Quick synopsis: Paul Rudd kills a unicorn, briefly.

Oh, this hurts, not quite as much as being impaled by a unicorn horn, but it still hurts. Death Of A Unicorn (DOAU, pronounced Dow, to rhyme with cow) has been one of the films I’ve looked forward to most this year (alongside the new Knives Out). The title, the premise, the cast, everything about it would lead you to believe it’s going to be incredibly fun.

It’s not. That’s the big problem, it’s so po-faced it’s practically a Teletubby. Maybe that’s my fault. I foolishly assumed that a Paul Rudd film about a unicorn killing millionaires would be fun, that’s on me. It’s far too serious. The seriousness isn’t quite as ruinous as it was for Night Swim, but it does leave a bad taste in the mouth.

Just because it’s not fun, doesn’t mean it’s not dumb, but that stupidity comes mainly from character decisions. Characters do things purely to advance the plot, with no call for logic or consistent characterisation. I did appreciate the satirical nature of it, even though the “the real monster is capitalism” message is as subtle as a brick with the words “message!” smashed into your face repeatedly. The rich people don’t come as real, and not in a way that actual rich people don’t, they appear overly written with every bit of dialogue feels like it was written solely to say “these people are dicks”, rather than “how would an actual human (or rich business owner), respond to this?”. As such, they’re too ridiculous to take seriously, more like caricatures than characters.

That’s not to say that DOAU is without its charms. The performances are great, Will Poulter, in particular, is quickly becoming one of the most versatile performers in the world. I’ve been a fan of him since I first saw Son Of Rambow, and no matter what role he’s given, he always manages to make you believe it. He’s next going to be seen in Alex Garland’s Warfare, and I have no doubt he will nail it. Richard E. Grant continues to be a lot of fun, clearly relishing every syllable he speaks or movement he makes. Ortega continues to do what she does, she’s got a real handle on that character and plays it well.

I also loved how shockingly violent it was. Yes, there’s one death that’s actually less effective in the finished film than it was in the trailer, but mostly? It’s violent fun. The horn deaths aren’t quick or painless, they’re slow and brutal, almost as if they’re being done for revenge rather than animalistic instincts. The unicorns themselves are great characters; they’re original, yet tie into the mythology that we already know. They’re not “We’ve taken these creatures and turned them dark and angry”, they’re “Yeah, these creatures have always been like this, they’ve got fucking horns, obviously they’re violent”.

In summary, it’s so mediocre that it’s disappointing. It’s also far too boring for a film with this premise. But it’s worth a watch at least one, maybe. Weirdly, I would watch it as a musical, and I have no idea why that is, I just think it could work.