Abigail (2024) Review

Quick Synopsis: A group of would-be criminals kidnaps a 12-year-old, and don’t even do that right. Losers.

I’ve spoken before about going into some films completely blind, having not even seen a trailer. I wish I had done that for this. The more you know about Abigail, the worse it is. A lot of the film is spent with the killer in shadow, making you think the killings are being done by a hitman working for Abigails’ mob boss father. But if you’ve seen the trailer, you know that Abigail is a vampire, so you know what’s happening. To be fair, the title and the poster do that too. It’s a film called Abigail, and the poster features that character in a bloodstained dress, so even if you don’t know she’s a vampire, you do know that she is responsible for the deaths. So the whole “what is happening? It’s a secret” aspect of the opening half is wasted. I know we didn’t see a lot of Jaws in the film of the same title, but we were aware it was a shark. We didn’t spend half the time watching that film and being told it was hippo.

Once the truth is revealed, it’s a much better film. It’s still good before that, but it definitely feels like it’s holding back on you a little bit. It’s shot like a horror movie before the characters know it’s a horror movie. So the vampiric reveal doesn’t come as a shock, it comes off as “Well that’s what happens next in a horror film”. Compare this to say, From Dusk Till Dawn, which comes off as a heist movie for the first half, which means the vampiric shift comes off as a genuine shock. Here, you KNOW it’s a horror movie, so you’re expecting something similar to what happens. They could have played it off like a heist movie and it would have improved it. I’ll admit, that would have drawn comparisons to the aforementioned FDTD. But heist movies are cinematically different now than they were in the 90’s, they’re now more focused on straight lines, split-screen shots etc. So whilst it would have been similar in terms of genre shift, the styles themselves would be different, which would have lessened comparisons.

I’m overexaggerating slightly, I’ll admit. The sections before them are still pretty entertaining. That’s mainly due to the cast though. I’m a huge fan of both Kathryn Newton and Melissa Barrera, and they’re both given a lot to work with even before shit gets bloody. The characters feel real, which helps sell the believability of this universe. The core group all mesh together well, to the point where their interactions don’t feel like the script is just fleshing out doomed characters. Kevin Durand does look distractingly like an even dumber Elon Musk though.

The real highlight is Alisha Weir as the titular vampire. She is believably an ancient being, there’s no “yeah but that’s clearly just a child speaking, not a 200-year-old person who looks like one”. Her physicality helps too. Her movements (or her stunt doubles movements, I dunno) have a brutal elegance to them, so even when she’s killing someone there’s still an air of beauty and art to it. The ballerina aspect to her character allows some very unique action scenes, of her walking down a bannister with her feet in the ballerina tippy toe pose (I do know the name, it’s called En Pointe, but I’m using that in a pun later). There’s a scene where she dances with someone’s corpse that is very weird and artful, but it did make me sad as it reminded me of Bray Wyatt. The music selection is pretty en pointe (ballet pun! I told you that would come back), mostly consisting of classical music which you’d normally find in ballet performances, operas, and an advert for a Ferrari Pene Piccolo complete with steering wheel, tyres, and can go from 0-80 in 5 seconds which you’ll never manage because you’re only using it to take your kids to school 5 minutes down the road.

In summary; it is just a mindless horror film. But it’s one of the better ones. With humour, some great kills, one truly disturbing moment, and just enough heart to elevate it.

2023 In Film: Day Seven (The Good)

A Man Called Otto

Ups: Very sweet.

Genuinely touching at times.

Downs: Tom Hanks doesn’t make a believable grumpy old bastard.

Some characters seem a bit pushy, I’d be annoyed at them too.

Occasionally a bit too “old man yells at cloud” with how it treats younger people.

Best Moment: There’s a seasonal transition that is the most perfect I’ve ever seen. It’s a standard shot that I’ve seen many times. But in this, it’s done so seamlessly (and during a scene in motion) that it stands out.

Worst Moment: Marisol laughs when she finds out Otto nearly died because his heart is too big. I get why it’s funny, the irony of a grumpy person having a big heart etc. But for her to react so openly makes her appear slightly callous.

Best Performer: Mariana Treviňo. Her character could be annoying if played badly, but Mariana plays her with an infectious warmth.

