Tag: movie-reviews

2024 In Film: Day One (The Awful)

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Borderlands
Ups: Some nice little visual touches.
Good cast.
Downs: Nonsensical action scenes.
Treats the audience like they’re idiots.
Inconsistent characterisation.
Keeps reminding you of better films.
Best Performer: Ariana Greenblatt
Best Moment: When Lilith meets Claptrap.
Worst Moment: The fight against the psychos. Remarkably unexciting. There’s no sense of danger
Opening: Quick explanation of the world. It kind of works and does its job. But it’s all stuff that could have been shown in the narrative rather than just narrated to us.
Closing: They all celebrate. Predictable, and doesn’t work to get you excited.
Best Line: I’m a bit old, I think, to be setting myself on fire for your amusement.
Original review here

Hellboy: The Crooked Man
Ups: Violent.
Some nice folk horror moments
Downs: Looks cheap.
Mind-numbingly dull.
The lead has zero presence.
Best Performer: Adeline Rudolph
Best Moment: Cora’s body is filled. It’s so creepy.
Worst Moment: No matter how much you try, you CAN NOT make “thing reaches out slowly to touch a bone someone is holding” scary, it looks more like someone was eating chicken and being told “There loads of meat still left on that”
Opening: Gothy text over woodland area. Then Hellboy on a train. Instantly, it makes it seem cheap.
Closing: They defeat evil. For some reason, Bobbie sleeps holding Hellboy arm. The words “beware! I am a witch!” are painted on the evil horse. So as long as that doesn’t wash up, it will be fine.
Best Line: “Come on snake, let’s rattle”. Wait, did I say “best”, I meant “worst, one that’s absolutely terrible and shit”.
Original review here

Lift
Ups: Good ensemble cast
Some good shots.
Downs: Predictable.
Boring characters.
Best Moment: When it looks like someone is about to be tortured. Could be a good way of showing the villain being a prick. Sadly it then cut away.
Worst Moment: The plane flying upside down for an extended period of time.
Best Performer: Billy Magnussen
Opening: Some absolutely STUNNING shots of Venice. A lot of the time when you see Venice on screen it seems like just one street with a river instead of a road. This makes it look like an actual city with historical significance. Essentially, it makes it feel like a city that isn’t just canals, gondolas, and a tourist industry that is killing it.
Closing: The thieves switched the gold around, much to the surprise of absolutely nobody.
Notable Line: “It’s too big a risk”
“you know how much I like risk”
It’s not a good line but it indicates the level of effort put into this. None.
Original Review here

Night Swim
Ups: Competently made.
Downs: Stupid premise that is taken far too seriously.
Characters don’t behave realistically.
Not enough meat to stretch out to a full-length movie.
So many logical inconsistencies.
Best Performer: Wyatt Russell I guess.
Best Moment: When he hits a baseball. Kind of majestic.
Worst Moment: The pool party. It displays that the real horror is ineffective health and safety.
Opening: A foreboding shot of a swimming pool. Then a young girl is pulled into it by an unseen force. It’s technically well made etc, but it’s still very difficult to get past the notion of an evil swimming pool. It’s almost a parody.
Closing: The dad sacrifices himself by walking into the deep end of the pool. The family then fill the pool in, which you’d think somebody would have done in the hundreds of years this has been an issue.
Best Line: It’s funny, isn’t it, though. I mean, we evolved out of the water, and some part of our reptilian brain knows we’re not supposed to be there anymore. But… I guess that’s why we try to tame it so hard. It’s like trying to conquer death.
Original review here

Tarot
Ups: Shows grief believably.
The flashbacks are well-made.
Downs: No horror movie should have a Howard Jones song.
Terribly written characters.
No decent scares.
Best Performer: Olwen Fouéré
Best Moment: The lead-up to Paige’s death has a cool elegance to it.
Worst Moment: The baby’s death flashback. Mainly because the Count seems to be waiting for the narrator to stop speaking before he reacts. It’s like the scene starts and he’s waiting for his cue.
Opening: A bunch of teens play “Guess the Future” or something. Where they sit around a campfire and guess “who’s most likely to get pregnant?” and the “winner” drinks. Weirdly, every round has a complete agreement between everybody. Personal truths are revealed but more shocking, they ran out of beer. This is treated as a new revelation, but wouldn’t they have noticed when getting the previous beers out?
Closing: “Fuck fate”. Then we find out how someone escaped death; someone opened a door. Kind of a cop-out.
Best Line: “Do you know why there are so many murder podcasts? Because people are always getting murdered”
Original review here

The Crow
Ups: Some pretty shots.
Downs: Bland.
Obviously sets up a sequel it will never get.
No memorable music.
Best Performer: Danny Huston. So threatening.
Best Moment: The first sight of purgatory.
Worst Moment: When the film ends and you realise you’ll never get that time back.
Opening: An absolutely GORGEOUS shot of a kid walking through mud and coming across a dying horse. He puts it out of its misery. Sets up the character okay, but my main takeaway is how pretty the visuals are.
Closing: His girlfriend comes out of hell.
Best Line: “If I’m ever hard to love, try to love me harder”. That just sounds abusive as hell.
Original review here

The Ministry Of Ungentlemanly Warfare
Ups: Fun concept
Downs: Drags, a lot.
Completely forgettable. To the point where having watched it is VERY similar to having not watched it in terms of the impact it has on you.
Best Performer: Henry Cavill.
Best Moment: The opening, very violent and fun.
Worst Moment: Genuinely can’t remember anything else from the movie. And I’m writing this a week after watching it.
Opening: Text telling us that the following story is true and wasn’t discovered until Churchill’s notes were declassified in 2016. Which is weird as it’s based on a book made in 2014. Then we get a scene of Nazis threatening two people on a ship by saying “You can either die in the ocean or die on fire. The last person nearly made it and we rewarded him by shooting him in the head”, firmly setting up that, yes, despite some politicians best efforts to state otherwise, Nazi’s were the bad guys
Closing: A “what happened next” to the main characters. It’s nice to see, but it would have meant more if the characters were memorable.
Best Line: I’m not leaving until I have a barrel full of Nazi hearts.
Original review here

Trap
Ups: Some decent performances.
Downs: Stupid characters.
Wastes its own story.
Nepotism.
Best Performer: Josh Hartnett
Best Moment: The very end where one of the characters realises he helped a serial killer. Although that does back up a criticism I had where I was annoyed that he gave a stranger so much information.
Worst Moment: I want to say “every moment Saleka is onscreen” but I’m going to get very specific. There’s a shot near the end where Josh’s character is sitting down and talking, and there’s a HUGE corner of the screen being blocked off by an overhanging cupboard. In terms of shot composition, it’s hard to find anything worse in a seasoned directors work. It makes it look like he’s just poking his head around
Opening: It opens with a song by M. Night’s daughter. I’m not talking about the actual opening showing the father and daughter relationship. Because I can’t get past the nepotism.
Closing: He’s arrested but escapes. I hope we don’t get a sequel.
Best Line: There isn’t any.
Original review here

Dear Santa (2024) Review

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Quick Synopsis: A dyslexic child accidentally writes a letter to Satan instead of Satan. That’s it, that’s the movie.

