying and insufferable that I didn’t care when bad things happened to them. Also there were so many moments which only happened because the characters were holding the idiot ball and refused to let go.

Ghostbusters

Deeply deeply flawed in many ways. Melissa McCarthy has far too many moments when she’s speaking scientifically and you can tell she has no idea what she’s saying and it’s really off-putting. Now I’m not expecting her to know a lot of science, but she can at least act she does. When you’re watching Scrubs or House they don’t know what they’re saying, but that thought never occurs to you because of the way they deliver their lines. Now I know McCarthy can act, she was fantastic in St. Vincent, so maybe the issue here is that the director didn’t push her enough to get a good performance out of her. It’s not just her performance in this film that bothers me, Kate McKinnon needed to be reigned in slightly. Her character was very funny and loveable in the trailer, but stretched over the entire film it just felt a bit too much, sometimes less is more and with a character like that it’s definitely the case, if they just took two or three scenes of her out, it would have improved it a lot. Two other problems, one of which I won’t mention now as I’ll be bringing it up in my Jungle Book mention, but the other one is far more obvious and damaging; there is zero sense of tension. Even when things are at their worst you never think “oh no, how will they ever get out of this?”. As such it’s hard to get emotionally involved in the film. Although despite all of that, I almost put this in the “good” blog. Know why? Yes it’s flawed, yes it has plot problems, yes the script is a mess, but when I left the cinema I didn’t think of any of that, I was smiling and I was very happy, I was entertained. And really that’s all I needed. It wasn’t my greatest moment of the year, but in the then and now, it entertained me.

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No, not them. Never them.

Hail, Caesar!

A bit too film studenty for my liking, like you can tell there were lots of film buffs watching it and appreciating the in-jokes. But it was very well made.

The Infiltrator

Good, not great, and Cranston deserves better.

Jason Bourne

It loses some points for not using the phrase “Bourne again” in any of the marketing. I mean, come on, the pun is right there! So this film in particular? It’s okay, it has it’s moments but it doesn’t really do anything that the previous ones didn’t do.

Joy

Doesn’t really seem big enough for the cast, truth be told it seems like a made for TV movie. It has two excellent moments and one ok moment which aren’t enough for a film like this. It seems almost like a companion piece for Serena, whereas that was Autumn, this is Winter, which sadly means there’s still two more of these things left.

The Jungle Book

What I say here is also true for Ghostbusters: this film can’t stand on it’s own merits. It has too many obvious references to the original to do so. As such it can’t carve its own legacy as it seems aware of the shadow it’s in. When you’re watching it you’re constantly thinking of the other version, and you should never be doing that during a film. Admittedly, the bit where Christopher Walken voices a giant singing orang-utan is odd enough to distract you (it’s at that point where the comparisons to Ghostbusters end).

Midnight Special

I know what it was trying to do, and I appreciate it, it just personally didn’t do enough to hold my interest.

Mike And Dave Need Wedding Dates

Quite funny, but it comes close to giving a very important moral which I’ve never seen in film before, only to back out at the last second. The lesson by the way: you’re not obligated to be into someone even if they’re nice, it’s okay to not be attracted to them. It comes close to teaching this lesson, but then pulls away at the last moment.

Morgan

Not bad, just kind of bland. And it seems a lot worse if you’ve seen the British film The Machine, which takes everything this film does well, and does it better.

Nerve

Not quite as unsettling as the trailer promised it would be. I expected something akin to an episode of Black Mirror, instead I got a standard teen film, albeit one with bright colours.

Other Side Of The Door

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Moments of pure brilliance but it’s bogged down by the rest. The director really understand silence, there’s moments where you hear absolutely nothing for about 10 seconds, no music or anything, and it’s brilliant for creating tension as it puts your nerves on edge. More films should do this, most of them just use music cues to tell you when you should be scared so this should be admired for doing something different, but then it does the “quiet, quiet LOUD JUMP SCARE” thing and you’re just disappointed. It’s the same visually as well, there’s some really fantastic shots (if anybody reading this is interested in the visual style of horror and wants to direct, watch this film and you’re guaranteed to see a few shots you want to steal), but then there’s some cliche stuff which lets it down. This KEEPS happening, and it’s annoying. It happens in the script as well. On the one side there’s periods of dullness and cliche bullshit. But then you have moments which break from convention, particularly in two moments:

  1. The main characters didn’t do the whole “no, i’m denying this obvious thing is happening” thing that happens so often, she immediately thought “well, i heard my dead sons voice behind a door, was warned awful things would happen if i opened it, i opened it, awful things are happening. It’s my son causing it”
  2. The ghosts etc made sense. So often in horror films the villains are pretty much just “we are here to break stuff and  be evil”, but in this film they had clear motivations and desires. It was obvious what they wanted and they did have an endgame.

Pete’s Dragon

A good journey, albeit one which spends far too long dicking about looking for the car keys before actually deciding to head off (which is a pretentious annoying way of saying it takes too long to get going). Probably the children’s film I enjoyed least this year, but that says more about how great the other films were than how bad this one is. The harshest thing you can say about this is that it’s bland.

Sausage Party

Funny, but had a few pacing issues that let it own, and isn’t as clever as it thinks it is. Seemed more like a series of sketches than a full blown film.

The Secret Life Of Pets

Thoroughly ok. The closing shot was beautiful. It’s one of the great things about animation is that you can occasionally get absolutely gorgeous visuals, but apart from the closing shot it never really does that. In fact it doesn’t look great throughout, the animals just look ok, and the humans in it look like they’re made of twigs. The story is serviceable and does what it needs to, but I don’t feel I need to see it again. It’s biggest flaw isn’t the fault of the film, it’s just circumstance. A lot of times studios release films which (judging by poster alone) look very similar. Has happened a lot before: Antz/A Bugs Life, Finding Nemo/Sharks Tale etc. This films competitor? Zootropolis. For this film to come anywhere close to that would be difficult.

