Month: March 2025

Novocaine (2025) Review

On By troubledproductionsIn ReviewLeave a comment

Quick Synopsis: A character nicknamed Novocaine can’t feel pain, he decides to utilise this after his love interest is kidnapped.

The world is shit. That has been the case for a while, but just today the world has seen a submarine sink in the Red Sea, storms destroy sacred temples in South Korea, journalists arrested in Turkey, and my custard cream just broke apart in my cup of tea. In times like this, while important and political films are needed, it’s nice to have a bit of escapism. While I LOVE films like A Real Pain, sometimes (and this may come as a shock) I want to watch a film that makes me happy rather than make me feel things.

It’s also a nice change to have Jack Quaid play a man who isn’t responsible for a woman being set on fire, makes a nice change. I’ve seen Quaid in Scream, and Companion (as reviewed here and here), but this is the first time I’ve seen him as the undeniable lead. He does a really good job. I’m used to seeing him as a sociopathic dickweed, so this is a nice change. He definitely has the charisma needed, maybe not for a major action film with a bigger budget than this, but I feel he has the charm to lead a rom-com.

He’s helped by a pretty tight script. Novocaine isn’t the smartest, most mature movie, but it does a really good job of showing why the characters’ inability to feel pain is a bad thing. We see how it affects his day-to-day life, from not being able to eat solid food in case he bites his tongue without noticing, to having to set a timer to pee because otherwise, his bladder might burst. This is a rather long-winded way of saying that for a dumb movie, this is pretty smart.

Novocaine makes the most of its concept, with every single action scene based around the gimmick. None of the scenes would work in a different film, which is what you want from something with such a unique gimmick as this.

Even outside of the gimmick, it kind of works. There’s a genuinely good mid-twist. On the downside, there’s something that’s supposed to be a twist, but was instead all over the marketing. Production companies NEED to stop doing that shit, especially with things that won’t actually make anybody see the film, so all they do is ruin the enjoyment of people who actually pay to watch the film.

Now on the downside: it is hard to ignore just as one-note this is. That doesn’t stop it being good, but it does stop it being great. Yes, it is a good gimmick, but the film’s reluctance to ever move away from it does mean it resembles a modern-day SNL sketch that goes on too long and features people you don’t know (or in other words, an SNL sketch). Also, the villains are not that interesting. I can vaguely remember what they look like, but it’s difficult when they don’t have that much screen time and spend most of that just sitting still waiting for the hero to come to them.

It’s also not technically the greatest. The fun from the fight scenes comes all from the script and performance, not from the direction. There’s one fight sequence near the end where the visuals actually detract from the action, with the core moment of it being too difficult to see what’s actually happening.

In summary; if this was the 90s it would be the perfect film to rent from blockbuster, in 2025? I dunno, watch it on Netflix or something, I guess.

Last Breath (2025) Review

On By troubledproductionsIn ReviewLeave a comment

Quick Synopsis: The true story of Chris Lemons, a deep-sea diver stranded at the bottom of the sea with no oxygen.

There are some films which challenge every notion you have; films which are so complex and fascinating that it feels like you need to make notes during it just to follow. Those are fine, and it can be very interesting to see those complicated plots reveal themselves in front of you. Then there are films like Last Breath, films are so ridiculously simple you have to wonder how they can make it into a feature (similar films include Fall, Buried, and a third one I can’t be bothered to think of because I’m sleepy). Sometimes those films fail because they can’t maintain such a simple story (as in the case of Night Swim), but when they work? They’re superb.

Last Breath is a simple film, but it’s a great one. What it lacks in clever plotting or twists, it makes up for in tension. From the moment the breathing tube breaks, right to the final credits, you will be on the edge of your seat. It’s pacey, getting to the main plot very quickly, but not so quickly that it feels rushed. Crucially, you’re given enough of a reason to actually care about the characters. This is essential, especially since one of the characters (played brilliantly by Finn Cole) spends most of the film runtime unconscious on the ocean floor, so you can’t really get much character development done for him (unless you utilise flashbacks, which will break up the tension too much). So a lot of the introduction is spent on him, giving us a reason to care about him. The rest is logically spent on the other characters, all of whom are likeable, realistic, and (crucially), competent. The disaster isn’t caused by mistakes, stupidity, or carelessness. It just happened. In some ways that’s good, because it would be weird if incompetent characters were in charge of important things like that, it would be like having someone high up in government who adds journalists to online message groups where they discuss war, it would just be unrealistic and make them seem stupid. On the other hand; it makes it more terrifying. The idea that no matter how well prepared you are, no matter how many precautions you take, you can still die alone at the bottom of the sea just because of bad luck?

Make no mistake—everyone in this is DEEPLY competent, to the point where the competence is entertaining in itself. There’s something to be said about watching a group of people being VERY good at their job, it’s sort of like the opposite of watching BBC Parliament. Even decisions which in lesser films would make someone the villain (such as when a character decides not to drop anchor so they can stay near the abandoned diver), are displayed in a way that you know the character making that decision is uneasy about it, only doing so because they fear dropping the anchor will sever a pipeline.

If I’m being critical, Last Breath could do a slightly better job of showing WHY they’re doing certain stuff. You can pick up on a lot of it due to context clues or previous knowledge of diving safety equipment. But there are still some moments where the audience is seeing stuff happen, but aren’t told what the purpose of it is. It’s a minor criticism because I’m not sure HOW they could have done it without some ham-fisted dialogue. The ending also suffers from being nowhere near as interesting as what comes before it. Last Breath knows how to keep you interested during the dive, but it’s not quite as good at making the post-dive moments feel like anything other than a needless coda.

Those are minor criticisms though. Last Breath is genuinely one of the best films I’ve seen this year. The performances are great (Woody in particular has never been better), the visuals are striking in how sparse they are undersea, and the soundtrack is majestic without ever overshadowing the visuals. I’ve liked some films more than this, but Last Breath is the best movie I’ve seen with wide mainstream appeal.

Opus (2025) Review

On By troubledproductionsIn ReviewLeave a comment

Quick Synopsis: A young writer travels to the remote compound of a legendary pop star who mysteriously disappeared 30 years ago. 

This is the debut feature of writer/director Mark Anthony Green, and I feel it has to be viewed through that lens. There are parts of Opus that could only be made by someone early on in their career, which I mean as a positive and a negative. There’s an ambition behind the work, an ambition and cockiness that would have been beaten down by experience. There are narrative and visual risks that can only come from a newcomer. On the downside; it doesn’t live up to its own ambitions. Green KNOWS what he wants to say, but he doesn’t quite know how to say it.

I will say this, Green is fantastic at setting up tense moments, he’s also good at all-out narrative chaos. What he’s not so great at is connecting the two. Narratively, it feels like a walk through creepy woods. Very slow, very deliberate, very unnerving. It then realises you’re never going to reach the end in time so pushes you down a hill. There’s a definitive cliff-pushing moment here, and the moment itself is brilliant. But it’s such a shift that it feels a bit weird. It seems like there could have been a few more scenes beforehand. I also wasn’t a fan of how it ended. I know what they were going for, and on paper, it’s a tremendous ending, truly some Twilight Zone/Outer Limits shit. But for some reason, it just didn’t work for me. I can’t even fully explain why. The ending made sense, it ties into the characters well, plays into the themes perfectly etc. It just……..I dunno, it didn’t quite land. It felt more like a concept of an ending, a casual conversation between people about “we should end like this” rather than an actual ending. It’s not helped by the fact that it’s dependent on everything going EXACTLY as they planned.

Not to say Opus isn’t a worthwhile watch. The music alone makes it a good experience. Green did a FANTASTIC job of setting the world up. It doesn’t punch you over the face with “This is how the world is different”. It sets up our reality, then slides into the Opus reality through aged footage and interviews with people the audience is familiar with. If you showed someone the montage parts of this, you could easily convince them that it’s reality. The locations feel real too. In particular, the compound feels vast and like you could actually walk around and explore it, with the film subtly providing enough clues that it’s probably possible to create a map. The music feels like real music too. Crucially, in regards to the pop star, it never feels like Malkovich is playing the part, it feels like he IS the part.

