Tag: Death Of A Unicorn

2025 Film Awards: Day Five

On By troubledproductionsIn AwardsLeave a comment

Most Disappointing

Nominees

Havoc

The Raid is a modern classic, Tom Hardy is one of the top performers around, and who doesn’t love seeing Timothy Olyphant in stuff? I remember being incredibly frustrated in the build-up to this, not with the film itself, but with the lack of information or a concrete release date. I was really looking forward to it, and was desperate for it to be released so I could finally watch what I was sure would be one of my favourite films of the year. It’s not. It’s not outright bad, but it’s incredibly forgettable. There’s nothing about it that stands out.

Love Hurts

Maybe this is my fault for expecting something similar to Everything, Everywhere, All At Once. Not in terms of depth, but in terms of fight scenes. That’s on me. What’s not on me is just how bland this is. What’s worse is that you can tell they’re really trying. That’s less annoying than if nobody cared, but it is more disappointing. You can tell there’s a great movie somewhere in the depths, but it never reaches it.

Matt And Mara

I love romantic comedies, and I love dialogue-heavy low-budget films. Matt and Mara just didn’t work for me, though. I think it’s because I didn’t care about the characters or their relationship. Romantic comedies only work when the audience wants the characters to be together before the characters realise it. Defenders may argue that this isn’t technically a romantic comedy, but that’s clearly the vibes it was going for; one of missed maybes and overlooked opportunities.

Nosferatu

I should have liked this. I like dark and weird. But for whatever reason, this left me cold—not in a “this is too horrific” way but in a “yeah, I don’t actually care anymore” way. The only thing stopping me from spending half the film looking at my watch was that my watch had broken. I would have enjoyed that more.

Saturday Night

I REALLY wanted to like this more than I did. It just felt more like a love letter than an actual story. It was created more for the sake of the creators than it was for the audience. I’m not saying creators need to cater solely to audiences, but you need to be aware of them. It’s clear that Reitman has a great affection for the era, but he never gives the audience a clear reason to share that affection.

Wake Up Dead Man: A Knives Out Mystery

It’s weird to put a film that was in the top 10 of the year in this category. But normally, these films are in the top 3, so it definitely feels like a step down.

Winner

Death Of A Unicorn

A film starring Paul Rudd, with a ridiculous premise, a fast-paced trailer, and an opening full of silly, light-hearted jokes. Maybe my expectations for it to be silly and fun weren’t all just me being stupid. I get that sometimes films need messages, and it was possible to portray messages in films like this, but the way it’s handled here is terrible. There’s no sense of fun or joy to any of this. It tries to be The Menu, but ends up being more like a shoddily photocopied discount flyer posted through your door.

Most Surprising

Nominees

Deep Cover

An Amazon Prime original, starring the lead from Argylle, directed by someone mainly known for television. Yeah, my hopes were not high. If you think about it too much, the whole plot falls apart. But whilst you’re watching? It’s an utter delight. This isn’t among my favourite films of the year, but it is one I will watch again, and which I will recommend to people if they have a Prime account.

Fackham Hall

A British comedy released with ZERO marketing in the run-up to Christmas? Screams success. Plus, it’s written by Jimmy Carr, who is very funny, but also makes questionable decisions for his career (Hosting the “top 100 blah de blah” on Channel 4 early in his career? Fine. Going to the Saudi comedy festival in 2025? Nah). Plus, I don’t really give a shit about the genre it’s spoofing, I’ve avoided stuff like Downton Abbey, etc., because they don’t interest me in the slightest. Yet this works. It’s so funny that it broke my brain and made me look for comedy in the next film I saw.

Heads Of State

Very similar to what I wrote for Deep Cover. I love Idris Elba, but he does have a habit of occasionally choosing shit films to be in. This isn’t one of them. His chemistry with John Cena is key to this working, and I want to see them in more. I’m not saying they should remake Lethal Weapon with those two, but they should remake Lethal Weapon with those two.

