Tag: Bride Hard

2025 Film Awards: Day Three

On By troubledproductionsIn AwardsLeave a comment

Best Looking

Elio

It’s Pixar, Pixar will always look great, even when they let their story standards slip.

Fantastic Four: First Steps

A lot of Marvel films look the same; this is the first one in a while with a unique look. It has a future-retro style that brings to mind the original cartoon. It looks like what people in the 50’s thought the future would look like. Basically; the Jetsons.

Freaky Tales

I loved the parts that looked like they were from a comic book. It reminded me of Ninjababa, and I loved that movie.

Here

It’s absolutely stunning that a film set in one location with a static camera can look as dynamic as this.

The Woman In The Yard

They made daylight scary. That’s difficult. If anything, I think this would be less scary if it took place at night.

Winner

Avatar: Fire And Ash

I don’t love this franchise as much as most people seem to. But I have to appreciate just how damn impressive they are from a visual standpoint.

Best Music

A Complete Unknown/Deliver Me From Nowhere

If you fill a film with Bob Dylan and Bruce Springsteen songs, it’s going to have a killer soundtrack. Deliver Me From Nowhere has a slight edge because its one of the best demonstrations of the power of live music. It’s not about sitting still and taking it in, it’s about jumping around in a dingy club, losing half your body weight in sweat as you dance with strangers.

Opus

A film about a reclusive musician has to have good music. We have to believe that he is a musician who will inspire a certain level of devotion. Opus manages it. The music is hypnotic, danceable, sexy, and weird. It’s exactly what you expect a character like that would make. It’s helped by how good a job the film does of setting up the universe; it’s very easy to believe that he’s real. But if the music was shit, or was too obviously written by a known artist, it would break that illusion.

Queen Of The Ring

I should have hated the music for this, as most of it isn’t era-appropriate. It somehow works though. The music clearly isn’t from the time, but does a semi-decent job of making you feel part of that time. It’s a risky strategy, but I think it works. The Larkin Poe version of Gods Gonna Cut You Down is one of the best songs I heard in 2025.

Spinal Tap 2: The End Continues

The Elton John version of Stonehenge would earn this nomination on its own. The other songs are good too, but the Elton John one is phenomenal.

Winner

Sinners

I can only really remember two songs: “Rocky Road To Dublin” and ” Magic What We Do”. Yes, the rest of the soundtrack is good, full of powerful and emotive blues music. But those two songs are sensational and are my main memories of the experience. Rocky Road To Dublin is terrifying the way it’s performed here, but also weirdly stirring. It makes you want to stand up and march on an unseen enemy. Magic What We Do is where it’s at, though; a surreal genre mash-up that takes you through over a hundred years of music and shows how much of modern music has its origins in blues. It’s a key scene, vital to the story being told. No matter how impressive the visuals are, if that song sounded like it didn’t belong, if it didn’t flow between the multiple genres effectively, that scene would collapse. As it is, it’s a frontrunner for best scene of the year.

Best Effects/CGI

Nominees

How To Train Your Dragon

I’m still not entirely sure what the point of this movie was (a point I am sure I will say again when the Moana remake is released), but I can’t fault how beautiful this film looks. There are some small visual changes from the original animated movie, but it still sticks to the same visual tone and spirit. The dragons are difficult to pull off visually in live-action: you need them to look fearful enough that you can easily buy that the characters are scared of them, but have an inherent cuteness to them that means the characters do eventually trust them studio can sell toys.

M3gan 2.0

Entirely down to the main character. Yes, she is portrayed by an actual human, but the mix of her performance and effects overlaying it means that you never forget that she’s not human. It’s so well done that I nominated this instead of Companion, which is overall a much better movie.

Wolfman

Sometimes a movie does something so good that it makes every other attempt look poor by comparison. No, I’m not talking about Wolfman, I’m talking about An American Werewolf In London. The transformation sequence in that is easily one of the top moments in movie history, ensuring the movie’s place in the public eye for as long as cinema is a thing. On the downside, every werewolf transformation will now be compared against it. A lot of movies have failed, Wolf Man is the closest thing that has been made since then. It genuinely feels painful.

