2024 Film Awards: Day Three (The Individual)

Best Performer

Marisa Abela – Back To Black

I wasn’t a fan of the film itself, I found it was a biography that seemed to absolutely detest its lead character. Abela handles the role well, to the point where you sometimes forget you’re not watching Winehouse. The character goes through a lot, but Abela’s performance is consistent throughout.

Demi Moore – The Substance

It’s hard to think of what hasn’t already been said about Demi Moore in The Substance. Margaret Qualley is good, but Moore is the lynchpin. Qualley’s character is more an idea than a fully formed person, so she doesn’t really need to stretch her skills that much. Moore, however, has to go through so much emotional turmoil. The scene where she has a breakdown and smears her make-up is a masterclass in performance.

Nell Tiger Free – The First Omen

Considering the talent in TFO, it would be easy for Nell Tiger Free to be overshadowed. The knives were going to be out, they always are for lead performers in horror prequels. Those knives will have to be resheathed, Tiger Free does a phenomenal job. She has incredibly expressive eyes, reminds me of Daniel Daluuya in Get Out.

George Mackay – The Beast

Based almost entirely on the incel speech he delivers. I estimate that in roughly 10 years he will be known as one of the great actors of this generation. He’s not always in good films (Marrowbone), but he’s always good. He does have “Fighter in a world war” face, so parts of The Beast are very different from him, really showing his range.

Emma Stone – Poor Things

Emma Stone has a history of traditional leading role parts, but in the last few years she’s got fucking weird, and I’m all for that, because she’s good at it. Her physicality, in particular, is tremendous in this. There’s no point where she seems like a normal human adult. She carries herself in a very unique way that’s mesmerising.

Anne Hathaway – Mothers Instinct

Mothers Instinct would fall apart without Hathaway. Because the audience is never sure whether she’s actually a bitch, or whether she’s just haunted by trauma, she needs to find a way to play it both ways at the same time. If she leans too much in one direction it would give the game away (or seem disingenuous). Most performers would not be able to do what she did as effectively as she did it, and it just adds to the reasons I love her.

Daisy Ridley – Sometimes I Think About Dying

As I said in the year round-up “If your lead character doesn’t say something for 20 minutes and you’re not frustrated, she’s doing a good job.” She’s been unfairly maligned by internet fans for having the temerity, the absolute gall, to be a woman in a modern Star Wars movie. But times like this remind you that she’s actually a FANTASTIC performer. Her subtle expressions and change of vocal performances to every line means she does so much with so little, and I love her for it.

Kate Winslet – Lee

Kate Winslet is one of those performers I’ve never really “got”, primarily because she tends to be in the kind of films I don’t particularly like. But it’s when you see her in something like Lee that you realise “ohhhhh, she’s actually really good at this whole acting thing”. She’s let down by acting alongside performers who aren’t quite on her level. But I absolutely love her performance in this, it’s pain, in a good way.

McKenna Grace – Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire

If she’s in a film I watch, she gets nominated, thems the rules. Plus I nominated her for the same role in the other film, so it would be weird if I didn’t do so here.

Zac Efron – The Iron Claw

Efron looks nothing like who he’s supposed to portray, truth is, almost nobody in this film does. But he carries himself with such presence that it doesn’t matter. People who know the real-life family have complimented him on his performance. Efron seems to be doing everything he can to step out of the shadows of his famous role, and The Iron Claw is another step towards doing that. He shows just how damn good he can be when he’s given the chance. You can see it in his face how his character gets gradually broken down as his family unit continues to disappear. What really nails it, is the final scene when he’s talking to his sons. That moment was one of the most heartbreaking things I’ve ever seen, and I once had my biscuit fall into my cup of tea.

Winner

Cailee Spaeny – Alien: Romulus/Civil War

Both of those performances are award-worthy on their own. She went from “I have no idea who she is” to one of my favourite performers in just two films. I’m genuinely excited to see what she will do in the next Knives Out movie. She has a lot on her shoulders in both these films; in one she’s working alongside much more experienced performers, and in the other? Well it’s a fucking Alien movie and she’s a female lead, she’s going to get attention, and has to be strong enough to not buckle under it. Alien has a tendency to have incredibly strong female leads, and manage to find incredibly talented performers to play them. I was more impressed with Spaeny in Civil War though. Kirsten Dunst is kind of war-weary and cynical, so a character like Spaeny is needed to really sell how horrific everything is. She provides the human viewpoint to an inhuman world, and if Spaeny wasn’t talented, it wouldn’t work. Her character could easily be too tough, which would make it hard to buy into the horror. Alternatively, she could appear too weak, and then you wouldn’t root for her. She has to find a fine balance between “innocent” and “not naive”. She plays it perfectly.

