The Fantastic Four: First Steps (2025) Review

Quick Synopsis: Mister Fantastic, Invisible Woman, Human Torch, and the Thing face their most daunting challenge yet as they defend Earth from Galactus and Silver Surfer.

I’m not as opposed to the recent MCU films as most people seem to have been. They haven’t been fantastic, but I think the worst post-Endgame movie is still better than Thor: Dark World. We are fifteen films away from Endgame, and I think it would be hard to argue that there’s been A LOT less progress made since then than there was in the first 15 films (which would take you up to Guardians 2). The MCU’s desire to introduce as many heroes as possible has meant that many of them have felt forgotten or like their movies had no consequence. The introduction of TV shows has meant that keeping up to date with developments in the MCU has felt more like homework than a fun way to spend time. The lack of focus is causing them to lose viewers (let’s be honest, a focus on women and non-white heroes is also driving people away, but only assholes, so who gives a shit about them?), and the fact that it would take nearly 80 hours non-stop to catch up, it’s going to be difficult for them to attract new viewers.

That’s all a rather long-winded prelude to me saying that this is kind of a return to form. Importantly, it actually stands out as unique. It has its own visual identity and style, something that has been lacking from the MCU lately where everything has looked the same and had the same feel to it. TFF: FS (To-foof Foos) is something which the MCU hasn’t been in a long time: different. Its set in the 60s, but a different version of the 60s. It feels like its set in what people in the 50s thought the 60s would be like; incredibly future retro. Visually, it reminds me of the Jetsons more than it does the Fantastic Four animated TV series.

Not that it doesn’t pay tribute to that series. It’s heavily inspired by the animated version, but not in a way that feels out of place. If you’re familiar with the series, you’ll catch the little winks and nods. It’s done skilfully enough that if you aren’t aware, you won’t feel like you’re missing out. There was the risk that having H.E.R.B.I.E would make it too silly, but it kind of works. Much like Krypto in Superman, it adds a level of comedy when needed.

Nows the best time to say that the phrase “much like Superman” could be all over this review. There are multiple comparisons. The colours, the importance they both have to their franchise, the playfulness etc. They’re also both anchored by great performances. Pedro Pascal is as good as you expect him to be, but the rest of the main four also play their parts. It’s a weirdly English cast, with a lot of them doing American accents. Yet you never really notice their accents slipping. There is one part where Galactus does go a slight bit Yorkshire, but you have to be really listening to notice. I loved Julia Garner as Silver Surfer, her character is believable, and her performance suits the greatness.

Now onto the downside. This is possibly the worst time for this film to be released. The next MCU film is Spider-Man: Brand New Day, then there’s Doomsday. Doomsday is going to be big. The biggest movie since Endgame. But does it really feel like it? Does it feel like it’s been set up? Fantastic Four is a fantastic standalone movie, but with the exception of a mid-credits scene, it doesn’t really do anything to get you excited for the next step. It reminds me of Captain Marvel, but that at least came JUST after Infinity War, so it still felt adjacent to an event. This doesn’t have that. I’m genuinely curious how they’re going to make Doomsday feel like a big deal without spending a lot of that movies runtime just setting stuff up.

That’s a very minor niggle. This is a fun film, with great music. It’s definitely the best Fantastic Four movie. Although that’s not really saying much.

Thunderbolts (2025) Review

Quick Synopsis: A ragtag group of misfits join together to save the day. Yes, it’s been done.

Doctor Strange, released back in 2016, was the 14th movie of the MCU. Think of everything that happened between the release of Iron Man and the release of that. All the original Avengers had been introduced, they had met, teamed up, and split. Tony Stark stepped into a leadership role alongside Steve Rodgers, Thor learned how to step back and not be so pigheaded, the Captain America trilogy showed us something special. I’m saying that because Thunderbolts is the 14th movie since Endgame, it would be impossible to argue that the MCU has taken the same steps. Post-Endgame, it’s still struggling to find an identity or story arc. There’s also been a change in intentions; it used to be focused on “we’re going to tell stories”, and now it seems to be based more on moments. When people talk about Doctor Strange 2: More Strangerer, they often don’t talk about the story, what the characters went through, etc; they talk about the scene where Scarlet Witch kills multiverse versions of characters we want to see. Even Brave New World was focused almost entirely around the scene of Red Hulk (and then spoiled in the trailer, so what was the point of watching the movie?). Thunderbolts feels like a change from that. For the first time, there are no huge reveals that are there to bait the audience (except for the Fantastic Four reference in the post-credits scene, which was spoiled by the “Fantastic Four Theme” listed in the credits itself).