The Farrelly Brothers have directed some of the most well-regarded comedies of the modern age; Dumb and Dumber, There’s Something About Mary etc. Jack Black also has a pretty damn good history in comedies; the modern Jumanji movies, School Of Rock, Kung Fu Panda. With that much comedy pedigree, and with such a simple premise, this should be fantastic.

It isn’t. It isn’t the worst film Jack Black has been in recently (Hello, Borderlands), but it is definitely in the lower half. None of the issues are with the performers, Black is on form, and even though she’s only in it a little section, I LOVE Cate Freedman as the crossing guard (disappointingly she’s not even mentioned on the Wikipedia page). The issue is the script. It’s incredibly disjointed. The main problem is a lack of cohesion in terms of audience. Much like Red One, this feels like it needs to either age up or down. At times it feels like a kids’ movie. The “here’s what I can do for you” sequence feels like it’s aimed at pre-teens. Some moments feel like they’re lifted directly from a 90s Christmas movie. But then it makes jokes about the sexual abuse of a minor and the consequences of fucking a dog, which makes you feel it’s aimed more at 15-year-olds who want to be thought of as mature and think that just means swearing and sex jokes.

There’s also a surprising lack of heart to the whole thing. It attempts to have heart with a dead brother subplot, but it feels incredibly tacked on, and the way it comes back at the end just raises more questions than answers, to the point where the “wait, but how does the world react to this?” reaction overshadows any sense of narrative closure. That would be acceptable in a kids’ movie, but not in a film with some of the jokes that Dear Santa has.

I get why a studio would diversify their jokes, to appeal to a wide audience. But the way they’ve done it here means that it ends up appealing to nobody. It’s too childish for kids, too mean-spirited for kids, and too one-dimensional for adults. I put more thought into this review than the scriptwriters did into the screenplay, and considering I did this while watching an episode of Smallville, that says a lot.

Red One (2024) Review

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Quick Synopsis: Santa gets kidnapped.

Studios put a lot of thought into release dates for big movies. Sometimes it’s to avoid competition with a similar release which may split the audience and negatively affect the box office, sometimes because it wants to be in people’s minds when they nominate films for awards, and sometimes it is to make use of certain demographics (releasing kids films during the summer holidays etc). With that in mind, it is truly baffling why Red One, a Christmas movie, was released in the first week of November, which despite what the adverts on television may be telling you, is not Christmas. I can’t imagine there’s much crossover between the intended audience of Red One, and the intended audience for Night Bitch or the new Lord Of The Rings. There are only two ways I can justify it;

  1. They need it to fail so they can recoup the losses in some form of Hollywood accounting BS
  2. It’s going to be released on streaming services just before Christmas.

There is, of course, the possibility that they want this to be a slow-burn success, that audiences will be so impressed by what they see that they will tell their friends, who will then tell their friends and sooner or later everyone will go see it.

If they wanted that, they should have made a better movie. It’s not terrible, it’s just deeply deeply flawed. The main issue is one of tone. It’s not sure whether it wants to be a family-friendly Christmas adventure or an action movie. At times, it seems like it’s aimed at children, with infantile references and simple narratives, but then there are sexual references and mid-level swears which you’d expect in a mild 15.

I wasn’t a fan of Chris Evans in this. He’s usually very good, and he can do comedy. But for some reason, his style didn’t work in this. It’s hard to buy him as a regular human, even when he is standing next to The Rock. I should point out, that there’s a moment where Nick Kroll gets possessed, and the vocal performance is bad to the point of embarrassment. Other than that, most of the performances are fine, and it’s always nice to see Bonnie Hunt.

There are also pacing issues. It takes FAR too long to get to the point. The opening also repeats itself or says things that could have been saved for later. Personally, I think we should have stayed with Chris Evans character before moving to the mystical part, then our experiences would have been similar to his, with our eyes and minds slowly being shown the magic.

The magic is the best part. Red One incorporates so many worldwide Christmas myths and legends that it’s almost an educational experience. I really enjoy the way they incorporate Gryla. I kind of wish they put more in, but I suppose the hope was to save them for sequels.

In summary; disposable fun, that really should have been released either straight to streaming or closer to Christmas. At the moment, it feels like it’s been sent out to die, and it doesn’t deserve that.

The Wild Robot (2024) Review

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Quick Synopsis: Roz (short for ROZZUM unit 7134, nothing to do with Peri Gilpin’s character from Frasier) is a helper robot with nobody to help after the cargo ship delivering her crashed into an island. After being rejected by the local wildlife she finds herself as the de facto mother of Brightbill, the lone surviving gosling (of the non-Ryan variety) of a Roz-related accident which killed off his entire family.

I very rarely go to see kids’ films at the cinema, especially not ones without what I would deem an appropriate “in”. I think it’s perfectly acceptable for an adult to go see a Pixar film, for example, but there are some for which it would be a bit weird to see a lone adult male in the screening. As such, I don’t often see trailers for those films. This meant I didn’t really know what The Wild Robot (TWR: pronounced Too-war) was about. I knew the title, and I knew it was supposed to be above average. But the story? Not a clue. The actors? No idea. The animation style? Nope. I didn’t even know if it was American, Japanese, English, French, or even from the Anconine Republic (although if you googled that country you’d be sceptical about whether an animated film would be released in 2024 that was made in that country).

The opening is “shot” from a weird fish-eye POV, so I was slightly worried that the whole thing would be like that, thankfully it’s not. I still didn’t entirely vibe with the animation style though. It’s incredible sometimes, with things moving with a beautiful fluidity and realness. But then there are times when the animals (the fox voiced by Pedro Pascal is the clearest example) almost seem TOO fluid like they’re made from watercolour paintings. On their own, that’s fine, but alongside the backgrounds, it’s jarring from a visual perspective. Mostly, the visuals are superb though. The world looks real, trees have imperfections, grass sways in the wind, and the sky is awe-inspiring in terms of colours (especially in the closing third).

I have a few nitpicks with the story itself. Some story beats move unnaturally quickly, and characters trust each other too quickly, to the point it seems like it’s setting some of them up for third-act heel turns. It doesn’t feel like a singular narrative at times, there’s no sense of the world flowing towards the natural conclusion. Instead, it feels like the story is being told by a kid who has joined an improv group “This happens. Then this happens, and then this happens”.

That’s a very mild criticism though, TWR is an incredibly easy film to fall in love with. Kids will (hopefully) love it, and there’s enough in there to keep parents entertained without resorting to the cliche Shrek-style “penis jokes that will go over the heads of children”. There’s no sense of cynicism or misery to TWR, it’s an experience which fills you with hope. The performances are all pitch-perfect, but it’s still weird to hear Matt Berry in a kids’ film as you keep expecting him to call someone an arsehole. Catherine O’Hara continues to be a delight. Stephanie Hsu is good, but criminally underutilized. Lupita Nyong’o is the true heart, and her performance beats beautifully. Kit Connor is pretty great too, but really it’s a showcase for Nyongo’s vocal work. She provides a good mix of humanity and confused AI.

At the start of the year, I looked at what was due out and had mentally already placed Paddington In Peru as the winner for “best kids film”, partly based on knowing that Inside Out 2 was going to hit adults MUCH harder than it would kids. For most of the year, the marmalade magnificence still had no competition, but now with both Transformers One and The Wild Robot? Paddington is going to have its work cut out, especially with the recasting issues. TWR isn’t just good, it’s magical.

