Tag: Film

Final Destination Bloodlines (2025) Review

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Synopsis: Have you seen any of the other Final Destination movies? It’s that.

The Final Destination series will always have a place in my heart. It’s the only horror franchise that I’ve been able to watch progress along with everybody else. The first Chucky movie I watched was Bride, so already needed to catch up on three of them, Nightmare On Elm Street had pretty much finished (except for Freddy Vs. Jason) by the time I got to it, Scream is the closest, but I didn’t see that until the second one was out. But Final Destination? I hired the first one from a local video shop, then was able to watch the rest as they came out, some on TV on the movie channels, some on DVDS. I am a genuine fan of them (as can be proven here) I hadn’t watched any at the cinema, though, until now. *overly dramatic music*

Genuinely disappointed with my cinema experience for this. I booked for a subtitled screening (I loves me some subtitles), but it was changed to a standard screening 2 hours before. So those who don’t like subtitles wouldn’t have booked because by the time it was no longer subtitled, it was too late, and those who like subtitles would have cancelled when they got the e-mail saying it’s no longer subtitled. So it was an almost empty screen. That’s a shame, as Final Destination Bloodlines (FDB, pronounced Thud-ob) deserves to be seen with a group of people. As I was watching it, I imagined friends and family nearby watching it with me, reacting to the tense moments and visual foreshadowing.

The deaths in this franchise have always been a mixed bag. Sometimes they’ve caused people to react with “well I can’t even get behind a log truck again”, and sometimes they’re so silly that they’re almost comical. Before you think that’s just me shitting on the sequels, the first movie had “death sucks the liquid back into the toilet”, which is still one of the dumbest moments in the franchise. I can’t think of any deaths in FDB which I’d count among the series lowlights (although the obligatory “final scene death” is shit, but that’s mainly because of the narrative of it, rather than the nature of the death itself), and there are a few which I’d count among the most gruesome (that’s one involving an MRI machine which is haunting).

The opening disaster is probably the best in the franchise and the longest. It sets the tone perfectly and features one of the funniest child deaths in cinema history (it’s fine, the kid deserved it). The deaths are unique and harrowing. On the downside, it takes up a huge stretch of the runtime, considering they’re not the main characters. Traditionally, the inciting incidents have involved the characters we’re going to spend the rest of the film with, so we get to spend time with them, learn their personalities and quirks. FDB has the disaster happen to a group of people we never see again. It does feature the main character’s grandmother, but we only really spend 5 minutes with her once the main story begins. That character is interesting, she’s one who’s spent her whole life writing notes on how to avoid death, decades of research and observation. She’s one of two people from the original incident who are still alive at the start (along with Bludworth, played by Tony Freaking Todd, explaining how his character has been so knowledgeable). It would have been interesting to see some more of those characters, even if it was just in quick cuts.

That’s my big issue with FDB, as good as it is (and it is very good), you can’t fight the feeling that there’s a much better movie hidden in the narrative floorboards. Decades of strange deaths, Iris compiling the book, whether THEY knew anything about the disasters. It would have been fascinating to see a movie like this set in the ’60s or ’70s. Imagine the amount of carnage you could have teased by setting a scene at Woodstock, a Sex Pistols gig, etc. It would have allowed us to see characters who didn’t have the internet to research anything, could have had flash forwards to the future, maybe of them giving birth to a character from the first film. Instead, the 60’s prologue is just that, a prologue.

Not that there’s anything wrong with the characters we have. They’re all likeable, so when they die, we actually feel sadness and terror instead of the desire to cheer. They are still entertaining, though. There’s one in particular (involving a football) which is darkly hilarious. Personally, I would have liked to have seen some returning characters (of which, let’s face it, there are very few). FDB comes off as a finale, the sky restaurant was the catalyst for the events of every movie, and now all the survivors (and their bloodlines, heeeeey, that’s why it’s called that) have been killed, so what’s left? The other thing that gives it an air of finality is the final appearance of Tony Todd, who sadly passed away in 2024 of stomach cancer. Watching Bloodlines, you can tell he’s not got long (he passed six months after filming), and he knows it. It’s genuinely heartbreaking to see, but I’m not sure he could have asked for a better farewell. He revealed his condition to the filmmakers, who allowed him to write his final lines.

