2025 Film Awards: Day One

Funniest/Best Comedy

Nominees

A Real Pain

At times, this is the saddest film you will see, it will break you. That’s to be expected; it’s about family trauma, mental health, and the holocaust. What you may not expect is just how funny it is. So whether its with sadness or with laughter; one way ot another you will end up crying. The laughs are big enough to just about carry you through the sadness. They’re logical laughs, too. Based on believable character reactions. If you tell people what this film is about it will be difficult to convince them it’s a comedy. Once they watch it though, they’ll get it.

Deep Cover

I was weirdly charmed by this. I think the trailer lets it down, ruining most of the jokes by changing the timing or removing the context. If you think about it too hard, then the plot does fall apart. Thankfully the jokes are good enough to tide you over the plot issues. It could be funnier, there are multiple missed opportunities, especially towards the end. But the jokes that are there are pretty damn fine.

Heads Of State

No idea why, but my brain links this and Deep Cover, so the fact I put Deep Cover in this category kind of meant I had to put this here too. There are some great comedic action scenes, especially the one where they land and fight a random group.

I Swear

When this site was set up over a decade ago, there were some discussions that had to be made. Among those; the slogan. We hit upon “Making you feel guilty for laughing”. Whilst that may not be totally accurate now due to our move away from lists/opinion pieces and towards reviews, I like to think it’s still incredibly accurate when I showcase scripts (trust me, I’ve got one lined up the next time there’s a lull in reviews, and it was written just to see if I can make a VERY dark scene work). That slogan would also be accurate for I Swear. It’s so inappropriate that you can’t help but laugh. I never thought I’d say this; but this will make you laugh at a cancer-stricken woman being punched in the face. It would be so easy for this to cross the line and be offensive, but the writers make it work. It’s also weirdly sweet at times. The scene of him and the teenage girl in the car (it doesn’t go where you think it does) is both hilarious and sweet.

The Naked Gun

Not quite as joke-filled as the original movie, but if it’s a genuine surprise that you can say something like “sometimes there’s a whole 40 seconds without a joke” then you know a film is packed with gags.

The Roses

This got the loudest laughs of any film I saw this year. Absolutely shocking, but also brilliant.

Winner

Fackham Hall

Very similar to The Naked Gun in terms of comedy style and consistency. Fackham Hall wins out purely based on the fact that I’ve excitedly told more people about it. I haven’t felt a need to watch The Naked Gun trailer again (although I have kept an eye out to see if it’s been added to digital services), but I must have watched the trailer for this at least once a week since I watched it. The only surprising part is that a Jimmy Carr movie would be so inoffensive.

Scariest/Best Horror

Nominees

Companion

Not a traditional horror movie, more of a thriller. But I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention this. In terms of actual movie quality, this is probably the best of this list. But in terms of horror? Not quite. The gore is fantastic though when it is used.

Drop

Not quite as close to the horror genre as the directors previous work. But it would be hard to argue this doesn’t belong here at all. It’s such a simple premise, and one which hits straight at modern fears.

Heart Eyes

For 75% of the runtime, Heart Eyes is a damn fine horror movie. It falls apart at the end with the reveal of who the killers are, but before that it’s a modern classic. Brutal, smart, and (importantly), characters you don’t actually want to see die, so you are worried when they’re near death.

Sinners

Actually, forget what I said about Companion. THIS is the best movie in this category, probably one of the best movies I’ve seen all year, in fact (definitely top 3). It is more of a horror movie than Companion, it just takes longer to become one.

The Monkey

Silly, utterly ridiculous. But so inventive and bloody that I couldn’t help but feel warm towards it.

Weapons

I didn’t rate this as high as a lot of people did, but it would be naive of me to not say how creepy it is when it does work. I had a few issues, but they’re pretty much all personal preference.

Winner

Final Destination: Bloodlines

This was a new experience for me. I’ve seen all the Final Destination movies before, but on TV or DVD, but Bloodlines is the first in the series that I’ve seen in the cinema. It’s difficult for a movie this far into a franchise to still feel fresh. The deaths are as good as ever, incredibly creative and able to make you scared of everyday things.

