2025 In Film: Day Five (Meh)

Black Bag
Ups: Tense
Good performances.
Well paced.
The leads have good chemistry. Every second they spend on screen together you get the feeling they’re just one sentence away from stripping off and fucking each other right there.
Downs: Has a weird look to it. The whole thing looks like you’ve just come out of a swimming pool laced with chlorine and you’re staring at street lights.
The central mystery isn’t that intriguing.
Best Performer: Fassbender.
Best Moment: The first dinner party. Dinner parties are always fun to watch on screen due to how characters react to them. And this is a good example of that.
Worst Moment: The polygraph scene goes on a few moments too long.
Opening: George is told there’s been a leak, his wife has been suspected. I assumed the film would lead up to that, but nope, happens almost immediately.
Closing: The leaker is discovered, and their body is dumped over the river. Really the only way it could end. Something about it feels anticlimactic though. Like it’s not an ending, it’s just stuff that happens.
Best Line: If she’s in trouble, even of her own making, I will do everything in my power to extricate her, no matter what that means. You understand?
Original review here

Dangerous Animals.
Ups: Creepy at times.
Good performances.
Unique idea.
Always fun to see horror movies set during the day.
Downs: Repeats itself too much.
Wastes its potential.
Really should be 20 minutes shorter.
Best Performer: Hassie Harrison
Best Moment: The death of Heather. Absolutely brutal.
Worst Moment: Zephyr almost reaches land. One fake-out too much.
Opening: Two tourists go on a boat so they can swim with sharks. They’re then killed, with a knife. Wonderful way to subvert expectations. Up until the murder, it feels like a romantic comedy.
Closing: Tucker dies. I wanted to see more, how did the world react to the revelation of what he did?
Original review here

Death Of A Unicorn
Ups: Violent.
Fun performances.
Original.
Downs: Too serious.
Too unsubtle.
Unbelievable characters.
Best Performer: Will Poulter
Best Moment: The death of Odell.
Worst Moment: The first scientist’s death, only because it was edited better in the trailer.
Opening: Rudd and Ortega on a plane. Very comedic and fun. So totally at odds with the rest of the film.
Closing: The unicorns run police off the road. Pretty sure the cops will have dashboard cameras so will be recording that, which means the unicorns are about to be public knowledge.
Best Line: And here’s hoping we kill Bigfoot on the way back
Original review here

Lilo And Stitch
Ups: Looks incredible.
I like Billy Magnussen in it. I know some people hate it because “it’s different from the original”, but he’s a great comedic actor, who’s amazing at seeming like he’s not fully human.
Incredibly sweet.
Downs: Doesn’t go quite as heartwarming as it could at times.
Best Performer: Sydney Elizabeth Agudong. Although Maia Kealoha is close.
Best Moment: Stitch at the animal shelter. Very funny.
Worst Moment: Dr. Jumba’s heel turn, feels forced.
Opening: Stitch is being investigated. Not how I would have opened it. Mainly because it seems weird to open a live-action adaptation of an animated movie with a scene that’s mostly CGI. Feels like you’d want to showcase the filming locations.
Closing: Nani leaves for university. Not as bad as it seems at first glance, she has a teleporter so can return home. But lacks any opportunity to be heartwarming.
Best Line: Sometimes family isn’t perfect. That doesn’t mean they aren’t good.
Original review here

Opus
Ups: Incredibly unsettling at times.
Sublime music.
Good performances.
Downs: The narrative switch happens too quickly and drastically.
Best Performer: Ayo Edeberi
Best Moment: The switch. I’m not a fan of how sudden it was, but the actual moment itself was brilliant.
Worst Moment: The death of Bill. Actually a lot of the deaths. They feel neutered.
Opening: Sets up how important the musician is. I like it. It didn’t just TELL us he’s a big deal, it showed us; his music, his talk show performances, his fans. It all feels real.
Closing: “haha you caught me but that was my plan all along”. I don’t know why, but for some reason this didn’t vibe with me. It just didn’t work or land the way it was intended.
Original review here

The Amateur
Ups: Delightful kills.
Smart.
It’s nice to see people be good at their job.
Downs: Feels like it’s wasting Remi Malek
Sometimes seems like it forgets its own sub-plots
Bland characters.
Best Performer: Malek
Best Moment: The swimming pool death. There’s a reason it was featured so heavily in the trailer.
Worst Moment: “She’s not there”, mainly because it feels like a waste. Malek can give emotional monologues, and whilst the scene doesn’t NEED more than that line, it could have been an all-timer if it had more.
Opening: Charlie is attempting to fix up a plane just as his wife is preparing to leave for London. Everything about her character and their interactions screams “Dead girl walking”.
Closing: Henderson survives, somehow.
Best Line: I came here to face my wife’s killer. To look him in the eyes, and tell him she mattered. Sarah mattered.
Original review here

