Tag: Spider-Man

Kraven The Hunter (2024) Review

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Quick Synopsis: Sergei Kravinoff is a big-game hunter who specialises in dickheads. His family history brings him into conflict with Rhino and Foreigner, who wants to know what love is. And to kill people. It’s mainly the killing people.

So it’s ended. After six films, the Sony Spider-verse has closed. Or, as Sony initially called it: Sony Picture’s Universe Of Marvel Characters, shortened to SPUMC. The fact that that is not a joke tells you everything you need to know about it. They have always felt like unwanted distractions. Once people realised they were all setups and spin-offs of a main universe it would never meet (outside of fleeting moments) they began to feel like wastes of time. It’s not a good sign that out of six, two are generally regarded as some of the worst films ever made. If they knew, you’d have to think they would have ended it with The Last Dance, because Kraven is a weird choice as a curtain closer. There’s no sense of closure or wider universe development. Truth be told, the films have NEVER felt connected, which is a baffling choice, almost as baffling as “let’s make a series of films based on villains we treat as heroes”.

So, how about Kraven on its own? It doesn’t work. It’s not as bad as Madame Web, but it’s not really good. It feels like it was written scene by scene by different writers, with no rewriting going on to connect them once they’ve happened. Characters are not just inconsistent, there are times when their very existence seems baffling. He finds a woman based solely on the fact that she put a card in his pocket. He meets up with her and asks for her help in finding people, within five minutes of telling her “I’m a hunter, I can find anybody”. So……..why does he need her again? A lot of his attributes are not only informed attributes (where we hear of them, but never see them), but they’re also often visually disproven. Characters speak as if he hasn’t been spotted and is a complete mystery. He then runs along the street in central London with no disguise. Not only would he have been seen, but there would also be youtube edits of him 5 minutes after the first time he runs on the outside of a building.

Some of the performances are serviceable, but they never ever get better than that. However, they sure do get A LOT worse. The accents are as inconsistent as the visual effects (and that’s not a compliment to either of those), there’s one performer in particular who is only in for a few minutes at the start, but her line delivery is SO BAD that it’s almost laughable. It’s so bad, in fact, that I won’t even name the actor or the character because there’s no way this performer was trained, and if they were, they should ask for their money back.

The ADR is more noticeable than any film I’ve seen in a while, the CGI is ropier than a BDSM pirate ship, and the action scenes are flat, with even bloodshed moments feeling like they have no impact. It’s not just that there are a lot of bad moments, there’s nothing good. The soundtrack is completely forgettable, even Madame Web had a Cranberries song.

In some ways, I’m sad the SPUMC is other, people always look forward to a load of SPUMC coming at them, and every film in this franchise has potential. But it’s never lived up to that. There’s not a single drop of SPUMC that hasn’t made you wonder whether it could have been better.

Madame Web (2024) Review

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Quick synopsis: Cassandra Webb is a New York City paramedic who starts to show signs of plot convenient-clairvoyance.

I was supposed to watch this a week earlier, but I was unable to go down to the cinema due to a random bout of sickness. Now I’ve not only recovered from illness but have managed to catch this at the cinema I can finally say…

I miss the days when I was ill.

Going to start by saying this; Madame Web is not as bad as Morbius. Morbius had absolutely nothing going for it. MW at least has one GORGEOUS shot, sets something up for the future (which now probably won’t happen), and ends with a Cranberries song. I mean, the rest of the film is dogshit though.

I actually went into this knowing it would be terrible. I don’t think that affected my viewpoint though. I mean, I went into Ghostbusters: Afterlife having only seen negative reviews, and that won me over. Conversely, I went into Wolf expecting it to be great and that………was not. It wasn’t just the early reviews that caused me to think this, it was the trailer too. The trailer said absolutely nothing about who this character is, or why we should bother paying for a ticket to see her movie.

I don’t get how Sony decided that THIS was the movie they wanted to release. They picked the screenwriters of Morbius FFS. How does that make sense? “Hey, these two people wrote one of the worst movies of all time, let’s hire them again”. The plot is DUMB, the dialogue is some of the worst I’ve ever seen, and the characters are badly written. It feels like it was written by AI; nobody speaks or behaves like an actual human. Nothing really has consequences. Cassie is thought to have kidnapped the children, so she has to hide out with the teens to avoid suspicion. All standard so far. But there’s not really a reason for people to believe that. There were witnesses to the police being attacked by the villain, and all it would have taken was one of the multiple police officers on the scene to radio in “It’s a man in a Spider costume”. At least one person would have seen the villain get off the moving train too. They also would have seen him pace down the train whilst angrily staring at the teens. The kidnapping (which happens during working hours), is later reported in that day’s newspapers. You know, newspapers are famous for 3pm printings and distributions, everybody loves picking up a newspaper on the way home from work instead of in the morning. That’s such an easy problem to fix too, just show it on a TV screen. It only seems to be done via newspaper so the film can get a daily bugle reference in.

Usually when I’m writing a script I go through one draft where I delete the names and see if I can figure out who is who just by character actions and dialogue. You could not do that with MW. Characters change personalities from scene to scene, going from nervous and bookish, scared of drawing attention to themselves, to dancing on the table in a diner (completely sober).