Worst Performance

I should point out, there was a genuinely TERRIBLE performance that I haven’t nominated here. It’s a low-budget movie and it’s the first notable role for the performer who has only ever been credited as “unnamed maid” in things before. Essentially, I felt it would be bullying to name them, and if they googled themselves and stumbled upon me lambasting them and comparing their performance to low-budget porn, I would genuinely feel mortified. Big-name actors, or actors in multi-million dollar films? Yeah, they’re fair game, fuck ’em.

Aaron Dean Eisenberg – The Iron Claw

I often call out fans for disliking a casting because “they’re not exactly like the person they’re supposed to be. The character is 6 foot, and this person is only 5 foot 11. Ruined!”. And I appreciate when castings look nothing like the person, but embody the character. But my word, Eisenberg could not have been less like Ric Flair if he blacked up and spoke with an Australian accent. There is nothing in the real-life Flair in his performance. They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, well this is an insult.

Jerry Seinfeld – Unfrosted

It reminded me of that episode of Seinfeld where Jerry kept corpsing. Oh wait, that doesn’t narrow it down.

Andy Samberg – Lee

It’s not that his performance is bad in a vacuum, but he’s acting alongside Kate Winslet, so had to be on the top of his game, and it feels like he’s not.

Jack Kesy – Hellboy: The Crooked Man

Think of the performers who have taken the mantle of Hellboy; Ron Perlman, David Habour; two genuine heavyweights who can add gravitas, humour, and physical intimidation to the role. And now? It’s some guy. I’m not saying the character needs to be played by a big-name actor. But it needs someone with presence, someone who you can look at and KNOW “That? That’s a star. Or at the very least, that’s someone I know will beat the shit out of me and make jokes while doing so”. It feels unfair to criticise someone for not having something unreachable. And I’m not saying Kesy is a bad actor, far from it, but he was without a doubt the wrong choice for this role. It would be like casting Christopher Reeves as Superman, in 2024.

Chris Evans – Red One

Much like Kesy in H: TCM, the main issue here was of being miscast. It’s not quite as bad as it was in Hellboy, because we hadn’t already seen Chris Evan’s character in 3 other films being played much better. But it is still an issue, and one I can’t ignore.

Aaron Taylor-Johnson – Kraven The Hunter

Mainly because of his accent. Sorry “accents”, plural, because he couldn’t decide on just one.

Winner

Dakota Johnson – Madame Web

I have issues with the Razzies. I don’t believe they recognise the difference between “this performance was bad” and “this was a performance in a bad movie”. For example; Joker: Folie A Deux had MANY problems, but the performances of Phoenix and Gaga were not among them. So it came as a shock to me that we actually agree on this. Dakota Johnson gave a performance that was so flat that even if you saw it in 3D she’d be 2 dimensional. She looks like she can’t be bothered to show emotion. I recently had incredibly bad toothache which required me to be shot full of painkillers in my jaw. The bottom right of my face was unable to move for half a day, it still did more work than she did in this

Best Character

Nominees

Andy – Alien: Romulus

Yes, I gave Cailee Spaeny the best performer, but Andy’s character was better. Incredibly awkward, disliked by most people, and fond of making terrible puns. Still not entirely sure why I related to him so much.

Monk – American Fiction

Yes, this character has been done before. The “I created this as a joke and now people are taking it seriously” trope is not exactly completely original, especially in regards to black stories, where it has been done before (I’m thinking primarily of 2000’s Bamboozled). But there’s something about the way Monk is written (and performed, that has to be pointed out) that is utterly captivating. You feel his frustration, his anger, and eventually his acceptance. You can tell how beaten down he is by the world, and how (white) people are reacting to his words. He’s also INCREDIBLY funny.

Lee Smith – Civil War

Everything about this character can be summed up in a single line of dialogue: “”Every time I survived a war zone, I thought I was sending a warning home – “Don’t do this”. But here we are.””. Named in tribute to WW2 journalist Lee Miller (who JUST missed out on this list), her tenacity and character earn the honour of her namesake. More than anything else, her character shows the importance of war journalism. It’s difficult to distance yourself and realise you can’t help. But it’s essential to document how everything has gone to shit. I feel that’s an important message for the next four years.

