2023 Film Awards Day Three: The Genre

Funniest

Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret
Yes, it’s sweet and very wholesome. But what I mainly remember is how endearingly funny it is. Whilst the situations aren’t universal, the feelings behind them are, and the comedic ways the characters react to them are far too relatable.
Barbie
God bless the weirdness. From the first time I saw the trailer I knew I was going to laugh a lot, and the film itself didn’t let me down on that front. There are different types of jokes too, some innuendo that wouldn’t be out of place in a Carry On film, some absurd stupidity, and some that just hit way too close to home for me to be comfortable with.
Champions
A film with this much emphasis on special needs could have gone SOOOOOO wrong. But it works here. Crucially, it doesn’t make them the butt of the joke but also doesn’t feel overly condescending either.
Joy Ride
It features a scene with a light-up vagina, and a series of scenes of them accidentally injuring a sports team with sex. It’s filthy, and it’s fucking funny.
Scrapper
I went into this completely blind, and it won me over with heart and humour. The character of Georgie is wise beyond her years, but not in a pretentious way that makes you dislike her. She’s street-smart and quick-witted. From the moment she gets caught stealing a bike and blags her way out of it by saying “I was just checking your bike was safe, it isn’t by the way” the tone is set.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem
It’s a little bit too reference-heavy, with pop-culture references flying by thick and fast. But it is mostly very funny. It’s helped by the main characters being voiced by actual teenagers, so their dynamic feels genuine. It’s a chaotic humour that suits the animation style. The dialogue feels like a bunch of teens just talking shit. The character of April has her moments too, including a vomit scene which is so over the top it goes past gross into hilarious.
The Blackening
I love a good comedy horror, in fact, as my love for Bride Of Chucky proves, they don’t even have to be good. The Blackening is good though. It knows the audience has certain expectations when it comes to black people in horror movies, and it plays with those tropes brilliantly.
Totally Killer
“Just think, maybe if she did blowjobs she’d still be alive today”
“Yeah, let’s NOT make that the lesson”
God damn, I loved the dialogue in this, the way it plays with time travel tropes, the way it points out how 80s parents at times didn’t really seem to care if their kids were alive or not.
Wonka
If you liked the Paddington movies, you’ll enjoy this. There’s a similar sense of playful weirdness which provides. It’s helped by a great ensemble cast, all bringing the weirdness, the funny, and the funk.

Winner

Bottoms
Again, a film that’s batshit insane. The final fight in particular is a masterclass of WTF black comedy. What would just be a standard football scene in most films (or at most, a quick fight) is a massacre, decapitations, explosions etc. There’s a line that comedy films have to be careful not to cross, Bottoms crosses that line multiple times and then snorts it. All the characters get jokes too. PJ and Josie are the leads, but the background characters get their chances to shine too. Personally, I loved Hazel and her sarcasm blindness.

Saddest

Aftersun
On the surface, not that sad. But when you get the subtext, when you get what’s NOT being said, it will break you.
All Quiet On The Western Front
Does a great job of showing just how futile individual effort is in a large-scale war. How you can die and it can mean absolutely nothing.
Talk To Me
Horror is a useful genre for exploring certain topics. Talk To Me explores grief and guilt, and does so perfectly. It blends together horror and sadness in some truly beautiful moments. The attempted suicide, in particular, is a mix of “Holy shit” and “please no” and is more effective than films with bigger budgets and more gore.
The Flash
Most of the film is not great. But the moment where he is essentially saying goodbye to his dead mother is heartbreaking. It is EXACTLY how I would have done it, and if the rest of the film had this much care put into it, then it would have been one of the best of the year.
The Night Of The 12th
Just knowing that you can be brutally murdered and not know why, the killer never being caught etc. It’s horrific. Murder mysteries tend to end with the murder being solved, this is depressingly realistic.

Winner

The Whale
God damn this is bleak. Much like The Wrestler (which is a great watch if you haven’t seen it), a tale of someone haunted by demons who hides himself away out of shame, which in turn alienates him from his family. They even end similarly, with a presumed but not confirmed death.