For the first time in a long time, it has genuine emotion and character development. It’s been marketed as being similar to Guardians Of The Galaxy, but to me it felt more like Winter Soldier. Importantly, it feels mature. Even the way the villain is defeated is different from the usual superhero fare. It could be argued that Thunderbolts isn’t even about the villain, not really. It’s about depression, trauma, and youth football (of the non-US variety). It feels like an actual honest-to-god movie, rather than just a comic book movie.

It’s not perfect. There are a few moments which reveal things much earlier than the film intends. This isn’t a criticism of foreshadowing, I love that shit. But there are moments where you realise, “Okay, well, Marvel would never do the thing they want us to think they’ve done, which means there’s no threat in this scene” It’s hard to explain the specifics without spoilers. Also, I find it unrealistic that Bucky Barnes would be nominated as a congressman. Not because he has killed multiple people, including JFK, and the Starks. Not because you can never be truly certain if he’ll kill again. But because he has a definitive history of being anti-Nazi, that just won’t fly in modern America.

I liked how grounded this film felt. This is a weird thing to say about a film that features a character who is basically Superman. But it felt relatively small, in a good way. They weren’t saving the world from an extinction-level event. They were nipping a local event in the bud before it became a problem. This was superheroing as prevention rather than reaction. When people are in danger, it’s not directly because of the villain, but because of the side effects of what he did. The biggest threat to human life, the scenes which feature the most near-deaths, are focused around one helicopter crash; it flies into a building, causing structural damage, and that damage rains down onto civilians below. I love that. I also like when it allowed my favourite superhero cliche to happen; characters running towards danger while everyone else runs away. That image in the Justice League trailer was what sold Affleck as Batman to me, and I love it when it’s repeated.

As I said, a really solid script. But none of that would be worth a shot glass of monkey glass (what the fuck?) if the performers weren’t up to it. Why isn’t Wyatt Russell a bigger deal? Seriously, if you showed someone a photo of him, or one of his performances, they would assume he’s a big deal, someone who producers and directors have to fight to get to lead their movies because they know he’ll make them a success. He just FEELS like a star. I mean, he’s still highly regarded, but it genuinely baffles me how no studio has worked out a way to make him a household name. Florence Pugh is great, and her accent barely wavers, same with David Harbour, but he’s let down by a few moments where his character showcases the worst of Marvel screenwriting; badly timed quips. I will always love seeing Julia Louis-Dreyfus on screen, same with Geraldine Viswanathan. The two of them have weirdly good chemistry for two performers who I don’t think have worked together before; they could easily lead a sitcom or road trip comedy together.

In summary, one of the strongest MCU films in a while, and sets up enough dominoes for future movies to knock down.

Captain America: Brave New World (2025) Review

Quick Synopsis: Captain America punches things.

I’m assuming you guys have seen The Producers, right? If not, I’ll briefly explain the plot (spoilers for a nearly 60-year-old film by the way). The two characters (Leo and Max), attempt to produce a play that’s so bad that it gets cancelled quickly, allowing them to earn money (nobody checks the books on failures, so they can accept more funding and give away over 100% of stock). Why am I mentioning this? One, because it’s a great film and you should watch it. Two, so you can understand just how good season 4 of Curb Your Enthusiasm is. Three: because are the studio heads at Disney trying to do something similar with the MCU? This is not because of the film, but because of the trailer. Captain America: Brave New World (or CA: BNW, pronounced Car-Bo-new) is a good movie. The failure is in terms of the marketing. What was in the trailer? Red Hulk. What was the focus of all the merchandise? Red Hulk. What’s on the posters? Red Hulk.

But this isn’t really about Red Hulk. He appears in one scene near the very end. It’s also supposed to be a twist. It’s something that’s foreshadowed and built up to, so you wonder what’s happening to the character. It would be like if the marketing campaign for Saw 3D was based entirely around the return of Cary Elwes and this time he’s a villain. The Wait For Red Hulk means that CA: BNW feels like a prequel. You’re not watching to see what happens, you’re watching to see HOW something you know will happen happens. I’m incredibly disappointed that they did that. Not just because it ruins the film, but also because it makes it seem like they chased “butts in seats” rather than compelling storytelling.

It’s not a prequel, obviously. It’s a sequel. It’s not a sequel to the Captain America films, that would be too obvious. It’s a sequel to Hulk. With returning characters and cameos from Hulk, instead of from the first three Captain America movies. I get it, it’s a new Captain America, so villains from the first three movies wouldn’t have any beef with New Cap, but they certainly have more in common with him than the people the film decides to use.

That aside; CA: BNW is actually a lot of fun if you don’t stop to think about it for more than a few seconds. It has some decent side characters who are worth investing in. They’re well-written enough that if they died, it would mean something, so the action scenes actually have tension in them. It also has a genuinely great performance from Carl Lumbly. His performance has SO much emotional weight behind it. Giancarlo Esposito is also good, but not in it anywhere near as long as he should be.