The Shallows

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I commend this film for the fact that the events of it actually have consequences, it permanently changes the main character, and that’s something which doesn’t happen enough in film. Blake Lively is very very good in it, but is let down by a bland script and directing which doesn’t do the events of the film justice.

Suicide Squad

I feel a good editor could make this film twice as good. I summed it up best earlier in the year: If you go cinema a lot, go see it. If you only go to the cinema a few times a year, and going is a true event, then don’t make this one of your visits.

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War Dogs

Was disappointed with this, things I knew were jokes never really hit home. This film really hits home the importance of directing, this film is directed like an action film, as such the laughs don’t really land.

2016 In Film (Part 1: The bad)

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Okay the title is over simplifying it a lot. These are just films I didn’t like, some aren’t necessarily bad, but were more a victim of hype. There’s going to be a few (and I can guess which ones) which a lot of people will disagree with, but taste is subjective so here goes, if you disagree, let us know with which ones. Oh, and there’s plenty of spoilers so, be wary of that. In alphabetical order because, well how the darn else would I do it?

The 33

Disappointed with this as I think it’s a story that needs to be told, and the story itself is really compelling, it’s just the way it’s told which lets it down. Kind of boring and bland, and the biggest flaw is you don’t feel for the characters so you don’t really care either way what happens to them. I remember this event happening, people were hooked to the news eagerly awaiting each person as they came up, the euphoria felt around the globe is something I had never felt before, and I don’t think have since, this was a breaking news story with a happy ending. A film of that needs to capture the tone of the outside world, as horrible as that sounds it’s true, the reaction to the event turned it into something else, and that’s what’s lacking from this film, context in a wider world. You either do that or you go completely the other way and make the entire thing set in the mine, never showing outside so that we feel the claustrophobia, this film tries for a middle ground between the two and as such doesn’t achieve what it could.

Absolutely Fabulous

This suffers from what I call “Extras Syndrome”. Anybody remember Extras? It was Ricky Gervais’s next show after The Office and its main “gimmick” was that it had a celebrity cameo in every episode. As such people weren’t talking about the episodes, they talked about the cameos, they overshadowed the actual stories. That’s my problem with this film, it has so many cameos that it overshadows the film, maybe I’d like the film more if I had ever watched the series, but a good film adaptation of a television series also needs to appeal to people who haven’t watched the show, and this doesn’t do that.

American Pastoral

My main issue with this film was how uneven it was, subtle as a brick in parts, annoyingly vague in others. Scenes end when they should continue, and continue when they should end so overall the whole thing doesn’t seem to flow that well. Ewan McGregor does have moments of brilliance in his directing, but they’re let down by times where his inexperience shows, maybe this was too big a film for his first attempt. I think in a few years time he will direct a film which I will truly love, but this isn’t it. The scene which shows that is the scene where one of the main characters bombs a post office. That scene should be the highlight of the film, it should seem big, it should resonate with the audience, shock and wow them. It doesn’t do that, it just kind of happens and that’s that, you feel nothing in the immediate aftermath, you don’t feel the shock that the community does. On the plus side; Jennifer Connelly is amazing in this, as is Dakota Fanning.

Blair Witch

It’s pretty much a step by step remake of the first one, only with more of a nodding wink to the audience and with a higher budget. It seems to overestimate how important the original one was. Yes, it  was very important at the time, but that time was 17 years ago, they’ll be people seeing this who were still babies when the original came out, there’s a whole new generation of horror fans who have been raised on different films (albeit, films which have been heavily influenced by the original). If this film came out in the mid 2000s then it would have been a lot better as it would have seemed more natural, as it is it just seems a bit pointless. It doesn’t seem to add or explain anything about the mythos, it just makes a bigger mess of it. I understand wanting the audience to ask questions when they leave the cinema, but they should want to ask questions, they shouldn’t need to, it shouldn’t be essential to understand the film, the film should stand out on its own. Side note; the worst horror movie ending ever? The Devil Inside. A 2012 horror film which ends with a title card telling you to go on the website to find out more. F that.

The Boss

Otherwise known as “Melissa McCarthy calls a woman a cunt then punches her daughter in the face”

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Comedy!

David Brent: Life On The Road

An odd film, funny in parts but it seems strange in the way it handles the main character. All through the film he’s shown to be a delusional person who annoys everybody. Logically this film should end with him realising the error of his ways and changing accordingly, maybe stop being such a dick to everybody. But nope, this ends with everyone else changing for him, and saying “he’s not that bad really”, “I quite like him actually”, and he the character doesn’t do anything to deserve this, they all just suddenly decide they like him now it’s reached the end of the film. I actually feel a lot of sympathy for the supposed antagonist of the film, all through the film he’s shown as someone who’s just trying to get on with his job but the main character keeps getting in the way and making so much noise he can’t do it, and when the guy finally snaps and says “look, just shut the fuck up”, we’re supposed to be angry at him, instead of just “yeah, that makes sense, he should have done that earlier”.

The Forest

I really wanted to like this film, I love seeing horror films at the cinema and this was the first one I’d seen this year, and the trailers made it look interesting. Here’s pretty much every single scare in the film: weird shit, a dead looking thing is far away, then appears close to camera. then the character wakes up. After the fourth or fifth time this happens you just start to think “this isn’t real so nothing about it matters”. Fake scare me once, shame on you, fake scare me twice, shame on me, fake scare me five times, you’ve just being silly no, go sit in the corner. It really sucks that I don’t like this film. I’m interested in the real life place as it seems kind of fascinating, and the idea of doing either a psychological horror or a thriller there is genuinely exciting, but as it is they tried to do both and ended up doing none of them effectively. Somewhere there is a really tense film about someone dealing with their own mortality whilst walking through the Aokigahara Forest, but this really isn’t it.

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How To Be Single

I just didn’t really care for the characters and found them too stereotypical to warrant an emotional reaction.

