Tag: Review

Black Bag (2025) Review

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Quick Synopsis: When his beloved wife, Kathryn, is suspected of betraying the nation, intelligence agent George Woodhouse faces the ultimate test — loyalty to his marriage or his country.

I think I may be a terrible film-watcher. There are some directors who I just never vibe with, and three of them are critically acclaimed. There’s Paul Thomas Anderson, there’s Wes Anderson (with the exception of Fantastic Mr. Fox and Isle Of Dogs, which would make you think my issue is his live-action visuals, nope, it’s the dialogue), and there’s Steven Soderbergh. I do like some of his stuff, but there are also a few things he’s done which I just haven’t vibed with; Presence was pretty but dull, Unsane was a gimmick, and I didn’t find Logan Lucky as charming as everyone else seemed to.

That doesn’t change with Black Bag, which, whilst I didn’t actively dislike, I was thoroughly underwhelmed by. There are a lot of moments to like, but in a big film like this, it’s weird that my favourite moments were the smallest. There’s a dinner party early on which is superb in terms of scripting and character dynamics. I love dinner parties in movies. They’re so fun to watch because they easily allow group conversation, and there are certain unspoken etiquette rules that it’s fun to watch get broken. Away from those small moments? It falters. The central McGuffin is so underbaked it’s liable to give you salmonella. It’s weird that “government agencies tried to implement a plan that would create a nuclear melton that would kill thousands of innocent civilians” is the least important part of this movie. There’s seemingly no discussion about whether it’s the right thing to do, barely a sentence on how they need to keep the plan hidden because revealing it would cause world war 3. There’s not even much discussion on the war the plan would be stopping. It’s a trolly problem which is only briefly glanced at, and never investigated. It doesn’t even seem that interested in investigating its own themes. A key point in the trailer is “If your job is lying to everyone, how can a couple trust each other?”. Which is an interesting theme to look into. Black Bag refuses to do so. The relationship between George and Kathryn is barely dented, let alone shattered. You never really get a sense that they don’t trust each other. Their utter devotion to each other is never shown as being at risk of being broken. Which is very sweet and all, but utterly uninteresting in an espionage movie.

Fassbender and Blanchett do have great chemistry though. You really buy them as a couple. Every scene the two share is filled with an air of “the second the camera turns off, these characters are gonna fuck”. In fact, all the performances were good. Which actually hurts, because it’s a shame they’re wasted in this. I’m still waiting for Rege-Jean Page to break through and become a household name because he already carries himself like one.

The performances are definitely the best part of Black Bag. As I said, the script is lacking (but I have a huge appreciation for how quick it starts, it goes from “opening credits” to “your wife is possibly a mole” within minutes), and it’s nowhere near as clever as it thinks it is (or it needs to be), and the music is forgettable. I also wasn’t a fan of the visuals, which can best be described as “staring at street lights after going swimming in a heavily chlorinated pool”.

Normally for spy films, I’d say it needs to go bigger. But Black Bag needs to go smaller; ignore the trolly problem, ignore the international satellite surveillance, and don’t bother with the money transferred to a bank account. Just have the whole thing as the initial dinner party, have it take place in real-time, and the secrets spread over the three courses. Yes, it would be a lot riskier, but it would allow Black Bag to focus on its strengths, which are the looks at the minutiae of spy work.

Presence (2024) Review

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Quick Synopsis: A family becomes convinced they are not alone after moving into their new home in the suburbs.

Full disclosure: I was originally going to post the review of Black Bag today and The Electric State on Friday (and spoilers for that, but “state” is an apt description). But then I watched Presence and realised I had the opportunity to review two films by the same director (Steven Soderbergh) in one week. I may never get that opportunity again, so I felt I had to take it.

Spoilers for the Black Bag review, but while I liked that more than Presence, I was more impressed with Presence. It was mismarketed though. The trailers etc made it feel a bit like a horror movie, when it’s more like a family drama. Yes, it involves ghosts, but that doesn’t make it a horror. Not in the traditional sense either. You won’t be scared of the ghost, you’ll be scared of one of the human characters definitely, especially since people like him are not only prevalent in society, but thrive.

At its heart, Presence is a tale of a family suffering. A mother who is doing *something* illegal, a husband who is worried he’ll be implicated and is slowly becoming disenfranchised with the relationship, a son who is so protected by his mother that he is doomed to fail, and a daughter who feels lost and alone while in mourning of her friends. None of these characters are perfect, all are DEEPLY flawed, the mother and son more than the others, she’s incredibly dismissive of her daughter while showering her son with praise, and he tricks girls into sending him nudes and then shares them with friends. All of them feel real. The performances are great (and Lucy Liu continues to prove that Bill Murray was wrong), and their chemistry is incredible. They all feel like family members, but family members with strained relationships.

Now, onto the ending. I’ll try not to say what happened, but those who do know will know what I’m talking about. I wasn’t a fan of the last scene where it explained what the presence was. Mainly because I feel it didn’t suit that narrative. I can buy that the ghost stayed to “fulfil its purpose”, which was killing someone. I can also buy that when it did that, it ceased to exist and floated outside the house into nothingness. What I have a little trouble with, was why it waited so long afterwards. It doesn’t disappear straight after doing what it was supposed to, it hangs around. And considering the characters are shown moving out, which doesn’t happen quickly, it’s obviously a while later. So why is the presence still there? Was part of its “mission” to hang around a bit until the characters realised who it was? I get WHY, it’s so that the audience understands what happened, but it felt like there could have been a better way of doing it. Even if it just involved the presence turning towards a mirror that was at the scene of the death, and we saw the reveal then. But at the moment? It’s too “there for the audience’s sake”. Unless, was it buffering? Is that a thing for ghosts that transcend? Obviously not, that’s stupid.

There were times when Presence didn’t feel like a movie, but like a video game. Not a Turok or GTA obviously, more like What Remains Of Edith Finch or Gone Home. You walk around and witness the environment, piecing together the story as you find objects, occasionally interacting with them, with occasional moments where people do a Darth Vader on Christmas impression and sense the Presence. To be honest, I feel that may have been a better medium to tell the story because as a film, there’s a disconnect between the film and the audience. It reminded me of Here, and not in a good way, although Presence is definitely a better watch. Presence is more emotional. I was always more touched by Presence, Here not so much.

Don’t get me wrong, Presence is an impressive feat, and it’s original, which I always appreciate. But if you strip away the fact it’s from a ghost POV, it’s not that interesting. I wish I could watch this on a virtual reality device, I get the feeling that I’d really get lost in it then. But on a standard television screen? Not so much. It feels more of a curiosity than a finished product. If it was a short? I’d have loved it.

Novocaine (2025) Review

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Quick Synopsis: A character nicknamed Novocaine can’t feel pain, he decides to utilise this after his love interest is kidnapped.