Opening: Otto tries to kill himself. Well, he’s at the shop buying the stuff and gets into an argument. It’s an effective way to demonstrate the character, but again it feels a bit “grrr, young people are useless today” because they’re bound by corporate policies they can’t control. News flash to every person out there; the teenager behind the till at Mcdonald’s is not responsible for the prices or the menu, so don’t yell at them about this, if you do, you’re a prick.

Closing: Otto dies, leaving the house to Marisol and her family. It is very sweet and lovely, although maybe he should have left something to his lifelong neighbour who is about to incur huge medical expenses in the next few years due to an early diagnosis of Parkinson’s.

Best Line: “Your father doesn’t support you just because you’re trans? Then he’s an idiot”. It’s nice that even though the character is fueled mostly by anger, he is still pro-trans rights.

Original Review here

Air

Ups: 2 hours, but doesn’t feel it.

Incredibly well-written.

Downs: There’s no dramatic tension because we know how it ends.

None of the actors feel like they’re pushing themselves.

Distracting amount of swearing at times.

Best Moment: Where Matt Damon is telling Jordan’s parents about how his life will go. How the public will both worship and resent him.

Worst Moment: In that same moment where we find out about his fathers’ death. Such an important part of his future life is underplayed.

Best Performer: Matt Damon

Opening: Nike are nearly closing down their basketball shoe division. It’s weird to think of Nike being shown as an underdog.

Closing: Standard “what happened next”.

Best Line: Damon’s entire speech to Jordan’s parents.

Original Review here

Ant-Man And The Wasp: Quantumania

Ups: Kang looks like a formidable villain for the next stage.

Some good visuals.

Funny

Kathryn Newton is a good addition to te MCU

Downs: M.O.D.O.K

Inconsistent CGI

The MCU REALLY needs to start moving forward.

Best Moment: How Kang gets Scott to help. Spectacularly brutal.

Worst Moment: M.O.D.O.K . Words cannot exaggerate how stupid that looked.

Best Performer: Kathryn Newton

Opening: Opens with Janet meeting Kang. Nice way to get people excited for what’s next.

Closing: Everything is fine, but it might not be. There’s an ominous feeling that Scott can’t shake off.

Best Line: “Oh, you’re an Avenger. Have I killed you before? They all blend together after a while.” Really sells Kang as a threat.

Original Review here

Champions

Ups: Funny.

Has more heart than you’d expect

Surprisingly subversive at times.

Actually cast actors with Down syndrome.

Downs: Doesn’t have that little extra something to make it stand out

Too predictable at times.

May come across as patronising to some.

Best Moment: When we find out why Darius won’t play for Marcus. Some great character stuff.

Worst Moment: The NBA coaching sub-plot

Best Performer: Madison Tevlin

Opening: Marcus gets fired from his job after shoving his boss. Good way of showcasing both his talent and his anger issues.

Closing: A chumbawamba sing-along. Fun.

Best Line: Your heart’s a long way from your knee. Suck it up!

Original Review here

Elemental

Ups: Very sweet.

Good pacing

Downs: I get what they’re going for, but if you’re pushing a story about tolerance, maybe don’t have one of the people involved be a constant threat to the other one. “People who are different from you can kill you” may give out the wrong intention.

The music is a little weak.

Very predictable story.

Best Moment: When Ember is taken to see a flower, incredibly sweet and gorgeous to look at.

Worst Moment: The whole leak sub-plot feels first draft.

Best Performer: Mamoudou Athie

Opening: Bernie and Cinder move to Element City. Very cute, but nowhere near as good as similar scenes you’ve seen before.

Closing: Wade and Ember move to a different city. Again, very predictable, but sweet.

Best Line: The shop was never the dream. You were the dream. You were always the dream

Original Review here

How To Blow Up A Pipeline

Ups: Incredibly important.

Well-written characters

Best website.

Downs: Needs to be shorter.

Weak music

Doesn’t focus on the wider implications as much as it should.

Best Moment: The conversation about what they’re about to do. Feels genuine, and says a lot about how society treats revolutionaries.

Worst Moment: The explosion itself. Its not that it’s bad, it just doesn’t feel like something that everything has been building towards.