The song that woman is dancing to? Toxic by Britney Spears. A song which wasn’t released until January 2004, in a film set in 2003. Why is it set in 2003? No idea. I’ve heard rumours it’s so they could tie it into the Andrew Garfield films, then the Tom Holland ones, then realised none of those timelines work. I’m not entirely sure I would believe that, but it would back up the absolute clusterfuck that is this movie. It being set in 2003 adds nothing. I suppose you could argue it means that you can use Uncle Ben as a living character. I mean, him being Uncle Ben adds NOTHING, if anything it makes Spider-Man a worse character, as it means he likely based himself on the supervillain from this film. All the 2003 setting adds is weirdness, especially in terms of music. It’s not just “that song wasn’t out yet”, it sometimes goes too far the other way, using too many songs from the 80s and 90s. I don’t think many radio stations in 2003 would play the 1987 Tiffany song I Think We’re Alone Now early in the morning. It doesn’t feel very 2003, and unlike the Spider-Verse soundtrack, it doesn’t feel very New York. Except for a Yeah Yeah Yeahs song near the start, it’s the most generic soundtrack outside of royalty-free music. That’s not the most offensive part of the audio though; it feels like a lot of Tahar Rahim’s dialogue was rerecorded in post-production. Sometimes it’s not as noticeable, his mouth being obscured, but then there are some times when the dialogue doesn’t match his mouth movements at all. That’s not just bad, that’s a failing grade at film school.

MW doesn’t even have the decency to look good, it overdoes the swoopy 180 shot. Some of the action scenes are incomprehensible in terms of staging and choreography. That being said, there is one PERFECT shot; a car quickly drives away, turning as it does so. The shot is a standard “snow gets kicked up into the air by a speeding tyre”, but with broken glass. It looks absolutely stunning and may be one of my favourite shots of the year. But other than that? It’s like a glass of cloudy lemonade left for four days; it’s murky, it’s flat, and it’s ugly.

So that’s established that the script is shit, the directing is shit, and the sound is shit, what of the performances? Sydney Sweeney, Isabella Merced and Celeste O’Connor are good and I would like to see a full-length Spider-Women movie featuring them (just with a different director and screenwriter). That’s actually my main takeaway from this; it was a trailer for a film that will now never be mad. I don’t know how much Emma Roberts was paid but considering her level of stardom it was undoubtedly too much for how little she’s in it. Adam Scott is fun, but again, isn’t in it enough to really be memorable. So, no issues with casting there.

Dakota Johnson is fucking terrible though.

Spider-Man: Across The Spider-Verse (2023) Review

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Quick Synopsis: You know that meme of the two Spider-Mans pointing at each other? That.

Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse (or Smitsv; pronounced Smitsvee) is one of my favourite films of all time. Noticed I didn’t add a qualifier like “animated” or “superhero” to that. It’s genuinely a fantastic movie and the creativity and visuals are of such high quality. Since then, multiverses in cinema have become commonplace, especially in superhero media. Even the last live-action Spider-Man was a multiverse story, so what will can this bring to the table that’s new? Plus, it’s a sequel. So there was always a chance that this wouldn’t be as good. Then I saw early reviews, both from professional reviewers, and from people I know, and they all seemed to say the same thing: this doesn’t come close to matching the original, it surpasses it.

Spider-Man: Across The Spider-Verse (or Smatsv) has some of the most beautiful animations I’ve seen. Different styles too, there’s Lego animation, some parts resemble a watercolour, and some feel more like a ransom note made up of cut-out letters from magazines. The whole thing is a complete visual delight which is truly incredible to watch unfold.

But as defenders of video game designers would say; it’s not about the graphics. Doesn’t matter how pretty a film is, if the story is dogshit (as anybody who watched The Snowman can attest, the crime one, not the animated one). The story for this? Superb. There are going to be some people who won’t like the ending, and the way the whole thing concludes is going to annoy A LOT of people, but it worked. Fuck it, I’ll say it now; this is part one, with the story concluding next year. So it ends with a cliffhanger. Some people may see this as a waste of time, and view the story as incomplete. I loved it. I will admit that my immediate reaction was “Get the f*ck out of here”, but then I was excited. I am already hyped for the next one.

This does so much more than you’d expect. It’s not just “Spider-man vs. a different version of him”, The main villain (The Spot) is utterly terrifying. His motivations are logical, his arc makes sense, and his journey from nobody to nightmare is a horrific piece of brilliance. I’m really curious as to how his arc ends in the next one, but more intrigued by the new villains introduced in the ending sequence.

There’s also A LOT of emotion in this. This isn’t a standard “good vs evil” but includes themes of loss, guilt, responsibility, sacrifice etc. A central theme is about how loss and grief can shape you (themes which will later be talked about in The Flash movie). It goes a lot deeper than it needed to, and I will always appreciate a film doing that.

Don’t get me wrong though, it is also fun. Before he becomes a universe-destroying abomination, the way the universe reacts to The Spot is hilarious. Pavitr (the Indian version of Spider-Man) is adorable and is great at defusing tension without it being distracting. Hobie (the British Punk Spider-Man) also provides comedy, as well as defiant energy which helps the plot in some of its slower moments. Fans of the franchise will also love seeing the nods and winks to other versions, I think practically every iteration of the character is represented here (except for possibly the Marvel 1602 version). Yup, even the live-action and video game adaptations are represented here.