Venom: The Last Dance (2024) Review

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Quick Synopsis: Eddie Brock and Venom must make a devastating decision as they’re pursued by a mysterious military man and alien monsters from Venom’s home world

The Venom movies are without a doubt, the best of the not-Spider-Man Spider-Man movies. Let’s face it, that’s not a difficult hurdle to clear. Whilst the likes of Madame Web and Morbius have been absolute shit, Venom has, at worst, been incredibly frustrating. They are the epitome of wasted potential. There are moments throughout the franchise which I love. In The Last Dance (V: TLD, pronounced Vee-Told) there’s a fantastic moment where Eddie Brock/Venom is travelling with a family and the dad starts a singalong of Space Oddity. It’s hard to explain why, but it’s incredibly sweet and powerful. Usually, when you hear that song in popular culture, it’s because of an astronaut, and the message is “Look, he’s in space”. The use here is more “he’s completely alone”. It starts off funny, but the sense of isolation and despair quickly sinks in, and it’s incredibly powerful, to the point where it actually has genuine emotion.

It’s not just in the Bowie-oke where you see what V: TLD could be. The closing carnage of the multiple symbiotes is a cavalcade of chaos and fun, but it also only lasts around 15 minutes. That’s such a shame, as there’s enough for a whole movie there; the idea of different versions running around causing mayhem is exciting, especially since they all seem to have their own powers and identities.

Instead of those potential fun times, V: TLD decides it wants to spend its time with Knull, the creator of the symbiotes, who spends the film attempting to retrieve a codex from inside of Eddie/Venom so that he can be freed from prison. So the main villain in this, which has been advertised as the closing film of this trilogy (although we all know that it’s not), is locked in a prison for the entire runtime and never interacts with the characters. It is possible to have a villain like that, but they need to have that little something extra which means that even when they’re not onscreen, their presence hangs over everything. That never happens, the creatures he sends out are scary, but he has no presence. In fact, it could be argued that using the Xenophage lessens his impact because they’re so deadly and hard to kill, it means that THEY are the narrative beast to defeat, not the Big Boss. Ironically, this means the impact that Knull has? Nul.

It feels like V: TLD is building towards something, which feels misguided for the closer of a trilogy. Despite it being marketed as such, it never FEELS like the finale of a series. There’s no sense of completion, no sense of book-ending, no feeling that we’ve gone on a journey. It’s a shame, as the series has potential, and has found talented performers (the franchise would be A LOT worse without Hardy, and seeing Stephen Graham on the big screen is always welcomed), but it has never figured out what to do with either of those things. It has never felt like a coherent story across all three, especially in terms of tone. At times it’s felt more like a horror movie (the allusions to Alien are far too common to be accidental), at times they feel like a road movie, and at times they’re zany action movies. It really needed to focus on one genre and try to excel at that. Instead, it feels like they’ve tried to throw every idea they have, whether it suits the tone or not. Nobody stopped to ask “But this derails the themes” etc. They also never stopped to say “but this doesn’t make sense” at any point. The perfect example can be found in V: TLD. There’s a subplot of a family travelling to Area 51 due to it being closed down. They’re the only ones who try this. Are you saying that if the US government announced they were closing down Area 51 at a certain date, there would only be ONE family making that trip? There would be thousands of camper vans making that trip and I can’t think why the film would make us not think that would be the case. It would be more realistic, plus it would mean that the final chaotic action scenes would have a lot of near-deaths. The only reasons I can think they wouldn’t do this would be because the writers don’t want the characters in this universe to be aware of Venom (which is a shame, as having Venom die knowing that society accepts him is perfect, plus he’s been in enough crowd scenes that he’s definitely not a secret), or for budgetary reasons. Either way, it feels like a disappointing waste. Back in my review of the first Venom, I said “it wasn’t the worst film ever, but nowhere near as good as it could have been”, and my review of Let There Be Carnage mentioned how moments could be an entire movie are relegated to brief distractions. So whilst trilogies like Creed changed how I want fight scenes to be shown, Planet Of The Apes changed my expectations for motion capture, all I get from the Venom trilogy is to prepare to be disappointed. , I’m English, that’s my default state.

I.S.S. (2023) Review

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Quick Synopsis: Tensions flare in the near future aboard the International Space Station when a worldwide conflict breaks out on Earth

Not really relevant to my opinion of this film; but that title is terrible. It’s an awkward mix of being too short to google effectively, but also too clunky to say out loud. It’s also incredibly bland. I suppose that sums up the film itself though; bland, unoriginal, and not something you particularly want to find.

It’s hard to say exactly WHY this doesn’t work (which doesn’t bode well for this review). It looks fantastic, zero gravity is hard to pull off on-screen without it looking too fake and like they’re just being pulled along by wires. There’s never a second here where you don’t believe they’re floating around like a lost balloon (only with less chance of having a duck choke on them). The scenes of nuclear explosions on Earth could look better though. I’m not sure what they could look like, but the way they’re done here makes them look more like a video game, specifically Civilization.

The plot itself is pretty good actually. A look at paranoia, claustrophobia, and how citizens can suddenly become pawns in a game they have no desire to play. On paper, this should be a tension-filled masterpiece. Yet it’s not. The performances are all there, the directing is good, but they just don’t seem to mesh together. Separately they’re all fantastic, but it feels like they’re all trying to make different movies, so there’s no sense of a cohesive style. It’s a political thriller directed like a science fiction action movie, starring actors who think they’re in a horror movie. Gabriella Cowperthwaite is obviously talented, but she needed to tell people “That’s a good idea, but it’s wrong for this”.

I think part of the problem is the sound. If you had your eyes shut, you wouldn’t feel the tension. There’s not really a score to help match the scenes, and it also doesn’t utilise silence effectively. You’re also not really given a chance to see how big the ISS actually is. We see it from the outside and see bits of it inside, but there’s not really much indication of how far things are from each other. It looks like the whole thing takes place in a section no bigger than an ordinary-sized flat. So it’s presented as a small area, but it never feels like they’re hemmed in too close to each other in a way that ups the tension. It also doesn’t feel big enough that you can imagine someone feeling isolated from their colleagues.

It would also be useful if we were provided more background into the world. Why are Russia and the US at war? Are other countries involved? Importantly; what is left of the world after the nuclear weapons have been launched? We know that some elements of the space agencies/military are still available, but that’s it. What makes it even more frustrating is that the characters themselves don’t seem interested in answering these questions. The reason that it’s important for each country to gain control of the space station also feels a bit weak. Spoilers; they’re fighting so one of the sides can get control of the cure for radiation sickness. I feel if it got out that one side did have that, the other side would just focus on destroying infrastructure instead, meaning you wouldn’t die of radiation sickness but would starve instead. Also, they don’t need the whole space station for that. Look at it from the Russians’ POV: You assume the Americans have received a message saying “Take over the space station”. But if you are aware of what that’s for, and also that you have the cure for radiation sickness with you, would you not just say “We’re leaving, the space station is yours”, and secretly take the research with you as you jettison back home. You don’t need the ship, you need the contents of a locker. It’s like shooting up a school so you can get your homework back.

This is a fairly decent watch, which is the worst thing. It had potential for greatness, everything about it screams out “modern classic”, but it only reaches “pretty good” at best. Seeing that wasted potential is such a disappointment, and makes me think of it as worse than it actually is.