The world is shit. That has been the case for a while, but just today the world has seen a submarine sink in the Red Sea, storms destroy sacred temples in South Korea, journalists arrested in Turkey, and my custard cream just broke apart in my cup of tea. In times like this, while important and political films are needed, it’s nice to have a bit of escapism. While I LOVE films like A Real Pain, sometimes (and this may come as a shock) I want to watch a film that makes me happy rather than make me feel things.

It’s also a nice change to have Jack Quaid play a man who isn’t responsible for a woman being set on fire, makes a nice change. I’ve seen Quaid in Scream, and Companion (as reviewed here and here), but this is the first time I’ve seen him as the undeniable lead. He does a really good job. I’m used to seeing him as a sociopathic dickweed, so this is a nice change. He definitely has the charisma needed, maybe not for a major action film with a bigger budget than this, but I feel he has the charm to lead a rom-com.

He’s helped by a pretty tight script. Novocaine isn’t the smartest, most mature movie, but it does a really good job of showing why the characters’ inability to feel pain is a bad thing. We see how it affects his day-to-day life, from not being able to eat solid food in case he bites his tongue without noticing, to having to set a timer to pee because otherwise, his bladder might burst. This is a rather long-winded way of saying that for a dumb movie, this is pretty smart.

Novocaine makes the most of its concept, with every single action scene based around the gimmick. None of the scenes would work in a different film, which is what you want from something with such a unique gimmick as this.

Even outside of the gimmick, it kind of works. There’s a genuinely good mid-twist. On the downside, there’s something that’s supposed to be a twist, but was instead all over the marketing. Production companies NEED to stop doing that shit, especially with things that won’t actually make anybody see the film, so all they do is ruin the enjoyment of people who actually pay to watch the film.

Now on the downside: it is hard to ignore just as one-note this is. That doesn’t stop it being good, but it does stop it being great. Yes, it is a good gimmick, but the film’s reluctance to ever move away from it does mean it resembles a modern-day SNL sketch that goes on too long and features people you don’t know (or in other words, an SNL sketch). Also, the villains are not that interesting. I can vaguely remember what they look like, but it’s difficult when they don’t have that much screen time and spend most of that just sitting still waiting for the hero to come to them.

It’s also not technically the greatest. The fun from the fight scenes comes all from the script and performance, not from the direction. There’s one fight sequence near the end where the visuals actually detract from the action, with the core moment of it being too difficult to see what’s actually happening.

In summary; if this was the 90s it would be the perfect film to rent from blockbuster, in 2025? I dunno, watch it on Netflix or something, I guess.

Last Breath (2025) Review

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Quick Synopsis: The true story of Chris Lemons, a deep-sea diver stranded at the bottom of the sea with no oxygen.

There are some films which challenge every notion you have; films which are so complex and fascinating that it feels like you need to make notes during it just to follow. Those are fine, and it can be very interesting to see those complicated plots reveal themselves in front of you. Then there are films like Last Breath, films are so ridiculously simple you have to wonder how they can make it into a feature (similar films include Fall, Buried, and a third one I can’t be bothered to think of because I’m sleepy). Sometimes those films fail because they can’t maintain such a simple story (as in the case of Night Swim), but when they work? They’re superb.

Last Breath is a simple film, but it’s a great one. What it lacks in clever plotting or twists, it makes up for in tension. From the moment the breathing tube breaks, right to the final credits, you will be on the edge of your seat. It’s pacey, getting to the main plot very quickly, but not so quickly that it feels rushed. Crucially, you’re given enough of a reason to actually care about the characters. This is essential, especially since one of the characters (played brilliantly by Finn Cole) spends most of the film runtime unconscious on the ocean floor, so you can’t really get much character development done for him (unless you utilise flashbacks, which will break up the tension too much). So a lot of the introduction is spent on him, giving us a reason to care about him. The rest is logically spent on the other characters, all of whom are likeable, realistic, and (crucially), competent. The disaster isn’t caused by mistakes, stupidity, or carelessness. It just happened. In some ways that’s good, because it would be weird if incompetent characters were in charge of important things like that, it would be like having someone high up in government who adds journalists to online message groups where they discuss war, it would just be unrealistic and make them seem stupid. On the other hand; it makes it more terrifying. The idea that no matter how well prepared you are, no matter how many precautions you take, you can still die alone at the bottom of the sea just because of bad luck?

Make no mistake—everyone in this is DEEPLY competent, to the point where the competence is entertaining in itself. There’s something to be said about watching a group of people being VERY good at their job, it’s sort of like the opposite of watching BBC Parliament. Even decisions which in lesser films would make someone the villain (such as when a character decides not to drop anchor so they can stay near the abandoned diver), are displayed in a way that you know the character making that decision is uneasy about it, only doing so because they fear dropping the anchor will sever a pipeline.

If I’m being critical, Last Breath could do a slightly better job of showing WHY they’re doing certain stuff. You can pick up on a lot of it due to context clues or previous knowledge of diving safety equipment. But there are still some moments where the audience is seeing stuff happen, but aren’t told what the purpose of it is. It’s a minor criticism because I’m not sure HOW they could have done it without some ham-fisted dialogue. The ending also suffers from being nowhere near as interesting as what comes before it. Last Breath knows how to keep you interested during the dive, but it’s not quite as good at making the post-dive moments feel like anything other than a needless coda.

Those are minor criticisms though. Last Breath is genuinely one of the best films I’ve seen this year. The performances are great (Woody in particular has never been better), the visuals are striking in how sparse they are undersea, and the soundtrack is majestic without ever overshadowing the visuals. I’ve liked some films more than this, but Last Breath is the best movie I’ve seen with wide mainstream appeal.

Opus (2025) Review

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Quick Synopsis: A young writer travels to the remote compound of a legendary pop star who mysteriously disappeared 30 years ago. 

This is the debut feature of writer/director Mark Anthony Green, and I feel it has to be viewed through that lens. There are parts of Opus that could only be made by someone early on in their career, which I mean as a positive and a negative. There’s an ambition behind the work, an ambition and cockiness that would have been beaten down by experience. There are narrative and visual risks that can only come from a newcomer. On the downside; it doesn’t live up to its own ambitions. Green KNOWS what he wants to say, but he doesn’t quite know how to say it.