Now on the downside: there’s the aforementioned cliffhanger ending which is guaranteed to annoy some people. It is also slightly too long, with some moments which could definitely be trimmed down. The biggest issue for me? The music isn’t as good as the first one. I loved the soundtrack to the first one, which included many memorable songs. This? I can’t remember any music from it.

Do you know what it reminded me of? There’s a Batman comic called Whatever Happened To The Caped Crusader? It deals with the realisation that there are multiple universes with a Batman. The elements change slightly but there are a few constants; the deaths that form his character, his isolation, but also that he never gives up. That sense of “every version of you is built from suffering” is prevalent in this, and I absolutely loved it.

Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021)

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Quick Synopsis: Peter Parker makes a deal with Doctor Strange so that everybody forgets him, but ruins the spell and finds his world invaded by different Spider-man foes from the multi-verse.

I had to wait a while before posting this because I have to talk about the spoilers for this review. It’s hard to talk about this without discussing the surprises. That’s both a good and bad thing. The emergence of the alternate universe Peter Parkers is a big deal, but let’s face it they were kind of expected. They did their best to hide that reveal, but it was still somehow really obvious, especially with the set leaks. So really the only surprise was Daredevil being in it, and the death of a major character. So after the major reveals, there’s not really much in this film that’s essential to watch, it hinges on those reveals so much that the rest is kind of lacking.

Don’t get me wrong, this is incredibly fun and you’re not likely to be disappointed. But I felt similar to how I felt after Endgame, that it’s closed off a lot of doors that the films had previously opened. The big one is that the end of Homecoming had the Vulture know Spider-mans identity, and keep it secret so that he had some leverage. That’s now wasted. On the upside, it has reset the character somewhat so he now has his own identity. The previous films have made him feel a bit too much like Iron Man Jr. Not just with the Stark technology being a major part of his suit, the villains for the first two didn’t even have an issue with Spider-man, they hated Tony Stark. Now he has no access to Stark-tech, he is dependent on just himself. Also since he’s no longer part of the Avengers, he won’t be called upon to take on large world-destroying threats, he’s back to being a friendly neighbourhood Spider-man.

The action scenes here are better than Marvel has done in the past, the true action centerpiece has at least three fights going on at once, none of which are at ground level, and it takes place at night. It would be very easy for that to be an incomprehensible mess, but Jon Watts is a talented enough director that it’s really easy to follow, the geography of the scene makes sense, and it’s always clear what is happening and who is involved (he’s also directing the next Fantastic Four movie, which is a good sign). There are some CGI moments that are a little ropey, but sadly that’s to be expected in an MCU movie. They’re not bad enough to ruin it, but they do occasionally remind you that you are watching a movie.

The performances are all fine, there are no performances here that stand out as the best of the year, but there’s nobody who does it badly. Tom Holland continues to completely nail the character here, and his interactions with Andrew Garfield and Tobey Maguire is a delight to watch. Personally, I wish they had gone further, there are moments where Garfield and Maguire allude to things that weren’t in the films, but do we really believe there are only 3 Peter Parker Spider-mans in all the multiverses? They could have had some turn up who haven’t been in a film, but would have made a good Peter Parker (Andrew McCarthy, Donald Glover etc). The fanfiction that would kick off would be incredible, and it would make it feel like things exist outside of what we’ve seen, that there are other universes that we haven’t seen. Also I would have loved to have seen 2 different versions of the same villains turning up (also this film doesn’t explain why the ones who come through are the only ones, whilst other important characters don’t).

Overall, I really enjoyed this. One of the best MCU films of the year (only one that can match it is Shang-Chi), and a perfect way to end 2021. I’ve seen it twice, and I really want to see it again, that’s a testament to how good it is. It’s not QUITE as good as Into The Spider-Verse, but few films are (side note, what is it about Spider-man that makes him the perfect conduit for multiverse theory in films aimed at kids?).

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings (2021)

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Quick Synopsis: Martial-arts master Shang-Chi confronts the past he thought he left behind when he’s drawn into the web of the mysterious Ten Rings organization.

It’s been a while since I’ve seen a Marvel film that had so many people WANTING it to fail. The internet seemed full of people who were desperate for any bad news so that they could say “see! Go woke, go broke!”. They NEEDED it to be bad. Sucks for them then that is incredible. Comic book movies need a compelling villain. Loki was the only bearable part of the first two films, and the villain problem is why some Marvel films haven’t quite hit as they needed to. Wenwu is one of the most compelling villains in the MCU so far. Usually a lot of their villains are “same powers as the hero, but evil”. Sadly, this does do that, but the fact that the villain is the heroes father adds an emotional level to it. Especially since he’s not inherently evil, he’s misguided and being controlled by forces beyond his control. He was a villain before the events of the film, a figure of pure fear for people across the globe. But by the time the film starts all he wants is to get his wife back. That’s what inspires everything he does, and it’s weirdly beautiful. The downside of him is there is so much time spent on him, that the bigger bad that he’s doing it for only really matters in the third act, and doesn’t last for long. It’s his desire and love which leads to the third act CGI battle.