The Bad Guys 2
Ups: Some nice animation.
Good vocal performances.
Puts more effort into space shuttle launch than it needed to.
Downs: Inconsistent rules when it comes to the rules of the universe.
Misses multiple chances to be better.
Best Performer: Sam Rockwell.
Best Moment: When the spaceship crashes. Very brief, but got SUCH a loud reaction.
Worst Moment: The wrestling match. It’s weird how this film can open with a heist/chase that makes such great use of space and logistics, and then forgets that they’ve shown us how big the wrestling ring is, and you can’t run for more than a second without hitting the ropes.
Opening: Heist! A really well-crafted one actually, showing you what their skills are instead of telling you.
Closing: The Bad Guys are secret agents. Sets up a sequel well, but also closes the narrative of this one. So a sequel isn’t necessary, but it would make sense if there was one.
Best Line: You want to work at a bank?
Why not? Some of my best memories are in banks.
You robbed us three times.
[sheepishly] That was this bank?
Original review here

The End
Ups: Atmospheric.
Depressingly relevant.
Downs: Waaaaay too long.
The songs aren’t that memorable.
Emotional beats aren’t followed up on.
Best Performer: Moses Ingram
Best Moment: The new years eve celebrations. So much repression coming to surface.
Worst Moment: Weird choice, but I’m going to go with a moment that’s not there. We go from a really intense argument between two characters, to an unspecified time in the future where they have a child together. We don’t see the inbetween.
Opening: Mother wakes up. For a musical, there’s a lot of silence.
Closing: Son and Girl (that’s their actual names in the script by the way) have an emotionally charged argument, then we skip to some time in the future and they have a baby together.
Original review here

The Last Showgirl
Ups: Good performances.
Unique look.
Emotionally brutal
Downs: Everything good about it has been done MUCH better by other films.
Feels low budget.
Best Performer: Pamela Anderson. She’s genuinely the best thing about this movie.
Best Moment: Her audition.
Worst Moment: Shelly’s argument with Jodie. Feels fake and overly set-up.
Opening: The character performs an audition. Very nervous, and obviously lying about her age. Anderson is best known for essentially being Ms. Fanservice in the 90’s. So to see her so emotionally naked and visually honest in the opening scene? Shows you what it’s going to be.
Closing: She gives her final performance at the show.
Best Line: Feeling seen, feeling beautiful, that is powerful. And I can’t imagine my life without it.
Original review here

The Rule Of Jenny Penn
Ups: Some creative visuals.
Noteworthy performances.
Original.
Downs: Takes a bit too long to get to the point.
The title is kind of shit.
Repeats itself too much.
Best Performer: John Lithgow
Best Moment: The catheter torture scene is painful to watch.
Worst Moment: Him kicking him under the table, mainly because at least one member of staff would have noticed.
Opening: Rush (the actor, not the prog band) is sentencing someone, and does it with a blistering speech that only a seasoned performer could do. He then becomes shockingly cruel towards the mother of the victims and collapses due to a stroke. Some quite trippy camera work but feels a little bit too arthouse.
Closing: The nursing home is peaceful due to the death. Kind of nice, but I’d have liked to have seen more focus on the immediate aftermath. For one thing, how did the staff react? That’s actually a huge problem in this, the staff feel invisible except when they want to get in the way.
Best Line: “My exposure to rugby has largely been limited to watching its players dodge rape charges”
Original review here

The Smashing Machine
Ups: Effectively displays the physical turmoil that life takes on you.
Tense.
Shows that The Rock can actually act.
Downs: Doesn’t capture the time well.
Skips over too much.
Glacial pace.
One bad performance.
Best Performer: The Rock
Best Moment: Hospital recovery. So much subtext.
Worst Moment: His time in rehab. Mainly because it’s not actually there.
Opening: His first fight. Violent, and real.
Closing: The real Mark Kerr walking around a supermarket. Bit weird.
Original review here

Black Bag (2025) Review

Quick Synopsis: When his beloved wife, Kathryn, is suspected of betraying the nation, intelligence agent George Woodhouse faces the ultimate test — loyalty to his marriage or his country.

I think I may be a terrible film-watcher. There are some directors who I just never vibe with, and three of them are critically acclaimed. There’s Paul Thomas Anderson, there’s Wes Anderson (with the exception of Fantastic Mr. Fox and Isle Of Dogs, which would make you think my issue is his live-action visuals, nope, it’s the dialogue), and there’s Steven Soderbergh. I do like some of his stuff, but there are also a few things he’s done which I just haven’t vibed with; Presence was pretty but dull, Unsane was a gimmick, and I didn’t find Logan Lucky as charming as everyone else seemed to.

That doesn’t change with Black Bag, which, whilst I didn’t actively dislike, I was thoroughly underwhelmed by. There are a lot of moments to like, but in a big film like this, it’s weird that my favourite moments were the smallest. There’s a dinner party early on which is superb in terms of scripting and character dynamics. I love dinner parties in movies. They’re so fun to watch because they easily allow group conversation, and there are certain unspoken etiquette rules that it’s fun to watch get broken. Away from those small moments? It falters. The central McGuffin is so underbaked it’s liable to give you salmonella. It’s weird that “government agencies tried to implement a plan that would create a nuclear melton that would kill thousands of innocent civilians” is the least important part of this movie. There’s seemingly no discussion about whether it’s the right thing to do, barely a sentence on how they need to keep the plan hidden because revealing it would cause world war 3. There’s not even much discussion on the war the plan would be stopping. It’s a trolly problem which is only briefly glanced at, and never investigated. It doesn’t even seem that interested in investigating its own themes. A key point in the trailer is “If your job is lying to everyone, how can a couple trust each other?”. Which is an interesting theme to look into. Black Bag refuses to do so. The relationship between George and Kathryn is barely dented, let alone shattered. You never really get a sense that they don’t trust each other. Their utter devotion to each other is never shown as being at risk of being broken. Which is very sweet and all, but utterly uninteresting in an espionage movie.