Worst Comedy

Nominees

Bride Hard

I can’t sum it up better than William Bibbiani did in his review on TheWrap:

“It’s abrasively hard to watch. It’s not just that the jokes fall flat, it’s that the film looks like a pile of celluloid got chopped up randomly and reassembled in what the editor could only assume was the correct order, because the script mysteriously vanished”

Happy Gilmore 2

I suppose my main issue with this movie comes down to the fact that in the time since the first movie, I’ve matured as a person (not by much) and as a movie-watcher, and it doesn’t feel like Sandlers tastes have matured at all. The references to the original don’t feel organic, and the film doens’t trust that you recognise them, so they include flashbacks which disrupt the momentum.

Winner

Kinda Pregnant

The key to comedy is truth. It’s why no comedian has started a routine with “don’t you hate when you’re drinking a glass of lemonade and it mutates into a cheese sandwich, but your girlfriend is allergic to dairy ever since she was bitten by a yak?”, because that’s not a situation anybody can buy into, so the jokes won’t work. The central premise of Kinda Pregnant isn’t one you can buy into, and the way some background characters react makes it even more unbelievable. There are a few good laughs; I particularly liked it when she got a classroom to boo a small child, but those moments are too few.

Worst Horror

I Know What You Did Last Summer

Were people crying out for this film? Was there a need for it to exist? The third one is universally regarded as one of the worst horror films of all time (and think of the ground THAT covers). This version has some fairly decent kills, and it is nice to see some of the original characters again. But there’s not much else to it. It’s a tonal disaster, especially at the end. The story falls apart under the smallest bit of scrutiny. The first movie is incredibly closely tied to Scream, and it’s hard to argue against the feeling that the release of this was entirely due to that franchise being rebooted a few years back.

Keeper

Not so much a story, more a collection of creepy moments.

M3gan 2.0

I legit love this movie, but it’s not a good horror. Tbf, it’s not trying to be, but the expectation was it would at least play to horror tropes slightly.

Silent Night, Deadly Night

It had some good ideas, and I will always appreciate watching Nazi’s die (especially on the news), but SNDN was far too stupid for me to enjoy. Similar to other films in this category, the plot falls apart once you think about it. The murders all seem to happen in a vacuum, having almost no consequence on the town. I’m not saying every sentence needs to be “I haven’t seen Bob around, have you?”, but if a hundred people die in a small town, people should notice. Also, the deaths in this aren’t meant to be scary, you’re supposed to cheer them.

Winner

Until Dawn

Videogame adaptations are hard; do you adapt the story, or the general spirit? Whenever somebody says “dude! They should make a Grand Theft Auto movie, it would be sick” I wonder what that would actually be like. The fun in GTA is playing it, not the story, so a film would just be a ridiculous gangster movie. The best adaptations attempt both. It feels like Until Dawn focused on story, and in doing so, ruined what made the games great. I haven’t played the game, but I’ve played the Dark Pictures Anthology games and The Quarry, made by the same company. What makes those games special is choice; how seemingly innocuous decisions can kill people. Plus; you have to stick with your choices. It’s all about consequence. So an adaptation which makes a point of saying that consequences don’t really matter because it will all reset seems to have missed the point.

Most Unique

Freaky Tales

You really don’t see many anthology films, so that alone is weird. But the tone of Freaky Tales is what sets it aside. It feels like a comic book adaptation. The science fiction elements are so underplayed it’s almost as if the film doesn’t think it’s worth mentioning because they’re so normalised in this world. I can see why people would dislike this movie; but it’s certainly charming, and unlike anything else I’ve seen all year.

Here

This is a fascinating concept; essentially the history of a house told in a non-linear fashion with the camera never moving. It doesn’t always work, with the crossfading being a bit too distracting at times. It definitely would have been easier to maintain momentum over a shorter runtime, but I’m glad that it tries. It’s not exactly a success, but it’s too impressive to be a failure.

Presence

A host story (very much NOT a horror) from the POV of a ghost. That aspect is really helped by the flowing camera movement. I may not have liked this film, but I appreciate it.

The Second Act

A film that’s so meta that it almost folds in on itself. Too meta, even for me. This will frustrate the hell out of 90% of people, but the 10% of people who like it will love it. I don’t think I’ve ever been as weirded out by a realistic film.

