Haunted Mansion (2023) Review

Quick Synopsis: It’s a Disney movie called Haunted Mansion, don’t pretend you can’t guess that plot.

Disney is a huge company, I don’t think I’m breaking new ground by stating that. But it is an American company, again, I’m not exactly being controversial or shocking by stating that. As such, whilst parts of Disney are known worldwide (the characters, the logos etc), there are a few things that aren’t really iconic outside of the US: primarily things relating to the theme parks. Yes, people know the name “Space Mountain”, but outside of the name, the ride itself isn’t that well known. That’s why making a film based on a ride is always tricky because you’re aiming at a market with little knowledge of the IP you’re basing it on. If it’s something like Pirates Of The Caribbean then you work around it by not really basing it on the ride at all. But Haunted Mansion is one that is known to Americans, they are aware of the music, the visuals, and the story about the ride. So Disney needs to create something that would play to people who know nothing about the ride, whilst also making it worth seeing for people who adore the ride because even something as small as using the wrong shade of blue will make fans furious, Disney fans be crazy yo.

So, does this work? I think it does. I am a huge fan of child horror; that’s “horror aimed at children”, not “horror starring children”, so more “Casper the Friendly Ghost” than “Minipops” (which whilst not a horror, is very creepy and disturbing). I think PG horror is a great way to get kids into the horror. If you ask horror fans about their first experience of the genre, a large portion of them would choose something like Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark, Goosebumps etc. Haunted Mansion does a good job as something that will unlock the door for future horror fans; it has some well-crafted spooky moments (I wouldn’t really count them as “scares”) and set pieces that will live long in the memory. It’s helped by the fact it’s directed by Justin Simien, who gave the world the cult horror Bad Hair. He knows how to craft a genuine scare, and tones it down so that he can provide chills to kids (a bit like an ice cream man).

But what if you’re one of the 100% of people who read these reviews but aren’t a child? It’s going to be harder for you to like it. There’s a lot to appreciate in it, for sure. I don’t think LaKeith Stanfield has a reputation worthy of his talent. I genuinely believe he’s one of the best all-rounders the industry has; a face that suits magazine covers, the perfect voice for audiobooks, plus the ability to deliver an incredibly powerful monologue that will bring you to tears. He’s the ace in Haunted Mansions hole (phwoar). Don’t get me wrong, the other performers are fine, Rosario Dawson rarely gives a weak performance, Danny DeVito is always a pleasure to see (in a film, when he appears on the end of your bed at 2am clutching a bloody ice pick? Not so much), and Chase W Dillon gives a performance beyond his years. But everyone else is acting like they’re in a Disney movie, all overly expressive and aimed towards a mass audience. That’s fine, that’s really all you need in a film like this. But Stanfield? He performs like he’s in an Oscar-bait drama. The characters are all really well-written by the way. Although I’m still not exactly sure what Owen Wilson’s character brought to the film. But the rest? They mostly act in an intelligent manner. They don’t ignore obvious signs of hauntings, when they see evidence of ghosts they leave the house immediately.

The music? It should be better. I can’t remember any songs from this. I know a song played at the end, but I can’t recall it. I still get a song from Goosebumps 2 stuck in my head, so it’s not a memory problem; it’s an effectiveness problem.

So in summary? Wait until it inevitably comes on Disney Plus, which will probably be near Halloween. Would make sense, a film like this is made for watching after/before you go trick or treating. It’s not made for watching in the middle of summer, and I’m not really sure why they released it now, and why they gave it almost zero advertising. I know for a fact I’m going to check it out when it’s on Disney, but that’s mainly to figure if it actually did have two title cards at the start or whether my brain is inventing one of them.

