Tag: Rosario Dawson

Haunted Mansion (2023) Review

On By troubledproductionsIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Quick Synopsis: It’s a Disney movie called Haunted Mansion, don’t pretend you can’t guess that plot.

Disney is a huge company, I don’t think I’m breaking new ground by stating that. But it is an American company, again, I’m not exactly being controversial or shocking by stating that. As such, whilst parts of Disney are known worldwide (the characters, the logos etc), there are a few things that aren’t really iconic outside of the US: primarily things relating to the theme parks. Yes, people know the name “Space Mountain”, but outside of the name, the ride itself isn’t that well known. That’s why making a film based on a ride is always tricky because you’re aiming at a market with little knowledge of the IP you’re basing it on. If it’s something like Pirates Of The Caribbean then you work around it by not really basing it on the ride at all. But Haunted Mansion is one that is known to Americans, they are aware of the music, the visuals, and the story about the ride. So Disney needs to create something that would play to people who know nothing about the ride, whilst also making it worth seeing for people who adore the ride because even something as small as using the wrong shade of blue will make fans furious, Disney fans be crazy yo.

So, does this work? I think it does. I am a huge fan of child horror; that’s “horror aimed at children”, not “horror starring children”, so more “Casper the Friendly Ghost” than “Minipops” (which whilst not a horror, is very creepy and disturbing). I think PG horror is a great way to get kids into the horror. If you ask horror fans about their first experience of the genre, a large portion of them would choose something like Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark, Goosebumps etc. Haunted Mansion does a good job as something that will unlock the door for future horror fans; it has some well-crafted spooky moments (I wouldn’t really count them as “scares”) and set pieces that will live long in the memory. It’s helped by the fact it’s directed by Justin Simien, who gave the world the cult horror Bad Hair. He knows how to craft a genuine scare, and tones it down so that he can provide chills to kids (a bit like an ice cream man).

But what if you’re one of the 100% of people who read these reviews but aren’t a child? It’s going to be harder for you to like it. There’s a lot to appreciate in it, for sure. I don’t think LaKeith Stanfield has a reputation worthy of his talent. I genuinely believe he’s one of the best all-rounders the industry has; a face that suits magazine covers, the perfect voice for audiobooks, plus the ability to deliver an incredibly powerful monologue that will bring you to tears. He’s the ace in Haunted Mansions hole (phwoar). Don’t get me wrong, the other performers are fine, Rosario Dawson rarely gives a weak performance, Danny DeVito is always a pleasure to see (in a film, when he appears on the end of your bed at 2am clutching a bloody ice pick? Not so much), and Chase W Dillon gives a performance beyond his years. But everyone else is acting like they’re in a Disney movie, all overly expressive and aimed towards a mass audience. That’s fine, that’s really all you need in a film like this. But Stanfield? He performs like he’s in an Oscar-bait drama. The characters are all really well-written by the way. Although I’m still not exactly sure what Owen Wilson’s character brought to the film. But the rest? They mostly act in an intelligent manner. They don’t ignore obvious signs of hauntings, when they see evidence of ghosts they leave the house immediately.

The music? It should be better. I can’t remember any songs from this. I know a song played at the end, but I can’t recall it. I still get a song from Goosebumps 2 stuck in my head, so it’s not a memory problem; it’s an effectiveness problem.

So in summary? Wait until it inevitably comes on Disney Plus, which will probably be near Halloween. Would make sense, a film like this is made for watching after/before you go trick or treating. It’s not made for watching in the middle of summer, and I’m not really sure why they released it now, and why they gave it almost zero advertising. I know for a fact I’m going to check it out when it’s on Disney, but that’s mainly to figure if it actually did have two title cards at the start or whether my brain is inventing one of them.

Zombieland: Double Tap (2019)

On By troubledproductionsIn ReviewLeave a comment

Film reviews are a weird concept. Not entirely similar to film criticism, yet it can’t be entirely different. You can write hundreds of words reviewing a film, yet they really only need a question and a one-word answer: Should I watch this movie? yes/no. That’s all it boils down to. And with this, the answer is yes, with a but. If you liked the first one (as I did, I loved it in fact. One of my favourite zombie movies), you’ll like this, if you disliked it, this won’t change your mind on the franchise. It has some issues of course. The Abigail Breslin sub-plot is essential to the progression of the film, in fact, it’s pretty essential to everything in the film happening, but that doesn’t mean it’s exciting. The dullest parts are the film are when it’s focusing on her story arc. I’m not sure why, I think it’s because out of all the new characters introduced, the one in that section is the most boring. Not only because he’s a pacifist (this film is known for having great zombie deaths, and his pacifism pretty much tells you that is not going to happen in his moments) but also because it’s sorely underdeveloped. You don’t get much information on how he’s managed to survive this long, whether he’s always been like that or not. There could have been a really interesting back story where he was happily killing zombies and in a moment of madness killed someone who it turned out wasn’t a zombie. That would have solved the issue of not having any kills and it would have made the character more compelling.

Another issue is at times it feels like the characters are still getting to know each other, the character relationships don’t feel like they’ve all been together for 10 years. There’s almost zero development from the end of the last film to the beginning of this one. Nothing has happened off-screen in terms of how they treat each other, and it’s a bit weird and makes you realise these aren’t real people, they’re characters in a movie.

There’s a moment at the start where they introduce three new kinds of zombies (Ninjas, Homers, and Hawkings), these classifications don’t end up meaning much in the end and are really only there to set up another classification later in the film. We get a few Homers (really stupid zombies) in the film, but I feel we don’t get enough Hawkings (very smart ones) or Ninjas (silent and quick). That could have been used to set up some good horror scenes, and it’s a shame that it feels like they didn’t really use them.

Now onto the plus side; the chemistry between the cast is still great and is a great example of a studio taking advantage of catching lightning in a bottle in terms of actors. When you have something like that it can be a mistake to bring a new person in. It’s why I was slightly concerned with how heavily featured Zoey Deutch was in the trailers, especially as her character seemed pretty one-note and like her main reason to exist was to drive the plot forward by putting them in danger with her stupidity. Thankfully she slots in beautifully. Plus she’s not stupid, not really. She would have been 14 when the zombie outbreak occurred, so most of her formative years were spent hiding in a freezer. As such she’s stuck in a state of arrested development alongside long-term isolation (the film hints that she was at the same place the infection started, so she has been in the same place, alone, for 10 years). Her character meshes well with the other characters too, allowing them to get some great comedic lines in. Rosario Dawson also slots in brilliantly, albeit for nowhere near as long.

So to answer the question about whether you should see it, you definitely should. It’s exactly what you think it is, and exactly what it needs to be. It even features an opening scene set to Metallica like the first one. Now if another one is made, lets hope it’s not 10 years later again. Oh, and make sure you stay for the mid-credits scene where Bill Murray kills zombies whilst just walking around being Bill Murray.