Tag: movie-review

2024 Film Awards: Day Five (The Moments)

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Best Opening

Nominees

American Fiction – Monk talks to a white student

Sums up this film; funny, smart, and sets a fire of fury that it is determined to stoke. Once you witness this scene, you know EXACTLY what film you will watch.

Gladiator 2 – Painted

The usual “quick summary” montage, but done so it looks like it’s been painted. Visually striking, and very beautiful.

Malum – Creepy Creepiness

Police notice saying this is footage from the event. REALLY helps you buy in. Then creepy handheld footage. Well, some of it is creepy (weird chairs etc), and some is so mundane that it becomes creepy. Yes, it feels cheap, but its effective. Then, it transitions into modern times, where you assume the person we meet is our hero. Nope.

Monster – What Is With Minato?

Minato is displaying odd behaviour that is consistent with abuse. When you watch it, it’s good, when you remember it later and understand the full context, it’s great.

Sometimes I Think About Dying – Opening Credits

Look, I just appreciate that they used a different font for the opening credits. Most films don’t, and it shows that the people who made this actually gave a shit about setting tone in every way possible.

Twisters – The Danger Of Wind

Twisters introduces a group of lovable, dynamic characters. Then kills most of them off. I liked it. It was unexpected, plus it showed how dangerous tornados can be, so it set them up as a threat. It’s like when slasher movies start with the killer stabbing someone; establish them as a threat early on so the fear of them lingers over the narrative.

Winner

The Substance – Fading Star

A Walk Of Fame star being constructed and then neglected. The “look at how the world ignores this star until it cracks under pressure” double meaning isn’t exactly subtle. But it looks gorgeous.

Worst Opening

Nominees

Late Night With The Devil – The Explanation

A documentary is investigating the events. Well not really investigating, just playing the show in full. Could have got away with cutting away from it for some sort of modern analysis etc, make it feel more like a documentary. As it is, the opening is just set up, and it all sets up stuff we would be told later anyway.

My Spy: The Eternal City – Dream Sequence

Never open an action movie with a dream sequence. It sets expectations of what the character can do that then can’t be matched. You need to establish what the character is capable of, his strengths, his weaknesses etc. You can’t do that in a dream sequence. A complete waste of time and characterisation.

Winner

Garfield – Animated Movie Opening #12

Garfield starts with happy music. Thus establishing that the studio REALLY don’t understand the character at all. It would be like starting the next Bond movie at a B&B in Clacton. They did this purely because other animated films start the same way, it’s inappropriate for the character, and shows they didn’t really care about making a good movie.

Best Ending

Nominees

Deadpool And Wolverine – Time Of Your Life

A cute montage of the previous Marvel-but-not-MCU movies. With the exception of the X-Men movies, those have been kind of forgotten so it’s nice to see them get some love. It also feels like a love letter to those that paved the way.

I Saw The TV Glow – Owen Breaks Down

The creepiest part of this was that nobody reacted. They all took a mental breakdown as something normal that you shouldn’t concern yourself with. I had some issues with the performance of Smith at some points during Glow, but in this part? He nailed that. The helplessness, the sadness, the sheer terror. Perfection.

Winner

The Iron Claw – Kevin Cries

That’s it. His sons tell him it’s okay to cry. A simple message, but one that is sadly needed. Usually, catharsis in film comes from violence or revenge. It’s kind of sweet to see one come from emotional release.

Worst Ending

Nominees

The First Omen – What Happened To Baby Dame?

The antichrist has been delivered to new parents, and has been named Damian. I mean, we KNEW this would happen. Out of everything that happened in this movie, that was the only thing we did know. It’s been established in the first movie. So what was the point of this? It would be like doing a film about Henry VIII and ending it with “and that man grew up to be king” with dramatic music.

Unfrosted – Where Are They Now?

Purely because of the music choice, which feels like a royalty free song. Considering the cast, this must have had a budget. They used a David Bowie song in the trailer, could they have not stretched to something iconic for the closing?

Winner

Joker: Folie A Deux – Faux-ker

So it turns out the main character of the two Joker movies wasn’t actually the Joker. I’m one of the few people who actually likes the Mandarin twist from Iron Man 3. But if that movie was called “The Mandarin” and he was the main character, I’d be less pleased. I’ve never seen a movie that holds its own audience in contempt as much as this does.

Best Moment

Babes – The Meetcute

Much like Frozen Empire (spoilers for later), Babes needs to make it clear how quickly these characters bond. Especially since the male character dies soon after. Meetcutes can be difficult to pull off, and I haven’t seen it done as masterfully as it was done here in a while.

Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire – Melody And Phoebe

The two characters bond over chess. So incredibly sweet. If this scene wasn’t good, then the plot would fall apart as you wouldn’t buy that Phoebe would be so reckless for someone she only just met. Sometimes you do meet people and instantly click though. The way this is written, and the way it’s performed, make you believe that this is one of those times.

Sometimes I Think About Dying – The Murder Party

The audience knows what Fran is like, but it’s the party where the rest of the characters begin to find out Frans personality. She really opens up to them, and it’s the first glimpse we get of what she’d be like as a friend; funny, warm-hearted, and with a dark sense of humour.

The Beast – Louis The Incel Dickbag

This is almost entirely due to performance. George Mackay gets everything right here. You get his anger, his frustration, but also his sadness. He’s not someone to hate, he’s someone to be pitied. You don’t feel sorry for him because of how hate-filled he is. But you don’t really fear him because of how pathetic he comes across.

The Iron Claw – The Afterlife

Considering this is a true story, it could have been considered a mistake to have a dream-like scene in it. It might have made it seem a bit silly. IF it wasn’t done as well as it was here. Many manly tears were shed at this moment. It’s absolutely beautiful, and the person it’s based on approves.

Transformers One – The Start Of Darkness

This is a very good scene on paper. But with the performance? It’s excellent. You truly understand why Megatron and Optimus Prime think the way they do. It’s not contrived or silly, it’s heartbreaking to realise these two characters are headed down dark paths, and they’ll be doing it alone.

Winner

Civil War – The Body Pit

THIS. This was the moment that nearly made me walk out of the cinema because of how bleak it was. I’ve seen similar scenes before (in the same year, in fact), but none of them have hit as hard as this one did. It’s so good that it made me un-nominate a similar scene in Lee, because it would have been weird to have two very similar scenes in one award section.

Worst Moment

Nominees

Venom: The Last Dance – Multi-Symbiote Fight

Not because it’s a bad scene, but because it hints at a much better movie. If the script focused more on setting this up, and had “there’s multiple symbiote attached to characters we’ve grown to care about”, it could have been incredible. As it is? It feels like wasted potential.

The Whip – Here’s Our Plan

The main character explains her plan to her friend. “So where were you thinking of sneaking into?”, then gestures to the houses of parliament. My issue with this was the staging. They were walking over a bridge heading AWAY from the place they were talking about. They would have already walked towards it, walked past it, and walked away from it to set that scene up. It’s more infuriating because the next scene takes place on a bench, they could have done the whole scene from that instead.

