2019 In Film Day 2: The Meh

These are films I really didn’t like, but at least had the decency to contain one thing to admire about them.

Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil And Vile

This is a good movie. It just wasn’t for me. I was kind of bored by the whole thing. That might have been me and my expectations. But it felt like it was hiding a much more interesting story than the one it actually told. It was basically Ted Bundy not killing people.

Original review here

+Efron is great.

-Not really necessary

Glass

I’m more excited about what comes next, but I’m not even sure if anything will come next. I felt the same about Unbreakable, I felt somewhat underwhelmed, but I was interested in what comes next. I didn’t dislike it enough to hate it, I found it hard to feel anything about.

Original review here

+Interesting idea

-A lot of the film is “do these people actually have superpowers?” when we know they do. So it’s a complete waste of time.

Godzilla: King Of The Monsters

This is here purely for the scale. It’s massive, and it all looks real. Just a shame the rest of the film is so damn mediocre.

Original review here

+The look. It looks so damn superb. So many of the scenes look like oil paintings.

-How exactly is King Kong supposed to match him?

Ma

This film is a very slow build to the final moment. It’s an old-school horror approach that is risky to attempt to pull off in the modern age. It wasn’t helped by how the advertising all focused on the final third, so you thought that’s what the film was like. The main issue is that you know what it’s all building up to, but it keeps pulling back from reaching that point. This film could have naturally been about 20 to 30 minutes shorter.

Original review here

+The closing stretch is immensely satisfying.

-Drags too much in places.

Once Upon A Time In Hollywood

This is entirely personal taste. I was not a fan of this. I found it incredibly boring and I didn’t like the characters enough to spend time with them when the story was dragging. It looked great, and it felt completely authentic. A lot of people I know love this, and I do get it, it just wasn’t for me, at all.

Original review here

+The closing section is insanely brilliant.

-Did you know Tarantino likes feet? You will after this.

Sometimes Always Never

This just makes it into this blog and not the previous. Like so close. The only thing saving this? The general warmth of the whole thing. The way the characters interact with each other is incredibly sweet and warm. It’s lovely, so heartwarming that it brings the film up higher than the rest of it. The cast too. Its just a shame it’s a bit too twee at times, the cinematic equivalent of a government department making an anti-immigration campaign using a fucking ukulele.

Original review here

+Very twee

-Sometimes too much so

Yesterday

I think this film would be rated higher if it wasn’t for Blinded By The Light. By comparison, this film is incredibly hollow. Blinded By The Light (or BBTL as all the cool kids call it) was a genuine love letter to an artist, full of compassion and warmth and deep love, this was the work of someone who owns the greatest hits album of a band and nothing else. The kind of dick who only goes to gigs if they’re at stadiums, and considers Cher “rock and roll”. BBTL only really works as a Springsteen film, with Springsteen and the film working in equal harmony. With this the film came first, and The Beatles came second. Also, for a film about The Beatles, this spent a lot of time talking about how great Ed Sheeran was. It seemed to have no genuine love for the band it’s based on.

Original review here

+Cute concept and the main relationship works

-It makes a joke about Oasis not existing, but also says the guy won a talent show singing Wonderwall. No consistency

Once Upon A Time In Hollywood (2019)

Now I freely admit that these reviews are purely subjective, based entirely on my opinion and tastes. As such there are times where my reviews don’t line up with popular opinion. To the point where “Well I Liked It” is an award I give at the end of every year to films which I like but everyone else seems to hate. Previous films I’ve nominated for that have included Gringo, Murder On The Orient Express, Table 19, and The BFG. Conversely, there are times where it goes in the opposite direction, where a film is loved by everybody except me. The best examples of these tend to be horror films; The Shallows, The Gallows, The Marshmallows (I may have made that last one up). Films which I just didn’t get. I mention all of this to provide context for this review. I really disliked this film, for multiple reasons.

Don’t get me wrong, from a technical standpoint it was great, the performances were sublime and it nailed the look and feel of the time. It truly feels like it belongs in the time it’s set in. There aren’t many anachronistic nods and winks, you know, where someone makes a comment that we know has comedic implications, like “Westerns will always be the most popular movie genre”, or “Rosemary’s Baby? That will never work as a film”. As such you’re not really pulled out of the film that often by the dialogue. The film itself, however, is incredibly tedious. Almost 3 hours long with 20 minutes of story. I spent so much of the film bored. 90% of the film was not needed. Actually, entire sub-plots and characters aren’t needed.

That doesn’t compare to two things which push it into dislike territory for me. One was the deification of Roman Polanski. I get he was important in the reality, but this film isn’t about reality, and if he wasn’t mentioned you wouldn’t notice his missing. I know back then people did deify him, but to a modern audience, it’s weird to hear it. It would be like watching a film about a pop-punk band in early 2000’s and they constantly mention how much they love lostprophets.

More jarring than that is something very specific to Tarantino; feet. In case you hadn’t heard, he kind of has a foot fetish. A fact he makes ABUNDANTLY clear during this film. There are multiple scenes where female characters put their bare feet up to the camera. Here’s an example:

7838de257b1be3b0-600x338

How is that anything but jarring? It adds nothing to the film, it just takes you out of it completely. It’s incredibly distracting and kind of weird. The only thing it adds is more material to the director’s wank bank.

Normally with films like this, I’d say it should have been cut down, with this I think it should have been made longer and made into a TV series instead. It would have allowed it to compartmentalise some of the separate plots into their own distinct sections, with the overarching themes running in the background. It also would have allowed some of the performances to have more meaning. As I said, the performances are REALLY good. Dakota Fanning is suitably creepy, DiCaprio and Pitt are on top of their game. Two performances deserve a special mention though; Mikey Madison and Julia Butters. Two people I’m not that familiar with, but I’ll be keeping an eye on as they are mindblowing in this. Julia Butters, in particular, gives the film most of its emotional weight when she’s on-screen.

It may seem like I hated this film; I didn’t. The closing scenes were too good for me to hate it. They were scenes of chaos with some amazing performances. It’s not good enough to make me like it though. Many people love this film, and I get why they would. It’s just not for me, at all. And that’s okay, I don’t have to like everything, and I sincerely doubt Tarantino will give a shit that one person didn’t like it.