So, halloween is just around the corner, knife in hand, ready to jump out and disembowel people when they approach it (or alternatively, hand out sweets, depends how you celebrate it), so what better time than now to waste time watching horror films start a new blog series? Similar to Musings On Marvel which I did earlier this year, and extremely similar (I.E: Pretty much the same as) last years Nightmare A Day, I’ll be watching a film every day and blogging my thoughts. This year I’m doing the Chucky series, and I thought I’d start with the first film, because I’m not a complete idiot.

Director: Tom Holland ((Psycho II (unpopular opinion, I prefer it to the first one) Fright Night (including the sequel and remake))

Budget: $9million

Box Office: $44.2million

• The cop just threw his jacket away. Littering!
• Pretty impressive shot there. Cop attempted to shoot someone but they move out of the way and it shoots a car window instead, camera was behind the car window so it looked beautiful.
• How different would this film have been if he put his soul into a ninja turtle toy, or a transformer?
• Oh man I’d hate to be the shop worker who has to tidy this up in the morning.
• “Oh god I’m dying”, really needed a better delivery of that line there. Sounds way too “ah well, shit happens”
• “You did this” Murderer is annoyed that somebody killed him. Really the hypocrisy is worse than the murder.
• Shop exploded. Obviously. Yet no fire alarms went off. See, that’s why you have health and safety laws.
• “I saw this one” yeah, children famously hate repetition.
• This toy company has it’s own cereal that’s basically diabetes in a box.
• That giant doll costume is really really creepy.
• Even without the soul of a psychopathic killer I still get the feeling these dolls would kill you. You specifically.
• “so remember to tell your mum and dad you want a Good Guy”. I have two jokes for this. Delete which ever one you found less funny. 1) When I told my parents I wanted a good guy they were less than pleased. 2) No, you go get a job and buy your own dolls.
• “and remember, you can buy all these good guy accessories too” Holy pressurised selling, Batman!
• This kid is called Andy, I’m now saying this is a Toy Story prequel.
• “How long have you been up?” “since forever” You lying little shit.
• “it looks delicious” Liar!
• “I have to give you your super duper birthday tummy gummy” That sounds strange.
• A news report on Charles Lee Ray, do they often put news reports about serial killers on just after children’s TV shows this early in the morning?
• You did not need to have a box that big just to put children’s clothes in. It’s just a waste of wrapping paper.
• “there’s a guy in the alley selling the toy you want”. That statement asks more questions than it answers. 1) Why were you in the alley behind the store? This was before shops could hire snipers to shoot smokers so you could have gone out the front. 2) How did Chucky climb back into the box and close it, and clean up the blood? 3) It’s been a while since I’ve brought toys, but “stranger in an alley”? I really doubt they have a decent returns policy. “if you’re not satisfied, fucking die”
• “Are you happy with your job here?” No manager would ever ask that question.
• “A Good Guy, I knew it” What gave it away? The fact it was in a Good Guy box, or the fact that the box has a see-through front so you can tell what it is before you opened it?
• The toy company has it’s own cake mix. Evil!
• “Hey Chucky, you’re not watching me”. It’s because you’re boring, kid.
• “Chucky wants to watch the nine O clock news” She doesn’t find it weird that a child asks to watch the news.
• So, inside the doll is the soul of an an adult male, and he just got kissed by a child. This must be hell for him.
• “What is wrong with me?” Off the top of my head, I’d say low self-esteem, a lack of maternal affection and a genetic predisposition for anxiety and depression.
• How did she get hit so hard (with a toy hammer no less) that she stumbled about 6 feet back with enough force to fall through a window? Were the windows made of sugar glass?
• If a body lands on your car, is that covered by insurance?
• “I live there”, thankfully the police don’t ask for proof or clarification.
• So the detective investigating this is the same one who shot Charles Lee Ray? Wow, well coinci-mental
• “Why? What’s happened to Maggie?” Well the detective is from homicide, try and put 2 and 2 together.
• “You got any idea what these are?” What, the footprints, I’d say they’re footprints.
