Snow White (2025) Review

Quick Review: A brutal look at life in a concentration camp. Nah, I’m just kidding, it’s Snow White, you know this story.

I’ve made my dislike of live-action remakes of animated movies well known. I see them as cynical cash grabs, completely bereft of any soul, passion, or reason. A lot of reviews for this movie were negative, and the online reaction was negative to the point of toxicity. That’s why I waited for it to come to Disney+ instead of watching it at the cinema. Also, fuck disney. This is a long way for me to say that you should prepare yourself for a highly negative review; full of cynicism and annoyance.

That’s what I did anyway, so imagine my shock when it turned out that I didn’t hate this. I wouldn’t say I liked it, and I definitely don’t need to see it again. But as far as movies of this ilk go? It’s certainly more charming than most. It helps that Snow White actually makes sense to be remade. It’s been a long, long time since the original, so unlike some of the other live-action adaptations (specifically the upcoming Moana), this WILL look different. Side note: it looks fantastic. Yes, it’s live-action, but the colours are astounding, so bright that at times it does feel like a cartoon. There are only two parts which let it down visually; Gal Gadot, and the dwarves.

Sorry, not dwarves, they’re not referred to as that. The dwarves (sorry, “magical beings”)are “played” by talented performers, but performers who don’t have dwarfism. This came after Peter Dinklage criticised the remake and said it was insulting. Disney responded to this by not hiring any actors with dwarfism, a decision which was derided by some actors (notably Dylan Postl) who felt the actions of Dinklage cost actors like him roles. It’s a difficult subject to talk about, especially since both sides have a point. The fact that the only roles that actors with dwarfism can get are as elves, etc, is demeaning, but it feels like not having those roles at all is worse. Either way; keeping the roles but having them played by typical actors? That feels incredibly offensive. If you cast actors who were size-appropriate, you’d actually be helping. Also, they wouldn’t have the weird uncanny-valley thing that plagues every single one of them.

The other visual problem, as I said earlier, is Gal Gadot. The costume designers etc did everything they could, the look they put together is spot on. But Gadot cannot pull it off. She doesn’t feel natural. Her physical performance feels clunky and makes it look like her face was CGI’d onto a random crew members body. At no point in her performance does she look like anything other than an actor playing a role, she never fully dissolves into it. Gadot looks like she’s playing as an evil Queen, Zegler looks like she is Snow White.

It’s weird how a lot of people (idiots) criticised Zegler’s casting when she is, without a doubt, the glue that holds the shoddy pottery of this movie together. Side note: I’ve almost definitely put spelt her name “Zeigler” at some point in the past, and for that, I apologise, mea culpa. She is quickly becoming one of my favourite performers, even though she’s never been in a film I’d consider great. She basically seems like a Disney princess already, more so than any female performer not named Amy Adams. She has charm, fantastic physical presence, and great facial expressions. Plus, she can bring the emotion and anger when she needs to.

I realise I may be overselling this movie a bit. It is, at best, a 5 or 6 out of 10. Some of the dialogue is clunky as hell, quite a few of the songs don’t work as well as they should, there’s no build up, people suddenly start singing in a jarring manner. The witch who gives Snow White the apple feels more like a cameo than an actual character, and most of the “magical creatures” aren’t given enough personality to be memorable.

The main romance works though, so it’s got that going for it.

Paddington In Peru (2024) Review

Quick Synopsis: A bear goes to a certain South American country to go meet with his adoptive mother. I can’t remember which country though, or the name of the bear.

Paddington In Peru (Or PIP, which is pronounced the only way you can pronounce it, but in a lilting tone) was a special occasion for me. I didn’t catch the first two at the cinema because I assumed they were standard kids’ films. I, of course, now know better and can appreciate their genius. So PIP was the first one I caught at the cinema, and I’m very glad I did. There was concern that the team would be different. Paul King wasn’t directing due to his Wonka commitments, Sally Hawkins would not be returning (but her character would), and neither would Peter Capaldi or Michael Gambon, the latter due to being a bit busy with that whole “no longer being alive” trend that’s so popular among the favourite celebrities of my youth.

I’ll assuage those fears now; PIP is very good. It’s not quite as good as the first two movies, but very few films are. If you weren’t aware there was a change behind the scenes, it wouldn’t be noticeable. The film is still charming, still very funny with few joke opportunities missed, and still weird. The Paddington movies exist in their own universe. They have a definite FEEL to them. They feel like musicals where everybody is too busy to sing. There’s a sense of playfulness and visual music which a new director would need to stick to. Dougal Wilson continues the tradition set down by Paul King. The universe of PIP is the same one established in the first two. Essentially, it’s a universe that you’d find in a cliche terrible 1970s sitcom, where every “I’m glad nobody saw that” is followed by a bus driving by. That doesn’t happen in real life, mainly because our bus services are practically useless. So you have to go in expecting silliness. But it would also seem very out of place if characters started levitating and time-travelling to solve their problems. It’s a tricky balancing act between realism and silliness, which these films manage perfectly.