Seize Them! (2024) Review

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Quick Synopsis: Queen Dagan has been toppled by a revolution led by Humble Joan. With the help of servant Shulmay, she aims to get her crown back.

I’m aware I am kind of pretentious sometimes when it comes to my film taste. But it’s a weird kind of pretentiousness, one which will talk endlessly about obscure Polish films, or how the work of Lotte Reiniger still holds up almost 100 years later. Yet, I also dislike Men (the film, not the gender, although….) and I’m not that fond of the films of Wes Anderson.

So whilst my taste may run a little weird at times, I love films that are just dumb fun. They’re not trying to change the world, or wow you, they’re just there to distract you from the Western-supported genocide occurring 2000 miles away (wait until you find out the fucked up shit I found out whilst googling that distance by the way). It’s in this sphere of silliness that Seize Them falls. It’s different from something like Bill, which had historical in-jokes and at least had the pretence that it happened in reality. There’s no effort to pretend this is real; it’s a live-action cartoon in a fictionalised version of history. This has as much in common with the Dark Ages as the Artemis Fowl movie has with the books it was (supposedly) based on.

This isn’t something you can see being quoted in an academic paper. It’s not supposed to be though. It’s just dumb jokes wrapped up in a different time. It does make the most of the concept though, there are a lot of jokes which wouldn’t work outside of this context, which is something I always like. I like when jokes are unique to a film, especially if it’s a comedy set outside of “now”. Crucially, it doesn’t have any of those “knowing” jokes. You know the kind, where someone invents a modern invention and is rubbished, or otherwise makes a reference to modern times. The kind of “It’s a communication device mixed with a telescope, we call it an Eye-Phone”. I know comedy is subjective, and different jokes for different folks. But those are the ones that come up a lot in films like this and I cannot stand them, not just in a “that joke didn’t land” way, when I see those jokes, it actively turns me against the film.

The jokes are helped by just how talented the cast is. Casual audiences are more likely to be aware of Nick Frost (from his films with Simon Pegg), Nicola Coughlan (from Derry Girls, Bridgerton, and “you won’t believe how old she is” posts on Facebook), or James Acaster (from memes about the world falling apart). It’s mainly led by Aimee Lou Wood (from Sex Education) and Lolly Adefope (from Ghosts/Taskmaster), they make a good pair, sharing natural chemistry. They spend a lot of time with experienced comedy performer Nick Frost, and they easily match him. They both nail their roles perfectly. Lou Wood turns what could be an annoying character into someone sympathetic. Kind of sympathetic anyway. The third-act conflict only really happens because of her character derailment. Also, I’m still not quite sure that with the world the way it is at the moment, a movie about how “this rich useless person who holds all the power is someone you should be sympathetic towards, the woman fighting against her and campaigning for equality is just a phoney who will end up being a dictator”, is that really a message that needs to be put into the world right now?

In summary, a hilarious movie, with oddly memorable music. Not the best film of the year, but incredibly fun. For better (the jokes, the performances) and for worse (the production values, the pacing), it does feel a bit like an extended episode of a Channel 4 sitcom. Funny as hell though. I mean, how many other films have two characters die from fatal wanking incidents? It should have had a better cinema release though, at my local it was only on once a day, and with zero promotion.

2023 Film Awards Day Two: The Components

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Best Script

Bottoms
I loved how it balanced the “wtf” nature that exists in the world of this film, whilst also being deeply serious and personal. I was more forgiving of issues with this than other films because it felt like it took place in a strange universe. Like Black Books or Green Wing. So there was a certain amount of “well that makes no sense. But fuck it”. Normally, that approach like that would feel like a cop-out, but it genuinely works here. Plus, I can guarantee this is some sexually confused 15-year-old autistic kids’ new obsession that will change their lives, and the world needs more films like that. This is going to be a film that changes someone’s life, and it’s REALLY funny too.
Missing
Long-followers (or anybody who has spoken to me for more than a few minutes) will know that I LOVED Searching. So I was always going to enjoy a thematic sequel. The brilliance of this is almost entirely down to how well-scripted it is. Yes, the computer screen gimmick helps, and the performances are great. But you could make it a normal film and would still work, could replace the performances and might still work, but it’s the script that turns something good into something great. It’s so damn well plotted. Just when you think you know the answer, it changes the question. You go through thinking “Well obviously this is the case”, then five minutes later the film proves you wrong. It’s a script made of a thousand threads, and every single one is expertly crafted.

Winner

Rye Lane
Despite what my somewhat cynical nature would make you believe, I do genuinely love a good rom-com. And this is a good one. A lot of that is down to the performances, but the script makes their job slightly easier. The two characters are likeable, and the meet-cute actually feels real. A lot of times that moment feels a bit too “written”, but it feels genuine in this like it was an actual moment which could lead to two people falling for each other. The key point is that you actually want the two people to end up together. You feel emotionally invested, and that’s all down to how real the script makes the characters seem.

Best Looking

A Man Called Otto
Mainly because there’s a BEAUTIFUL seasonal transition shot. The rest of the film looks pretty standard, but that one shot is so damn good.
All Quiet On The Western Front
Some absolutely stunning shots. The visuals really help make you feel that you’re there. Usually, films like this have a tendency to be just a mesh of brown and grey. This adds moments of colour, and everything is so clear there’s zero washout.
Barbie
For a lot of these, I’ll be talking about how they made everything look real. Barbie, I’ll be doing the opposite. A lot of care went into making the world look fake. It reminded me of Game Night, where the establishing shots etc were shot in such a way that the houses kind of looked like game pieces. Everything here looked like a dollhouse world. Not just the obvious (colour schemes etc), but the way things are sized too. They obviously had a blast with the visuals, and it’s all the better for it.
Creed 3
I loved the fights in the first Creed movie. The way the camera weaved between the participants really helped sell the damage being done. This approaches it differently. It makes it less realistic, and more philosophical. So it really gets you inside their heads, letting you know the pressure they’re under, how alone they feel, how completely drained they are. It’s a risky strategy, but it really pays off.
John Wick: Chapter 4
You always get innovative fight scenes in this franchise. But this entry went a bit different; shooting one as if it was a video game, moving over walls and with constant motion. It all looks so effortless too.
Oppenheimer
Obviously, this was going to be listed here. They recreated a nuclear detonation with minimal to no CGI. Everything is building up to that moment, so if the explosion sucked then the whole film would be ruined. But that crazy bastard pulled it off.
Spider-Man: Across The Spider-Verse
I loved how the different animation styles meshed with each other. All the different Spider-verses FEEL different and unique in how they’re animated. There’s so much effort into differentiating them, and it really pays off.
The Super Mario Bros. Movie
The script itself was created with no love for the source, with all the references being surface level and nothing more than “this is a thing in the games”. But the visuals? They were done with love. Background graffiti and road signs are full of references. The music may be meh, the voice acting bland, and the plot a bit dull, but the sheer love that went into creating the visuals means watching this film isn’t a total loss.

Winner

The Creator
Obviously, it was going to be this.  I don’t know how Gareth Edwards managed it on such a small budget but I can only assume witchcraft. It looks incredible, absolutely astounding. There are zero moments where it doesn’t look real (although there is one moment where the geography of the scene could be improved to help clarify things). Considering the amount of effects etc. that must be needed for this to work; that truly is a testament to the talent of Edwards and his team.