Paddington – Paddington In Peru

It would be so easy for this character to be awful. If miswritten, it would be a very annoying bear, overly optimistic to the point of being naive, and just coming off as kind of annoying. I mean, he is overly optimistic to the point of being naive, but for some reason, it works. He is such a lovable character, incredibly endearing and sweet. It helps that he is pure. He isn’t kind because he wants something out of it, he doesn’t help people so they help him back, he has absolutely zero cynical motivations for his behaviour. In a cold world of greys and dark browns, Paddington is a kaleidoscopic rainbow of warmth

Kevin Von Erich – The Iron Claw

I feel conflicted about this because he’s based on a real person, the only one on this list (sorry to break it to you Paddington fans, he’s not real). But so was Amy Winehouse in Back To Black, and her character was terrible (It’s difficult to find a biography that hates its main character as much as that one does). So I decided to put him in this category, mainly because it highlights how well the script handled him. Watching The Iron Claw is watching a human slowly get broken, and when you think it’s over, things get worse. If this was fiction, you’d think it over the top. So the fact its real makes it more impressive. In fact, it’s actually toned down from reality. He had another brother who passed away, and the film skips the moment where his drunken dad tells him “The only reason you’re alive is that you don’t have the guts to kill yourself like your brothers”. It’s heartbreaking to see what he goes through, and it’s weird to have a film where the “happy” ending is “he cries”.

D-16 – Transformers One

This is pretty much entirely due to my ignorance. I had no idea that character would later turn out to be Megatron. So watching his descent into heeldom was a genuine shock. But it made sense. The building blocks of the evilness were there, and the way he arrived towards the switch made more sense than most films that attempt the same thing. There’s a definitive moment where the change occurs. Before that, he’s a “hmm, that’s not great”, but after it, you can tell he’s heading down a dark path, with nobody to turn the light on (probably due to the high cost of electric bills). It’s heartbreaking to see so many moments where he can be saved, and see those moments pass by again and again.

Winner

Fran – Sometimes I Think About Dying

You will either be bored by this character, or you will GET this character. If you get her, you will emphasise with this character, understand her motivations and meaning, and you will like her. You will see a little bit of yourself in her, and you will be annoyed at what she does and how she self-sabotages her personal relationships, but that annoyance will be because you recognise that you have done the exact same shit in the past, and you KNOW you will do it again in the future because of who you are.

No, just me? Doubt that.

Worst Character

Nominees

Lady Raven – Trap

The character is clearly just a way for M.Night to get his daughter in the movie. Not only is she presented as the most talented and beautiful musician in the world, she’s also smart, integral to the plot and helps defeat the villain. If it wasn’t his daughter, it would still be badly written tripe, but with the caveat of it being his daughter? Fuck that.

Garfield – The Garfield Movie

Who is Garfield? He is a cat. He is snarky. He eats lasagne. But most of all; he is lazy. Who is Garfield in this movie? He’s an action hero with daddy issues. Essentially, he’s just another Chris Pratt character.

Liam – Dear Santa

Only due to the inconsistencies in his character. The writers seem to forget what age he is so he switches between a helpless child and a teen, depending on the joke. It sums up my issues with the whole film; nobody knows what age this film is aimed at, so they try to hit all of them.

Amy Winehouse – Back To Black

I feel weird putting this in here, as she is a real person. But that’s part of the reason I disliked her character in this, it doesn’t feel honest. It’s not “here is who Amy was, she was flawed”, it’s “Here’s who Amy was, and why everyone who says her dad and partner were abusive are wrong, it was all her, they were completely innocent and never did anything wrong”. She isn’t an independent character, she’s a way for two mediocre (at best) men to justify themselves and why they deserve any money she earned.

Winner

Charles Deetz – Beetlejuice Beetlejuice

Jeffrey Jones is a paedophile. Tim Burton decided to get around this by not having him in the film. Instead, they just have the character he played be lionised by everybody, and have a claymation representation of him. Nope. You find out an actor is a paedophile, you don’t have his character in the film at all. Just say the mother divorced and remarried, then kill THAT dad off.

Red One (2024) Review

Quick Synopsis: Santa gets kidnapped.