War Of The Worlds

“Unique” doesn’t always mean “watchable”. I love a good screenlife film, and am always excited to watch one when it comes out. An alien invasion movie made like this is a fascinating prospect, but this doesn’t even come close to living up to what it could/should be.

Warfare

Another gimmick, this time, a war movie that takes place in realtime. Not many films portray the reality of war, this at least shows the horror, how it can completely fuck with your head. Essentially, it’s PTSD: The Origin Story.

Winner

Good Boy

A horror movie from the POV of a dog, I haven’t seen anything close to this outside of a video game.

Saddest

A Real Pain

It’s weird that a film can be in both the “funniest” and “saddest”, this manages it, and is a big part of why (spoilers) I’ve nominated it for best film of the year. It’s not just because of the holocaust mentions, the approach to mental health will also be depressingly realistic to those who suffer (or those with basic empathy).

Key scene: So many options. I’ll go with Benji when he loses his cool on the train. Other moments are sadder, but that’s when the mask falls furthest.

Bring Her Back

I was not the biggest fan of this film, but I appreciate the way it showed parental grief. It’s the grief that adds another dimension to the character, turning her from just another horror movie villain, to someone with relatable motivations; motivations which will break you slightly.

Key Scene: I guess the whole thing. The limits that Laura went to so that she can bring back her deceased child.

I Swear

To paraphrase the film: it’s not the tourettes which makes this film sad, it’s peoples reactions to tourettes which are the problem.

Key Scene; When he gets hospitalised due to a misunderstanding. You can tell that he is worried that that’s what his life will be like from now on. That he is always at risk of someone beating the shit out of him because of something he can’t control.

Winner

Final Destination: Bloodlines

I could spin a yarn about how this movie touches on survivors guilt and mortality, and say this film is on that list because of that. Really, it’s because of one scene, and one scene only.

Key scene: Tony Todds farewell. He wrote it himself, he knew he was going to die soon and was given the chance to say goodbye to horror fans on his own terms. Other movies have been sadder all the way through; but the real-life meaning behind the sadness is why this wins.

Sweetest

Freaky Tales

It seems like the modern world is designed to cause division and anger: from football teams, to wrestling companies, to MCU/DCEU (and even then there’s subdivision between Snyder/Gunn). In those times it’s nice to see films like this; films which demonstrate we can all come together in one uniting perfect ideal; knocking seven shades of shit out of nazi cunts (fuck off)

Karate Kid: Legends

This film was not made for me. It was made for fans of the franchise, or people who, at the very least, had watched one of the films in the franchise. I went in relatively blind; yet was still charmed.

Winner

Heart Eyes

You wouldn’t expect to find a horror movie in this section, but here we are. The romantic relationship between the two leads is what separates this movie from other horrors. The romance is so great that I would have been genuinely disappointed if it turned out he was the killer; it would have actually made sad for the character, just as heartbroken as she would be. Of course, I also would have criticised it for being predictable, but still.

Most Me

Essentially, films which may not be great, but I connected with on a personal level. Films which I would show someone to best explain my taste and personality.

Companion

Bloody, funny, and feminist as fuck. Some people have described this as “anti-male”, it’s not. It’s anti-abuse, and if you see that as “anti-male” then that says more about you than it does the movie.

Matt And Mara

A “platonic” friendship full of awkwardness and conversations that consist of pop-culture references? This is the exact type of thing I write. So it’s a shame I didn’t like this. Possibly because it’s so close to me that all I could see is how I would have done it.

Queen Of The Ring

It’s a film about wrestling, of course, this would appeal to me. The soundtrack is very me too, the cover of Gods Gonna Cut You Down in particular, does feel very geared towards me.

The Ugly Stepsister

I’m a fan of retellings, and few have been done as slickly as this was. A few of these types of movies have been bad, so when it’s done well it’s a huge relief. This doesn’t just retell the story, it brings its own identity to it too. There’s some great stuff in here, stuff that will stick with you long after the credits roll (actually, this was released on streaming services, so it’s actully “long after you get a pop-up telling you to watch something else because god forbid a streaming service actually lets you settle with the impact of a movie instead of just forcing the next one down your throat).

Winner

A Real Pain

A depressing yet hilarious film that touches on mental health, isolation, mortality, and the holocaust? Love it. Plus, it stars Jennifer Grey, who I’ve always had a soft spot for.

