2025 In Film: Day Five (Meh)

Black Bag
Ups: Tense
Good performances.
Well paced.
The leads have good chemistry. Every second they spend on screen together you get the feeling they’re just one sentence away from stripping off and fucking each other right there.
Downs: Has a weird look to it. The whole thing looks like you’ve just come out of a swimming pool laced with chlorine and you’re staring at street lights.
The central mystery isn’t that intriguing.
Best Performer: Fassbender.
Best Moment: The first dinner party. Dinner parties are always fun to watch on screen due to how characters react to them. And this is a good example of that.
Worst Moment: The polygraph scene goes on a few moments too long.
Opening: George is told there’s been a leak, his wife has been suspected. I assumed the film would lead up to that, but nope, happens almost immediately.
Closing: The leaker is discovered, and their body is dumped over the river. Really the only way it could end. Something about it feels anticlimactic though. Like it’s not an ending, it’s just stuff that happens.
Best Line: If she’s in trouble, even of her own making, I will do everything in my power to extricate her, no matter what that means. You understand?
Original review here

Dangerous Animals.
Ups: Creepy at times.
Good performances.
Unique idea.
Always fun to see horror movies set during the day.
Downs: Repeats itself too much.
Wastes its potential.
Really should be 20 minutes shorter.
Best Performer: Hassie Harrison
Best Moment: The death of Heather. Absolutely brutal.
Worst Moment: Zephyr almost reaches land. One fake-out too much.
Opening: Two tourists go on a boat so they can swim with sharks. They’re then killed, with a knife. Wonderful way to subvert expectations. Up until the murder, it feels like a romantic comedy.
Closing: Tucker dies. I wanted to see more, how did the world react to the revelation of what he did?
Original review here

Death Of A Unicorn
Ups: Violent.
Fun performances.
Original.
Downs: Too serious.
Too unsubtle.
Unbelievable characters.
Best Performer: Will Poulter
Best Moment: The death of Odell.
Worst Moment: The first scientist’s death, only because it was edited better in the trailer.
Opening: Rudd and Ortega on a plane. Very comedic and fun. So totally at odds with the rest of the film.
Closing: The unicorns run police off the road. Pretty sure the cops will have dashboard cameras so will be recording that, which means the unicorns are about to be public knowledge.
Best Line: And here’s hoping we kill Bigfoot on the way back
Original review here

Lilo And Stitch
Ups: Looks incredible.
I like Billy Magnussen in it. I know some people hate it because “it’s different from the original”, but he’s a great comedic actor, who’s amazing at seeming like he’s not fully human.
Incredibly sweet.
Downs: Doesn’t go quite as heartwarming as it could at times.
Best Performer: Sydney Elizabeth Agudong. Although Maia Kealoha is close.
Best Moment: Stitch at the animal shelter. Very funny.
Worst Moment: Dr. Jumba’s heel turn, feels forced.
Opening: Stitch is being investigated. Not how I would have opened it. Mainly because it seems weird to open a live-action adaptation of an animated movie with a scene that’s mostly CGI. Feels like you’d want to showcase the filming locations.
Closing: Nani leaves for university. Not as bad as it seems at first glance, she has a teleporter so can return home. But lacks any opportunity to be heartwarming.
Best Line: Sometimes family isn’t perfect. That doesn’t mean they aren’t good.
Original review here

Opus
Ups: Incredibly unsettling at times.
Sublime music.
Good performances.
Downs: The narrative switch happens too quickly and drastically.
Best Performer: Ayo Edeberi
Best Moment: The switch. I’m not a fan of how sudden it was, but the actual moment itself was brilliant.
Worst Moment: The death of Bill. Actually a lot of the deaths. They feel neutered.
Opening: Sets up how important the musician is. I like it. It didn’t just TELL us he’s a big deal, it showed us; his music, his talk show performances, his fans. It all feels real.
Closing: “haha you caught me but that was my plan all along”. I don’t know why, but for some reason this didn’t vibe with me. It just didn’t work or land the way it was intended.
Original review here

