Next Goal Wins (2023) Review

Quick synopsis: Football (the foot-to-ball kind, not the hand kind) coach Thomas Rongen has been given the job of coach of the American Samoan national team with one task; to score a goal.

The best thing this film has going for it is it’s likeable. Next Goal Wins (or NGW, pronounced Noog-wah) has an inherent cosiness and warmth that makes it very easy for the audience to not want to turn away. It has the air of a comfortable end-of-year movie you watch with everybody; a bit like Cool Runnings, it all feels very Disney, in a good way. But much like a ska song about the holocaust, that lightness is hiding something very dark. Underneath the tale of the worst football team in the world lies a story about national pride, parental grief, transphobia, and personal belief. But those topics are woven so intricately that you don’t even realise they’re breaking your heart until they pile up. Mostly, the subplot about parental grief plays its hand too easily, it’s trying to give you a peak behind the curtain but instead pulls the curtain wide open, the hints just aren’t subtle enough to hide the reveal. I am very glad that that wasn’t invented for the movie though. His daughter genuinely did pass away in a car crash, and it was her hat he was wearing during American Samoa’s match against Tonga. That’s the kind of thing which if it was invented for the film, would have come off as weird and unrealistic. Related to that, there are quite a few moments which if they weren’t real (and if the film didn’t come from someone with ties to the area) would come off as incredibly condescending. Even the whole premise of the film, that these natives were hopeless until they were “saved” by a white man, comes off as a little strange in the current climate, by “current climate”, I mean “past the 1970s” (which didn’t reach some parts of the Midlands until 1998).

This isn’t an essential watch, but it is very good. It’s not going to change the world, but I’m not sure it’s supposed to. It’s supposed to just entertain you, and tell a really unique story. The American Samoan team’s loss to Australia was huge, literally, it was 31-0. NGW does do a great job of pointing out that the American Samoan goalkeeper actually had a fantastic game, and if it wasn’t for him the score would have been a lot worse. The rest of the players don’t come off with quite as much dignity. But even when the film portrays the players as not being that good, it never dehumanises them. The joke is purely on the observer, not the person being observed. This is the difference between something like Next Goal Wins, and The Gods Must Be Crazy. You don’t come out of this pitying the people you’ve just watched. But you also don’t come out with some condescending thoughts of “Ah, but they’re the real smart ones”, you come out realising that they’re just people with ambitions, hopes, dreams, and moments of stupidity.

It’s not perfect. We could stand to be given a bit more background into his coaching career. We don’t really get a sense of what level he was at in his career. So we’re not given any indication of how big his “fall from grace” is. Was it a huge scandal? Was he not known by anybody? We don’t know, and it kind of harms his character not knowing. Fassbender does do a great job portraying him, though. Due to the nationality and race of the cast, it’s not exactly going to be full of performers you’re familiar with. The only one I recognised was Talia’uli Latukefu from Young Rock, but there are so many performers from this who I want to see again. They’re helped by a really fun script that knows that it’s ridiculous. I mean, it’s a sports movie where the end result isn’t to win the tournament or beat their rival, it’s to score a single goal. Delightfully unique, and I look forward to watching it again.

2022 In Film: Day Eight (The Very Good)

Belfast

Ups: Does a great job of putting you in the shoes of someone living in that time.

Incredibly personal.

Great performances.

Very funny at times.

Downs: Unless you have knowledge of history, specifically the “why”, you could be lost in regards to character motivation.

Has Van Morrison on the soundtrack. I knew it would be busy so did a COVID test before going to the cinema to see this, and for the next few days after. All that for a film with a fucking anti-vaxxer on the soundtrack

Some people might not like that it’s mostly in black and white. (although I love the moments when it’s not)

Best Moment: His mum dragging him back to a shop in the middle of a riot to make him return something he looted.

Best Performer: Jude Hill. But I did like Lara McDonnell too.

Opening: Sets the scene perfectly. The overhead shots of the are wouldn’t be missed if they weren’t there. Although the transition between colour and black and white, present and past, is visually glorious and I love it.

