Well I Liked It
Films which I liked, but others didn’t, whether it’s reviews or the general public.
Thor: Love And Thunder (RT Score: 64, Metacritic: 57)
It’s weird, a few years ago Marvel films were all overrated, being described as “the best films ever, they should win Oscars” but now it feels like the opposite has happened, and they’re being looked down on by Marvel fans. A lot of the time it basically comes down to one of two things:
It didn’t have things the audience expected it to. This was especially prevalent for Multiverse Of Madness, in which I’ve seen people genuinely annoyed that Tom Cruise wasn’t in it as an alternate version of Iron Man. There was zero indication he was ever going to be, but that doesn’t matter, these guys heard someone say it on the internet and expected it to be true.
“Too woke”. Which basically means, “It has a woman in it and she’s not overly sexualised or a damsel in distress”
I actually liked this, yeah it’s not the best film ever but it’s not the total piece of shit that some fans say it is. It has genuine emotion and deep themes. Plus the child actor is actually adorable to watch.
Death On The Nile (RT Score: 62, Metacritic: 52)
I don’t get the bile people have for this film. Is it great? Nope, and it’s definitely not as good as the first one, but it’s not terrible. Yes, the CGI for the backgrounds is lacking, but it is an entertaining film to watch. Other films did similar things better, but that doesn’t mean this isn’t a good film. Just because chocolate cake exists and is delicious, doesn’t mean eclairs aren’t good too.
Bullet Train (RT Score: 54, Metacritic: 49)
This genuinely baffles me. This is a fantastic film, featuring some of the best action scenes you’ll likely to see. It also has a great soundtrack, is very funny, and has some really good performances. It’s over 2 hours long (including credits) but doesn’t feel it. Is the low score based on the fact it’s a bit sweary? I’d settle for a 7-8 out of 10 for this, but for it to be rated SO low by critics is disappointing. I’m guessing critics just hate fun things.
I Don’t Get It
Men (RT Score; 69 [nice], Metacritic: 65)
Not a fan for one reason and one reason only; I’m not really a fan of weird mood pieces. It set up a plot and depended on the weirdness and mood to carry it through. I wanted to have some idea and grounding as to why it was happening. I don’t need my hand held for every little thing, but I want some idea of the reality.
Licorice Pizza (RT Score: 91, Metacritic: 90)
This got a lot of love from people. Some people truly loved it and considered it a masterpiece. It also did very well in terms of award nominations. It’s just, I personally couldn’t get past the ages of the people involved. A love story between a 15-year-old and a 25-year-old is not something I want to see, I just find it gross.
Chip N Dale: Rescue Rangers
I had every expectation that this would actually be terrible, turned out to be one the funniest films of the year. It’s incredibly self-aware, and much smarter than you’d think. It’s on par with The Lego Movie in how entertaining it is. Ordinarily, I’d be worried whether my nostalgia is clouding my judgement, whether my growing up on it means that I’m either predisposed to loving this movie because “hey, these characters existed when I had hope, that means they’re good”, or alternatively, it would make me hate it because “His eye colour is Egyptian Blue in the original, here it’s Persian Blue, worst film ever!”. I can safely say that’s not the case because I never watched these characters as a child, and as such, couldn’t give a shit.
“Oh boy, a remake of an 80’s Chevy Chase movie, this is going to be good,” said nobody. Remakes are generally not good. Especially not remakes that are pushed out with zero advertising. It was just kind of put out there for a week. It had all the hallmarks of a film that the studio was ashamed of. I don’t get that, it’s a lot of fun to watch, has a decent story, and has genuine franchise potential. It got really good reviews both from reviewers and audiences. So it feels like a case of “those who watched it, liked it, but not many people watched it”.
Everything, Everywhere, All At Once
I like trailers. I don’t obsess over them and watch them desperate for details. But if I’m about to see something, I will usually watch a trailer beforehand just so I know what to expect. I purposely didn’t do that with this. I had somehow landed myself in a situation where I heard almost nothing about this. All I know was “something to do with multiverses” and “it’s very good”. I was kind of excited to go in knowing that little. I prepared for something very good, and what I got was something incredible. I expected it to be good, but I didn’t expect to fall in love with it as much as I did.
Orphan: First Kill
The first one is a, well, “modern classic” is pushing it a bit, but it’s certainly earned its place as a good showcase of modern horror. But it was built around a killer twist, a twist which the audience will know going into this one. It’s also a prequel, and those are never good. So how can this work? How can it be anything but a colossal (well, medium) failure? By being really f*cking good, that’s how. Also by pulling off a much better twist than the original, because you don’t know there’s a twist. You assume everything is going as it should, then when the reveal of a character’s true intention is revealed, it suddenly explains a lot of things. I loved this film, and considering I expected it to be terrible, the fact it’s one of my favourite horror films of the year says a lot. Are other films in this category better? Yes, easily. But the gap between “how good this film is” and “how shit I thought it would be” can’t be beaten.