That’s the biggest issue, how underwhelming that final third is. It seems too big that it becomes impersonal, which considering the main core of the film is personal relationships is a bit weird. Instead of being a controlled dynamic set piece, it’s just CGI against CGI, and lets be honest, CGI hasn’t exactly been the MCU’s strong point so far (just look at some of the flying scenes in Captain Marvel for example).

It’s weird as there are some great fights in this. There’s a great rhythm to the way the fights operate. The way they use the surroundings brings to mind the best of Jackie Chan, where the layout of the room effects the way the action operate and it becomes almost a puzzle coming together, and means every fight is different. They also do a great job of demonstrating character through the action. You could show somebody the bus fight and they would get not only the main character, but also Awkwafina’s character.

Time for me to mention it. Awkwafina steals the show here (much like she did in Raya). She’s absolutely hilarious and serves as the audience in terms of introduction to the world, with Shang-Chi explaining everything for her. An incredibly unsubtle way of doing it, but it’s effective. She gives the best lines of the film, which considering the return of the fake Mandarin also happens (spoilers btw) is really something. One downside of her character? Her character arc doesn’t really work. She starts off as the standard “uncertain what to do in life and constantly changes plans” character, then picks up firing a bow and arrow, and is unnaturally good at it. She becomes good at it so far, and becomes so important in the final fight that it feels like Marvel knew she’d be a popular character and wanted to make her powerful. Does the MCU not have any normal characters? It’s okay to have characters who can’t fight, the way they’re treating it seems to be that if you can’t kill people, you’re worthless.

The mid-credits do a good job of setting up the future, with Captain Marvel and Bruce Banner working together (with Banner in full human form). If this is picked up in the future it could be exciting, but I doubt they’re going to deal with it in the new Spider-man movie (how fucking stoked are you guys for that, btw?) so might have to wait a while for that storyline to be moved forward. Eternals is released this year but that will have to be introducing so many characters that I’m not sure they’ll have time to deal with the ones we already know. The Doctor Strange, Thor, and Black Panther films will probably have their own things going on. So the best bet will be in The Marvels, and that’s not out until November next year. The MCU is juggling a lot of balls right now (lol, I said balls) and it’s going to take some skill for them to make the whole thing a coherent narrative again. Fingers crossed.

That’s why I think this is a great film. It works brilliantly on its own, you’re not there thinking you have an unfinished story like you do with something like Brightburn (or even Guardians Of The Galaxy 2 to an extent), but it also sets up the future plans. I’m excited to see what happens, and I like being excited for cinema. When I do the round-ups at the end of the year I can sometimes struggle to not repeat myself, but there is so much I didn’t mention in this review. The lead performance, his sister, the brutal nature of some of the fights, hotel california, Abomination, Wong, the sonic connections. There is so much to talk about with this, and that’s really what you need, to feel excited, to become a fan again, to the point where you become like a little kid describing something he loves “oh, and another cool thing, and then this happened” etc.

2019 In Film Day 6: The Amazeballs

On By troubledproductionsIn Year round up1 Comment

Avengers: Endgame

I wasn’t going to put this in this one originally. It’s so deeply flawed, not within the film itself, but in terms of what it closes off. It basically means so many things I was excited for will now never happen; Civil War meaning anything, a villain taking advantage of the chaos of half the universe disappearing to motivate himself, or even one that’s motivated by his family disappearing, blaming the Avengers for not doing enough to stop him. None of that will happen now. I decided to put it here because it’s a three-hour film that I watched on a flight and didn’t feel the urge to skip any of it.

Original review here

+The sheer sense of scale.

-What it closes off. Also the “big emotional moment” was incredibly obvious.

Childs Play

Damn this was entertaining. This had a lot working against it, not only was it a remake (I say “was”, still is, not as though it’s status as a remake has changed), it’s a remake of a film franchise which I’m very familiar with and kind of love. It was made without the consent of the original creators, whilst the franchise is still going strong (unlike Nightmare On Elm Street etc, where it’s pretty safe to say the original franchise is dead). If this had major flaws, trust me I would have picked up on them and used them as a stick to beat the bloated corpse of a terrible movie with. But it was hard to think of any major flaws with this movie. The biggest one isn’t even a dealbreaker for me; it’s just that it feels a little restrained, like it could go further. I’ve read some reviews which talk about the teenage characters being annoying; personally, I found them funny. They weren’t fully realised people, but then again teenagers aren’t. Their decisions made sense considering their age and personalities. So yeah I enjoyed this film. I found it a worthy addition to the name and a good way to kick-off a new franchise (which this is so obviously trying to do)

Original review here

+Mark Hamill’s performance.

-The scene in the toy store near the end REALLY needs to be more brutal and more chaotic. Some scenes feel slightly neutered, and none more so than this.

Fighting With My Family

Personal bias; I loved this movie. I found it heartwarming with great performances and engaging characters. Yes it takes A LOT of, shall we say, “creative liberties” with the truth but I feel it has to. Professional Wrestling is a really weird industry at the best of times, once you get into “yeah she was in the developmental company which gets higher review ratings than the main show, but MUCH lower ratings, so whilst she was never likely to lose her job, her promotion to the main roster was still a bit of a surprise”. This film would not work if it wasn’t for Florence Pugh. She doesn’t do a great impression of who she plays, but she embodies the character so perfectly that it’s hard to unsee her as who she’s supposed to be. Essentially she’s not doing a good impression of her, she’s doing an impression of what your memory thinks of her. Subtle difference but very important.