That is a common criticism of the MCU. It puts so many eggs of character in its narrative cake that it ends up inedible and confusing (a bit like this metaphor). That’s definitely the case here. You could eliminate one of the villains (and probably the other black widow) and it wouldn’t affect the narrative that much. The MCU has a habit of changing films in post-production a lot, but it never seems to have “make it streamlined” as a goal.

It’s inevitable that some people will hate this, it’s now cool to hate the MCU, plus it has a black lead, so that’s going to annoy some “people” automatically because “WOOOOOOOOOKE!”. It doesn’t deserve that. It’s not as good as Winter Soldier, but I found more to like about BNW than I did the first Cap movie. The main villain is logical and is awarded a decent redemption arc. It would have helped to give them a few more moments of humanity, but there’s enough to give a teaser that he isn’t a complete shit before the full heel turn. I hope the other MCU films this year are better (especially Fantastic Four), but if this is the worst then it’s going to be a cracking year for them. Most of the flaws are down to (presumed) studio interference, so it’s hard to be annoyed at the creatives for that.

The Marvels (2023) Review

Quick Synopsis: It’s an MCU film.

What is it about female-led movies that annoy male movie fans so much? “But Brie Larson is unlikeable” say people who then bitch about how racists and sex offenders should still be in movies because “You need to separate the art from the artist”. People are talking about this as if it’s one of the worst comic book movies of all time. As someone who is currently watching the 2004 Catwoman movie, I can categorically say that’s not the case. At worst, The Marvels has a few wasted opportunities. In particular, it doesn’t seem like it makes the most of the body-swapping gimmick. They do it a few times, and it is integral to the plot, it does allow for some fun moments. But it doesn’t provide any “Wow, this incredible amazing action scene can ONLY be done in this movie” moments. I’m opposed to random hires on films, particularly when it comes to scripts, but if they had someone whose job it was to just think of those set-pieces then it would have improved it so much.

One thing this did get right is the chemistry between the three leads. I haven’t got around to Ms. Marvel yet, but the performance of Iman Vellani in this makes me think I should. Kamala Khan is so damn likeable in this, and she provides comic relief in an actual realistic way, as opposed to the standard Marvel way which is “We’re in the middle of a fight where we may die, time to quip” which usually feels overwritten and takes away from the seriousness of the action. Her comedic dialogue mostly focuses on being completely overwhelmed by what’s happening in front of her. I should point out that despite not having watched the Ms. Marvel series, I wasn’t lost while watching this. It does a pretty decent job of getting you up to speed with both her powers and her personality.

So it’s a shame that the villain is so underwhelming, especially since there’s so much potential. Zawe Ashton is a good performer, and none of the fault lies with her, but the character of Dar-Benn isn’t given enough screen time to really make an impact. What we see of her is pretty good though, she’s given believable motivations, a heartbreaking backstory, and has the potential to destroy the entire universe even after she dies by creating energy/resource-sapping jump points. But it feels like those jump points are the main villain and she’s just an afterthought.

Nia DaCosta is still relatively new as a director, but she steps up to the plate and knocks it out of the park here, scoring a complete third sports reference. Visually there’s a lot going on, and a lot of it is CGI, but it all feels real. There are no obviously embarrassing CGI failures like the ones which haunted the last Captain Marvel movie. There are some places where the music choices could have been slightly better though. In particular, there’s a section set on a planet where everybody communicates by singing. It has some fun moments but it doesn’t quite lean into the weirdness as much as it could. It could have been a highlight of the film if it had the guts to go weird. Just as I said when I first saw the casting for She-Hulk; they should have just got Rachel Bloom in and told her to do what she wants. It may have been terrible, it may have been amazing, but it would have for sure been memorable.

There is a lot to like about this, and nowhere near as much to dislike as the internet would have you believe. It’s probably one of the most solid entries in the post-Endgame MCU, and I hope the takings eventually reflect that.

Guardians Of The Galaxy Volume 3 (2023) Review

Quick synopsis: The Guardians struggle when Adam Warlock gravely injures Rocket, and they have to band together to find a way to save his life or risk everything falling apart.