The other performers more than hold their own. Ayo Edebiri continues to be one of the most consistent young performers around, Juliette Lewis gives a performance worthy of the character, and Tony Hale has hair. Nobody gives a weak performance, even cult members who are only there for a single scene are spot on (as is Rosario Dawson as the puppet of Billie Holiday).

I love that Opus actually had something to say. The “cult of celebrity” aspect is not exactly subtle, but it is timely. I mean, America handed political power who named a department after a meme, and he was in that position because of his celebrity status (and bribery, possible bribery). People keep telling celebrities “stop talking about politics” (normally ONLY when they support a different political party than the person complaining), but political parties still court them, because they know the viewpoints of celebrities carry weight. The whole anti-vaxxer movement in the US entered mainstream political conversation because of celebrities, and for some reason, people view the medical opinions of Jim Carrey as having more worth than actual doctors. The cult of celebrity is ripe for satire and ridiculing, and that’s something Opus does fantastically. Yeah, it doesn’t quite know WHAT it wants to say about it, but I respect it for at least trying.

Green will make something superb once he finds his visual voice. At the moment, as impressive as it looks, it never looks unique. Even at its most tense, it feels like shots were designed with “now make this like a Jordan Peele film, now make this look like this Midsommar, now make this like The Menu” in mind. Opus is overly ambitious, but I would MUCH rather watch that than a film where the creators didn’t try. So it’s hard to dislike it too much, even if I didn’t like it that much as it went on.

Mickey 17 (2025) Review

On By troubledproductionsIn Review1 Comment

Quick Synopsis: Mickey is an expendable (not the Jason Statham kind), which means his job is to die doing dangerous work and be replaced by a new version of him again and again. Things go wrong when he carelessly doesn’t die, and meets his own replacement. Yup, it’s essentially Moon, but weirder.

I’ll say this right out of the gate; this isn’t as good as Parasite. But Parasite is one of the best films ever made. Mickey 17 is still fine, still so fine it blows my mind, hey mickey! Dumb joke, I know, but at least I didn’t make the “I haven’t seen Mickey 1-16” joke.

The other thing to point out is that just because you like the trailer, that doesn’t mean you’ll like the movie. The film itself is much slower-paced than you’d think. It’s not as chaotic and fun as the energetic trailer made it seem. That’s not to say it’s not a fun experience at times. There’s some FANTASTIC comedy in here. It’s just that in between the comedy and slapstick, there are dark truths about humanity and some incredibly unsubtle satire. It reminds me of how John Oliver described Russia; very funny, until it’s suddenly very not.

Mickey 17 is not subtle, and Boon Joon Ho is not a subtle filmmaker. But these are not subtle times. These are times when the world is going to shit, politicians are threatening to invade countries and their supporters respond with “Well just because he said he was going to explore military options to grab their territory doesn’t mean he wants to invade them”, as if countries will be persuaded to give up land by, I dunno, fucking parades or ironed uniforms or some shit? This is a perfect time for a movie like this. We need to see what happens when a populist and sociopathic leader is given power, his cult followers ignoring every sense of self-preservation because they believe the bullshit he’s sprouting. They believe the man who eats the finest food every day when he talks about how everyone needs to make sacrifices, which include cutting back on food for everyone else. Like I said, not subtle. Joon Ho wields his fury like a blunt weapon, but a weapon that has the potential to do a lot of damage. The fact that this feels VERY 2025 is weird considering it was meant to be released last year. The delayed release schedule has only made it feel more relevant, which is a depressing thought. It’s not just the politics, it attacks the personal too. It’s very telling that the first person to see Mickey die onscreen is his friend from earth (who is responsible for the situation in the first place), and he just reacts with nonchalance. Yes, he’ll come back, but what does it say that you can watch your friend die and not be haunted by it? How desensitized to human suffering must you be to not be bothered by it? Next time you want to know that question, look at how people respond to migrant deaths. We are not better than the characters in this movie. We are just as shitty, just as heartless, and we need to be reminded of that occasionally so we can fix that shit.

Even without the politics, it’s still a worthwhile watch. The visuals are stunning. The snow-covered beauty of Niflheim is poster-worthy, and the designs of the creepers perfectly toe the line between cute and disturbing. There are zero parts where the visuals let you down, whether it’s in space, the brutal deaths, or even the part where we see half a body being created.

None of that, the script, the visuals, none of it would matter if it wasn’t for the performances. Obviously, Pattinson will get the acclaim, and rightfully so. Even in the same clothes, there is zero chance you’ll get Mickey 17 and 18 confused. I love that he’s reached that stage of his career where he’s just doing weird shit. I want to see him and Radcliffe do something else together now they’re both in their weird shit phase. Mark Ruffalo is despicable, but his influences are a bit too obvious. I loved Patsy Ferran too. It’s actually the second time I’ve mentioned her in this blog, I mentioned her in my review of Tom And Jerry (available here) where I said

“The real star of the show for me is Patsy Ferran as an awkward bellhop. Her character steals every single scene she’s in and I wish it focused more on her instead of, well, every other human character”

She’s just as good this time too. But with the added bonus of actually being in a good movie and surrounded by talented performers this time. I still want to see her in a bigger role, but it’s still nice to see her.

Now onto the bad. There are moments when it seems things are being set up, which are then discarded. Characters act a certain way and then those motivations are ignored in the next scene. There’s also a dream sequence near the end which, to put it mildly, is a complete waste of time. It’s also going to be far too long for some people to be into.

Personally? I loved this. It was long, but I was never bored. It’s not my favourite film of the year. But it’s my favourite “blockbuster” that I’ve seen in a long time. I genuinely can’t remember the last time I was this pleased by a big-budget bombastic piece of cinema. I want more films like this. The world needs more films like this. And if there’s a single positive (albeit a very minor one) of the world’s shitshow, hopefully, it’s that we get great art like this.

One Of Them Days (2025) Review

On By troubledproductionsIn ReviewLeave a comment

Quick Synopsis: When her boyfriend takes her rent money, Alyssa and her roommate race against the clock to avoid eviction

I love the Friday franchise, ever since I first saw the second one. They’re fun, funny, and very American. The first two were a huge part of my adolescence, and why I couldn’t honestly say that they shaped me in any way or form, I have, and will always have, warm feelings towards them. I’m hoping that in the future, people will be saying that about One Of Them Days (OOTD, pronounced ooot-ta-da). It does everything that Friday did well; the chemistry between the two leads (one of whom is played by a musician), a plot that revolves around finding money while trying to juggle adult responsibilities, a romantic yearning over someone, a group of unique and weird background characters. The biggest difference between the two is the lack of family presence in OOTD. Other than that, they are very similar. Not in a derivative or “what’s the point if I’ve already seen Friday?” way. More like hearing two bands play the same song; yes, the core beats are the same, but it’s up to the talent involved to make it work and play the same narrative tune differently.

Everyone involved is clearly talented. Keke Palmer continues to impress. I loved her in Nope, but OOTD allows her to flex her comedic muscles. She also has great chemistry with SZA (funnily enough; they both starred in the same episode of SNL back in 2022, I don’t know whether that had anything to do with this movie, I just found it an interesting tidbit). This is SZA’s acting debut, but you couldn’t tell. Most of the dramatic weight does go to Palmer, but there are no moments where you look at SZA and think it’s stunt casting, She more than holds her own, and while I don’t see her winning any Academy Awards in the next few years, I wouldn’t be surprised if she was given sole lead duties in something.

The supporting cast is great too, being helped by how weird the characters are. Katt Williams in particular is clearly having a lot of fun. It’s the first time I’ve seen Keyla Monterroso Mejia, but I’m a huge fan of what she did in the short moments she was on screen.

OOTD will not change your life. I can’t imagine it being the film which influences future generations to create. But it is an insanely fun time, and one I’m definitely glad I watched. I’m also curious what Syreeta Singelton will come up with next. She’s got a talent for dialogue and characterisation. The plot isn’t perfect, with it occasionally feeling like a series of skits using the narrative as an excuse to move between them, rather than a cohesive story where stuff happens. A few scenes also go on a bit too long because the script needs to fit a few more jokes in. But those are minor quibbles. It’s still something you’re unlikely to regret seeing.