I will say this, Green is fantastic at setting up tense moments, he’s also good at all-out narrative chaos. What he’s not so great at is connecting the two. Narratively, it feels like a walk through creepy woods. Very slow, very deliberate, very unnerving. It then realises you’re never going to reach the end in time so pushes you down a hill. There’s a definitive cliff-pushing moment here, and the moment itself is brilliant. But it’s such a shift that it feels a bit weird. It seems like there could have been a few more scenes beforehand. I also wasn’t a fan of how it ended. I know what they were going for, and on paper, it’s a tremendous ending, truly some Twilight Zone/Outer Limits shit. But for some reason, it just didn’t work for me. I can’t even fully explain why. The ending made sense, it ties into the characters well, plays into the themes perfectly etc. It just……..I dunno, it didn’t quite land. It felt more like a concept of an ending, a casual conversation between people about “we should end like this” rather than an actual ending. It’s not helped by the fact that it’s dependent on everything going EXACTLY as they planned.

Not to say Opus isn’t a worthwhile watch. The music alone makes it a good experience. Green did a FANTASTIC job of setting the world up. It doesn’t punch you over the face with “This is how the world is different”. It sets up our reality, then slides into the Opus reality through aged footage and interviews with people the audience is familiar with. If you showed someone the montage parts of this, you could easily convince them that it’s reality. The locations feel real too. In particular, the compound feels vast and like you could actually walk around and explore it, with the film subtly providing enough clues that it’s probably possible to create a map. The music feels like real music too. Crucially, in regards to the pop star, it never feels like Malkovich is playing the part, it feels like he IS the part.

The other performers more than hold their own. Ayo Edebiri continues to be one of the most consistent young performers around, Juliette Lewis gives a performance worthy of the character, and Tony Hale has hair. Nobody gives a weak performance, even cult members who are only there for a single scene are spot on (as is Rosario Dawson as the puppet of Billie Holiday).

I love that Opus actually had something to say. The “cult of celebrity” aspect is not exactly subtle, but it is timely. I mean, America handed political power who named a department after a meme, and he was in that position because of his celebrity status (and bribery, possible bribery). People keep telling celebrities “stop talking about politics” (normally ONLY when they support a different political party than the person complaining), but political parties still court them, because they know the viewpoints of celebrities carry weight. The whole anti-vaxxer movement in the US entered mainstream political conversation because of celebrities, and for some reason, people view the medical opinions of Jim Carrey as having more worth than actual doctors. The cult of celebrity is ripe for satire and ridiculing, and that’s something Opus does fantastically. Yeah, it doesn’t quite know WHAT it wants to say about it, but I respect it for at least trying.

Green will make something superb once he finds his visual voice. At the moment, as impressive as it looks, it never looks unique. Even at its most tense, it feels like shots were designed with “now make this like a Jordan Peele film, now make this look like this Midsommar, now make this like The Menu” in mind. Opus is overly ambitious, but I would MUCH rather watch that than a film where the creators didn’t try. So it’s hard to dislike it too much, even if I didn’t like it that much as it went on.

Mickey 17 (2025) Review

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Quick Synopsis: Mickey is an expendable (not the Jason Statham kind), which means his job is to die doing dangerous work and be replaced by a new version of him again and again. Things go wrong when he carelessly doesn’t die, and meets his own replacement. Yup, it’s essentially Moon, but weirder.

I’ll say this right out of the gate; this isn’t as good as Parasite. But Parasite is one of the best films ever made. Mickey 17 is still fine, still so fine it blows my mind, hey mickey! Dumb joke, I know, but at least I didn’t make the “I haven’t seen Mickey 1-16” joke.

The other thing to point out is that just because you like the trailer, that doesn’t mean you’ll like the movie. The film itself is much slower-paced than you’d think. It’s not as chaotic and fun as the energetic trailer made it seem. That’s not to say it’s not a fun experience at times. There’s some FANTASTIC comedy in here. It’s just that in between the comedy and slapstick, there are dark truths about humanity and some incredibly unsubtle satire. It reminds me of how John Oliver described Russia; very funny, until it’s suddenly very not.

Mickey 17 is not subtle, and Boon Joon Ho is not a subtle filmmaker. But these are not subtle times. These are times when the world is going to shit, politicians are threatening to invade countries and their supporters respond with “Well just because he said he was going to explore military options to grab their territory doesn’t mean he wants to invade them”, as if countries will be persuaded to give up land by, I dunno, fucking parades or ironed uniforms or some shit? This is a perfect time for a movie like this. We need to see what happens when a populist and sociopathic leader is given power, his cult followers ignoring every sense of self-preservation because they believe the bullshit he’s sprouting. They believe the man who eats the finest food every day when he talks about how everyone needs to make sacrifices, which include cutting back on food for everyone else. Like I said, not subtle. Joon Ho wields his fury like a blunt weapon, but a weapon that has the potential to do a lot of damage. The fact that this feels VERY 2025 is weird considering it was meant to be released last year. The delayed release schedule has only made it feel more relevant, which is a depressing thought. It’s not just the politics, it attacks the personal too. It’s very telling that the first person to see Mickey die onscreen is his friend from earth (who is responsible for the situation in the first place), and he just reacts with nonchalance. Yes, he’ll come back, but what does it say that you can watch your friend die and not be haunted by it? How desensitized to human suffering must you be to not be bothered by it? Next time you want to know that question, look at how people respond to migrant deaths. We are not better than the characters in this movie. We are just as shitty, just as heartless, and we need to be reminded of that occasionally so we can fix that shit.

Even without the politics, it’s still a worthwhile watch. The visuals are stunning. The snow-covered beauty of Niflheim is poster-worthy, and the designs of the creepers perfectly toe the line between cute and disturbing. There are zero parts where the visuals let you down, whether it’s in space, the brutal deaths, or even the part where we see half a body being created.

None of that, the script, the visuals, none of it would matter if it wasn’t for the performances. Obviously, Pattinson will get the acclaim, and rightfully so. Even in the same clothes, there is zero chance you’ll get Mickey 17 and 18 confused. I love that he’s reached that stage of his career where he’s just doing weird shit. I want to see him and Radcliffe do something else together now they’re both in their weird shit phase. Mark Ruffalo is despicable, but his influences are a bit too obvious. I loved Patsy Ferran too. It’s actually the second time I’ve mentioned her in this blog, I mentioned her in my review of Tom And Jerry (available here) where I said

“The real star of the show for me is Patsy Ferran as an awkward bellhop. Her character steals every single scene she’s in and I wish it focused more on her instead of, well, every other human character”

She’s just as good this time too. But with the added bonus of actually being in a good movie and surrounded by talented performers this time. I still want to see her in a bigger role, but it’s still nice to see her.

Now onto the bad. There are moments when it seems things are being set up, which are then discarded. Characters act a certain way and then those motivations are ignored in the next scene. There’s also a dream sequence near the end which, to put it mildly, is a complete waste of time. It’s also going to be far too long for some people to be into.

Personally? I loved this. It was long, but I was never bored. It’s not my favourite film of the year. But it’s my favourite “blockbuster” that I’ve seen in a long time. I genuinely can’t remember the last time I was this pleased by a big-budget bombastic piece of cinema. I want more films like this. The world needs more films like this. And if there’s a single positive (albeit a very minor one) of the world’s shitshow, hopefully, it’s that we get great art like this.