Scariest/Best Horror

Godzilla: Minus One
The big G is smaller here than in most iterations, you’d think that would make him less intimidating, but nope. His smaller size now means that he is aware of humans, and he’s not a fan (although can you blame him? What other species has invented atomic bombs, date rape, and the 2019 film Cats?). So you can’t just walk around him, if he sees you, he’s going to kill you.
Guardians Of The Galaxy Volume 3
The main villain is incredibly disturbing. There’s not enough of him in the finished product, but when he’s on-screen he’s utterly despicable and could easily work in an R-rated horror.
Holy Spider
The idea that people like Saeed Azimi actually existed, and in the modern world, is terrifying. It’s horrific how men like that don’t just exist, but seemingly thrive in some parts of the world. It would be nice if this ended with him and jail and the threat over. Whilst he is dead, it’s clear his son still thinks of him as a hero and is likely to carry on his mission. The patriarchy sucks.
M3gan
They’ve got a franchise here, and I think they know it. Reminded me of the last Childs Play movie, but with less violence. If the franchise continues though, it HAS to improve and go further. Plus it has some GREAT kills.
Piggy
Damn, people are dicks. Especially to overweight women. The sheer callousness displayed in how they treat her is uncomfortably true and will resonate with anybody who has weight issues.
Puss In Boots: The Last Wish
I’m surprised to see this here too. But it’s a kid film which fits in tales of existential angst, which I always find terrifying. Plus, it has a fantastic audio cue.
Saw X
Genuinely disturbing, and a surprisingly solid addition to the franchise. It’s as good as almost anything the Saw movies have given us. The traps are brutal and fun but do feel a bit unfair. We’re also given one of the most despicable and inhuman villains in horror history.
Scream 6
The ending was pitiful, but some of the deaths in this are brutal. The opening is nihilistic as hell and one of the best openings to a Scream movie in quite some time. It’s a shame that this could be the last good one as the seventh looks like it’s going to be a trainwreck.

Winner

The Blackening
The relationship between race and horror movies is well known, there’s a great documentary on the subject called Horror Noire: A History Of Black Horror. Films like Get Out have approached it from a serious side, so it’s about time someone took it in a comedic slant. The Blackening could not have been made 10 years ago. Racism is now politically acceptable, with politicians debating whether “This woman makes me hate all black people. I hope she gets shot” is racist or not. It’s in a “we’re not racist, many of my employees are Asian” world where films like The Blackening are needed. It kills it as both a horror and a comedy.

2023 Film Awards Day One: The Moments

Best Opening

Godzilla: Minus One – Godzilla kills an island
A really effective way of showing what makes this iteration of the ‘Zilla from nowhere near Manilla different. He is not a protector of the planet or something interested in creating balance within the ecosystem. He is a monster that wants to fuck shit up.
They Killed Tyrone – Dated Credits
This is a weird film, so you’d think a suitable opening would also be weird. Nope, it’s relatively normal. But it does SUCH a good job of setting up the themes and tone that it’s hard to think of how it could have been better. The film slowly reveals its weirdness as it does so to the characters. There are hints as to what will happen, but if it didn’t go in the direction it ended up going, nobody would have complained that they were misled.
Napoleon – The Execution
Does a good job of setting up his motivations (even though his being there was fictional and created for the film). Also, it’s nice to see an execution not be bloodless. It sets up expectations that when soldiers die, it’s not going to shy away from showing how graphic that could be.
The Night Of The 12th – Most Murders Go Unsolved
You can’t claim the ending surprised you when it opens with that.
Saw X – Nothing
Saw films normally start schlocky and violent. This one takes its time to set the story up. It’s incredibly mature for a Saw movie and sets it above anything else the franchise has made.
Shazam! Fury Of The Gods – The gods kill a bunch of people
This was not a good movie, but this section was good, it was creepy, set the villains up as threats, and wasn’t stupid. If the rest of the film matched the quality of the opening, it would have been better than the first, instead, we just got a bloated, tonal mess.