In The Heart Of The Sea

Spectacle cinema that forgot to put in any spectacle. It has no moments which visually impress you. Also, Hemsworth’s accent kept slipping and that distracted me.

Independence Day: Resurgence

The most telling thing about this films quality is this; it happened this year and yet nobody mentions it anymore. This film should be dumb fun, as it is it’s just dumb. Like a poor remake of the original, only with an obvious sequel hook at the end. It won’t impress people who liked the original, and will mean nothing to those who haven’t, so it’s hard to say exactly who it was aimed at.

The Legend Of Tarzan

Part sequel, part origin story, part retelling, and with the story basically “the only person who can save all these African people is a white guy”, all kinds of awkward. Christoph Waltz seems to be enjoying himself though.

Triple 9

I assume this film was bad anyway, I can’t remember anything from it, even after seeing the trailer, nothing.

Zoolander 2

Too many cameos, and the same problem as the David Brent film; the main character is an awful human being yet the film is about how everyone else learns to realise how great he is. Actually now that I think of it I should have called Extras Syndrome “Zoolander 2 Syndrome”. The cinema I was in had approximately five people in, as such you could hear the silence that met every joke, you could hear every “this is a bit shit isn’t it?”.

Pride And Prejudice And Zombies

On By troubledproductionsIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

I posted this somewhere else earlier this year, the film is now available on netflix so thought I’d repost as a bonus blog. Enjoy!

cyanideandwhiskey's avatar

I went into this with both high and low expectations. High because I loved the trailer, it looked amazing and it looked brutal. Low because I heard bad reviews and it hadn’t done too well at the box office, only making £7.4million (or 31.37 million in Turkish Lira) in the opening ten days. So I was excited but prepared to be underwhelmed.

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At first I disliked parts of this film, I found Sam Riley’s Colonel Darcy voice a bit too fake and silly, and Matt Smith’s character was slightly annoying. Then I noticed that that’s kind of the point. Darcy is supposed to seem aloof and odd, and Mr. Collins was supposed to be a foppish fool. Both of them actually deserve kudos of the highest order for this. Matt Smith could’ve just played it as The Doctor again and the character would have been charming, he wouldn’t even have needed to change the dialogue. But…

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The 5 Best Kids Films Of 2016

On By troubledproductionsIn ListLeave a comment

5 Goosebumps

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Are you surprised to see this here? Well to be honest, so am I. I had quite low expectations here, if expectations were a high jump, then this was set 2cms off the ground, and easily cleared it, not in a way to set a new world record, but one that still performs admirably. The great thing about this film is that it exists in a genre of one; it’s a kids horror film, and one that made back double it’s budget, so expect a few poor imitations in the next few years. I do feel guilty about putting this film here though, because it means I can’t put Finding Dory on this list. That’s not a knock against Finding Dory, it’s just an indicator of exactly how strong kids films have been this year, been a phenomenal time for them, and whilst Dory hit me harder emotionally, I think part of its target audience was adults, whereas Goosebumps was focused almost entirely on the kids. So whilst kids will grow up and watch Finding Dory when they’re older, I feel that while they’re younger, Goosebumps will have more appeal, and it’s odd that that could be seen as a bad thing in todays society, for kids films to be aimed at children. We almost expect them to have adult jokes in them now and consider films failures if they don’t, maybe because all film critics are adults so it can be hard for them to judge kids films on their own merits (probably not though, as they are professional).

4. The BFG

THE BFG

As already mentioned, I LOVED this movie. It was magical, as I said earlier this year:

“some films are funny, some films are heart-breaking, very few films can be described as magical, this is one of them”

It also had one of my favourite performances of the year, and is a film I’ve already considered buying on blu ray, despite being so poor at the moment I’m panicking about money about two days after receiving any. I know this film wasn’t rated that highly by critics, I just don’t get why. Normally when I disagree with critics it’s on comedies, films which I can see are definitely cult films, I don’t normally disagree based on “f*ck you this film was fairy lights and sunshine on celluloid”.

3. Kubo And The Two Strings

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A film so strong and confident I just automatically assumed it was based on something. The fact that a new property can set up a world this full and real says a lot about the talent of both the writers and the directors. Surprisingly it’s the directors first film as a director, and I would not be surprised if he won an Academy Award for it (it’s not likely, but it would be very deserved). This was one of the few films this year I was actively following from the moment I saw the first trailer, it just looked so good, the music choice (While My  Guitar Gently Weeps) was inspired, and visually it was very different from everything else. This HAD to be fantastic for me to like it, anything else would be a bigger disappointment than the first time I tried Hershey’s Chocolate.

2. Zootropolis

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A film that reminded me of an important lesson; you can have too many jokes in a comedy. I know that sounds weird but even in a comedy the characters need to treat the situation seriously, otherwise the audience don’t feel the jeopardy. If the characters don’t fear the situation, then why will the audience? It’s hard to believe but in the closing stretch of Airplane there’s barely any jokes, it’s all plot. This film does that too, there’s not many jokes in the final third, the characters are genuinely scared and determined and focused on plot, so that makes the stakes seem high to the audience, so they’re more emotionally invested. Now if I was doing a “favourite animated films of the year” then this would probably be top, but as I’m judging this by it’s standard as a kids film, this sadly has to be second. It’s definitely a better film than the one I’ve chosen to go in top spot, but not a better kids film for one simple reason; there’s no magic. There’s no moment where you sit watching this film and are overcome by a feeling of wonder and joy, there’s no “ooooooooo” moment. If it did that then it would definitely be top, and in most years it would, but this year it’s just beaten to the top spot by another film.