One Of Them Days (2025) Review

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Quick Synopsis: When her boyfriend takes her rent money, Alyssa and her roommate race against the clock to avoid eviction

I love the Friday franchise, ever since I first saw the second one. They’re fun, funny, and very American. The first two were a huge part of my adolescence, and why I couldn’t honestly say that they shaped me in any way or form, I have, and will always have, warm feelings towards them. I’m hoping that in the future, people will be saying that about One Of Them Days (OOTD, pronounced ooot-ta-da). It does everything that Friday did well; the chemistry between the two leads (one of whom is played by a musician), a plot that revolves around finding money while trying to juggle adult responsibilities, a romantic yearning over someone, a group of unique and weird background characters. The biggest difference between the two is the lack of family presence in OOTD. Other than that, they are very similar. Not in a derivative or “what’s the point if I’ve already seen Friday?” way. More like hearing two bands play the same song; yes, the core beats are the same, but it’s up to the talent involved to make it work and play the same narrative tune differently.

Everyone involved is clearly talented. Keke Palmer continues to impress. I loved her in Nope, but OOTD allows her to flex her comedic muscles. She also has great chemistry with SZA (funnily enough; they both starred in the same episode of SNL back in 2022, I don’t know whether that had anything to do with this movie, I just found it an interesting tidbit). This is SZA’s acting debut, but you couldn’t tell. Most of the dramatic weight does go to Palmer, but there are no moments where you look at SZA and think it’s stunt casting, She more than holds her own, and while I don’t see her winning any Academy Awards in the next few years, I wouldn’t be surprised if she was given sole lead duties in something.

The supporting cast is great too, being helped by how weird the characters are. Katt Williams in particular is clearly having a lot of fun. It’s the first time I’ve seen Keyla Monterroso Mejia, but I’m a huge fan of what she did in the short moments she was on screen.

OOTD will not change your life. I can’t imagine it being the film which influences future generations to create. But it is an insanely fun time, and one I’m definitely glad I watched. I’m also curious what Syreeta Singelton will come up with next. She’s got a talent for dialogue and characterisation. The plot isn’t perfect, with it occasionally feeling like a series of skits using the narrative as an excuse to move between them, rather than a cohesive story where stuff happens. A few scenes also go on a bit too long because the script needs to fit a few more jokes in. But those are minor quibbles. It’s still something you’re unlikely to regret seeing.

2024 Film Awards: Day Four (The Visuals)

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Best Looking

Nominees

Poor Things

This will be divisive. The shots themselves are undoubtedly beautiful. But the weird fish-eyeness may put some people off. You’ll either be nauseous or entranced. but either way, they will affect your opinion of the film. I won’t lie, they are fucking weird, but so is the film, so it works. There’s a dreamlike quality to a lot of the shots, especially the exterior ones.

The Holdovers

Just watching the trailer gives you an idea of why I like the visuals. Yes, they’re not particularly stunning or incredible. But they really sell the period the film is set in. You can show someone this and tell them it’s from the 70s and they could believe you. I know it is something that just involved a filter and changing the lighting a little bit, but it was really effective.

Sometimes I Think About Dying

Sometimes beauty comes from bright colours, sometimes it comes from fluid motions, and sometimes it comes from making every shot like a painting from the 1800s. This is in the last category. Yes, there’s not much colour, but the use of greys, the use of blank space and desolate backgrounds, it’s art. No, it’s not complicated, but it’s stunning in its own way. This film is why “mise en scene” is talked about.

The Wild Robot

I’ve mentioned in a few of these about how sometimes the visuals match the story and enhance the viewing experience. I’ve mentioned mise en scene, I’ve talked about specific camera techniques etc. With this? All I can say is “Ooooooo, pretty”.

The Substance

Every film released this year was in focus, that’s an obvious point to make. But somehow, The Substance seemed more in focus. Striking visuals

Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga

It’s weird how something with so few colours can look SO good. I personally was not a fan of this movie. But it would be a lie to say it didn’t look absolutely sublime. Every inch of the screen is permeated with love, care, and artistic flair. Hey, I made a rhyme, and it was not even intentional. A lot of films (and video games, mainly video games) use dusty brown colour palettes as an excuse to look blander than a toast sandwich. Furiosa shows that up for the bullshit lazy excuse that it is. You can use that as the basis for your visuals, and still inject beauty, still inject moments of colour. Essentially, you CAN make it so it’s not fucking ugly.

Winner

I Saw The TV Glow

Much like Schoenbrun’s previous work (We’re All Going To The Worlds Fair), there are times when TV Glow makes you feel like you’re in a lava lamp being hypnotised. The bright colours, the cinematography, it’s absolutely stunning. It’s not just beauty for beauty’s sake, the ethereal nature suits the story too, enhancing the illusion the film is trying to sell.

Best Music

Side note, I’m not doing a “worst music”, but if I did, The Fall Guy would have won because of how often it played the same song by a band that f*cking sucks.

Madame Web

There’s a total of around 19 seconds where Madame Web is a good film. The music is 10 of them; when they play The Cranberries, and when they play Yeah Yeah Yeahs. That’s literally half of what is good in this movie, those two song choices.

The Iron Claw

A film’s soundtrack is not just “songs we want you to listen to in the car on the way home”. Sometimes they set the mood, sometimes they describe the characters, and sometimes (like in The Iron Claw) they PERFECTLY encapsulate the era. The visuals don’t really give away the period (outside of buildings which no longer exist), but as soon as you hear the soundtrack you know when the film is set, and you also KNOW it’s the United States, specifically one of the southern states. It would be like if a movie was soundtracked entirely by Blur, Oasis and Pulp, you’d know it’s 90’s England.

Sometimes I Think About Dying

For most of these, I have described the soundtracks as “the use of pre-made songs that have been chosen”, and haven’t delved much into the score. Obviously, that’s about to change, otherwise, that would have been a f*cking weird way to start this entry. Mute YouTube, then watch the trailer for SITAD. I can guarantee you know how it sounds just from the visuals. That’s not a criticism, by the way. It would be weird if this used joyful summer sounds. The music is PERFECT for this.

Winner

I Saw The TV Glow

Much like Worlds Fair, Glow is enhanced by the music choices. It’s not a soundtrack that will stick with you, there’s not really many songs that you’ll remember when its over. But while the film is playing? Alongside the visuals? It’s gorgeous. You can tell every song has been deliberately chosen to enhance the viewing experience. One of the few films I can imagine releasing its soundtrack on cassette and it wouldn’t feel like a gimmick.