Best Performer: Ariela Barer

Opening: A woman is nervously walking down a street, making sure nobody notices when she lets the air out of a tyre. She then places a leaflet on the vehicle explaining why. I checked, and the leaflet is fully typed out. I appreciate that. We then see a small group of other people preparing in different ways; some clone their security cameras, some throw their phones away etc. Very “heist”.

Closing: The pipeline is blown up; a few members of the group take the fall. A very dark ending considering what we know is going to happen to some of them soon.

Best Line: “But by the time the market solution does shit, billions will be dead……we need to start attacking the things that are killing us”.

Original Review here

Puss In Boots: The Last Wish

Ups: Some of the best sound design you’ll see (hear?)

The best Shrek film since the first

Provides a good sense of existential dread for a kids’ film.

Downs: The suitcase of villainy is a bit overpacked.

Two of the voices seem a bit too similar.

The physics doesn’t work sometimes.

Best Moment: The death montage

Worst Moment: The sequel hook.

Best Performer: Harvey Guillen

Opening: Standard fairy-tale opening about wishes. Doesn’t inspire hope.

Closing: A sequel hook. Eugh.

Best Line: “You’re not gonna shoot a puppy, are you?”

“yeah, right in the face. Why?”

Original Review here

Renfield

Ups: Fun

Bloody

Clearly made by people who have researched the mythos

Dracula looms over the film even when he’s not physically in it

Downs: Could go further

Predictable at times.

Needs stronger supporting villains

Best Moment: Renfield disposing of gang members in a restaurant

Worst Moment: The ending.

Best Performer: Awkwafina

Opening: A retelling of the Dracula myth.

Closing: A group of dead people have been brought back to life. Because who wants consequences in their movie?

Best Line: You know when something crazy happens and someone’s like, “It’s okay. I’ve seen way worse?” Everything I saw you do today is gonna be my “way worse.”

Original Review here

Return To Seoul

Ups: Very sweet.

Park is incredible.

Truly emotional.

Cool music, reminds me of 27

Downs: The sound is a bit off at times. Particularly in the restaurant scene. Feels like they forgot to put in background noise for a lot of it.

Given a UK release in the same year as Past Lives

Best Moment: An employee has found her mother. Top work from everybody involved performance-wise. She is never more vulnerable than at that moment.

Worst Moment: When she’s dancing on her own in a bar, it’s written and performed brilliantly. But it’s shot via a lot of close-ups so you don’t really get her sense of social isolation. Not the “worst” moment per se, but the gap between what it could have been and what it is is quite huge.

Best Performer: Ji-Min Park

Opening: K-Pop on headphones being listened to by a hotel worker who is then interrupted by a customer who wants to check into the hotel, rude I know. A quite cute moment between two people ended with “But you’re French!”. Good way of showing her cultural identity and confusion. And it’s a very cute moment between the two characters.

Closing: She sends an e-mail to her mother, getting a “This e-mail address is no longer valid” response.

Best Line: “You’re A Very Sad Person”

Original Review here

Saw X

Ups: Bloody.

Has one of the most despicable characters in the history of the franchise.

More mature than it needs to be.

Rewards patience.

Downs: It’s a prequel, so all sense of tension is gone from certain scenes.

Not as cathartic as other entries

Pointless.

Best Moment: The bone marrow trap is deliciously disgusting.

Worst Moment: The conclusions to most of the traps. They feel too timed-based. So many of them nearly make it and if they were given 5 seconds more would have completed it. This goes against Jigsaws’ modus operandi of testing people; technically they did pass the test and proved how much they were willing to sacrifice, but because they were slightly slower than Jigsaw thought they should be, they die.

Best Performer: Tobin Bell

Opening: Kramer is at a cancer support group. An incredibly mature and bloodless way to start, almost like a proper movie.

Closing: The main villain is left trapped in a room, presumably to die. Shame, she’s truly detestable and it would have been good to actually see her comeuppance rather than just know.

Best Line: This is not retribution. It’s a reawakening.

Original Review here

Scream 6

Ups: It doesn’t miss Sidney as much as you think it would.

New York changes it, turns it into a completely different type of slasher.

Disgustingly brutal kills,

Downs: The online conspiracy that Sam really killed everyone doesn’t ring true.

