I was browsing the book of Face the other day. In between the adverts for businesses in other countries, transphobic memes that have been “suggested for you”, and pages “we think you’d like” that are just hateful shit, I saw a Bowling For Soup post that said they had recorded a cover of Friend Like Me for a new Disney covers album. Now I love that shit, I love covers, I love pop punk, so a whole album full of that is my jam. On the downside, it is Disney and there is a concern that by buying that album I agreed to donate my organs to Disney before I die. Also, some of the choices are weird, would it not have made more sense for a woman to cover Surface Pressure instead of someone who wrote a song about a woman he met at a party and never saw again? So, much like we’ve already done for Bleed American and Black Parade, it’s time to speak about the better options. The only rule is; no Bowling For Soup, otherwise it would be them doing it all. Oh, and try to keep it to one song from each film (a rule which meant I couldn’t have NoFX doing supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, which is good because then I would have had to spell supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, and I’m not completely sure I can spell supercalifragilisticexpialidocious correctly).

Rainbow Connection (Link to the original song here) – Ben Folds with Regina Spektor

This one is tricky, Weezer already did a pretty damn good cover of this (featuring guest vocals from Hayley Williams). You need something simple but also majestic. A musician that wouldn’t be out of place with just them and a keyboard/piano/ukulele/electric triangle, but who would also suit a full orchestral/vocal backing for the closing stretch. With that in mind, Regina Spektor was my first choice. As I was looking for a song to post to back up that opinion I dug up the song she made with Ben Folds, after that, I couldn’t unhear the version this could be. Starting off slow, just Ben Folds alone on a piano, an echo on the vocals so it sounds like he’s singing in an empty room, then when you get to the final verse, the strings kick in, as does Regina Spektor’s vocals. It would be emotional, powerful, and so damn perfect. There is a worry that it would come off as being too similar to the aforementioned Weezer cover, but I feel Folds and Spektor are different enough that it will have enough differences.

The case for the defence: Us – Regina Spektor. A great showcase for Spektor’s powerful voice which will help the closing section work.

Brick – Ben Folds Five. To show how bleak and depressing Ben Folds can be at times.

The Bed Song – Amanda Palmer. This is the kind of effect I want for the solo Ben Folds parts. That feeling of musical isolation and emptiness.

The Bare Necessities (link to the original song here) – Less Than Jake

Now this is tricky, mainly because the best cover already exists, no, not the John Goodman and Haley Joel Osment, it’s the Bowling For Soup one. How are you going to get something to match that level of joy and fun? Simple, the same thing you do with your Sims relationships when you have the new Romance update; make it super horny. A horn section makes everything better, even funerals. If they can find a way to merge it into I Wanna Be Like You then even better.

The Case For The Defence: Gainesville Rock City – Less Than Jake

We Bare Bears – Skatune Network. Proof that ska makes everything better

When You Wish Upon A Star (link to the original song here) – Puddles Pity Party

I knew I had to have this song on this album, and I knew I couldn’t fuck about with it. I couldn’t change it too much, I had to instead just enhance what was already there. The deep voice, the resonance, the performance. As has so often been the case in life; I turned towards a depressed clown. Puddles in particular. If you’re English and watch live TV, you have heard one of his cover versions, you just don’t know it. His cover of All The Small Things was used in a Christmas advert last year, I can’t remember which one because all Christmas adverts are the same, they’re essentially “Emotion! Feelings!” with no focus on the actual product or shop. I believe he could pull this off, and it would be fucking magnificent. This is the only one where I actually had to check the artist I chose hadn’t already done it.

The case for the defence: All The Small Things. That level of showmanship and old school brilliance is whats needed to make this work.

Stressed Out The song that made me fall in love with this artist

Be Our Guest (Link to the original song here) – Marina And The Diamonds

For this, I had one goal: strange time signatures mixed with a kooky danceability. Essentially, I needed it to sound like it was made by an art student. Sadly, Do Me Bad Things wouldn’t work as it would be too messy. I needed something relatively simple but effective. For this I’m thinking of it lacking strings in the background, it will be all synth-pop gloriousness.

The case for the defence; Ancient Dreams In A Modern Land A demonstration of the kind of synth dance feel I’m going far.

Oh No! Her most popular song, and the one which demonstrates the drumbeat backing I’ll be looking for.