Original review here

+So darn lovely at times.

-The woman it’s based on was forced to retire before this movie came out and the movie never mentions it, just bad timing.

Happy Death Day 2 U

This is not as tight as the first one, not by a long shot. It’s still a great movie though. Yes the sci-fi based plot isn’t as good as the more straight-up horror of the first one, but there’s just something so endearing about this film. A lot of if is down to the performances of the two leads; Jessica Roth and Israel Broussard. Not only do they have great chemistry but they are great individually too. There’s a scene where Jessica Roths character is in an alternate universe and realises her mother is alive in this one, I defy anybody to watch it and not feel for her. Similarly when she’s trying to decide whether to go back to a universe without her parent in it, or to stay in one with a parent who has memories of things she doesn’t. It’s a compelling character piece and would be ideal for a really depressing short film.

Original review here

+The montage editing is superb. Plus it feels like a second part of the first movie, rather than a sequel. It doesn’t feel tacked on, it slots in perfectly.

-Not quite as good as the first one, and the ending feels a bit cruel

John Wick Chapter 3: Parabellum

This film features Keanu Reeves riding a horse in a city and killing people. Of course, I’m going to love this. I will admit this is not as good as the first two; it goes on a little bit too long and the sequel-hook is a little bit too obvious. Quite a few scenes really drag to the point where if the cinematography wasn’t as impressive as it is you’d be bored. This rating all depends on the next move though. If the next film is poor then this will be known as the film where the cracks started showing. I have faith that the next film will still be good though, so it stays here, for now.

Original review here

+The world building is immense.

-A bit too long at times.

Knives Out

Was genuinely surprised by this, which is a bit weird as it had really good reviews and people seemed to love it. I guess I just thought that it would be one of those films that I would just not “get”. But yeah I loved this. I have a soft spot for ensemble cast films, mainly because they’re really hard to do without having some characters seeming underwritten. Now that I think of it though, that’s usually a bigger issue with multi-story films (such as Men, Women And Children) than ensemble films. I’m also a sucker for mystery films, I like it when they’re so well written that when the reveal happens you feel like an idiot for not getting it earlier because in retrospect it was obvious but you didn’t realise at the time. This gets it out of the way by revealing the “killer” very early on, but then giving you another mystery to solve, albeit one which isn’t as unobvious as it thinks it is.

Original review here

+The script, it’s that damn good

-Not quite as slick as it could be.

Late Night

I have a lot of personal love for this film. I loved the story being told, the characters, and how funny it was. It had a real warmth to it, but not a nice warmth that you feel envelop you like a hug, this was a warmth that stings. The satire is razor-sharp and accurate, to the point where it’s kind of depressing as the points they’re making are ones we should be past as a society by now. The main draw is the chemistry the two leads have; the role was allegedly written specifically for Emma Thompson by the other lead (Mindy Kaling) and you can tell this is kind of a dream project for Kaling. When I criticise films I often say “I can’t imagine someone fighting and dreaming to write this script”. With this I can. It feels like a script that Kaling NEEDED to get out of her.

Original review here

+So damn relevant

-Doesn’t seem to make the most of opportunities to make it seem like it exists in this world. There are a lot of chances to have cameos but it doesn’t take them.

Rocketman

Why was this not a bigger film? The fact that this film got less Oscar nominations than Bohemian Rhapsody is a travesty. Everything Bohemian Rhapsody did well, this did a lot better. The performances, the directing, the story, all of it was better; plus it didn’t tell lies about a real persons death to sell the narrative. Some people didn’t like that the film occasionally resembled a musical, I thought that was a perfect way to do it though. This is Elton John, you can’t do a standard film for someone like him, it has to be something extravagant and extra. Let’s be honest, does Bohemian Rhapsody really tell us ANYTHING about who Queen were as a band? This film tells you who Elton John is through the style, and that’s brilliant. It also shows you how many brilliant songs he’s done in his life.

Original review here

+Incredibly honest about his flaws.

-Some of the supporting characters seem a little underwritten.

Shazzam

So damn warm. The second best DCU film (Wonder Woman is top in case you were wondering) I’ve seen. I realise this film is heavily flawed; the pace is slow at the start, there are sections where the villain is missing, and it doesn’t have a unique visual style. It didn’t matter to me though. It was so enjoyable it allowed me to ignore the multiple flaws. I realise now that feeling matters a lot to me in films. If it gives my cynical self that feeling of magic it increases the chance of me loving it. If when I watch it I’m genuinely transported outside of myself. This does that perfectly.

Original review here

+Zachary Levi NAILS the performance perfectly.

-Needs a distinct visual style to truely be great.

Spider-Man: Far From Home

OMG, Mysterio turned out to be the bad guy? Who would have guessed? Well, everybody, let’s face it. It still worked though. We knew he’d be bad, but the way they did it was brilliant (albeit the worry that both of the Spider-Man villains seem to hate Iron Man more than they hate Peter Parker won’t go away). Watched this again recently and it still holds up. It’s probably one of the most visually interesting earth-based MCU films, some of the hallucination sequences are stunning to watch, incredibly inventive. You do have to question the logic of having such an obvious sequel hook when you’re not 100% certain you’re going to retain the rights to the character though.