• “what would Andy be doing on the counter anyway?” There speaks somebody who obviously has never had children, those fuckers climb everything.
• PJ Sneakers? What the fuck? No! That’s just ugly capitalism.
• “I don’t know who did that, and I don’t care”, wait, you don’t care who killed them?
• “I want time alone with my son” “okay, we’ll clear out”, is that how police investigations work? They stay there until they solve the case, or until somebody politely asks them to leave.
• The main kid in this called Andy, and there’s a character called Sid, this is basically Toy Story.
• “his real name is Charles Lee Ray”, why did he tell you that?
• “it’s because of Aunt Maggie you’re behaving like this”, no it’s because you’re a failure and I hate you.
• “Why don’t you sleep with me tonight?” Wait, but at the moment you suspect your kid is dangerous, so why would you want that? Why not do the opposite and sleep far away, locking the door.
• “you sure you’re alright about last night?” He goes to school the next day? I know it’s just a family friend but surely he’d get a day off for that?
• How did he get on a train without either 1) paying (you really think a six year old kid has that much spare change?). 2) Someone phoning the police.
• Pretty good use of music here, they’re seemingly incorporating the basic noise from a train running on the tracks into the music. Simplistic but rather brilliant.
• What was Chucky’s plan if Andy didn’t need a piss at this precise moment?
• Andy urinated for over a minute, how much does this kid drink?
• “random noise, I’ll fire towards it” Good plan.
• Andy runs towards gunshots.
• How did Andy find Chucky in the burning wreckage?
• Why has she not thrown that box out? Or at the very least compacted it down for recycling. Earth-killers are the true evil.
• Good Guy even make their own god-damn batteries?
• “Talk or I’ll throw you in the fire”. Look, this will go one of two ways, either 1) You’re threatening a serial killer. Or 2) You’re going to burn your childs favourite toy because it wouldn’t talk to you.
• “I brought it from a peddler behind my work, I’ll try there” Stupid idea.
• “he’s a cop” How do you know that? All he’s done is knee a homeless rapist in the groin, that’s the least that anybody would do.
• “It was struck by lightning the night that Charles Lee Ray died? “How do you know that?” Well I imagine a serial killer dying, and a big toy store blowing up would make the local news. And he’s a member of the police so I imagine he’s up to date with current events, even ones as small as the police shooting someone.
• “I was the man who killed him” “why didn’t you tell me?” Is it a policy to tell civilians every single person you’ve killed? If so that’s going to make meeting new people a lot more difficult for me.
• Chucky attempts to strangle him, instead of, you know, using the knife.
• Chucky finally decides to use the knife.
• Obvious Green Screen is obvious.
• “this is his accomplice” then why aren’t you there? Why did you insist on seeing a civilian first, and then take her to a possibly dangerous scene?
• Why does he have a voodoo doll of himself? Does he put it near the heater so that even when he’s walking around in the snow he’s warm? That’s what I would do.
• “I have a date with a six year old boy”, Phrasing!
• Chucky stabs the voodoo doll, instead of, you know, just stabbing the guy laying in front of him. Lazy.
• The actor playing Andy seems to genuinely be in fear. No child actor is that good (apart from Ruby Barnhill and Madison Wolfe of course) that I’m not suspicious that that child is actually in fear of his life. In which case, meh, you gotta do what you gotta do.
• Chucky bites a lot. If that’s his natural instinct he probably did it a lot whilst human too, so why did it take so long for the police to catch him? Or has him becoming a doll given him really weird fetishes?
• Random fact: Whilst doing the voice-over work for when Chucky is thrown in the fire, Brad Dourif’s (the voice of Chucky) daughter crawled into the recording room. Nobody noticed until she started crying as a reaction to her dad screaming. I don’t have a joke to end this on, just found that interesting.
• This woman who works in a department store is a better shot than most movie cops.
• I like how this ends with a “phew we’re safe, but oh shit, everyone thinks we’re crazy”. Kind of a happy ending, but also a downer. It’s a happy downer, like a post-orgasm penis

And that’s that. The first of many (well, about 5) in a new series.