Best Performance

Aftersun – Paul Mescal
Everything is subtext. Calum is so damn well written. He’s a father who is suffering from depression, but is doing his best to hide it from his daughter. Mescal has to carry all of that nuance. He doesn’t get to explain it, doesn’t get anybody else to explain it, it’s all hidden under the surface. It would be easy for it to be too obvious, too surface-level. I kind of feel you need to have mental health issues to be able to see the signs. I don’t think some people will understand it, but those who do get it, will GET it.
Apocalypse Clown – Natalie Palamides
Her character, as written, is already the highlight of the film, but her physicality is tremendous. Even the way she eats ham is notable. She is never not “on”.
Barbie – America Ferrera
A performer who was sorely underrepresented in the marketing. She’s the straight performer in a world of comedy, so it would be easy for her to be overshadowed by people who could go further. Without Ferrera, the film risks coming off as too wacky and silly, making it feel like nothing has consequences. She provides it with enough seriousness that you buy it as real, even when it goes batshit weird.
Haunted Mansion – Lakeith Stanfield
I genuinely believe he’s one of the best all-rounders the industry has; a face that suits magazine covers, the perfect voice for audiobooks, plus the ability to deliver an incredibly powerful monologue that will bring you to tears. Everyone else is acting like they’re in a Disney movie, all overly expressive and aimed towards a mass audience. That’s fine, that’s really all you need in a film like this. But Stanfield? He performs like he’s in an Oscar-bait drama.
M3gan – Amie Donald
Her physicality is amazing. Her movement enters uncanny valley territory. She’s under 15 years old and has more physical awareness than people who have been in the industry longer than she’s been alive. I hope this doesn’t lead to her constantly being cast as a horror movie monster wearing a mask so you can’t tell it’s her. Yes, her character is an inhuman robotic killer, but it’s the slight fluidity that Amie adds to it that helps sell the character.
Missing – Storm Reid
I’m not that familiar with her, having only seen her in small roles before. But she carries this brilliantly. There’s a lot for her to do too, she has to be a cocky teenager, but one whose mother has gone missing so she’s worried about her (whilst also being competent enough to try and solve it). So she needs to somehow convey both “I know everything” and “I need an adult”. That’s difficult to do in a supporting role, but as a lead, it’s tricky to do and remain convincing. She has great facial expressions, to the point where there’s so much unsaid dialogue in this.
Oppenheimer – Cillian Murphy
There’s not much I could add here which hasn’t been said many times before. So I’m not going to.
The Whale – Sadie Sink
I know Fraser has a lot of love for his performance in this. But I kind of think that Sadie did more. In the future, she’s going to do something that will make everybody notice her, she is that damn good. Fraser can kind of hide behind his prosthetics and physical performance, whereas Sadie has to lay it all on the line, shedding every single layer of vulnerability. Her character could be better written, more consistent, but her performance is damn fine.
We Have A Ghost – David Harbour
Mainly because he does the whole thing without saying a word. He is one of those actors that even when he’s in bad films (such as Gran Turismo), he’s usually the best part, and never the cause. We Have A Ghost is an average movie, deserving of its place on Netflix instead of physical media. But Harbour, and everything he does, could not be improved.

Winner

Killers Of A Flower Moon – Lily Gladstone
It’s not an understatement to say that her performance is the beating heart of this movie. She has so much to do and does it brilliantly. An example of how great her performance was; she’s in a film with DiCaprio, DeNiro, John Lithgow, Brendan Fraser fresh off The Whale, and Jesse Plemons. Yet who was everybody talking about? Lily Gladstone. She didn’t just hold her own against acting heavyweights, she overshadowed them.

Best Character

Aftersun – Calum
The stuff I mentioned in the Best Actor part? All applies here too. It’s a fantastic mix of a well-written character being played by the best person possible.
Barbie – Ken
It feels weird saying that. It’s a feminist AF film, female director etc. Yet the most entertaining character is the dude. That feels wrong somehow. His character does run the risk of being slightly incel at times, but he redeems himself with his rejection of what we would deem standard masculinity. His arc isn’t about finding a girl, it’s about finding himself. It’s essentially the same as the main character from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, just with less depression.
Bottoms – Hazel
The other characters are great too. But I absolutely adored Hazel. I was discussing this movie with someone and she said this: “I’m concerned that I would actually sell my soul to protect Nicholas Galitzine. I don’t want to date him at all, just protect him”. That’s exactly how I feel about the character of Hazel
Creed 3/John Wick 4 – The Title Characters
This has to be the end of that franchise. The characters have reached the natural end of their story. Both of these two are similar, they have back stories I’d like to see more of, but their current story has definitely ended. They went out on a high too. It’s been good to see these characters develop across the movies, letting us live in their worlds for a moment. I’m sad there’s no more, but I’m glad I got to see every single entry in both franchises in the cinema.
Holy Spider – Saeed Azimi
He’s not sympathetic or likeable in the slightest, but he is sincere, and you do understand how he got to his point of view, even if it is sociopathic and deplorable. It’s key that the character doesn’t seem to be getting pleasure from this. He seems genuinely disgusted with himself for having to be near the women he’s killing. This really helps him feel genuine. He is terrifying, even when he’s just being an everyday family man. There’s a moment where the veil slips when he has an outburst in front of his family and stops being the kind loving family man. What’s very telling is how his family react. They’re scared, but not surprised. So they know he has the capacity for violence; just maybe not to the full extent of it.
Joy Ride – Deadeye
I mean, she’s clearly autistic, right? But crucially, not to the point of parody or cruelty. It’s weird, this is a film about identity and finding your family. Yet the most emotional part belongs to Deadeye thinking she’s been abandoned by her online friends. You just break, it’s incredibly emotional, but it wouldn’t be if you didn’t like the character.
Polite Society – Ria Khan
It would be so easy for her to come off as a whiny entitled brat with delusions. But every decision she makes makes sense. When she sneaks into the men’s locker room to go through a phone? Makes sense with what we know about the character so far. She feels like a real person and we’re just getting a snapshot of her life. She also gets to be a character who’s not just a damsel in distress, which is still depressingly rare for young female characters. The representation is great to see, but even without that, Ria is still an important character because she’s just so damn likeable and funny.
The Marvels – Kamala Khan
Fuck the critics, she is adorable. Her squee nature makes sense too, she is a fangirl getting the chance to work with her idols. Of course she’d be overwhelmed. She’s the only one not trying to put on a tough front, it makes her very human.

Winner

Godzilla: Minus One – Kōichi Shikishima
A failed kamikaze pilot haunted not just by his actions in the war (feigning mechanical issues to get out of his duty. I mean, his duties were to kill himself so I get it) and by his behaviour in the first Godzilla attack. He’s a man haunted by guilt and regret, someone who spends the entire time needing to prove himself. That defines so many of his actions. His refusal to openly return Noriko’s feelings comes from a belief that he doesn’t deserve happiness. This is what makes Godzilla movies work, and why so many adaptations get it wrong. It’s not about the monster, it’s about the humans. Throughout this, you want Koichi to succeed and find happiness, he’s a PTSD-haunted man in a society which doesn’t think PTSD is a thing.

