Tag: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem

2023 Film Awards Day Four: The Everything

On By troubledproductionsIn AwardsLeave a comment

Most Surprising

Puss In Boots: The Last Wish
I expected this to be quite banal. Probably because my memories of the Shrek franchise have been tainted by how bad the sequels were, and the glut of poor imitations consisting of animated characters making pop culture references that date very quickly. So it’s a surprise that this was actually pretty damn decent. It had an actual plot, a genuinely disturbing villain, and a whistled tune which easily rivals the one from The Hunger Games. Not many kids’ films would dare do something based around the inevitability of death, and I doubt many would be able to do it as well as was done here.
Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret
I am fully aware that I am not the target audience for a film like this. And not just because I’m English and the Judy Blume books aren’t really a thing over here. There is a trend for cynical films lately, and if they decided to go that route then it would lead to somewhere terrible; Doncaster, or disaster, probably disaster. Cynicism would ruin this, I was won over by just how utterly charming it is, and if it was aimed at a more cynical audience you would have lost the warmth that makes it unique. I went in expecting to have to add a caveat to a positive review. You know, something like “It’s good for what it is”. But it’s not just good for what it is, it’s just good.
The Creator
This is a case of a film you watch, and then you’re surprised afterwards. You remember the incredible action scenes, the magical special effects, and how it perfectly blended CGI with real footage. You then remember it was done on a minuscule budget, and your head explodes. I can only assume Edwards made a deal with the devil to get this looking as good as it does. That’s the most logical explanation.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem
This could have gotten away with being a bit shit and it still would have had an audience, the Michael Bay feels have proven that. Also, this is aimed at kids, so it could have just been loud noises and stupid characters, the success of Minions has proven that. What it didn’t need to be was quite as weird as it is. It didn’t need to be as original as this was or try to do as much as it does. It would have been so easy for the studio to just do a low-effort piece of shit, keep everything the same, and watch the money. They take real risks with this, the big one being not having the iconic villains from the show in. No Krang or Shredder, they’ve been held off for the inevitable sequel, and I can’t wait.
Barbie
This was in the works for a while. One of the first writers attached to it was Jenny Banks, who has written for Sex And The City and the short-lived sitcom (very short, six episodes) Leap Of Faith, as well as the screenplay for What A Girl Wants. I feel that indicates what kind of film the studio wanted. Something light, fluffy, and kind of disposable. Many years later, after a change of producers, writers, and studio, we have this; one of the most successful films of all time, and it REALLY earns it. The script is razor sharp, with one of the best monologues I’ve ever seen. By the time the trailer came out, people could likely have seen what the final product would be, but when it was announced? Not a damn chance.

Winner

Wonka
Before seeing this, I had seen the trailer multiple times, so I had an idea of what to expect. But I still had a concern that it could end up terrible. Chalamet looked like completely the wrong casting choice, and I was worried that would tank the film. Thankfully, the supporting characters and the INCREDIBLE script mean that when Chalamet isn’t a 9/10, it’s not too bad. Yes, it would have been better if Chalamet wasn’t quite as flat when it comes to singing if he didn’t have the air of someone trying too hard, and if he wasn’t played as basically an idiot. But even with that, the fact that the film itself suffers from the problem of Chalamet, and manages to still be UTTERLY FANTASTIC, says a lot.