The Monkey (2025) Review

On By troubledproductionsIn ReviewLeave a comment

Quick Synopsis: Hal and his son Petey spend a final weekend together before Hal signs away parental rights. A weekend that’s spoiled somewhat by a toy monkey that causes brutal deaths, seemingly targeting Hals family.

Two weeks. That’s the difference between me loving this movie, and me just really liking it. The reason for this? Two weeks before watching The Monkey, I saw the trailer for Final Destination: Bloodlines. As such, when I watched The Monkey, all I could think of was Final Destination. That is unfair to this movie, I know, but I felt I had to mention it.

Aside from that? This is fun. It’s not really a horror movie. Yes, it’s bloody and violent, but it’s not that scary. There are not that many moments where you’re on the edge of your seat with how tense it is, or where you’re concerned for characters and want to see them survive. If anything, you’re intrigued. You look around the room, curious as to how deaths will occur. The deaths aren’t particularly harrowing. They are VERY bloody, and some will make you jump because of how sudden they are, but they won’t stick with you. You won’t be haunted by any of the violence in The Monkey, you may laugh.

None of that is meant as a criticism, by the way. Just establishing the tone so that nobody will go in expecting something different from what they get. The Monkey should not be a serious horror movie, it should be stupid. Remember Night Swim from last year? If so, you may be entitled to compensation. Night Swim (as reviewed here) was a ridiculous concept that tried to play it seriously and suffered for it. It should have done what The Monkey did. The Monkey is well aware of how ridiculous it is and never pretends to be anything else. That’s why it’s worthwhile. It is always entertaining. Part of that is due to the directing, Osgood Perkins knows the beats to hit both in terms of narrative and directing. The performances work too. Theo James has come a long way from having shit on his nose in The Inbetweeners Movie. He has a duel rule there as both brothers. He does a pretty good job of playing the two characters as different people, but a lot of that is due to the wardrobe design too, but James does carry both of them differently enough for audiences to never be confused.

The other performers are great too. Elijah Wood is such a dick. It would have been nice to have him in it more, but I can’t think of a natural way for the film to have that happen, so I’m okay with it. The only other performer who is given enough time is Colin O’Brien, who spends so much time with his character being sullen and uncooperative that it’s difficult to actually judge his performance fairly.

I will admit, I was not a fan of the ending. Not the lead-up to the ending, or even the final moment. But there’s a symbolic moment in the closing scene which didn’t really work for me. It felt like it was symbolism for the sake of symbolism, just to show how smart the writers are. Shame, as the rest of the film is tightly written, closing up narrative loopholes you think you’ve spotted. The characters all have clear motivations, so even when they do stupid things, it makes sense. There’s a moment at the start (the inciting incident in fact) that feels a bit sudden, two one-minute scenes building up to it would have helped sell that moment a lot better because at the moment it makes a character’s reaction seem a bit extreme.

In summary; not perfect, not essential, but extremely entertaining. I’ve sold how silly and fun it is, but when it gets serious it works too, especially when it touches on family dynamics. That’s to be expected with Osgood’s family history. Osgood’s father was Anthony Perkins, who spent a lot of his life closeted (in terms of public appearance anyway) and married to someone who tried to keep his homosexual nature a secret from his own sons. And his mother? Died in the 9/11 attacks. So it makes sense that someone like him would be effective at crossing over the line between grief and violence, especially when it comes to family relationships. With that in mind, there are parts of The Monkey that do feel like therapy, but in a good way. This is Perkins doing what only he can. He utilises his personal experience and cloaks it in a way that he can sell to a mass audience. His next step is Keeper later in the year, which looks like a more serious prospect than The Monkey, but I’m interested in seeing it.

2024 Film Awards Part 6

On By troubledproductionsIn AwardsLeave a comment

Most Disappointing

A Quiet Place: Day One

I LOVE the first one, I was less enthusiastic about the second, but I still had high hopes for this. It’s okay, I guess. But it never quite reaches the heights of the first one and doesn’t even come close. Ultimately, it just comes off as lesser. Almost like a poorly financed spin-off that was dictated by the studio. There’s zero passion, zero creativity, zero reason to care.

Argylle

I like the Kingsman movies, except maybe the prequel. But I had an inkling this wouldn’t be as good. From the moment I saw the trailer I had worries. Those worries turned out to be well-founded. It should never have been a 12A, Matthew Vaughn needs blood and violence, and the rating stops him from achieving that. I don’t know why the studio didn’t push for an increased rating, and I’m not sure whose decision it was to aim for it. But either way, they should have stopped him. If you’re a record company and you land the Bee Gees, you don’t let them do a death metal album, you tell them to play that funky music.

Joker: Folie A Deux

If this was based on the biggest drop between “expectations when I first heard about it” and “expectations when I finished watching”, this would be top, number one with a bullet, numero uno, the head honcho, the casa del pene, I kind of forgot what I was talking about. Luckily for J: FAD, this is based on “expectations going in”, which saves it. I had heard a lot of talk that this was terrible. I hoped they were wrong, but it did mean I went in expecting it might be bad. Still doesn’t mean I was prepared for exactly HOW bad it was. I haven’t seen a sequel drop off this extreme since Mean Girls to the trailer for Mean Girls 2 (I’m not watching the actual film, I’m not insane).

My Spy: The Eternal City

I actually really enjoyed the first one. The second has all the hallmarks of a “straight-to-DVD sequel released in the 90s”. It feels low budget, it thinks you remember much more about the previous film than you actually do, and it tries so hard to be different (changing location etc), that it forgets to be good.

Mean Girls

I’m a massive fan of the original film, and also a massive fan of the dislike button on the trailer of the second one. I’m also a big Tina Fey fan, and one of my favourite TV shows of all time is a sequel. So I should love this. I did not. It had none of the charm of the original, none of the heart. Also, I didn’t find the songs that good, which in a musical is a bit of a problem. I couldn’t hum a single melody from the entire thing, meanwhile, I can still remember roughly 3 songs from In The Heights, which I watched once, back in 2021 (review here). I suppose I should have expected it when the trailer (which I repeat, is for a MUSICAL featuring original songs) had Olivia Rodrigo. Now, I love Olivia Rodrigo, her music is right up my street, but an existing song on a trailer for a musical just indicates the studio has no faith in the songs, and the stage musical itself doesn’t have enough bangers that people are obsessed with and will be like “OMG they do that song in this, I need to watch”, unlike the trailers for Wicked which showed snippets of songs from the musical, so fans of the musical would get excited. I’m right that that was a weird decision on the studio that released Mean Girls, right? It’s not just me being picky? Anyway, this film is weaker than my lawsuit for false advertising against the owner/operator of a bottomless pit in Spokane.

Winner

Unfrosted

I’m a big fan of Jerry Seinfeld, I consider his sitcom one of the best sitcoms of the 90’s (and there’s a lot of competition there). He has definitely been hit hardest by the Seinfeld Curse, with his biggest success being a vocal performance. That being said, Unfrosted looked promising. Not just with him as a writer, but with an incredibly strong supporting cast. Also, the idea was fucking weird, and I like weird. I don’t like Unfrosted though. It is funny, hilarious even. But it is so disposable. This does not seem like a film from one of the co-creators of one of the biggest sitcoms of all time. This feels like a group of kids dicking about with a video camera and making jokes up as they go along.

Most Surprising

The First Omen

The Omen is a franchise in name only. Nobody ever says “Let’s watch the entire film series”, in fact, I’d say a lot of people don’t even recognise there are more than two, the original and the remake. Added to that, prequels are normally pretty shit. So it’s quite surprising that The First Omen is actually solid. It has one of my favourite jump scares I’ve ever seen, a genuinely gripping story, and some good acting. Immaculate explored similar themes, but The First Omen did it much better.