Winner

The Electric State

Terrible, terrible movie. Among the worst of the year. The visuals are the only thing worth mentioning, and they just about pull it away from winning “worst film” this year. If these visuals were attached to a better movie; they’d be applauded. The movement of the machines is beyond slick, almost human. If anything, the robots are the only thing that DON’T take you out of the narrative. They weren’t overly shiny and “new”. They looked aged, they looked like they’d been through some shit. Importantly, they looked real.

Worst Effects/CGI

In The Lost Lands

Everything looks fake. I’m not sure if the entire thing was filmed in front of a green-screen; but it certainly looks like it. This is not a movie, it’s a videogame cutscene. It’s so bad that I can’t even nominate anything else, because as soon as I saw this, I knew “that’s winning”.

Best Stunts/Action/Fight Scenes

Nominees

Ballerina

The John Wick franchise has set a new standard when it comes to action sequences. The dynamic handheld-camera style populated by the Bourne franchise; now it’s about finesse. Ballerina continues in that tradition. It’s a slightly different dynamic. The Wick films are about someone who is skilled, someone who is the best in the world at what they do. Ballerina is about someone still new to this world, someone who goes into every fight against someone more experienced, bigger, and stronger than her. This gives the scenes a bit more of a comedic nature. It’s still serious, but there’s a sense of realistic ridiculousness to the whole thing, which is a breath of fresh air.

Final Destination: Bloodlines

Part of the fun of these movies is watching the deaths unfold. Seeing how the geography is set up for the events to happen. The deaths in FD: B are set up beautifully, especially with the death of Iris. Does this technically count as stunts/action? Probably not. But I had to give it its flowers somewhere.

Love Hurts

Terrible movie, but the fight scenes were great. Not quite as great as Everything, Everywhere, All At Once. This is nowhere near winning, mainly because it’s lacking “that” scene, one you can recommend to people to demonstrate how good it is. But it is a worthy mention, mainly because of how creative some of the individual moments within the fights are; and for how good Ke Huy Quan is in them.

Heads Of State

Purely for the fight once they crash. It’s fun, creative, and oddly humorous.

Winner

Novocaine

This makes the most of its gimmick; I have to respect that. The fact that he can’t feel pain is key to every scene. None of the fights would work in any other movie. It reminded me of Alien: Romulus in the way it looks at the toys it has to play with (in this case, a guy who can’t feel pain), and bases everything around that. I’m slightly hopeful there’ll be a sequel, because I want to see what else they can come up with. But I would also hate that, because I’m not sure there’s much else left to do.

Worst Stunts/Action/Fight Scenes

Nominees

Havoc

How can this film exist and not have a single memorable action sequence?

In The Lost Lands

I remember when I was at college, and a classmate made the mistake of lightly praising one of the Transformers movies. This set off the lecturer, who was very proud of his film knowledge (you know the type, the one who prefaces every film recommendation with “you probably haven’t heard of it”), and the lesson was disrupted whilst he spent 15 minutes talking about how that movie sucked. One of his main complaints was how poor the action scenes were; talking about how because the robots looked the same, every action scene just looked like shit bashing together with no idea who is who or what is happening. That’s pretty much exactly how I felt watching this.

Karate Kid: Legends

Not that the fight scenes were “bad” per se, but if you’re expecting a five-star hotel and you’re given a leaky caravan, you’re going to be disappointed. Scenes which should be iconic are just “there”. It’s a genuine shame as it brings the film down so much.

Winner

Bride Hard

Earlier (or later, depending on how I lay these out), I talked about how I loved Novocaine because the action scenes leaned into the gimmick; this does the opposite. It has action scenes which disrupt the character. The script wants comedic action scenes, but only knows how to do it by making the lead character seem shit at her job. I also have an issue with what’s NOT there. There are almost no scenes which are exclusive to a wedding-based action film. Let’s face it, there’s a lot of stuff you could use; going through the wedding gifts to find a plate they can use as a weapon (and finding mainly gift vouchers), use sex toys that were planned for the honeymoon, fight whilst trying to minimise damage to the place settings, etc. There’s an entire building of narrative doors that the concept presents, but Bride Hard is content to just sit on the pavement outside, staring at its shoes.