So Gale can do research on finance records of dead people but isn’t a good enough journalist to realise family connections? BS

Worst reveal in a Scream movie so far.

Gale’s character seems to have relapsed into her Scream 1 version

Best Moment: The subway scene. A perfect use of location.

Worst Moment: The reveal. Have you seen a movie before? Then you’ll be able to guess at least 2 out of the 3 killers. It’s far too obvious.

Best Performer: Melissa Barrera

Opening: A professor is killed by Ghostface, who then immediately unmasks. Genuinely shocked me.

Closing: Somehow everyone survives. That’s a big issue with this film is how unscathed the main characters remain throughout.

Best Line: “Not every movie needs a post-credits scene.” as a post-credits scene

Original Review here

2021 In Film: Day Six (The Good)

Cruella

I will freely admit this film is a bit bloated, but it’s still a lot of fun. Probably the best of the live-action Disney villain explorations (okay, that’s not saying much I’ll admit). It all depends on what they do next though, a sequel could make or break this. There’s a huge gap between the Cruella of the 101 Dalmations film and the Cruella in this, and I’m not entirely sure how they can manage to bridge the gap. They somehow need it for a character we support and like, to become a puppy killer. Or they could just leave it, that would probably be the smartest choice in terms of avoiding watering down this film.

+ Slick, stylish, and just a pure joy to watch.

– Doesn’t have the best use of music. Sometimes uses songs just for the sake of using them.

Best Moment: Cruella’s roaring rampage of revenge. Great fun to watch.

Worst moment: Almost all the bits with her friend from school who is now a journalist. Feels like it’s building up to something big, but never really happens.

Best Performer: Not going to go with Emma Stone. I know most people would, and she is really good. But to me, Tipper Seifert-Cleveland was more important. She set the tone early on, dropping the baton for Stone to pick up.

Worst Performer: Jamie Demetriou, his performance seems a little out of place for this movie.

Best Line: “you killed my mother” “you have to be more specific”

Original review here

Here Today

The first of three dementia-based films I’ll mention in these round-ups, all three having incredibly different tones. On the downside that does mean that you’ve seen a lot of this film before, but it has moments of Billy Crystal being incredible and those moments are soon forgotten. There’s great chaotic energy to the whole thing. It’s great to see Billy Crystal lose control. He’s normally so in charge comedically that it’s jarring to see him lose it, but it’s perfect. There are moments where it feels like it’s going into rom-com territory, and that’s when it’s the weakest. Also when it goes into the “look, a young cool black person has come in to shake up the white establishment” tropes a bit too often. But it has so much heart that it’s forgivable. Like I said, there are three films about this topic out this year. They are all very different, and The Father is technically better, but this one feels more personal to the writer.

+ A film about this topic shouldn’t be this funny.

– There’s a plot point that seems to have been dropped and could have provided a lot more emotion if it was properly explored.

Best Moment: The 180 his family do when they find out the truth, believable and completely heartbreaking.

Worst moment: The very end where he has a vision of his ex-wife sitting nearby. A bit schmaltzy and silly, doesn’t really gel with the rest of the film.

Best Performer: Billy Crystal. He owns this film.

Original Review here

In The Heights

Magic. That’s the best way to describe this. It truly transports you to a different place. This is the first straight-up musical I’ve seen since 2016’s La La Land, and I much prefer this. For starters, the characters are more likeable, the standard of songs across the board is better (although La La Land did have some crackers), and the choreography is consistently solid. I know normally it’s expected to compare musicals to other musicals, or to compare films by minorities to other films by minorities (algorithms consider Boyz In The Hood and Spiral the same, despite being wildly different they’re both “black movies so if you like one you have to like the other, right?”). This? This is more like The BFG from a few years ago, which anybody who knows me knows I absolutely love. It has that same sense of warmth and love to it. But there’s also a darker edge, it’s a film about worry, about family, about legacy. But it’s wrapped up in sun-kissed songs so delightful that you don’t notice how dark the subjects they’re talking about are.

+ The warmth and magic this fills you with.

– There are moments where the song just seems to be there to delay the narrative.

Best Moment: The opening song, a great way to introduce the characters.

Worst moment: There’s a song near the end which could stand to lose a verse or two.