Transformers One

I’m not too fond of the live-action Transformers movies. I know I watched one of them at the cinema, there’s a chance I might have watched the second one as well, but I genuinely can’t remember. Also, unlike Teenage Mutant Ninja/Hero Turtles, I never had any Transformers toys growing up (if anybody would like to fix that neglect and buy some, contact me), nor were there any video games I played. So I had zero emotional connection with the franchise, until now. This movie is superb. I think it may have helped that I had no connection to the franchise as it meant that I didn’t know who these characters were. This wasn’t like watching X-Men: First Class, knowing that Magneto and Charles will eventually become enemies, this was watching two complete strangers as their friendship slowly disintegrates. It’s a much more mature movie than you’d expect, dealing with themes such as colonialism, disability rights, hierarchal power structures, appeals to authority fallacies, and transforming into a car (all issues that we face). If it was a bit more “safe”, would it have made more money? Probably (it’s hard to tell because of how badly marketed it was). But by going as dark as they did, going as deep as they did, they’ve created something truly remarkable. This WILL be a kid’s favourite movie, and when they watch it again as an adult, they won’t be disappointed or embarrassed. They will fall back in love with it all over again.

Beverly Hills Cop: Axel F

I’m not saying this is a great movie, it’s not. But it’s A LOT better than a sequel 30 years after a disappointing (to others, I still love it) third movie should be. Every New Year’s Eve, me and my family sit down and watch a franchise, in the past, it’s been John Wick, the modern Planet Of The Apes, Back To The Future etc. As the years go on, the choices get harder and harder, primarily because the trajectory for a lot of franchises is downward, and you don’t want to end the night on a low (can you imagine if the last movie you watched in a year was Die Hard 5?). With Axel F, if we watched this franchise, the year wouldn’t end badly. And really that’s all you can ask for.

Winner

Alien: Romulus

I like the Alien franchise, kind of. I’ve watched the first two and enjoyed them, but I’ve also seen Covenant and wasn’t a fan. When Alien is good, it’s phenomenal, among the best thing that exists in the media it’s created in, when it’s bad, it’s Colonial Marines. Romulus could have been bad, it SHOULD have been bad. It’s not, it’s utterly fantastic. It’s creepy, intelligent, and makes the most of what it has. There are so many times when you’re watching films and, as an audience member, you spot things you would have changed, untaken opportunities or wasted moments. Romulus will have less of that than others. It takes a Blue Peter/artist approach to scenes. It looks at what it has to play with (acidic blood, messed up gravity etc), then tries to create something with them. It could have been dumb and made bank, instead they put A LOT of effort into it, and I cannot thank them enough.

I Don’t Get It

Essentially these are for films which received a lot of love, either critically or commercially, that I just did not care about.

The Beekeeper

I heard a lot of people say this is really good, that it would even appeal to people who aren’t fans of the typical Statham films. I’m not buying it. It’s about 5% more interesting than the rest, but that’s not a huge amount. Otherwise, it’s more of the same. It’s Jason Statham walking around and punching people, only this time he has a bad American accent.

Longlegs

A LOT of people loved this, describing it as one of the best horrors of modern times. I respect that, but I didn’t feel it. Primarily because of how exposition-heavy it was, particularly in the final third. Either the studio or the screenwriter didn’t feel confident enough that the story was clear enough for the audience. Once the writer gets more confident, they WILL make my favourite horror movie of the year, of that I am certain. But this isn’t it.

Winner

The Zone Of Interest

Obviously, this was going to win. The review of it was the hardest I’ve ever had to write. I couldn’t articulate WHY I didn’t like it, I just didn’t. That’s annoying as I feel I should. I love serious movies, so it’s not as though I was sitting there thinking “Need more jokes”. I love POWERFUL movies too, I actually went into HMV a few days ago and asked for “Something that will hurt me and make me feel things”. It genuinely got me worried, am I a shitty movie watcher? Why should anybody take my reviews seriously if I don’t like one of the most critically acclaimed movies of the year? In a way, it still bothers me. I find it difficult to reconcile why you should value my opinion alongside my opinion being that I didn’t like this film.

Well I Liked It

The opposite of the last one, these are films which either the internet or professional reviewers hated, but I enjoyed (or at the very least didn’t hate them as much as others).

Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire

At the time of writing, this sits on Metacritic with a score of 46. That’s only 1 score higher than the new Hellboy, which is dreadful beyond comparison. I’m not arguing this should be in the high 90s, but it definitely deserves higher than that. Yes, it is a bit too long and unfocused, but it is SO damn charming that it’s hard to see where the hatred comes from. The relationship between Phoebe and Melody is damn sweet (and kind of gay-coded, can’t tell if that was intentional) and it warmed even my bitter and cynical heart.

Boy Kills World

I had no intention of putting this in this section. Primarily because I assumed it was well-reviewed. It was only when looking up the Metacritic score for Ghostbusters that I saw this had a score of 47. How? This is freaking insane. The stunts are badass, the jokes are hilarious, and the performances are everything they need to be. It’s one of the most fun experiences I had last year, and I ate ice cream TWICE!

Winner

Paddington In Peru

This has a Metacritic score 60. I don’t accept that. This deserves a 90 at the very least. It’s not quite as good as the first two, but it is still exactly what we need at this time. I know the world is going to shit: racism has become normalised, there’s war in the middle east, and I dropped my biscuit in my tea. But it’s at times like this when we need something like this; something optimistic, something cute, and most importantly; something kind.

Worst Movie

Nominees Everything here

Winner

The Crow

This was actually difficult. Whilst a lot of films were bad, there wasn’t one that stood out as a lot worse than the others. They were all equally bad. This wins pretty much just because it’s a remake. As such, there is a definite blueprint for how to make it work. They had over 30 years of focus groups and audience feedback to work from. The fact they did that, they had talented performers, as well as a wide variety of screamo bands to use for the soundtrack, and still couldn’t do better than this shit? Nope, fuck you, you suck.

Best Movie

Nominees: Everything here

Winner

Civil War

There are multiple ways to judge a film. Technical brilliance, personal taste, uniqueness. This has all three. But so do quite a few other films nominated. It’s difficult to think of one that stands out above the rest, unlike next year, where it’s already looking like A Real Pain is going to win best film (unless the new Knives Out is incredible), spoilers for a post I won’t write for another 365 days. Really, any of the nominees could have sneaked it. So why did I choose Civil War? Because there was a moment which was so harrowing I was close to leaving just to decompress for a few minutes. No other film has come close to having that effect.

2024 Film Awards: Day Five (The Moments)

On By troubledproductionsIn AwardsLeave a comment

Best Opening

Nominees

American Fiction – Monk talks to a white student

Sums up this film; funny, smart, and sets a fire of fury that it is determined to stoke. Once you witness this scene, you know EXACTLY what film you will watch.

Gladiator 2 – Painted

The usual “quick summary” montage, but done so it looks like it’s been painted. Visually striking, and very beautiful.

Malum – Creepy Creepiness

Police notice saying this is footage from the event. REALLY helps you buy in. Then creepy handheld footage. Well, some of it is creepy (weird chairs etc), and some is so mundane that it becomes creepy. Yes, it feels cheap, but its effective. Then, it transitions into modern times, where you assume the person we meet is our hero. Nope.

Monster – What Is With Minato?

Minato is displaying odd behaviour that is consistent with abuse. When you watch it, it’s good, when you remember it later and understand the full context, it’s great.

Sometimes I Think About Dying – Opening Credits

Look, I just appreciate that they used a different font for the opening credits. Most films don’t, and it shows that the people who made this actually gave a shit about setting tone in every way possible.

Twisters – The Danger Of Wind

Twisters introduces a group of lovable, dynamic characters. Then kills most of them off. I liked it. It was unexpected, plus it showed how dangerous tornados can be, so it set them up as a threat. It’s like when slasher movies start with the killer stabbing someone; establish them as a threat early on so the fear of them lingers over the narrative.

Winner

The Substance – Fading Star

A Walk Of Fame star being constructed and then neglected. The “look at how the world ignores this star until it cracks under pressure” double meaning isn’t exactly subtle. But it looks gorgeous.