2025 Film Awards: Day One

On By troubledproductionsIn AwardsLeave a comment

Funniest/Best Comedy

Nominees

A Real Pain

At times, this is the saddest film you will see, it will break you. That’s to be expected; it’s about family trauma, mental health, and the holocaust. What you may not expect is just how funny it is. So whether its with sadness or with laughter; one way ot another you will end up crying. The laughs are big enough to just about carry you through the sadness. They’re logical laughs, too. Based on believable character reactions. If you tell people what this film is about it will be difficult to convince them it’s a comedy. Once they watch it though, they’ll get it.

Deep Cover

I was weirdly charmed by this. I think the trailer lets it down, ruining most of the jokes by changing the timing or removing the context. If you think about it too hard, then the plot does fall apart. Thankfully the jokes are good enough to tide you over the plot issues. It could be funnier, there are multiple missed opportunities, especially towards the end. But the jokes that are there are pretty damn fine.

Heads Of State

No idea why, but my brain links this and Deep Cover, so the fact I put Deep Cover in this category kind of meant I had to put this here too. There are some great comedic action scenes, especially the one where they land and fight a random group.

I Swear

When this site was set up over a decade ago, there were some discussions that had to be made. Among those; the slogan. We hit upon “Making you feel guilty for laughing”. Whilst that may not be totally accurate now due to our move away from lists/opinion pieces and towards reviews, I like to think it’s still incredibly accurate when I showcase scripts (trust me, I’ve got one lined up the next time there’s a lull in reviews, and it was written just to see if I can make a VERY dark scene work). That slogan would also be accurate for I Swear. It’s so inappropriate that you can’t help but laugh. I never thought I’d say this; but this will make you laugh at a cancer-stricken woman being punched in the face. It would be so easy for this to cross the line and be offensive, but the writers make it work. It’s also weirdly sweet at times. The scene of him and the teenage girl in the car (it doesn’t go where you think it does) is both hilarious and sweet.

The Naked Gun

Not quite as joke-filled as the original movie, but if it’s a genuine surprise that you can say something like “sometimes there’s a whole 40 seconds without a joke” then you know a film is packed with gags.

The Roses

This got the loudest laughs of any film I saw this year. Absolutely shocking, but also brilliant.

Winner

Fackham Hall

Very similar to The Naked Gun in terms of comedy style and consistency. Fackham Hall wins out purely based on the fact that I’ve excitedly told more people about it. I haven’t felt a need to watch The Naked Gun trailer again (although I have kept an eye out to see if it’s been added to digital services), but I must have watched the trailer for this at least once a week since I watched it. The only surprising part is that a Jimmy Carr movie would be so inoffensive.

Scariest/Best Horror

Nominees

Companion

Not a traditional horror movie, more of a thriller. But I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention this. In terms of actual movie quality, this is probably the best of this list. But in terms of horror? Not quite. The gore is fantastic though when it is used.

Drop

Not quite as close to the horror genre as the directors previous work. But it would be hard to argue this doesn’t belong here at all. It’s such a simple premise, and one which hits straight at modern fears.

Heart Eyes

For 75% of the runtime, Heart Eyes is a damn fine horror movie. It falls apart at the end with the reveal of who the killers are, but before that it’s a modern classic. Brutal, smart, and (importantly), characters you don’t actually want to see die, so you are worried when they’re near death.

Sinners

Actually, forget what I said about Companion. THIS is the best movie in this category, probably one of the best movies I’ve seen all year, in fact (definitely top 3). It is more of a horror movie than Companion, it just takes longer to become one.

The Monkey

Silly, utterly ridiculous. But so inventive and bloody that I couldn’t help but feel warm towards it.