2025 In Film: Day Seven (The Good)

Captain America: Brave New World
Ups: Answers questions about the previous films.
Feels like part of the universe.
Fun.
Interesting characters.
Develops the wider story.
Downs: Feels more like a Hulk movie.
Suicidally self-destructive marketing campaign.
The continuity lock-out is strong
Best Performer: Carl Lumbly
Best Moment: The original assassination attempt.
Worst Moment: The reveal of Sterns. Have they forgotten how long its been since we’ve seen that character?
Opening: “Heroes break into a building”. Kind of standard at this point. Reminded me of Age Of Ultron.
Closing: Liv Tyler comes back. And the crowd goes mild
Best Line: Steve gave them something to believe in, you give them something to aspire to
Original review here

Good Boy
Ups: Tense
Good central performance.
Downs: Difficult to see it reaching mass appeal
Lack of a traditional exposition device may put some off.
Best Performer: Indy
Best Moment: Todd telling Indy goodbye. Very sweet.
Worst Moment: When the film flat-out says the house is actually haunted. May have worked better if it were ambiguous.
Opening: Todd moves into a cabin. Sets up that he’s ill very quickly.
Closing: Todd dies, and Vera comes to find Indy sitting on his own.
Best Line: You’re a good dog. No. Boy, you can’t save me. You gotta stay here.
Original review here

Good Fortune
Ups: Keanu Reeves is great.
Depressingly relevant.
Very funny.
Downs: Has all the bite of a gummy worm.
Perpetuates the idea that poverty is a moral failing.
Best Performer: Keanu Reeves
Best Moment: Arj inspiring the walkout.
Worst Moment: The way Arj gets fired. Makes him unsympathetic.
Opening: A day in the life of Arj. You can see why he’s exhausted.
Closing: An invisible taco gets eaten. Jeff supports workers rights. All very sweet.
Best Line: I wanted to show him that money wouldn’t solve his problems, but it pretty much solved all his problems.
Original review here

Karate Kid: Legends
Ups: Charming.
Fantastic chemistry between the characters.
Use of music really makes you feel like you’re in New York.
Doesn’t require previous knowledge of the franchise.
Downs: The two leads are paired together too quickly.
Repeats the first movie (at least) too often.
Best Performer: Ben Wang.
Best Moment: Mr. Han and Daniel showing off, repeatedly throwing Li onto the floor.
Worst Moment: The group fight. It should be better.
Opening: Flashback to a previous movie, explaining how the two timelines connect.
Closing: Daniel and Johnny Lawrence discuss opening a pizza place. The only part of the movie which requires previous knowledge.
Best Line: In life, you only have one question. Is it worth fighting for?
Original review here

Mickey17
Ups: Intelligent.
Great performances.
Sorely needed right now.
Kind of sweet.
Very funny.
Downs: Until it suddenly isn’t.
Repeats itself.
Slow. So very slow.
Best Performer: Pattinson
Best Moment: The dinner. Marvellous misdirection.
Worst Moment: The dream sequence near the end.
Opening: We see Mickey die. Then a quick explanation of how he got where he is.
Closing: The cloning machine is destroyed. Before that there’s a dream sequence that grinds momentum to a halt.
Best Line: I’m still good meat! I’m perfectly good meat! I taste fine!
Original review here

Nuremberg
Ups: Tense.
Very educational.
“People who are evil are still people” is an important lesson. That doesn’t diminish how scary they are, if anything it increases it.
Demonstrates exactly why the case was so important.
Downs: The lead performance.
Misses its mark on teaching you more about the other people involved.
Best Performer: Leo Woodall
Best Moment: When Triest reveals his personal history. Sums up the main thesis of the film.
Worst Moment: How the trial ends; feels kind of underwhelming.
Opening: Hermann the German is stopped by US forces. Sets up his sense of entitlement.
Closing: Text saying what happened to everybody. It’s not a happy ending.
Best Line: I am a prisoner because you won and we lost, not because you are morally superior
Original review here