Joy Ride (2023) Review

Quick Synopsis: Four friends travel to China (well, one was already there) to help Audrey land a business deal. Sexually explicit hilarity ensues

Adele Lin probably has the best record for screenwriting; Crazy Rich Asians, Raya and The Last Dragon, and now Joy Ride. All incredibly written films and all three of them are unapologetically Asian. That may not seem like a big deal, but the aforementioned Crazy Rich Asians was the first film by a major Hollywood studio to feature a majority Asian cast in a modern setting since 1993’s The Joy Luck Club. That’s 25 years with a large audience being ignored by mainstream Hollywood. I don’t really have a point to this, I just wanted to mention The Joy Luck Club so I can segue naturally into the fact that this film was originally (apparently) going to be called The Joy Fuck Club, and I find that funny. Instead, it’s called Joy Ride, which is okay as a title, but is going to be confusing in my archives because I’ve already reviewed a film called that.

I really enjoyed this. It’s got pretty much everything I want in a film; great jokes, emotional depth, good characters, and a condom of cocaine exploding in someone’s ass. This is probably the best outright comedy I’ve seen in a long time, causing some of the loudest laughs I’ve heard in a cinema for a long time. It’s not just the laughs though; it brings the emotion when it’s needed. It has a lot to say about cultural identity and that when you have a foot in two separate cultures how it can make you feel like you don’t truly belong in either of them. It’s effectively pulled off, not just because of the writing, but also due to the talent of the lead performer Ashley Park. She has tremendous chemistry with co-star Sherry Cola, to the point where it’s very easy to believe that they’ve been friends for years. The other two leads: Stephanie Hsu and Sabrina Wu are also a delight to watch, but the whole thing lives or dies on the relationship between Park and Cola. Stephanie Hsu is good, but she’s not given quite as much to do as she was in Everything Everywhere All At Once, but “not quite as good as she was in one of the best films ever made” isn’t exactly a condemnation. Sabrina Wu has the widest range going from socially awkward silence to excited info-dumping on KPOP. , They also provide probably the most emotional point of the movie, when they think all their friends have abandoned them. All four of them turn what could be stereotypical characters into multi-dimensional real people. They all have moments where they’re selfish and moments where they’re right; the whole thing feels very real.

Now onto something else; it’s filthy. The trailers indicated it, but it doesn’t quite prepare you. It says a lot where a scene where they sing WAP is probably one of the least lewd moments, until the end of it anyway where it suddenly becomes incredibly sexual and funny. Personally, I think the WAP scene went on slightly too long. The scene made its point and then continued. It did lead to a satisfying pay-off, but that pay-off would still have been achieved even if the scene was cut in half. The sexual confidence the film provides will also put some people. Actually, the fact it’s a female-lead sex comedy will be enough to put some people off. One negative review saying it “objectifies men, targets white people”. I mean, it’s weird to watch a film which features a lingering shot of a vagina tattoo and think that shirtless men are the ones thought of as being sexual. And I don’t really see how it targets white people. If anything, China gets much more attacked; outright saying they’re racist towards Koreans. I think what the reviewer meant by that is; it shows sexual attraction from a female POV, and the white characters aren’t important to the plot. If you’re not going in looking to be offended, then it’s a fantastic watch with themes that will resonate with everybody. I mean, I did feel incredibly white whilst watching it. But that wasn’t because of the film, it’s because I had Hot Honey Ice Cream which I assumed would mean “warm honey throughout the ice cream”, but actually meant “spiced honey”, so whilst watching a film about Asian culture, there was me, a very white person, sitting there thinking “oof, this ice cream is a bit spicy”.

Polite Society (2023) Review

Quick Synopsis: A martial artist-in-training believes she must save her older sister from her impending marriage. 

I caught a singular trailer for this a while back and was intrigued. It looked cool, looked well-made, and (most importantly), it looked fun. It reminded me of We Are Lady Parts (WALP, pronounced, well, Walp), and a small part of me worried about that. Not because I didn’t like WALP, I loved that show. But I did think “Wait, do I think this just because they’re both women-centric comedy dramas about Islamic people in modern Britain?”. Because if so, that makes me a bit dodgy. You know, a bit like people who count Get Out and Beverly Hills Cop as similar because “both Black Cinema”.