Winner

Last Breath

I was genuinely disappointed when I finished this film. Not with the film itself, but with how bad the marketing was. Well, I assume their was marketing, it was just done in a way that I never saw any of it. I had a vague idea of what it was about, and that Woody was in it. I didn’t even know it was based on a true story, and that it was set in Britain rather than America. So I was pleasantly surprised by just how damn good this is. It’s everything you want from a movie like this; it’s tense, it’s brilliantly made, and it’s paced well enough that you never get bored. It helps that the characters are believable. There’s not really a villain; there are just people who have to make REALLY tough choices.

I Don’t Get It

Nominees

Matt And Mara (RT Score: 87%)

I genuinely did not give a shit about these characters. Individually, they were fine, but when they were together, they became insufferable. To paraphrase (I’m not confident enough to state it’s a direct quote), It’s Always Sunny: this isn’t will-they/won’t-they. This is I know they won’t, and I hope they never do.

Silent Night, Deadly Night (RT Score: 77%)

Similar to what I’ll say about Toxic Avenger; too bleak, stopped caring. The fact that the victims were all terrible people does not absolve the movie. If anything, the “Yes, we killed these people, but trust us, they were horrid” approach is so transparent you wouldn’t dare use it as a bathroom door. It also means you cheer the serial killer. There’s no horror with the brutality; there’s celebration.

Toxic Avenger (RT Score: 87%)

I feel like the reasons people like this are the same reasons why I dislike it. The tone, the deliberate shoddiness, the needless ultraviolence, etc. It didn’t feel like some of the choices were for budgetary reasons, but more like they were designed to make it look like they were made for budgetary reasons. The cinematic equivalent of pre-torn clothes.

Urchin (RT Score: 96%

Imagine if Bojack Horseman had zero charm and no jokes. It was just a drug-addicted mess fucking everything up and blaming everybody else for it. How quickly would that get frustrating?

Winner

Nosferatu (RT Score: 85%)

Obviously, this was going to win. It was pretty much destined to win from the moment I saw it. I have almost zero positive recollections of this movie. Everything about it either frustrated me or bored me.

Well I Liked It

Nominees

M3gan 2.0 (RT Score: 57%)

That’s an insultingly low score. This is a flawed movie (I genuinely figured out the villain reveal and his motivations within a second of them being introduced), but it’s also a lot of fun. It’s tonally different from the first one, but also feels like a natural progression of the story.

Snow White (RT Score: 37%)

I am in no way saying this was a good movie. But the vitriol it received was far beyond what it deserves; you’d think this movie literally killed children. There’s no way that this deserves to receive as many Razzie nominations as War Of The Worlds, which was one of the worst films I’ve ever seen. Snow White is, at worst, mediocre.

Winner

The Roses (RT Score: 64%)

Nope, I refuse to accept that. I know a lot of people who have seen this, people with varying cinematic tastes and opinions, and they’ve all liked this. It’s hilarious, dark, and has one of the best endings I’ve seen in a long time. 67% is not a failure, but it’s still much lower than it deserves to be. That’s only 12% higher than Weekend At Bernies.

Worst Movie

Nominees

Everything here

Winner

War Of The Worlds

My fear is that I come off too negative. I don’t want that. I read a lot of wrestling reviews where it feels like they hate everything; they seem bitter and annoyed. I don’t want to be like that. I want my love of film to still come through; it’s why I prefer talking about films I love rather than ones I hate. When I left the cinema after watching Eternity, I messaged 5 different people telling them about it. War Of The Worlds? That’s the ONLY film I felt negatively enough that I told people about it unprompted. That’s how bad this movie is; it made me impolite. I’ve never seen a film as stupid, badly written, corporate shilling, and lazy as this. Everything about this is terrible.

Best Movie

Nominees

Everything here

Winner

If I’m being honest, it was always down to three films. A Real Pain, Sinners, and Eternity. Then, whilst going through the end-of-year roundups, I discounted A Real Pain. Don’t get me wrong, it’s incredible, but it’s clearly more flawed than the other two. So down to Sinners and Eternity. One of which has received more Oscar nominations than any film in history, one of which I’ve not even seen anybody mention. It’s incredibly close; it’s the first time I’ve considered co-winners. Then I remembered Five Nights At Freddy’s 2. Trust me, I am going somewhere with this. After leaving the cinema for that, I read that there was a mid-credits scene that’s incredibly important to the narrative. That annoyed me. If a scene is that important, it shouldn’t be mid-credits. But Sinners has that. So can I really give “Best Movie” to a film which does something I’ve criticised another film for?