Kraven The Hunter – Worst line ever

“She died after that, and I never saw her again”. I don’t think I need to explain why that line is terrible.

The Watched/Watchers – The Entire Third Act

The way it’s written, and the way it’s shot and scored etc leads you to believe the film is about to end. Everything about the scene says it will, then it continues for another 20 or so minutes. 20 minutes which don’t really add anything. The very definition of “and another thing”. I know this was based on a book, but there was a better way of setting it up than they did here.

Trap – Well That’s Just Bad Blocking

I want to say “every moment Saleka is onscreen” but I’m going to get very specific. There’s a shot near the end where Josh’s character is sitting down and talking, and there’s a HUGE corner of the screen being blocked off by an overhanging cupboard. In terms of shot composition, it’s hard to find anything worse in a seasoned directors work. It makes it look like he’s just poking his head around

Winner

Twisters – Near vehicular manslaughter

It feels unfair to put this in the “worst moment” section, let alone have them win it, because there are worse moments. But none negatively affected its movie as much as this one did. One of the first times we see a character, his recklessness and selfishness almost killed the main character by running her off the road. I found it REALLY difficult to like him after that. I didn’t find him charming, I found him annoying because I knew what he was capable of, the kind of person who would throw knives at you “as a joke”, the kind of prick who’d mock your recently dead family members “for the bantz”. Delete that moment, and I’d have liked him. But that few seconds? Nope.

September 5 (2024) Review

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Quick Synopsis: A retelling of the events of the 1972 Munich Massacre, from the perspective of the real heroes: Television journalists.

I went into this semi-blind (and also battling a HORRIFIC fever but that’s beside the point). I knew rough details about the event, but not enough to recall. So I didn’t know how many died, how it ended etc. This is because I haven’t seen Munich before September 5, and I also haven’t seen any of the (checks how many days there are between January 1 and September 5) 247 films in the series that are set before this (I have seen Friday the 13th, but that doesn’t give a month so I’m not sure if it’s set before or after September 5).

I think that ignorance of reality (great band name btw) actually helped though. It meant that the film could pull off a rug-pull. If I did know a lot about the event, then there’s a moment to the end which would have seemed a bit weird, you’d sit there thinking “hang on, that’s not what happened”, before the truth is actually revealed. As should be obvious by now, I won’t be judging this on historical accuracy, as I don’t know enough about it to do so. I didn’t see any characters use an iPhone or talk about the series finale of Gavin and Stacy, so I’m taking it as historically accurate.

Accurate, it may be, but is it really necessary? For those lucky enough to not pay attention to the news, the Israel/Palestine conflict has turned incredibly heated over the last year or so. With that in mind, it’s kind of uncomfortable to watch something like this, which at times feels like propaganda in terms of how it treats the conflict. Fun fact, one of the characters in this movie (Peter Jennings) was actually pro-Palestine. That’s why he refused to refer to Black September as “terrorists” on air. In the movie? His reasons for doing so are “it’s too early so we don’t know”. So the only pro-Palestinian voice in the movie has been neutered, and I’m sure that’s for creative reasons.

Other than that? I’ve never been so bored whilst also being fascinated. The story is interesting, but visually it’s lacking. If you like watching people speak on phones, this is the movie for you. I know there’s only so much you can do with a grounded story, but it does kind of feel like a documentary where someone has just grabbed a camera and started filming. The performances are all fine, but none of them really stand out.

The performances aren’t helped by the writing, despite characters expressing misgivings, they only ever feel surface level. So when they realise “Hang on, the hostage-takers are watching our coverage, so they know what the local law enforcement are planning”, none of them feel haunted by it. When they get caught lying at the end, a point is made that “you still did the right thing”, even when they clearly didn’t.

When the characters aren’t just talking, when they’re actually DOING, September 5 is fascinating. It may just be my educational background, but I loved watching them prepare everything. Seeing them set up the cameras, prepare the insets etc is delightful competency porn. As a piece of historical viewing, September 5 is incredible. It does a fantastic job of showing just how the team pulled off what they did. Which is why I wish this was a documentary instead. Trying to shoehorn the true tale into a traditional 3-act structure hampers the story they’re trying to tell. It also stops them from providing historical context, since all the characters obviously know what led to it, they never bother telling the audience. On the one hand, this is incredibly realistic, but on the other, it does leave some holes. What is the status of the Israel/Palestine war at this time? Is there active fighting? Has there been a recent ceasefire? These are important questions which the characters already know, but the audience doesn’t. Considering it’s about the news industry, it would have been such an easy fix too; just provide a news montage of a brief history of the Olympics/the conflict.

In summary; fascinating story, not too interesting a film. Reminds me of that film about the Chilean miners a few years ago.

Heart Eyes (2025) Review

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Quick synopsis: Every Valentine’s Day, a serial killer attacks couples. This year is no different.

I watched this the same day as Love Hurts, another Valentine’s Day-based movie with a twist. Heart Eyes is better, I’ll lead with that. Not to say it’s perfect, I have very specific problems with it that I’ll go into later, but it is mostly a pretty fun watch. My big issue is one that I can easily see some people actually liking, it’s all down to personal preference, as all reviews are.

I don’t think the script of the original Scream (as in the movie, not the painting, the script for that is only worth 1000 thousand words) is as highly regarded as it should be. It’s not just a horror movie, it’s a well-crafted mystery. There are clues, red herrings, along with lots of foreshadowing. The reveal is stupendous, when you hear it, you feel as if you should go “Ohhhh, well that’s obvious now I know the answer”. You don’t get that with Heart Eyes. Part of that is because it doesn’t build up the background characters that much. Scream had a large pool of suspects to draw from, so as you watched it, your brain was juggling between them, trying to figure out which one could be the killer. Heart Eyes only provides you with one option, doing all it can to signpost that this person is the killer. So either there’s no mystery, or it’s wasted its time giving you only red herrings instead of actual clues, neither of which is particularly narratively satisfying. The reveal itself is…..well it won’t end up on the list of greatest killer reveals, put it that way.

That’s a shame because if the mystery aspect was handled better, Heart Eyes would be a top 5 horror movie of the year, easily (probably still will be, but it is at risk). It does what I like my horror movies to do; have non-horror moments that are still interesting to watch. The central romance between Ally and Jay is lovely to see. It helps that Olivia Holt and Mason Gooding have really good chemistry. Their meet-cute is legit adorable. Take out the murders and you could easily frame this as a straight romcom.