Turns out there was a reason for the similarities, both Polite Society and WALP were written/directed by Nida Manzoor. Polite Society is an incredibly ambitious attempt for a first-time feature, and she nails it. She’s great at balancing different tropes and expectations across multiple genres within the same film. For this to work we need to believe the central relationship between the sisters. We also need Ria to seem likeable so that she doesn’t just come off as a weird jealous younger sibling. Manzoor handles the characterisation perfectly, but she is lucky that Ria is played by Priya Kansara, I’m not that familiar with her work (I think this is her first lead role) but her performance in this was so good that her being in something could end up being the deciding factor as to whether I watch something in the future. Priya has great chemistry with Ritu Arya (who plays her sister Lena), you genuinely believe they love each other.

The other thing needed for this to work: the stunts. Ria is a stunt woman, which adds a certain expectation to the fight scenes. If they were found lacking it would make it difficult to enjoy the film; it would be like having a film about a character who’s a very talented musician, but the music is terrible. I loved the action sequences in this, they’re done in such a playful way that it’s almost ballet in terms of how intricate some of the physical interactions are. On the downside, there isn’t one that stands out, they are good but quite similar in structure and layout. I’m not saying a film like this NEEDS a stand-out scene, but it does help to have a sequence you can point out to people and say “See, THIS is the moment” which you can use as an anchor.

Now how does this film rank in terms of plot? It’s a lot better than you’d think. It does the whole “Is Ria right to be mistrustful?” dilemma perfectly, not outright saying whether she’s right or not for most of the film. Is the mother angry because she’s evil, or because Ria is being obnoxious and trying to ruin the wedding? And is Lena being abused, or has she just given up and gone through a depressive state? Most of the motivations are very open to interpretation and inspire internal debate throughout. Then you have the third act. Trying to think how to say this without spoiling it; it’s batshit insane. It’s something that will turn some people off BECAUSE of where it goes, but I absolutely loved it. Not just because I like weird, but also because whilst it seems like it comes out of nowhere, it is set up beforehand, you just don’t realise it. It’s absolutely magnificent and the reveal will probably end up being one of the year’s highlights.

In summary, one of the best things I’ve seen this year. It has everything I love in a film; performances, story, action sequences, original, an X-Ray Spex song, and Blaze from Gladiators. I hope everybody watches this film, as it deserves a huge audience.

The Night Of The 12th aka La Nuit du 12 (2022) Review

Quick Synopsis: It’s said that every police officer has a case that haunts them, this is the story of one of them.

Many people aren’t going to like this for one simple reason; it’s a murder investigation where the murderer is never found. I know, spoilers, but in my defence, the film does open with text saying “A lot of murders are not solved, this is one of them” so you can’t exactly say you’re not surprised. But despite that, when the police are investigating the death, interviewing suspects, and following leads, you still have hope they’ll get the right person. So whilst it is frustrating, it’s also kind of genius. It’s like if someone came up to you and said “I’m going to con you out of thousands of pounds with a card trick” and being so masterful and charismatic that they manage to do it anyway even though you’re aware it’s coming.

Rarely has a film put you in the shoes of the characters as well as this. That frustration and annoyance when they don’t find their man? That’s felt by both the characters and the audience. The most frustrating part is the truth of the result. We’re used to police on-screen solving crimes and finding the person responsible, and it gives people a false sense of security that if something does happen to them, they’ll be brought to justice. That’s not just a pithy comment from me by the way, the way that television depicts forensic investigation has led to issues with juries overestimating how precise it is, to the detriment of justice. To know that THIS, this is how a lot of these investigations end is heartbreaking. It’s not just the fact it’s unsolved, but the sheer brutality of the murder makes it difficult to forget. It’s actually a really well-filmed murder. Far too many films about young women being murdered manage to make the murder uncomfortable but for the wrong reasons. They’re usually not uncomfortable because of the senseless death of a person, but because of the weird sexualisation of the murder; a young woman moaning when she’s penetrated by a more dominant male who is taking pleasure in his act. That happens far too often and it’s fucking weird. And those which aren’t sexualised are filmed in a way that either glorifies it or seems a bit gratuitous. The way it’s done in The Night Of The 12th is shocking; someone just walks up to her, throws fluid on her and sets fire to her. There’s no glamour, no sense that this is “cool”, it’s horrific, it’s unsettling, and it’s exactly how it should be.