Worst Opening

Nominees

Late Night With The Devil – The Explanation

A documentary is investigating the events. Well not really investigating, just playing the show in full. Could have got away with cutting away from it for some sort of modern analysis etc, make it feel more like a documentary. As it is, the opening is just set up, and it all sets up stuff we would be told later anyway.

My Spy: The Eternal City – Dream Sequence

Never open an action movie with a dream sequence. It sets expectations of what the character can do that then can’t be matched. You need to establish what the character is capable of, his strengths, his weaknesses etc. You can’t do that in a dream sequence. A complete waste of time and characterisation.

Winner

Garfield – Animated Movie Opening #12

Garfield starts with happy music. Thus establishing that the studio REALLY don’t understand the character at all. It would be like starting the next Bond movie at a B&B in Clacton. They did this purely because other animated films start the same way, it’s inappropriate for the character, and shows they didn’t really care about making a good movie.

Best Ending

Nominees

Deadpool And Wolverine – Time Of Your Life

A cute montage of the previous Marvel-but-not-MCU movies. With the exception of the X-Men movies, those have been kind of forgotten so it’s nice to see them get some love. It also feels like a love letter to those that paved the way.

I Saw The TV Glow – Owen Breaks Down

The creepiest part of this was that nobody reacted. They all took a mental breakdown as something normal that you shouldn’t concern yourself with. I had some issues with the performance of Smith at some points during Glow, but in this part? He nailed that. The helplessness, the sadness, the sheer terror. Perfection.

Winner

The Iron Claw – Kevin Cries

That’s it. His sons tell him it’s okay to cry. A simple message, but one that is sadly needed. Usually, catharsis in film comes from violence or revenge. It’s kind of sweet to see one come from emotional release.

Worst Ending

Nominees

The First Omen – What Happened To Baby Dame?

The antichrist has been delivered to new parents, and has been named Damian. I mean, we KNEW this would happen. Out of everything that happened in this movie, that was the only thing we did know. It’s been established in the first movie. So what was the point of this? It would be like doing a film about Henry VIII and ending it with “and that man grew up to be king” with dramatic music.

Unfrosted – Where Are They Now?

Purely because of the music choice, which feels like a royalty free song. Considering the cast, this must have had a budget. They used a David Bowie song in the trailer, could they have not stretched to something iconic for the closing?

Winner

Joker: Folie A Deux – Faux-ker

So it turns out the main character of the two Joker movies wasn’t actually the Joker. I’m one of the few people who actually likes the Mandarin twist from Iron Man 3. But if that movie was called “The Mandarin” and he was the main character, I’d be less pleased. I’ve never seen a movie that holds its own audience in contempt as much as this does.

Best Moment

Babes – The Meetcute

Much like Frozen Empire (spoilers for later), Babes needs to make it clear how quickly these characters bond. Especially since the male character dies soon after. Meetcutes can be difficult to pull off, and I haven’t seen it done as masterfully as it was done here in a while.

Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire – Melody And Phoebe

The two characters bond over chess. So incredibly sweet. If this scene wasn’t good, then the plot would fall apart as you wouldn’t buy that Phoebe would be so reckless for someone she only just met. Sometimes you do meet people and instantly click though. The way this is written, and the way it’s performed, make you believe that this is one of those times.

Sometimes I Think About Dying – The Murder Party

The audience knows what Fran is like, but it’s the party where the rest of the characters begin to find out Frans personality. She really opens up to them, and it’s the first glimpse we get of what she’d be like as a friend; funny, warm-hearted, and with a dark sense of humour.

The Beast – Louis The Incel Dickbag

This is almost entirely due to performance. George Mackay gets everything right here. You get his anger, his frustration, but also his sadness. He’s not someone to hate, he’s someone to be pitied. You don’t feel sorry for him because of how hate-filled he is. But you don’t really fear him because of how pathetic he comes across.

The Iron Claw – The Afterlife

Considering this is a true story, it could have been considered a mistake to have a dream-like scene in it. It might have made it seem a bit silly. IF it wasn’t done as well as it was here. Many manly tears were shed at this moment. It’s absolutely beautiful, and the person it’s based on approves.

Transformers One – The Start Of Darkness

This is a very good scene on paper. But with the performance? It’s excellent. You truly understand why Megatron and Optimus Prime think the way they do. It’s not contrived or silly, it’s heartbreaking to realise these two characters are headed down dark paths, and they’ll be doing it alone.

Winner

Civil War – The Body Pit

THIS. This was the moment that nearly made me walk out of the cinema because of how bleak it was. I’ve seen similar scenes before (in the same year, in fact), but none of them have hit as hard as this one did. It’s so good that it made me un-nominate a similar scene in Lee, because it would have been weird to have two very similar scenes in one award section.

Worst Moment

Nominees

Venom: The Last Dance – Multi-Symbiote Fight

Not because it’s a bad scene, but because it hints at a much better movie. If the script focused more on setting this up, and had “there’s multiple symbiote attached to characters we’ve grown to care about”, it could have been incredible. As it is? It feels like wasted potential.

The Whip – Here’s Our Plan

The main character explains her plan to her friend. “So where were you thinking of sneaking into?”, then gestures to the houses of parliament. My issue with this was the staging. They were walking over a bridge heading AWAY from the place they were talking about. They would have already walked towards it, walked past it, and walked away from it to set that scene up. It’s more infuriating because the next scene takes place on a bench, they could have done the whole scene from that instead.

Kraven The Hunter – Worst line ever

“She died after that, and I never saw her again”. I don’t think I need to explain why that line is terrible.

The Watched/Watchers – The Entire Third Act

The way it’s written, and the way it’s shot and scored etc leads you to believe the film is about to end. Everything about the scene says it will, then it continues for another 20 or so minutes. 20 minutes which don’t really add anything. The very definition of “and another thing”. I know this was based on a book, but there was a better way of setting it up than they did here.

Trap – Well That’s Just Bad Blocking

I want to say “every moment Saleka is onscreen” but I’m going to get very specific. There’s a shot near the end where Josh’s character is sitting down and talking, and there’s a HUGE corner of the screen being blocked off by an overhanging cupboard. In terms of shot composition, it’s hard to find anything worse in a seasoned directors work. It makes it look like he’s just poking his head around

Winner

Twisters – Near vehicular manslaughter

It feels unfair to put this in the “worst moment” section, let alone have them win it, because there are worse moments. But none negatively affected its movie as much as this one did. One of the first times we see a character, his recklessness and selfishness almost killed the main character by running her off the road. I found it REALLY difficult to like him after that. I didn’t find him charming, I found him annoying because I knew what he was capable of, the kind of person who would throw knives at you “as a joke”, the kind of prick who’d mock your recently dead family members “for the bantz”. Delete that moment, and I’d have liked him. But that few seconds? Nope.

2024 Film Awards: Day Four (The Visuals)

On By troubledproductionsIn AwardsLeave a comment

Best Looking

Nominees

Poor Things

This will be divisive. The shots themselves are undoubtedly beautiful. But the weird fish-eyeness may put some people off. You’ll either be nauseous or entranced. but either way, they will affect your opinion of the film. I won’t lie, they are fucking weird, but so is the film, so it works. There’s a dreamlike quality to a lot of the shots, especially the exterior ones.

The Holdovers

Just watching the trailer gives you an idea of why I like the visuals. Yes, they’re not particularly stunning or incredible. But they really sell the period the film is set in. You can show someone this and tell them it’s from the 70s and they could believe you. I know it is something that just involved a filter and changing the lighting a little bit, but it was really effective.

Sometimes I Think About Dying

Sometimes beauty comes from bright colours, sometimes it comes from fluid motions, and sometimes it comes from making every shot like a painting from the 1800s. This is in the last category. Yes, there’s not much colour, but the use of greys, the use of blank space and desolate backgrounds, it’s art. No, it’s not complicated, but it’s stunning in its own way. This film is why “mise en scene” is talked about.

The Wild Robot

I’ve mentioned in a few of these about how sometimes the visuals match the story and enhance the viewing experience. I’ve mentioned mise en scene, I’ve talked about specific camera techniques etc. With this? All I can say is “Ooooooo, pretty”.