So how about the horror moments? They’re fucking great. Companion (the other love-themed horror movie of the month) was a better movie, but Heart Eyes had MUCH better kills. They’re brutal, but not gratuitous. It doesn’t shy away from showing you the outcomes, people get squashed in machines and there’s a lot of blood, people get holes in their heads, and stabbed in places. “Holes in the head” does sometimes mean weird body physics in film, we’ve all seen horror movies where the killer punches someone and somehow their fist makes a hole in their skull. Moments like that can really pull you out of the movie because they’re not scary, they turn horror movies into cartoons with characters made of paper. Thankfully, that’s not the case here. Yes, characters do get attacked and end up looking like a polo mint, but the way it happens often makes sense in terms of physics, you can easily see how what happened COULD break through someone’s skull. The attacks all have weight to them, when people get hit with an object, you can feel the pain it causes, and you know they’re not going to get up. This helps it feel scarier and more violent, the realism makes it easy to buy into the concept that this is real.

What also helps sell the illusion of reality is how people react. They panic but try to not overdo it. There’s no “everybody in the country locks themselves in their homes”, because (as COVID showed), people wouldn’t do that. But people still took precautions (just like COVID), because everybody realised this is a big deal and to not do at least something would be incredibly selfish (just like…..oh wait, not like COVID, people were selfish during that). Restaurants that take bookings on that day carry out checks for weapons because you would in that situation. What’s not realistic is that this is still America, and there’s no “just because there’s a serial killer around doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be able to bring my gun everywhere I go. Yes, even into a restaurant, table for one since my wife left me, but gun didn’t. Gun still loves me” pushback from Fox News.

For two-thirds of this movie, I thoroughly enjoyed it, but the reveal REALLY let it down. As did two characters who were just unrealistically stupid, even for a horror movie. It is still a really solid 7.5/10, but it could have been so much more.

Companion (2025) Review

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Quick Synopsis: A weekend getaway turns bloody and violent when a subservient android that’s built for human companionship goes haywire.

First Scream (the “new” one, not the original), now Companion. Why do female partners of Jack Quaid keep getting set on fire in horror movies? Amber Midthunder should be relieved that Novocaine will be an action movie instead of a horror (a movie I’m genuinely looking forward to by the way). On the subject of Quaid, why hasn’t anybody cast him as the son of Joshua Jackson in anything? He looks more like him than he does his own dad. Anyway, enough dilly-dallying, on with the actual review.

Companion is god damn delight. More of a thriller than it is a traditional horror movie. That doesn’t underplay the deaths by the way, when characters do die, it’s horrific. Some of the deaths are incredibly cathartic too, it’s good to see bad things happen to bad people. A lot of horror movie writers know this, but make the mistake of writing every character to be an insufferable dickbag (were there any tears for any of the characters in Unfriended outside of tears that it took so long?). In those cases, while you get catharsis, you’re also spending all your time with characters you don’t like, so it’s not an enjoyable experience. While most of the characters in Companion are unlikeable, it’s in a very human way and they’re still entertaining to watch. A lot of is due to the performances; there’s something inherently likeable about Jack Quaid even when he is being an incel douch, Harvey Guillen is too adorable for words, and Megan Suri? There’s something about her performance that is intoxicating to see, she has tremendous presence and feels like she’s destined for leading roles. It’s hard to explain why without giving away spoilers, but Lukas Cage pulls off a fascinating performance.

The story? It’s interesting. Yes, it can be argued that the trailer gives away too much, but Companion still has enough tricks up its sleeves to entertain you. You go in knowing what is happening, but the “why” is just as interesting to see play out. I like that Companion is unashamedly feminist AF, taking multiple shots at male entitlement and inadequacy. I’ve seen some defenders of the character in this, saying “he’s just lonely, why is that seen as a bad thing to want someone?” which would be a fair point, loneliness is a huge issue and one that does need a solution. But it’s very telling that when he’s asked to create his “perfect” partner, he tones down her intelligence significantly. He doesn’t want an equal partner, the robot is not to provide love or to share experiences with; it’s to fuck and to have it fawn over him.

There is a feeling that it is holding back at times. She increases her intelligence, but it doesn’t change that much of the plot (although it may be why she decides to switch language at one point in a scene which is, well it’s genius). There are other moments like that; where it comes up with a cool idea but then doesn’t do the most with it.

Those are very minor nitpicks though. Companion is among the best films I’ve seen in a while. It’s slick, stylish without being overly so, violent without being cruel, and it invites discussion and conversation. It’s smart without being pretentious, modern without risking being dated quickly, and digestible without being dumb. I want more horror movies like this. I also want to see Sophie Thatcher in more stuff, as she seems cool. On an equal level with Anya Taylor-Joy for expressive eyes perfect for horror movies. I caught a preview of this a few days before it came out, and I already know I’m going to buy it when it comes out on blu-ray.

Here (2024) Review

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Quick Synopsis: Multiple generations of couples and families inhabit the same home over the course of a century.

I knew one thing before sitting down to watch this: the CGI used to de-age Tom Hanks was not good. I have to be honest, that didn’t bother me that much. There are moments where you can see the CGI and you’re brought out of the narrative, but it doesn’t happen anywhere near as much as it could.

Here is a fascinating watch, all taking place at the exact same location over the course of hundreds of years in a non-linear fashion. The non-linear nature was a smart choice because it allows you to see how actions can influence people years later. It also allows for more interesting transitions because you can see the changes.

That leads me to the visual downside. Here doesn’t fade directly from one scene to the next, there’s also no attempt to make it look like it’s one scene. Instead, it brings up a small box on the screen which contains the same location at a different time or with different people, it’s only once you get used to that new scene that the movie moves on fully. It’s visually compelling, but there’s one major drawback. It makes it difficult to be invested in the current scene as you’re always seeing what’s next. It would be like if the “here’s what’s up next” part of television shows happened halfway through the episode instead of at the end. The constant look into the future stops you from focusing on the present, Here never exists in the moment, instead just constantly dangling the narrative carrot in front of you and waiting for you to catch up.

As much as it is cool to see it through the different time periods, there’s a definite focus on what happened after 1945; with the characters from then onwards being the ones we see the most of. To be honest, they’re the only ones needed. Yes, the look into the Lenni-Lenape couple and their courtship and burial rituals are interesting, and the William Franklin connection does come into play in the present-day scenes, but they’re not needed. They feel like narrative sorbets designed to cleanse our palate. The post-Young scenes also aren’t that interesting, seemingly just there to remind us that COVID existed, and police racism still does. If anybody watched this movie without those scenes, nobody would say “hey! This family drama set from 1945-2000 doesn’t focus on 2020 pandemics and race relations enough”. It feels like they were put in there just because Zemeckis feels this is an “important” movie, and “important” movies need to discuss themes.

I hate to sound like a Daily Mail reader, but this needed less politics. If it focused just on the family and their life in the house, it would be a much more interesting watch. I can accept the scenes of the house being built, because the house is a character, so seeing how it was “birthed” could also tie in thematically, but we didn’t need the inventor, the wannabe flier etc. If you cut out all the fluff, it would be much shorter. That’s not too big an improvement, as timing isn’t an issue. The “here’s what’s next” nature of the visuals means that even when you’re not interested, you’re still paying attention, so it flies by much quicker than it should.