1. Moana

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A film so good it almost seems like Pixar made it, if it wasn’t for the songs. But oddly enough it’s the songs that push this to the top spot. I hate songs in kids films usually as they’re just distracting, but here it served a real purpose, characters seemed to have their own musical motifs attached to them, and the songs are REALLY good. There’s a crab singing a David Bowie-esque song, The Rock singing a song about how awesome he is, and they’re still not the best songs in this film. If “How Far I’ll Go” doesn’t get nominated for awards I will genuinely be surprised, it’s touching, empowering, and even from a technical standpoint just a superb piece of music. On the downside there’s one or two jokes that take you out of the movie (there’s a twitter joke in here which is quite funny but completely unnatural), but then they’re followed with moments of brilliance (the psychedelic crab scene for instance features animation so colourful and beautiful, the likes of which haven’t been seen in a long time). It also features what is without a doubt the best pee-joke of the year. So there’s that. Oh, it also features adorable/terrifying coconuts, which is always the sign of a great movie (be honest, how much better would every film be if you added anthropomorphic coconuts?)

 

So, that’s that. We’re starting work on our end of film lists as we speak so if there’s any films you think we’re likely to have not seen this year, let us know and we’ll try to watch them before the years out.

The Edge Of Seventeen

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Director: Kelly Fremon Craig

Budget: $9million

Let’s get the obvious out of the way here; I’m fairly certain I’m not the target audience for this film (a feeling which was confirmed by the cinema being almost entirely teenage girls), so this had an uphill battle to impress me, an uphill battle which was evened out by the release of the trailer, which was funny, slightly heartwarming, and cynical as hell, I’m glad to say the only difference between the film and the trailer is the film itself is a lot more heartwarming. It’s just as funny and cynical as you’d hope, although part of my opinion on that might be because I have a weakness for any film which has “I’m going to kill myself” as the first line.

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Unlike this film, where “I want to kill myself” is the first thing said by the audience

It’s not just the cynical nature of the film that’s done well, the characters themselves are really well defined. Even when the characters do and say terrible things, you understand their motivations, even though you don’t agree with them. They are all fully fleshed out, and they all get good lines. Unpopular opinion, I tend to dislike “comedy characters” in films and sitcoms, mainly because it means the writers tend to give them all the best lines, leaving the other characters somewhat underdeveloped. That’s a problem which this film avoids, most of the characters could comfortably lead their own movie, that’s a masterful piece of scripting and the writer should be commended for that. Which is why I’m glad the writer also directed it, it’s easier to follow directors careers than writers as more emphasis is put on directors. I was surprised this was directed by the writer, although it kind of makes sense, this seems like a very personal story and they’d be nobody better to get that across than the person who wrote it. It’s more surprising that this is her first film as a director, whilst it’s not exactly full of “wow shots”, or inspiring cinematography, it’s a lot more accomplished than a first time director should be, here’s hoping she gets a chance to do more work in the future with someone elses script, will be interesting to see what she can do. I feel her best work is as a writer though, the script has some amazing pieces of dialogue that really hit home. My personal favourite being (and i’m paraphrasing here) “I just don’t want to have to live with myself for the rest of my life”.

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Probably not going to get a good lead in to say this but these two worked really well together.

This film is not perfect however, a major problem is that you will feel you’ve seen it before. Within five minutes of meeting certain characters you can guess their entire story arc, you know what they’ll end up doing for the rest of the film. Despite that it’s still a very enjoyable film, it’s a bit like listening to a REALLY good cover song, whilst it’s not completely original, and you won’t be surprised by it, you still have to be impressed with how they’ve done it, and you still love it. Put it this way; I also watched Arrival this week. Probably one of the  best films I’ve seen all year, yet i still felt like THIS was the film I should write about.

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Actually I take back what I said earlier; this shot is kind of beautiful it terms of colour and angles

I will admit, this is not the greatest film of the year, it’s not even in the top five if I’m honest, yet I’ll sum up my feelings about this film on this; I have a belief that everyone should have a self-care box. A box which contains dvds, books, chocolate, tea etc, basically stuff which will cheer you up when you’re at your worst. And whilst this film won’t make it into my top 10 of the year, or my favourite 100 of all time, it definitely deserves to go in the box, and that’s the best thing you can say about it.

Edge Of Glory

  • Strong performances from the cast (Special mention must go to Hailee Steinfeld, Hayden Szeto, Haley Lu Richardson and Blake Jenner. Actually all of them were really good)
  • Fantastic script.
  • Believable characters.
  • Very very funny and heartwarming.
  • Possibly one of the best soundtracks I’ve heard all year.

Edge Of A Cliff, Staring Into The Abyss

  • Formulaic plot.
  • Not many memorable shots.

Why We Love…..A Night At The Opera

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I’ll freely admit, despite being a massive Queen fan, this is the only actual Queen album I own. The rest are live albums or greatest hits. I think they have a weird issue when it comes to their songs in that they’ve got so many well known ones. As such when you buy a greatest hits from them it’s got so many songs on it that you kind of forget that they have others because, well, there’s three albums of songs here and you know every one, it’s not like a lot of greatest hits albums where there’s a few you don’t know or don’t like. There’s very few bands/singers who are like that, the only ones that come to mind are Elvis, The Beatles, and possibly Bob Dylan. This album though is the best example of this though as it kicks off with the best unknown Queen song; Death On Two Legs. Anybody who has spoken to me about Queen albums knows how much I love this song and I DESPERATELY want My Chemical Romance to cover this song to bring it to a wider audience. It’s bombastic, it’s musically brilliant, and the lyrics are unbelievably harsh, people tend to think of Queen as a band you can show to everybody, forgetting how damn sexual this band could be at times, and that they sing lyrics (as they do in this) like:

“Do you feel like suicide? I think you should”

This songs lyrics were so harsh that the person it was about (their early manager Norman Sheffield), sued the band for defamation. He won and received an out of court settlement, with the downside of confirming that this song is actually about him. People love other songs, but to me this is Mercury’s finest hour as a songwriter.