Why do so many films mess up King adaptations? Dark Tower was a mess, IT: Chapter 2 was disappointing, and this? This is just bad. It’s a shame as a character like this should be updated. The world we live in now is very different from the world we lived in when the original film was released (except for the threat of nuclear destruction from Russia). It would be interesting to see how the modern military would react to someone with these powers, and what would happen in an internet world where any incidents can be shared online instantly. Sadly, this film isn’t interested in showing any of those things. The only way it could be more predictable is if it actually played the Prodigy song, but at least then it would have some energy.
I thought this was going to be the first movie I saw in 2022, luckily it wasn’t, it would have kicked the year off on a somewhat sour note. It feels like it thinks that putting women in a generic spy movie is somehow groundbreaking. Without gender, it’s the same film you’ve seen many times before. Stunningly predictable, and with bland action scenes. Just not good enough for a modern audience.
This should be gayer. I don’t know how to explain it, but it should be. It does some good things with the villain reveal, but you can’t watch it and not feel like you’re watching a PG edit of a 15-rated film.
Obviously, this wins. I really enjoyed the first two (well, technically the second and third, or the eleventh and twelfth), to the point where Halloween Kills is genuinely one of my favourites in the franchise. But this? A steaming pile of shit would be kind. It feels like it was written on a napkin by someone who hadn’t watched the others. This is not the movie that the previous two set up. It seems like they were so focused on subverting expectations they forgot to make it workable. You can’t have the final Halloween movie barely feature Michael Myers, and you’re a dumbass if you think you can.
This is bad. It’s such a waste of so many talented people. It feels like Apatow just got everybody to make shit up, and kept the worst options from every take. The pacing is terrible, it completely wastes what could be a good comedic sequence of them in quarantine. Absolutely nothing about it works. It focuses on the wrong characters, and the characters it does focus on aren’t likeable, but aren’t really detestable enough to be the figures of hate the film portrays them as. I’m not even nominating anything else, because this is such a colossal failure that nothing deserves to be compared to it.
I saw this relatively early on last year, and it immediately disqualified quite a few films I saw prior to being nominated for this award. The difference between this, and films I liked that came before it in 2022 was huge. I am so glad I saw this, and I immediately told my friends about it. It’s hauntingly beautiful, and I am still occasionally emotionally affected by the flashbacks. If this was a different year, this might have won, but it was SUCH a stacked year in terms of quality films.
There’s a moment in this film where a ladder snaps and the character is left hanging in the air. At this point in the screening I attended, someone a few rows over just stood up, said “nope, fuck that” and left. There were a few moments when I considered joining him. It’s so well done that I couldn’t watch it, it was too tense. There’s a part of my brain that sees the things that happen in this and go “nope, that’s a bad thing to do”. Despite the fact it is obviously fictional, you get lost in the world so convincingly that your brain forgets it’s not real.
Mainly for the fact that it’s only 20 minutes away from being the same length as Avatar: The Way Of Water, yet never feels it. I would watch this again, in fact, I did. I saw it twice at the cinema and was just as into it the second time. I’m not even sure I want to watch a trailer for Way Of Water again. It is not a perfect film, but it is the best comic book MOVIE in a while. It feels actually mature (rather than what it usually means when people say “we’ve made a mature comic book movie”: tits and guns). It also does the best job of showing WHY Batman does what he does.
Glass Onions: A Knives Out Mystery
Trust me, any other year, this could have won, I know people who have watched this multiple times already, and I don’t blame them. Everything about it works. It’s funny, it’s clever, and it’s just so damn entertaining to watch. I still count it as one of the best films I’ve seen and is definitely in my top 50, maybe top 10. So why isn’t it top? Because it was against something magnificent.
Everything Everywhere All At Once
Of course, it’s this. Nothing else could even come close. This is one of the best things I have ever seen in my life. This truly had everything I want in a film. It was funny, it had great action scenes, good music, yet it was also incredibly heartbreaking. I didn’t think a scene of two rocks talking to each other could make me feel as tearful as it did here. This should be a mess, it tries to do SOOO much, and the things it tries to do all have different tones. It balances the silliness of dildo fights, and the meaning of existence and trauma. It’s weirdly existential and nihilistic at the same time. This isn’t just film, this was a life-changing experience.