Closing: “for the ones who stayed, for the ones who left, and for all the ones who were lost.” over a colour scene of the area. Beautiful, poignant, powerful.

Best line: The Irish were born for leavin’, otherwise the rest of the world’d have no pubs

Original Review here

Black Panther: Wakanda Forever

Ups: Handles a delicate situation perfectly.

Very emotional.

Some great performances.

Sets up the future well.

Downs: Too many moments which don’t go anywhere.

Waste of potential moments.

Best Moment: The attack on the ship. Was like something from a horror movie.

Worst Moment: The final fight. Only because it involves people wearing blue, fighting blue people, against a sky blue background.

Best Performer: Angela Basset. Easily.

Opening: T’Challa dies. Really it’s the only way they could have opened it, they had to address it, so it’s brave they did it immediately.

Closing: T’Challa had a son. Bit of a predictable ending, lets it down.

Best Line: Ramonda’s whole speech in the UN.

Original Review here

Clerks 3

Ups: When it hits hard, it hits VERY hard.

Funny.

Nice to see these characters again.

Downs: It’s strange to say but this is trying to hard to be a comedy. It’s so scared to be serious.

Takes a bit too long to get to the actual story

Best Moment: Dante’s rage. It’s the only scene with no laughs and it’s the best part by a long way.

Feels like these characters only exist in the movies, they don’t exist when the cameras not on them.

Worst Moment: Kevin Smith narrating over the credits, explaining what happened to the characters afterwards. Feels incredibly lazy and last minute.

Best Performer: Jeff Anderson. O’Halloran is close, but Anderson takes it.

Opening: Starts with Welcome To The Black Parade, always a good start. Feels weirdly out of tone with the visuals though. The visuals are low-fi, and Black Parade isn’t exactly low-fi. Kind of weird , feels like it’s just playing over and they’re completely separate.

Closing: One of the characters dies. Heartbreaking, I wish the film was more of this and less “typical Smith”

Best Line: “i wish I had a life worth fucking saving”

Original Review here

Doctor Strange In The Multiverse Of Madness

Ups: Scarlet Witch is a truly sociopathic villain

The closest the MCU has got to a horror movie.

Damn fine special effects.

A decent third act.

Some incredibly inventive action set pieces.

Downs: Offscreen inertia is definitely in effect. There are times where it feels like the characters must be just standing around twiddling their thumbs when the camera is not on them

Should be a 15.

If Scarlet Witch is redeemed it will be a complete waste of her potential.

Best Moment: The Illuminati scene.

Worst Moment: The final scene. Easily.

Best Performer: Xochitl Gomez.

Opening: America Chavez and an alternate version of Strange being chased by a demon, then Strange tries to save the universe by killing Chavez. Good choice of opening, introduces America, shows off the visuals, sets up the multiverse, and shows that stakes are high.

Closing: Strange is walking down the street and is suddenly in pain, developing a third eye. Awful closing. Just leaves a “wait, what?” feeling.

Best Line: “What mouth?”

Original Review here

Lightyear

Ups: Emotional.

Deals with very heavy subjects in a way that’s easily understandable.

Fun.

Good characters.

Downs: Doesn’t feel 90’s enough.

Still not entirely sure why it exists.

Best Moment: The montage of failure.

Worst Moment: The twist about the villain. Doesn’t feel earned.

Best Performer: Taika Waititi. A lot of fun.

Opening: “In 1995, a boy named Andy got a Buzz Lightyear toy for his birthday. It was from his favourite movie. This is that movie”. Setting up the general concept very quickly.

Closing: You know how this ends, from the second this film starts, you know how it ends, come on now.

Best Line: “That was utterly terrifying and I regret having joined you.” That’s also what I say after any social activity

Original Review here

Olga

Ups: The gymnastics themselves are astounding.

Beautiful shots.

Made astounding by current circumstances.

Downs: Made depressing by those same circumstances.

Some side characters feel inconsequential

Best Moment: When Olga has to give up her Ukrainian passport and get a Swiss one. It does a tremendous job of selling her guilt at giving up her national identity.

Worst Moment: One or two of the scenes halt the momentum.

Best Performer: Anastasia Budiashkina. Easily.