Winner
Scream VI – Ghostfake
You watch a slasher movie, especially Scream, and you know how it’s opening; we see a character, who gets murdered, credits. The Scream franchise has done a better job than most of playing with that; in the first one, the victim was played by Drew Barrymore, who was not only the biggest actor in the film, but also was all over the marketing so people thought she was a main character. The fourth one had a multitude of meta fakeouts that annoyed some, but I loved it. Finally, the fifth one had the person attacked actually survive. So really, you shouldn’t be surprised that you’re surprised, which makes the way they did this one perfect. By unmasking a Ghostface this early, it instantly puts you on edge and makes you wonder what else they’ll do, after killing Dewey in the last one, is Gail safe? All bets are off, and the opening proves it.

Worst Opening

A Man Called Otto – Otto Arguing
It’s supposed to show how he’s determined and feels lost in the modern world. But really it just makes him seem like a massive prick. Low-level staff cannot change or bypass store policies for chain stores, so if you yell at them about store policies or prices, you’re an asshole.
Good Burger 2- Musical Opening
Mainly because the performer’s voice isn’t really suited for it, plus there’s a much better potential opening a few scenes later. The fire demonstration would have been a much better choice and would have demonstrated how things have changed, rather than the one they use which just seems to make comparisons to the original and makes it feel like nothing has changed except the actor is now older.
We Have A Ghost – Family Leaves House Scared
It’s nothing we haven’t seen before, and seen better. It lacks any sense of originality. I don’t get why this was deemed suitable for the opening sequence of a horror comedy. It’s not funny, or scary. It’s just, well, kind of dull.

Winner
65 – Everybody Dies
I got what they were going for, but it didn’t work at all. In fact, it just wasted a lot of potential. It delivers the information far too quickly to be effective. We don’t know any of the crew members who died, so all their deaths mean absolutely nothing.

Best Moment

Barbie – The Monologue
There were a lot of moments to choose from in this, it was a great film. I chose this moment because it’s the most important part. It encapsulates the best of what Barbie achieves; it’s the kind of dialogue which can only be written by a writer who is either a woman or is paying a lot of attention. It’s important, but also doesn’t feel overly preachy. It’s the jokes and the performances that draw people in, but it’s this moment which will stick with young girls for years to come.
Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret – Laura
A scene that is still sadly relevant today, when the hero learns the lesson “don’t slut-shame”. Throughout the story, the character of Laura has been met with rumour and innuendo. In reality, she’s still a child, just one that developed quicker than her peers, and she feels ostracised and scared because of it. It’s played perfectly too, with the realisation from the main character that everything she believed about this girl was a lie. It also leads to a VERY cute moment of them all playing together.
Godzilla: Minus One – Attack On Ginza
I LOVED this movie, it was brutal, it was intense, and it was also very human. The attack on Ginza was the best way to show all of what made it work. It shows Godzilla as a seemingly unkillable monster who is capable of destruction, and it shows the relationship between Koichi and Noriko. The nuclear explosion at the end was also PERFECT for the themes. Japan is a country still going through Hiroshima PTSD, so for Godzilla to cause that again is absolutely harrowing for the residents.
Missing – The Twist
I love a good twist. Especially one that you know means that the next time you watch the film you’re going to spot the little clues that led up to it. This has all the hallmarks of a good twist; it’s surprising, but once you know of it you realise that the real answer was staring you right in the face the entire time. A bad twist overshadows the film so that once you know it, there’s nothing else to the story. The twist for Missing doesn’t do that, it increases your love for it, because of how damn well it’s written.

Winner
Spider-man: Across The Spider-Verse – Canon Events
Anything that reminds me of Whatever Happened To The Caped Crusader is a good thing in my books. The explanation is that Spider-Man is caused by trauma, so if you stop that, you actually make the universe worse off. It’s a lot of responsibility for the character to take on, but you know he’s going to anyway because that’s what he does.