Most Disappointing

The Pale Blue Eye
It’s a murder mystery film with Edgar Allen Poe, starring Christian Bale, Timothy Spall, and Toby Jones. It should be incredible. At the very least, it should be memorable. Yet this is nothing. It doesn’t play up the Poe side, he could be replaced by a fictional person and it wouldn’t change the story at all. The mystery isn’t that compelling, and it’s too dull to care about. It’s a shame as the concept is original and you could have had a lot of fun with it by creating something unique and terrifying. Instead, it’s just bland.
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To quote my original review: “Adam Driver fighting dinosaurs should not be as dull as this”. It would be hard to think of how they could have fumbled this more than they actually did. It makes so many mistakes and misses more shots than I do in a penalty shootout. There’s a spacecraft crash early on, one which kills almost every person on board. We’re not introduced to these people in a meaningful way. So when they all die, and I know this sounds harsh, but we don’t care. It seems like such a basic mistake to make, the film had an opportunity to add emotional meaning, yet didn’t. It seems like a low-budget movie at times, like they cut down on cast to minimise costs etc. Yet its budget was £45million, and I’m not sure how.
A Kind Of Kidnapping
Again (or, as I’ll say later, depending on the order I place these), my interest in this was based on being a huge fan of a sitcom written by the creator. This time, it was How Not Live Your Life, which is a real out-of-nowhere piece of greatness. The trailer made me laugh, and got me thinking this would a sharp and hilarious piece of satire. It’s not, it’s satire which doesn’t really have much to say. Beyond “politicians are shit” it has nothing. Watch the trailer, that’s the whole film. There’s no other twists to further the story (Well there is one mid-plot decision made by two of the characters, but it feels kind of ugly and only exists to get a third-act conflict).
Dumb Money
I was really looking forward to this. I thoroughly enjoyed The Big Short and was hoping this would be similar. It’s not. For one thing, it doesn’t explain things to those who don’t know financing and stock market terms like “shorting”, which makes it almost impenetrable for people who don’t know about it already. The editing feels amateur and like it was made for watching in short bursts on TikTok. There’s a really interesting story somewhere in among the muck, but it’s not being told here.
It’s A Wonderful Knife
I like genre mash-ups, especially when it comes to horror movies. It’s why I love Freaky, Happy Death Day, and Totally Killer. But this? It’s kind of dull. It doesn’t make the most of its premise, probably because it puts the main character in more of a passive role, and attempts to explain how it happened using logic that doesn’t really work. Probably not the worst horror film of the year, but definitely the one with the most wasted potential.
Assassin Club
Sometimes action movies surprise you. Usually by either a unique concept, or being incredibly well-made. This at least gives a unique concept. But completely messes up the execution. Every decision it makes in terms of narrative is the wrong one. I may not have expected something on the same level as John Wick or Polite Society, but I expected something that’s at the very least competent, and it couldn’t even reach that.

Winner

Your Place Or Mine
Yeah, this one’s on me. I wanted to watch this purely because of the writer. Aline Brosh McKenna helped write one of my favourite sitcoms of all time. Despite what my somewhat misanthropic nature would make you think, I’m actually genuinely a huge fan of romantic comedies, mainly because they’re a good showcase for writers. You really get to feel how creative a screenwriter is when they can do something where everybody knows the ending, and do it well enough that you enjoy watching it. So I went in expecting a new favourite romcom, instead, I got something that is at best serviceable. It’s probably not helped by the narrative device meaning that we don’t see the two leads physically interact that much.
This can sometimes work, but I’ve only seen it be exceptional once; in the supremely underappreciated TV show Love Soup. This isn’t Love Soup, at best, it’s “I Like You As A Friend” Toast

I Don’t Get It

Asteroid City (RT Score: 75%)
It’s possible I just don’t like Wes Anderson’s style. It feels too fake, there’s nothing for me to cling to. I also find them a bit pretentious. I know some people love them, but they leave me emotionally cold. The only exceptions so far are Fantastic Mr. Fox and Isle Of Dogs. People watch them and they see beautiful visuals and quirky characters, all I see are a bunch of characters speaking unnaturally and lacking individual personalities. Felt the same about French Dispatch.
Dream Scenario (RT Score: 92%)
This is annoying as I wanted to enjoy this. To the point where I even went to a preview showing of it. It’s a great concept, but it’s incredibly unfocused. Is it attacking cancel culture? Memes? The capitalist desire to exploit wonder for adverts? It attempts to talk about all of them and ends up not discussing any of them. I love weird things (probably because I am a weird thing), and Nicholas Cage is entertaining as hell. It looks good and has some really good supporting performances. It’s just, how can I put this in a way that makes sense? The only way I can describe it is like this: it’s like when you’re English and watching an American sitcom and you hear jokes about certain basketball players or shops, you sit there like “I’m sure I’d appreciate that if I got the reference”. 
Dumb Money (RT Score: 84%)
It’s possible I’d like this more if I hadn’t watched The Big Short, but since I have, comparisons between the two are inevitable, and there’s not a single area in which this is preferable. It is a shame, as on its own it’s a 5/10, but in a universe where a better version exists; it’s knocked down severely. Everything in it has been done better, and recently. Even the song choices.
Ferrari (RT Score: 72%)
I just didn’t give a shit about the main character. So when things started going well, I was displeased. I didn’t want him to be happy, I didn’t want him to win. I was actively rooting against him.
Pearl (RT Score: 93%)
Similar to the Asteroid City one, this might just be that I don’t like the directors’ style. Outside of the style, I felt it didn’t have a lot for me to be interested in. The visuals and performances were great, no doubt about that. But I didn’t vibe with the script.