Original Review here

On The Count Of Three

Ups: Directed very well, especially for a first-time director.

Incredibly funny but also not.

Good performances.

Downs: The ending third felt like it didn’t belong in the same universe.

Best Moment: Character has a meeting with his boss, then calmly walks into a toilet cubicle and attempts to hang himself. No music. All takes place in real time. Meanwhile a guy walks in and pees in a urinal while singing cheerfully, not knowing about the potential unaliving happening in the same room. It’s bleak and horrifying, plus weirdly funny.

Worst Moment: The very last scene. Dialogue-free, only for a few seconds. But I felt it kind of detracted away from the story. I get why it was done, but could have been a better way of doing it.

Best Performer: Christopher Abbott.

Opening: The two characters pointing guns at each other, ready to fire in a suicide pact, gunfire, cut to black. Great opening, gets you immediately invested, and in that short moment you get their love for each other. You get personality, you get motives, you get relationship with each other. Crams so much.

Closing: A suicide. It’s obvious. It’s one of those films where it all feels inevitable. It’s beautifully written. The other guy is in prison. That coda wasn’t really necessary it felt like. Would have been a stronger ending if it did just cut to black with the gunshot.

Best Line: “Do you know that I have been going to doctors since I was 8 years old in foster care. And most of them had private practices by the way they weren’t this state-employed bullshit. And if any of you guys knew how to help me by now you would have fucking done it. Why the fuck are you guys so obsessed with keeping everyone alive anyway? You think all life is precious? All life? If you lived in my head for one minute you realise it fucking isn’t”. The sheer outpouring of emotion and helplessness.

Original Review here

The Black Phone

Ups: Very creepy at times.

Original concept.

Downs: The Grabber isn’t built up enough by the town. You never get the feeling this is a town in fear.

Serious issues with pacing.

Best Moment: The final fight. Very narratively satisfying to see all the knowledge come together.

Worst Moment: The brother of The Grabber realising the truth. His actions don’t really ring true.

Best Performer: Ethan Hawke.

Opening: Standard “meet doomed character” horror opening. Quite weak, especially compared to how creepy the opening credits are.

Closing: Finn sits next to his crush and says hi. Only works because of the age of the characters, if they were older that would be a slightly pathetic closing. As it is, kind of sweet.

Best Line: “Yeah I took him down cause obviously I’m the grabber you dumb f’ing fartknockers” Great line delivery

Original Review here

The Justice Of Bunny King

Ups: When characters do stupid things, they usually make sense because of how well they’re written.

Heartbreakingly true.

Downs: Overwrriten towards the end.

Best Moment: Being shown around the house.

Worst Moment: Her holding someone hostage feels a bit out of tone at the time.

Best Performer: Essie Davis

Opening: Characters washing cars in the rain to the tune of what I always assume is an Alanis Morrisette song. She then goes and helps someone who is having trouble with social services. Says a lot about her character and situation. Very quickly establishes her.

Closing: A phone call with her kids. She knew she’s screwed up, and she knows she’s made it a lot worse. The kids don’t seem phased though. Which makes it worse. They’re too young. Their innocence comes off as apathy and you can tell she’s doomed. Then the police shoot her. It’s really the only way it could end. It’s emotionally devastating but narratively satisfying. It also says a lot about her character that when she’s being loaded into the back of the ambulance she points out the windows are disgusting

Best Line: “why are you talking to her like that?” After a social worker speaks to the character’s disabled child like she’s an idiot.

Original Review here

The Unbearable Weight Of Massive Talent

Ups: The most Nicholas Cage move that exists.

Cage and Pascal have great comedic chemistry.

It’s weird.

Downs: Pedro Pascal is too big a name to not play himself.

JCVD is much better.

Best Moment: The wall scene. Yes it was in the trailer, but it’s so silly.

Worst Moment: The two Cage’s bit could go weirder. Weirder than them kissing each other.

Best Performer: Pedro Pascal. He should do more comedy. Okay, he did also do The Bubble this year, but is it really a comedy if nobody finds it funny?