Worst Moment

Assassin Club – What The Falk?
They build a character (Falk) as a mysterious big deal. They discuss how nobody knows who they are, and how their complete existence is a mystery. In the very next scene, the main characters get a phone call which is basically “Hi, I’m Falk. I’m an x year old white female who likes long walks on the beach and my address is…”. So what was the point of building up a mystery if you’re going to solve it that quickly? You go from knowing nothing to knowing enough about her to commit identity theft, and that’s not a joke, Jim!
Saw X – Trap Conclusions
Most of the traps feel too timed-based. Many of the characters nearly make it and if they were given 5 seconds more would have escaped the traps. This goes against Jigsaw’s modus operandi of testing people; technically they did pass the test and proved how much they were willing to sacrifice, but because they were slightly slower than Jigsaw thought they should be, they died.
Slotherhouse – The Death Of Mayflower
Goes on too long. Isn’t funny enough to justify its length, and she doesn’t seem to be taking her impending death that seriously.
The Marvels – Singing Planet
It’s a bit unfair to have this listed as the worst moment. But when you compare what it was, to what it could have been, then the reason it’s here is clear. It could have ended up being one of the cinematic highlights. It could have been fun, infectious, and unique. At the very least it could have been memorable. I can forgive noble failures, but I can’t forgive doing nothing, and it feels that’s what they did here.

Winner
Ant-Man And The Wasp: Quantumania – M.O.D.O.K
I’m not that familiar with M.O.D.O.K. as a character, but I assume we’re supposed to take him somewhat seriously? It doesn’t help that when I look at M.O.D.O.K I don’t see a “Mechanized Organism Designed Only for Killing”, I see Krang from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It doesn’t help that the CGI is awful and just looks ridiculous. A budget this big should not result in things that look this stupid. To be fair, I don’t think there is a way to make a giant human head look threatening, so there’s not much they could have done to help that. Well, they could have just kept the fucking mask on and NOT SHOW THE ACTUAL FACE. It was close between this and the Assassin Club moment. What puts this one ahead is that take that scene out, and Assassin Club would still be a shit film, AMATWQ would be improved soooo much without this scene. So whilst the Assassin Club scene is worse, this one does more damage.

Best Closing

Apocalypse Clown – Garth Brooks
There are many ways to end an apocalyptic story, but it takes a brave story to end it with “yeah the world didn’t end, the electrics were just wiped by a power surge caused by a Garth Brooks concert”. It risks making it feel like what we’ve seen was a waste of time. Or it comes off as hilarious and farcical, this is more in the second category. It’s completely ridiculous and silly, I loved it.
Cassandro – Conversation With His Father
Cassandro sometimes fails to show the homophobia that the man went through in his life. So it’s good to see scenes like this, scenes which remind you of the pain he had to go through to live his life. Scenes which have actual humanity and emotion.
Strays – Doug Gets Bit In The Dick
Incredibly satisfying and cathartic. Throughout the film there’s a slight worry that Doug will be rehabilitated or forgiven, instead, he gets put through a lot of pain in the final scenes, and it’s a lot of fun to see. Nobody watching the film will like Doug, so nobody will be sad to see what happens to him.
Aftersun – It Ends
The dad says goodbye to his daughter at the airport and then shuts the camera off. I know that sounds boring and meaningless, but in the context of this, it’s incredibly powerful and will bring a tear to your eye.
Holy Spider – The Execution
He thought he was going to get away with it but turns out his friends had sold him out. I like the fact that he died afraid, and the irony of him being killed by lack of oxygen is nice to see. That should have been how it ended, as it was, it carried on to her on a couch watching videos. Disappointing. Or so I thought. But then she watches videos of his son, and he’s talking about how he plans to continue his dad’s work; demonstrating how his dad killed them, like he was doing something great. Demonstrating on his sister. Thankfully just a soft recreation, not actually killing her. But it’s still horrific to watch in terms of what it implies about societal bullshit.
Pearl – Smiling Through The Pain
It’s just her smiling through the closing credits. It’s incredibly unsettling and puts you on edge.

Winner
Killers Of The Flower Moon – What Happened Next
It’s just the director on stage, speaking about what happened next to all the characters we’ve just seen. Ordinarily, that would be lazy. But it’s done like they’re recording a radio drama, so we see the sound artists creating sound effects live etc. It’s incredibly daring, and in a lesser film would have sunk it faster than the Titanic (I fast-forwarded through that film, the whole thing takes five minutes, right?). But Scorcese makes it work. Some endings are perfect for the story, some are clever, and very few are as PERFECT as this. Absolute genius.