Winner

Thanksgiving (RT Score: 84%)
My feelings about this can basically be summed up as: Too Bleak, Stopped Caring. I didn’t care about these people, and the world they were living in didn’t inspire any need to care.

Well I Liked It

Next Goal Wins (RT Score: 45%)
This isn’t an essential watch, but it is very good. It’s not going to change the world, but I’m not sure it’s supposed to. It’s supposed to just entertain you, and tell a really unique story. It’s also very sweet, with genuine heart. I’m not sure what else audiences were expecting.
The Creator (RT Score: 67%)
That score genuinely baffles me. I’d have thought critics would love this. It’s one of the best-made films I’ve ever seen. Yes, it lacks some personality, but it’s beautiful and stunning. John David Washington gives a great performance. Has a fantastic opening, and says a lot about humanity.

Winner

The Marvels (RT Score: 62%)
Is this the best Marvel film? No, but it is an utter delight. I think part of the low score might be because people are generally tired of the MCU at this point. On it’s own merits, it’s a fun and entertaining watch. Despite what the scores say, there is no way this is a worse film than Black Widow. It’s funnier, has a better story, better dialogue, better performances. The only thing Black Widow has over The Marvels is more skintight costumes. Oh, yeah I just figured out the discrepancy.

Most “Me”

Bottoms
Violent, sexual, and with a personal political point to make. Spoilers, but this isn’t going to end up winning the best film award here, but it is the one I’ve told the most people about. This is all very me, and unlike a lot of films I describe like that, this also has a mass appeal. This pleases me, because it means that despite me not being the target market for it, it does make me feel like there’s a place for me in this world.
Scrapper
A remarkable film and hopefully leads to great things for Lola Campbell and Charlotte Regan. I hope they work together again, but I’m sure even if they don’t then they’re going to do something incredible. They’ve already done something very good. It’s incredibly funny, and the dialogue makes me jealous that I didn’t write it.

Winner

Totally Killer
At this point, even I’ve realised that it’s kind of odd that so many of the films in this category have female leads. Maybe the suspicions people have about me are true. I should probably speak to someone about that. Anyway, back to the point. Totally Killer is essentially Back To The Future as a horror movie. That concept alone is very me, but the execution is damn near perfect. Subversive, smart, and damn entertaining.

Worst Movie

Nominees: Everything here

Winner

Assassin Club
Some of these awards are difficult. So I’m very happy that films like Assassin Club make it easy. Within ten minutes I realised this was a lock for worst film. Not just of the year, but one of the worst I’ve ever seen. It’s diabolical. Nothing about it works. I know opinions are subjective, but if someone I know said they enjoyed this film, I would judge them.

Best Movie

Nominees: Everything here

Winner

Past Lives
This was the most difficult one. For most of the year, Missing was the winner for this. But the more I thought about it the more I graduated towards Past Lives. Missing was great, a fantastic script and amazing performances. But Past Lives was magical. It’s the cinematic equivalent of floating through something ethereal. Even months after I watched it I still occasionally get moments where I flash back to that floating feeling I got watching it.