The replacement of Mary Brown is much more noticeable. Sally Hawkins is deeply missed in these films. Well, she would be if Emily Mortimer wasn’t so damn good. Both performers play the character similarly, but each brings something unique to the part. Eventually, you do get used to the differences, but it does take a few minutes to adjust.

I do wish more of the neighbours returned, although I’m not sure how that would have happened. Some of them are there in the opening, but it feels more like an obligation to fans than genuine. As it is, I can’t really see a way they could be in it without it seeming jarring, but still. That might be because there are not quite as many notable replacements. There’s Olivia Colman, who people keep forgetting is REALLY good at comedy. Antonio Banderas is a lot of fun, but I do kind of wish he was Pedro Pascal. Banderas does handle the emotional moments PERFECTLY though, so props to him for that. Rachel Zegler was originally cast in PIP, and I have been impressed in the few films I’ve seen her in so far (Shazam! Fury Of The Gods as reviewed here, and the Hunger Games prequel as reviewed here), so I have no doubt that she would have fit perfectly into the Paddington universe. She was replaced (due to Zegler’s participation in the 2023 SAG-AFRTA strike, on the side of the strikers, because Zegler is awesome) by Carla Tous. Carla Tous doesn’t have a Wikipedia page, and I haven’t even heard of anything she’s been in, let alone watched it. That doesn’t matter, as I LOVE her performance in this. I think she’s better than Zegler would have been, mainly because Zegler would feel too confident. Tous’s performance is full of worry and sadness, and that’s forever etched on her face and in her vocal performance. It’s strange that in a film starring Olivia Colman (one of THE best performers in the world), I was most impressed with a performer who is a complete stranger to me. I really hope to see her in more stuff in the future, very impressive.

In summary, I loved this movie. Is it the best movie of the year? Nope. But it is probably the one I want to go back to most. It’s just so damn charming. I’m a cynical and miserable person most of the time, and I like it when films manage to break through that.

The Hunger Games: The Ballad Of Songbirds And Snakes (2023) Review

Quick synopsis: How did Coriolanus Snow rise to the position we see him in in the original franchise? Let’s find out.

I like the original Hunger Games movies, but I can’t really remember that much about them. So I’m glad this was a prequel and not a sequel, otherwise, I’d spend half of it wondering “Who’s that guy?”, like a gender-flipped 1987 Madonna film. Fun fact; the director of that movie later went on to direct two films in the Fifty Shades series. Okay, it’s not that interesting, but I thought if I didn’t mention the Fifty Shades series in this one, nobody will speak about them.

I will admit I wasn’t really a fan of the series during the original theatrical run. I wasn’t actively against it, I just never got into it. The first one I saw at the cinema was the second part of Mockingjay (it was split into two parts, I didn’t just wander in halfway through) and my main memory. One thing I did notice from going to a cinema screening is that despite this franchise not having a cinematic entry since 2015, it still has an audience. A young audience too, there were a lot of teenage girls in the screening, they couldn’t have been more than 10 when the last film was released, which indicates that the films are gaining a new audience as time goes on, which can only be a good sign (unless Suzanne Collins turns out to be a massive bigot, but what are the odds that would happen to two franchises?). Of course, none of that would matter if this film was a piece of shit. Thankfully, this matches the previous entries. It’s helped that (with the exception of the first one), all the films have been directed by Francis Lawrence, which means that visually and thematically they remain consistent. This is probably the most grounded movie in the franchise, where Panem isn’t quite the technological power that it grows to be. It’s the early days, and the colours represent that; instead of the blues and neon, it’s all brown and murky. You really get the oppressive poverty people are under.

The other positive for Songbird is that it doesn’t seem to miss the franchise characters as much as you’d expect it to. Katniss/Jennifer Lawrence was a big part of why the original franchise worked, so there was concern that the studio would get nervous and insist on forcing the character into it, even if just as a framing device of her telling the story. That doesn’t happen, and Zegler/Lucy Gray is given a chance to shine. The character of Lucy Gray (or Lucy Grey in England) is determined, likeable, and different enough from Katniss that she doesn’t just feel like a literary replacement. Rachel Zegler gives one hell of a performance and makes you think that she actually is going to be a great Snow White, everything about her screams “Disney princess”. The best bit of casting is Jason Schwartzman as Lucretius Flickerman, not because his performance is particularly outstanding, but because of how much he resembles Stanley Tucci from the original series. To the point where (because I couldn’t remember the name of Tucci’s character) I thought they were the same person, just younger.

Now onto the negative; the story is kind of weak. I think we’re supposed to be shocked that humanity can be so blasé about the suffering of people like we’re supposed to think “holy shit that’s terrible, how bad must a society be to let that happen? This is an indication of a dystopia”, but it’s a little difficult to be shocked when we live in a world where homeless people sleep under newspapers that brag about the good economy because of how well millionaires are doing, and the only part of that which looks like changing in the future is the existence of printed media.

It’s not helped by how the characters can sometimes seem like idiots. There’s a moment where Coriolanus records another character (Sejanus) talking about overthrowing the government, he then sends the recording off and then is surprised when the government arrives and executes Sejanus for treason. It feels like such a lazy way of getting rid of that character, and it derails the heel turn of Coriolanus. He should have admitted it and be proud of it, it should be an indication that not only is he now a dick, but he is proud of it.