Weapons

I didn’t rate this as high as a lot of people did, but it would be naive of me to not say how creepy it is when it does work. I had a few issues, but they’re pretty much all personal preference.

Winner

Final Destination: Bloodlines

This was a new experience for me. I’ve seen all the Final Destination movies before, but on TV or DVD, but Bloodlines is the first in the series that I’ve seen in the cinema. It’s difficult for a movie this far into a franchise to still feel fresh. The deaths are as good as ever, incredibly creative and able to make you scared of everyday things.

Worst Comedy

Nominees

Bride Hard

I can’t sum it up better than William Bibbiani did in his review on TheWrap:

“It’s abrasively hard to watch. It’s not just that the jokes fall flat, it’s that the film looks like a pile of celluloid got chopped up randomly and reassembled in what the editor could only assume was the correct order, because the script mysteriously vanished”

Happy Gilmore 2

I suppose my main issue with this movie comes down to the fact that in the time since the first movie, I’ve matured as a person (not by much) and as a movie-watcher, and it doesn’t feel like Sandlers tastes have matured at all. The references to the original don’t feel organic, and the film doens’t trust that you recognise them, so they include flashbacks which disrupt the momentum.

Winner

Kinda Pregnant

The key to comedy is truth. It’s why no comedian has started a routine with “don’t you hate when you’re drinking a glass of lemonade and it mutates into a cheese sandwich, but your girlfriend is allergic to dairy ever since she was bitten by a yak?”, because that’s not a situation anybody can buy into, so the jokes won’t work. The central premise of Kinda Pregnant isn’t one you can buy into, and the way some background characters react makes it even more unbelievable. There are a few good laughs; I particularly liked it when she got a classroom to boo a small child, but those moments are too few.

Worst Horror

I Know What You Did Last Summer

Were people crying out for this film? Was there a need for it to exist? The third one is universally regarded as one of the worst horror films of all time (and think of the ground THAT covers). This version has some fairly decent kills, and it is nice to see some of the original characters again. But there’s not much else to it. It’s a tonal disaster, especially at the end. The story falls apart under the smallest bit of scrutiny. The first movie is incredibly closely tied to Scream, and it’s hard to argue against the feeling that the release of this was entirely due to that franchise being rebooted a few years back.

Keeper

Not so much a story, more a collection of creepy moments.

M3gan 2.0

I legit love this movie, but it’s not a good horror. Tbf, it’s not trying to be, but the expectation was it would at least play to horror tropes slightly.

Silent Night, Deadly Night

It had some good ideas, and I will always appreciate watching Nazi’s die (especially on the news), but SNDN was far too stupid for me to enjoy. Similar to other films in this category, the plot falls apart once you think about it. The murders all seem to happen in a vacuum, having almost no consequence on the town. I’m not saying every sentence needs to be “I haven’t seen Bob around, have you?”, but if a hundred people die in a small town, people should notice. Also, the deaths in this aren’t meant to be scary, you’re supposed to cheer them.

Winner

Until Dawn

Videogame adaptations are hard; do you adapt the story, or the general spirit? Whenever somebody says “dude! They should make a Grand Theft Auto movie, it would be sick” I wonder what that would actually be like. The fun in GTA is playing it, not the story, so a film would just be a ridiculous gangster movie. The best adaptations attempt both. It feels like Until Dawn focused on story, and in doing so, ruined what made the games great. I haven’t played the game, but I’ve played the Dark Pictures Anthology games and The Quarry, made by the same company. What makes those games special is choice; how seemingly innocuous decisions can kill people. Plus; you have to stick with your choices. It’s all about consequence. So an adaptation which makes a point of saying that consequences don’t really matter because it will all reset seems to have missed the point.

Most Unique

Freaky Tales

You really don’t see many anthology films, so that alone is weird. But the tone of Freaky Tales is what sets it aside. It feels like a comic book adaptation. The science fiction elements are so underplayed it’s almost as if the film doesn’t think it’s worth mentioning because they’re so normalised in this world. I can see why people would dislike this movie; but it’s certainly charming, and unlike anything else I’ve seen all year.