2023 Film Awards Day Three: The Genre

On By troubledproductionsIn ReviewLeave a comment

Funniest

Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret
Yes, it’s sweet and very wholesome. But what I mainly remember is how endearingly funny it is. Whilst the situations aren’t universal, the feelings behind them are, and the comedic ways the characters react to them are far too relatable.
Barbie
God bless the weirdness. From the first time I saw the trailer I knew I was going to laugh a lot, and the film itself didn’t let me down on that front. There are different types of jokes too, some innuendo that wouldn’t be out of place in a Carry On film, some absurd stupidity, and some that just hit way too close to home for me to be comfortable with.
Champions
A film with this much emphasis on special needs could have gone SOOOOOO wrong. But it works here. Crucially, it doesn’t make them the butt of the joke but also doesn’t feel overly condescending either.
Joy Ride
It features a scene with a light-up vagina, and a series of scenes of them accidentally injuring a sports team with sex. It’s filthy, and it’s fucking funny.
Scrapper
I went into this completely blind, and it won me over with heart and humour. The character of Georgie is wise beyond her years, but not in a pretentious way that makes you dislike her. She’s street-smart and quick-witted. From the moment she gets caught stealing a bike and blags her way out of it by saying “I was just checking your bike was safe, it isn’t by the way” the tone is set.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem
It’s a little bit too reference-heavy, with pop-culture references flying by thick and fast. But it is mostly very funny. It’s helped by the main characters being voiced by actual teenagers, so their dynamic feels genuine. It’s a chaotic humour that suits the animation style. The dialogue feels like a bunch of teens just talking shit. The character of April has her moments too, including a vomit scene which is so over the top it goes past gross into hilarious.
The Blackening
I love a good comedy horror, in fact, as my love for Bride Of Chucky proves, they don’t even have to be good. The Blackening is good though. It knows the audience has certain expectations when it comes to black people in horror movies, and it plays with those tropes brilliantly.
Totally Killer
“Just think, maybe if she did blowjobs she’d still be alive today”
“Yeah, let’s NOT make that the lesson”
God damn, I loved the dialogue in this, the way it plays with time travel tropes, the way it points out how 80s parents at times didn’t really seem to care if their kids were alive or not.
Wonka
If you liked the Paddington movies, you’ll enjoy this. There’s a similar sense of playful weirdness which provides. It’s helped by a great ensemble cast, all bringing the weirdness, the funny, and the funk.

Winner

Bottoms
Again, a film that’s batshit insane. The final fight in particular is a masterclass of WTF black comedy. What would just be a standard football scene in most films (or at most, a quick fight) is a massacre, decapitations, explosions etc. There’s a line that comedy films have to be careful not to cross, Bottoms crosses that line multiple times and then snorts it. All the characters get jokes too. PJ and Josie are the leads, but the background characters get their chances to shine too. Personally, I loved Hazel and her sarcasm blindness.

Saddest

Aftersun
On the surface, not that sad. But when you get the subtext, when you get what’s NOT being said, it will break you.
All Quiet On The Western Front
Does a great job of showing just how futile individual effort is in a large-scale war. How you can die and it can mean absolutely nothing.
Talk To Me
Horror is a useful genre for exploring certain topics. Talk To Me explores grief and guilt, and does so perfectly. It blends together horror and sadness in some truly beautiful moments. The attempted suicide, in particular, is a mix of “Holy shit” and “please no” and is more effective than films with bigger budgets and more gore.
The Flash
Most of the film is not great. But the moment where he is essentially saying goodbye to his dead mother is heartbreaking. It is EXACTLY how I would have done it, and if the rest of the film had this much care put into it, then it would have been one of the best of the year.
The Night Of The 12th
Just knowing that you can be brutally murdered and not know why, the killer never being caught etc. It’s horrific. Murder mysteries tend to end with the murder being solved, this is depressingly realistic.

Winner

The Whale
God damn this is bleak. Much like The Wrestler (which is a great watch if you haven’t seen it), a tale of someone haunted by demons who hides himself away out of shame, which in turn alienates him from his family. They even end similarly, with a presumed but not confirmed death.