Best Couple/Double Act

Aftersun – Calum/Sophie (Paul Mescal/Frankie Corio)
Aftersun would not have worked if the relationship between the two leads felt fake. It’s difficult for two adults to fake a familial relationship, let alone an adult and a child actor. Yet you never doubt the sincerity between the two. They genuinely feel like father and daughter, which is a testament to the talent of both Paul Mescal and Frankie Corio, as well as whoever made the decision that the two of them should spend time at a holiday resort in Turkey during rehearsals.
Barbie – Barbie/Ken (Margot Robbie/Ryan Babygoose)
They play off each other perfectly, both in characters and in performance. Barbie is weird, and Ken has to match that Kenergy throughout so that she seems logical. Surprisingly this is only the second film the two actors have starred in together, and I don’t even think they shared any scenes in the other one (The Big Short). A smart movie studio would book these two together in more things. A dumb studio would greenlight a bunch of movies based on toys. Fucking Warner Bros are useless.
It’s A Wonderful Knife – Winnie/Bernie (Jane Widdop/Jess McLeod)
The rest of the film is nothing to write home about, but the chemistry between these two performers is a delight. I would love to see these two in a romantic comedy. The chemistry between the two performers was so good that it actually changed the story. I love when that happens, and it would have been stupid of them not to do that.
M3gan – M3gan/Cady – Amie Donald/Violet McGraw
For this to work, you need to believe that Cady doesn’t think of M3gan as a robot. Otherwise, it would just be like “Why is that small child so friendly with a calculator?”. You need to believe that they have a friendship that goes beyond a child and her computer. You can easily believe that these two are friends, so it all works.
Quiz Lady – Anne/Jenny (Awkafina/Sandra Oh)
They have really great chemistry, to the point where it is easy to buy them as siblings. They’re helped by a script full of moments which showcase how much Jenny really does care for her sister Anne. They’re both playing against type, and if both of them aren’t perfect it doesn’t work. I adore how familiar the two performers feel with each other, and it’s the linchpin the film is based around.
Rye Lane – Dom/Yas (David Jonsson/Vivian Oparah)
Watching the two interact, you’d assume they’d worked together a lot before, nope. Every moment between the two makes you want to see more. They’re so natural together, that weirdly, it kind of hurts the film. Because of how natural a couple the two make, the argument between the two doesn’t ring true. You don’t think a perfect couple like that could be split by something that small. A small niggle though. Without that chemistry, a lot of the best moments would feel forced. I don’t say this often for a rom-com, but I want to see these characters again, maybe in a TV show following the two down the line.
Scrapper – Georgie/Jason (Lola Campbell/Harris Dickinson)
There’s a fun playfulness between the two, but it’s a playfulness filled with uncertainty and quiet mistrust. They do like each other, and we do see moments of him being a caring dad, but you are always aware that they don’t actually know each other. Every moment of warmth is played with the undercurrent of knowing that Georgie hasn’t forgiven her dad for walking out on her.

Winner

Past Lives – Nora/Hae (Greta Lee/Teo Yoo)
A couple that is not a couple when the film starts, and isn’t one when the film ends. But they mesh so well together. Past Lives received a lot of positive attention in the industry, with heavyweights like Christopher Nolan naming it as one of his favourite films. I have to believe a small part of that is the undeniable chemistry that the two actors share, and how well-written their characters are. Going in, you know how this is ending, but you have that small flicker of hope that you’re wrong.

2023 Film Awards Day One: The Moments

On By troubledproductionsIn AwardsLeave a comment

Best Opening

Godzilla: Minus One – Godzilla kills an island
A really effective way of showing what makes this iteration of the ‘Zilla from nowhere near Manilla different. He is not a protector of the planet or something interested in creating balance within the ecosystem. He is a monster that wants to fuck shit up.
They Killed Tyrone – Dated Credits
This is a weird film, so you’d think a suitable opening would also be weird. Nope, it’s relatively normal. But it does SUCH a good job of setting up the themes and tone that it’s hard to think of how it could have been better. The film slowly reveals its weirdness as it does so to the characters. There are hints as to what will happen, but if it didn’t go in the direction it ended up going, nobody would have complained that they were misled.
Napoleon – The Execution
Does a good job of setting up his motivations (even though his being there was fictional and created for the film). Also, it’s nice to see an execution not be bloodless. It sets up expectations that when soldiers die, it’s not going to shy away from showing how graphic that could be.
The Night Of The 12th – Most Murders Go Unsolved
You can’t claim the ending surprised you when it opens with that.
Saw X – Nothing
Saw films normally start schlocky and violent. This one takes its time to set the story up. It’s incredibly mature for a Saw movie and sets it above anything else the franchise has made.
Shazam! Fury Of The Gods – The gods kill a bunch of people
This was not a good movie, but this section was good, it was creepy, set the villains up as threats, and wasn’t stupid. If the rest of the film matched the quality of the opening, it would have been better than the first, instead, we just got a bloated, tonal mess.

Winner
Scream VI – Ghostfake
You watch a slasher movie, especially Scream, and you know how it’s opening; we see a character, who gets murdered, credits. The Scream franchise has done a better job than most of playing with that; in the first one, the victim was played by Drew Barrymore, who was not only the biggest actor in the film, but also was all over the marketing so people thought she was a main character. The fourth one had a multitude of meta fakeouts that annoyed some, but I loved it. Finally, the fifth one had the person attacked actually survive. So really, you shouldn’t be surprised that you’re surprised, which makes the way they did this one perfect. By unmasking a Ghostface this early, it instantly puts you on edge and makes you wonder what else they’ll do, after killing Dewey in the last one, is Gail safe? All bets are off, and the opening proves it.

Worst Opening

A Man Called Otto – Otto Arguing
It’s supposed to show how he’s determined and feels lost in the modern world. But really it just makes him seem like a massive prick. Low-level staff cannot change or bypass store policies for chain stores, so if you yell at them about store policies or prices, you’re an asshole.
Good Burger 2- Musical Opening
Mainly because the performer’s voice isn’t really suited for it, plus there’s a much better potential opening a few scenes later. The fire demonstration would have been a much better choice and would have demonstrated how things have changed, rather than the one they use which just seems to make comparisons to the original and makes it feel like nothing has changed except the actor is now older.
We Have A Ghost – Family Leaves House Scared
It’s nothing we haven’t seen before, and seen better. It lacks any sense of originality. I don’t get why this was deemed suitable for the opening sequence of a horror comedy. It’s not funny, or scary. It’s just, well, kind of dull.

Winner
65 – Everybody Dies
I got what they were going for, but it didn’t work at all. In fact, it just wasted a lot of potential. It delivers the information far too quickly to be effective. We don’t know any of the crew members who died, so all their deaths mean absolutely nothing.