Original review here

+So funny.

-Can we please have a Spider-man villain who’s motivation isn’t Tony Stark?

Toy Story 4

I had doubts about this, how can you make this film work after the almost perfect ending of the third one? Well, you do it like this. The Toy Story franchise has a great approach to sequels. You never think they’re essential until you watch them and then you wonder how the franchise coped without them. The new characters work well too, Tony Hale, in particular, gives a wonderful performance full of just enough depth and comedic background to make a suicidal spork seem like it fits into the universe.

Original review here

+It looks GLORIOUS

-Wait, so sporks are sentient now? Great, I now have to feel guilty about how I treat cutlery. Thanks.

Us

Expectations were high for this after the success of Get Out. Personally, I think this met them. The story is great, with smart social commentary and absolute genius use of foreshadowing meaning you don’t fully get it until the second viewing, when you can watch it and appreciate all the genius moments in it. The performances are great two, almost everyone plays two distinct characters in it, yet I think even without the costumes you’d be able to understand who is who due to how the actors distinguish each character through facial expressions and how they carry themselves. Best horror I saw all year, by a long shot.

Original review here

+The sense of unease over the entire thing so that even something as simple as a family walking on a beach is somehow unsettling.

-Not quite as well written as Get Out.

Wild Rose

Another film that I feel was robbed from an Oscar nomination it deserved; specifically, best original song. Bear in mind that’s coming from somebody who doesn’t like country music. But the music in this is so well done, so full of emotion that it doesn’t matter to me. It’s helped by the central performance. Jesse Buckley plays the role with such iron vulnerability that it’s hard to feel anything but joy for her when things start to go well for her.

Original review here

+The heart to it.

-Occasionally it seems like things only happen because the story needs it to.

Spider-Man: Far From Home (2019)

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I’ll start with the bad: there’s no Stan Lee cameo in this film. That’s weird, it’s the end of an era. A definitive part of these movies will now no longer happen. You’re so used to it that you expect it, then when it doesn’t happen you remember why, and it’s kind of depressing. But enough about sadness, onto this post-genocide film. This is the first film in the MCU to come out after Endgame, so a lot of eyes are on it. It’s also the first one after Iron Man and Captain America have left. So this needed to be great. Anything less than that would leave it being dubbed a failure. Thankfully this is great, simply great. The story is fantastic. I mean, everybody who knows anything about comic books knows that Mysterio would actually turn out to be the bad guy, so when that happens it’s not exactly a surprise. Jake Gyllenhaal continues to remind you that he’s actually really good. Not as good as he was in Nightcrawler, but good enough to annoy you that he’s not in more films.

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Continuing my theory that all good looking people are evil.

The way they do it is pretty damn great though, featuring callbacks to characters you probably don’t even remember existing. It also continues the emerging relationship between Peter Parker and MJ in an incredibly sweet way that will melt the coldest of hearts. A similar heart-warming moment occurs between Ned and Betty Brant. Oh, I guess I should talk about spoilers. I can’t talk about this film without mentioning spoilers. Particularly for the mid-credits scene. Tbh I have been kind of underwhelmed with quite a few of them. They’ve mostly been jokes or otherwise moments which didn’t feel worth waiting for, the notable exception being the Ant-Man And The Wasp mid-credits, which used the mid-credits scene to not only provide an emotional gut-punch, but also make you genuinely excited about what happens next. This tops it. The first one anyway. The second one shows that Nick Fury hasn’t been Nick Fury, he’s actually been one of the Skrulls from Captain Marvel this entire film (you do have to wonder how long that has been going on, how many times in films has Nick Fury not actually been Nick Fury?). This is kind of interesting for the future as it shows how he’s preparing to set up an earth defence system.

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Don’t know what it is but I imagine it will be more sophisticated than this

But it’s the one before that which is the most interesting: J. Jonah Jameson turns up! Not as a newspaper editor, but as some kind of internet “news” prick like Alex Jones. He plays doctored footage which implicates that Spider-Man committed mass murder. He then shows a video of Mysterio announcing Spider-mans real name. Well, he goes “Spider-mans real name is Pe-” and then it cuts out. You think it’s salvageable. You feel safe. Then it comes back “real name is Peter Parker” then shows a picture of him. This is a huge game-changer for the character. But you know what? I REALLY wish it happened earlier. Just imagine if the two Spider-Man films were somehow earlier, and this happened whilst Tony Stark was still alive. This leads to Peter Parker becoming hated by the world, Tony tries to protect him but Captain America thinks he’s guilty. THIS kicks off Civil War, leads to characters dying, and the guilt of that stays on the conscience of Peter Parker. Then the guilt on Captain America when he has that realisation that he’s been leading a war against a teenager. The emotion of that “shit, I wasn’t thinking, I was a complete prick” moment would have been off the charts. I would have loved that, and not because of how disappointed I was with the lack of consequences from Civil War. Now, that’s all well and good, but who has to play Jameson? JK Simmons was the PERFECT casting for that role and is the best part of the original Spider-Man trilogy. I may not be a big fan of those movies, but I have to admit they nailed that and anybody replacing him would have to try VERY hard to delete JK Simmons from peoples memories. Which poor bastard is replacing him? Luckily they got the perfect replacement. This guy is not better or worse than JK Simmons, but is on the same level. Once you watch this movie, you won’t be able to unsee this guy as Jameson. Instead of JK Simmons, we have……..