“I intend to enjoy… the time I have left. And I suggest you do the same. Life is precious. Enjoy every single second”

I genuinely didn’t expect to cry during a Final Destination movie, but that part damn near got me. It’s clear that Todd meant that as a goodbye to his fans, and it speaks volumes to his character that he did so. He will be missed, but damn, what a way to go.

The Ugly Stepsister (2025) aka Den Stygge Stesøsteren Review

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Quick synopsis: Cinderella, but from one of the stepsisters’ POV, and with added body horror.

“Dark versions of fairy tales” will always be intriguing. Although it’s a bit weird to think about because really, we’re not seeing dark versions of them; we’re seeing versions that are “more accurate to the original books than the Disney adaptations were”. Whether we like it or not, though, the Disney versions are the ones in the public consciousness. When people dress as Cinderella, they dress as the Disney version. So a film like The Ugly Stepsister will always be welcome. That being said, this is possibly the worst time to release it. The last few years have seen multiple copyrights expire, which has led to shit horror movies based on characters who are now in the public domain such as Winnie The Pooh and the original Mickey Mouse design. So you’d be forgiven for being a bit sceptical of a “horror reimagining of what most people see as a Disney property”.

TUS is better than those others, for a start, it focuses on the correct character, the titular stepsister. Secondly, it takes it seriously. It starts off like a normal costume drama. This is great as it allows you to adjust the universe. If a movie starts with blood and gore, you assume that’s normal for that universe, so later violence isn’t as shocking. Whereas if you start from a grounded position, the violence hits hard. There is a small hint of horror with the cruelty, which is then amped up when he coughs up blood. This interesting “not a costume drama but looks like one” approach is also represented in the opening credits, which are a weird mix of horror and regency.

When TUS gets brutal, it is horrific. The nose being broken by a chisel is horrendous. It’s not overly gory, there’s a tiny bit of blood, and no other visible damage. But the screaming? Oh my god the screaming, that sells it. I’m trying to think how to say this without coming off as creepy, but Lea Myren is one heck of a screamer. Her anguished howls of pain will reach deep inside you and claw at your guts.

I loved some of the music, but it doesn’t always work. I know that sounds contradictory but it is possible to recognise something as great but not appropriate. O Fortuna is a magnificent piece of music, but you wouldn’t use it to score a porno. There are so many music choices here which don’t work because the disconnect between the music and the visuals are too large to ignore.

In terms of visuals? It’s artfully shot, a bit too much at times. There are a few moments where a scene starts with a soft fade from someone’s face, and it would be lit in a somewhat “fuzzy” way, making you think it was a dream sequence. Nope, actual thing that happened, so halfway through the scene, you need to adjust your mindset. It’s a small thing, but it KEPT happening, to the point where there are a few shots of which I’m still not entirely sure if they were dream sequences or not.

That all may be a bit mean. Whilst TUS isn’t the best movie of the year, it is still interesting. You may not want to watch it again, but it won’t be one you regret. It’s the kind of movie that would have KILLED back in the days of VHS. The body horror aspects are PAINFUL! The tapeworm moment does look a bit ridiculous, but only towards the end, most of that scene works. The foot chopping scene is one of the most viscerally disgusting things I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen Piers Morgan’s face. It’s a smart choice to not have the step-sisters be completely terrible people. They’re not necessarily nice, but the Cinderella expy isn’t nice either; she starts off snooty and condescending. Every character is relatable and believable (although the other step sister would have benefited from being on screen more), except for the step mother, who is fucking awful, in a cinematically appealing way.

What is clear is that Emilie Blichfeldt is one hell of a talent, and couldn’t ask for a better debut feature than this. The world is set up for her to place her name alongside the likes of David Cronenberg and David Lynch. Now she just needs the opportunity, and a studio that trusts her vision.

Havoc (2025) Review

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Quick Synopsis: After a drug deal gone wrong, a bruised detective must fight his way through the criminal underworld to rescue a politician’s estranged son, unravelling a deep web of corruption and conspiracy that ensnares his entire city

This is a difficult review to write. Not because I was so emotionally affected by the film that it left me speechless. Not because it was so magnificent that I’m lost for words. And not even because it has so many potential spoilers that I can’t discuss the film without spoiling plot points. It’s difficult to write about because it’s so incredibly bland. It’s almost noteworthy how bland it is.