Studios put a lot of thought into release dates for big movies. Sometimes it’s to avoid competition with a similar release which may split the audience and negatively affect the box office, sometimes because it wants to be in people’s minds when they nominate films for awards, and sometimes it is to make use of certain demographics (releasing kids films during the summer holidays etc). With that in mind, it is truly baffling why Red One, a Christmas movie, was released in the first week of November, which despite what the adverts on television may be telling you, is not Christmas. I can’t imagine there’s much crossover between the intended audience of Red One, and the intended audience for Night Bitch or the new Lord Of The Rings. There are only two ways I can justify it;

  1. They need it to fail so they can recoup the losses in some form of Hollywood accounting BS
  2. It’s going to be released on streaming services just before Christmas.

There is, of course, the possibility that they want this to be a slow-burn success, that audiences will be so impressed by what they see that they will tell their friends, who will then tell their friends and sooner or later everyone will go see it.

If they wanted that, they should have made a better movie. It’s not terrible, it’s just deeply deeply flawed. The main issue is one of tone. It’s not sure whether it wants to be a family-friendly Christmas adventure or an action movie. At times, it seems like it’s aimed at children, with infantile references and simple narratives, but then there are sexual references and mid-level swears which you’d expect in a mild 15.

I wasn’t a fan of Chris Evans in this. He’s usually very good, and he can do comedy. But for some reason, his style didn’t work in this. It’s hard to buy him as a regular human, even when he is standing next to The Rock. I should point out, that there’s a moment where Nick Kroll gets possessed, and the vocal performance is bad to the point of embarrassment. Other than that, most of the performances are fine, and it’s always nice to see Bonnie Hunt.

There are also pacing issues. It takes FAR too long to get to the point. The opening also repeats itself or says things that could have been saved for later. Personally, I think we should have stayed with Chris Evans character before moving to the mystical part, then our experiences would have been similar to his, with our eyes and minds slowly being shown the magic.

The magic is the best part. Red One incorporates so many worldwide Christmas myths and legends that it’s almost an educational experience. I really enjoy the way they incorporate Gryla. I kind of wish they put more in, but I suppose the hope was to save them for sequels.

In summary; disposable fun, that really should have been released either straight to streaming or closer to Christmas. At the moment, it feels like it’s been sent out to die, and it doesn’t deserve that.

The Gray Man (2022)

Quick Synopsis: When the CIA’s top asset — his identity known to no one — uncovers agency secrets, he triggers a global hunt by assassins set loose by his ex-colleague.

Bless netflix, they keep trying. The way people consume movies has changed, and netflix, logically, wants a piece of that. Big-budget, loud, explosive blockbusters always sell to the masses, so that’s what they try. They’re not going with small actors and directors either, they’ve roped in Will Smith, Ryan Reynolds, The Rock, Adam Sandler, Scorsese, De Niro etc. But they still can’t quite to the level needed. Yeah, the stuff gets watched by people, but the effects don’t last long. Just compare that to the television shows they’ve done; you don’t need to have watched Stranger Things to be aware of it. Stranger Things, Sandman, House Of Cards etc, they’ve penetrated pop culture in a way that none of the Netflix original movies has managed.

So, does this movie break that underwhelming run? I mean, it’s got Ryan BabyGoose, Chris Evans in full heel mode (and reunited with fellow Knives Out cast member Ana De Armas), it’s based on a successful book (which has sequels, so easy to franchise), and made by the Russo brothers (no, not Vince Russo, even netflix aren’t that stupid), who directed two Captain America movies, and the last two Avengers movies (you may have heard of them). So all pre-watch indicators say that it should be great.

I mean, obviously, it’s not, if a film was that good, I wouldn’t have waited until the third paragraph to let you know. That whole preamble was just to set up the inevitable disappointment. It’s alright, but it’s been less than a week and I’ve already forgotten a lot of what happened. The trouble is it never feels like it has its own identity. Die Hard is “the film in the skyscraper”, John Wick is defined by its stylistic choices. There’s no equivalent way to describe this. I’m not sure how you would define this movie in terms of describing it in a way that makes it stand out (I’m not sure “That Netflix Action Movie” counts). You won’t watch other films in the future and think “ah, they stole that shot from The Gray Man”. You’re not going to hear someone in the future say “I was inspired to get into film-making/writing by watching The Gray Man”. All it does feel like is a tribute to other films. The whole thing feels like a remake of a 90s Harrison Ford film which starred a young Ben Affleck as the villain. A film made in 2022 shouldn’t feel as dated as this does. It is possible to do a spy film, adhere to the tropes, and not feel as 90’s as this one does.