Guardians Of The Galaxy Volume 3 (or Gotgv3, pronounced Gotgivthree) is exactly what you expect this film to be; for better and worse. The MCU (pronounced Mackyew) has felt like it’s been spinning plates for a while; as if it doesn’t matter what order the films get released in because they don’t connect to each other in any way. I remember before I watched Doctor Strange I made sure to watch Wandavision and the Doctor Strange episode of What If? so that I wouldn’t be lost. I have yet to watch The Guardians Of The Galaxy Holiday Special which was released last year on Disney+, and I wasn’t lost. Looking at the wikipedia page for that TV special and the first sentence is “The Guardians of the Galaxy have purchased Knowhere from the Collector and taken in Cosmo the Spacedog as a new member.”. That’s pretty much the only important thing and both of those you can kind of piece together anyway just by paying attention. They do mention Mantis and Quill being related in Gotgv3, but your brain kind of assumes they are anyway, and it makes no difference to the narrative so it doesn’t matter. I’ve said it before, and I will say it again if it doesn’t change; the MCU needs to start advancing the overall narrative, or people will start to think “I’ll wait to see it” and not feel they’re missing out on a cultural zeitgeist.

The last film James Gunn directed was The Suicide Squad, but this feels more like the other Suicide Squad movie. By which I mean the needle drops are too frequent and badly placed. It’s a shame as the other two Guardians films had iconic soundtracks, and this does too, but the songs are just badly used. Some of the choices are a little too predictable too, it’s not quite “We need to show this film is happy, so play Walking On Sunshine” levels of obviousness, but there are moments where it’s close. Like a lot of films in the MCU, there’s also a problem with tone. Bleak depressing moments of horrificness (that’s my band name) are followed by glib jokes or fun rock songs. It’s a shame as there are plenty of truly emotional moments that will kind of break you at times, but it could hit you harder.

Now onto the good, this features one of the best action scenes in the MCU, a single-shot sequence that encapsulates every character taking out a group of enemies in increasingly elaborate ways as we make our way down a hallway. It’s so beautiful to watch it all unfold in front of you, the delicate interplay between the characters and the moments making it feel less like a fight scene, and more like a highly choreographed ballet. It’s the closest the MCU has ever got to Oldboy.

Gotgv3 also features one of the most detestable villains the franchise has ever witnessed. A lot of villains so far have been sympathetic and tragic, or have been so cartoon-ey that it’s hard to take them seriously. The High Evolutionary isn’t justified or given a sad background like an X-Factor contestant, instead, he’s just a complete prick who you want to see fail. Unlike Thanos or Killmonger, you’re not likely to see swathes of people supporting him and wearing his face on t-shirts. What you will see is a large sense of cathartic release when he suffers, which is how it should be. Amazingly, Chukwudi Iwuji manages to pull off this character without seeming one-dimensional. It is strange to see Superstore’s Nico Santos as such an evil character too, I was just sitting in the cinema thinking “Mateo, you dick”.

It’s a good thing the High Evolutionary is as impressive as he is, as the eagerly anticipated Adam Warlock feels slightly underused. If he is in future projects then this can be forgiven as a set-up, but only if he does develop as a character. If he stays as he is, it will feel like a missed opportunity.

This is likely to be the last film with this iteration of the Guardians together as a group, and this is a fitting send-off. All the characters are given a chance to shine, and their fantastic chemistry continues to be a delight.

The real highlight in terms of characters though, is Rocket Racoon. He’s given a lot more to do in this and provides a lot of the emotional high points. It’s truly harrowing seeing what he goes through, and it actually helps explain his characterisation from previous films. This is what flashbacks should do, they should not just tell a story, they should also help provide context to things that have already happened and help flesh out the character. From the moment he meets his friend group, you know how it’s going to end, but that doesn’t make it any less distressing when it does, and it means his violent response feels warranted (even when you see the true extent of the injuries he doled out).

So in summary, I would recommend this. It’s exactly what you’d expect from a modern MCU film, I wouldn’t bother staying for the second credits scene though.

Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (2022)

Quick synopsis: A bluefish with achilles wings tries to protect his homeland, by invading another.

This was always going to be a curious watch. How exactly would they deal with the death of Chadwick Boseman? It was going to need to be handled delicately, not just because of what happened, but who it happened to. Boseman was regarded as one of the nicest people in Hollywood, and the circumstances of his death, where he went to children’s hospitals to meet fans even whilst he himself was dying, which could not have been easy for him. Often the goal with watching a film is to forget the external influences and review it on its own merits. It’s why I didn’t watch Don’t Worry Darling, because the on-set conflicts overshadowed everything about it and it would be difficult to watch it and not analyze everything for hints of the backstage drama. It’s like how you can’t read old lostprophets interviews without looking at every sentence for clues of the singers misdeeds (polite way to put something horrific). But this is different, you CAN’T go into this blind, you know the circumstances of Boseman, and it’s too big for the film to ignore.