One Of Them Days
Ups: Funny.
Pacey.
Characters (mostly) feel real
Downs: Occasionally, it feels like it’s moving from one skit to the next, rather than a cohesive narrative.
King Lolo doesn’t loom over everything like he should. Compare him to Deebo from the first Friday movie.
A few too many instances of Karma Houdinis.
Best Performer: Keke Palmer
Best Moment: Hmmm, possibly the section at the pay-day loan company. The blood bank scene is up there, but the reality and satirical nature of the loan company just edges it.
Worst Moment: The “break up”. Only because it feels forced.
Opening: Dreux finishes up at work. Shows us exactly how damn good she is at her job, plus demonstrates the relationship between her and Alyssa
Closing: Their rent gets paid and everything goes back to how it was, just without the threat. Yup, pretty much Friday.
Original review here

Relay
Ups: Tense
Nice use of the telecommunications device.
Low on action, in a good way. Characters like this should not be action heroes, their goal is mainly to incapacitate people until they can leave.
Downs: The villain’s plan depends on so many coincidences.
Lily James’ character repeats her motivations in two scenes very close to each other.
Best Performer: Riz Ahmed
Best Moment: Ash’s drinking reveal. Makes so much sense.
Worst Moment: The twist. Too stupid. Adds zero.
Opening: Hoffman hands back some incriminating documents he has. Plays into the ending, which is nice.
Closing: The massive company is legally reprimanded. Bit unrealistic.
Original review here

Spinal Tap 2
Ups: Very funny.
Characters feel like they exist outside of the film.
Downs: Doesn’t establish how well-known they are.
Some jokes don’t feel followed up on.
Best Performer: Christopher Guest
Best Moment: Simon’s reaction to Elton John “do we need the piano?”.
Worst Moment: The tour in the kitchen. Mainly because it doesn’t lead anywhere
Opening: Director talks to camera. Nice way of setting up what’s happened, and makes sense in-universe.
Closing: Stonehenge related disaster. And there’s some great stuff in the credits.
Best Line: We need to secure your legacy. If, during the gig one, but no more than two of you, could die.
Original review here

The Accountant 2
Ups: Great buddy movie.
Very sweet.
Always fun to see people be very competent.
Downs: Bland McGuffin.
Best Performer: I know I should say Affleck, but really I liked Allison Robertson more. I found her so warm.
Best Moment: The army of autistic teens finding out someones identity from a strangers selfie.
Worst Moment: The opening. Mainly because it’s not needed, and doesn’t fit the tone.
Opening: Death of Raymond King. Bland. Could be in any movie, not needed for this one.
Closing: The brothers go on a trip. Very sweet.
Best Line: The fall didn’t kill him. It was the abrupt stop.
Original review here

The Monkey
Ups: Bloody
Fun
Goes deeper with family dynamics than you’d think it would.
Good performances.
Downs: Some weird moments.
There doesn’t seem to be much reaction to the carnage. The characters seem very aware that they’re in a movie, so treat death with not much reverence.
Best Performer: Theo James.
Best Moment: Uncle Chips death.
Worst Moment: Probably Aunt Ida’s death, only because there’s a moment in it that it only happens because the character is an idiot.
Opening: The twins father attempts to return The Monkey. The Monkey has other ideas and decides to harpoon the shopkeeper instead. Fun, bloody, sells the concept well. Could have been called back to later though.
Closing: A bus of cheerleaders die. Funny, but needless and a bit TOO stupid.
Best Line: Everybody dies. Some of us peacefully and in our sleep, and some of us… horribly. And that’s life
Original review here

The Thursday Murder Club
Ups: Charming.
Good mystery.
Downs: Feels dated
A little bit boomer
Side characters aren’t developed enough.
The “ah-ha” moment doesn’t really work.
Best Performer: Pierce Brosnan
Best Moment: How they get Jason out of prison.
Worst Moment: The moment in the florists feels like a diversion.
Opening: Black and white flashback of a murder. Very noire. The Murder Club are discussing it.
Closing: They solve an earlier murder, but by doing so, are responsible for the death of another resident.
Original review here.