Best Moment

Barbie – The Monologue
There were a lot of moments to choose from in this, it was a great film. I chose this moment because it’s the most important part. It encapsulates the best of what Barbie achieves; it’s the kind of dialogue which can only be written by a writer who is either a woman or is paying a lot of attention. It’s important, but also doesn’t feel overly preachy. It’s the jokes and the performances that draw people in, but it’s this moment which will stick with young girls for years to come.
Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret – Laura
A scene that is still sadly relevant today, when the hero learns the lesson “don’t slut-shame”. Throughout the story, the character of Laura has been met with rumour and innuendo. In reality, she’s still a child, just one that developed quicker than her peers, and she feels ostracised and scared because of it. It’s played perfectly too, with the realisation from the main character that everything she believed about this girl was a lie. It also leads to a VERY cute moment of them all playing together.
Godzilla: Minus One – Attack On Ginza
I LOVED this movie, it was brutal, it was intense, and it was also very human. The attack on Ginza was the best way to show all of what made it work. It shows Godzilla as a seemingly unkillable monster who is capable of destruction, and it shows the relationship between Koichi and Noriko. The nuclear explosion at the end was also PERFECT for the themes. Japan is a country still going through Hiroshima PTSD, so for Godzilla to cause that again is absolutely harrowing for the residents.
Missing – The Twist
I love a good twist. Especially one that you know means that the next time you watch the film you’re going to spot the little clues that led up to it. This has all the hallmarks of a good twist; it’s surprising, but once you know of it you realise that the real answer was staring you right in the face the entire time. A bad twist overshadows the film so that once you know it, there’s nothing else to the story. The twist for Missing doesn’t do that, it increases your love for it, because of how damn well it’s written.

Winner
Spider-man: Across The Spider-Verse – Canon Events
Anything that reminds me of Whatever Happened To The Caped Crusader is a good thing in my books. The explanation is that Spider-Man is caused by trauma, so if you stop that, you actually make the universe worse off. It’s a lot of responsibility for the character to take on, but you know he’s going to anyway because that’s what he does.

Worst Moment

Assassin Club – What The Falk?
They build a character (Falk) as a mysterious big deal. They discuss how nobody knows who they are, and how their complete existence is a mystery. In the very next scene, the main characters get a phone call which is basically “Hi, I’m Falk. I’m an x year old white female who likes long walks on the beach and my address is…”. So what was the point of building up a mystery if you’re going to solve it that quickly? You go from knowing nothing to knowing enough about her to commit identity theft, and that’s not a joke, Jim!
Saw X – Trap Conclusions
Most of the traps feel too timed-based. Many of the characters nearly make it and if they were given 5 seconds more would have escaped the traps. This goes against Jigsaw’s modus operandi of testing people; technically they did pass the test and proved how much they were willing to sacrifice, but because they were slightly slower than Jigsaw thought they should be, they died.
Slotherhouse – The Death Of Mayflower
Goes on too long. Isn’t funny enough to justify its length, and she doesn’t seem to be taking her impending death that seriously.
The Marvels – Singing Planet
It’s a bit unfair to have this listed as the worst moment. But when you compare what it was, to what it could have been, then the reason it’s here is clear. It could have ended up being one of the cinematic highlights. It could have been fun, infectious, and unique. At the very least it could have been memorable. I can forgive noble failures, but I can’t forgive doing nothing, and it feels that’s what they did here.

Winner
Ant-Man And The Wasp: Quantumania – M.O.D.O.K
I’m not that familiar with M.O.D.O.K. as a character, but I assume we’re supposed to take him somewhat seriously? It doesn’t help that when I look at M.O.D.O.K I don’t see a “Mechanized Organism Designed Only for Killing”, I see Krang from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It doesn’t help that the CGI is awful and just looks ridiculous. A budget this big should not result in things that look this stupid. To be fair, I don’t think there is a way to make a giant human head look threatening, so there’s not much they could have done to help that. Well, they could have just kept the fucking mask on and NOT SHOW THE ACTUAL FACE. It was close between this and the Assassin Club moment. What puts this one ahead is that take that scene out, and Assassin Club would still be a shit film, AMATWQ would be improved soooo much without this scene. So whilst the Assassin Club scene is worse, this one does more damage.

Best Closing

Apocalypse Clown – Garth Brooks
There are many ways to end an apocalyptic story, but it takes a brave story to end it with “yeah the world didn’t end, the electrics were just wiped by a power surge caused by a Garth Brooks concert”. It risks making it feel like what we’ve seen was a waste of time. Or it comes off as hilarious and farcical, this is more in the second category. It’s completely ridiculous and silly, I loved it.
Cassandro – Conversation With His Father
Cassandro sometimes fails to show the homophobia that the man went through in his life. So it’s good to see scenes like this, scenes which remind you of the pain he had to go through to live his life. Scenes which have actual humanity and emotion.
Strays – Doug Gets Bit In The Dick
Incredibly satisfying and cathartic. Throughout the film there’s a slight worry that Doug will be rehabilitated or forgiven, instead, he gets put through a lot of pain in the final scenes, and it’s a lot of fun to see. Nobody watching the film will like Doug, so nobody will be sad to see what happens to him.
Aftersun – It Ends
The dad says goodbye to his daughter at the airport and then shuts the camera off. I know that sounds boring and meaningless, but in the context of this, it’s incredibly powerful and will bring a tear to your eye.
Holy Spider – The Execution
He thought he was going to get away with it but turns out his friends had sold him out. I like the fact that he died afraid, and the irony of him being killed by lack of oxygen is nice to see. That should have been how it ended, as it was, it carried on to her on a couch watching videos. Disappointing. Or so I thought. But then she watches videos of his son, and he’s talking about how he plans to continue his dad’s work; demonstrating how his dad killed them, like he was doing something great. Demonstrating on his sister. Thankfully just a soft recreation, not actually killing her. But it’s still horrific to watch in terms of what it implies about societal bullshit.
Pearl – Smiling Through The Pain
It’s just her smiling through the closing credits. It’s incredibly unsettling and puts you on edge.

Winner
Killers Of The Flower Moon – What Happened Next
It’s just the director on stage, speaking about what happened next to all the characters we’ve just seen. Ordinarily, that would be lazy. But it’s done like they’re recording a radio drama, so we see the sound artists creating sound effects live etc. It’s incredibly daring, and in a lesser film would have sunk it faster than the Titanic (I fast-forwarded through that film, the whole thing takes five minutes, right?). But Scorcese makes it work. Some endings are perfect for the story, some are clever, and very few are as PERFECT as this. Absolute genius.

Worst Closing

Puss In Boots: The Last Wish – Sequel Hook
It’s a shame, as a lot of this film is far superior to many of the previous films in the Shrek franchise, this is the only time it ever really feels like a Dreamworks film. Cheap, lazy, and completely unsatisfying.
Shazam! Fury Of The Gods – Billy Comes Back To Life
I’m not a fan of sacrifices meaning nothing. Especially when it feels unearned. If it’s foreshadowed, like in Scott Pilgrim where he earns an extra life early in the film. But in this? Wonder Woman just appears, fixes the problem for no reason, and then leaves.
Hypnotic – The Villain Has Survived
Narratively unsatisfying. It makes sense in the story they’re telling, but that doesn’t make it any less frustrating to watch. A similar thing happened in Spider-Man, but we know that’s getting a sequel. Plus, the rest of that film was good. If Hypnotic was better, then the ending would be acceptable, as it is, it’s just a disappointing dessert to a letdown of a dinner.
Ferrari – Unhappy Ending
The wife dies and finally, his illegitimate son can be recognised as his heir. This is seen as a happy ending, but really it just feels kind of mean. It kind of backs up my theory that the writers saw her as the villain of the film, rather than a woman who was cheated on and emotionally abused for decades.
Cat Person – Here We Go Again
It looks like she’s going to go through the same cycle again and again, so she’s not developed as a character. Kind of makes it feel like the entire film is a massive waste of time
The Flash – George Clooney
If the DCEU was going to continue, I’d be into this, as we’d be getting a sequel showing the new world that Barry Allen is now in. But because the series won’t continue, we’re just left with an unfinished story. It reminds me of the ending of Tim Burton’s Planet Of The Apes, only more annoying because it links into an already established universe.