It does have it’s good side; Chris Evans playing an evil prick is always entertaining to see, and Ryan BabyGoose never fails to bring it, De Armas continues to impress but still needs THAT role to take her to the next level. Personal opinion, they messed up on one bit of casting. There’s a character at the start (Sierra Four) who is an assassin who worked for the CIA and gets killed while attempting to expose corruption. Considering the genre, and the pull that the Russo brothers have, they should have had a big name here. A fun cameo to please the audience, instead it’s just some guy. I mean, no disrespect to Callan Mulvey, he’s a talented performer, but it definitely feels like a wasted opportunity.

That’s a good summary of the film really: it’s good, but you really feel it could be better if it cared.

Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021)

Quick Synopsis: Hah, like you’re watching this for the plot

I went in with low expectations. Everything I had heard about this was negative. If I saw an article online about it it was how it was a disgrace and never should have been made. These articles were backed up by the lack of advertising I seemed to see, I don’t recall seeing a trailer at the cinema for it at all, the only pre-release marketing I saw was the car doing a display at a local shopping centre. I actually went in on my own because I didn’t want to drag anybody else to a disappointing film.

That was a mistake, I thoroughly enjoyed this film. I’ll be honest, it has a different energy from the 80s films. Those were madcap quick ones, they had the SNL energy which a lot of comedies had back then (the influence that show had on 80s American comedy movies cannot be understated). This does have an 80s energy, but a different one, it almost seems Spielberg-ian. The warmness, the sense of adventure, the incredibly likeable characters, it’s all wonderful and very lovely.

I wish Paul Rudd was in it more, considering how he was heavily mentioned in the pre-release things I did see, it’s disappointing how small a part he plays in it, especially since his character has such obvious chemistry with some of the other cast members. His chemistry with Callie (played by Carrie Coon) is the main focus when it comes to his character, but he has a really interesting dynamic with Phoebe too. Of all the characters in this, his definitely seems the most underdeveloped and wasted.

I kind of expected that if there was going to be comedy, it was going to come from him. Nope, most of it comes from two other characters. Podcast, played by newcomer Logan Kim is an unexpected highlight. Really this film belongs to one person and one person only. A character who I watched and thought “wow, this is a REALLY good performance, that character could be an insufferable know-it-all but whoever is playing them is doing a really good job of making them likeable”. Then I saw the closing credits and figured out why, it’s Mckenna Grace. I genuinely believe she’s the most talented young performer in the world at the moment. She’s normally relegated to “Young version of the main character” in films like I Tonya, Captain Marvel, and Scoob. But when she is given the chance to lead a film she is incredible. The best example of this is Gifted, where she manages to outshine Chris Evans. Important note: she filmed that when she was NINE YEARS OLD. If she picks the right projects I genuinely believe she could end up being the most acclaimed performer of this generation. She completely nails every part of her performance here and delivers some of the biggest laughs, and some of the weirdest jokes I’ve seen. They’re deliberately bad but also still kind of funny, but definitely weird. There’s one in particular which stood out because I’m still not entirely sure if I dreamt it or not:

“How is a hamster like a cigarette? They’re both harmless until you put them in your mouth and set them on fire.”

There’s also a delightful moment where she makes a geometry pun (which did just remind me of this and this tbh) and then when asked if it was intentional says “yes, that’s why I winked”. It’s delightfully awkward and cute and I loved it.

Now onto what I didn’t love. Theoretically, you could go into this having not watched the originals. It does a really good job of catching you up on the universe and the events of the first two films (the 2016 version goes curiously ignored). The story itself does a good enough job of that. But there are some directorial choices that won’t work for newcomers and are just kind of embarrassing to long-time fans. There are too many REALLY unsubtle references. One that stood out was when the camera focuses on a twinkie for a good five seconds or so. It being in the car was enough of a reference, the camera focusing on it for that long is just embarrassing and is basically the director saying “Hey, I’ve seen the original!”. Like, we hope so considering your dad made it.

The directing is the weakest part, it has the right amount of heart needed, but it’s lacking a sense of playfulness and fun that I feel would help it. It’s in an awkward stage where it’s not directed in a playful enough manner for the comedy, but also isn’t dark enough for the horror elements. He nails the emotion though, especially at the end. I didn’t expect to hear tears in the cinema during a Ghostbusters movie, but there we are. Also, stay around for the two credits scenes. Very fun.