This was actually on my list to see last year, but I didn’t get around to it because I was hindered by the fact that it wasn’t released last year, I know, just lazy on my part, I apologise. But it’s been on my radar for a while. I didn’t know the plot; all I knew was that Tom Hardy was in it, and it was directed by Gareth Evans. So I was looking forward to it. The Raid is a modern action movie classic. I can’t see Havoc reaching the same acclaim. In fact, I can’t even see it being remembered. I watched it yesterday, and I can barely remember it, and that’s with making notes.

There are some good action sequences, I’ll give it that. It has a unique visual style that didn’t really work for me as I felt I was watching it through an ’80s filter. I didn’t feel like I was actually watching something from the 80s, but a video game cut-scene designed to look like the 80s. I can’t explain it, but there’s something about the visuals that’s “off”. But I’ll give Evans credit for at least TRYING, which is much more than most Netflix movies seem to do lately.

It’s a shame, as it’s got a really good cast. Tom Hardy is (in my mind), one of the best modern performers, and I always love seeing Timothy Olyphant in stuff because he has an unmistakable charisma. They’re backed up by notable names: Forest Whitaker, Luis Guzman, etc. If you saw those names together in a trailer, you’d think you’re in for a good time. You certainly wouldn’t expect something quite as tofu-like as this.

The main issue is the script. Havoc hasn’t met an action movie cliche it didn’t want to use. Sometimes, it works, but there are a lot of times when it feels derivative. It’s like a good cover song: You recognise what they’re doing, but you know it’s so dependent on the work already there by others that it’s hard for it to have its own identity. Specifically, a cover song played live by a band who keeps winking at the audience, as if to say “do you recognise what we’re doing?”. There’s nothing about Havoc that stands out, nothing that makes you feel you NEED to tell people to see it. In some ways, this is perfect for Netflix. It’s a film that’s designed to be “content”; you don’t engage with or love it. You watch it once, it disappears in the fog of the algorithm, and you never come across it again.

This is a film starring capable actors, directed by someone incredibly talented, and yet with a poor result. The most offensive part about that is that that would also be how I would describe The Electric State, which I also only just reviewed (available here). The only other netflix film I’ve watched this year? Kinda Pregnant (as reviewed here). That’s three movies, and all of them have been duds. THAT is now netflix’s brand; disappointment.

The Electric State (2025) Review

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Quick Synopsis: An orphaned teen hits the road with a mysterious robot to find her long-lost brother, teaming up with a smuggler and his wisecracking sidekick. I know, SOOOO original.

Many reviews for The Electric State (or TES) seemed unkind. After watching it, I can confirm that they are, in fact, quite kind. Simply describing TES as “a bad movie” is the kindest thing you could say about it. I like the Russo brothers; they’ve directed some of my favourite episodes of Community and Arrested Development. But they also directed The Gray Man, a film so forgettable that having watched it is almost indistinguishable from not having watched it. I just looked at my review for that, and I was genuinely tempted to repost that with a few names changed, because I could make the same damn points for this.

Now it doesn’t make the exact same mistakes. Nope, TES managed to make newer, dumber mistakes. Firstly, it’s more expensive. Secondly, it doesn’t have a charming, charismatic lead like Ryan Gosling; instead, it’s stuck with Chris Pratt, who seems to be continuing his quest to try to be Harrison Ford, and failing miserably (well as miserably as someone with millions of dollars in the bank can fail). The music is nowhere near as good. I can’t remember that much of the music in The Gray Man, but I don’t remember it feeling as post-Guardians as this does. I’ll explain what that means, since the success of Guardians Of The Galaxy, it has occasionally felt like film studios treat soundtracks (especially for action movies with a sci-fi element) as a way for the director to play their favourite songs. When it’s done well, it’s brilliant. But when it’s done badly, it feels like they’re picking the most obvious songs, doing the cinematic equivalent of recommending you a great new place for coffee, a Starbucks. I’m not exagerrating the obviousness of the tracks. Here’s a selection:

I Fought The Law – The Clash. I mean, it’s a good song, but a little on the nose, don’t you think? I LOVE The Clash, but I realise that some of their songs are overused in media (one day, studios will realise that Londons Calling isn’t the only song with London in the title).

Don’t Stop Believing – Journey. This has been overused since Glee.

Breaking The Law – Judas Priest. Again, so obvious.

Wonderwall – Oasis. Jesus, what are you, a guy at a party with an acoustic guitar?