Then I thought: fuck it, yes I can.

Winner – Sinners

It has one of the best scenes I’ve ever seen. A scene so good it almost made me rude. I said semi-loud “This is fucking cinema”. No film has had that effect on me, has felt as earth-shattering as this has. So it has to win. Fun fact: I genuinely still had Eternity winning until about 3 minutes ago.

2025 In Film: Day Five (Meh)

On By troubledproductionsIn Year round upLeave a comment

Black Bag
Ups: Tense
Good performances.
Well paced.
The leads have good chemistry. Every second they spend on screen together you get the feeling they’re just one sentence away from stripping off and fucking each other right there.
Downs: Has a weird look to it. The whole thing looks like you’ve just come out of a swimming pool laced with chlorine and you’re staring at street lights.
The central mystery isn’t that intriguing.
Best Performer: Fassbender.
Best Moment: The first dinner party. Dinner parties are always fun to watch on screen due to how characters react to them. And this is a good example of that.
Worst Moment: The polygraph scene goes on a few moments too long.
Opening: George is told there’s been a leak, his wife has been suspected. I assumed the film would lead up to that, but nope, happens almost immediately.
Closing: The leaker is discovered, and their body is dumped over the river. Really the only way it could end. Something about it feels anticlimactic though. Like it’s not an ending, it’s just stuff that happens.
Best Line: If she’s in trouble, even of her own making, I will do everything in my power to extricate her, no matter what that means. You understand?
Original review here

Dangerous Animals.
Ups: Creepy at times.
Good performances.
Unique idea.
Always fun to see horror movies set during the day.
Downs: Repeats itself too much.
Wastes its potential.
Really should be 20 minutes shorter.
Best Performer: Hassie Harrison
Best Moment: The death of Heather. Absolutely brutal.
Worst Moment: Zephyr almost reaches land. One fake-out too much.
Opening: Two tourists go on a boat so they can swim with sharks. They’re then killed, with a knife. Wonderful way to subvert expectations. Up until the murder, it feels like a romantic comedy.
Closing: Tucker dies. I wanted to see more, how did the world react to the revelation of what he did?
Original review here

Death Of A Unicorn
Ups: Violent.
Fun performances.
Original.
Downs: Too serious.
Too unsubtle.
Unbelievable characters.
Best Performer: Will Poulter
Best Moment: The death of Odell.
Worst Moment: The first scientist’s death, only because it was edited better in the trailer.
Opening: Rudd and Ortega on a plane. Very comedic and fun. So totally at odds with the rest of the film.
Closing: The unicorns run police off the road. Pretty sure the cops will have dashboard cameras so will be recording that, which means the unicorns are about to be public knowledge.
Best Line: And here’s hoping we kill Bigfoot on the way back
Original review here

Lilo And Stitch
Ups: Looks incredible.
I like Billy Magnussen in it. I know some people hate it because “it’s different from the original”, but he’s a great comedic actor, who’s amazing at seeming like he’s not fully human.
Incredibly sweet.
Downs: Doesn’t go quite as heartwarming as it could at times.
Best Performer: Sydney Elizabeth Agudong. Although Maia Kealoha is close.
Best Moment: Stitch at the animal shelter. Very funny.
Worst Moment: Dr. Jumba’s heel turn, feels forced.
Opening: Stitch is being investigated. Not how I would have opened it. Mainly because it seems weird to open a live-action adaptation of an animated movie with a scene that’s mostly CGI. Feels like you’d want to showcase the filming locations.
Closing: Nani leaves for university. Not as bad as it seems at first glance, she has a teleporter so can return home. But lacks any opportunity to be heartwarming.
Best Line: Sometimes family isn’t perfect. That doesn’t mean they aren’t good.
Original review here