How We Get Through: June 2017

Films

Submarine Kid

A few months ago I made a slight adjustment to my “to do” list. I started adding names next to them so I would remember who to thank for suggesting them. I really wish I started that sooner, I want to find whoever suggested this film to me, and slap them very very hard round the face. Why? Why would you put me through this? Very Channel 5. Extremely bad dialogue. Can’t tell if it’s too American for me or whether it just doesn’t work as a film.

Under The Shadow

under_the_shadow

I liked it but can understand why some wouldn’t. It doesn’t become a traditional horror film until the closing section. Until then it’s horror on a more personal level. Wonderful blending of a war-time drama and horror that doesn’t depend too highly on the usual tropes of one or both genres. Never seen anything like this before in my life, but I really wish I had. Side note, I’ve now seen two Iranian films, both of which have strong female leads, is Iranian cinema better at female representation than Western cinema? Or is it because women are treated as second class citizens there it makes them better characters so the quality of films are likely to be higher, which increases my chances of seeing them?

The Final Girls

finalgirls7

Genuinely emotional, a lot more than it should be. It’s basically a horror film about a group of people who get sucked into a horror film. It’s done by a team who obviously really love the genre, and love film-making in general. Lots of fun little moments in it, from the closing credits appearing in the sky above them, everything changing colour when they appear in flashbacks etc. It’s really good and I wish I made it first.

The Skeleton Twins

Turns “two characters lipsynching” into one of the most emotional, character developing scenes you’re likely to see. Funny, but very very dark.

Let’s Pollute

Bit preachy, very one note and simplistic. Talks about how people are selfish because they work somewhere different from where they live, as if getting a job in a Tesco the town over means you should move house.

The End Of The Tour

jason-segel-the-end-of-the-tour-trailer

I think part of the reason I like this is because of how great the dialogue is. It flows beautifully, as was described here;

“a funny and heartfelt road movie that meditates on fame, creativity, and loneliness, through the indepth and witty conversations of its protagonists. Whether you know David Foster Wallace’s work or not, this is an accessible and great film”

7:35 In The Morning

This was on my watch list as the writer/director also made Colossal, which I loved. You can kind of tell it’s the same guy by the story, the visuals are pretty bland though. Much like Colossal, I’ve never seen anything like this before. It’s a short film about a guy who holds an entire restaurant hostage so he can sing to a woman about how much he likes her. Keeps on the line between silly and frightning in a way that’s very hard to do.

We Need To Talk Kevin

VERY film student-ey. Spends so long laying on symbolism that it forgets other things.

Spy

Jason Statham is amazing in this. Plays his role to perfection. Everyone else is still good, but not as good as him. I’d love to see more of him in a sequel. When I first saw it I expected this to be a one joke film “haha, a fat woman as a spy”, but was actually really really funny.

Gifted

A lot less Nicholas-Sparks than I thought it would be. Bit formulaic but it plays to the formula very well. Chris Evans is very good in it, but is overshadowed by Mckenna Grace, who is very very good, probably one of the best performances this year. Is it just me or are child actors getting better? Manages to do a performance which is funny, moving, and hits all the right spots in terms of body language and facial acting. Great performance. Jenny Slate was also REALLY good in it, but wasn’t in it as much as she should have been.

See No Evil, Hear No Evil

Has some continuity issues but still very good. Kind of sad to think both leads have sadly passed on. They had amazing chemistry here, you don’t really tend to get acting double acts anymore. You have “groups” that work together, but that’s normally in a certain directors films as opposed to just always together. It’s a shame as that kind of thing can really help sell a film “oh, I loved the last film I saw those two in”. It also means unscrupulous marketers can change the title of the film in foreign markets so it looks like a sequel. Which is always hilarious. “yes, the first film ended with them both being shot to death, but here’s a sequel, where they have different names and characters, but they look the same. Now give money.”

Wonder Woman

I explained my thoughts on this here. Spoilers; LOVED IT! Even the closing credits were amazing. They were like a water colour painting. Haven’t seen any this good since A Monster Calls. I like when films take the time to attempt to do something with the credits, it shows a real dedication to what they’re doing.

X+Y

The moment where where he tries to do the monty python reference is really awkward and cringey, if anything it’s worse when you know it’s coming. Only just realised how heartbreaking some of the performances were, Sally Hawkins in particular.

Books

The Stars Tennis Balls

Always takes me forever to get through the opening chapter of this for some reason. Shame as the final third is absolutely superb, it just takes a while to get there (about two thirds of the book I’d guess).