The only thing with less creative vision than the soundtrack is the script. I’ve heard the source material is REALLY good, and completely different from the film. I look forward to reading it, so I can also be annoyed at the changes they made. Lets face it, I have to be annoyed at one adaptation now that Disney+ has deleted Artemis Fowl. The script makes some weird choices. For example; the entire robot/human war is skipped over. Not “the film starts after the war”, the opening of the movie is set before the conflict, then the entire thing takes place via montage. They should have started after the war, that way THAT’S the world we’re in from the start. The way they do it makes TES feel like a sequel, with the opening montage being a summary of the first movie.

It’s also not good with how it handles the villain. I’m gonna be honest, I saw TES a few weeks ago, and I genuinely can’t remember the villain. Which I think says it all. I just remember them not being there for most of the film, so nothing had urgency. It felt like the characters were free to just walk around doing side quests.

TES also suffers from having no idea how to handle emotion. The death of Amherst should be a huge deal, as it is, if you sneeze you won’t notice he’s dead. The characters don’t seem to reflect on the moment, there’s no sense that their motivations or situation is changed by the death. It’s just something that happens.

Now, on the upside, the robots look AMAZING. Some of the other CGI is a bit ropey, but the robots themselves are brilliant. They all seem to have individual personalities, too. Weirdly, they feel the most real out of everything in this movie. The reveal of what they did to her brother is also suitably horrific and belongs in a much better movie.

Oh, on the subject of the brother. I’ll give the film kudos for filming their interactions in a way that makes it seem like the brother and sister DO share a bond, that they are close to each other. But…….and I’m not sure how to put this. Erm, it’s the wrong kind of closeness. They seem more like lovers than siblings (a note to Alabama; those are supposed to be different things). It’s weird and creepy.

It’s not the only “wait, that feels sexual” moment. Okay, so there’s a moment where two robots are fighting, and one grabs the other by the hat and pushes him down. It genuinely looks like he’s trying to force a blowjob. That, and only that, got a laugh out of me. It’s the only section where TES tickles me. I’m glad about that because it meant I got to use the phrase “TES tickles”, which sounds like testicles.

Shut up, this movie is fucking shit, at least let me enjoy something.

Until Dawn (2025) Review

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Quick Synopsis: Clover is on a road trip to find out what happened to her missing sister, she finds out. Her and her friends get trapped in a repetitive nightmare.

I’ve never played Until Dawn, but I have played some games by the same studio, which follow the same principles and guidelines. I genuinely love them, not just because I’m a fan of story-based games, but also because they’re interesting and have great accessibility options. A key part of those games is the notion that choices have consequences. Something as simple as “look at this poster” could be the difference between life and death. Importantly, you, as a player, have to live with the consequences of your actions. So it’s baffling that the main gimmick of the movie is that choices don’t matter because once you die, you reset into your original position.

Annoyingly, it doesn’t even do anything entertaining with that premise. When this has been done before, the characters die because of their mistakes, and learn from them to help them survive. Here, it feels like they’re being controlled to die, and there’s nothing they can do. For example, at one point, a character gets picked up by an invisible force and dragged into a building. What’s the lesson there? What can a character learn from that to avoid it? Similarly, there’s one set of deaths which is essentially “don’t drink tap water, you’ll explode”, which feels ridiculously unfair to the characters.

It feels like the movie itself gets bored of its own premise halfway through, with the characters waking up and realising they’ve died multiple times and can’t remember a lot of them (conveniently, the characters all forget the exact same ones). Why? How does this serve the plot? It seems like they only did that as an excuse to watch videos of previous deaths on someones phone, and cram in horror movie moments.

Which is another issue; this isn’t a story, it’s a series of moments from other horror movies that the filmmakers wanted to put in. It doesn’t settle on a tone or style that’s consistent throughout. It reminded me of Cabin In The Woods, but badly written.