Scariest/Best Horror

Godzilla: Minus One
The big G is smaller here than in most iterations, you’d think that would make him less intimidating, but nope. His smaller size now means that he is aware of humans, and he’s not a fan (although can you blame him? What other species has invented atomic bombs, date rape, and the 2019 film Cats?). So you can’t just walk around him, if he sees you, he’s going to kill you.
Guardians Of The Galaxy Volume 3
The main villain is incredibly disturbing. There’s not enough of him in the finished product, but when he’s on-screen he’s utterly despicable and could easily work in an R-rated horror.
Holy Spider
The idea that people like Saeed Azimi actually existed, and in the modern world, is terrifying. It’s horrific how men like that don’t just exist, but seemingly thrive in some parts of the world. It would be nice if this ended with him and jail and the threat over. Whilst he is dead, it’s clear his son still thinks of him as a hero and is likely to carry on his mission. The patriarchy sucks.
M3gan
They’ve got a franchise here, and I think they know it. Reminded me of the last Childs Play movie, but with less violence. If the franchise continues though, it HAS to improve and go further. Plus it has some GREAT kills.
Piggy
Damn, people are dicks. Especially to overweight women. The sheer callousness displayed in how they treat her is uncomfortably true and will resonate with anybody who has weight issues.
Puss In Boots: The Last Wish
I’m surprised to see this here too. But it’s a kid film which fits in tales of existential angst, which I always find terrifying. Plus, it has a fantastic audio cue.
Saw X
Genuinely disturbing, and a surprisingly solid addition to the franchise. It’s as good as almost anything the Saw movies have given us. The traps are brutal and fun but do feel a bit unfair. We’re also given one of the most despicable and inhuman villains in horror history.
Scream 6
The ending was pitiful, but some of the deaths in this are brutal. The opening is nihilistic as hell and one of the best openings to a Scream movie in quite some time. It’s a shame that this could be the last good one as the seventh looks like it’s going to be a trainwreck.

Winner

The Blackening
The relationship between race and horror movies is well known, there’s a great documentary on the subject called Horror Noire: A History Of Black Horror. Films like Get Out have approached it from a serious side, so it’s about time someone took it in a comedic slant. The Blackening could not have been made 10 years ago. Racism is now politically acceptable, with politicians debating whether “This woman makes me hate all black people. I hope she gets shot” is racist or not. It’s in a “we’re not racist, many of my employees are Asian” world where films like The Blackening are needed. It kills it as both a horror and a comedy.

2023 In Film: Day Nine (The Almost Amazing)

On By troubledproductionsIn Year round upLeave a comment

Aftersun

Ups: So many sweet moments.

So very sweet

Nostalgic

Downs: A lot happens off-camera and goes unsaid, which some people might not like.

Some shots could linger a bit longer

Could do more with the present-day sequences.

Best Moment: The Losing My Religion scene does a lot for something so simple.

Worst Moment: When the dad is talking about his 11th birthday. It’s a very poignant scene, but I don’t like how it was shot. I get why Charlotte Wells did that, but it just didn’t work for me.

Best Performer: This is tough. Both leads are perfect. Ordinarily, I’d give it to Frankie Corio because Paul Mescal got enough attention, and I’m always more impressed by a younger performer. But I’m going to break from tradition and give it to Paul Mescal because of how much depth he has to give every scene. He’s not just a dad, he’s a dad who is trying to give his daughter a memorable holiday while he’s suffering from depression.

Opening: Home video of the dad dancing, being recorded by his 11-year-old daughter. We know this as she points out her age, which is a very smart way of getting her age out there. The footage then freezes and starts going weird. Artfully done. It did make me think the whole film would be found-footage style.

Closing: Calum says goodbye to Sophie at the airport then shuts the camera off. I know that sounds boring and meaningless, but in the context of this, it’s incredibly powerful and will bring a tear to your eye. Then a slow pan of the room current Sophie is in as she watches the videos.

Best Line: “I just feel a bit down or something. Don’t you ever feel like you’ve just done a whole amazing day and then you come home and you feel tired and down and it feels like your bones don’t work. They’re just tired and everything is tired. Like you’re sinking”

Original Review here

Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret

Ups: Very sweet.

This could so easily be creepy, but is skillfully directed so that it’s not.

Funny.

Surprisingly timely

Good performances.

Downs: Will put off certain audiences.

Changes a few things from the book which might annoy some people.

Best Moment: When she finally speaks to Laura. Very sweet and allows Laura to showcase her character more.

Worst Moment: The grandparents visiting doesn’t seem to do that much in the script.

Best Performer: Abby Ryder Forston

Opening: Margaret gets back from camp and finds out she’s moving house. It might have been nice to see more of her settled before the move, as at the moment all we see is “moving anxious Margaret”

Closing: She gets her period.

Best Line: I’ve been looking for you, God. I looked for you in Temple. I looked for you in Church. I didn’t feel you at all. Why? Why, God? Why do I only feel you when I’m alone?

Original Review here

Creed 3

Ups: Better fight/action scenes than some big-budget blockbusters

Emotional

Compelling story.