In summary, it’s an interesting art experience, not a great movie. As much as I did enjoy the narrative, it feels like it’s trying too hard to move you. It’s so heavy-handed that if it slapped you it would knock you out. As Peter Sobczynski said in his review posted on rogerebert.com “there is a point when you find yourself thinking that the only thing that Zemeckis hasn’t thrown into the mix is a needle drop of ‘Our House’ and then he proceeds to do just that”. It’s not a terrible film, but it’s not one that wouldn’t have worked better as a 20 minute short instead. Also, a simply terrible title that makes it really awkward to talk about.

Nosferatu (2024) Review

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Quick Synopsis: Do you really need me to tell you the story for this? Just watch the original.

There was a lot of hype for this. I have been excited since I first heard of it back in 2016, even mentioning how I was looking forward to it in my review of The Witch (or The VVitch). Many journalists and critics raved about early screenings of it.

But then I heard from actual people; moviegoers who I like and respect. Their feedback wasn’t quite as positive. And I agree with them, I was not a fan of this movie. For whatever reason, I just didn’t care about what I was seeing. I haven’t seen the original from the 1920s, but I know it (mainly through the Kill Count video I recently watched). At no point while watching New-sferatu did I feel I was watching something original. It never felt like anything other than a remake. It’s so heavily indebted to its sources that it never feels like it has its own identity.

My other issue is the filming style. A lot of dialogue is delivered straight to the camera, from the receiving person’s POV. As such, there’s a disconnect between everybody, it kind of reminds me of television shows made during COVID where everybody had to socially distance themselves.

Eggers is a fantastic filmmaker, there’s no doubt about that. The visual style is arresting, with every frame mesmerising and haunting, particularly with the use of light and shadow. As a storyteller? I’m afraid that’s his weakness. None of the characters seem that interesting, Ellen Hunter, in particular feeling more of a storytelling device than an actual character. The title character also doesn’t seem that interesting. He’s played well, looks good, but the character itself doesn’t seem to have any presence; when he’s not onscreen, you don’t feel him looming over the narrative.

The performances are fine, Lily-Rose Depp has a haunted look which really suits the character and themes, Nicholas Hoult was made for these movies, and Dafoe continues to be fucking weird. Dafoe and Eggers work well together, their styles suit each other.

Like I said; all the technical parts? Brilliant. All the parts that require how to make a movie? Brilliant. All the parts that require imagination and heart? Lacking. Remakes should showcase and do what couldn’t be done in the original. All we have here is more of the same. It doesn’t remind me of classic Dracula stories, what it does remind me of? Gus Van Sant’s remake of Psycho.

2024 In Film: Day Nine (The Almost Amazing)

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Abigail
Ups: Good performances.
Some brutal kills.
Sweet.
Downs: Predictable.
Feels like it’s holding back a bit.
Best Performer: Alisha Weir
Best Moment: Abigail dancing with a corpse.
Worst Moment: The death of Dean. Mainly because it’s when the film is still refusing to show us who’s doing the killing.
Opening: Our group of heroes kidnap a child. Sets the scene well, and allows us to see who the characters are. Although there’s one character who’s character feels COMPLETELY different in the opening than she does in the rest.
Closing: Possible Dracula turns up, and is convinced not to kill Joey. Would be nice to see what happens to Joey next.
Best Line: The one about onions/garlic
Original review here

Deadpool And Wolverine
Ups: Hilarious.
A surprisingly sweet send-off to the non-MCU Marvel series.
Soooooo many references.
No TJ Miller
Downs: The multiverse is getting tiring.
Continuity lock-out is strong.
What happened to Domino?
Best Performer: Ryan Reynolds. He MAKES this character.
Best Moment: When he meets the others in the void.
Worst Moment: Not really “worst”, but the multi-Deadpool fight could have been better.
Opening: Deadpool gets rejected from the Avengers. It could have been made clearer that he travelled to a different universe (the MCU one) and then BACK to his own.
Closing: An adorable closing montage of previous non-MCU Marvel films.
Best Line: Welcome to the MCU, by the way. You’re joining at a bit of a low point
Original review here

Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire
Ups: Funny
Has some pretty decent scares
Heartwarming
The Melody/Phoebe interactions are INCREDIBLY sweet.
A natural progression for the series.
Downs: Issues with pacing.
The “death chill” and the “trying to control all the ghosts the Ghostbusters have captured” feel too separate to belong to the same villain, and it’s a criminal waste of them.
Best Performer: Mckenna Grace, obviously.
Best Moment: Phoebe meeting Melody. It’s incredibly sweet and lovely. Not sure if it’s just the chemistry the performers had, or possibly just me imagining, but there did seem to be slight homoerotic undertones between them.
Worst Moment: The containment unit is broken. It’s mainly because it’s a huge deal, but it doesn’t feel like it.
Opening: In 1904, firefighters find a group of people frozen to death. Pretty good opening actually, sets up the villain and is incredibly creepy.
Closing: Peck is coerced into publicly supporting the Ghostbusters’ activities. It’s fun, but it might have meant more if he was in the movie.
Best Line: It’s not a sex dungeon. Would a sex dungeon have these chains?
Original review here

Kingdom Of The Planet Of The Apes
Ups: Fantastic effects.
Good performances.
Incredibly human.
Downs: Seems too interested in setting up sequels.
The closing third feels too derivative of the ending of the previous movie.
Best Performer: Owen Teague.
Best Moment: The flooding of the vault. Visually stunning.
Worst Moment: The initial attack, difficult to figure out what was happening at times.
Opening: The aftermath of the death of Caesar, a pretty touching memorial/funeral scene. Then a huge jump forward in time. I would have preferred a montage of different ape civilizations through the time skip.
Closing: Humans establish contact with other humans worldwide. This means we NEED a sequel.
Best Line: Are you familiar with the concept of evolution? In their time, humans were capable of many great things. They could fly, like eagles fly. They could speak across oceans. But now, it is our time… and it is my kingdom. We will learn. Apes will learn. I will learn. And I… will conquer
Original review here

Lee
Ups: Harrowing
Important
Some brilliant performances.
Downs: Could explain some things a bit more.
If we saw some of the characters more before the war it would make you feel more when you saw them later on.
Best Performer: Kate Winslet
Best Moment: When they find the trains. It’s……it’s not easy to watch.
Worst Moment: The bathtub photo. Out of context seems a bit strange.
Opening: Pre-war Frenchness. Really shows how nonchalant people were about the prospect of war.
Closing: The original photos. They really nailed them in the recreation.
Best Line: [Handing a knife to a girl she has just saved from rape] Next time, cut it off.
Original review here