Opening: Someone gets kidnapped, coincidentally whilst watching a Nicholas Cage film. There was room to be more creative here but they didn’t take it. I’m glad they didn’t do the “fight scene opening, but turns out to be a scene in a movie”

Closing: A film based on the events on this film has been released. Cute.

Best Line: The line of coke Nicholas Cage presumably done before shooting this.

Original Review here

Thor: Love And Thunder

Ups: Works as a standalone.

Rescues Jane Foster as a character.

Love is a great character

A lot of very good scenes, and some real creative visuals.

Downs: Tonal issues.

Occasionally goes a bit too silly.

Feels like a lot of wasted potential of some stories.

Best Moment: The montage of Thor and Foster falling out of love. Works as a mini-film on its own.

Worst Moment: Everything with the goats.

Best Performer: India Hemsworth. Not in it much, but owns every scene she’s in.

Opening: Thor is fighting with the Guardians, and ruining everything. Funny, but does make the rest of the Guardians feel a bit weak. Plus, do they just not care about looking for Gamora now?

Closing: Foster dies, Love lives with Thor. Bit weird, he hasn’t expressed much desire to be a father before. Sweet though. But I still can’t shake how out of nowhere it feels.

Best Line: “Once we bring the children back, we shall feast! Not on them. We don’t do that any more. That is a dark part of our history”

Original Review here

Three Thousand Years Of Longing

Ups: Phenomenal visuals.

Interesting stories.

Downs: Really loses steam in the third act.

The romance feels rushed.

Sub plots aren’t picked up on.

Best Moment: That trailer. That got you hyped up for it like a good trailer should.

Worst Moment: When you realise it’s a box office bomb.

Best Performer: Idris Elba

Opening: Alithea goes to Istanbul and suffers hallucinations. The hallucinations are kind of a weak point for the film. But it does have some interesting visuals.

Closing: The Djinn visit Alithea and says he’ll check in every few years. Kind of sweet, but they never really felt like a couple so it’s a bit weird he has this connection with her.

Best Line: Love is a gift. It’s a gift of oneself given freely. It’s not something one can ever ask for.

Original Review here

Umma

Ups: A great opening credits sequence.

Shows that the director is meant for great things.

A haunting look at family trauma

Everyone feels like real people.

Downs: Some jump scares are a little corny.

Best Moment: Really clever scare involving a face under a sheet. Really creative.

Worst Moment: There’s a moment where the main characters mother attacks from the grave, using clothes. It looks a bit hokey and silly.

Best Performer: Sandra Oh

Opening: The sound of knocking and someone asking their mother to open a door. The daughter apologising, the mother rejects her apologies and we hear electric noises and screaming. Good start, suitably creepy.

Closing: The daughter goes off to college, showing she’s being allowed an independent life. Yes, it’s cliche, but really it’s the only way this narrative could end.

Best Line: Look, I know you think people think you’re weird, and I’m not gonna lie, you are. But, no, you think being weird is a bad thing, you think you’re the only one. But you know what? You’re not. There are tons of other weirdos out there, cool interesting people like you. You just have to out into the world and find them.

Original Review here

Violent Night

Ups: Very bloody.

Clever allusions to Home Alone

Deeply cynical whilst also heartwarming.

Downs: A bit longer than it needs to be.

Could go deeper with the satire.

Best Moment: The reveal of Santa’s past.

Worst Moment: The villain’s motive is a little meh.

Best Performer: Leah Brady is incredibly adorable and likeable. I’d also like to point out Mitra Suri, but that’s for different reasons.

Opening: Santa is drunk. Seen this kind of thing before, but the fact it’s actually Santa does mean we can get a scene of him drunkenly vomiting from up high.

Closing: The reindeers come back, with gifts. Little bit plot convenient that they happened to miss the whole thing.

Best Line: Now, I know you’re an idiot, but don’t be an idiot out loud.

Original Review here

We’re All Going To The Worlds Fair

Ups: Some great make-up. Best demonstrated when someone puts his fingers under loose skin in his arm and starts pulling out tickets. Incredibly creepy and weird and disgusting.

Reminds me of Gone Home, and I’ll always appreciate thinking of that game.