JK Simmons

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I know, I’m crying with joy too

Perfect. Absolutely perfect.

So yeah, go see it, it’s brilliant, and sets up the next stage perfectly, shit’s changing, and it’s going to be great to see.

Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse (2018)

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Before I start on this review I have to give out the biggest negative about it, and it’s one that will stop many people seeing the film. This film has intense flashing lights, so if you have epilepsy, or have sensory processing disorder, this might not be the film for you. That’s actually really annoying that that was not publicised. I mean, shouldn’t films that do that have a warning? We have warnings for “contains mild peril”, but not this. That’s…..really fucking weird and needs changing.

Now, onto the film…..this film loves the character of Spider-man, you can tell this by the way it mocks him sometimes. It’s like the lego batman movie in that way, it does make fun of previous films, but it’s done with such knowledge and love. This is a different kind of comic book movie, for one thing it’s REALLY weird. It’s a film for kids that deals with multiverse theory, didn’t get that in Thor (well you might have done but I didn’t pay attention because it was awful, or Thor-fal if you’re the type of person who feels the need to cram puns in where they don’t fit). It’s incredibly meta, but not too much so. None of this would matter if the actors didn’t put effort in, but the voice work here is great too. The film-makers didn’t skimp when it came to casting, you’ve got real talent here: Hailee Steinfeld, Lily Tomlin, Nicholas Cage, Liev Schreiber, Kathryn Hahn etc.

I mentioned the intense flashing lights earlier, apart from that this film looks SUPERB. The animation is some of the best you’ll see, with multiple styles displayed across the film, each incredibly distinct and gorgeous. The fight scenes are done brilliantly too, you never lose track of whats happening, the final fight in particular is a masterpiece of surreal film-making that plays out like a AAA video game boss level.

The soundtrack too, is amazing. It really suits the film, the songs are not only great but they go perfectly with the images. It does what a soundtrack should do, it complements the film perfectly. It also features what has to count as the best and most heartbreaking Stan Lee cameo ever. This is the first film released after his death (not counting the Deadpool 2 re-release), he appears on screen after Spider-man dies and says “I’m going to miss him”. F*cking heartbreaking. The most depressing part of the film, and there’s quite a lot of them, I mean, the original Spider-man gets killed early on, and all the alternate spider-men/pig/women are haunted by a death of someone, they’re defined by guilt about who they could not save. This is the best time to mention the characterisation of the different universe characters; they are all fully fledged characters with motivations and back stories. This could be a film to launch a franchise.

I honestly believe this might be the best Spider-man movie ever made, it’s VERY close. But yeah, the no warnings about flashing lights of that nature is hard to look past.

Avengers: Infinity War (2018) (Spoilers Version)

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Well I said I was going to put spoilers in this, so here goes:

Bruce Willis was dead all the time

Kevin Spacey is Keyser Soze

Clark Kent is Superman.

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Oh, I suppose I should talk about the spoilers in this film. I have quite a bit to discuss about this, the ending in particular, so I had to do a different blog for it. It would be unfair to spoil the film for those who hadn’t seen it, but there were certain things I couldn’t discuss without spoiling the ending. I think that’s kind of cool though, spoilers mean something again. Because the studio put a lot of importance on not letting the ending go, it meant that people who watched it put that importance on too, plots matter again. I like that.

But this specific ending? Holy f*ck. In case you haven’t seen it here it is: pretty much everyone dies. Spiderman, Black Panther, Star Lord, Drax, Groot, Samuel L Jackson, all dead. Which is kind of odd considering that pretty much all of them have been announced for sequels. This brings up my first point; as emotional as the ending was, it won’t last. It won’t be a film that in years to come you’ll think of as emotionally devastating films. The reason for this; the ending won’t stick. It can’t stick, they’ve announced a Spider-man sequel for one. So as emotionally crushing as the deaths were, everybody knows they’ll be back. Look at articles about it, they’re not discussing “oh no, how will the surviving heroes cope with such horror?”, they’re saying “which of these will stay dead?”, which sucks. The default setting in films should be when a character dies, they stay dead, coming back from the dead should be the exception, not the expected norm. So it’s hard to feel too emotional about this, as there’s a part of you that thinks “meh, they’ll be back” or “I’ll save my emotion for when I get to the next movie and see what happens”. I mean, yeah, I am intrigued as hell as to how they’re going to do it. Personally, I think it will have something to do with Thanos using the time stone to rewind time and kill Vision. Have a feeling that once someone can get hold of that they can use it to rewind back to the rewind (if that makes sense). This means the ones who died before that ((Gamora, Loki (seriously for the love of all that is good kill Loki and keep him dead. He’s a good character but is emblematic of the “no deaths count” thing MCU has)) will stay dead, whereas those that died after the snap (Spider-man, Bucky, Brooklyn 99) will come back.

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It is coming back, right?