Monster
Ups: Touching.
Good performances.
Once it opens itself up to you, you’ll be entranced.
Downs: Could do more to assist the audience in terms of telling you when the time changes happen.
Best Performer: Sakura Ando.
Best Moment: The mother going to the school, it’s the first time we see her anger, and we completely understand her character.
Worst Moment: The first time the film resets, mainly because it could be signposted better. If it handled that better, this would be in the “amazing” section without a doubt.
Opening: Minato is displaying odd behaviour that is consistent with abuse. When you watch it, it’s good, when you remember it later and understand the full context, it’s great.
Closing: Two characters run off together. It’s incredibly sweet and exactly how this story should have ended. This is why we CAN have nice things sometimes.
Best Line: If only some people can have it, that’s not happiness. That’s just nonsense. Happiness is something anyone can have.
Original review here

Sometimes I Think About Dying
Ups: Charming.
A minimalist directing style suits the themes.
Good performances.
Perfect score.
Downs: Some of the audio could be better. The music doesn’t feel balanced properly.
Best Performer: Daisy Ridley. If your lead character doesn’t say something for 20 minutes and you’re not frustrated, she’s doing a good job.
Best Moment: The murder mystery party. It’s nice to see Fran come out of her shell a little bit, and its very sweet to see her genuinely smile in a group setting. She then gets super dark when she describes her death.
Worst Moment: The cafe “date”. Mainly because the music is a big part of it, but it’s buried so low down in the mix that you can’t make it out. Shame as it’s REALLY well written.
Opening: Blue-tinged shots of suburban life. A real sense of melancholy to them. Weirdly beautiful. Some really well-written (in terms of font) opening credits. More films should show their personality through them.
Closing: She makes an effort to integrate; bringing doughnuts into the office. She then explains her suicidal tendencies and is met with wordless affection. It’s very sweet, and kind.
Best Line: “Do you wish you could unknow me?” “I don’t know you”. Jesus that hit deep
Original review here

The Fall Guy
Ups: Fun.
Gosling looks like he’s enjoying himself.
A lot of practical effects.
Great action scenes.
Downs: Wastes some talented performers.
Too much Kiss.
Best Performer: Ryan Babygoose
Best Moment: The drugged-up bar fight. Incredibly creative.
Worst Moment: The post-credits scene. The death of a character is fun, but the cameos stick out like a sore thumb and were shot in a “look, it’s these people!” manner.
Opening: Colt is in a relationship then injures himself. I like that it opened with him and Blunt happy, showed their chemistry and romantic selves early on which meant you actually wanted to see them together.
Closing: The film gets made and is a blockbuster hit. Funny, and the Momoa cameo is perfect.
Best Line: I’m just a boy in a neon suit, standing in front of a girl, reminding her that Notting Hill is her favourite movie. And she watches Love Actually every year of Christmas
Original review here

The Holdovers
Ups: Charming.
Funny.
It makes you nostalgic for memories that aren’t yours.
Downs: Why wasn’t this released at Christmas?
It’s not the best-paced.
Best Performer: Giamatti, but Sessa is close.
Best Moment: The Christmas dinner is very sweet.
Worst Moment: The original gang suddenly being removed from the plot. Felt like the writers ran out of ideas for them.
Opening: Basic setup. It’s not that notable. It introduces us to the characters ably enough but doesn’t make you NEED to see more.
Closing: He doesn’t die. Throughout this film I had that horrible feeling that it was going to end with the teacher dying and the student being like “But I will always remember the lessons he left with me” in some bittersweet fuck of an ending. Nope, he just steals an expensive cognac and spits it out the window in defiance. Nice.
Best Line: Stop crying. If they hear you, they’ll crucify you. Which would be ironic since your Buddhist.
Original review here

The Wild Robot
Ups: Pretty.
So damn charming and magical.
Good voice performances.
Downs: Parts of the story moved too quickly.
Some of the dialogue is pretty bad.
Best Performer: Lupita Nyong’o
Best Moment: Pre-hibernation saving of everyone.
Worst Moment: Longneck trusting brightbill. Happens far too quickly.
Opening: Roz wakes up and tries to help the animals around her. A task made difficult by the fact they’re all scared of her.
Closing: Roz is back at the factory, but has retained her memories. Lovely, and keeps it open for a sequel, but it is also still a definitive ending.
Best Line: When you grow up without something you… end up spending a lot of time thinking about it
Original review here

2024 In Film: Day Seven (The Good)

On By troubledproductionsIn Year round upLeave a comment

Immaculate
Ups: Good chemistry between performances.
Great score.
Downs: Wastes potential.
Sweeney isn’t quite a strong enough performer for large sections.
Best Performer: Benedetta Porcaroli. Sweeney is great in the final section, but she’s too weak in the opening two-thirds to really be effective.
Best Moment: The entire final third.
Worst Moment: Sister Gwens’ death, happens off-screen and we should have seen it.
Opening: A nun tries to escape through a locked gate but instead gets her leg broken and is buried alive. Standard horror movie opening but it does let you into the fact that the nuns are evil, which is obvious anyway, but at least TRY to have a mystery.
Closing: She gives birth to the antichrist, bites through her own umbilical cord, and then kills the baby with a giant rock. Shocking, disturbing, and so well made.
Best Line: “If this is not the will of God, why does God not stop us?”. I used a similar line the time I got urinating in the font, just before I was struck by lightning.
Original review here

Jackpot
Ups: Satirical brilliance.
Some brilliant lines.
Pretty damn good soundtrack.
Downs: Issues with the plot are so big you can drive a bus through them.
Tonally inconsistent.
Best Performer: John Cena
Best Moment: The wax museum. So fun.
Worst Moment: The villain reveals, only because it’s so obvious that you’re surprised the characters didn’t see it coming.
Opening: A text narration explaining the premise. Bleak but comedic. Then Sean William Scott running down a street being chased by a mob
Closing: She survives, they become rich, and massive pricks. There are some outtakes too, which are pretty fun to see.
Best Line: “The California Grand Lottery © started during the Great Depression of 2026. The New Government was desperate for money and so was the public. It was simple. Kill the winner before sundown and legally take their jackpot. The only rule? No guns. No Bullets Some people call it dystopian. But those people are no fun. LOS ANGELES 2030” Sets the tone perfectly.
Original review here

Poor Things
Ups: Breathtaking visuals.
Unique.
Good ensemble cast.
Downs: Some of the music is physically painful to hear.
Repeats itself a lot.
Might be too weird for some.
The idea that so many men are sexually attracted to someone with the brain and capabilities of a baby is………strange.
Best Performer: Emma Stone
Best Moment: Harry showing Bella cruelty. It’s heartbreaking.
Worst Moment: Duncan finds Bella’s hidden money, mainly because if he didn’t find it then the story would advance in the exact same way.
Opening: A suicide. It’s always a weird way to open a film, but it’s good. It lets you know the visuals straight away.
Closing: The weird family dynamic characters all live together, with the evil ex-husband now having the brain of a goat. I genuinely assumed they were just going to put the dying Dafoe brain in his body, kind of surprised they didn’t.
Best Line: “I’m going to punch that baby”
Original Review here