Best Performer: Logic dictates it should be Anthony Ramos as the lead Usnavi, but Melissa Barrera is truly the MVP of this, providing the real emotional core.

Original Review here

Last Night In Soho

This is a joy to watch. The colours, the music, it’s incredible to watch in terms of directing. The downside is the pacing. It’s a pretty big downside though. There are some incredibly repetitive moments, particularly in the middle section. It’s a shame as otherwise, this is a fine film, and if it wasn’t for how tiring that section this, this would be rated much higher. But it really killed all momentum the film had up that point. I would still say you need to watch this though, the performances are great (although Anya-Taylor Joy isn’t in it as much as the advertising may make you think), and like I said, it looks phenomenal. Plus these are the best written female characters he’s ever had in his films.

+ The truly inventive and unique visuals. Really makes you annoyed that his version of Ant-Man didn’t work out.

– The pacing. Kills it

Best Moment: The club set pieces.

Worst moment: Jack murdering Sandie. Turns out not to have happened so is only really there to confuse and set the audience/Ellie on the wrong path. It’s like telling a deliberate lie to someone, and then mocking them for believing it.

Best Performer: Thomasin McKenzie. Scarily good.

Best Line: “This is London. Someone has died in every room in every building and on every street corner in the city.” Really dispels the myth of London as a place where dreams come true, reminds you that it was pretty shitty for most of its history.

Original Review here

Malignant

When I came out of this I actually had to message someone “have you seen this yet?”, I needed other opinions, this film did a lot well, but the thing it did best was staying with you after it ended. After watching it, it will bounce around your head for a while. So why isn’t it listed higher? Mainly because of how uneven it is. There are some effects which just look a little bit silly compared to the rest of it. Plus the romance sup-plot does not work.

But what does work is almost everything else. It looks great a lot of the time, there were so many times when I was watching this and thought “that would make a good poster”. Most of the performances are good, and the music is solid. It’s also pretty f*cking weird, especially the third act which is just sheer glorious insanity. I’m doing a disservice to this by ranking it this low, I am aware of that, but the subplot really hurt it. You still have to see it. Plus it features both Madison Wolfe, and McKenna Grace, which means the odds of the two being in a road trip movie together in a few years time has increased slightly.

+ Even if you hate it, you won’t be able to turn away.

– The main “couple” have no chemistry at all.

Best Moment: The third act. It’s longer than most moments, but trust me.

Worst moment: When the thing is revealed, built up as really shocking and strange, but the budget lacks it down.

Best Performer: Annabelle Wallis.

Worst Performer: George Young.

Original Review here

Ninjababy

A refreshing pregnancy comedy. The main character, Rakel, never thinks for one second about raising it as her own, and the film never judges her for this decision. She recognises she is not in a position to do it, so it’s best she doesn’t. It helps that she’s played by Kristine Thorp, who I’m not familiar with (probably because I haven’t watched any other Norwegian comedy-dramas before). Thorp does a wonderful job of making her character likeable. Helped by the writing though, the way the character interacts with everyone around her is delightful.

+ The use of animation overlays gives it a unique visual style and cool punky energy.

-The music choices seem wrong.

Best Performer: Kristine Thorp, obviously.

Best Line: “Blood and suffering!” Never thought that line could be delivered in a weirdly heartwarming way.

Original Review here

Promising Young Woman

If I had to use only one word to describe this, it would be “harrowing”. I imagine this is a more disturbing watch to women, as they’ll recognise a lot of this. I am definitely watching this as an outsider, and even then this is a disturbing watch. It does so much right though. Films have a strange view of rapists. They’re nearly always shown as the creepy guy, or the sociopath, a stranger in the night who breaks into your house and forces themselves on you. They don’t often display them as the “nice” guys who help a drunk woman home and then take sex from them while they’re passed out. A lot of the guys in this film are not good people, even the background characters. At one point she gets cat-called, the standard “show us your tits”, she just stares at them and says nothing, their response to this is “fuck you”, obviously. Just shows how they don’t really want any sign of accountability.