Downs: Rushed middle section.

We don’t get to see Damian as the champ (or the reaction to him)

Best Moment: The final fight. Incredibly creative with how it’s shot. Really helps you understand what being in that situation is like.

Worst Moment: The shop theft. It’s a good moment, but it’s repeated too much.

Best Performer: Phylicia Rashad.

Opening: Flashback to a young Adonis Creed watching his friend Damian win a boxing match, then Adonis beats the crap out of some guy. Gets you hooked in, lets you know of the characters’ relationship etc. But it’s a little hollow. There’s nothing gained from watching the moment again, it’s all very surface-level.

Closing: Adonis boxes with his daughter. It’s a very sweet moment but I feel that relationship could have been fleshed out a tiny bit more.

Best Line: The higher you get, the harder it gets.

Original Review here

Scrapper

Ups: Great performances

Likeable characters

Funny

It’s nice to see a British working-class movie where people are happy.

Probably the most creatively shot movie of the year

Downs: It’s a bit strange that nobody at the school questions the fact that her uncle is called Winston Churchill, or how she’s paying for everything. She is shown making some money, but will that be enough to cover all bills?

Characters don’t develop that much.

It doesn’t feel like some of the characters are taking the situation as seriously as they should.

Best Moment: When Georgie and her dad play a game at a train station where they imagine what other people on the station are saying. They do this for a few minutes before someone on the other side says “we can hear you, you know”.

Worst Moment: The revealing voicemail, feels slightly underwhelming.

Best Performer: Lola Campbell

Opening: An almost empty house, and Georgie marking off where she is on the stages of grief chart.

Closing: The two enter a truce to get to know each other. Sweet, but could be better. It’s not helped by the fact the conflict between them doesn’t feel that divisive.

Best Line: “we were just making sure all these bikes are road safe. Oh, yours isn’t by the way” A great demonstration of her quick thinking but also her childish nature that she thinks it will work. I mean, it does, but still.

Original Review here

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem

Ups: Looks fantastic.

Funny.

Great anarchic energy.

Downs: The constant pop culture references can get tired quickly.

If it’s not followed up then it will be a huge disappointment

Best Moment: The “What’s Up” scene.

Worst Moment: The horse mutation. Only because it feels really weak compared to the rest of the mutation effects.

Best Performer: Jackie Chan

Opening: The genesis of the turtles. It’s somewhat standard to see a father figure/creator get murdered in the opening of a kids’ movie, but it’s rarely as cruel as it is here.

Closing: The Turtles go to school and get to live out their dreams of being normal teenagers. But Cynthia aims to bring Shredder to defeat them.

Best Line: “Our dads definitely not a giant rat”

“That makes me think he is a rat”

Original Review here

The Blackening

Ups: Hilarious

The characters all feel real

Downs: Needs a better soundtrack

Jermaine Fowler feels a bit out of place.

Could be more violent.

Best Moment: The group answering the question about Friends.

Worst Moment: The reveal. A bit weak and predictable

Best Performer: Grace Byers

Opening: Standard “characters we don’t know get kidnapped/killed” horror opening. It comes back later and is a major plot point so it works.

Closing: The fire department sprays the survivors with a hose. Made me laugh a lot.

Best Line: You got Rosa Parks on your shirt, right? Would she be sitting down right now?

Original review here

Totally Killer

Ups: Her mum actually shows some decent self defence skills. Makes a change from the usual female survivor we see in films like this.

Some really fluid camera work.

Incredibly satirical.

Great soundtrack

Not enough horror movies use Banarama

Kiernan Shipka is actually really good

Downs: The editing is a bit choppy.

The reveal of the first killer would have been better if we knew more about them.

Wastes some potentially interesting ideas.

Best Moment: There’s an action scene on a centrifugal force fairground ride. Haven’t seen anything like it before and it’s incredibly creative.

Worst Moment: Conversation with her and her mother at the start, mainly because of the editing.

Best Performer: Kiernan Shipka

Opening: Narration setting up the story of the original murders, we don’t see the murders, but we do see the crime scene reconstruction. An effective way of doing a scene like this on a low budget and not having it come off as cheap.