The characters? They’re funny, I’ll give them that. But there are so many moments where they feel like movie characters instead of actual people. Some sentences uttered are only uttered by characters who are written; nobody responds as an actual human would respond. There’s also a weird sense of detachment. The characters quickly get used to the idea of dying and coming back, despite not knowing when their last life will be, so really, they could die at any point. There’s a moment when a character disappears, and I thought they were going to announce that she had died died, which would lead to everybody becoming less flippant with death, but nope, she’s just elsewhere. I’m not exaggerating when I say the characters treat death flippantly, at times they seem to welcome it. “fuck, stubbed my toe, guess I’ll die”. At one point, one of the characters flat-out murders one of her friends. That murder is never brought up again. If a friend drove a pickax into my stomach, I would find it hard to forgive them. Plus, can you imagine what it would be like if THAT life was the person’s final life? So their friend properly killed them and has to live with that knowledge, whilst also learning that their lives are finite.

Until Dawn is not completely terrible, though. The performances are fine, although it is hard to get past the feeling that they are discount versions of other actors; specifically, Rachel Weisz, Jenny Slate, Johnny Depp, and James McAvoy. It is weird how the film has objectively lesser-known actors than the game. The game had Remi Malek and Hayden Panettiere. Okay, this was before Bo Rhap, so Malek wasn’t a big name then, but it’s still strange.

Some of the kills are fun, and as much as I hated the explosion scene for what it did to the narrative, out of context, it was entertaining. There is a basis for a good idea here. But it needed more thought than it was given. I was really looking forward to this, and I can’t feel anything except disappointed.

Thunderbolts (2025) Review

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Quick Synopsis: A ragtag group of misfits join together to save the day. Yes, it’s been done.

Doctor Strange, released back in 2016, was the 14th movie of the MCU. Think of everything that happened between the release of Iron Man and the release of that. All the original Avengers had been introduced, they had met, teamed up, and split. Tony Stark stepped into a leadership role alongside Steve Rodgers, Thor learned how to step back and not be so pigheaded, the Captain America trilogy showed us something special. I’m saying that because Thunderbolts is the 14th movie since Endgame, it would be impossible to argue that the MCU has taken the same steps. Post-Endgame, it’s still struggling to find an identity or story arc. There’s also been a change in intentions; it used to be focused on “we’re going to tell stories”, and now it seems to be based more on moments. When people talk about Doctor Strange 2: More Strangerer, they often don’t talk about the story, what the characters went through, etc; they talk about the scene where Scarlet Witch kills multiverse versions of characters we want to see. Even Brave New World was focused almost entirely around the scene of Red Hulk (and then spoiled in the trailer, so what was the point of watching the movie?). Thunderbolts feels like a change from that. For the first time, there are no huge reveals that are there to bait the audience (except for the Fantastic Four reference in the post-credits scene, which was spoiled by the “Fantastic Four Theme” listed in the credits itself).

For the first time in a long time, it has genuine emotion and character development. It’s been marketed as being similar to Guardians Of The Galaxy, but to me it felt more like Winter Soldier. Importantly, it feels mature. Even the way the villain is defeated is different from the usual superhero fare. It could be argued that Thunderbolts isn’t even about the villain, not really. It’s about depression, trauma, and youth football (of the non-US variety). It feels like an actual honest-to-god movie, rather than just a comic book movie.

It’s not perfect. There are a few moments which reveal things much earlier than the film intends. This isn’t a criticism of foreshadowing, I love that shit. But there are moments where you realise, “Okay, well, Marvel would never do the thing they want us to think they’ve done, which means there’s no threat in this scene” It’s hard to explain the specifics without spoilers. Also, I find it unrealistic that Bucky Barnes would be nominated as a congressman. Not because he has killed multiple people, including JFK, and the Starks. Not because you can never be truly certain if he’ll kill again. But because he has a definitive history of being anti-Nazi, that just won’t fly in modern America.

I liked how grounded this film felt. This is a weird thing to say about a film that features a character who is basically Superman. But it felt relatively small, in a good way. They weren’t saving the world from an extinction-level event. They were nipping a local event in the bud before it became a problem. This was superheroing as prevention rather than reaction. When people are in danger, it’s not directly because of the villain, but because of the side effects of what he did. The biggest threat to human life, the scenes which feature the most near-deaths, are focused around one helicopter crash; it flies into a building, causing structural damage, and that damage rains down onto civilians below. I love that. I also like when it allowed my favourite superhero cliche to happen; characters running towards danger while everyone else runs away. That image in the Justice League trailer was what sold Affleck as Batman to me, and I love it when it’s repeated.