Best Effects/CGI

Immaculate/The First Omen

Yes, I’m lumping these two together again, because there are moments for which I genuinely can’t remember which of the two they come from. So take this entry as if the two are a double feature counted as a single film.

The deformed fetuses are horrific, which considering what they are, is good. This has some truly wonderful body horror. When she witnesses the birth of something……well it’s not right, it looks awful, in a good way. There’s something truly unsettling about how the demonic hand comes out of the woman.

Kingdom Of The Planet Of The Apes

The modern Apes movies have always looked spectacular, and there were concerns this wouldn’t match it. Thankfully, it does. The original Superman movie was advertised with the tagline “You will believe a man can fly”. In this? You will believe an ape can speak basic English. You can make criticisms of this movie, but you can never say that the visuals took you out of it.

Abigail

Horror movies, particularly ones aimed at the audience Abigail is aimed at, need to make sure the kills are good. And how do you do that? By making them look good. If they look silly, or too fake, the audience is immediately taken out (unless the film leans into it). Abigail has some fantastic deaths, and the blood looks REALLY good. It doesn’t just look like water with food colouring, it looks thick, it looks heavy, it looks, well it looks fucking gross. So when you see someone covered in blood, the horror of the moment truly hits you, as opposed to making you think “That’s good makeup”, you think “Oh shit, that’s a lot of blood”.

Sting

Almost entirely due to how good the spider looks. Spiders are tricky to make look real when you increase the size because the way they actually move is weird as hell so when you see it close up there’s something “off” about it, and not in a scary way, in a “this looks stupid” way. Sting somehow manages to look real. I’ve said it before, there is an inkling of a GREAT movie under the surface here, and the visuals are a part of that.

Winner

The Substance

I was thinking twice about having this as a category. What made me decide to go through with it was knowing that The Substance was going to walk away with this award, and I feel I need to show this more love than I have done. In a film about beauty, it’s magnificent at showing ugliness. Not just the big moments, like the giant headf*ck at the end. But also the withered body parts that look suitably gross. The key moment is the first time she takes The Substance, where her back seems to rip apart. This could look painless, as if it’s just something that’s happening like someone opening their mouth. But the makeup up etc means that every inch of that back opening up looks like absolute agony, as it should.

Worst Effects/CGI

Nominees

Alien: Romulus

As much as I hate to give this a negative mark, the Ian Holm head is too off-putting to not mention. Apparently, they have fixed it for the Blu-ray release, but I haven’t got around to watching it yet. Also, I’m not rewarding them for fixing a mistake that shouldn’t have existed in the first place. Films shouldn’t need patches.

Hellboy: The Crooked Man

I’ve said it multiple times; this movie looks like low-budget porn, and the makeup is a big part of that. It looks like they didn’t have enough time to get it done properly, so it looks cheap and weird. Like it’s the base for a shot they’re going to improve later, rather than the finished shot.

Kraven The Hunter

There’s a scene in this movie where it looks like they CGI’d moving lips and blinking eyes on a still image to insert some ADR. It looks exactly as good as I made that sound. The rest of the CGI isn’t much better, with inconsistent effects, cartoonish blood, and “character in panto” levels of makeup, but the “look at what you became” moment is unforgivable.

Godzilla X Kong: The New Empire

When you want to make something look large, it’s not enough to just have low-angle shots for the whole thing. You need comparison, you need the giant monster to stand next to a building or a human, so you can truly be awed by the size. That’s where this movie fails, it spends most of the runtime with the monsters just standing around each other, so they don’t seem particularly impressive. It’s only in the final third when they start to fight in populated areas that you begin to get a sense of scale.

Winner

Argylle

I assumed the bouncing cat would be the worst CGI moment of this movie. Nope. There are multiple moments which look faker than a shop assistant’s smile. I know some things are difficult to make real, and that there will always be something that looks wrong with some moments. But when a close-up of a face looks fake, you’ve done goofed.

Best Stunts/Action Scenes

Nominees

Alien: Romulus

Normally, I reward action scenes based on speed. Romulus is different, the best moments aren’t really fast, but they’re SO well-crafted that I have to commend them. Some action scenes in movies are like smashing a snooker ball into a group of others, and watching them move. Romulus is more like dominos, you spend a lot of time watching them carefully be set up and positioned, and then they finally come down, it takes a while, but it’s immensely satisfying to watch them fall.

Boy Kills World

This came SO close to winning. The TV Show fight at the end is worthy of mention on its own. But there are so many other fights which come close to that. It’s especially remarkable considering its a directorial debut. It’s not just that they’re well-crafted, they’re inventive too, in an obvious way. By which I mean, there are things done that you haven’t seen before, but once they happen you think “Well now I’ve seen it, that was an incredibly obvious thing that should have happened before”. Boy Kills World was criminally under-advertised and undersold, and I highly recommend checking it out. Part of that is how funny it is, how sweet it is, how good the performances are. But none of them would matter if it wasn’t for just how damn entertaining the fights are.

Abigail

Mainly because of how the scenes perfectly blended the violence of death with the beauty of ballet. There’s a simple elegance to Abigail (Simple Elegance Of Abigail would make a grand album title btw) that helps it to stand out in the inevitable sea of clones.

Deadpool And Wolverine

The Deadpool franchise has always had excellent fight scenes, and DAW is no exception. From the moment the beats of Bye Bye Bye kick in and he’s beating people to death with a skeleton, you know you’re in for some inventive shit. The multi-deadpool fight could (and should) have been a lot better. But when the action scenes of DAW are good, they’re incredible and well worth checking out.

Gladiator 2

Have any of you played Condemned? I remember the first time I played that and beat someone with a crowbar. I was used to “hit thing, it falls down” standard physics in video games. But that’s the first time I remember thinking “fuck, that must have hurt” after hitting someone with a weapon. The hits had weight to them, meaning you felt every impact. That’s what Gladiator 2 does. Yes, the sharks are f*cking stupid, but the man-to-man fight scenes all feel spectacular, making you feel as if the lives of any of the characters could be ended in a single moment. It really helps to sell just how brutal and inhumane gladiator fights were, and why it’s a good thing Netflix didn’t make this movie otherwise they’d hold them for real, completely missing the “wow, look how horrible this is, and how horrific a society that allows this to happen would be” point of the movie. Yes, that was a Squid Games reference.

Winner

The Fall Guy

It’s a movie about stunts, if they messed up the action scenes then it would be a complete failure. What I loved about it was how practical the stunts were. David Leitch is tremendous at fight scenes (as anybody who has seen Bullet Train and Atomic Blonde can confirm), but action scenes involving non-humans are much harder. You can fully control a person, if you tell them to move backwards, you have a general idea of what their body parts are going to do, and they’re unlikely to suddenly do a backflip into a nearby fridge. Vehicles are different, a slight variation in speed or ground level can completely change how it reacts. So it’s amazing that Leitch managed to do what he did here, with every piece moving like a finely controlled part of a system. Also, they broke a world record for most cannon rolls in a car. I can’t watch a film that has that level of dedication, and not reward it.