Opus
Ups: Incredibly unsettling at times.
Sublime music.
Good performances.
Downs: The narrative switch happens too quickly and drastically.
Best Performer: Ayo Edeberi
Best Moment: The switch. I’m not a fan of how sudden it was, but the actual moment itself was brilliant.
Worst Moment: The death of Bill. Actually a lot of the deaths. They feel neutered.
Opening: Sets up how important the musician is. I like it. It didn’t just TELL us he’s a big deal, it showed us; his music, his talk show performances, his fans. It all feels real.
Closing: “haha you caught me but that was my plan all along”. I don’t know why, but for some reason this didn’t vibe with me. It just didn’t work or land the way it was intended.
Original review here

The Amateur
Ups: Delightful kills.
Smart.
It’s nice to see people be good at their job.
Downs: Feels like it’s wasting Remi Malek
Sometimes seems like it forgets its own sub-plots
Bland characters.
Best Performer: Malek
Best Moment: The swimming pool death. There’s a reason it was featured so heavily in the trailer.
Worst Moment: “She’s not there”, mainly because it feels like a waste. Malek can give emotional monologues, and whilst the scene doesn’t NEED more than that line, it could have been an all-timer if it had more.
Opening: Charlie is attempting to fix up a plane just as his wife is preparing to leave for London. Everything about her character and their interactions screams “Dead girl walking”.
Closing: Henderson survives, somehow.
Best Line: I came here to face my wife’s killer. To look him in the eyes, and tell him she mattered. Sarah mattered.
Original review here

The Bad Guys 2
Ups: Some nice animation.
Good vocal performances.
Puts more effort into space shuttle launch than it needed to.
Downs: Inconsistent rules when it comes to the rules of the universe.
Misses multiple chances to be better.
Best Performer: Sam Rockwell.
Best Moment: When the spaceship crashes. Very brief, but got SUCH a loud reaction.
Worst Moment: The wrestling match. It’s weird how this film can open with a heist/chase that makes such great use of space and logistics, and then forgets that they’ve shown us how big the wrestling ring is, and you can’t run for more than a second without hitting the ropes.
Opening: Heist! A really well-crafted one actually, showing you what their skills are instead of telling you.
Closing: The Bad Guys are secret agents. Sets up a sequel well, but also closes the narrative of this one. So a sequel isn’t necessary, but it would make sense if there was one.
Best Line: You want to work at a bank?
Why not? Some of my best memories are in banks.
You robbed us three times.
[sheepishly] That was this bank?
Original review here

The End
Ups: Atmospheric.
Depressingly relevant.
Downs: Waaaaay too long.
The songs aren’t that memorable.
Emotional beats aren’t followed up on.
Best Performer: Moses Ingram
Best Moment: The new years eve celebrations. So much repression coming to surface.
Worst Moment: Weird choice, but I’m going to go with a moment that’s not there. We go from a really intense argument between two characters, to an unspecified time in the future where they have a child together. We don’t see the inbetween.
Opening: Mother wakes up. For a musical, there’s a lot of silence.
Closing: Son and Girl (that’s their actual names in the script by the way) have an emotionally charged argument, then we skip to some time in the future and they have a baby together.
Original review here

The Last Showgirl
Ups: Good performances.
Unique look.
Emotionally brutal
Downs: Everything good about it has been done MUCH better by other films.
Feels low budget.
Best Performer: Pamela Anderson. She’s genuinely the best thing about this movie.
Best Moment: Her audition.
Worst Moment: Shelly’s argument with Jodie. Feels fake and overly set-up.
Opening: The character performs an audition. Very nervous, and obviously lying about her age. Anderson is best known for essentially being Ms. Fanservice in the 90’s. So to see her so emotionally naked and visually honest in the opening scene? Shows you what it’s going to be.
Closing: She gives her final performance at the show.
Best Line: Feeling seen, feeling beautiful, that is powerful. And I can’t imagine my life without it.
Original review here