None of this would matter at all if the performances weren’t up to par. There are not many performers who are that well known in the English-speaking world, but like all good subtitled films, eventually you forget it’s subtitled and just enjoy. Its weird, I can almost hear the dialogue, but I hear it in English.

Like all non-English/American films, there are a few cultural differences you need to get used to, but nothing too extreme that you’ll be lost. The cinematic language is slightly different from what you’ll be used to, but you’ll still be able to follow it, Dominik Moll does such a good job with the visual storytelling that even if you sit back in your chair and are unable to see the subtitles you’ll still be able to get a good indication of what is happening.

Now onto the downside; it’s almost two hours long and I don’t think it needs to be. The cycling sequences are there for a reason (to show the stress etc that the character is under) but they are a bit too long and repetitive, staying long past the point that they’re necessary. There is quite a jarring time-skip as well. Once you’re resettled in the new timeline it makes sense, but it just happens like a normal scene transition; should have been handled much better. It also provides slightly too much characterisation. That’s a weird thing to say, I know. But there are multiple instances of things mentioned, in a way that you think means they will be relevant later, that is never really raised again. It’s like Chekov’s Gun but if it misfires and shoots the walls.

Overall, an incredibly fascinating watch, but not an easy one. Plus, let’s face it, the lack of a conclusion will frustrate some.

Puss In Boots: The Last Wish (2022)

Quick Synopsis: Puss in Boots discovers that his passion for adventure has taken its toll when he learns that he has burnt through eight of his nine lives. 

I like the Shrek films, but that’s it. The first is a very entertaining film, but they’ve suffered a weird identity crisis since then. It’s only natural, the first one was a parody of fairy-tale stories, mocking the tropes and cliches that they contain. But after it was a success, the franchise became the very thing it was initially parodying. It still made jokes about the tropes, but it was doing it from a place of now being part of the club. There hasn’t been a new entry in the main franchise since 2010, probably because of the poor reception to the fourth one. Most of the people who enjoyed the first ones are now adults with jobs, bills to pay, and a favourite ring on the hob (Bottom Right, btw). So is there really any desire for this, especially one from the director of The Croods: The New Age?

The opening doesn’t fill you with confidence, a standard fairy-tale opening about wishes. You’d be forgiven for expecting that you won’t so much watch this, as suffer through it.

Then something happens; Puss In Boots dies. It’s okay, as he’s a cat so he has 9 lives. Well, HAD 9 lives, and he now has one. This kicks off the main theme of the film, one that’s obviously perfect for a kid’s film: Existential dread.

It does an excellent job of displaying that dread, it’s probably helped by one of the best pieces of sound design I’ve ever heard. That sound is genuinely haunting, and wouldn’t be out of place in a horror film.

Also wouldn’t be out of place in a horror film; the villains in this. Anybody who played The Wolf Among Us knows what you can do when you take fairy-tale villains seriously (as opposed to what people usually mean when they say “adult fairy-tale characters” which just involves dressing them in sexual clothing and giving them tattoos). Goldilocks and the Three Bears as a crime family makes all the sense in the world. The true villain is Jack Horner, the characterisation of him is one of the most horrific adaptations you can make. I don’t say that lightly, this film is shockingly dark at times. A good example of this is when a plant eats someone. It doesn’t just do a “plant goes nom, the person disappears”, the plant leaves a skeleton. He also shoots his own men with a unicorn horn that causes them to explode.

It could be argued that the villains are TOO good. There are three separate villain stories here, and all of them are worthy of a lot of time and exploration, but because they’re all in the same film they occasionally fight for space. It does lend the film a slight manic energy that’s reminiscent of It’s A Mad Mad Mad Mad World (or for modern audiences; Rat Race), but that doesn’t happen enough.