Worst Closing

Puss In Boots: The Last Wish – Sequel Hook
It’s a shame, as a lot of this film is far superior to many of the previous films in the Shrek franchise, this is the only time it ever really feels like a Dreamworks film. Cheap, lazy, and completely unsatisfying.
Shazam! Fury Of The Gods – Billy Comes Back To Life
I’m not a fan of sacrifices meaning nothing. Especially when it feels unearned. If it’s foreshadowed, like in Scott Pilgrim where he earns an extra life early in the film. But in this? Wonder Woman just appears, fixes the problem for no reason, and then leaves.
Hypnotic – The Villain Has Survived
Narratively unsatisfying. It makes sense in the story they’re telling, but that doesn’t make it any less frustrating to watch. A similar thing happened in Spider-Man, but we know that’s getting a sequel. Plus, the rest of that film was good. If Hypnotic was better, then the ending would be acceptable, as it is, it’s just a disappointing dessert to a letdown of a dinner.
Ferrari – Unhappy Ending
The wife dies and finally, his illegitimate son can be recognised as his heir. This is seen as a happy ending, but really it just feels kind of mean. It kind of backs up my theory that the writers saw her as the villain of the film, rather than a woman who was cheated on and emotionally abused for decades.
Cat Person – Here We Go Again
It looks like she’s going to go through the same cycle again and again, so she’s not developed as a character. Kind of makes it feel like the entire film is a massive waste of time
The Flash – George Clooney
If the DCEU was going to continue, I’d be into this, as we’d be getting a sequel showing the new world that Barry Allen is now in. But because the series won’t continue, we’re just left with an unfinished story. It reminds me of the ending of Tim Burton’s Planet Of The Apes, only more annoying because it links into an already established universe.

Winner

Scream VI – Reveal/everyone lives
Scream is a slasher franchise, but it is also at its core, a murder mystery. Part of the fun has always been to piece together clues to work out who the killer is. That’s part of why the third one gets so much vitriol, because the reveal feels unearned compared to the others. I am one of the few people who will defend the reveal in the third movie, I won’t defend the one in this one though. It’s far too obvious. Horror screenwriters/directors must realise that every audience realises that if a named character dies offscreen in a slasher movie, they’re not dead. If the film cuts away before they die; the odds are that person is still alive. With that in mind, the reveal of the killers isn’t just obvious, it’s the only possible solution. The other thing that annoyed me about the ending of this is that all the core members of the group survive, even with one of them being stabbed multiple times. If this is where the studio wants to go, then the future does not look bright for this franchise. And that’s before the director of Scream VII leaving, and the absence of two of the main stars, one for scheduling reasons, and one for committing the heinous crime of saying genocide is bad.

2023 In Film: Day Four (The Meh)

A Haunting In Venice

Ups: Solid mystery.

Branagh is always good to see as Poirot.

Some of the deaths are very shocking.

Downs: Some of the shot choices are a bit weird. By weird, I mean shit.

The “maybe magic, maybe mundane” nature doesn’t suit a franchise like this.

Features some truly terrible editing.

Venice doesn’t feel alive.

Not enough clues were given to the ending.

Best Moment: The reveal. The build-up isn’t great but the reveal itself is a lot of fun.

Worst Moment: All the ghost moments.

Best Performer: Tempted to say Branagh, but gonna give it to Emma Laird. She has great potential.

Opening: Poirot has retired. Would have been nice to see more details of what he did during the war, it would have backed up his feelings of despondency.

Closing: Poirot has started to investigate again, leading to potential more sequels. It’s nice to see an excited Poirot again, but we haven’t seen enough of that character in this series for this to feel like “he’s back”. He’s always been “oh no, I’ve retired now” in this film franchise.

Best Line: Scary stories make real life a little less scary

Original Review here

A Kind Of Kidnapping

Ups: Funny.

Ambitious

Good music.

Downs: A bit too sweary at times

It’s too surface-level. All it seems to be saying is “politicians are bastards”, we know that.

Once you’ve seen the trailer you’ve essentially seen the entire film.

Mean-spirited.

Best Moment: The moment with Leila Hoffman. Shocking and hilarious.

Worst Moment: The sex scene is a bit out of place

Best Performer: Jack Perry Jones

Opening: Dramatic music as a taxi drives down a country road. Both suits the film and doesn’t. Then straight into the kidnapping. Threats of violence and foul language immediately.