The Substance

Every film released this year was in focus, that’s an obvious point to make. But somehow, The Substance seemed more in focus. Striking visuals

Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga

It’s weird how something with so few colours can look SO good. I personally was not a fan of this movie. But it would be a lie to say it didn’t look absolutely sublime. Every inch of the screen is permeated with love, care, and artistic flair. Hey, I made a rhyme, and it was not even intentional. A lot of films (and video games, mainly video games) use dusty brown colour palettes as an excuse to look blander than a toast sandwich. Furiosa shows that up for the bullshit lazy excuse that it is. You can use that as the basis for your visuals, and still inject beauty, still inject moments of colour. Essentially, you CAN make it so it’s not fucking ugly.

Winner

I Saw The TV Glow

Much like Schoenbrun’s previous work (We’re All Going To The Worlds Fair), there are times when TV Glow makes you feel like you’re in a lava lamp being hypnotised. The bright colours, the cinematography, it’s absolutely stunning. It’s not just beauty for beauty’s sake, the ethereal nature suits the story too, enhancing the illusion the film is trying to sell.

Best Music

Side note, I’m not doing a “worst music”, but if I did, The Fall Guy would have won because of how often it played the same song by a band that f*cking sucks.

Madame Web

There’s a total of around 19 seconds where Madame Web is a good film. The music is 10 of them; when they play The Cranberries, and when they play Yeah Yeah Yeahs. That’s literally half of what is good in this movie, those two song choices.

The Iron Claw

A film’s soundtrack is not just “songs we want you to listen to in the car on the way home”. Sometimes they set the mood, sometimes they describe the characters, and sometimes (like in The Iron Claw) they PERFECTLY encapsulate the era. The visuals don’t really give away the period (outside of buildings which no longer exist), but as soon as you hear the soundtrack you know when the film is set, and you also KNOW it’s the United States, specifically one of the southern states. It would be like if a movie was soundtracked entirely by Blur, Oasis and Pulp, you’d know it’s 90’s England.

Sometimes I Think About Dying

For most of these, I have described the soundtracks as “the use of pre-made songs that have been chosen”, and haven’t delved much into the score. Obviously, that’s about to change, otherwise, that would have been a f*cking weird way to start this entry. Mute YouTube, then watch the trailer for SITAD. I can guarantee you know how it sounds just from the visuals. That’s not a criticism, by the way. It would be weird if this used joyful summer sounds. The music is PERFECT for this.

Winner

I Saw The TV Glow

Much like Worlds Fair, Glow is enhanced by the music choices. It’s not a soundtrack that will stick with you, there’s not really many songs that you’ll remember when its over. But while the film is playing? Alongside the visuals? It’s gorgeous. You can tell every song has been deliberately chosen to enhance the viewing experience. One of the few films I can imagine releasing its soundtrack on cassette and it wouldn’t feel like a gimmick.

Best Effects/CGI

Immaculate/The First Omen

Yes, I’m lumping these two together again, because there are moments for which I genuinely can’t remember which of the two they come from. So take this entry as if the two are a double feature counted as a single film.

The deformed fetuses are horrific, which considering what they are, is good. This has some truly wonderful body horror. When she witnesses the birth of something……well it’s not right, it looks awful, in a good way. There’s something truly unsettling about how the demonic hand comes out of the woman.

Kingdom Of The Planet Of The Apes

The modern Apes movies have always looked spectacular, and there were concerns this wouldn’t match it. Thankfully, it does. The original Superman movie was advertised with the tagline “You will believe a man can fly”. In this? You will believe an ape can speak basic English. You can make criticisms of this movie, but you can never say that the visuals took you out of it.

Abigail

Horror movies, particularly ones aimed at the audience Abigail is aimed at, need to make sure the kills are good. And how do you do that? By making them look good. If they look silly, or too fake, the audience is immediately taken out (unless the film leans into it). Abigail has some fantastic deaths, and the blood looks REALLY good. It doesn’t just look like water with food colouring, it looks thick, it looks heavy, it looks, well it looks fucking gross. So when you see someone covered in blood, the horror of the moment truly hits you, as opposed to making you think “That’s good makeup”, you think “Oh shit, that’s a lot of blood”.

Sting

Almost entirely due to how good the spider looks. Spiders are tricky to make look real when you increase the size because the way they actually move is weird as hell so when you see it close up there’s something “off” about it, and not in a scary way, in a “this looks stupid” way. Sting somehow manages to look real. I’ve said it before, there is an inkling of a GREAT movie under the surface here, and the visuals are a part of that.

Winner

The Substance

I was thinking twice about having this as a category. What made me decide to go through with it was knowing that The Substance was going to walk away with this award, and I feel I need to show this more love than I have done. In a film about beauty, it’s magnificent at showing ugliness. Not just the big moments, like the giant headf*ck at the end. But also the withered body parts that look suitably gross. The key moment is the first time she takes The Substance, where her back seems to rip apart. This could look painless, as if it’s just something that’s happening like someone opening their mouth. But the makeup up etc means that every inch of that back opening up looks like absolute agony, as it should.

Worst Effects/CGI

Nominees

Alien: Romulus

As much as I hate to give this a negative mark, the Ian Holm head is too off-putting to not mention. Apparently, they have fixed it for the Blu-ray release, but I haven’t got around to watching it yet. Also, I’m not rewarding them for fixing a mistake that shouldn’t have existed in the first place. Films shouldn’t need patches.

Hellboy: The Crooked Man

I’ve said it multiple times; this movie looks like low-budget porn, and the makeup is a big part of that. It looks like they didn’t have enough time to get it done properly, so it looks cheap and weird. Like it’s the base for a shot they’re going to improve later, rather than the finished shot.

Kraven The Hunter

There’s a scene in this movie where it looks like they CGI’d moving lips and blinking eyes on a still image to insert some ADR. It looks exactly as good as I made that sound. The rest of the CGI isn’t much better, with inconsistent effects, cartoonish blood, and “character in panto” levels of makeup, but the “look at what you became” moment is unforgivable.

Godzilla X Kong: The New Empire

When you want to make something look large, it’s not enough to just have low-angle shots for the whole thing. You need comparison, you need the giant monster to stand next to a building or a human, so you can truly be awed by the size. That’s where this movie fails, it spends most of the runtime with the monsters just standing around each other, so they don’t seem particularly impressive. It’s only in the final third when they start to fight in populated areas that you begin to get a sense of scale.

Winner

Argylle

I assumed the bouncing cat would be the worst CGI moment of this movie. Nope. There are multiple moments which look faker than a shop assistant’s smile. I know some things are difficult to make real, and that there will always be something that looks wrong with some moments. But when a close-up of a face looks fake, you’ve done goofed.

Best Stunts/Action Scenes

Nominees

Alien: Romulus

Normally, I reward action scenes based on speed. Romulus is different, the best moments aren’t really fast, but they’re SO well-crafted that I have to commend them. Some action scenes in movies are like smashing a snooker ball into a group of others, and watching them move. Romulus is more like dominos, you spend a lot of time watching them carefully be set up and positioned, and then they finally come down, it takes a while, but it’s immensely satisfying to watch them fall.

Boy Kills World

This came SO close to winning. The TV Show fight at the end is worthy of mention on its own. But there are so many other fights which come close to that. It’s especially remarkable considering its a directorial debut. It’s not just that they’re well-crafted, they’re inventive too, in an obvious way. By which I mean, there are things done that you haven’t seen before, but once they happen you think “Well now I’ve seen it, that was an incredibly obvious thing that should have happened before”. Boy Kills World was criminally under-advertised and undersold, and I highly recommend checking it out. Part of that is how funny it is, how sweet it is, how good the performances are. But none of them would matter if it wasn’t for just how damn entertaining the fights are.

Abigail

Mainly because of how the scenes perfectly blended the violence of death with the beauty of ballet. There’s a simple elegance to Abigail (Simple Elegance Of Abigail would make a grand album title btw) that helps it to stand out in the inevitable sea of clones.