The Rule Of Jenny Penn
Ups: Some creative visuals.
Noteworthy performances.
Original.
Downs: Takes a bit too long to get to the point.
The title is kind of shit.
Repeats itself too much.
Best Performer: John Lithgow
Best Moment: The catheter torture scene is painful to watch.
Worst Moment: Him kicking him under the table, mainly because at least one member of staff would have noticed.
Opening: Rush (the actor, not the prog band) is sentencing someone, and does it with a blistering speech that only a seasoned performer could do. He then becomes shockingly cruel towards the mother of the victims and collapses due to a stroke. Some quite trippy camera work but feels a little bit too arthouse.
Closing: The nursing home is peaceful due to the death. Kind of nice, but I’d have liked to have seen more focus on the immediate aftermath. For one thing, how did the staff react? That’s actually a huge problem in this, the staff feel invisible except when they want to get in the way.
Best Line: “My exposure to rugby has largely been limited to watching its players dodge rape charges”
Original review here

The Smashing Machine
Ups: Effectively displays the physical turmoil that life takes on you.
Tense.
Shows that The Rock can actually act.
Downs: Doesn’t capture the time well.
Skips over too much.
Glacial pace.
One bad performance.
Best Performer: The Rock
Best Moment: Hospital recovery. So much subtext.
Worst Moment: His time in rehab. Mainly because it’s not actually there.
Opening: His first fight. Violent, and real.
Closing: The real Mark Kerr walking around a supermarket. Bit weird.
Original review here

Death Of A Unicorn (2024) Review

On By troubledproductionsIn ReviewLeave a comment

Quick synopsis: Paul Rudd kills a unicorn, briefly.

Oh, this hurts, not quite as much as being impaled by a unicorn horn, but it still hurts. Death Of A Unicorn (DOAU, pronounced Dow, to rhyme with cow) has been one of the films I’ve looked forward to most this year (alongside the new Knives Out). The title, the premise, the cast, everything about it would lead you to believe it’s going to be incredibly fun.

It’s not. That’s the big problem, it’s so po-faced it’s practically a Teletubby. Maybe that’s my fault. I foolishly assumed that a Paul Rudd film about a unicorn killing millionaires would be fun, that’s on me. It’s far too serious. The seriousness isn’t quite as ruinous as it was for Night Swim, but it does leave a bad taste in the mouth.

Just because it’s not fun, doesn’t mean it’s not dumb, but that stupidity comes mainly from character decisions. Characters do things purely to advance the plot, with no call for logic or consistent characterisation. I did appreciate the satirical nature of it, even though the “the real monster is capitalism” message is as subtle as a brick with the words “message!” smashed into your face repeatedly. The rich people don’t come as real, and not in a way that actual rich people don’t, they appear overly written with every bit of dialogue feels like it was written solely to say “these people are dicks”, rather than “how would an actual human (or rich business owner), respond to this?”. As such, they’re too ridiculous to take seriously, more like caricatures than characters.

That’s not to say that DOAU is without its charms. The performances are great, Will Poulter, in particular, is quickly becoming one of the most versatile performers in the world. I’ve been a fan of him since I first saw Son Of Rambow, and no matter what role he’s given, he always manages to make you believe it. He’s next going to be seen in Alex Garland’s Warfare, and I have no doubt he will nail it. Richard E. Grant continues to be a lot of fun, clearly relishing every syllable he speaks or movement he makes. Ortega continues to do what she does, she’s got a real handle on that character and plays it well.

I also loved how shockingly violent it was. Yes, there’s one death that’s actually less effective in the finished film than it was in the trailer, but mostly? It’s violent fun. The horn deaths aren’t quick or painless, they’re slow and brutal, almost as if they’re being done for revenge rather than animalistic instincts. The unicorns themselves are great characters; they’re original, yet tie into the mythology that we already know. They’re not “We’ve taken these creatures and turned them dark and angry”, they’re “Yeah, these creatures have always been like this, they’ve got fucking horns, obviously they’re violent”.

In summary, it’s so mediocre that it’s disappointing. It’s also far too boring for a film with this premise. But it’s worth a watch at least one, maybe. Weirdly, I would watch it as a musical, and I have no idea why that is, I just think it could work.