The Beast
Ups: Hypnotic.
If you stick with it, it makes sense.
Definitely a relief that a film called “The Beast”, based on a piece of work from 1903, and released in 2024, isn’t subtly racist.
Downs: The directing style will be divisive.
The narrative could be clearer at parts.
The central concept doesn’t kick in for 20 minutes
It does the “imagine spot” trick too often.
Best Performer: George MacKay. He is such a good actor. His incel speech is brilliant
Best Moment: The introduction to the 2014 world where Louis is an incel dickbag.
Worst Moment: The earthquake is pretty weak
Opening: Gabrielle is acting in a room comprised entirely of green screen, being ordered around by a director.It then kind of dissolves into he title. Weird, doesn’t really intrigue you and force you to continue watching, but doesmake you wonder “how weird is this going to be?” Especially since it then goes into what looks like an 18th century party of nobility.
Closing: The classic “invasion of the body snatchers” ending. But then it does something very cool, instead of end credits, it has a QR code. The downside is that in a few years they will likely forget to keep up the domain rights, that WILL lead to either porn or a virus.
Best Line: “Tell me why, at parties, we seek the people with whom we live and whom we see every day?”
Original review here

The First Omen
Ups: Some great scares.
Good performances.
Unsettling body horror.
Decent twists.
Downs: Too reverential of the original.
Best Performer: Nell Tiger Free
Best Moment: The childbirth scene about halfway through. Very unsettling.
Worst Moment: The ending, drags.
Opening: Two Fathers (of the religious variety) discuss an evil occult plot. One of whom then dies brutally and with a pie-sized chunk missing from his skull. The death is horrific and scary, but it’s also only done like that as a reference to the original.
Closing: The demon child has been delivered to the correct person. Which we knew. He’s been called Damien. This just confirms it is the same child as the original, which we would have guessed.
Best Line: “What’s not real?” the line itself isn’t great, but its use is my favourite jump-scare of modern times.
Original review here

The Substance
Ups: Creepy.
Some great body horror
Amazing performances.
As subtle as a brick, a brick to the face, a brick to the face with the words “older women have value too and we need to stop placing so much of a woman worth on how men perceive her beauty” written on it, which would be a pretty fucking big brick.
Downs: REALLY loses focus and steam in the final third.
The world feels too protagonist-centered. There’s no indication that the world of this film exists outside of these characters. Every person in this universe exists solely to serve the narrative, there’s no attempt to make it feel lived in. If it sorted this out, it would be at least 2 blogs up, but it REALLY hurts it and kind of dampens the message.
“Look how disgusting the way we treat women is” followed by lots of close-ups of tits and buttcheeks. I get that that’s the point, but still.
Best Performer: Demi Moore
Best Moment: The first transformation.
Worst Moment: It repeats a dream sequence. Not really necessary.
Opening: A walk of fame star being constructed then neglected. The “look at how the world ignores this star until it cracks under pressure” double meaning isn’t exactly subtle. But it looks gorgeous.
Closing: Elisabeth’s face crawls out onto her own star then dissolves into nothingness before wiped away by a floor scrubber. Like I said, not subtle.
Best Line: Have you ever dreamt of a better version of yourself? Younger, more beautiful, more perfect. One single injection unlocks your DNA, starting a new cellular division, that will release another version of yourself. This is the Substance. You are the matrix. Everything comes from you. Everything is you. This is simply a better version of yourself. You just have to share. One week for one and one week for the other. A perfect balance of seven days each. The one and only thing not to forget: You. Are. One. You can’t escape from yourself
Original review here

Thelma
Ups: Very sweet.
Funny.
Pretty darn good chemistry between the two leads.
Teaches you basic cyber security.
I found it very funny how when she called her old friends she went through a list of various deaths and then “moved to Cleveland?”
Downs: The use of focus on the surroundings may be distracting to some.
Richard Roundtree has since passed and this was his final film.
Doesn’t quite run with the concept as much as it could.
Best Performer: June Squibb. Obviously.
Best Moment: The villain reveal.
Worst Moment: The phone call with the ex doesn’t seem as important as it could
Opening: Thelma being shown how to operate her e-mails by her grandson. Then the two sit around. Very sweet interactions between the two. Did kind of make me miss my nan though so boo for that.
Closing: She succeeds. That’s the real ending, but then it continues. But I don’t mind. Because whilst the story is over, the themes continue, and the post-story interactions are so sweet and wonderful that it’s heartwarming. She then twats a cockroach with a newspaper.
Best Line: “If I fall over I’m toast, that’s why I don’t fall”
Original review here

Woman Of The Hour
Ups: Creepy.
Never pretends to be anything that it isn’t.
Kendrick is a pretty damn good director.
Made with passion.
Downs: Somewhat weak narrative
Muddled story.
Doesn’t make the most of the premise.
Best Performer: Anna Kendrick
Best Moment: When she asks her own questions.
Worst Moment: Valentine’s day car ride with one of his victims. Just feels a bit superfluous and kills momentum.
Opening: A guy takes photos of a woman in an isolated exterior. You can tell he’s creepy because he has long hair. Some beautiful establishing shots though. Yup, he kills her, and it’s REALLY well shot.
Closing: The truth is fucking infuriating. He was released on bail where he then killed more people.
Best Line: “Did you feel seen?” “I felt looked at”
Original review here

2024 In Film: Day Six (The Thoroughly Okay)

On By troubledproductionsIn Year round upLeave a comment

A Quiet Place: Day One
Ups: When its silent, it’s brilliant.
Shows just how LOUD New York is.
Downs: Too much music. By which I mean “any”.
With the exception of the opening scene, the fact it’s a prequel barely matters.
Best Performer: Lupita Nyong’o. Obviously.
Best Moment: The scene in the jazz club is very sweet.
Worst Moment: Eric on the construction site. Only way it’s not a waste of time is if its referenced in another sequel, but in the film itself? Pointless.
Opening: Sam is in a cancer hospice. Very good way of showing her situation. Excellent example of “show, don’t tell” scripting. Before that, there’s a piece of text telling you that the standard noise of New York City is at the same level as someone screaming constantly.
Closing: Sam commits suicide by Simone. Excellent idea, average execution. The noise difference between her listening to it on headphones and her playing it out loud should be a lot different.
Best Line: This place is shit. This place smells like shit. Betsy’s voice sounds like shit. Cancer is shit. Oscar does that stupid walk when he wants to hide he shit his pants. And Milton has shit taste in music.
Original review here