Books Of Blood

The biggest issue this book has is that it starts with Fear, which is one of the best horror short stories ever written. Anything after that would just be disappointing.

Albums

Maps

Can’t remember how I heard this band (probably the Figure 4 Leg Rock podcast), great EP, available for free, which is my second favourite price to pay for things. Trigger Happy in particular is one of my favourite songs I’ve heard this year.

Panic Prevention

The moments in songs are usually better than the songs themselves. Although “Sheila” is pretty damn fine. Listed on my itunes as “Chavvy Acoustic Punk”, because I couldn’t think of a better way to describe it.

Look For The Woman

B-sides are remixes, which is always okay. But the song itself is amazing.

Punk Rock Is Your Friend Volume 6 (Hardcore Is Your Friend Too)

I miss samplers like this. Epitaph, Burning Heart, Kung-Fu records etc all used to do really cheap albums showcasing their bands. Doesn’t really happen anymore, probably due to the rise of streaming etc. Is a shame as these were great ways to get into bands. You pick them up barely knowing any of the bands and before you know it you’ve found your new favourite band. I got this for one reason and one reason only; new Tsunami Bomb song. They were one of my favourite bands at the time and I was obsessed with them (how I felt when they split is how the rest of the world feels when celebrities die) so the chance to hear something new excited me, made me look forward to a new album by them. Sadly they split soon after, but I’ll always have that song, and no more new ones, ever *cries*.

Just The Way I’m Feeling

Relatively pedestrian, listened to it today and I still can’t remember the b-sides.

Goodbye Blue And White

It’s a Less Than Jake album with at least two Slayer covers. Weird.

Stopgap EP

Probably the most American pop-punk band that’s ever come from England. Just an EP meant to tide people over until their new album came out a few years ago. Has some good stuff on it but the best song by a mile is the cover of “Everytime You Go Away”. I do loves me some covers.

Musings On Marvel: Day 9 (Captain America: The Winter Soldier)

Directors: Russo Brothers (Captain America: Civil War, Arrested Development pilot, Community pilot)