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Although this is DEFINITELY his best work as a singer

It’s not just him though, whilst John Deacon only writes one song this album, it’s one hell of a song. You’re My Best Friend is a very sweet and lovely song, despite sounding nothing like a lot of Queen songs, it still sounds like a Queen song somehow. It’s not many bands who can go from bombastic rock through to a slow melodic acoustic number on the same album, and have it not sound like “ok this is our obligatory acoustic song”. Special mention should also go to ’39, a science fiction song that deals with time dilation and Einstein’s special theory of relativity, which for some reason is not that popular a subject among most songwriters, can’t imagine Rihanna doing a song about Fermat’s Last Theorem, although I think Ke$ha could pull it off.

So yeah, this album has such a wide variety of songs that it’s almost like a compilation album, and that is why to me whilst it’s not quite perfection, it’s pretty darn close. Oh, it also features a song called Bohemian Rhapsody which I’d recommend listening to, I can imagine it becoming really popular.

World War 1 As Seen By Popular Culture

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Today is Friday 11th November, known throughout this country as Armistice Day, a day where we remember those who gave their lives in defence of King and Country. It’s been a British tradition since 1919, and like most British traditions, it originates from a non-Brit, South African Sir James Percy FitzPatrick to be specific, who suggested a two minute silence as he had witnessed occurring daily in Cape Town since April 1918. It’s always weird talking about popular culture in regards to war, it feels almost disrespectful to use war as art, yet it’s also the best way to teach people about it, it’s easier to engage people on a subject if you wrap it in a manner which people can find entertaining, it’s why the Horrible History books sell so well, and it’s why teachers in schools play films in lessons (well, that and they’re hungover). So with that in mind, here’s the best media to consume to get a feel about World War 1. Important note; it’s not chosen by quality of the media, but by how respectful it is towards the subject.

Video Games

Valiant Hearts: The Great War

Nobody is more frustrated than me that despite us being halfway through the centennial of the war, this is the best game about the subject released lately. Some would argue Battlefield 1, but that featured a moment where someone runs across the top of a blimp and in tone seems no different than any other modern shooter, albeit with surprisingly accurate weaponry. This is different from most wartime games as it’s not about battles and weaponry, it’s about people. The game is focused around different people; you have the French POW, the American, the Belgian nurse, the English pilot and the German soldier. The animation style may make you think it’s a lot more childish than it actually is, it’s remarkably heartfelt, even more so when you realise parts of it were heavily influenced by letters written by the great-grandfather of one of the creators during the war.

Music

Green Fields Of France – Dropkick Murphys (Eric Bogle cover)

This was originally going to be Paschendale by Iron Maiden, with lyrics like

Whistles, shouts and more gun fire
Lifeless bodies hang on barbed wire
Battlefield nothing but a bloody tomb
Be reunited with my dead friends soon

it would take something spectacular to unseat it. Green Fields Of France is without a doubt good enough. It’s hauntingly beautiful and respectful, especially this version. It was covered by Joss Stone a short while ago and it cut out so many lines it almost destroyed the anti-war message of it, this version doesn’t do that, this one is full of sorrow and mourning, and is almost made to be played over a montage of battlefields and poppy’s and elderly soldiers mourning their long lost brothers in arm. That’s very surprising considering Dropkick Murphys usual repertoire are songs that should be sung whilst downing pints and celebrating, if they’re usually the party, this song is the funeral that precedes it. Telling the tale of Willie McBride, a soldier who we’re told died in the opening verse, the song pontificates on his sacrifice before culminating in this verse

Did you really believe them when they told you the cause
Did you really believe that this war would end wars
Well the suffering, the sorrow, the glory, the shame
The killing and dying it was all done in vain

Television

Blackadder Goes Forth

Obviously. Even if the entire series was just the final scene from this episode on a continuous loop it would still count, that scene is just so impactful, so powerful, so utterly perfect in every way that nothing can beat it.

Film

Shoulder Arms

The film that inspired Chaplin to make The Great Dictator (a.k.a, one of the greatest films ever made). If this article was about the best film, then Lawrence Of Arabia would have won this easily, but as I said earlier, it’s not about the quality, it’s about the reaction and the feeling of it. This was released in 1918, whilst the war was still going on so it was a very brave move, but one that paid off. As Chaplin said

“the thought came to me: why not a comedy about the war? I told several friends of my intention, but they shook their heads. Said [Cecil B.] De Mille: ‘It’s dangerous at this time to make fun of the war.’ Dangerous or not, the idea excited me.”

Chaplin’s shortest feature, at just 46 minutes long, so it never overstays it’s welcome, walking the line between funny and meaningful, showing Chaplin at his very best and playing with techniques he would later perfect.

Poetry

Perhaps – Vera Brittain

I know, I didn’t pick Wilfred Owen, I’m a terrible person. But to me this is more powerful and personal. Inspired by her fiancee, who was killed by a sniper at the age of 20, just four months after she had accepted his marriage proposal.

Perhaps some day the sun will shine again,
And I shall see that still the skies are blue,
And feel once more I do not live in vain,
Although bereft of You.

Perhaps the golden meadows at my feet
Will make the sunny hours of spring seem gay,
And I shall find the white May-blossoms sweet,
Though You have passed away.

Perhaps the summer woods will shimmer bright,
And crimson roses once again be fair,
And autumn harvest fields a rich delight,
Although You are not there.

Perhaps some day I shall not shrink in pain
To see the passing of the dying year,
And listen to Christmas songs again,
Although You cannot hear.

But though kind Time may many joys renew,
There is one greatest joy I shall not know
Again, because my heart for loss of You
Was broken, long ago.