Closing: One of the characters leaves after finding out the other one cheated on them; leaving a dickshot politician and his former partner tied together.

Best Line: “This isn’t America, you can’t just walk into a corner shop and ask for a handgun and a Wispa”

Original Review here

Slotherhouse

Ups: Moves quickly.

Leans into its ridiculousness

Surprisingly, a REALLY good soundtrack of unknown rock bands filled with youthful energy.

Downs: Some of the crowd scenes in supposedly busy shopping centres are too sparse.

The “I don’t like seeing animals get hurt” line is far too obvious and unsubtle

The characters could react to being murdered by a sloth.

Best Moment: The title drop. The fact it was met with silence and “dude, not the time” makes it hilarious.

Worst Moment: The death of Mayflower. Goes on too long. Isn’t funny enough to justify its length, and she doesn’t seem to be taking her impending death that seriously.

Best Performer: Bianca Beckles-Rose

Opening: A sloth kills a crocodile, or an alligator (I don’t know the difference without knowing if I’m going to see them later or in a while).

Closing: Everything is back to normal and they’re celebrating, a kind of bland ending. We then get a scene back in Panama of a tour guide with a group talking about how animals are dangerous. Felt a bit superfluous.

Best Line: “We’re all gonna die slow, horrible deaths at the hands of an adorable little killing machine”

Original Review here

Strays

Ups: Funny.

Good allusions to domestic violence.

Original.

Downs: Does anybody really give a shit about Dennis Quaid? This film treats him like a source of memes like Chuck Norris is, but I’ve never heard anybody mention Quaid in that way. Or in any way in a long time, if I’m being honest.

Repeats some of the jokes too often.

Very basic plot

Requires too many narrative handwaves for it to work.

Best Moment: The rabbit massacre. It’s brutal.

Worst Moment: The couch humping, goes on a bit too long.

Best Performer: Will Forte. He’s utterly detestable. No attempt to humanise or make him sympathetic.

Opening: How Doug got Reggie. Essentially he’s a pawn in a break-up revenge. Very sad.

Closing: The dick gets bitten. It’s incredibly cathartic.

Best Line: Why is Doug so great? Where do I begin? He loves being around me so much, he doesn’t even have a job.

Original Review here

The Equalizer 3

Ups: A fitting end to the franchise.

Incredibly violent

Downs: Drags slightly.

Best Moment: The explosion. Shows how horrific the aftermath of something like that can be.

Worst Moment: The photoshopped picture at the end.

Best Performer: Denzil

Opening: A lot of dead bodies. A good reminder of how violent this franchise can be.

Closing: An incredibly bad photoshopped picture lets us know one of the characters in this is related to someone in the previous film. Doesn’t add much to the story really.

Best Line: That’s a 3. You don’t want me to go to 4. I go to 4 you shit on yourself. You don’t want that. I don’t want that. They don’t want that.

Original Review here

The Flash

Ups: Genuinely touching (but not in a Kevin Spacey way)

Funny.

Some fun action scenes.

Nice to see Keaton again.

Some of the cameos in the multiverse sequence are fun.

Downs: Underutilized performers

Woeful CGI

The centrepiece of the whole thing suffers from severe continuity lockout. The Nicholas Cage cameo etc will only make sense to people who know the story of the cancelled Superman Lives film. Otherwise, it’s just a random Cage.

The DCEU is being reset, so it means nothing.

Best Moment: Him saying goodbye to his mum. That is EXACTLY how I would have done it.

Worst Moment: The Multiverse of Superman. Mainly because the use of dead actors in CGI is still a bit icky.

Best Performer: Sasha Calle. Miller leads, but Calle is the one I want to see again.

Opening: The Justice League stop a hospital from collapsing. Nice to see Gadot and Affleck again, but there are a few bits which feel a bit too comedic.

Closing: George Clooney

Best Line: These scars we have make us who we are, we’re not meant to go back and fix them. Don’t let your tragedy define you.

Original Review here

They Cloned Tyrone

Ups: Really commits to the blaxpoitation effect

When he’s talking about wiping the blood off his brother, that shit hurts.

It made a scene of people laughing really disturbing

Downs: Little bit too dark to see things clearly at times.