As I said, a really solid script. But none of that would be worth a shot glass of monkey glass (what the fuck?) if the performers weren’t up to it. Why isn’t Wyatt Russell a bigger deal? Seriously, if you showed someone a photo of him, or one of his performances, they would assume he’s a big deal, someone who producers and directors have to fight to get to lead their movies because they know he’ll make them a success. He just FEELS like a star. I mean, he’s still highly regarded, but it genuinely baffles me how no studio has worked out a way to make him a household name. Florence Pugh is great, and her accent barely wavers, same with David Harbour, but he’s let down by a few moments where his character showcases the worst of Marvel screenwriting; badly timed quips. I will always love seeing Julia Louis-Dreyfus on screen, same with Geraldine Viswanathan. The two of them have weirdly good chemistry for two performers who I don’t think have worked together before; they could easily lead a sitcom or road trip comedy together.

In summary, one of the strongest MCU films in a while, and sets up enough dominoes for future movies to knock down.

The Accountant 2 (2025) Review

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Quick Synopsis: Forensic accountant Christian Wolff teams up with his estranged but highly lethal brother to track down mysterious assassins.

I watched the first movie in the cinema when it came out. Now here’s everything I can remember from it:

  1. Ben Affleck played an autistic person who shot people.
  2. He had a brother.
  3. It was called The Accountant.

That’s it. I don’t remember particularly disliking it, but nothing stood out. It’s why I was so confused when a sequel was announced. Was anybody really asking for a 2025 sequel to a forgotten 2016 film? More importantly, how lost will I be if I can’t remember anything?

Turns out, not that lost. It doesn’t feel like a continuation of the first one as much as a different story. There’s an incident referred to many times, which I assume was the end of the first movie, but it’s otherwise relatively standalone. I’m assuming this is better than the first, because I thoroughly enjoyed this. I had one MAJOR issue, which I’ll go into later. But otherwise, it was a lot of fun. Affleck and Bernthal have great chemistry. There are so many small moments between the two which help add to their relationship. I’m not sure whether they were in the script or whether it was due to the performers themselves, but during the action scenes towards the end, they wordlessly communicate. Not the way you’d expect, which is normally hand gestures to indicate direction. Instead, there are subtle “I’m here” brushes on the back as they pass each other in battle.

There are other cast members, but they’re all definite supporting artists in the double-act of Affleck and Bernthal. Some return from the first movie (not that I remember them), and some are new. They’re fine, but none of them would be missed if they weren’t in the third one, with one exception. She’s not in it much, but I adored Allison Robertson as Justine. She has no spoken dialogue (unless the synthesised voice is hers), but her character is wonderful, and since she’s not a secret like the first one, we get to see more of her this time. She’s joined by (there’s no other way of putting this) an army of autistic tech genius kids. I loved that whole section. Not only because the kids were fun and operated as a group effectively and believably, but also because it actually backs up Affleck’s character, you can tell he would have loved to have had a community like that growing up, so he’s doing everything he can to help them.

Now onto my main issue: the plot. There’s no polite way of saying this, it’s a mess. It makes sense, there are no massive plot holes, and it’s not confusing. It’s just incredibly superfluous. I’ve seen games on the SNES with a better plot. A lot of times, you don’t really get a feel for what’s driving the narrative forward, nothing seems important, and until the final section, the stakes seem low. It never feels like the narrative is what’s driving the characters and plot, and it’s really hard to get invested.

Somehow it still works. The characters are likeable enough that you can look past the plot that’s thinner than my patience. It’s difficult to be bored when you’re as entertained as you are here. There’s no “best scenes ever”, but there are a lot of very cute and wonderful moments. Whether it’s the line dancing scene (which is actually a really good character piece for a wordless dance scene), the speed-dating opener where Affleck’s character attracts a long queue of women and then slowly annoys every single one of them, or the pay-off to the cat comment. It’s a likeable, charming film, and one which you’ll be hard-pressed to not enjoy.

Warfare (2025) Review

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Quick synopsis: A surveillance mission goes wrong for a platoon of American Navy SEALs in insurgent territory in Iraq.

I’m still not entirely sure how I felt about Warfare (the movie, not the general concept). On the one hand, it is a superbly crafted experience, one that puts you in the shoes of those who were there, a real treat for those who are interested in modern warfare. On the other hand, it’s incredibly dull at times, and is so focused on being realistic and well-researched, it seems to forget that not everybody knows military terms.