Contemplations Of Chucky: Day Six (Curse Of Chucky)

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Director: Don Mancini

  • Okay let’s hope this goes better than Seed. It really can’t get worse. Unless it’s just ninety minutes of a doll masturbating into the gaping anus of a clown. Even then that would still be better than f*cking Annabelle.
  • Okay now is impressive opening. Looks superb, really cinematic. The director of this, Don Mancini, is doing a much better job than the director of the last movie, Don Mancini.
  • Even the colour scheme is better. Gone are the overly bright colours, to be replaced by muted greys. I know that makes it sound boring but in actuality it just makes it look like everything has been put slightly through a nostalgia filter.
  • Fiona Dourif there, playing paraplegic Nica. It’s great they have a character like that (actually, thinking about it, horror has always been fantastic for inclusion, it’s often had strong female characters, black characters, and disabled characters. Okay, usually they’re the first to die but but it’s progress, very very small progress). It’s admittedly it would have been better if they actually cast a paraplegic actor, but she does a very good job here. She’s actually Brad Dourif (the voice of Chucky)’s daughter. But it doesn’t really smack of nepotism here, you don’t watch it thinking “why on earth did they cast here? Fiona Dourif, oh okay”, you think “she’s amazing, what else has she been in?”
  • A great erection joke there, really stands up well.
  • The downside of the colour scheme: it means white light is REALLY white, to the point of almost being washed out.
  • Nica flirts with a delivery guy, but her mother shuts the door so she can’t follow him to continue to talk, booo, hiss. She’s definitely the villain of the piece (or maybe the murdering doll is, who knows?)
  • “Oh honey I don’t want to see you hurt”, then you’re in the wrong genre of movie.
  • Hey it’s Chucky. But a very very new looking one. He hasn’t looked this new since the third one. I know the last two weren’t looked upon favourably but can’t just ignore them.
  • “I DVR’d Real Housewifes” and that is why you’re going to die.
  • See, told you, you watch reality TV, you end up on the floor in the middle of the night bleeding profusely.
  • Good reveal of half of the title, poor for the other. Okay I’ll try to explain why; the camera moves back to reveal Chucky sitting there and the word “Curse” kind of hanging next to him, then the “of Chucky” comes straight in. Yet the music seemed like it was building up to a fade in of that so it was just weird.
  • “Your sister thought it might be a good idea for me to come”, I thought priests weren’t allowed to do that?
  • “The church’s official response to suicide is not to judge, but to pity”, that’s everybody’s first reaction to most things I do.
  • “She was supposed to be taking care of you”, eh, no. She’s in a wheelchair, mentally she’s in a better place to deal with this situation than someone with a chemical imbalance. I’m not sure who this is more offensive to; people with mental health issues as it pretty downplays their effects, or people with physical health issues as it says you need looking after and lack any sort of independence.
  • “He scared me half to death”, people in horror constantly make references to death, more than I do.
  • “It’s a doll, what’s the worse that could happen?” It could come to life and murder everybody in the house. But what are the odds of that happening 6 times in the same movie series? Ridiculously low, I think this will end up being a romantic comedy, they can’t keep relying on horror.
  • “You’re going to make dinner, fox six?” She’s in a wheelchair, not simple. I know they’re family but I don’t get why she doesn’t detest them on sight.
  • Chucky pours rat poison (well, his arm does, we don’t see the rest of him move). Actually pretty clever, it’s more methodical and less bloody than in the last few films. This is a new Chucky, he’s almost methodical and slow, he’s taking his time with doing everything He’s waiting for opportunities instead of hunting them out, it makes it more tense and is incredibly offensive.
  • Oh, we don’t know which one the poison got put in. This scene alone could be a short film. There’s enough there to stretch out to an entire 15 minute short.
  • Lots of good fake outs, people here going “Oh my god” *silence* “this is amazing”. Then lots of close ups of people eating. I know this blog is supposed to have jokes but this scene is just really amazing. Sadly it’s not available on youtube so I can’t include it here.
  • “This is just like my mother used to make it” your mother put rat poison in your dinner? Did she also teach you to swim by putting you in a sack and throwing you in water? I don’t think she liked you very much.
  • Oh so that’s why that couple hired a nanny, for lesbian sex.
  • “The 80’s were amazing” well now you’re just lying. The 80’s had Thatcher, Chernobyl, and Madonna
  • “Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the lord my soul to keep” why would you make a child say that before going to sleep? That’s terrifying. That’s like having them say “Today could be my last day on earth, if I die, delete my browser history”
  • “Chucky says there is no God. Life’s a bitch and then you die bleeding like a stuck pig” True, I’ve died at least four times like that today.
  • “Mommy, am I going to die” “of course not. Who told you that?” bitch, you did. You make her recite a pre-death ritual every night.
  • “Chucky I’m scared” “you fucking should be” That’s Chucky’s first line: at 44 minutes. Almost half the movie’s runtime. That’s remarkable patience. It’s weird that despite this being the best one, it’s the only one that was released straight to DVD, but it might have been the straight-to-DVD nature of it that led to it being so good as it allowed them freedom to do things like wait 44 minutes to show off the main character. I think this film is the first one since the original to realise that this might be someone’s first introduction to the character, so building up tension for the reveal is fine. And people who already know the character would be eagerly awaiting the appearance of him.
  • The woman continues to flirt with the Nanny. Just realised, she’s paying her $400 and sleeping with her. Is that basically prostitution?
  • Nica discovers about Charles Lee Ray and works out he was in a family film she was watching earlier, very good callback and reminds you that Chucky was once human.
  • Chucky kills the nanny via electrocution, he seems to do that a lot with people.
  • “Ian, I am not sleeping with the nanny”, well not anymore, she’s dead. You’re a terrible person but even you have your limits.
  • She notices Chucky has weird loose skin and slowly peels it off, revealing the scarred face we’ve got used to from the last few films. Up until now you could have assumed this was a reboot, starting time depending on your personal preference. I know some thought originally this film was just a straight reboot, ignoring all the previous ones, whereas I know some who said this happens after the third one. But this attic scene sets up the placement perfectly. It doesn’t explain how, but it sets up the “when” very well.
  • You’re scared by this doll, so you decide to put your finger in its mouth. What did you think would happen?
  • “you have your mothers eyes, and they were always too fucking close together” rude! Okay the “stabbing her and gouging out her eye and throwing it down the stairs” may also be considered rude, I don’t know the etiquette on eye gouging. I think it’s customary to use a dessert spoon, not a knife though.
  • Chucky attacks someone with an axe. But this isn’t a clean decapitation, he just kind of chops his jaw off, very Mortal Kombat.
  • Chucky hits a paraplegic in the leg with an axe and is surprised when it doesn’t hurt them.
  • Flashback to his motivation. when he was alive Charles Lee Ray was in love with someone, she rejected him, so he did the obvious thing and stabbed her in the stomach whilst she was pregnant, resulting in the child being confined to a wheelchair. Most people just do heroin and alcohol. We all have different methods.
  • Oh good this is wonderfully coloured. He’s kidnapped the woman (the mother who died early on in the film) in a room surrounded by sunflowers, lots and lots of sunflowers. Everything is in black and white apart from the flowers, visually striking.
  • “a lot of families have gone, the Barclays, the Kincaids” yeah but you didn’t kill any of them. Andy and his mum are alive, as are both of the Kincaids (from Bride Of Chucky), you’re a terrible serial killer.
  • “so you never actually killed Andy Barclay did you? It’s called completion anxiety, it’s very common in males” I like her.
  • “Twenty five years, must be the slowest murder in history, what are you waiting for a sign from God?” That is basically me in a horror movie, only I’m not female, or in a wheelchair.
  • Wait, so the hero has been institutionalised and the villain wins, Was this ending scripted by me? I love it. It’s still closure but opens it for a sequel. A beautiful ending that rings true. It’s like the ending to this is the aftermath of the other films. Only with Jennifer Tilly slitting another cops throat and showing us how Chucky has been getting around. She’s been posting him around so he can get his revenge.
  • Wait, so Chucky wants to put his soul in a child’s body? Why? He’ll never be able to get as much done, or get access to someone’s house again.
  • Plan foiled by someone waking up in the best use of “final jump scare” I’ve seen in horror films in a while. It makes you jump, but it also doesn’t render the rest of the film moot, if anything it makes you more hopeful. His plan to transfer himself into a child is now likely to be foiled.
  • Ooooo post credits scene.
  • Holy crap it’s Andy again. Played by the original actor too. Chucky has posted himself to him, and he comes out of the mail to Andy pointing a gun directly at his face. After six movies Andy finally gets his happy ending. Nobody can say he hasn’t earned it. And he has a picture of Kyle in his house. That’s actually kind of sweet.