The scene where she paints her face and tears her stuffed toy apart is weirdly creepy.

Weirdly hypnotic.

Both the lead performer, and the writer/director, are clearly meant for bigger things.

Downs: Definitely too slow and weird for a lot of people.

Needs a clearer narrative.

Best Moment: The message she gets with the image of her face distorted. It’s so simple but it’s expertly done.

Worst Moment: The ending where it changes focus. Bit of a narrative miss-step.

Best Performer: Anna Cobb

Opening: Casey sitting in her room on her own, eating (I think) cheesestrings before introducing herself and saying she’s going to take the “Worlds Fair Challenge”. Good use of silence as it makes you lean in and pay attention. But it goes on a bit too long. Especially since she stops, changes the lights, and then starts recording again and continues talking to the camera. Which consists of her saying “I want to go to the worlds fair” into the camera, smearing blood on the computer, then sitting in strobe lights. The opening credits, much more effective, just a series of shots of the local area in ruin. Not “apocalpyse” ruins, economic ruins. Shops are closed down and boarded up. This plays alongside a great piece of music which may well be one of the best original compositions of the year in terms of made movie soundtracks (although the one for Olga was close)

Closing: She has (possibly) met up with JLB. There’s a strange ambiguity to it that could leave an audience frustrated. It’s all done from JLB’s perspective. It reminds me of the opening, in a bad way. That sense of “nothing is happening”.

Best Line: I swear, someday soon, I am just gonna disappear, and you won’t have any idea what happened to me.

Original Review here

Jojo Rabbit (2019)

This was always going to be a controversial film, whenever you do films about Nazi Germany you run the risk of offending people. I remember in the 90’s if you made a film like this you’d have people say you shouldn’t make jokes about such a serious subject. In the last few years it’s different, especially since 2016, now films like this get deemed offensive by people who think they’re not pro-nazi enough. The Death Of Stalin was flooded with negative reviews saying it made Stalin look bad. This one was followed with similar feedback from racist dickbags, but it didn’t seem to overshadow it as much as it did Death Of Stalin.

I’m glad for that is this film deserves to be viewed on it’s own merits, and when you do you realise this is a brilliant film. It’s not perfect, the satire doesn’t hit quite as hard as it needed to. Although as weird as it this to say, it may not have worked as it well if it did. This is not really a nazi film, it’s a film set against the backdrop of Nazi Germany. It’s about the characters, and this contains some great ones. It’s got some great performances too. I may get hate for this, but I don’t really believe Scarlett Johansson deserved her Oscar nomination; her performance was good, but I don’t think it was one of the best of the year, it wasn’t even the best in the film. Roman Griffin Davis carries this film far more than you’d think considering it’s his first film role. His role is very difficult in this, he needs to play a member of the Hitler Youth, and still be likeable. It helps that the character is well written, showing that his hate is more from a place of vulnerability and youthful belief in authority rather than genuine malice. It’s summed up best by this sentence:

“You’re not a Nazi, Jojo, you’re a 10-year-old kid who likes dressing up in a funny uniform and wants to be part of a club.”

That line is said by Elsa, a Jewish girl who JoJo encounters hiding in his attic. Her character is the human equivalent of a hand grenade thrown into Jojo’s life, forever changing his life. Much like the literal hand grenade that scars him. Her performance is also a highlight of the film, and the relationship between the two characters provides most of the heartwarming moments of the film, and a few of the most heartbreaking moments. When this film wants to make you feel like shit, it does so brilliantly. I tend to cry more at comedies for some reason, I think it’s because it’s a wider variety of emotions in the film than when it’s just bleak all the time. It feels more realistic when it’s done like this, with highs and lows throughout the whole thing. So should you see this film? Definitely, without a shadow of a doubt. It’s funny, genuinely sweet, and yet will break you at times. Believe me, there’s so much more I could say about this, but you already know if you want to see it or not. If anything else the way the director played Hitler is to be commended. Especially when you read about the research he put in; zero because:

“It would just be too weird to play the actual Hitler, and I don’t think people would enjoy the character as much. Because he was such a fucking c*nt”

And that’s how I’m ending this blog. Now go see it