They don’t ignore it, they have the character die of an unspecified illness off-screen. I’m glad they did that, if they just had him disappear there would be the worry he’d be recast in the future, and if he got killed by the villain it would seem a bit cheap. His death hangs over the film and defines the characters, you feel that this, more than any other film in the MCU, was one that was needed. It was needed as a tribute, and it was needed for the cast (and to a lesser extent, the audience) to help them grieve and get through it. None of this would matter if the film itself wasn’t good though. Phase Four has been divisive, some of that has just been due to people complaining that it’s not the Infinity Saga again, and some of it has been because “too many women”, but when the phase has also included its weakest film to date (Eternals), and a general lack of focus, it’s hard to get the same level of excitement as you used to get. Especially since lately they’ve eschewed plot and instead gone with “surprise cameos”. This doesn’t really have many surprises, it focuses on good storytelling. This is probably the most mature Marvel has been in a long time. I hate that saying “mature comic book movie” because it usually means (ironically) that it’s just full of blood and swearing, in a way that only really appeals to 15 year olds. This is actually mature. It deals with themes of loss and legacy. It’s genuinely heartbreaking at times and is well done.

The script is helped by the performances, Tenoch Huerta Mejia probably needed more to do but he does brilliantly and I’d like to see him return in the future as there’s a lot that could be done with his character. Letitia Wright looks a natural to lead the franchise going forward (if she stops making enemies on set). But the best performance was Angela Bassett, who gives a tremendous performance, thre’s one scene in particular where we see all her characters pent up rage and emotion, it’s the kind of scene which makes you wonder if she could get an Academy Award if given the right script. It’s weird that in an action movie the best scene is one which is just dialogue, but it has so much power that it’s hard to deny that’s the case. Although I’d be lying if I didn’t say a part of that is how pedestrian some of the action scenes are. There’s a running theme in Phase Four of overly busy final fight scenes. Shang-Chi is the best example of something that should have ended with a small one on one fight scene full of emotion, but instead they went with a multi-person CGI one. They do the same here. If this ended with a hand to hand fight between Namor and Shuri it would allow it to not just be a fight, but be a scene with emotion and character work. But it keeps cutting from that fight to another scene where blue creatures fight people dressed in blue in the middle of the ocean against a bright blue sky. This makes it hard to maintain momentum. Plus, personally I hate when films cut away from fight scenes then cut back a few minutes later; either the audience missed some of the fight, time stood still and the two timelines now aren’t concurrent, or they just stood around doing nothing. A fight between two hardened warriors should have an air of “any mistake will be punished” and like it could all be over in an instant. But when you cut between two seperate fights, film-making rules determine that usually those two fights end at the same time (or follow the same momentum), so you can tell the one on one isn’t going to end early when the multi-person scene is only just starting. There also multiple “that should have killed them” moments, there’s one in particular that stands out as being especially egregious.

A big downside for this is that it, even more than most Marvel films, will lose A LOT if you haven’t seen the previous entry in the series. Say what you want about Black Adam, but it works as a stand-alone film (I know people for whom that’s the only superhero film they’ve seen this year, and it made sense to them). The same cannot be said about this, it’s so dependent on you knowing who people are, and who they are to each other too. The continuity lock-out is strong, and that’s a shame as this deserves to be seen by people who wouldn’t watch this genre normally. It would do well with them, IF it wasn’t for the lockout.

So in summary, the best possible way for them to end this phase, and they achieved it by aiming small. It’s not about the end of the universe, or the world imploding, it’s smaller, and because of that, it’s much better.

Orphan: First Kill (2022)

Quick Synopsis: Leena Klammer is a 31 year old woman with a rare disorder that causes her to look like a child. She uses this to worm her way into a family by pretending to be their lost daughter Esther.

When you go to see a film you usually have questions you want answered: How will John Wick surpass the previous films? Who’s that mysterious person in the trailer? Is this where we begin to see that the MCU actually does have a plan? With this, the question was more “so it’s a prequel to a film that came out 13 years ago? How’s that going to work? And we already know the twist, she’s not a child, she’s an adult killer, so again; how is this going to work?”

As a general rule, prequels are terrible. They have zero tension because the film tries to put have life or death situations with characters we know to survive. As good as they were, NOBODY watches X-Men First Class and thinks “oh no, I don’t know whether Magneto or Charles Xavier are going to survive”. There’s also sequel escalation to deal with: because it comes after, the natural choice is to have bigger stakes, but it’s a prequel so it just feels weird. The “prequels are terrible” rule is ESPECIALLY true in horror movies; they have a habit of exploring characters who we don’t want to see explored, they ruin the mystery of the villains and make them seem weaker, ruining the whole franchise.

All of that, combined with the fact that I didn’t see any trailers at the cinema for this lead me to go in with low expectations. On the bright side, it’s just over 90 minutes so at least it will be over soon, plus I’m getting free nachos so that’s something.