Here

This is a fascinating concept; essentially the history of a house told in a non-linear fashion with the camera never moving. It doesn’t always work, with the crossfading being a bit too distracting at times. It definitely would have been easier to maintain momentum over a shorter runtime, but I’m glad that it tries. It’s not exactly a success, but it’s too impressive to be a failure.

Presence

A host story (very much NOT a horror) from the POV of a ghost. That aspect is really helped by the flowing camera movement. I may not have liked this film, but I appreciate it.

The Second Act

A film that’s so meta that it almost folds in on itself. Too meta, even for me. This will frustrate the hell out of 90% of people, but the 10% of people who like it will love it. I don’t think I’ve ever been as weirded out by a realistic film.

War Of The Worlds

“Unique” doesn’t always mean “watchable”. I love a good screenlife film, and am always excited to watch one when it comes out. An alien invasion movie made like this is a fascinating prospect, but this doesn’t even come close to living up to what it could/should be.

Warfare

Another gimmick, this time, a war movie that takes place in realtime. Not many films portray the reality of war, this at least shows the horror, how it can completely fuck with your head. Essentially, it’s PTSD: The Origin Story.

Winner

Good Boy

A horror movie from the POV of a dog, I haven’t seen anything close to this outside of a video game.

Saddest

A Real Pain

It’s weird that a film can be in both the “funniest” and “saddest”, this manages it, and is a big part of why (spoilers) I’ve nominated it for best film of the year. It’s not just because of the holocaust mentions, the approach to mental health will also be depressingly realistic to those who suffer (or those with basic empathy).

Key scene: So many options. I’ll go with Benji when he loses his cool on the train. Other moments are sadder, but that’s when the mask falls furthest.

Bring Her Back

I was not the biggest fan of this film, but I appreciate the way it showed parental grief. It’s the grief that adds another dimension to the character, turning her from just another horror movie villain, to someone with relatable motivations; motivations which will break you slightly.

Key Scene: I guess the whole thing. The limits that Laura went to so that she can bring back her deceased child.

I Swear

To paraphrase the film: it’s not the tourettes which makes this film sad, it’s peoples reactions to tourettes which are the problem.

Key Scene; When he gets hospitalised due to a misunderstanding. You can tell that he is worried that that’s what his life will be like from now on. That he is always at risk of someone beating the shit out of him because of something he can’t control.

Winner

Final Destination: Bloodlines

I could spin a yarn about how this movie touches on survivors guilt and mortality, and say this film is on that list because of that. Really, it’s because of one scene, and one scene only.

Key scene: Tony Todds farewell. He wrote it himself, he knew he was going to die soon and was given the chance to say goodbye to horror fans on his own terms. Other movies have been sadder all the way through; but the real-life meaning behind the sadness is why this wins.

Sweetest

Freaky Tales

It seems like the modern world is designed to cause division and anger: from football teams, to wrestling companies, to MCU/DCEU (and even then there’s subdivision between Snyder/Gunn). In those times it’s nice to see films like this; films which demonstrate we can all come together in one uniting perfect ideal; knocking seven shades of shit out of nazi cunts (fuck off)

Karate Kid: Legends

This film was not made for me. It was made for fans of the franchise, or people who, at the very least, had watched one of the films in the franchise. I went in relatively blind; yet was still charmed.

Winner

Heart Eyes

You wouldn’t expect to find a horror movie in this section, but here we are. The romantic relationship between the two leads is what separates this movie from other horrors. The romance is so great that I would have been genuinely disappointed if it turned out he was the killer; it would have actually made sad for the character, just as heartbroken as she would be. Of course, I also would have criticised it for being predictable, but still.

Most Me

Essentially, films which may not be great, but I connected with on a personal level. Films which I would show someone to best explain my taste and personality.

Companion

Bloody, funny, and feminist as fuck. Some people have described this as “anti-male”, it’s not. It’s anti-abuse, and if you see that as “anti-male” then that says more about you than it does the movie.