The Amateur
Ups: Delightful kills.
Smart.
It’s nice to see people be good at their job.
Downs: Feels like it’s wasting Remi Malek
Sometimes seems like it forgets its own sub-plots
Bland characters.
Best Performer: Malek
Best Moment: The swimming pool death. There’s a reason it was featured so heavily in the trailer.
Worst Moment: “She’s not there”, mainly because it feels like a waste. Malek can give emotional monologues, and whilst the scene doesn’t NEED more than that line, it could have been an all-timer if it had more.
Opening: Charlie is attempting to fix up a plane just as his wife is preparing to leave for London. Everything about her character and their interactions screams “Dead girl walking”.
Closing: Henderson survives, somehow.
Best Line: I came here to face my wife’s killer. To look him in the eyes, and tell him she mattered. Sarah mattered.
Original review here

The Bad Guys 2
Ups: Some nice animation.
Good vocal performances.
Puts more effort into space shuttle launch than it needed to.
Downs: Inconsistent rules when it comes to the rules of the universe.
Misses multiple chances to be better.
Best Performer: Sam Rockwell.
Best Moment: When the spaceship crashes. Very brief, but got SUCH a loud reaction.
Worst Moment: The wrestling match. It’s weird how this film can open with a heist/chase that makes such great use of space and logistics, and then forgets that they’ve shown us how big the wrestling ring is, and you can’t run for more than a second without hitting the ropes.
Opening: Heist! A really well-crafted one actually, showing you what their skills are instead of telling you.
Closing: The Bad Guys are secret agents. Sets up a sequel well, but also closes the narrative of this one. So a sequel isn’t necessary, but it would make sense if there was one.
Best Line: You want to work at a bank?
Why not? Some of my best memories are in banks.
You robbed us three times.
[sheepishly] That was this bank?
Original review here

The End
Ups: Atmospheric.
Depressingly relevant.
Downs: Waaaaay too long.
The songs aren’t that memorable.
Emotional beats aren’t followed up on.
Best Performer: Moses Ingram
Best Moment: The new years eve celebrations. So much repression coming to surface.
Worst Moment: Weird choice, but I’m going to go with a moment that’s not there. We go from a really intense argument between two characters, to an unspecified time in the future where they have a child together. We don’t see the inbetween.
Opening: Mother wakes up. For a musical, there’s a lot of silence.
Closing: Son and Girl (that’s their actual names in the script by the way) have an emotionally charged argument, then we skip to some time in the future and they have a baby together.
Original review here

The Last Showgirl
Ups: Good performances.
Unique look.
Emotionally brutal
Downs: Everything good about it has been done MUCH better by other films.
Feels low budget.
Best Performer: Pamela Anderson. She’s genuinely the best thing about this movie.
Best Moment: Her audition.
Worst Moment: Shelly’s argument with Jodie. Feels fake and overly set-up.
Opening: The character performs an audition. Very nervous, and obviously lying about her age. Anderson is best known for essentially being Ms. Fanservice in the 90’s. So to see her so emotionally naked and visually honest in the opening scene? Shows you what it’s going to be.
Closing: She gives her final performance at the show.
Best Line: Feeling seen, feeling beautiful, that is powerful. And I can’t imagine my life without it.
Original review here

The Rule Of Jenny Penn
Ups: Some creative visuals.
Noteworthy performances.
Original.
Downs: Takes a bit too long to get to the point.
The title is kind of shit.
Repeats itself too much.
Best Performer: John Lithgow
Best Moment: The catheter torture scene is painful to watch.
Worst Moment: Him kicking him under the table, mainly because at least one member of staff would have noticed.
Opening: Rush (the actor, not the prog band) is sentencing someone, and does it with a blistering speech that only a seasoned performer could do. He then becomes shockingly cruel towards the mother of the victims and collapses due to a stroke. Some quite trippy camera work but feels a little bit too arthouse.
Closing: The nursing home is peaceful due to the death. Kind of nice, but I’d have liked to have seen more focus on the immediate aftermath. For one thing, how did the staff react? That’s actually a huge problem in this, the staff feel invisible except when they want to get in the way.
Best Line: “My exposure to rugby has largely been limited to watching its players dodge rape charges”
Original review here