I was surprised. I genuinely loved this movie. There’s a reveal in this where your experience as a viewer changes. It’s SUCH a good reveal too. The kind that makes you want to watch the film again to see if you can catch it before it happens. It also doesn’t impact the other film in the franchise. This does tie into the previous film, there are a few allusions to it here and there, and the ending directly leads into it. But it is a stand-alone film. It explains the character well enough that if you hadn’t seen the original, you won’t be lost. THAT’S how a film like this should be, it should reward viewers of the original, but it shouldn’t appeal ONLY to them. This is probably my favourite prequel I’ve seen.

Now onto the stand-alone analysis. There seems to be more of a focus on bright colours in this one, which provides a kind of nice motif throughout the whole thing. It’s not exactly unique, but it does make it stand out among the dark greys and browns of a lot of horror films. Directed by William Brent Bell, I’ve seen two of his films before (The Devil Inside, Brahms The Boy 2) and I fucking hated them, but his style works for this. There are some great uses of blank spaces to highlight how small Esther is compared to her surroundings.

Onto Esther, she’s played by Isabelle Fuhrman again, the last time she played her she was 12, she’s now 25. To reiterate: she’s 25, playing a 31-year-old who looks like a 9-year-old. It’s so weird but she pulls it off. This performance puts the character of Esther on another level, and makes you think that they must be really regretting killing her off at the end of the first one, and making the ending of this one tie so heavily into the start of the original. This character deserves to feature in more films, and I’m not sure how they’re going to do that now (although they are planning it). Her story is locked in, we’ve essentially seen the beginning and the end, with no room for a middle. The other members of the cast are okay, most of them are serviceable. Julia Stiles is a revelation though, I’ve seen her in a lot of stuff before, but this is her at her best. It felt like the first time she was a character and not just Julia Stiles. Rossif Sutherland is okay, I guess, but he’s stuck between two superb performances, and just doesn’t match it.

In summary I’d say definitely watched this. It’s a different film to the first one, but one I enjoyed a lot more.

Doctor Strange In The Multiverse Of Madness (2022)

Quick synopsis: It’s a Marvel film. Obviously, you’re not going into this for the plot.

I’m going to say this at the start: I thoroughly enjoyed this. I appreciated what it did with some of the characters, it’s probably the best-directed film in the MCU, and it managed to take a difficult concept and make it simple enough for everybody to understand (yet also feel smart for understanding it). I say that now, because a lot of this review will consist of me pointing out the negatives.

The big one, the MCU has a problem. It’s no longer exciting when an unexpected character appears. Because we’ve now come to expect it, you go in with the knowledge that anybody can appear. So there’s a small part in your brain going “well maybe the Fantastic Four will turn up, maybe the X-men will be in this” so when characters do appear, you’re not surprised because a part of you expected it. There are times they have managed to surprise you (Ben Kingsley in Shang-Chi being the obvious one) but mostly it’s just “I knew it!”. There are a few that people have been speculating would be there since Endgame.

Where this becomes an issue is that this seems to be what the MCU have anchored their films around, when No Way Home is discussed it’s usually about the subject of the other Peter Parkers (and the fact they only included movie ones is a huge missed opportunity and made it feel like a film, including random ones we’ve never seen before would have helped it). It reminds me of when Ricky Gervais made Extras and it became about who the celebrity cameo was, rather than the story.

It’s a shame as that does a disservice to this, Scarlet Witch is a fantastic villain, and I appreciate that they rushed into that at the start of the film rather than revealing it near the end. I mean, it is a bit weird that the most powerful villain of the MCU so far has only really lasted one film. Her face turn at the ends makes it highly unlikely that she’s going to be the next Big Bad of the franchise. Which is a shame as that would have been interesting. They would have to fight someone who they’ve been friends with, someone who knows their weaknesses and fears, and can use that against them. More importantly it would have made it seem like the MCU has a plan, the new introductions are because Wanda never met them so she doesn’t know how to defeat them, and Thors arc lately has been about facing his fears, which he’d have to do. It would also make it seem like those weird scenes in Age Of Ultron had a point. As it is, the overall plan for the MCU seems to be “more people! Each more powerful than the last” and it’s getting unfocused and incredibly bloated (unpopular opinion, but major MCU characters HAVE to start dying. Properly dying, not “dead but can come back due to multiverse”).

The biggest issue? It’s a 12a. It should be a 15. This is the closest the franchise has got to a horror movie, and it feels slightly neutered by its age rating. The scene with the Illuminati is horrifying, but if it was a 15 then it could have gone slightly further with some of the moments, make it truly disturbing.