Worst Stunts/Action Scenes

Nominees

Bad Boys: Ride Or Die

I wish the action scenes were better, I really do. But truth be told, they’re bland. I’m assuming they are anyway, I can’t remember them. As good as this franchise has been, it’s always been focused on the dialogue and plot rather than the gunplay. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it would be nice if some of the creativity in some of the shots was extended to the action.

Lift

There are many reasons why some action scenes fail. Sometimes it’s the performances, sometimes it’s the choreography, sometimes it’s the CGI. My issue with Lift is much simpler; the idea of the scene itself is too stupid. I’m talking about the “plane flying upside down” moment. It’s a scene so ridiculous (and not in a fun way) that it’s almost impossible to enjoy.

Borderlands

My main issue with the action scenes in Borderland is just how dull they are. There’s no creativity or skill to any of them. They’re also shot with the idea of “we need to see these actors” rather than logic, so characters supposed to be in disguise walk around without masks. There’s no sense of storytelling to them either, they’re just a series of action scenes with no connective tissue.

Winner

Godzilla X Kong: The New Empire

I’m actually not going to talk about the issues I have with size this time. Instead, I’m going to focus on one moment; when the titans etc are fighting on the beach near the end, smashing into buildings and destroying them. This should be epic, we should feel terrified for the people in those buildings. We should notice that there are people who’s lives are being ruined because their home/place of employment is being destroyed. Essentially, it should feel like this fight has an impact. It doesn’t. It feels like if you and I were having a punch-up in a model village. Yes, one of us will fall on a house, but we won’t feel any guilt for the people in it.

2024 Film Awards: Day Two (The Genre)

On By troubledproductionsIn AwardsLeave a comment

Funniest/Best Comedy

Nominees

Abigail

A horror comedy with a focus mainly on comedy. The assumption that any root vegetable would work instead of garlic is hilarious. The deaths are darkly funny, and the characters are human enough that the jokes work. You won’t put it on if you need a comedy, but you are going to laugh regardless.

American Fiction

This got a huge laugh from me within a few minutes. When a very white woman says she’s not comfortable reading a book with racial slurs in, and is told by her (black) lecturer she’ll get used to it; with as much disdain as he can possibly manage. The laughs keep coming, and keep getting more inappropriate.

Deadpool And Wolverine

Yes, you can argue that Deadpools shtick is getting a bit old at this point, that the main reason you associate “red” with Deadpool isn’t because of his suit, but because that’s the colour of the flag associated with any man who says that’s his favourite character.

Seize Them!

This is not a great movie. It’s certainly not an intelligent movie, but it is funny. Sometimes all you want in life is a dumb distraction with jokes about cleaving people’s arses off and then shoving them up whatever remains of their arse. I respect a film that ends with a joke about a fatal wanking accident, perfectly sums up what the film is about.

The Fall Guy

Ryan Babygoose is a treasure and must be protected at all costs. His role in Barbie helped showcase that he’s actually pretty good at comedy, with great timing. That reputation continues with The Fall Guy; where his previous reputation as a leading man is combined with great dialogue and (lets face it) incredible stunts. You won’t remember many lines from it, but you will remember that you were thoroughly entertained.

Wicked Little Letters

America thinks of Olivia Colman as an Oscar-winning actress, which she is. Yet to British comedy fans, she will always be Sophie from Peep Show; a foul-mouthed ball of disgust and anger. It’s great to see her slip back into these roles, and part of that is due to how much of a surprise it must be to American audiences. Truth be told, Wicked Little Letters doesn’t reach the heights it can, but it is comedic enough to be worth watching. It’s not Olivia, the supporting cast get their laughs too; backed up by a very believable script.

Winner

Boy Kills World

Obviously the voice of Archer was going to suit a voiceover in a comedic action movie. Skarsgard has tremendous physical comedic reactions, but it’s really H. Jon Benjamin that makes it work. Part of that is his performance, but the script is tremendous. Voice-over is sort of an easy way to get laughs because you don’t have to worry about other characters hearing them, so you can say whatever without it affecting the script. At times it’s ridiculous, but it’s always entertaining.

Worst Comedy

Dear Santa

The main issue here is one of tone. It feels like they had two or three different screenwriters and none of them could decide what kind of comedy they’d make, and they made no effort to talk to each other to make a cohesive script. It veers from “this is a joke for 15 year olds” to kids comedy sometimes in the same scene.

Red One

Again, a question of tone. Christmas movies are allowed to veer a little young, but this takes the cookie. I don’t mind dumb, but this is borderline insulting.

The Whip

The script is fine—it’s the strongest part. But the performances (one in particular) are distractingly bad. There are also some really weird directorial choices that take audience members out. The most egregious example is when they walk past the place they plan to rob just so they can do the “turn around” reveal. From our point of view, it’s a reveal, but from the characters? It was in their periphery for most of the conversation.

Unfrosted

Just because you have a successful television show doesn’t mean your success will translate to film. None of the four cast members (nor co-creator Larry David) have managed to transition to film with much success. Unfrosted doesn’t break that streak. It wants to be Airplane, but is more like an air crash. It has too many different comedians all vying for space, with none of them doing enough to stand out. It is REALLY funny, but it’s also too forgettable for me to really recommend.

Winner

The Garfield Movie

Speaking of successful television that has not managed to transition to movies; Garfield. Part of that is down to Chris Pratt. He’s trying too hard, he’s not sardonic, he’s happy. The whole film is actually far too happy. It reminds me of the casting call for Artemis Fowl which described him as a happy child who spreads joy. There’s weird sci-fi elements that don’t suit the franchise. It feels like nobody involved actually wanted to make a Garfield movie.

Scariest/Best Horror

Abigail

Abigail is a movie of inconsistency. The heist elements at the start seem incredibly dated and ineffective. The horror moments? Now they’re pretty cool. I like when horror movies have an elegance towards them, especially vampire ones. Abigail is full of elegance, to the point where it feels like the movie isn’t so much happening, as floating through your consciousness. The scene where the titular character dances with a corpse is particularly creepy and wonderful.

I Saw The TV Glow

I was hesitant to count this as a horror movie. It’s not traditionally “scary”, but it has to be said there is something incredibly unsettling about it. The visuals, the music, it all adds up to something that will stay with you long after the credits roll. There’s something oddly ethereal about the whole experience, it’s akin to being hypnotised to sadness; draining you of any joy you have.