The Ugly Stepsister
Ups: Nice perspective on overlooked character.
Disgustingly brutal.
Lead actress is a great screamer.
Downs: Difficult to care about at times.
The other sister could have been fleshed out more.
Best Performer: Lea Myren. But Thea Sofie Loch Ness is close, and definitely wins the “best name” award.
Best Moment: The toes being chopped off. Dark, but kind of funny.
Worst Moment: Tapeworm, looks too silly to be serious.
Opening: An imagine spot of her meeting her prince, feels very much like a standard fairy tale/period drama. I like that, it lures you into false sense of security.
Closing: Happy ending for everyone involved; the cinderella expy gets her prince, the two stepsisters get their freedom, and the mother gets a mouthful of spunk from a party-goer.
Best Line: “You’ve cut the wrong foot”
Original review here

Thunderbolts
Ups: Actual emotion.
I will always love seeing Geraldine Viswananathan and Julia Louis-Dreyfus on screen.
Downs: Much like Netflix, it needs more Taskmaster.
The continuity lockout is getting insane.
Doesn’t juggle the characters that well. Ghost, in particular, is so underutilised that she’s only mentioned 4 times in the entire plot section on Wikipedia, and three of those are just “she’s part of this group”.
Best Performer: Wyatt Russell
Best Moment: The fight in the void.
Worst Moment: When the kid “dies”. Mainly because it reveals that the people shadowed away to oblivion weren’t actually dead, there’s no way Disney/Marvel would kill a young child in that manner.
Opening: Yelena destroys a facility. There is also a moment before that where she has the cliche “I always thought….” style narration
Closing: The group are officially titled the New Avengers. Feels slightly forced.
Best Line: The most shameful thing of all was thinking that you could be anything more than nothing.
Original review here

Weapons
Ups: Interesting story
Good performances.
Downs: The way the narrative told does mean that it occasionally feels like it’s stuttering instead of flowing.
The town doesn’t feel real.
Best Performer: Amy Madigan
Best Moment: Marcus killing his partner. The first time we truly see the power the witch has.
Worst Moment: Donna attacking Justine. Felt like it was purely there for a Lewton bus.
Opening: Narration over a blank screen. Not off to a good start.
Closing: More narration.
Best Line:  I can make your parents hurt themselves. I can make them hurt each other. I can make them eat each other if I want to. Do I want to, Alex?
Original review here

Keeper (2025) Review

Quick Synopsis: Terrifying visions plague a free-spirited artist when she travels to a secluded cabin with the doctor she’s been dating for one year.

I went into this surprisingly blind for someone who has seen the trailer at least 11 times at the local cinema. It gave nothing away. So I expected it to be mysterious and creepy. Turns out it didn’t give anything away because there’s not that much to give away, at least not until the ending. It’s not a sequential escalation of events; it’s just stuff happens, then similar stuff happens, with no explanation.

Imagine you go to a restaurant expecting chocolate cake. It’s a 60-minute time limit, but for 50 minutes, all you have access to is bread. You’re confused, trying to figure out what is going on, wondering if you’re even going to get any cake. Then, just when you’ve given up hope, the cake arrives, and it is good; it somehow explains the bread. In that scenario, are you going to tell people “the cake was really good”, or are you going to talk about how you spent most of the time eating bread? That’s my experience with this movie (the bread is nonsensical weirdness, the cake is logic and storytelling, obviously). Most of the 99-minute runtime is spent with incomprehensible weirdness instead of scares. I have similar issues with it that I had with Osgood’s 2024 movie Longlegs; it looks pretty, the performances are good, but nothing happens, and then it continues to happen. It’s demonstrably dull. Part of that is the weirdness; it overplays the “something spooky, but it was possibly a dream” moments, so nothing lands. Every time you see something, you’re never sure if it’s real, so you assume it’s not, which means nothing has meaning.

The performances are great, that has to be said. By which I mean, of the three characters we spend the most time with, one is spectacular, and is luckily the one who is onscreen most of the time. On the downside, I have recently watched Broad City, so it did take a while to move past Tatiana Maslany’s resemblance to Ilana Glazer. If it wasn’t for Maslany, I’d have HATED this movie. Her performance is incredible, which is handy as most of the time she doesn’t really have anyone to bounce off.

Perkins has injected the film with an atmosphere that’s very low-key, incredibly naturalistic. Which makes it all the more disappointing when he keeps going back to hackneyed horror tropes when we see the creatures/visions. Those visions don’t seem to increase in levels; they stay consistent throughout, so they seem more repetitive than my complaints about them.