Moments like that have led to this film being called “anti-men”. It’s not, it’s clearly not. It’s anti-rapist and anti-rapist supporters. If you think being against rapists means you’re against all men, that says a lot about you and your friends. The only way you can take this film as a personal attack against you is if you’re the kind of person who needs attacking. The kind of guy who makes sure the drinks his female friends drink have a little bit more alcohol in them than they think, in the hope they’ll be drunk enough to make bad decisions with you later. You’re not a rapist, you’re a nice guy. You’re her friend aren’t you?

Die in a fire.

Back on point, the ending of this where she dies (spoilers) is hauntingly long. Incredibly uncomfortable as it happens in real-time. This is apparently realistic, that is how long it would take for someone to die by that method. It also completely absolves the guy doing it of any innocence. To do something for that long is not a “spur of the moment”, you have to be a calculated scumbag to do that. So it’s so satisfying when he then gets arrested at a wedding. It did originally end with the murder, so glad they changed it. It now has a much more satisfying ending. not quite as realistic, but it means you end the film with some sort of closure.

+ Such an important movie, as some of the responses to it have proven.

– It’s weird for a near two-hour film to have this many underdeveloped themes and characters.

Best Moment: The opening, sets the tone perfectly.

Worst moment: Not really a moment, but the romance with Bo Burnham’s character feels underwritten, so the reveal near the end doesn’t land.

Best Performer: Carey Fucking Mulligan. Obviously.

Best Line: “It’s every man’s nightmare to be accused of that” “do you know what every woman’s worst nightmare is?”

Original Review here

Supernova

The second of three dementia-based films, and probably the one I’m least likely to go back to. It is still very good though. This one is more focused on the coming storm, somebody who knows what is going to happen and is scared of it. The downside to this approach is it means you don’t really FEEL what he’s going through. You don’t see what he’s fearing that much. Compared to Here Today or The Father, where you knew exactly what they were going through, here he mostly seems composed, with a moment every so often to remind you, but moments which are said rather than shown.

+ The relationship between the two.

– When the two aren’t on screen together, the film seems to lose a step or two.

Best Moment: The dinner party

Worst moment: When Tucci’s character is talking to someone about stars going out in a blaze of glory. Very unsubtle.

Best Performer(s): Tucci/Firth. They work so well together as a couple.

Best Line: You know what the hard part is? It’s that you’re… you’re just… you’re not supposed to mourn someone while they’re still alive.

Original Review here

The Night House

This really sucked me into it. I felt like I was inside the film and it was all happening around me, rather than seeing it on a flat 2D-screen while pet-watching for someone (for some reason my brain thought I saw it at the cinema, that’s how much it sucked me in). The director, David Bruckner, also gave us The Ritual, another highly recommended film. He’s a director you really need to keep an eye on in the future. He’s doing the next Hellraiser film, so it might be time for me to actually watch one of those.

+ The look. The whole thing looks like a damn postcard.

– Some may find it a bit dull. Plus, the “good guy” still murdered a lot of innocent women. And the film never really focuses on that.

Worst moment: When it reveals that her husbands suicide note saying “Nothing is after you” meant “there is a demon called Nothing, he is after you”. That’s just deliberately vague and unhelpful. Purely to drive the plot forward.

Best Performer: Rebecca Hall. Easily.

Best Line: “I was the depressed one, he was the one there helping me. Maybe I infected him”. Damn, that’s…..that’s worrying. It’s beautiful though in how it captures the thought process of someone with depression. You feel guilty about being depressed, and that you’re to blame for any bad things that happen to anybody. It cuts deep, too deep.

Original Review here

The Power

There’s a line in this “I grew up in Our Lady Of Grace, a children’s home”. Okay, not a great line, but the utter contempt on the face of the nurse opposite when she gave that line was great and summed up societies attitudes on children from them. Especially since it came straight after the nurse said there’s no link between poverty and health it’s just “people round here live like animals”. That’s what this film is, it’s a magnifying glass on injustice.

+ The general sense of dread

– The editing could be better in some of the ending moments. Plus the character seems to be written just to garner sympathy at times, could be better written.

Worst Moment: Screaming match at end, comes off a little silly.

Best Performer: Rose Williams. The physicality is incredible, and there’s something of the Natalie Portman to her

Worst Performer: Diveen Henry. Purely because for one line her accent wavered.

Best Line: “A place people die in should never be allowed to get that dark”

Original review here