Beverly Hills Cop: Axel F
Ups: So much more fun than the trailers made it seem.
Doesn’t piss on the legacy of the franchise.
New characters slot in effortlessly with old favourites.
Downs: Doesn’t feel like that much has happened since the last movie.
Relies on nostalgia a bit too much at times.
Some of the performers have aged in the last 30 years and it reminds me I’m old as hell now.
Best Performer: Eddie Murphy
Best Moment: The opening. Reassures you that this will be just as fun as the original.
Worst Moment: The ending feels like the script completely ran out of steam.
Opening: Relatively sombre DJ talking on car radio. Then The Heat Is On plays and we see Eddie Murphy. It felt like it was there to surprise people “hey, you thought this would be a super serious movie but instead its an Eddie Murphy one”. As if people didn’t know that. There’s then a scene in a hockey arena featuring him doing his usual “what, you [make assumption] just because I’m black?” shtick, but this time it’s clearly just to fuck with someone he’s friends with.
Closing: Axel comes out of the hospital and reunites with Taggert and Rosewood. Kind of meh.
Best Line: I’ve been a cop for 30 years, I’ve been black a whole lot longer. Trust me, I know better.
Original review here

Fly Me To The Moon
Ups: Fun dialogue.
Easily digestable.
Charming
Downs: Will fuel idiots.
Forgettable.
There’s a mismatch between the directing and the script. The script is fast and silly, and the directing is slick and slow.
Much longer than it needs to be.
Not Tatum’s best performance.
Best Performer: Scarlett Johansson
Best Moment: The meet cute actually works.
Worst Moment: Kelly’s first actions on the base. Ignoring national security concerns, taking people away from engineering work to paint her wall and put a new window in. Makes her seem incredibly rude.
Opening: Newsposition. Not quite as good as Valerian but very effective at setting up the situation.
Closing: It worked. Obviously, the two characters kiss. Because of course they did.
Best Line: You know what they say about black cats, if they cross your path, they’re probably going someplace else.
Original review here

Longlegs
Ups: Tense.
Good performances.
Downs: Very brown.
I’m fed up with trans-coded villains
Best Performer: Maika Monroe.
Best Moment: The transition shot between the mask and Longlegs face. Simple, predictable, but damn finely executed.
Worst Moment: The victim in hospital. The performance is superb, but the dialogue feels fake.
Opening: Scene fades in from red, nice touch. The music is suitably creepy and sets the tone REALLY well. You can’t watch this and NOT know it’s a horror movie.
Closing: The villain dies, but their legacy possibly lives on as a doll couldn’t be shot (don’t know why they couldn’t just physically smash it with a hammer but still).
Best Line: I know you’re not afraid of a little dark. Because you *are* the dar
Original review here

Monkey Man
Ups: Some superb visuals from a first-time director.
Violent.
Some really good action scenes and fight choreography.
Depressingly relevant.
Downs: Doesn’t make the most of its time.
Leaves a lot unsaid in terms of what you need to know to understand certain parts.
Best Performer: Dev Patel.
Best Moment: The kick to the face.
Worst Moment: The white monkey mask, doesn’t last long enough.
Opening: The story of Hanuman. Not needed, but is appreciated.
Closing: An incredibly personal action scene, rife with emotion and despair.
Best Line: In the great tapestry of life, just one small ember can burn down everything
Original review here

One Life
Ups: Emotional.
A story that needs to be told right now
Downs: Kind of hides the fact they’re Jewish, only slightly alludes to it.
Incredibly predictable
Best Performer:
Best Moment: The Nazi’s taking over the train, heartbreaking.
Worst Moment: Going to focus more on a moment it DIDN’T have. It didn’t show the original film footage of him on That’s Life, bit weird as that felt like a guarantee.
Opening:
Closing: Standard “what happened next” text. More pictures or film footage of the real person would have been nice.
Best Line: I don’t know what you’re doing, but if you’re doing what I think you’re doing, I don’t want to know.
Original review here

Seize Them!
Ups: Very funny and brutal.
Brilliantly silly.
Those who love British sitcoms will have a blast with the cast.
Downs: Is it really the best time for a “Rich people are actually fantastic, and anybody who goes against them is a tyrant in disguise” message?
Terribly marketed.
A lot of convenience.
The third-act argument seems a little contrived.
Best Performer: Aimee Lee Wood.
Best Moment: The potential assassins all dying. So stupid, goes past funny straight to annoying, and then back to funny again.
Worst Moment: The split between the group doesn’t really feel earned.
Opening: Narration, then a servant gets stabbed. Sets up the tone (funny and bloody), and the character of Queen Dagan as a spoilt brat.
Closing: “what happened next”, would have been nice to see this for more of the characters. Does mean the film ends with the line “the two died in separate wanking incidents”, which would improve every film ever made. Even Schindlers List
Best Line: I’m finished. Strangle me … but gently
Original review here

Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Ups: Made with a genuine love of the franchise.
Funny.
Has actual emotion.
Continues to be much better than you’d expect.
Downs: Inconsistent speed.
A bit TOO similar to the first two.
Predictable.
Some REAL pacing issues.
Best Performer: Idris Elba
Best Moment: Maria and Shadow bonding. Incredibly sweet and feels very real.
Worst Moment: The two Robotniks meeting. Feels very self-indulgent from Carrey.
Opening: The birth of Shadow.
Closing: Another sequel hook. Exciting, but quite frustrating from a narrative standpoint.
Best Line: I have dishonored my marshmallow
Original review here

Spaceman
Ups: Some good shots.
Sandler gives a decent performance (albeit as the wrong nationality)
The flashbacks are really well done.
Downs: The spider moves too fluidly to feel like a real spider.
The character doesn’t react to the spider in a believable way.
Best Moment: The reveal of the spider. The director knows he’s got a good design here, and wants you to know it.
Worst Moment: When the president withholds Lenkas message, seems to only be done to advance the plot.
Best Performer: Paul Dano. I know Sandler is great in this, but his accent is too bad for me to have him as the best.
Opening: The titular character wearing a spacesuit, walking. Then we see him on his ship doing mundane shit that astronauts need to do. I feel the walking part wasn’t needed. Start with him on the ship.
Closing: We see that him walking through the lake at the beginning was a dream, which continues on here. Nice book-end, but is only there to be a bookend. Like it had to end like that because it started like that, and it had to start like that because it ended like that.
Notable Line: “You have many boundaries skinny human, perhaps they are the cause of your loneliness”
Original Review here

The End We Start From
Ups: Excellent use of water.
Joey Fry is REALLY good.
Downs: Her being separated from her husband for the duration of the birth doesn’t affect the birth much.
Characters don’t have names so it’s really weird to review and describe them.
Best Performer: Katherine Waterston.
Best Moment: The two women walking down a road whilst singing the song from Dirty Dancing. Very sweet.
Worst Moment: After the mother’s death, scenes of sadness etc but there’s a section where the music is a little bit too upbeat.
Opening: Woman runs a bath whilst on the phone. Eventually, the water covers the camera. This is an effective way of setting up the themes without hitting you in the face with them. She then sits her pregnant self in the bath. I appreciate that she didn’t mention it in the phone call, in fact, it would have been weird if she did it.
Closing: Both characters arrive home. Kind of bittersweet but really the only way it could end.
Best Line: “They trampled on my mum’s neck, people are starving, they don’t give a fuck”
Original review here