Late Night With The Devil

Yes, you’ll be able to telegraph every single story beat and twist. But you will still be unsettled by how well that cliches are pulled off. Yes, the scares are basic, but it’s effective. The old-school filter makes it feel like we’re voyeuristically viewing something forbidden. This isn’t a “watch alone at night and be terrified” movie, it’s a “watch with others and share that scared experience”, a bit like the parade of slashers that were released in the 90s, but much better.

Immaculate/The First Omen

I’m linking these two because they’re very similar. It’s highly unlikely there’s anybody who only likes one of them. They’re similar not just in terms of themes and styles, but also the scares. I recommend them both, but The Omen first because the way it ties into the first one makes it slightly more interesting; it also has one of my favourite jump scares of all time. Immaculate leans more into body horror, but not so much so that it’s defined by it. It’s difficult to separate them, but thankfully I don’t need to.

Winner

Alien: Romulus

There are different types of horror movies, there are ones which fuck your head up for days and mentally scar you (hello The VVitch), some are technically horror movies but are more entertaining than scary (Scream etc), and some are just hateful and gross (Thanksgiving). Then there’s Romulus, which is a masterclass of tension. There are times when it amps up the action and it becomes an action movie, but those moments are few and far between. Mostly, it’s slow-burn tension which leaves you on the edge of your seat. The Alien franchise is full of iconography which does half the job for you; once you see that familiar shape you’re already set up to be scared. The payoff still needs to be effective though, and Romulus pulls it off. The Xenomorphs are absolutely terrifying in this, coming off as something you don’t so much defeat as survive and escape from. THIS is the Alien we’ve been taught to fear, and with good reason.

Worst Horror

Nominees

AfrAId

This feels like they had nothing past the original idea. The idea is good, and is very timely. But the script itself is lacking. The trouble is, the characters can only exist within a horror movie. There’s no justification for some of the behaviour and character decisions outside of “this is creepy”. It’s trying SO hard to be a horror movie, that it ends up failing at being one because you can see the machinations too clearly.

Imaginary

This had so much potential. They could have gone literally anywhere with it, instead, they went so generic that if it was a meal it would be plain porridge. There are some neat moments, but nowhere near enough to justify its existence. It doesn’t play up the whole “child imagination” to its fullest extent. Think of Among The Sleep, how that managed to take childhood perspectives and fears, then transcend them to be fearful to adults. There’s none of that here.

The Watchers/Watched

Again, this had a lot of potential. For the majority of the runtime I was sitting there thinking “this is fine, nothing special but not too bad”. As it got to the end (as defined by cinematic language) I put my coat on and got ready to leave.

It continued, for a LONG time. The entire final third act feels tacked on. I remember when I saw Avatar 2: More Avatar, and there was a specific moment where you could feel the air get sucked out of the room. This was close to that, and the only reason it’s not closer is because nobody cared about this damn movie in the first place.

Tarot

It feels like every year we get a horror movie based on curses. They all have the exact same aesthetic, the same characters, and the same plot points. They’re essentially indistinguishable from each other. They’re usually all shit (this, Wish Upon, Truth Or Dare, which I’m double annoyed about because Truth Or Scare was right there). This is no different. They all have the same problem; characters who are so dimensional that they’re essentially Flintstones characters, lazy writing, generic soundtracks. There is nothing to make this stand out from any other similar films. I think even if you had the director at gunpoint, they couldn’t finish the sentence “you need to watch Tarot because……”

The Crow

I went in with low expectations but holy fuck! It couldn’t even match those. I thought it might be, at the very least, watchable. Barely.

Trap

A movie that disregards its most interesting premise. It’s called “Trap”, it’s about someone who is Trapped, he leaves the building. It would have been much more interesting if he was actually trapped, and the whole movie took place in the building. It would be incredibly tense and dramatic. Instead, we get a film so generic that if it was a colour, it would be light beige.

Winner

Night Swim

This movie is fucking stupid, and isn’t even fun enough to make up for that. I know for some of these, I have written an entire paragraph. Night Swim doesn’t deserve that.

2024 Film Awards: Day One

On By troubledproductionsIn AwardsLeave a comment

Saddest

Nominees

I Saw The TV Glow

A lot of TV Glow is too weird to be counted here. But there’s a scene near the end which is as bleak as it gets. The main character is at work, older, with no achievements, and he has a full-on breakdown, screaming that he’s dying. It’s not the breakdown that is sad or the fact he’s wasted his life, it’s the utter callousness of the other characters, who all just ignore him.

Inside Out 2

I remember when I came out the screening of this, and a little kid said to their parent “That didn’t make sense, why would someone’s brain be against them?”.

Oh that sweet summer child.

Joker: Folie A Deux

The film itself is not good. But there’s a scene in the court where one of his former friends is testifying about Arthur killing someone in his presence in the first movie. He’s talking about how he’s never felt as much fear as he did at that moment, how it haunts him and completely ruined his life. The fear in his voice, and Arthurs reaction to it, when he finally realises the damage he caused, it’s just….it hints at a much better film than what we got.

Civil War

Specifically for the scene where they come across the piles of dead bodies. I mentioned in my review that there was a moment where I felt I had to leave, this was the moment. It’s…..it’s harrowing.

One Life

The first of two holocaust movies in these nominations. The guilt the character feels for not being able to do more oozes off every scene. It’s helped by some pretty darn good performances. This is more personal than the other holocaust movie, and definitely has more parallels to modern life (sadly). This was the first 2024 film I saw, I probably should have gone with something a bit happier. To quote my original review (and still one of my favourite paragraphs):

“It’s a good reminder that the people being helped aren’t soldiers, politicians, or anybody who had a choice in the war or where they live. They were just children who were at constant risk of being arrested and executed just for existing in their current location or as their current ethnicity/religion. It’s impossible to comprehend something similar in modern society.

Unless you’re Ukrainian

or Palestinian”

The Zone Of Interest

Look at what the film about, that should indicate why this film was nominated. I was not a massive fan of this film, but when it worked, it REALLY worked, with one of the characters’ emotional breakdowns mirroring yours (only you’re hopefully not a nazi). But the real sadness comes from how unaffected people are. It’s harrowing how normalised genocide is to some of them, with one of them admitting he couldn’t pay attention to a speech because all he could think about was how he could gas everybody in the room. It’s callous, cruel, and far too true.

Winner

The Iron Claw

Obviously, this was going to be here. I knew the story, and I’m still unsure if that made it better or worse. I want to watch this with someone who knows nothing, to see what’s worse. Because I knew what was going to happen, I saw the set-ups and the train of sadness approach with full knowledge of what would happen. But the surprises may catch you off guard if you don’t know. You may sit there thinking “Ohhhh, one of the brothers died, this is so sad” and think that’s it, that’s the end of the sadness. Spoilers; THAT IS NOT THE END OF THE SADNESS! It just keeps going and going. Yes, it may feel a bit weird to put a film about a singular family as sadder than a holocaust movie, but I argue that’s due to the emotional connections made with the characters. Yes, the numbers are smaller (much smaller), but it hits harder. That’s not sociopathic, it’s natural. It’s why people view the funerals of a relative as sadder than earthquakes in another country. Sadness is all about emotion, and few films are better at realising that than this.