The action set-pieces are unique, especially when they take place in the middle of ever-changing landscapes and everything flows together in a manner that reminds me of Spider-Man Into The Spider-Verse. Some of them could be improved slightly, there are a few too many elastic physics moments that pull you out slightly, but it does mostly work.

The voice cast is pretty good, with some returning from previous films, and some new. The only small quibble is that Florence Pugh and Olivia Colman sound quite similar at times. It’s weird to hear Ray Winstone in a kid’s film, but it works for the character. Harvey Guillen as Perrito was an inspired choice, meaning a character that could be annoying is actually lovable as hell. Mulaney does what he needs to as Jack Horner, but he’s definitely not the highlight.

So yeah, go see this, it’s much better than you’d think it would be. Just leave about 20 seconds before the end so you avoid the disappointing sequel hook.

Halloween Ends (2022)

Quick Synopsis: The final (for now) film in the long-running Halloween franchise.

Initial reviews for this were not promising. Early indications were that this was a massive disappointment, one of the most disappointing and poorly written horror films of the year. I was okay with that, people hated Halloween Kills and I actually preferred it to the original (by which I mean the sequel). A lot of people hate when movies go weird, yet I tend to like it. I crave originality and weirdness, and I tend to have an affection for things which are weird and unloved (except myself, obviously, even I have limits), so whilst I knew there was a chance I’d dislike this, there was an even higher chance that everybody else was a big stupid doo-doo head and were wrong. There have been many films in the past that I have LOVED and yet haven’t seemed to receive that same love from critics and large audiences; Table 19 being the most obvious, but even Ghostbusters: Afterlife, which I actually dreaded watching because of early reviews, yet was one of my highlights of last year. Maybe this would continue that run.

Spoilers, it doesn’t. This is not a good film. It feels like a cheap knock-off of the last two films and I struggle to comprehend it’s by the same people. What I loved about Halloween Kills is how it felt like a natural progression, that is how a town would react, with suspicion and fear. For a few days at least the whole place would be a powder keg ready to ignite. Kills was about a town in recovery, Ends is about a town in denial. Think of how Kills ended: Michael Myers was surrounded by a group of townspeople, and he killed them all and walked on. How would a town react to a seemingly unkillable monster wreaking havoc and killing everybody before walking off and not being seen again? Well, according to this film the town responds by doing absolutely nothing. Towns don’t do that with tragedies, large sprawling cities might, but there’s nothing to suggest Haddonfield is like that. Look at places which have fallen victim to mass shootings, they’re still haunted by it. There’s a multitude of different interesting ways this film could have gone, it could have the town turn into a police state, ruled by fear and giving up liberties “for the greater good”. It could have been a weird tourist spot, where the town’s inhabitants are forced to relive their worst day, again and again, to bring money in. It could have even have been a hotspot for conspiracy theorists who deny the killings exist, like those cuntheads Richard D Hall and Alex Jones do. There’s nothing in this which makes it feel like a town in recovery.

It’s not even the town, the named characters seem inconsistent too. Between the two Halloween films (the 70’s one, and the 2010’s one) Laurie Strode spent the time in fear of Michael Myers coming back. So what does she do now that Myers has come back and killed her daughter? She moves into a cosy house and lives a normal life. Logically, she would have thought “my defences weren’t enough, I need to be stricter”, not the other way around.

How about Myers himself? It’s hard to tell as he’s barely in it. The Michael/Laurie showdown is what the films advertising campaign was based around, so it’s disappointing that it’s really the only part he’s in. I’m all for different sequels, but this is a poor way to end this story. If it was the second film in this modern trilogy, it would be more acceptable. But having this as the closer feels like a waste of a story. The end of the film itself is spectacular. and is the perfect ending to the story. It’s good that it does have a definitive ending to the saga, but the rest of this film is pointless. It hints that the Evil that is haunting Myers will continue, and it’s that source infecting Corey (the new killer in this movie) that caused him to break bad.