Winner

Scream VI – Reveal/everyone lives
Scream is a slasher franchise, but it is also at its core, a murder mystery. Part of the fun has always been to piece together clues to work out who the killer is. That’s part of why the third one gets so much vitriol, because the reveal feels unearned compared to the others. I am one of the few people who will defend the reveal in the third movie, I won’t defend the one in this one though. It’s far too obvious. Horror screenwriters/directors must realise that every audience realises that if a named character dies offscreen in a slasher movie, they’re not dead. If the film cuts away before they die; the odds are that person is still alive. With that in mind, the reveal of the killers isn’t just obvious, it’s the only possible solution. The other thing that annoyed me about the ending of this is that all the core members of the group survive, even with one of them being stabbed multiple times. If this is where the studio wants to go, then the future does not look bright for this franchise. And that’s before the director of Scream VII leaving, and the absence of two of the main stars, one for scheduling reasons, and one for committing the heinous crime of saying genocide is bad.

2023 In Film: Day Ten (The Amazeballs)

On By troubledproductionsIn Year round upLeave a comment

Barbie

Ups: Very funny

Depressingly relevant

Creative

Unique look

Downs: The final third is a little messy.

A lot of the supporting actors are wasted.

It’s going to lead to studios learning the wrong lesson. They’re going to think “let’s make movies based on toys”, rather than “let’s have movies which are well written”.

Best Moment: America Ferrara’s monologue about womanhood. Absolute perfection.

Worst Moment: The chase scene in the office is a bit drab.

Best Performer: Ryan Gosling. Robbie is good, but if she didn’t have Gosling to bounce off, it wouldn’t work.

Opening: Essentially 2001: A Space Odyssey but with Barbie instead of a monolith, showcasing how she was the first doll that wasn’t a baby. The kids respond to this by throwing away their old dolls. Somehow, this was described in at least one review/commentator as “children say they want to kill all babies and then massacre them”.

Closing: Barbie goes to a gynaecologist. Again, some reviewers misconstrued this scene and said it was her “getting a sex change/having an abortion”. This is why media literacy is important, it stops idiots. It could have ended slightly more powerfully than it does, but it works.

Best Line: The aforementioned monologue.

Original Review here

Bottoms

Ups: Hilarious.

In your face.

Fun performances.

Downs: They never really feel like outcasts. They say “We’re at the bottom” but it never feels like it.

More could be done to set up the school rivalry.

The dickhead jocks never get their comeuppance

The use of music at some points could be better

Best Moment: The final fight. Violent, stylistic brilliance.

Worst Moment: The falling out between the characters feels a little fake.

Best Performer: Ruby Cruz

Opening: The main characters at a fair. Sets up their characters well enough, gets some jokes out the way quickly too.

Closing: A tree bomb explodes, disappointing a local goth who is displeased about the gimmick infringement. Such a hilarious coda.

Best Line: “Let’s do terrorism”

Original Review here

Godzilla Minus One:

Ups: Visually stunning.

Has a purpose.

Mature.

Godzilla is terrifying.

Compelling story.

Downs: Bit too unsubtle.

There are a few moments where the effects are a bit too “man in suit”.

Hard to see it appealing to casual movie-goers

Best Moment: The attack on Ginza. Especially when it ends on a nuclear explosion.

Worst Moment: Shikishima receives a telegram, only because it kind of telegraphs the ending.

Best Performer: Ryunosuke Kamiki.

Opening: Godzilla attacks an island. I like that we got to see him early, and the scene is BRUTAL. This is not a monster who is aiming for balance etc, this is one that wants to kill humans.

Closing: Godzilla flesh starts to mutate. I really hope we get a sequel.

Best Line: Is your war finally over?

Original Review here

John Wick: Chapter 4

Ups: Some great fight scenes.

Donnie F’ing Yen

Keanu Reeves continues to kill it.

Good world-building

Downs: Bit too long.

Requires you to remember too much from the previous films.

Lacking “THAT” scene.

Best Moment: John in a hotel. Mainly because of how it’s weirdly shot and I loved it. Was like a video game at times.

Worst Moment: The Continental being destroyed could have been done better.

Best Performer: Keanu Reeves

Opening: John travels to Morocco and kills the elder. Unless you’ve seen (and can remember) the previous films; this meant nothing.

Closing: It ends the only way it could. The place it’s been heading to since the first film.

Best Line: “You arrogant asshole”.

Original Review here

Missing

Ups: Very original idea.

Ties into Searching brilliantly.

Incredible twists and turns.

Great performances.

Rewards a second viewing

Downs: The gimmick will be hated by some people.

Best Moment: The twist, it’s so good.

Worst Moment: There’s a death which seems out of place.

Best Performer: Storm Reid

Opening: Camera footage of a 6-year-old June with her father James, who died shortly after the video was made. Very good, and when you learn the context later, so much better.

Closing: The story has been adapted into a Netflix show. Weirdly funny and feels so true.

Original Review here

Past Lives

Ups: Very sweet.

If you let yourself into it, it opens itself up to you beautifully.

Stunning shots.

The leads have great chemistry.

Downs: Might be a bit too slow for some.

Not much happens.

Best Moment: The diner scene, it says so much about the relationship between the three.

Worst Moment: The title drop, seems like it was only there to get the title in.

Best Performer: Teo Yoo

Opening: The two main characters meet as children before leaving each other. Very sweet.

Closing: Essentially “we’ll see what happens in the next life”.

Best Line: You make my world so much bigger and I’m wondering if I do the same for you?

Original Review here

Polite Society

Ups: Great twist

Fun fight scenes.

Likeable characters

Good performances

Downs: The twist may put people off

As good as the stunt scenes are, there are none that stand out as “best scene ever”

Best Moment: Torture wax.

Worst Moment: The school fight scene might be a bit too silly for some.

Best Performer: Priya Kansara

Opening: She introduces herself, fun, and gets her character across well.

Closing: Not saying, the entire final third of this is a huge head-fuck, I love it.

Best Line: The gods whispered to the warrior, ‘You will not withstand the fury.’ The warrior whispers back, ‘I am the fury!’

Original Review here

Spider-Man: Across The Spider-Verse

Ups: The animation.

Best use of the multiverse in cinema this year (ordinarily that would be damning with faint praise, but lately?)

Has one of the best villains in superhero movie history

The different Spider-men are all great

Emotional

Downs: The soundtrack isn’t as memorable as the first one.

Ends on a cliffhanger

The studio treated the animators like dicks apparently.

Best Moment: The explanation of canon events.

Worst Moment: About 5 minutes from the end where you realise they don’t have enough time to wrap the stories up.

Best Performer: Shameik Moore.

Opening: Gwen Stacy fights a version of the Vulture from a universe made to look like an Italian Renaissance painting. Visually interesting, and very cool. But some people might have preferred it to start with Spider-Man

Closing: Miles is in trouble, and Gwen is establishing a team.

Best Line: Almost everything Hobie said

Original Review here