I will praise Warfare (again, the movie, not the general concept, I’m not about to “big up” genocide, I’m not a politician) for how research permeates through the screen. People react realistically, and I will praise it for showing how even well-trained professionals still find it difficult to cope. This is the kind of masculinity that should be taught; the strength to know when you’re too fucked up and broken to be at your best, and how during those times you should relinquish leadership roles. They also have no qualms about screaming in agony and crying. Yes, this is natural when you’ve lost your legs. But think of how many films have shown people suffer severe physical damage, and don’t seem to emotionally respond to it. Warfare shows fear, and it shows pain. It’s disappointing that something so simple should be praised, but it should.

Sadly, that realism also means it can be difficult for people to “buy in” to the narrative. Army speak is kind of a code at times, people are referred to almost entirely by what type of soldier they are, and those names sometimes don’t give you a lot of clues as to what they actually do. Because everybody knows what they’re doing, they don’t explain it. So you often have someone say something like “okay, meet the Yorkshire Puddings at 06 to coordinate a Flipped Fletcher, and don’t forget your oily shepherd, you never know when you might meet a sleeping zebra”, but not give any clues what those terms mean (obviously not those ones, I invented them).

One of the most frustrating aspects is that it’s a war film without purpose. There are no moral quandaries or discussions. Which is odd considering they break into someone’s house and force the families who live there to let them stay there, pointing guns at their faces if they even look like objecting. Near the end, once the soldiers leave, the families are traumatised, and you know that there’s no chance the US army will compensate them for destroying their house, and they’re now targets for the Iraqis because they may be seen as helping the invasion. Despite this, we’re still supposed to support the main characters, because they’re the main characters. But outside of that, it’s difficult to feel more for them. They’re not given enough chance to show any personality, and most are interchangeable. Movies like this depend on personal connection to the characters, but Warfare is so insistent on telling its truth, it forgets to adhere to basic storytelling devices, which would allow us to care.

As a concept? This is fascinating. As an art project? Worthwhile. As a narrative feature-length movie to sit in a cinema and watch? Unfortunately, it’s difficult to recommend. Yes, it’s real, but there’s a reason most films don’t feature scenes highlighting a character pissing in a bottle.

A Minecraft Movie (2025) Review

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Quick Synopsis: A mysterious portal pulls four misfits into the Overworld, a bizarre, cubic wonderland that thrives on imagination. To get back home, they’ll have to master the terrain while embarking on a magical quest with an unexpected crafter named Steve.

I will preface this review by pointing out that I’ve never played Minecraft. Plus, despite spending a lot of my time online, I don’t really integrate myself with online culture; I’m not really someone who pays attention to trends and memes, etc. I’m not actively opposed to them, I just don’t really give a shit. Essentially, I view most TikTok trends not with disdain, but with boredom. That’s pretty much how I viewed A Minecraft Movie (AMM, pronounced aaaaaaaaaaaaarm for no reason whatsoever except that I want to pronounce it that way). I get what they were going for, but it didn’t appeal to me.

Part of it may be that I’m getting slightly bored of Jack Blacks shtick now. Dear Santa and Borderlands, I have pushed him out of the good graces portion of my brain, and I’m beginning to realise how similar all of his performances have been lately, like he’s coasting. It doesn’t help that I couldn’t get past the notion that it might have made more sense if he and Momoa swapped roles. You have two characters; one is a former video game champion with no prospects and tries to coast on his charm, reliving his glory days through video games and metal music. Doesn’t it seem like Jack Black should play him? As it is, he plays the other adult character, but plays him exactly the same way he plays every character, which would have suited the aforementioned character better.

I was also puzzled by the opening. It establishes that Steve was a child who wanted to mine, a child who grew older and bored with life, then, as an adult, felt the yearning again and went back into the mine, finding himself transported to the Overworld. While there, he becomes a master baiter, expertly baiting a wolf to become his friend. More importantly, he builds a lot of cool shit, and pisses off the gold-obssesed leader of another dimension. Now, what became of the life of real-world Steve? Nobody cares. No mention of his workplace, wondering where his child went, no town legends about someone going missing. There’s not even much of a mention of how long he’s been gone. I’m going to do this a lot in this review (possibly), but compare it to Jumaji. Where he went missing as a child (which makes a lot more sense), this allowed the film a justification for him being so well-versed in the world. Jumanji also showed how that disappearance haunted the people left behind, which never happens here with Steve. I know there’s a possibility that this happened like that because “that’s how it happened in the game”, but it still feels odd, very first draft.