Takes a while to get going

It could stand to be a little dumber

There’s a tonal conflict. It’s not sure whether it wants to be silly or a serious look at racism. It tries to do both, but the silly moments let it down a little bit.

Best Moment: Laughter in the chicken restaurant. It’s weird how a group of people laughing and enjoying themselves can seem so creepy and unsettling.

Worst Moment: A moment that’s not there, the clones exiting the church and meeting the news cameras. We get the build-up, and the news cameras already there interviewing them, but no connnecting moment.

Best Performer: John Boyega

Opening: Opens with credits made to look dated. I like the effort put in to make it seem like it’s front a different time. Then a discussion about how Michael Jackson is alive and works at a local shop “he’s black now”, putting the science fiction themes in your head. And then a convo about Spongebob. So in terms of time, it’s all over the place in a great way.

Closing: We finally meet Tyrone. Damn funny ending

Original Review here

The Flash (2023) Review

Synopsis: The Flash breaks reality by running fast (despite running fast multiple times in the past and it never being an issue) ending up not only in the past, but in a different universe with another Barry Allen.

I went into this with one thought in mind: this is going to be a complete mess. I mean; it had an advertising campaign which consisted of trailers that would play in the cinema and then have “full trailer available online” at the end, and fuck that. At the very least they could have done something cool and released the whole trailer early but sped up so it goes by in a second. That level of laziness when it comes to marketing is never a good sign. I assumed it would be worse than Morbius and that I’d hate it, but it would at least be fun to complain about. That’s why I’m actually slightly annoyed that The Flash is *whispers* kind of good.

Don’t get me wrong, there are some serious flaws here. The CGI is shameful at some points, and there are some characters who are underused. None more so than Sasha Calle’s Supergirl. The restructuring at DC makes me worried that this will be her only appearance in the role; which is a shame as she’s really good. She has the screen presence needed for such a lofty role. Then again, she HAD to be great, because if she wasn’t then the online reviews would consist of unwashed masses insulting her. I mean, those kinds of people are still going to insult her, but at least now they’re not backed up by the general public agreeing with them.

The other downside was the advertising. There were rumours Michael Keaton was going to reprise his role as Bruce Wayne from the early 90’s Batman movies, these rumours were confirmed when he was put front and centre of the marketing campaign, to the point where it didn’t really feel like The Flash was the main character in his own movie. It would have been nice to have that as a surprise, as without that there are not too many “OMG” moments (with the exception of one near the end). I get why the studio did this; with all the controversy over Ezra Millers’ behaviour, they needed to find a way to draw people into theatres; and the only way they could think to do it was “Look, Michael Keaton’s back!”. I think it worked, it got people interested, but it did have the unfortunate side effect of making people expect more.

Don’t get me wrong; there are some great moments and cameos in the final section, but they’re not important to the story and are only seen briefly, to the point where it feels like they’re only there for fanservice. There has been some controversy about this section as it involves CGI use of dead actors in a way that some people might be uncomfortable with. It is a bit uneasy to think about the potential applications of deepfakes of actors, particularly at a time when streaming companies are trying to use AI to screw over writers.

Now onto the good: The performances are all great. Keaton crushes it as Batman, the aforementioned Calle could not be better. The main issue with some of the supporting cast is a lot of them aren’t given enough to do. Michael Shannon, for example, is underutilized despite being the main villain. The story itself is pretty good. The worry with a multiverse story is how you make it simple enough for the mass public to understand. It turns out the answer is spaghetti. It’s a bit weird how the character who mentions it would know of it, but as far as exposition goes, there are worse examples.

I did LOVE one moment. There’s a section near the end where he works out how to fix everything but at a personal sacrifice. It’s absolutely perfect. By which I mean; that is EXACTLY how I would I have done it. The unsaid heartbreak, the crushing weight of responsibility that decision leads to, the wonder whether the other person is aware or not. It’s up there as one of my favourite moments of the year, just a shame the rest of the film doesn’t come anywhere close. Overall; nowhere near as bad as you think it would be, but not as good as it needs to be. Plus, it is a bit weird that it’s ANOTHER Barry Allen story, no Wally West (Which would have been nice) or Bart Allen (which could have led to something fun).