Budget: $170million

Box Office: $714million

  • Why does Captain America need to jog? Isn’t his strength and fitness derived from the serum so he doesn’t need to exercise at all. Unless he’s just bored, in which case, go fight bad guys or something.
  • Wait, he’s got “Thai food” on the list of things to research? Dude, just go eat Thai Food. Done.
  • And Sean Connery? Not a list of films he’s in, or anything like that. Just Sean Connery in general?
  • The Captain America plan to getting into a building:
    1. Stealthy stealthy stealthy
    2. Flippy flippy flippy
    3. Loud noise! Throw shield into room so everyone knows you’re there.
  • Isn’t Captain super strong etc? I mean, he went toe to toe with Iron Man in Avengers, now a regular bearded dude troubles him?
  • “last time I trusted someone I lost an eye”, I know, people always say “I’ll tap your head a second before” but they never do.
  • “agent Romanov is comfortable with everything”, so that’s why you make her wear that skintight costume.
  • Fury gives a detailed nostalgic history of himself, he’s going to get shot.
  • “greatest generation, you guys did some nasty stuff” “for freedom!”. Random fact: the Nazi party got their influence for their eugenics programme from a programme in California. U S A! U S A! U S A!
  • Why does his friend have his own exhibit at the museum? There’s nothing about Churchill’s bff at the war museum.
  • How did he find out where she lived?
  • “I thought I could throw myself back in, serve in the army again”. You barely served in the Army. You spent most of your time doing theatre.
  • “you saved the world”. I mean, yeah, it’s a shame that Captain America doesn’t exist in real life so Germany won the war and the world has been destroyed. That sucked when the world was destroyed. I hadn’t even finished paying off my sofa.
  • Why holograms? Why not just skype? This is literally just technological dick measuring. And just as messy.
  • This film continues the MCU tradition of hoping that merely mentioning the other Marvel characters will stop us wondering why they never turn up to help each other.
  • “he has to socialise”. You want Iron Man to socialise at a kids birthday party? He’ll probably try to fuck the mother and get the kid drunk.
  • Holograms on the car window now? That’s not just pointless, that’s also highly distracting and possibly illegal.
  • I would question how they think they could stage a police attack then remembered that Nick Fury is black so they’d just need to say he littered so they had to shoot him.
  • “to build a better world we need to destroy the old one”. Wow, I wonder if this guy’s evil.
  • This fight would be over in about 5 seconds if they used the paralysing technology from Iron Man 1.
  • F*ck off can he fall that far and be okay. Super soldier or not, he still has to obey the laws of physics.
  • “he refused to share information” so you kill him? Surely one of the people working there realises that’s unfair justice.
  • “two dozen assassinations in over 50 years” That’s really not many at all. That’s like one every two years. That’s nowhere near enough to have that big a file. I mean, if I get a few more I’ve beaten that record.
  • Oh please. As if Captain America knows about function overrides on computers.
  • “if you guys need anything. I’ve been Aaron” so who are you now?
  • He didn’t eject it properly! That flash drive is going to crash.
  • That just says which buttons are pressed. Not in which order.
  • Wait, he’s seen War Games but not Star Wars or any of the Rocky albums?
  • Wait, so THIS is the guy they decide to save his brain? He’s quite useless.
  • “if you try to take freedom, they resist”. Really?  No shit.
  • How did they get such high-quality footage on a green and black monitor? This would be like watching TV on an old Game Boy. Which you can’t do.
  • So the lesson is, don’t trust Swiss people?
  • So they blew that building up, and all that data, just to kill two people?
  • “seem pretty chipper for a guy who died for nothing”. Well, you know, except Nazi’s.
  • Oh, so we can’t get Iron Man or anything, but don’t worry, we’ve got the senator from Iron Man 2 in here.
  • So Falcon has never been seen in any of these films? He wasn’t called to save the president in Iron Man 3, or to save New York in Avengers?
  • Rolling out of a car at that speed would cut your skin up so you looked like a kebab.
  • For two super cool assassins, their aim sure is terrible.
  • Winter soldier destroys a strangers car. More like Winter So-D’ya Have To Be So Rude?
  • Superhero landing!
  • They keep shooting at his shield instead of his legs.
  • Surprise! Except it’s totally not a surprise. It’s really obvious so why did they leave it so long?
  • By the way, this scene should totally have an 80’s power ballad playing over it.
  • How did they decide to use this a hiding space? “We need to think of a hiding space, any idea where?” “damn” “perfect!”
  • “about damn time”. Yeah, you should have got shot earlier, damn you ScarJo.
  • Wait, I’m fairly certain Zola was on the same train that Bucky fell off, and was captured almost immediately after. So he could not have been there when he woke up. No, no, no, nothing about this makes sense at all, and horses can’t talk!.
  • Wait, first Aldrich loses his arm in a battle in Iron Man 3, then Loki chops off Thors arm in The Dark World, now Bucky last an arm too? Marvel hates arms.
  • Awesome, a scene to show a friendship we already knew existed. Great.
  • People think that Chris Evans transformation to Captain America was well done, but Sebastian Stans transformation from Bucky to the Winter Soldier is a lot better. He’s almost unrecognisable.
  • Hey it’s Abed. Hey Abed.
  • That actually makes sense, the directors for this were hired due to their work on the paintball episodes of Community. That’s the good thing about the MCU, they’ve taken risks with new directors from different genres. Doctor Strange is being directed by Scott Derrickson, who’s known mainly for horror. They’re not sticking with established directors, in fact, the most well known one they had was Kenneth Branagh. And even that was a risk.
  • “what if Pakistan invaded Mumbai and you knew they were going to drag your daughters into a soccer stadium”. Football! Not soccer. That’s probably the most evil thing he’s done.
  • They never use this disguise technology again.
  • “are you sure you’re ready for the world to see you as you really are?” with how tight her clothes are, we already know.
  • They fired like 8 missiles at one person. No wonder the US military spend so much with that kind of wastage.
  • Even Michael Bay thinks these explosions are “a bit much”
  • “it’s trending”. Wait, I pretty much used that exact line the year before in a film. Bastards!
  • “unless you want a hole in your sternum”. 1) that’s not where the sternum is. 2) couldn’t you have done that earlier when she was hitting people?
  • “order only comes through pain” kinky.
  • Does Captain America really need to attempt to sacrifice himself? HYDRA has been exposed,  and the missiles aren’t aimed at cities anymore so everyone’s safe. And we’ve already seen he can jump from great heights and be completely okay for some reason.
  • Captain drops his one of a kind shield out of the flying vehicle, yet somehow you know he’ll find it again.
  • “there’s nothing more horrifying than a miracle” I dunno, genocide?
  • Are supposed to be surprised Bucky is alive? I mean, we saw him walk away, this scene literally serves no purpose.