I said earlier that it’s the best-directed of the franchise so far. I stand by that, it has some incredibly creative set-pieces, having moments which could only happen with this character. It absolutely nails the large set-pieces in a way that truly deserves the big screen. On the other hand, there are a few one on one fistfights, and they’re not done well. They look clunky and full, overchoreographed and edited in a way that distracts from the action rather than adds to it.

On the plus side, they have finally fixed their third-act problem that has plagued a lot of their films lately (Shang-Chi in particular had a huge drop in quality for the final section). The final section for this is actually entertaining and creative as hell. The downside is it’s when the offscreen inertia is most obvious. Characters don’t seem to do anything when the camera is not focused on them. The film cuts away from someone in the middle of doing something, they’ll be a big action set piece that lasts about 10 minutes, then when it goes back to them, they’re still doing the thing. It’s weird and makes it seem like something was ruined in the editing suite.

So yeah, if you like the MCU, go see this. If you don’t, this isn’t going to change your mind. It’s one of the most unique MCU films so far, but that’s not saying much lately.

Oh, also the last scene is bad. Just bad.

Morbius (2022)

Quick synopsis: After living his whole life with a dangerous blood disorder, Doctor Michael Morbius decides to try a radical approach, vampire bat blood. This turns him into a vampire of the non-sparkly variety.

This was originally supposed to be released in July 2020, and has been delayed multiple times since then. That kind of delay is never a good sign for a film, it usually indicates a lot of studio interference, which makes the film feel incredibly disjointed. That’s definitely the case here. It lacks a coherent vision. There are times when it feels like one of those assignments you had to do at school where one person would write a chapter, then someone else would write the next one etc. There are also quite a few moments where I felt like I missed something. A character is shown in hospital recovering from serious injuries, and in a pretty bad way. They’re established as being there in a lot of scenes, and then suddenly they’re being stalked by someone who is watching them through their bedroom window. When were they released? There wasn’t even much indication that they were getting better and suddenly they’re not only back home, but also completely recovered from their injuries, with no indication that they were ever hurt.

While that’s not shown, what is shown is not always needed. The bit in the trailer of him cutting his hand and then bats flying towards him? Not needed. That’s how the film opens, and it adds absolutely nothing. If we just saw the character in his lab with the bats, we’d know he got them. It’s even weirder that this scene is followed by a flashback of him and his “brother” in Greece growing up. I mean, it’s in Greece, but all the characters speak English, with American accents. Now you could say “oh they went there because it’s a specialist place that deals with those blood diseases”, but the bullies outside speak in English too. It feels lazy, and completely unnecessary. Just have the building in America. Yes, it changes the character backstory from the comics, but you’re doing that anyway. Fuck it, if it is important to you, if he absolutely MUST be from Greece, but you still want to cast an American, there’s a town in New York (Rochester, specifically) called Greece, just use that. Yeah, it’s cheating, but it’s not as though you’ve stuck to the comics with the rest of how you’ve treated him.

Now, onto the post-credits scene. It’s strange. The trailers featured The Vulture from Spider-man: Homecoming, so you knew he was in this film. Technically he’s not, he doesn’t appear until the post-credits scenes. So to clarify, they put the post-credits scene in the trailer. That’s really weird and also destroys the point of post-credit scenes, they’re supposed to be surprises. The nature of it just raises more questions. So for some reason, Vulture comes from the MCU universe to this one? He’s the only one this happens to. The only way this works is if he was originally from this universe, got transported to the MCU at some point, and then the events of No Way Home sent him back. Still requires explanation but still, it’s not as though that’s the only thing that raises questions (other questions, Morbius’s reaction to “I blame Spider-man” isn’t “who the f is Spider-man? Why would I blame him? This was all me”, where did Vulture get his equipment from in this new world? Doesn’t he miss his family? The prisons reaction to a stranger turning up from another universe is “meh, free him” rather than asking ANY questions about how he got there).

Now onto the absolute worst thing for me in this film, there’s a fight scene near the end which is among the worst I’ve ever seen. There’s a moment where there’s just an incomprehensible mess on screen for a few seconds, just a blur of brown and black. No need for that. That should not exist in a film this big and it’s a disgrace to modern cinema that it is. There are a lot of bad scenes in films this year, and there will be more, but that is almost a dead cert to win “worst scene” at end of year.

Now onto the good, the performances weren’t too bad, the character has clear motivations, the love interest doesn’t feel tacked on, and the music choices for the trailer were good. Although no matter how good Leto was in it, it has to be acknowledged he was a prick on set. He decided to method act, so would walk around very slowly using crutches, like his character. This meant his pee breaks took so long it was slowing down filming.

Congratulations Leto, you’re pissing off people who are working longer hours than you, for less money, and less recognition. I wonder whether his use of method acting is purely an excuse to be a massive prick to everybody. From what I’ve heard of his behaviour on Suicide Squad, seems the case. But it’s fan, the Hot Topic crowd love him. So films cast him, then make him ugly, but not TOO ugly, because they still want horny teens to buy tickets.