Contemplations On Chucky: Day 5 (Seed Of Chucky)

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Director: Don Mancini

Budget: $12million

Box Office: $24.8million

  • The credit sequence is sperm travelling to an egg and then a foetus developing into a baby which then comes screaming out of a vagina into bright light. This is not going to be an intelligent movie.
  • “That’s the ugliest thing I’ve seen in my whole life” I get told that on a daily basis.
  • We start with a POV shot from (presumably) a doll as it comes out of a box on a child’s birthday. The child hates it because she’s a spoiled brat (honestly, after this scene we see the house at night, there’s a massive pink birthday cake with only a small slice taken from it. Lazy!) and throws it in a box. As is custom for this movie it creeps out around the house, grabbing a knife on the way before being spotted by the dad which leads to the doll looking down and our first indication that this isn’t actually Chucky as the clothes are different, and horror movie law dictates characters don’t change clothes.
  • “You are hideous aren’t you?” Is this film just following me around and writing down what people say to me?
  • “In a civilised society our word is bond”, no wonder that child is so pretentious when you use sentences like that.
  • Cool POV death, the doll stabs the dad causing him to crash through a balcony and onto the floor below, the doll (and the camera) following him the entire way.
  • We have a naked woman, because horror movies always have superfluous boobs.
  • Our first glimpse of this doll as it see’s itself in the mirror. This is perfect character setting up, allowing us not to see him full on.
  • “You killed my mummy and daddy, and now you’re pissing your pants” *sings* one of those things is not like the other.
  • It turns out to be a dream, apart from the pissing his pants bit. The doll wakes up and we it’s being used as a ventriloquist dummy as it’s alive. Smart move by the guy who found him.
  • “I found him in a cemetery in the States six years ago. Little fucker tried to rip my throat out” “I was trying to give you a hug”, wait is that NOT how you hug? That explains so much.
  • Actually that “I found him in a cemetery” bit is weird as it seems to only be there to tell us, the audience that this doll is definitely the child of Chucky that appeared at the end of Bride, yet why would he tell the truth about that? Why not make up a lie that is better? Like say it was left to you by a witch or something. Don’t tell the truth about that if the rest of your act is based on deceit.
  • “I know I’m a freak”, me too little doll.
  • “you’re breaking up with me?” Wait, why didn’t she say all this before he made lots of santa based sex puns (I’m not even going to give you the context for that)
  • Chucky and Tiffany kill Santa, but not really as it turns out to be a film called “Chucky Goes Psycho” which is basically a film within the film about Bride Of Chucky. Which is weird for two reasons: 1) that only happened about 5 years before this film is set, is that not too soon? 2) Why didn’t they do one about original Chucky before Tiffany was involved? 3) For the “it’s a movie after all” fake out to work they needed Chucky and Tiffany to be voiced by their normal actors. Now what are the odds that Jennifer Tilly AND Brad Dourif would both be cast in this film? Jennifer Tilly kind of makes sense as she looks a lot like Tiffany, but wouldn’t they get someone else to voice Chucky? Either a younger or better known actor? This film breaks immersion already.
  • Jennifer Tilly plays herself, and very well, you really believe that she’s her.
  • Hey it’s blonde S Club person. Weird.
  • For younger readers: an S Club was a club which had parties, and there ain’t no party like an S Club party.
  • S Club basically calls Jennifer Tilly a slut.
  • The ventriloquist threatens his doll with a lighter whilst telling him to be more violent and”Give into your natural impulses or I might have to fire ya” Why do you need him to be scary? The humour is working fine. Plus, wouldn’t a doll’s natural instinct to be to make people happy? Which is almost the opposite of killing.
  • Jennifer Tilly auditions as the Virgin Mary alongside Redman (of Wu Tang Clan fame). I can’t tell whether they’re bad actors or great bad actors.
  • No way would Julia Roberts work with Redman. Not saying she’s racist or anything, but he’d be a first time director and she’s Julia F’ing Roberts. The role was originally supposed to be Quentin Tarantino, which makes a lot more sense.
  • The doll revives Tiffany and Chucky just by reading the necklace. That was way too easy. That only works if the film used the actual dolls involved in the murders, which is stupid to do. It would be like filming Poltergeist on an ancient Indian burial ground.
  • A CGI guy comes in and unscrews Tiffany’s batter back revealing internal organs. Good scene, but makes no sense as the first film Chucky had his battery compartment uncovered and it was normal.
  • Chucky and Tiffany respond to this in a normal way, by decapitating him.
  • Doll genitals! Well, lack of doll genitals as Chucky and Tiffany try to decide what gender the doll is.
  • They agree to disagree and call the child Glen/Glenda. Subtle.