No idea who’s gonna do that though, I’m guessing Captain Marvel will have something to do with it but can’t say for certain as I don’t know what her powers are as I’m not too familiar with the character. Maybe it won’t be the heroes, maybe it will be the scientists, we have no idea if Selvig is still alive, if he is given the technology seen in both Ant-Man and Black Panther he could create something great. That’s if he’s still alive though. That’s something I have a problem with in this, outside of Nick Fury (and not-Robin from HIMYM), all the deaths were major characters from this film. Marvel has had A LOT of side characters in their films, did any of them die? Will we ever find out? How was this received by people who had ABSOLUTELY no idea what happened? Random people just going about their day etc when their friend suddenly disappears? I guarantee people thought it was the rapture or something. But we don’t know, because we didn’t see it from a civilian standpoint, we got a small insight with the post-credits thing where cars and planes crashed, but nothing that shows their pure visceral terror. How much more impactful would it have been if we had a character hadn’t seen in years come back for a random scene, only to die? I have a slight feeling that we’ll see that next time we see Hawkeye, that his family all disappear and he goes on a vengeful warpath. I guess what I’m basically asking in all of this is this; is Ned okay? That’s all I want to know.

 

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We love Ned

 

Pre-Casting: Spiderman (as an actual John Hughes movie)

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So today’s the day. The UK release date of one of the most joyful and fun films of the summer; Spider-man Homecoming. As reviewed here you can tell we love it, so we needed to do something for this. So we decided on this; pre-casting. Much like (i.e. almost exactly the same as) our recasting series only taking place entirely in the past. In this case, it will be if it was made in the mid-to-late 80’s. Yes, we’re turning it into a literal John Hughes movie. Notes before we start; we’re ignoring hindsight for this, if someone was awful in the 80’s but suddenly gained magnificent acting ability in the 90’s, we can’t use them, it’s based entirely on them in the 80’s, future potential means nothing in this.

Peter Parker – Andrew McCarthy. 

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This is probably the hardest super-hero to cast, ever. Most superheroes you just need an actor who can do one of the following:

  1. Occasionally look dark and brooding.
  2. Be muscular and cool.

Spider-man is the opposite of that, darkness in that character is like a rabbit in the zoo, it just doesn’t belong and if you try to tell me otherwise I will beat you around the head with your “Welcome To The Rabbit Enclosure” sign. I don’t want to say he needs vulnerabilities as that makes it sound like you need him to be able to cry, but you need to cast someone who ideally you can never imagine being a superhero. That’s part of the character’s charm is that he’s truly leading a double life. Bruce Wayne still has an identity and a life worth living outside of Batman, you take away Spider-man from Peter Parker and he’d be destroyed as a person. You also need someone who not only CAN deliver a cheeky one-liner in middle of a fight scene but also make it seem like they’re the kind of person who would DEFINITELY do that if given the chance. Andrew McCarthy is one of the brat pack actors that people seem to have forgotten about for some reason, which is unfair as he was tremendously talented (still is, only has moved into directing with Orange Is The New Black). He’s someone who can play a wise-ass, but not an ultra-confident bullying one. As such I think he’d be perfect for this.

Mary Jane Watson – Molly Ringwald

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Some of these justifications will be longer than others. This one is simple; She’s Molly Fucking Ringwald and everybody is a little bit in love with her, if you’re not, you’re lying to yourself, and to me.

Anthony Michael Hall – Green Goblin

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I always thought he had a hidden darkness to him, like his characters are just one insult away from snapping and trying to destroy the world. So thought he’d be great as Green Goblin, thinking specifically of how the character was portrayed by James Franco in the movies. Somebody who feels underappreciated and overshadowed by his friend. Someone who would definitely describe himself as a “nice guy” whilst he plies women with alcohol so he can sleep with them. Someone who’s villainry is not only justified to himself, but he also sees it as the only logical thing to do.

Sandman – Emilio Estevez

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Cheating with the ages a bit here, but it’s an 80’s comic book movie, authenticity to the source material was never exactly top of the list. In this he’s a football player who got injured when he was a background character in a Spider-Man fight scene and so harbours a grudge against him. He follows him around to gather dirt on him and ends up in a freak accident where he becomes Sandman. Never really considers that Peter Parker is Spider-man as he’s so far different in terms of social status that he doesn’t acknowledge him. You need an arrogant dick with a ruthless stare for this, so Estevez.

Aunt May – Mai Zetterling

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Finally, someone who wasn’t in the breakfast club. The trouble with casting Aunt May in things like this is it can be easy to forget her toughness and determination. You need someone who seems like the kind of grandparent who treats their grandkids really well, but who is feared by her own children. Odd thing about this casting is it would have been her first film in over 20 years, and last time she was seen she looked a bit different, she was one of the original sex symbols in cinema, so to see her go from that to kindly Aunt May would be an odd transition, and would definitely help ticket sales even if only out of curiosity.

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Flash Thompson – Rob Lowe

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Obviously. Although this is dependent on one thing; Flash Thompson’s character being merged with Sandman is a definite possibility in this so would need to be differentiated enough. I think only way to do this would be in their interactions with the characters, Flash is the tormenter of Peter Parker, whilst Sandman is tormenter of Spider-man, play enough off the similarities between the two and it could end up being pretty intriguing.

 

So, that’s it for today. Where did we go right? Where did we go wrong? And why did we not cast John Cusack?