Matt And Mara

A “platonic” friendship full of awkwardness and conversations that consist of pop-culture references? This is the exact type of thing I write. So it’s a shame I didn’t like this. Possibly because it’s so close to me that all I could see is how I would have done it.

Queen Of The Ring

It’s a film about wrestling, of course, this would appeal to me. The soundtrack is very me too, the cover of Gods Gonna Cut You Down in particular, does feel very geared towards me.

The Ugly Stepsister

I’m a fan of retellings, and few have been done as slickly as this was. A few of these types of movies have been bad, so when it’s done well it’s a huge relief. This doesn’t just retell the story, it brings its own identity to it too. There’s some great stuff in here, stuff that will stick with you long after the credits roll (actually, this was released on streaming services, so it’s actully “long after you get a pop-up telling you to watch something else because god forbid a streaming service actually lets you settle with the impact of a movie instead of just forcing the next one down your throat).

Winner

A Real Pain

A depressing yet hilarious film that touches on mental health, isolation, mortality, and the holocaust? Love it. Plus, it stars Jennifer Grey, who I’ve always had a soft spot for.

2025 In Film: Day One (The Awful)

On By troubledproductionsIn Year round upLeave a comment

Bride Hard
Ups: You can tell it was fun to make.
Downs: Some of the dialogue is too unsubtle.
Dull music.
Never makes the most of its premise.
Best Performer: Sherry Cola
Best Moment: I guess the kitchen fight, because its the closest this movie gets to what it is trying to be.
Worst Moment: The hovercraft chase looks particularly bad.
Opening: Montage of lead characters growing up and splitting when one of their families moves away, set to a sappy song. Then, “30 years later”, the two are part of a bachelorette group in Paris. I have a small problem; the labelling isn’t clear.
Closing: She sets off the denoator whilst catching flowers. The person whose house is blown up doesn’t seem to care.
Best Line: Is this normal for an American wedding?
Original review here

Havoc
Ups: Very energetic.
Downs: It looks weird. Hard to explain, but there’s a filter which means everything looks like a cutscene from a video game.
Kind of hard to care about anything that happens.
Best Performer: Tom Hardy
Best Moment: The kidnapping of Lawrence
Worst Moment: The inciting incident murder. Doesn’t feel “big” enough.
Opening: Tom Hardy delivers a voiceover over scenes of him stealing, murdering, and performing unlicensed burials at sea. A pretty weirdly shot car chase scene follows, can’t explain it, but it feels “off” somehow.
Closing: Patrick has been shot and will possibly die.
Best Line: You live in this world, you make choices. Choices you try to justify. For yourself, for your family. And for a while, it works. Until it doesn’t. Until you make a choice that renders everything worthless.
Original review here

In The Lost Lands
Ups: Unique.
Downs: Looks like a video game.
Overstuffed.
Characters turn on a whim.
Best Performer: Amara Okereke
Best Moment: The torture of villagers. Effective and personal.
Worst Moment: The train crash, it looks fake as shit.
Opening: Batista’s character walks up to the camera and gives a gritty version of “Are you sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin”. This would have actually worked in the 1990s, but it now seems incredibly passe.
Closing: The two main characters who have spent the entire film working together decide to work together.
Best Line: The stronger the spirits, the weaker the senses.
Original review here

Keeper
Ups: Atmospheric
Tatiana Maslany
Downs: Meanders around.
Repeats itself a lot.
Some plot holes are vast enough to drive a truck through
Best Performer: Tatiana Maslany
Best Moment: The ending is satisfying.
Worst Moment: The cake. It isn’t impactful.
Opening: Quick scenes of women being murdered. Incredibly artsy.
Closing: Malcolm drowns in a jar of honey.
Best Line: This fork is going in your head one way or another. Might as well taste good.
Original review here