Weirdest

Nominees

Argylle

Not all weird is good. Sometimes weird is a skiing action scene taking place on a floor coated in oil, just after a smoke-filled dance scene set to a song even Waitrose customers would describe as “a bit soppy”. It’s creative, I’ll give it that. It’s not like anything else you’ll see. But it’s also kind of embarrassing to watch. With some baffling creative decisions in terms of visuals.

Boy Kills World

This leans into its oddness, with some truly jaw-dropping fight scenes alongside some “lol, the main character is deaf” scenes. Imagine if John Wick was a comedy, written by the creators of Airplane before they went all right-wing and “People holding a right-wing president to account are all terrorists!”.

Longlegs

Maybe “weird” isn’t the word I’m looking for here. “Utterly disturbing” would be more accurate. What makes the weirdness stand out is how normal the rest of the film is. A lot of it is played like a straight detective drama, so when Cage is on-screen, or when the murders themselves are looked into, it feels even weirder than it would if it was spooky spooky woo all the way through (like Malum was)

The Beast

This is weird in a non-English movie way. I’m not even sure if “weird” is the right word, I’d say more “hypnotic”. Each scene on its own is relatively normal, but when you see how they interact with each other and tie into the overall narrative, the oddness reveals itself like a flasher on a street corner. It’s a strange watch, where you constantly have to adjust your expectations of traditional narrative structure, remembering scenes that happened in a different time, and playing the current scene alongside that in your head. Essentially, it’s the narrative version of a Mobius strip.

Winner

Poor Things

From the second the trailer came you could tell this was going to be weird. I heard Kinds Of Kindness was weirder, but I wasn’t able to go to the screening of that for health reasons. Poor Things is unique in every aspect. From the script, the story, the performances, the music, and the visuals. There are moments it’s too weird, mainly with the audio being discordant which made it difficult to focus. Emma Stone is on top of her game, you can truly believe she’s not in full control of her faculties. The visuals are also unlike anything else. Not just in the lens choices, but also wit the use of colour, particularly on the exterior shots which at times resemble paintings. You may not agree with every choice made, but it’s easy to tell that everything WAS a choice, nothing was accidental or left to chance. At the very least you have to respect that.

Sweetest

Venom: The Last Dance

Not the whole film, but there are moments which are incredibly touching. Two moments stick out. One is when Venom dances in a hotel room. That’s let down by how out of place it is, but in the moment it’s very sweet to see. The next is probably my favourite scene from the film; the family singing a David Bowie song. There’s a simple truth to the scene that rings through and makes you nostalgic for an experience you’ve never had. As I’ve said before; there are moments when the Venom series has shown just how much potential it has, but not many moments where it’s lived up to them.

Alien: Romulus

Almost entirely due to the relationship between two of the characters, Films like Alien have a problem; how do you make the characters smart enough to be in this situation but not quite smart enough to see the issues before they happen? You can’t have a film where scientists land on a planet then immediately remove their helmets and get infected. Okay, you can have that, but you shouldn’t. One way to excuse characters as making rash decisions is personal emotions. Zombie movies have nailed this down, with almost every single one having a scene where someone is infected and a loved one is hesitant to kill them, resulting in chaos. Romulus has similar moments, where the characters’ love for each other is the driving motivation for what would otherwise be questionable choices. Despite the fact one of them is an android, it’s a very human relationship

Babes

A movie like this lives and dies on the romantic relationship seeming believable. That’s difficult to do when we only meet one of the characters once and then he dies. The meet-cute is so damn believable that it actually made me jealous. Yes, one of the participants dies, but the moments they spend together? It’s fucking adorable.

Humanist Vampire Seeking Consenting Suicidal Person

Again, fucking adorable. This could be terrible and melodramatic. But the central relationship is damn cute that you can’t help but fall in love with it. HVSCSP is flawed, but without the moments (particularly the two of them just sitting there listening to music), it would be a failure. With them? It’s genuinely lovely.

Paddington In Peru

Do I even need to justify this? It’s a Paddington movie, OF COURSE, it’s going to be adorable.

Thelma

It’s difficult to not watch this and fall a little bit in love with how lovely June Squibb is. She plays her role perfectly, with a mix of defencelessness and aged smarts. I like how Thelma didn’t just do the “old lady does a rap” style of comedy. The jokes have actual heart to them, it’s why it works. What could be just a silly dumb comedy, is actually a heartwarming look at ageing, family, and the defenceless you can feel after being scammed. The relationship between her and her grandson are delightfully sweet.

Winner

Monster

I had no idea what Monster was going in, I assumed it wasn’t a biography of the drinks company or the Imagine Dragons song. For a large period of the runtime of the film, I still wasn’t sure. Monster isn’t a film, it’s a puzzle that gradually reveals itself to you. But when it does? Oh my science is it worth it. Once you realise the romantic relationship at the heart of the Rashomon-style narrative, your heart will melt. It may seem like it comes out of nowhere, but that’s only because your brain wasn’t trained to read the foreshadowing. The two characters interacting is damn adorable, especially with the conflicted feelings they obviously have, knowing how the world is against their pairing.

Most Me

This is both the easiest and hardest to explain. They’re essentially the films I think are closest to my personality. Sometimes that’s “These are the films I feel I would have made”, sometimes it’s “I have never identified with a character more”.

American Fiction

It shifts skilfully between incredibly unsubtle satire about race in 2020’s America (especially in regards to expectations and preconceptions placed upon black people), to discussions about family trauma, and then ridiculously silly dialogue about nothing. It makes you laugh, it makes you cry, it makes you feel things. I could never write this movie, but I would really want to.

The Iron Claw

It’s a wrestling movie, this was going to be here. I’m a huge professional wrestling fan, and the backstage stories are fucking insane sometimes. You need a certain personality type to be involved in the business, and those personality types tend to do crazy shit. There are a lot of stories from the history of it which would make good films, but I’m not sure any would be as heartbreaking as this.

Winner

Sometimes I Think About Dying

Yes, I rated this movie lower than the others on this list. So it’s not the best movie of the year, but it is the one I would show people if they wanted to know me. I really identified with the lead character and understood her feelings of preferred isolation. The dreary drudge of day-to-day domestication and how you escape into bleak fantasies to feel something is all too relatable. There’s also something to be said about how she craves human connection but denies it to herself, sabotaging her best chances of happiness and romantic relationships. Yet again, the character I related most to in a movie is a woman, that just keeps happening for some reason.