The Smashing Machine
Ups: Effectively displays the physical turmoil that life takes on you.
Tense.
Shows that The Rock can actually act.
Downs: Doesn’t capture the time well.
Skips over too much.
Glacial pace.
One bad performance.
Best Performer: The Rock
Best Moment: Hospital recovery. So much subtext.
Worst Moment: His time in rehab. Mainly because it’s not actually there.
Opening: His first fight. Violent, and real.
Closing: The real Mark Kerr walking around a supermarket. Bit weird.
Original review here

The Smashing Machine (2025) Review

Quick Synopsis: The tale of Mark Kerr, one of the pioneer athletes in MMA.

The Rock is in a weird position right now. A few years ago, he was the biggest action star in the world, but a series of notable flops, combined with reports of diva-esque onset behaviour, has caused the world to sour on him somewhat (not to mention some of the stories he’s ruined in his role on the board of directors of Endeavor). It’s clear that he needs a rebrand. Importantly, he needs to calm down a bit and bring in his ego, instead of talking about the characters he plays as the most important ones in the whole history of the franchise, as he did with Black Adam. It feels like The Smashing Machine is an attempt at reputation rehabilitation. For one, he actually has to act. He can’t do the “shut up, jackass, I am bigger and funnier than you” shtick he relies on so much. This is probably the first film I’ve seen him in where he doesn’t rely on his charisma.

I’m surprised by just how good he is in this. This is the first time I’ve seen him and thought “he could genuinely win awards for this”. He is restrained, toned down, and clearly full of anxiety and worries, as opposed to pancakes, which is normally the case. This would not work if he gave his normal performance. At least 60% of this movie is subtext. Dialogue is replaced with a nervous look, or the audience having to piece it together from context clues. It’s strange to think that something so subdued and honest could come from the guy who played the villain in Happy Gilmore 2.

It’s not all good. There are times when you kind of wish it would show you what it shies away from. Ryan Bader gives a performance that’s okay, but is nowhere near as good as the performances he is surrounded by. No matter how good a slice of toast with butter is, if you put it alongside a perfectly cooked buttered chicken, it will not seem as good anymore. Also, this film doesn’t feel 90s. The visuals look like a cheap VHS, the colours are muted, and the music feels very 70s. I’m not saying this film should have had Limp Bizkit or Nirvana on the soundtrack; that would have been weird. But if you ignored the cards telling you the dates, you would not say this was set in the 90’s, all the film language tells you 60’s or 70s.

Narratively, it’s easy to see why some would find The Smashing Machine frustrating. There’s not much sense of cohesion between moments, which means it flows weirdly. It’s a bit like listening to a band’s greatest hits album, and it goes from their early rough stuff to a peak-of-career overproduced ballad; as good as those two parts are, it feels like you’re missing a middle step, something to bridge the gap between the two moments. It skips over some things incredibly quickly, then focuses on stuff that’s not as important. In terms of film time, Mark Kerr spends more time shopping than he does in rehab. Yes, the rehab does linger longer (“linger longer” is a fun thing to say, by the way), but it would have helped the story if we saw more of how he went through it in the first place; the struggles he had overcoming addiction. As it is, he breezes through rehab, then gets judgmental when his partner drinks. If the narrative focused more on how hard rehab was for him, then his annoyance at her behaviour would have more weight.

Overall, it’s worth a watch, though. A fascinating character study and a look at masculinity and how it can be bruised. It’s not your typical sports story, where the underdog comes from behind and miraculously wins. Instead, it’s one where someone comes from ahead and loses. Where someone’s own pride and hubris cause their professional and personal destruction. Much like The Damned United, but not quite as good.