Quick Synopsis; Turtles fight a mutant fly that is also made of horses.

I’m going to start this with my personal history of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (or TMNT, pronounced Temment). I am very aware of it, I had the toys growing up, I played some of the video games etc. It’s one of the franchises I remember from my childhood.

But I can’t actually remember anything from it. I don’t remember actually sitting down and watching any episodes. I can’t remember buying or asking for the toys/video games. I can’t even remember which turtle is which. I have to mention that whilst there are certain people in UK politics complaining about not being allowed to be racist any more because of “cancel culture” and blaming millennials and some fictional “liberal-controlled media” conglomerate that is all controlled by some rich person with a hook nose who secretly controls all the world and “no this isn’t anti-Semitic why would you think that?”, TMNT was actually censored by the Conservative government back in the day. They were really paranoid about ninjas so banned not only depictions of them but also any displays of nunchucks as they were too dangerous. I mean, nunchucks are really hard to use so really the person most at risk from physical harm is the idiot kid who picks up nunchucks and thinks he can use them. As such, this franchise was referred to as Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles in the UK. Weirdly, they were still allowed to use swords, because it would be much harder for kids to find a sharp sword-like object than it would two heavy objects tied together with a heavy chain-like material. I don’t really have a point to this, I just like to point it out because it was f*cking stupid.

Now onto Mutant Mayhem specifically. It’s actually surprisingly good. This is the first time I can remember that the turtles actually feel like teenagers who have spent their entire life away from humans. They’re awkward, they’re goofy, and they make pop culture references. On the one hand, it means they seem better written than almost any other iteration of the characters, but on the other hand, the constant pop culture references can get a bit grating and bring to mind the awful Friedberg and Seltzer parody movies. Some changes to the background will annoy some fans, some of which I would understand, but if you’re annoyed that April is not white then you’re an idiot, and if you’re annoyed that she’s not fuckable enough any more then you need your hard drive checked as she’s underage you creepy bastards. Another downside is there’s no Krang or Shredder, but they can also be used in the sequel (which this film deserves).

Mutant Mayhem does mostly work though, the voice cast is great, and really helped by casting actual teenagers and having them record their dialogue in the same room. The first thing that will come to mind though is the animation. It looks stunning, whilst some animation is designed to recreate real life, this seems more focused on looking like a series of hand-drawn sketches come to life. It’s unique, it’s visually striking, and it has a slight anarchic energy to it.

The script is better than it had to be. It’s a kid’s film, so laziness could be excused (but not forgiven). It’s a wonderful tale of discrimination, but it shows us it coming from Splinter too. We see how his prejudice against humans has been shaped, and ultimately how it’s ended. It’s a wonderfully deep look at a difficult situation for kids to grasp. It’s also really funny, but not afraid to show emotion. The highlights are the action sequences though, some incredibly creative fight scenes which flow together beautifully like a violent ballet. There’s also some surprisingly disgusting body horror.

So in summary, possibly the best kids film of the year; and there are actually some strong contenders it’s fighting against to claim that crown.