Deadpool And Wolverine

The Deadpool franchise has always had excellent fight scenes, and DAW is no exception. From the moment the beats of Bye Bye Bye kick in and he’s beating people to death with a skeleton, you know you’re in for some inventive shit. The multi-deadpool fight could (and should) have been a lot better. But when the action scenes of DAW are good, they’re incredible and well worth checking out.

Gladiator 2

Have any of you played Condemned? I remember the first time I played that and beat someone with a crowbar. I was used to “hit thing, it falls down” standard physics in video games. But that’s the first time I remember thinking “fuck, that must have hurt” after hitting someone with a weapon. The hits had weight to them, meaning you felt every impact. That’s what Gladiator 2 does. Yes, the sharks are f*cking stupid, but the man-to-man fight scenes all feel spectacular, making you feel as if the lives of any of the characters could be ended in a single moment. It really helps to sell just how brutal and inhumane gladiator fights were, and why it’s a good thing Netflix didn’t make this movie otherwise they’d hold them for real, completely missing the “wow, look how horrible this is, and how horrific a society that allows this to happen would be” point of the movie. Yes, that was a Squid Games reference.

Winner

The Fall Guy

It’s a movie about stunts, if they messed up the action scenes then it would be a complete failure. What I loved about it was how practical the stunts were. David Leitch is tremendous at fight scenes (as anybody who has seen Bullet Train and Atomic Blonde can confirm), but action scenes involving non-humans are much harder. You can fully control a person, if you tell them to move backwards, you have a general idea of what their body parts are going to do, and they’re unlikely to suddenly do a backflip into a nearby fridge. Vehicles are different, a slight variation in speed or ground level can completely change how it reacts. So it’s amazing that Leitch managed to do what he did here, with every piece moving like a finely controlled part of a system. Also, they broke a world record for most cannon rolls in a car. I can’t watch a film that has that level of dedication, and not reward it.

Worst Stunts/Action Scenes

Nominees

Bad Boys: Ride Or Die

I wish the action scenes were better, I really do. But truth be told, they’re bland. I’m assuming they are anyway, I can’t remember them. As good as this franchise has been, it’s always been focused on the dialogue and plot rather than the gunplay. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it would be nice if some of the creativity in some of the shots was extended to the action.

Lift

There are many reasons why some action scenes fail. Sometimes it’s the performances, sometimes it’s the choreography, sometimes it’s the CGI. My issue with Lift is much simpler; the idea of the scene itself is too stupid. I’m talking about the “plane flying upside down” moment. It’s a scene so ridiculous (and not in a fun way) that it’s almost impossible to enjoy.

Borderlands

My main issue with the action scenes in Borderland is just how dull they are. There’s no creativity or skill to any of them. They’re also shot with the idea of “we need to see these actors” rather than logic, so characters supposed to be in disguise walk around without masks. There’s no sense of storytelling to them either, they’re just a series of action scenes with no connective tissue.

Winner

Godzilla X Kong: The New Empire

I’m actually not going to talk about the issues I have with size this time. Instead, I’m going to focus on one moment; when the titans etc are fighting on the beach near the end, smashing into buildings and destroying them. This should be epic, we should feel terrified for the people in those buildings. We should notice that there are people who’s lives are being ruined because their home/place of employment is being destroyed. Essentially, it should feel like this fight has an impact. It doesn’t. It feels like if you and I were having a punch-up in a model village. Yes, one of us will fall on a house, but we won’t feel any guilt for the people in it.

2024 Film Awards: Day Three (The Individual)

On By troubledproductionsIn AwardsLeave a comment

Best Performer

Marisa Abela – Back To Black

I wasn’t a fan of the film itself, I found it was a biography that seemed to absolutely detest its lead character. Abela handles the role well, to the point where you sometimes forget you’re not watching Winehouse. The character goes through a lot, but Abela’s performance is consistent throughout.

Demi Moore – The Substance

It’s hard to think of what hasn’t already been said about Demi Moore in The Substance. Margaret Qualley is good, but Moore is the lynchpin. Qualley’s character is more an idea than a fully formed person, so she doesn’t really need to stretch her skills that much. Moore, however, has to go through so much emotional turmoil. The scene where she has a breakdown and smears her make-up is a masterclass in performance.

Nell Tiger Free – The First Omen

Considering the talent in TFO, it would be easy for Nell Tiger Free to be overshadowed. The knives were going to be out, they always are for lead performers in horror prequels. Those knives will have to be resheathed, Tiger Free does a phenomenal job. She has incredibly expressive eyes, reminds me of Daniel Daluuya in Get Out.

George Mackay – The Beast

Based almost entirely on the incel speech he delivers. I estimate that in roughly 10 years he will be known as one of the great actors of this generation. He’s not always in good films (Marrowbone), but he’s always good. He does have “Fighter in a world war” face, so parts of The Beast are very different from him, really showing his range.

Emma Stone – Poor Things

Emma Stone has a history of traditional leading role parts, but in the last few years she’s got fucking weird, and I’m all for that, because she’s good at it. Her physicality, in particular, is tremendous in this. There’s no point where she seems like a normal human adult. She carries herself in a very unique way that’s mesmerising.

Anne Hathaway – Mothers Instinct

Mothers Instinct would fall apart without Hathaway. Because the audience is never sure whether she’s actually a bitch, or whether she’s just haunted by trauma, she needs to find a way to play it both ways at the same time. If she leans too much in one direction it would give the game away (or seem disingenuous). Most performers would not be able to do what she did as effectively as she did it, and it just adds to the reasons I love her.

Daisy Ridley – Sometimes I Think About Dying

As I said in the year round-up “If your lead character doesn’t say something for 20 minutes and you’re not frustrated, she’s doing a good job.” She’s been unfairly maligned by internet fans for having the temerity, the absolute gall, to be a woman in a modern Star Wars movie. But times like this remind you that she’s actually a FANTASTIC performer. Her subtle expressions and change of vocal performances to every line means she does so much with so little, and I love her for it.

Kate Winslet – Lee

Kate Winslet is one of those performers I’ve never really “got”, primarily because she tends to be in the kind of films I don’t particularly like. But it’s when you see her in something like Lee that you realise “ohhhhh, she’s actually really good at this whole acting thing”. She’s let down by acting alongside performers who aren’t quite on her level. But I absolutely love her performance in this, it’s pain, in a good way.

McKenna Grace – Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire

If she’s in a film I watch, she gets nominated, thems the rules. Plus I nominated her for the same role in the other film, so it would be weird if I didn’t do so here.

Zac Efron – The Iron Claw

Efron looks nothing like who he’s supposed to portray, truth is, almost nobody in this film does. But he carries himself with such presence that it doesn’t matter. People who know the real-life family have complimented him on his performance. Efron seems to be doing everything he can to step out of the shadows of his famous role, and The Iron Claw is another step towards doing that. He shows just how damn good he can be when he’s given the chance. You can see it in his face how his character gets gradually broken down as his family unit continues to disappear. What really nails it, is the final scene when he’s talking to his sons. That moment was one of the most heartbreaking things I’ve ever seen, and I once had my biscuit fall into my cup of tea.

Winner

Cailee Spaeny – Alien: Romulus/Civil War

Both of those performances are award-worthy on their own. She went from “I have no idea who she is” to one of my favourite performers in just two films. I’m genuinely excited to see what she will do in the next Knives Out movie. She has a lot on her shoulders in both these films; in one she’s working alongside much more experienced performers, and in the other? Well it’s a fucking Alien movie and she’s a female lead, she’s going to get attention, and has to be strong enough to not buckle under it. Alien has a tendency to have incredibly strong female leads, and manage to find incredibly talented performers to play them. I was more impressed with Spaeny in Civil War though. Kirsten Dunst is kind of war-weary and cynical, so a character like Spaeny is needed to really sell how horrific everything is. She provides the human viewpoint to an inhuman world, and if Spaeny wasn’t talented, it wouldn’t work. Her character could easily be too tough, which would make it hard to buy into the horror. Alternatively, she could appear too weak, and then you wouldn’t root for her. She has to find a fine balance between “innocent” and “not naive”. She plays it perfectly.