It’s a film you come out of thinking it’s stupid, although the more you think about it, the more you pontificate on what happened, the more you realise it’s actually INCREDIBLY stupid. And filled with characters who do stupid things. Like at one point he turns down a Nobel Prize because he was rewarded for discovering a new technique while trying to solve something else, so he sees it as being rewarded for failure. This is supposed to show him as dedicated and headstrong, in reality it just shows him as incredibly stupid. He is doing all this research work, seemingly with one other person. He’d have a much higher chance of success if he showed he was willing to work with others. So really the whole thing just makes him seem like a petulant dick, who is more focused on HIM curing the disease, than the disease being cured.

Prick.

Eternals (2021)

Quick Synopsis: Immortal god-like beings fight beasts, themselves, and their own purpose in life.

This is……it’s far too long. I’ve only seen one film directed by Chloe Zhao before, and that was Nomadland, I feel her skills are wasted here. Nomadland was about the personal, it was about focusing on the small, this is a very big film so it’s a weird mesh of style and story that doesn’t really work. Maybe part of that is the script. It’s trying too hard to feel big. It has to tell the story of this entire group, that’s a lot to do. It also tries to tie it into the history of humanity as a whole. It doesn’t do this in chronological order, it jumps back and forth for the first half of the film, almost as though it’s acknowledging that there’s too much backstory but they feel they need to put it in there somehow anyway. The fractured storytelling also really hurts the story being told. The group have been separated for hundreds of years, the film spends a long time getting them back together and the relationships between them all are strained. But we as an audience don’t feel that. And we don’t feel that because of the non-linear editing. As characters, it’s been a long time since they’ve seen each other, but as an audience, it was only 5 minutes or so since we saw them all together and working as a team, and we haven’t seen the split yet. So we don’t feel that tension between them at all. If they did the “Eternals involved in the history of humanity” stuff as a montage at the beginning, then have them split, then we’ll feel it.

The issues behind the split between the group are weirdly underplayed. There are two main incidents that I feel aren’t explored enough: one is the Spanish Conquistadors laying siege to an Aztec city. This could be a haunting emotional setpiece. The whole group should be emotionally devastated at not being able to help, they should all carry that guilt around with them, as it is only one of them does. It’s quite telling that this film doesn’t even have a “Nightmare Fuel” entry on the films TVTropes page. How is that scene not one that stays with you? It’s genocide on film. Yet we don’t really get any emotion from it. The way they do Hiroshima is better, they have the character completely break down and be overcome with guilt. You FEEL that, briefly, then it passes because the film has more stuff it has to cram in.

So far you may think that since I’m discussing what it missed, that I think it should have been longer. Noooooooooooo. This film is over 2 and a half hours, and it feels it. It’s actually longer than Infinity War, yet it feels like it does less. So much of the time is wasted. This is a short excerpt from the Wikipedia entry on the film:

In the present day, Sersi and Sprite live together in London. After Sersi was left by her partner Ikaris centuries earlier, she is now in a relationship with human Dane Whitman, who works at the Natural History Museum. The trio is attacked by the Deviant Kro, with Ikaris arriving and chasing the creature away. Realizing the Deviants have returned, they travel to South Dakota to reunite with their leader, Ajak, only to find that she had been killed by Kro.

I estimate that just that section, not including the flashbacks interspersed throughout, that on it’s own, takes over half an hour. There is no sense of efficiency to any of it. Now I know action scenes can be like that. “they fight” can be a five-minute battle that entertains the hell out of you. But for that to work, the action scenes need to be amazing, they need to be creative and inventive to truly WOW you. This doesn’t do that, and it should. The characters are basically gods, so why are the action scenes duller than the ones in Shang-Chi? There is nothing even close to the use of space or location for fight scenes that that film had. There’s no inventiveness, no spectacle, basically no fun.

On the upside, the performances are hard to flaw, and it does one thing I was really worried it wouldn’t be able to pull off. It avoids the whole “I will now explain all our superpowers in a completely unnatural way” problem that similar films have. It does something better: it just shows you. That’s a more difficult way to do it but much more impressive. The general look and cinematography is also to be commended, even standard scenes are shot in a way of great beauty. It’s not just individual performances, the cast gel together incredibly well and their chemistry is obvious for everybody to see.

So in summary, to be honest, you probably don’t NEED to see this, it’s relatively unessential and not exciting enough to make up for it. One thing better than Shang-Chi is it could lead to a lot more exciting things. The world being made aware of their existence opens up some possibilities, and there are a few more characters implied who could be fun to watch develop.