2024 In Film: Day Two (The Bad)

On By troubledproductionsIn Year round upLeave a comment

Films which are very bad, but at least have one thing I like about them

AfrAId
Ups: REALLY good soundtrack.
Downs: Loses faith in its own story.
Best Performer: Katherine Waterston
Best Moment: The enforced car crash. It killed a creepy sex pest, so yay.
Worst Moment: There’s a REALLY bad edit where it cuts straight from characters driving to them parked up and one of them exiting the car.
Opening: An AI poem. It’s weirdly haunting and beautiful. Then some music that reminded me of Portal. Overall, it was a much stronger start than I thought it would have. Yes, the characters are there just as fodder, but the opening actually references them as missing people, continuity!
Closing: The family decide to treat the AI like my family treats me: they don’t like it but they’ll just live with it for now.
Best Line: I’ve seen a lot in my life. They didnt’ even have ipads when I was born.
Original review here

Garfield
Ups: One or two funny moments.
The animation of the humans looks good.
Some cute small references.
Downs: Have the writers ever read a Garfield strip?
Best Performer: Brett Goldstein
Best Moment: The acorn-as-phone.
Worst Moment: The train fight/rescue.
Opening: A funky happy song. Because when you think “Garfield” you think happy and funky.
Closing: A hostage swap
Best Line: “I really hope this works otherwise she’ll put us down; with her words and cutting insults”.
Original review here

Imaginary
Ups: Some half-decent moments of tension.
Good idea.
Downs: It feels like a tribute act to better horror movies.
Nothing stands out.
Best Performer: Pyper Braun
Best Moment: The bit where they first enter the Never Ever is pretty cool and inventive. Reminded me of Among The Sleep
Worst Moment: To open the door the characters need to feel pain. Physical pain isn’t enough so one of the characters engages in a brutal speech to her stepdaughter. It’s not brutal enough. Harsher sentences are said throughout.
Opening: Woman being stalked through a house at night by a standard evil thing. It’s well made, it’s just not really anything we haven’t seen before. The opening credits are much better though. A bunch of family home movies. It’s so sweet and really plays up the idea of a family unit. THAT gives us a much better idea of tone than the actual scene with dialogue did.
Closing: Sequel bait. Eugh.
Best Line: “So your imaginary friend was a terrorist?”
Original review here

Joker: Folie A Deux
Ups: Some beautiful shots.
Good performances.
Important/interesting themes.
Downs: Those themes are VERY badly explored.
Boring.
Too bleak, stopped caring.
Wastes a lot of good ideas.
Doesn’t explore the world as much as it should.
Best Performer: Lady GaGa
Best Moment: The weird brightly coloured 60’s TV-inspired song/dream sequence.
Worst Moment: The implied prison rape.
Opening: An animated segment. Makes sense, and plays into the theme of being destroyed by your shadow. But doesn’t suit the films tone.
Closing: He dies. So the two films called “Joker” weren’t actually about the Joker.
Best Line: I couldn’t go back to work. I still can’t sleep and I’m scared all the time. I never used to be scared. I’m scared right now, here. With you in front of me. I couldn’t do anything that day. I felt so small. I was reminded how powerless I really am.
Original review here

Kraven The Hunter
Ups: Bloody.
Some fairly decent fight scenes.
Downs: Boring soundtrack.
Inconsistent accents.
Bad CGI
Badly written script.
Disservice to the character
Best Performer: Russell Crowe. He’s hamming it up, but you have to.
Best Moment: The death of The Foreigner. Oh god, that sounds wrong.
Worst Moment: “She died after that, and I never saw her again”. Was the dialogue in this movie written by AI?
Opening: Kraven in prison, hunting. Shows what Aaron Taylor-Johnson can do, for better and worse. Physical performance: good. Accent: Bad. Does show what this film has going for it; blood.
Closing: His brother has now become confident, and a villain. A villain we will not see because the franchise is deader than Uncle Ben.
Best Line: My father puts evil into the world. I take it out.
Original review here

Madame Web
Ups: It starts with a Yeah Yeah Yeahs song and ends with a Cranberries one, just ignore everything else and you’ll have a good time.
Downs: A waste of the character.
Characters change personalities depending on the scene.
Dakota Johnson.
Best Performer: Adam Scott.
Best Moment: A car quickly drives away, turning as it does so. The shot is a standard “snow gets kicked up into the air by a speeding tyre”, but with broken glass. It looks absolutely stunning and may be one of my favourite shots of the year. It cannot be overstated how good it is. That shot, and ONLY that shot, is why this movie wasn’t in the “awful” section.
Worst Moment: Pepsi.
Opening: A scientist shoots a pregnant woman who then gives birth. So generic it’s barely worth having.
Closing: Madame Web is now blind but is fully clairvoyant. So whilst she can see the future, she is unable to read the reviews.
Best Line: And you know the best thing about the future? It hasn’t happened yet
Original review here

My Spy: The Eternal City
Ups: Anna Farris is bae.
Good charisma.
Has Ashnikko on the soundtrack, gets points for that.
I’m assuming kids will like it.
Downs: The separation moment between the two leads doesn’t seem legit.
Unnecessary.
Assumes you remember more more of the previous film than most people would.
Best Performer: Either Farris or Chloe.
Best Moment: The villain reveal. It is possible I’m an idiot but I didn’t expect it.
Worst Moment: The bodyguard explained how he killed JJ’s friends, family and fish. Kind of came out of nowhere.
Opening: He’s now a bodyguard watching over a singer. It sets this up in about 5 seconds. Plane-based action sequence where he beats up a flight attendant. Sophie (his daughter) saves the day using a flight suit. I don’t remember the first film, but I can’t recall it being quite as dumb as this is. But that’s okay as it then turns out to be a dream sequence. A weird choice to open up on a dream sequence, especially in an action movie as it makes it difficult to manage expectations.
Closing: The world is saved, and two of the side characters are paired together.
Best Line: “You got me a used burner phone. Maybe I can use it to buy meth or order a hitman”
Original review here

The Watched/Watchers
Ups: Good idea.
Downs: Wastes so much potential.
Runs entirely on conveniences and luck.
Seriously, how do you now do a cool mirror/double scare?
Best Performer: Georgina Campbell.
Best Moment: The mirror being cracked, very unsettling.
Worst Moment: The entire third act. Unnaturally stretches the runtime.
Opening: Mina’s manager sends her to deliver a bird to someone. There’s NO indication of how that person reacted to not getting their delivery when she went missing. In fact, there’s no reaction to her going missing at all. That sums up my issues with The Watched; if you think about it for more than a minute thenTh it falls apart.
Closing: Mina convinces Madeline not to kill her, with the power of love.
Best Line: Try not to die
Original review here