Quick Synopsis: A mysterious portal pulls four misfits into the Overworld, a bizarre, cubic wonderland that thrives on imagination. To get back home, they’ll have to master the terrain while embarking on a magical quest with an unexpected crafter named Steve.

I will preface this review by pointing out that I’ve never played Minecraft. Plus, despite spending a lot of my time online, I don’t really integrate myself with online culture; I’m not really someone who pays attention to trends and memes, etc. I’m not actively opposed to them, I just don’t really give a shit. Essentially, I view most TikTok trends not with disdain, but with boredom. That’s pretty much how I viewed A Minecraft Movie (AMM, pronounced aaaaaaaaaaaaarm for no reason whatsoever except that I want to pronounce it that way). I get what they were going for, but it didn’t appeal to me.

Part of it may be that I’m getting slightly bored of Jack Blacks shtick now. Dear Santa and Borderlands, I have pushed him out of the good graces portion of my brain, and I’m beginning to realise how similar all of his performances have been lately, like he’s coasting. It doesn’t help that I couldn’t get past the notion that it might have made more sense if he and Momoa swapped roles. You have two characters; one is a former video game champion with no prospects and tries to coast on his charm, reliving his glory days through video games and metal music. Doesn’t it seem like Jack Black should play him? As it is, he plays the other adult character, but plays him exactly the same way he plays every character, which would have suited the aforementioned character better.

I was also puzzled by the opening. It establishes that Steve was a child who wanted to mine, a child who grew older and bored with life, then, as an adult, felt the yearning again and went back into the mine, finding himself transported to the Overworld. While there, he becomes a master baiter, expertly baiting a wolf to become his friend. More importantly, he builds a lot of cool shit, and pisses off the gold-obssesed leader of another dimension. Now, what became of the life of real-world Steve? Nobody cares. No mention of his workplace, wondering where his child went, no town legends about someone going missing. There’s not even much of a mention of how long he’s been gone. I’m going to do this a lot in this review (possibly), but compare it to Jumaji. Where he went missing as a child (which makes a lot more sense), this allowed the film a justification for him being so well-versed in the world. Jumanji also showed how that disappearance haunted the people left behind, which never happens here with Steve. I know there’s a possibility that this happened like that because “that’s how it happened in the game”, but it still feels odd, very first draft.

Generally, I was left feeling with a sense of boredom throughout, no more than at the end, where they do the traditional music montage with text showing what happened to everybody. Big issue: the song is kind of dull. It “rocks” with a small R, in much the same way Bryan Adams does. Actually, that’s unfair to Bryan Adams; it “rocks” in the same way as Sting does. Not asking for a piece of musical greatness that would echo through the ages, but at least make it so I can remember.

All of this hurts more because it is generally a likeable movie. Momoa is clearly having fun, Emma Myers is fine but not notable, and Jennifer Coolidge continues to be incredibly reliable, the type of performer you can give 5 minutes to, and they’ll be some of the most entertaining 5 minutes you’ll see. The visuals are fun, and the action scenes have a sense of logic to them that’s missing in a lot of similar films. Plus, there are some funny jokes and moments in there (a lot of them provided by Danielle Brooks, who’s one of the few people who seem suitably freaked out).

It really should be better, though. It’s ironic that a film about the importance of creativity should be so pedestrian and uninspiring. THAT’S my issue. The concept has potential, and the film never comes within eyesight of it.