To be honest, this is a difficult review to write as it’s difficult to resist the urge not to just repeat a lot of the sentences from the Die My Love review, maybe mixed in with my Longlegs review too. There’s a filmmaking rule: Show, Don’t Tell. Essentially, if you want to tell the audience that a character is in pain, it’s best to do that by having them wince when they move, etc, rather than have them come in and say “I am in pain”. Films like Keeper take that advice too literally, showing us random things with no explanation. Short flashbacks and spooky shit do not count as foreshadowing; it’s just annoying.

In summary, I think it’s a style issue. I just don’t like Perkins’ style as a filmmaker. Except for The Monkey, I loved that. If this were a short, I’d have loved it. But because it spent sooooo long getting to the f*cking point, I was too bored to care by the time it got interesting.

The Monkey (2025) Review

Quick Synopsis: Hal and his son Petey spend a final weekend together before Hal signs away parental rights. A weekend that’s spoiled somewhat by a toy monkey that causes brutal deaths, seemingly targeting Hals family.

Two weeks. That’s the difference between me loving this movie, and me just really liking it. The reason for this? Two weeks before watching The Monkey, I saw the trailer for Final Destination: Bloodlines. As such, when I watched The Monkey, all I could think of was Final Destination. That is unfair to this movie, I know, but I felt I had to mention it.

Aside from that? This is fun. It’s not really a horror movie. Yes, it’s bloody and violent, but it’s not that scary. There are not that many moments where you’re on the edge of your seat with how tense it is, or where you’re concerned for characters and want to see them survive. If anything, you’re intrigued. You look around the room, curious as to how deaths will occur. The deaths aren’t particularly harrowing. They are VERY bloody, and some will make you jump because of how sudden they are, but they won’t stick with you. You won’t be haunted by any of the violence in The Monkey, you may laugh.

None of that is meant as a criticism, by the way. Just establishing the tone so that nobody will go in expecting something different from what they get. The Monkey should not be a serious horror movie, it should be stupid. Remember Night Swim from last year? If so, you may be entitled to compensation. Night Swim (as reviewed here) was a ridiculous concept that tried to play it seriously and suffered for it. It should have done what The Monkey did. The Monkey is well aware of how ridiculous it is and never pretends to be anything else. That’s why it’s worthwhile. It is always entertaining. Part of that is due to the directing, Osgood Perkins knows the beats to hit both in terms of narrative and directing. The performances work too. Theo James has come a long way from having shit on his nose in The Inbetweeners Movie. He has a duel rule there as both brothers. He does a pretty good job of playing the two characters as different people, but a lot of that is due to the wardrobe design too, but James does carry both of them differently enough for audiences to never be confused.

The other performers are great too. Elijah Wood is such a dick. It would have been nice to have him in it more, but I can’t think of a natural way for the film to have that happen, so I’m okay with it. The only other performer who is given enough time is Colin O’Brien, who spends so much time with his character being sullen and uncooperative that it’s difficult to actually judge his performance fairly.

I will admit, I was not a fan of the ending. Not the lead-up to the ending, or even the final moment. But there’s a symbolic moment in the closing scene which didn’t really work for me. It felt like it was symbolism for the sake of symbolism, just to show how smart the writers are. Shame, as the rest of the film is tightly written, closing up narrative loopholes you think you’ve spotted. The characters all have clear motivations, so even when they do stupid things, it makes sense. There’s a moment at the start (the inciting incident in fact) that feels a bit sudden, two one-minute scenes building up to it would have helped sell that moment a lot better because at the moment it makes a character’s reaction seem a bit extreme.

In summary; not perfect, not essential, but extremely entertaining. I’ve sold how silly and fun it is, but when it gets serious it works too, especially when it touches on family dynamics. That’s to be expected with Osgood’s family history. Osgood’s father was Anthony Perkins, who spent a lot of his life closeted (in terms of public appearance anyway) and married to someone who tried to keep his homosexual nature a secret from his own sons. And his mother? Died in the 9/11 attacks. So it makes sense that someone like him would be effective at crossing over the line between grief and violence, especially when it comes to family relationships. With that in mind, there are parts of The Monkey that do feel like therapy, but in a good way. This is Perkins doing what only he can. He utilises his personal experience and cloaks it in a way that he can sell to a mass audience. His next step is Keeper later in the year, which looks like a more serious prospect than The Monkey, but I’m interested in seeing it.