Actually, the whole final third is a complete mess, both too short and too long. It feels completely disconnected from what came before, kind of like a quick epilogue, but one that takes about 30 minutes so isn’t really quick. But this is where Snow melts and becomes a dick, he doesn’t show that before this section. So his entire turn takes place in that 30 minutes, which feels too short. It feels like it could have been its own entry. Doing that would have allowed some of the other tributes from the games to be more fleshed out, as opposed to just the walking soon-to-be-dead. The games themselves are absolutely brutal, the lack of technology means that the deaths have an intimate feel to them, and a lot of them are quite disturbing (with points going to the girl with Down syndrome, and the starving girl who unknowingly drinks poison). The best death is one that belongs to Coral, where in her dying breath she expresses regret that she killed all those people for nothing. That one line is sooooo damn good. I haven’t seen a dying line change character motivations that much since The Suicide Squad when Starro said “I was happy, floating, staring at the stars”. It’s helped that Coral is played by Mackenzie Lansing, who is just fucking great in this. It would be easy for that character to be a caricature, but Lansing gives them enough reality that it’s easy to see them as a real person.

So in summary; go watch it. But only if you have a passing knowledge of the rest of the franchise. It is a weak point that this doesn’t talk about the distracts, or the rules of the games etc because it knows you remember them from the previous films, so if you are a newbie, you might be lost, which is a shame. Just be prepared to be incredibly disappointed for the final third.

Shazam! Fury Of The Gods (2023) Review

Quick synopsis: After the events of the first film, Billy Batson lives with his super-powered siblings, then shit goes down due to Helen Mirren using a magic tree.

Before talking about Shazam! Fury Of The Gods (or FOTG, pronounced Phottog), I’m going to start talking about a subject I don’t often delve into; sports. You occasionally get times towards the end of the season when teams have nothing else to play for. From the fans to players and to the owners, everybody knows that what is about to happen is not important, so they don’t really pay much attention to it. It makes sense, it’s difficult to convince yourself to be invested in something when you know it doesn’t matter (that’s why nobody pays attention to any of my opinions). Fury Of The Gods has a similar problem, it’s hard to get invested in it when there’s a small part of you thinking “This is the last film with this character”. Nobody knows the future of the DC Universe, and Warner Bros are at the point where even “this film has been advertised and is in post-production” won’t stop them from cancelling a movie (RIP Batgirl, damn I wish I could see that movie). There’s no plan, everything seems to be decided on a whim, which causes a problem with audiences. The big problem is; Audiences don’t trust DC any more. There’s no excitement for the Flash movie, despite the fact it features the return of Keaton as Batman. This should be a big deal, but people are so jaded with DC at the moment that it doesn’t matter (doesn’t help that Ezra Miller is a prick). So how is that relevant to this? Well, it’s the only reason I can think of for the lacklustre box office. If you enjoyed the first one, you’d enjoy this. It’s tonally very similar to the first one; with a mix of genuine emotion and innocent humour of a kind you can only get away with if you have a character like this. Weirdly, and I am aware this may be sacrilege, the worst casting decision in this is Helen Mirren. She is a fantastic actress, and she does it well, but she’s just quite right for the character, especially compared to the other two. Lucy Liu, everybody knows what she’s capable of, and while it’s a shame she’s not given more to do physically, she has just enough to do for it to work. The best new cast addition is Rachel Zegler. Zegler is in a weird position because she has only had one film credit before this, so a small part of you considers her inexperienced and new. But that one role? Maria in West Side Story. So you go in with high expectations of her, whilst still being unsure of what she can bring. She brings everything, her character’s true motives are a bit too obvious to anybody who has ever seen a movie before, but she performs it so damn well that you don’t care.

That predictability is one of the weakest parts of FOTG, it doesn’t feel like it’s bringing anything new to the table. There are moments where it does look like it can, the opening attack on the Acropolis wouldn’t look out of place in a horror movie and really sets up the villains as a force to be reckoned with. Sadly, the villains then fall victim to the standard action movie trope of being able to wipe out hundreds of named characters immediately, but have to get close and get a direct hit to even damage a named character. There’s another scene where a teacher is compelled to step off a high building to their death, which is terrifying, and not really used again. The other weak part if the ass-pull at the end, where a certain superhero cameos to fix a problem that comes up, then leaves. This person shows up with the smallest amount of foreshadowing possible, with no indication of how she got there or how she knows to fix the problem, or even if she knew what the problem was.

On the plus side, there are things FOTG does a lot better than its predecessor. The relationship between Billy and his family is more developed in this. The family members themselves are also given a lot more to do. Darla, especially, now has enough about her that a spin-off is not completely out of the question. I mean, it’s not likely, but it would be fun to see. That’s kind of this film in a nutshell; not essential, but a lot of fun. I hope this isn’t the final outing for Levi as this character as he is damn near perfect in the role, I doubt they’ll find anybody better.