I’m not opposed to a film about someone taking on the mantle of Myers and going on a killing spree. But the way it’s done here is baffling, Corey accidentally kills a child (in a great scene), is demonised by the town, and nearly dies. Perfect for a “I will get revenge on this town by bringing back their worst nightmare” story. But this isn’t that, what seems to happen is Michael goes to kill Corey, they look eyes and share a moment which turns him evil. Corey had enough of a backstory that would have explained his motives, and the magic eye soul bullshit thing just muddies the water. I would argue it’s worse than the Martha scene from BvS.

There is definitely an evil force that is haunting this film, ruining everything and making things worse for everybody. But it’s not Evil, it’s Corey. I mentioned his character’s relationship with Michael being weird, but his relationship with Laurie’s niece Allyson makes both Laurie and Allyson seem worse characters. It forces both of those characters to act really inconsistently. Laurie is writing a self-help book about not letting fear rule your life, but Allyson accuses her of being too negative, purely to cause a narrative split. It’s a shame as all the performers are great, from a technical standpoint it’s superb. It’s directed well, the soundtrack is brilliant, and it looks fantastic. But it’s hampered by possibly the worst script I’ve seen all year.

This was supposed to be the end of the Halloween saga, but all it’s done is make me want another one, but this time good. This CAN’T be how this franchise ends, it’s too shit. It should have gone out on a high, not gone out as if it was written by people who were high.

Amsterdam (2022)

Quick synopsis: Three friends who witness a murder, become suspects themselves, and uncover one of the most outrageous plots in American history.

This should be the type of film I like. It’s a star-filled cast in a movie based on an underknown aspect of American history (the Business Plot of 1933), it should be fun. If not fun, it should be interesting and a fascinating watch.

It’s not though, despite having all the ingredients of a film I like, the end result just didn’t do anything for me. I think a big issue is the pacing, it’s far too long, and doesn’t use the time well. It spends far too long setting up the mood and time, meanwhile, the narrative itself stands still. A good story is a long-distance runner, it varies the pace when it needs to so it keeps momentum until the end. This film approaches narrative like I approached long-distance running, going way too fast for a minute, and then having to stop for 5 minutes to get my breath. It’s really unfocused, giving us backstories and explanations that we don’t really need.

It also has a huge tonal problem. The subject is very serious, about an attempted coup against the United States government, and the mistreatment of veterans from the first world war. Yet the film is written, directed, and performed like a madcap caper. As the Western World is flirting with fascism, showing the concept of dictatorships our thighs and fluttering eyelashes, it’s hard to take films like these as lightweight. Especially when it’s trying to make parallels to modern times (as in, times which are modern, not the Charlie Chaplin film, which is actually more relevant today). The film wants to be taken seriously whilst not being a serious film. “hey, the threat of fascism is looming and business owners want to control every aspect of your life and kill those you hold dea-oh look, someone fell over, tee-hee”. It also doesn’t feel like the characters are taking it seriously, they all seem too self-aware that they’re not in any danger because they’re the main characters.

It’s a shame as the story is one that should be told, just not by this writer. Adam McKay would have been a better shout to do this. The way he handled The Big Short shows that he can do films of this nature well. David O.Russell doesn’t feel the right choice for this. Then again, I didn’t like Joy or American Hustle much either, so maybe it’s just I don’t vibe with his style. The performances are also really good, there’s not really a weak link, and the three leads have excellent chemistry.

It’s also very very funny. Getting some great reactions from the people I was in the cinema with. Not just small laughs, full-on belly laughs that you rarely get in audiences. I feel this could be edited into a better film, but at the moment it’s just too much of a challenge to get through. I might watch it again if it’s on Netflix and I can skip certain parts. But I’m not going to go out of my way to see it. Mainly because it feels like a film, and more like a drunk guy at the pub telling you a story.

Fall (2022)

Quick synopsis: Becky is attempting to get over the death of her husband Dan. Her friend Hunter suggests climbing a 2,0000 foot radio tower in the middle of nowhere. It does not go well for them.