Kinda Pregnant
Ups: Amy Schumer and Urzila Carlson actually have really good chemistry and would make a great double act.
Some funny moments
Downs: It’s hard to like the characters
The premise is too dumb.
Most of the plot only happens because the characters are dicks.
Weirdly shot.
Best Performer: Urzila Carlson
Best Moment: The meet-cute. It’s believable and one of the few times she seems like a human.
Worst Moment: The break-up/threesome proposal with Dave. It feels incredibly fake. It would be like if you invited someone to your house on their birthday and all their friends were there, along with a birthday cake and a sign saying “Happy birthday”, but it wasn’t for their birthday, and you get annoyed at them for daring to think you were planning a birthday for them.
Opening: Two kids “playing mom”, well, pretending to be giving birth, with swearing. Weirdly short and feels like it’s there just because they know they can’t start the film with the next scene.
Closing: Public declaration of love involving a Zamboni and multiple vehicles being destroyed.
Best Line: “I will bite your fucking aorta”. Such a specific threat
Original review here

Matt And Mara
Ups: Some nice moments.
Nice to see low-budget movies get a release like this.
Downs: The characters don’t feel like friends.
They’re not that likeable.
Lack of cuteness
Best Performer: Deragh Campbell
Best Moment: The surly cafe owner.
Worst Moment: The car argument. Feels so forced.
Opening: A somewhat awkward meeting between the main characters.
Closing: Mara listens to music while holding her husband’s hand. She then puts a receipt in a book written by Matt.
Best Line: I’m letting my imagination reach the level of my stupidity, which makes it my reality
Original review here

Urchin
Ups: Some neat visual tricks.
There are moments where it shows you glimpses of how good it could be.
Downs: Unlikable lead.
Too episodic in nature.
Seems more focused on being visually interesting than being narratively compelling.
Best Performer: Frank Dillane. His performance is great, but his character is awful.
Best Moment: The karaoke bar. Three people singing an Atomic Kitten song should be skippable. But it’s incredibly sweet, and the way the three characters do it tells you so much about who they are.
Worst Moment: When he mugs the guy who tried to help him. Mainly because it’s too early on so colours your opinion of him. You spend the entire film knowing he’s a prick. If it delayed showing you that, it would have given us time to get some sympathy for him.
Opening: He wakes up, asks for money and is ignored. Interesting look in how hard that life is.
Closing: Arthouse weirdness. Probably killed himself.
Best Line: Each decision is yours.
Original review here

War Of The Worlds
Ups: Unique
Downs: Terrible CGI
Does this story really need updating?
Feels low-budget.
Product placement.
The world never FEELS in danger.
Too dumb
Best Performer: Henry Hunter Hill
Best Moment: The aliens crashing. Complete chaos, just enough to wake the audience up.
Worst Moment: The reveal of what the aliens are feeding on.
Opening: He logs on and opens up surveillance cameras. Let’s you know the gimmick quickly. Does include a fun moment where two people are talking about how “I think I’m being listened to” and is told to stop being paranoid. It’s interesting and intriguing. Then we see the freak weather, and it looks fake.
Closing: The aliens are defeated. Ice Cube refuses to spy on people anymore.
Best Line: I’m going to go with the tagline: “It’s worse than you think”. Almost like they were trying to warn us.
Original review here

Zero
Ups: Creative concept.
Makes the most of the location.
Downs: Terrible performers.
No style.
Dumb script.
Indecisive in terms of genre.
Best Performer: Moran Rosenblatt
Best Moment: The taking down of America. Depressingly relevant.
Worst Moment: The drug-taking scene makes it seem like the film is pausing.
Opening: Narration over a completely black screen. Did have to check if my HDMI cable was working properly. A guy is asleep on a packed bus in Senegal when someone puts a phone in his hand. He seems confused as to where he is.
Closing: The two characters stand in the ocean and accept their deaths. Kind of poignant. We then get the aftermath of the events; Senegal hates America, then a woman wakes up with a bomb strapped to her chest, but in Paris.
Best Line: “So where are you from?”
“I’m from that place that they signed the Declaration of Independence” Not the “best” line, but the most notable, because it’s terrible. Possibly the worst line I’ve seen all year. No person speaks like that.
Original review here

Bride Hard (2025) Review

On By troubledproductionsIn ReviewLeave a comment

Quick Synopsis: Sam is a secret agent, which is quite handy when her friend’s wedding is attacked by mercenaries desperate for GOLD!