Closing: Lauren hands over a notebook listing all the things which are different because of the time travel. Really cool and a way to do the “what happened to everybody” cliché in a way that’s original

Best Line: “Just think. Maybe if she did do blow jobs, she’d still be alive.”

“yeah, let’s not make that the lesson”

Opening Review here

Wonka

Ups: Some great jokes.

Looks fantastic.

Sense of playfulness.

If you’re a fan of British comedy then spotting people you recognise becomes the greatest game of “Where’s Wally” ever

Downs: Chalamet can’t really sing like he needs to for this.

Some cast members feel underused.

Best Moment: The “reveal” of the secret ingredient his mum put in chocolate. Yes it’s obvious and trite, but it’s so damn sweet.

Worst Moment: The reveal that he can’t read seems like it’s just there to explain him signing the contract.

Best Performer: Calah Lane, she’s the beating heart of the whole thing.

Opening: Wonka sings a song about his hopes and dreams. Sets the tone perfectly; funny, charming, and weird.

Closing: The factory is built. Meh. But then the credits show what happened to everybody, and it’s done delightfully.

Best Line: May I present, Willy Wonka’s wild and wonderful wishy-washy Wonka walker! Please, don’t make me say that again.

Original Review here

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem (2023) Review

On By troubledproductionsIn ReviewLeave a comment

Quick Synopsis; Turtles fight a mutant fly that is also made of horses.

I’m going to start this with my personal history of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (or TMNT, pronounced Temment). I am very aware of it, I had the toys growing up, I played some of the video games etc. It’s one of the franchises I remember from my childhood.

But I can’t actually remember anything from it. I don’t remember actually sitting down and watching any episodes. I can’t remember buying or asking for the toys/video games. I can’t even remember which turtle is which. I have to mention that whilst there are certain people in UK politics complaining about not being allowed to be racist any more because of “cancel culture” and blaming millennials and some fictional “liberal-controlled media” conglomerate that is all controlled by some rich person with a hook nose who secretly controls all the world and “no this isn’t anti-Semitic why would you think that?”, TMNT was actually censored by the Conservative government back in the day. They were really paranoid about ninjas so banned not only depictions of them but also any displays of nunchucks as they were too dangerous. I mean, nunchucks are really hard to use so really the person most at risk from physical harm is the idiot kid who picks up nunchucks and thinks he can use them. As such, this franchise was referred to as Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles in the UK. Weirdly, they were still allowed to use swords, because it would be much harder for kids to find a sharp sword-like object than it would two heavy objects tied together with a heavy chain-like material. I don’t really have a point to this, I just like to point it out because it was f*cking stupid.

Now onto Mutant Mayhem specifically. It’s actually surprisingly good. This is the first time I can remember that the turtles actually feel like teenagers who have spent their entire life away from humans. They’re awkward, they’re goofy, and they make pop culture references. On the one hand, it means they seem better written than almost any other iteration of the characters, but on the other hand, the constant pop culture references can get a bit grating and bring to mind the awful Friedberg and Seltzer parody movies. Some changes to the background will annoy some fans, some of which I would understand, but if you’re annoyed that April is not white then you’re an idiot, and if you’re annoyed that she’s not fuckable enough any more then you need your hard drive checked as she’s underage you creepy bastards. Another downside is there’s no Krang or Shredder, but they can also be used in the sequel (which this film deserves).

Mutant Mayhem does mostly work though, the voice cast is great, and really helped by casting actual teenagers and having them record their dialogue in the same room. The first thing that will come to mind though is the animation. It looks stunning, whilst some animation is designed to recreate real life, this seems more focused on looking like a series of hand-drawn sketches come to life. It’s unique, it’s visually striking, and it has a slight anarchic energy to it.

The script is better than it had to be. It’s a kid’s film, so laziness could be excused (but not forgiven). It’s a wonderful tale of discrimination, but it shows us it coming from Splinter too. We see how his prejudice against humans has been shaped, and ultimately how it’s ended. It’s a wonderfully deep look at a difficult situation for kids to grasp. It’s also really funny, but not afraid to show emotion. The highlights are the action sequences though, some incredibly creative fight scenes which flow together beautifully like a violent ballet. There’s also some surprisingly disgusting body horror.

So in summary, possibly the best kids film of the year; and there are actually some strong contenders it’s fighting against to claim that crown.