There are different levels to enjoying a film. Sometimes you find it really funny, sometimes it discusses themes that you identify with and thus is very important to you, and sometimes it’s so technically brilliant that you have to admire it. This, I enjoyed in a weird way, in a “I want this to be over now. I want to leave” way. I’ve watched quite a few films I’ve hated at the cinema, and I’ve stayed to the end. Even when I know the film isn’t going to get any better, I stay, the thought of leaving never really entering my head. But this? This I felt like leaving. It was so tense, so nauseating that there were times I wasn’t sure I could handle it. At one point I heard at least three people utter variations of “nope, fuck that” and leave. There are moments where you know they’re not going to die there because the film would be over very quickly, but you never get past that “oh fuck no” part of your brain. People are not supposed to dangle from a 2,000 foot tower by one hand so you can get a good picture! It goes against that evolutionary part of your brain that says “FFS don’t do that”.

This feeling of panic is helped by how well directed it is. Scott Mann did a fantastic job of making you feel the panic and terror the characters are going through. He frames everything in a way that you cannot help but be constantly reminded of the peril they’re in. Once they’re up the tower, everything feels real and you sense the height. A lot of films struggle with backgrounds like that, even in big-budget films like Captain Marvel the backgrounds look fake and 2-dimensional. Sadly the start of this has the same problem. It’s weird as the tower scenes look so good, but the moments when the three characters are climbing rocks at the start look quite fake. It’s a disappointing start to the movie and really gets it off on the wrong foot. After that, it picks up, and once the husband dies (spoilers) it improves a lot. Becky becomes an alcoholic recluse who lashes out at those who try to help. Grace Caroline Currey gives a superb performance as someone who is completely broken, and Virginia Gardner does too, but in a different way. There’s a mid-plot revelation that completely changes the dynamic between the two and they play it perfectly.

The revelation is one that you do see coming, I can’t imagine anybody being shocked by it when it is revealed. A part of me thinks this was deliberately obvious so it could set you up for another reveal later. It is so busy distracting you with one hand you don’t realise the other hand is stealing your wallet. It’s very smart storytelling, especially when you consider that the story is very simple. What this story does very well is set things up that pay off later. There’s a certain piece of dialogue which you think is a mistake (and one of the characters actually lampshades) but really it’s foreshadowing, so damn smart.

A lot of people will be put off by this film, and it is a difficult thing to sell to people without it sounding kind of boring. Yes, a lot of it is just two people on a surface the size of a small table. But it’s incredibly engrossing. I think part of this is because it has a longer set-up than usual, you know and like the characters. The audience sees what they’re like outside of this situation, so when they act out of character it actually means something. The opening is brilliantly paced because it kind of calms you down and puts you in a serene state of mind. It also means that the tower slowly breaking as the characters climb it is milked for every possible piece of tension. It’s like winding a jack-in-the-box toy, you’re just there waiting for it to pop up.

So in summary, this is one of the best cinema experiences I’ve ever had. A great film that will put you on the edge of your seat and you’ll be thrilled by. But you’ll never ever want to see it again.

The Batman (2022)

Quick Synopsis: Bruce Wayne has to deal with a serial killer known as The Riddler, and also responsibility and past trauma.

I’m going to get the obvious out of the way, this is a LONG film. But weirdly enough it earns it. It’s a bit like watching a 3-hour video of Piers Morgan being punched in the face. Yes, it’s long, but you still wish it was longer. There are a few scenes that could be cut down slightly, but there’s not very much wasted. In fact you come out wanting more, you want to see more of these characters, of this world. And it’s such a well-defined world. Gotham is almost a character in of itself in Batman media, and if you get it wrong it can really harm it. Think of how weird it looked in Batman And Robin. Usually, the way studios do this is to have it feel old, like it’s from a 40’s noir. In this it actually feels like a living city, you can imagine walking around it and living in it. It’s amazing how small things like “bright advertising boards and crowds” helped it feel real.