It may not seem like it, but I do actually like films, honest. I don’t often go in and focus on small issues I can nitpick. At worst, I go in with a “this could be terrible, let’s see if it actually is”. I never WANT a film to be bad, and even if I go in with low expectations, I can be won over. For example, I watched Ghostbusters: Afterlife expecting it to be among the worst films I’ve ever seen, and came out absolutely loving it (honestly, I might prefer it to the first one). That’s a rather long preamble to say that I do not dislike this movie because I’m expected to dislike it, I dislike it because there was very little for me to like.

First issue? The casting. I don’t dislike Rebel Wilson, but she’s the wrong actress for this, mainly because she plays the same character she plays often: a sarcastic quipper who’s quick to random punches in the face. That doesn’t work as a secret agent; it would be like casting Adam Sandler as Bond. You can’t watch this and picture her character as a competent agent, not just because of how loud she is, meaning she’ll definitely get attention everywhere she goes. But also because she does incredibly stupid things. For example, near the end, she blows up a house accidentally whilst catching a bouquet at a wedding. Makes her seem kind of shit at her job. I know, it’s a comedy, but if the characters aren’t going to take this seriously, I’m not. Although considering how quickly one of her friends tells everyone she’s a secret agent, I can’t imagine she’d be one for very long after the events of this film.

You can’t lay all the blame at the feet of her character. Genre mash-ups are hard if you get the genres wrong. Horror/comedy? That’s fine. Hardcore pornography/musical? That’s harder (pun unintentional). Wedding comedy/action? That should work. Both are full of recognisable cliches, and both require elaborate set-pieces. Yet it doesn’t really work for this. Part of it is because the characters never feel like they’re in a decent action movie; they all act as if they’re in a wedding-based comedy where the biggest problem is the colour of the cake, not the armed terrorists. So in the middle of hostage situations, characters start making jokes and making light of the situation. These are not the hero characters who are used to this; they’re normal, everyday people for whom being hostages isn’t normal. There’s no sense of urgency or fear. Even when a character is shot, nobody seems to care that much. It doesn’t even factor into the plot.

Overall, it feels like nobody cares. That it was written by A.I. and performed by (normally very talented) performers who just wanted to get back home and eat a Müller Light, maybe a Müller Corner, the banana one with the chocolate cornflakes. In case you think I’m underestimating the effort, this is from the IMDB page:

“At the party, the priest is at the bar with other guys. He picks up two full champagne flutes in 4 different cuts. Each cut is to two girls talking, but when it cuts back each time, the priest is still picking up the same flutes. This happens 4 times.”

That should not happen in a movie you want people to see. Someone should have picked up on that. Either they should have got more shots on set that they could cut away to, or the editor could have found different ones to use. Someone either messed up, didn’t give a shit, or ran out of time. I don’t particularly care which one, I just care that it happened.

This really should have worked; most of the situations and scenes essentially write themselves due to the situation mash-up; have the bride be nervous about the bouquet toss, but need to throw something similar in the climax. Make at least ONE joke about how tuxedos are worn by both men at weddings and secret agents in films. Have a drunk relative walk in on an action scene and assume it’s a sex scene. Use the centre-pieces to defeat people. Have a scene of the bride’s guests choosing their dresses, then echo that scene later on when they’re picking weapons. Really, there are SO many ways you could have incredible, unique action set-pieces; none of which happen. The closest we get is a fight scene in a kitchen set to It’s Raining Men. But even that has a negative; it’s not a high-octane scene featuring impressive stunts, it’s mainly slowly sneaking around a small room, and then throwing something. It’s like the film-makers knew they needed that song, but didn’t know how best to utilise it, so they just threw it into a scene where it didn’t belong.

This could have been great; instead, it’s not even passable.