Worst Performance

I should point out, there was a genuinely TERRIBLE performance that I haven’t nominated here. It’s a low-budget movie and it’s the first notable role for the performer who has only ever been credited as “unnamed maid” in things before. Essentially, I felt it would be bullying to name them, and if they googled themselves and stumbled upon me lambasting them and comparing their performance to low-budget porn, I would genuinely feel mortified. Big-name actors, or actors in multi-million dollar films? Yeah, they’re fair game, fuck ’em.

Aaron Dean Eisenberg – The Iron Claw

I often call out fans for disliking a casting because “they’re not exactly like the person they’re supposed to be. The character is 6 foot, and this person is only 5 foot 11. Ruined!”. And I appreciate when castings look nothing like the person, but embody the character. But my word, Eisenberg could not have been less like Ric Flair if he blacked up and spoke with an Australian accent. There is nothing in the real-life Flair in his performance. They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, well this is an insult.

Jerry Seinfeld – Unfrosted

It reminded me of that episode of Seinfeld where Jerry kept corpsing. Oh wait, that doesn’t narrow it down.

Andy Samberg – Lee

It’s not that his performance is bad in a vacuum, but he’s acting alongside Kate Winslet, so had to be on the top of his game, and it feels like he’s not.

Jack Kesy – Hellboy: The Crooked Man

Think of the performers who have taken the mantle of Hellboy; Ron Perlman, David Habour; two genuine heavyweights who can add gravitas, humour, and physical intimidation to the role. And now? It’s some guy. I’m not saying the character needs to be played by a big-name actor. But it needs someone with presence, someone who you can look at and KNOW “That? That’s a star. Or at the very least, that’s someone I know will beat the shit out of me and make jokes while doing so”. It feels unfair to criticise someone for not having something unreachable. And I’m not saying Kesy is a bad actor, far from it, but he was without a doubt the wrong choice for this role. It would be like casting Christopher Reeves as Superman, in 2024.

Chris Evans – Red One

Much like Kesy in H: TCM, the main issue here was of being miscast. It’s not quite as bad as it was in Hellboy, because we hadn’t already seen Chris Evan’s character in 3 other films being played much better. But it is still an issue, and one I can’t ignore.

Aaron Taylor-Johnson – Kraven The Hunter

Mainly because of his accent. Sorry “accents”, plural, because he couldn’t decide on just one.

Winner

Dakota Johnson – Madame Web

I have issues with the Razzies. I don’t believe they recognise the difference between “this performance was bad” and “this was a performance in a bad movie”. For example; Joker: Folie A Deux had MANY problems, but the performances of Phoenix and Gaga were not among them. So it came as a shock to me that we actually agree on this. Dakota Johnson gave a performance that was so flat that even if you saw it in 3D she’d be 2 dimensional. She looks like she can’t be bothered to show emotion. I recently had incredibly bad toothache which required me to be shot full of painkillers in my jaw. The bottom right of my face was unable to move for half a day, it still did more work than she did in this

Best Character

Nominees

Andy – Alien: Romulus

Yes, I gave Cailee Spaeny the best performer, but Andy’s character was better. Incredibly awkward, disliked by most people, and fond of making terrible puns. Still not entirely sure why I related to him so much.

Monk – American Fiction

Yes, this character has been done before. The “I created this as a joke and now people are taking it seriously” trope is not exactly completely original, especially in regards to black stories, where it has been done before (I’m thinking primarily of 2000’s Bamboozled). But there’s something about the way Monk is written (and performed, that has to be pointed out) that is utterly captivating. You feel his frustration, his anger, and eventually his acceptance. You can tell how beaten down he is by the world, and how (white) people are reacting to his words. He’s also INCREDIBLY funny.

Lee Smith – Civil War

Everything about this character can be summed up in a single line of dialogue: “”Every time I survived a war zone, I thought I was sending a warning home – “Don’t do this”. But here we are.””. Named in tribute to WW2 journalist Lee Miller (who JUST missed out on this list), her tenacity and character earn the honour of her namesake. More than anything else, her character shows the importance of war journalism. It’s difficult to distance yourself and realise you can’t help. But it’s essential to document how everything has gone to shit. I feel that’s an important message for the next four years.

Paddington – Paddington In Peru

It would be so easy for this character to be awful. If miswritten, it would be a very annoying bear, overly optimistic to the point of being naive, and just coming off as kind of annoying. I mean, he is overly optimistic to the point of being naive, but for some reason, it works. He is such a lovable character, incredibly endearing and sweet. It helps that he is pure. He isn’t kind because he wants something out of it, he doesn’t help people so they help him back, he has absolutely zero cynical motivations for his behaviour. In a cold world of greys and dark browns, Paddington is a kaleidoscopic rainbow of warmth

Kevin Von Erich – The Iron Claw

I feel conflicted about this because he’s based on a real person, the only one on this list (sorry to break it to you Paddington fans, he’s not real). But so was Amy Winehouse in Back To Black, and her character was terrible (It’s difficult to find a biography that hates its main character as much as that one does). So I decided to put him in this category, mainly because it highlights how well the script handled him. Watching The Iron Claw is watching a human slowly get broken, and when you think it’s over, things get worse. If this was fiction, you’d think it over the top. So the fact its real makes it more impressive. In fact, it’s actually toned down from reality. He had another brother who passed away, and the film skips the moment where his drunken dad tells him “The only reason you’re alive is that you don’t have the guts to kill yourself like your brothers”. It’s heartbreaking to see what he goes through, and it’s weird to have a film where the “happy” ending is “he cries”.

D-16 – Transformers One

This is pretty much entirely due to my ignorance. I had no idea that character would later turn out to be Megatron. So watching his descent into heeldom was a genuine shock. But it made sense. The building blocks of the evilness were there, and the way he arrived towards the switch made more sense than most films that attempt the same thing. There’s a definitive moment where the change occurs. Before that, he’s a “hmm, that’s not great”, but after it, you can tell he’s heading down a dark path, with nobody to turn the light on (probably due to the high cost of electric bills). It’s heartbreaking to see so many moments where he can be saved, and see those moments pass by again and again.

Winner

Fran – Sometimes I Think About Dying

You will either be bored by this character, or you will GET this character. If you get her, you will emphasise with this character, understand her motivations and meaning, and you will like her. You will see a little bit of yourself in her, and you will be annoyed at what she does and how she self-sabotages her personal relationships, but that annoyance will be because you recognise that you have done the exact same shit in the past, and you KNOW you will do it again in the future because of who you are.

No, just me? Doubt that.

Worst Character

Nominees

Lady Raven – Trap

The character is clearly just a way for M.Night to get his daughter in the movie. Not only is she presented as the most talented and beautiful musician in the world, she’s also smart, integral to the plot and helps defeat the villain. If it wasn’t his daughter, it would still be badly written tripe, but with the caveat of it being his daughter? Fuck that.

Garfield – The Garfield Movie

Who is Garfield? He is a cat. He is snarky. He eats lasagne. But most of all; he is lazy. Who is Garfield in this movie? He’s an action hero with daddy issues. Essentially, he’s just another Chris Pratt character.

Liam – Dear Santa

Only due to the inconsistencies in his character. The writers seem to forget what age he is so he switches between a helpless child and a teen, depending on the joke. It sums up my issues with the whole film; nobody knows what age this film is aimed at, so they try to hit all of them.

Amy Winehouse – Back To Black

I feel weird putting this in here, as she is a real person. But that’s part of the reason I disliked her character in this, it doesn’t feel honest. It’s not “here is who Amy was, she was flawed”, it’s “Here’s who Amy was, and why everyone who says her dad and partner were abusive are wrong, it was all her, they were completely innocent and never did anything wrong”. She isn’t an independent character, she’s a way for two mediocre (at best) men to justify themselves and why they deserve any money she earned.

Winner

Charles Deetz – Beetlejuice Beetlejuice

Jeffrey Jones is a paedophile. Tim Burton decided to get around this by not having him in the film. Instead, they just have the character he played be lionised by everybody, and have a claymation representation of him. Nope. You find out an actor is a paedophile, you don’t have his character in the film at all. Just say the mother divorced and remarried, then kill THAT dad off.