Generally, I was left feeling with a sense of boredom throughout, no more than at the end, where they do the traditional music montage with text showing what happened to everybody. Big issue: the song is kind of dull. It “rocks” with a small R, in much the same way Bryan Adams does. Actually, that’s unfair to Bryan Adams; it “rocks” in the same way as Sting does. Not asking for a piece of musical greatness that would echo through the ages, but at least make it so I can remember.

All of this hurts more because it is generally a likeable movie. Momoa is clearly having fun, Emma Myers is fine but not notable, and Jennifer Coolidge continues to be incredibly reliable, the type of performer you can give 5 minutes to, and they’ll be some of the most entertaining 5 minutes you’ll see. The visuals are fun, and the action scenes have a sense of logic to them that’s missing in a lot of similar films. Plus, there are some funny jokes and moments in there (a lot of them provided by Danielle Brooks, who’s one of the few people who seem suitably freaked out).

It really should be better, though. It’s ironic that a film about the importance of creativity should be so pedestrian and uninspiring. THAT’S my issue. The concept has potential, and the film never comes within eyesight of it.

Sinners (2025) Review

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Quick Synopsis: From Dusk Till Dawn, but as a 30’s gangster movie with a black cast.

I went into this after seeing the trailer, but forgot what the trailer was like. I saw a post on Facebook saying it was a vampire horror movie. For about 40 minutes, I wondered if I had seen a post about a different movie. It wasn’t a horror movie, it wasn’t a vampire movie, it was a gangster flick about two brothers using money stolen from Chicago mobs to start up a bar. It had interesting character work, a lot of subtle references to the brothers’ past misdeeds, and how they acquired the money. It asked a lot of questions that the audience will want answered; the main one being what led to the opening scene, where Sammie (played by Miles Caton in his screen debut) stumbles into his father’s church, battered and bloody, desperate for comfort, only to see his father use him as an example in a sermon. Just when I began to doubt my own memory, the vampires made their first appearance. It’s a great genre switch, reminded me of From Dusk Till Dawn, only with less scenes of the writer sucking on an actresses toes to fulfil their own fetish.

I think I preferred this to Dusk; it’s much slower, and that glacial pace will be divisive, putting off a lot of people. It’s also not as bloody, but it does do something that the aforementioned Dawn never manages; it wowed me. There’s a scene in Sinners where Sammie plays his song at the bar. The song is so powerful that it connects across space and time, with spirits of the past and future joining in; electric guitars played Hendrix style join in with music from hundreds of years ago, and dances from different cultures, showing how music connects everybody. I’ve already written its nomination for best scene in the end-of-year awards. From a storytelling perspective, from a technical perspective (it’s a LOOOONG mostly unbroken shot), from a musical perspective, it’s all brilliant. I hate people who talk at the cinema, but I couldn’t help let out a gasp of “that was fucking cinema” when I saw it. I’m so glad it’s not just me. I’ve seen a lot of people online mention how much they loved that moment, and if you see it, it’s easy to see why. The mass sing-along to “Rocky Road Of Dublin” (which I always assumed Dropkick Murphys wrote, obviously not) is a few steps below it in terms of quality, but is just as powerful, and MUCH more terrifying.

Scenes like that, which show not only the power of music, but also the shared experiences between black and Irish immigrants (albeit, at two VASTLY different levels for most of American history) show just how smart Sinners is. The characters are just as smart. When a friend-turned-vampire starts asking for permission to enter the bar, the characters question why they suddenly need to ask permission. When they’re not sure who’s been bitten, they gather round and each eat a clove of garlic (in a scene very reminiscent of The Thing). The characters don’t die due to their own stupidity; they die because they’re overpowered, overmanned, and don’t know everything. Except for the klan members at the end, they die because they realised their blood can help the grass grow, and by dying they can actually provide some use for once in their pathetic fucking lives. I know, I’m anti-KKK, so controversial.

Sinners is not a perfect movie, but you have to be very picky to find those faults. It’s probably the best film I’ve seen this year. It’s not my favourite, but it is undoubtedly the most impressive, and the one closest to perfection. Cooglar is fantastic and cannot receive enough praise for the work he’s done, not just here, but throughout his whole career. Long may it continue.