It’s not just Gotham, this film GETS who Batman is as a character. There’s a moment I didn’t actually notice the first time I watched it. Near the end, Batman is rescuing a group of people from a collapsed building/flood. When he approaches the people who need saving, they don’t respond with “Oh thank you, It’s Batman here to save us”. They recoil in fear. They’re scared of him. He has set himself up as a figure of fear and vengeance to scare criminals into going straight, but in doing so he’s scared everybody else too. He’s not a beacon to look up to and admire, he’s the boogeyman. He’s what parents use to control their kids. “If you don’t behave/eat your homework/do your dinner, then The Batman will get you”. It’s because of that that he realises that he needs to start doing more to inspire people to do good. So yes, this film is set in a time where Batman already exists (and has already put Joker in Arkham by looks of it), but it is still before he is Batman. He already has the fighting skills, the clothes, the vehicles, all that was missing was the hope, it was the final piece of the puzzle.

There was a lot of people doubtful that Pattinson could pull this character off. He nails it. He is a fantastic actor and this could be the film that makes people realise it. There’s not really a weak link in terms of performance, and it’s full of “oh, it’s him” casting. Paul Dano is surprisingly chilling and completely redefines Riddler from a joke to a psychopath.

Part of that redefinition is due to what Reeves did with the film. This isn’t an action film, it’s more of a detective drama/psychological horror. It’s a fresh and unique take on the character, and one that’s really obvious when you think about it. It’s one of the few times in modern films where we actually see him do detective work, being very careful not to damage crime scenes, use logical deduction to come to conclusions etc.

I have spent this entire review just gushing over how much I loved it, and it’s for a good reason. It’s genuinely incredible and I am in awe of what was created. Go see it.

Médecin De Nuit aka The Night Doctor (2020)

Quick Synopsis: Mikaël (Vincent Macaigne) is a doctor on night call. He looks after patients from underprivileged neighbourhoods, as well as drug addicts. We see his nightly work as he’s torn between his wife and his mistress, and embroiled in trafficking fraudulent prescriptions.

The trailer had me excited. It looked like it was going to be incredibly intense and dark. And while watching it, I was on board. But the longer the film went on, the more my fondness for it dulled. It’s one of those films which you think is really good as you watch it and see it unfold, but after setting up all these narrative dominos, it seems to get bored and wander off, so it just leaves you feeling unsatisfied. It’s a shame as there are some great performances in here, and some incredibly tense moments. But overall a lot of it feels inconsequential.

I know this sounds cheap and goes against my usual “all about the narrative” viewpoint. But this needed a gimmick. Maybe it would have worked if it was done as a one-shot, as that would have shown the chaos he’s going through, and his panicking would have seemed real. But considering how much driving is in this that would have been difficult. The best bet would have been to have it like Locke, all take place in real-time. Most of the conversations with his wife could have been done over the phone. as could his dilemma with the mistress and cousin. It’s hard to love this film knowing that if they did it another way it would have been SOOOO much better. The character in this is supposed to be panicking and feeling trapped, but we never really get that. We never feel much emotion for him and his troubles, we just feel like an observer. It’s not helped by the fact that the longer the film goes on, the less you buy him as a character. He overpowers seasoned drug dealers too easily and at times it feels like self-insert fanfiction. The only person he doesn’t seem to easily physically overpower is his cousin, he goes from “quickly punching people in the face and taking them out ” to “awkward grabbing”.

That moment comes just after he had a fight with notorious drug lord Ossip, who is one of those characters who is supposed to linger over the entire film, but in reality, doesn’t. You don’t feel his presence looming over when he’s not on screen. He’s not built up as a danger. If we saw him executing somebody, then he’d feel more of a threat. As it is you don’t really get that “oh no, he has to do this or that drug lord will harm his family”. The film tries to fix this with the ending, but the way they do it seems cheap and is done purely to get the sympathy of the audience with the main character. That’s the issue the whole film has, by the way, it doesn’t know how to treat the main character. We’re supposed to sympathise with him, but he’s quite unsympathetic. But done in a way that constantly justifies all his bad decisions. It’s like the writers want to create a morally complex character, but want to ensure we still sympathise with him.