Feed The Birds (Link to the original song here) – Meryl Streep

A weird choice, I know. Streep is generally known more as an actor than a singer (and a pretty good one too, in case the CONSTANT awards didn’t give that away) but she has sung in a few roles before. You may assume I heard Streep sing in Mamma Mia, but that would mean I had to watch that film, and that’s too much effort. Instead, I’m going with this based on her song from the VERY New York murder mystery show Only Murders In The Building. I feel she’d do a good job with this. Plus both Streep and Andrews have worked with Anne Hathaway, which doesn’t mean anything but like Marge Simpson with a potato, I just found that neat.

The case for the defence: Look For The Light. I kind of think I should put Ashley Park somewhere on this album but not sure where.

A Whole New World (Link to the original song here) – Brendon Urie with Sara Bareilles.

Based on the last song, I was going to put Ashley Park here, I was looking for some of her songs to put in the defence and some of her stuff with Girls5Eva from the TV show of the same name. As good as she is, I feel Sara Bareilles is the musical star, and it would be weird to overlook her. I knew I was going to have Panic guy as the lead though as I needed something bombastic and theatrical. On the actual album that inspired this blog, it’s being sung by Yellowcard, which might work, but I have a worry it will be flat. The version I’ve chosen here I think will soar and be as majestic as it deserves. Plus, no matter what, it’s going to be better than the fucking Jordan one.

Case for the defence: Into The Unknown – Panic At The Disco. They clearly have no objection to doing a Disney song, and this demonstrates how full-blown I want it to be.

Gravity – Sara Bareilles. The millennial equivalent of that Sarah Mclachlan song that makes everybody cry.

Part Of Your World (Link to the original song here) – Chrissy Costanza

This was unexpected. I asked someone for suggestions for a female vocalist for the previous song and someone suggested this artist, although it turns out they meant We Are The In Crowd, but I’m glad they introduced me to this band. I’m glad she suggested it though as it solved I problem I had. I was concerned this album wasn’t upbeat enough. I had emotion, I had theatrics, but I haven’t had much fun yet. I needed more pop punk, and this was perfect. Whilst also being melodic enough to not be a huge departure.

The case for the defence: Part Of Your World – New Found Glory. The kind of thing I’m aiming for, it will be similar to this version but different enough to stand out.

If Looks Could Kill – Chrissy Costanza The song that introduced me to this band

This Is Halloween (Link to the original song here) – Qveen Herby

Continuing with the upbeat theme, this time more hip hop/r&b based. The background beats for this will be HEAVY and slow. I feel Herby could do something weird with this where you know it’s different but you can’t quite figure out what she’s changed about it. I’m not sure what way she’d go with it, whether she would quicken the pace, slow it down, or change nothing. But I’m excited to see it.

The case for the defence: Barbie Girl. For if she does a more straight cover

Sade In The 90’s. For if she decided to go a bit more sensual and laid back

Surface Pressure (Link to the original song here) – K.Flay

This was probably the hardest one (and Can You Feel The Love Tonight which can clearly only be covered by Queen, and as such can’t be included). The version on the actual album is going to be done by Plain White T’s, them of the “I met a girl once at a party and wrote a song about her, no I’m not creepy why do you ask?” and I haven’t heard it yet but I’m assuming it’s going to “rock” (make a note of the deliberately small r) which is a weird choice. I knew it had to be performed by a female vocalist, that part was non-negotiable for me, but which vocalist? Part of me wanted to lean into the emotion, much like the Amanda Palmer cover does, maybe by going with Kesha in full Bob Dylan cover mode. But if a depressing slow ethereal cover already exists, will I be doing more of the same by having that version? A small part of me also wanted to lean into the flamenco aspects and have Bitter Ruin do a version, but I feel that would mean either wasting the brilliant guitar playing of Ben Richards or having that overshadow the vocals. I needed to do something noticeably different. I decided to lean into the slight hip-hop aspect of it, and pick a white girl from Illinois. This will work though, she creates good beats which will replace the instrumentation of the original, and can manage to do both fast vocal delivery and then heavy emotion. It might not be as good as the original, but it will be strong enough to justify its existence.

The case for the defence: Self Esteem. Where she changes a cover version AND showcases emotion, both will be vital.

Blood In The Cut. To showcase her beat creation

Four Letter Words. To demonstrate that she does have a sense of playfulness and speed.