Fassbender and Blanchett do have great chemistry though. You really buy them as a couple. Every scene the two share is filled with an air of “the second the camera turns off, these characters are gonna fuck”. In fact, all the performances were good. Which actually hurts, because it’s a shame they’re wasted in this. I’m still waiting for Rege-Jean Page to break through and become a household name because he already carries himself like one.

The performances are definitely the best part of Black Bag. As I said, the script is lacking (but I have a huge appreciation for how quick it starts, it goes from “opening credits” to “your wife is possibly a mole” within minutes), and it’s nowhere near as clever as it thinks it is (or it needs to be), and the music is forgettable. I also wasn’t a fan of the visuals, which can best be described as “staring at street lights after going swimming in a heavily chlorinated pool”.

Normally for spy films, I’d say it needs to go bigger. But Black Bag needs to go smaller; ignore the trolly problem, ignore the international satellite surveillance, and don’t bother with the money transferred to a bank account. Just have the whole thing as the initial dinner party, have it take place in real-time, and the secrets spread over the three courses. Yes, it would be a lot riskier, but it would allow Black Bag to focus on its strengths, which are the looks at the minutiae of spy work.

Presence (2024) Review

Quick Synopsis: A family becomes convinced they are not alone after moving into their new home in the suburbs.

Full disclosure: I was originally going to post the review of Black Bag today and The Electric State on Friday (and spoilers for that, but “state” is an apt description). But then I watched Presence and realised I had the opportunity to review two films by the same director (Steven Soderbergh) in one week. I may never get that opportunity again, so I felt I had to take it.

Spoilers for the Black Bag review, but while I liked that more than Presence, I was more impressed with Presence. It was mismarketed though. The trailers etc made it feel a bit like a horror movie, when it’s more like a family drama. Yes, it involves ghosts, but that doesn’t make it a horror. Not in the traditional sense either. You won’t be scared of the ghost, you’ll be scared of one of the human characters definitely, especially since people like him are not only prevalent in society, but thrive.

At its heart, Presence is a tale of a family suffering. A mother who is doing *something* illegal, a husband who is worried he’ll be implicated and is slowly becoming disenfranchised with the relationship, a son who is so protected by his mother that he is doomed to fail, and a daughter who feels lost and alone while in mourning of her friends. None of these characters are perfect, all are DEEPLY flawed, the mother and son more than the others, she’s incredibly dismissive of her daughter while showering her son with praise, and he tricks girls into sending him nudes and then shares them with friends. All of them feel real. The performances are great (and Lucy Liu continues to prove that Bill Murray was wrong), and their chemistry is incredible. They all feel like family members, but family members with strained relationships.

Now, onto the ending. I’ll try not to say what happened, but those who do know will know what I’m talking about. I wasn’t a fan of the last scene where it explained what the presence was. Mainly because I feel it didn’t suit that narrative. I can buy that the ghost stayed to “fulfil its purpose”, which was killing someone. I can also buy that when it did that, it ceased to exist and floated outside the house into nothingness. What I have a little trouble with, was why it waited so long afterwards. It doesn’t disappear straight after doing what it was supposed to, it hangs around. And considering the characters are shown moving out, which doesn’t happen quickly, it’s obviously a while later. So why is the presence still there? Was part of its “mission” to hang around a bit until the characters realised who it was? I get WHY, it’s so that the audience understands what happened, but it felt like there could have been a better way of doing it. Even if it just involved the presence turning towards a mirror that was at the scene of the death, and we saw the reveal then. But at the moment? It’s too “there for the audience’s sake”. Unless, was it buffering? Is that a thing for ghosts that transcend? Obviously not, that’s stupid.

There were times when Presence didn’t feel like a movie, but like a video game. Not a Turok or GTA obviously, more like What Remains Of Edith Finch or Gone Home. You walk around and witness the environment, piecing together the story as you find objects, occasionally interacting with them, with occasional moments where people do a Darth Vader on Christmas impression and sense the Presence. To be honest, I feel that may have been a better medium to tell the story because as a film, there’s a disconnect between the film and the audience. It reminded me of Here, and not in a good way, although Presence is definitely a better watch. Presence is more emotional. I was always more touched by Presence, Here not so much.

Don’t get me wrong, Presence is an impressive feat, and it’s original, which I always appreciate. But if you strip away the fact it’s from a ghost POV, it’s not that interesting. I wish I could watch this on a virtual reality device, I get the feeling that I’d really get lost in it then. But on a standard television screen? Not so much. It feels more of a curiosity than a finished product. If it was a short? I’d have loved it.