  • Jennifer Tilly comes in to get chocolate, and kisses the decapitated head before realising it’s not a prop.
  • John Waters is in this. This film has just gained about 10% more credibility.
  • “my mother always told me, once is a blessing, twice is a curse”, then what is three times? Is it a massive disappointment? Because I’m the third.
  • “Oh my god she’s a complete slut” you kill people, don’t judge.
  • “Why do you kill people?” “It’s a hobby” have you tried knitting?
  • “I thought violence was bad” “no, you’re thinking of violins”. It’s a good thing he said that otherwise I was going to.
  • “we have a problem with killing” “I don’t have a problem, I like a little killing now and then” This scene is pretty funny but kind of feels too soon. This is only the second movie with Tiffany in it and she spent a lot of the last one not killing, they really only teamed up on a select few successful deaths. He’s iconic, she’s not but this film is assuming we think she is. That’s a massive problem as it makes it feel like there’s a film missing between this and Bride. Like a chapter which focuses more on the two of them interacting.
  • “let’s quit killing now, cold turkey” That’s dangerous, you can’t quit like that. You need to replace it with something else, like killing animals instead of people for a while.
  • “hell would be ending up on fear factor in a worm eating contest with Anna Nicole-Smith” “which you’d win”, not know Anna’s dead, I imagine she’s had lots of worms eating her.
  • Puppet boobs. This film has puppet boobs followed by puppet masturbation. It all feels so undignified.
  • John Waters character photographs Jennifer Tilly prostituting herself to the fourth best rapper from the Wu to play the virgin Mary, he then photographs a masturbating doll. Still more normal than his real life day to day life.
  • “Mel Gibson ain’t the only one God speaks to” That’s not God Mel Gibson speaks to.
  • Tiffany uses a turkey baster to put puppet semen into Jennifer Tilly. I wonder why people can’t take this film seriously.
  • Chucky drives Britney Spears off the road before going to kill John Waters.
  • Glen/Glenda accidentally scares John Waters, causing him to back into a shelf and knock acid onto his own face, killing him. See, this is why you don’t keep your acid in breakable bottles on shelves, you keep them in plastic lemonade bottles in fridges instead. Much safer.
  • “I remember you screaming a lot, I tend to have that effect on women” that’s probably because you have a gun.
  • “I don’t know what’s got into me” Redman’s penis?
  • “I ain’t no idiot” your sentence structure says differently.
  • Redman fires Jennifer Tilly for being pregnant as “I have a very specific image for the Virgin Mary, she’s got to be hot”. At first, second, and third glance this is stupid. But on fourth glance it’s still stupid, but not as bad as it seems, how many pictures of Jesus show him as out of shape? None, he’s always toned, with washboard abs and a sexy face.
  • Tiffany disembowels Redman, for some reason his intestines are smoking like they just come out of the oven.
  • S Club gets set on fire and falls down the stairs.
  • Okay it turns out Glen is normal, but the Glenda side of his personality is a psychopath, and was the one that killed S Club. It also turns out Chucky has 4 dead bodies in the cupboard, but no idea where or how they got there. This film has more onscreen than offscreen murders.
  • That baby is remarkably clean for a newborn that hasn’t been cleaned yet.
  • Chucky has a really really great scene here, superbly written and a real hint into the character and is brilliant, sadly the rest of the film is nowhere near this level. “If this is what it takes to be human, I’d rather take my chances as a supernaturally possessed doll; it’s less complicated. Think about it, what’s so great about being human anyway? You get sick, you get old, you can’t get it up anymore. I’m not looking forward to that! As a doll, I’m fucking infamous! I’m one of the most notorious slashers in history! And I don’t wanna give that up. I am Chucky, the killer doll!” Tiffany disagrees so Chucky throws a knife at her, because that’s how all arguments are dealt with.
  • Police walk in and find BBQ’d S Club, they check for a pulse.
  • Glen kills Chucky in revenge for him killing Tiffany. A slow one too, he dismembers him with an axe, piece by piece. One thing notable during this scene, Billy Boyd is not a fantastic voice actor, or he’s just not good at this part, but it just seems silly.
  • Five years later and Jennifer Tilly’s two children are called Glen and Glenda, the maid complains about Glenda, saying she called the cat a “c word”, but what else are you supposed to call one?
  • Jennifer Tilly beats the maid to death with Tiffany doll, then her eyes go weird and we realise she is actually Tiffany in her body.  Weird and really stupid. Especially since it (spoilers) isn’t referenced too much in the sequel. Well, Tilly is, but the kids aren’t. Which is a shame, missed opportunity for something, I just have no idea what.
  • The actor playing human Glen is called “Beans”. Beans is not a name, it’s a food. I’m not going to call my child “Chicken Legend With Mayonnaise Sauce”, because that would be silly. Yes, i’m mocking a child, I’m a terrible terrible person.