Quick synopsis: A top-secret group of rogues embark on a mission to something something Nazi’s.

“This does not feel like the Guy Ritchie who gave the world Snatch or Lock Stock. This feels like the Guy Ritchie that gave us Swept Away and Aladdin. It doesn’t feel like there’s any love in it. There’s nothing memorable about it. It lacks not only his visual flair but also the crowd-pleasing narrative twists and turns. There’s a real identity crisis about the whole thing. There are so many moments which if they were fleshed out could form the basis of a great film,” that’s from my review of the last Guy Ritchie film I watched, and it’s true here. It wasn’t just that I wasn’t entertained whilst watching this, I was actually bored. The Ministry Of Ungentlemanly Warfare (or TMOUW, pronounced Tomorr-woo) is only memorable because I wrote down that I saw it. Much like OFRdG, there’s not much here to recommend (and it has a clunky title). The action scenes are okay, but the film seems to want them to take a back seat to “banter” that shouldn’t be in the driving seat. It manages to be overwritten to the point that none of it feels natural and also like a first draft.

The opening scene is fun, shockingly violent, and features some pretty decent performances. If the rest of TMOUW was like that, I’d have enjoyed it a lot more. By “a lot more”, I mean “at all”. Ritchie’s strength is not in the faux-gentlemanly characters of WW2. None of them feel genuine, instead coming off as a modern person’s idea of what people from the 90s would sound like in the 1940s.

The plot feels like a prequel to a film that has never been made. There’s no jeopardy, it’s all building towards something inevitable but never entertaining enough to distract you from that. The “heist” aspect isn’t as smart as it needs to be, and the surrounding scenes just aren’t interesting enough to hold your attention.

I can’t even say I’m disappointed. I didn’t have high expectations because of my issues with OFRdG, but there was a small part of me that hoped that Ritchie would pull it off, especially since how well-received The Gentleman TV series has been. It’s like going back to a restaurant that used to be good, but the last five times it’s given you intense diarrhoea. You know you shouldn’t go back, but your memories of the first time linger, and you will always have that hope, even when you should know better.